Will You Always Be There?
by mkim57
Summary: This story takes Harm and Mac through Season 10 on a slightly different path.
1. Chapter 1

Will You Always Be There?

Disclaimers: I don't own any of these characters. They belong to Belisarius Productions. I don't any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything up to Hail and Farewell I and any spoiler floating around is fair game.

A/N: Thanks to Aerogirl for her beta reading, input and encouragement.

Chapter 1

O900

JAG Headquarters

Colonel Sarah MacKenzie walked quickly across the bullpen to her office. Staff call seemed to last forever this morning. She just wanted the day to really begin so that she could lose herself in her workday. She could shut it all out, forget that she might be in for the fight of her life and forget that Webb had lied over and over about so many things. With a bit of effort, she might even forget the pain she saw in the eyes of her best friend and partner Commander Harmon Rabb Jr., even when he was smiling.

She had returned to counseling. She had known even before she learned that Webb was indeed alive that she needed to get help or everything she had worked so hard to accomplish in her life would be ruined. 'You're only as good as your last sober day.' Before learning the truth, she was able to cry and mourn Webb; now she felt completely numb. Commander McCool explained that her feelings were to be expected given her background and coping mechanisms since she had become sober. What worried her now was that she didn't know if she would ever feel anything again.

The day passed quickly, since she didn't have court today. Paperwork was plentiful – She was glad that at least that was one thing that never changed. Mac turned off her computer, slipped a few case files into her briefcase and turned off the lights in her office. 'I've made it through another week,' she thought, 'now to get through the weekend.'

Mac started to walk toward the elevators when Harm spoke to her. She froze mid-stride and turned quickly toward his voice.

"I'm sorry, Mac, I didn't mean to startle you,"

"It's okay, I just thought everyone but the watch was already gone," Mac continued to walk toward the elevators, not making eye contact with Harm at all.

"Mac, are we ever going to talk about this? You asked me if I would always be there – here I am. Let me in."

She looked at him then and she saw the pain once again, pain she had caused. She felt as though she couldn't breathe – she had to get out of there before she completely lost it. She had to get away before she said something, anything to make him stop talking to her. She didn't want to hurt anyone anymore. She just wanted to get away.

"Harm, I can't, not now. Please, I've got to get out of here!" She nearly ran to the elevators and slipped in just before they closed, taking her away, getting her home.

Harm stood in the middle of the bullpen, watching Mac slip away from him. He had never seen her quite like this. There was no light in her at all now. She barely looked at him when she spoke. This morning in staff call she'd sat next to him but never turned toward him, even when she was speaking to him. He had always felt connected to her, even when he was still with the CIA. When he was in the same room with her, her presence was such that you knew, whether she spoke or not, if she was happy or sad or angry about something. It was one of the things he loved about her, the strength of her personality. Now, it was almost as though she were a ghost, going through the motions, getting the job done and interacting with people as little as possible.

Harm returned to his office, got his cover and briefcase, and just as he turned the lights in his office off, he heard the sounds of thunder coming from outside. "Great," he thought, "just what I needed." Harm started walking out of the building, and it began to rain harder as the storm grew more intense. Harm ran to his SUV and got in, soaking wet even though he had parked very near the entrance. "Hope Mac makes it home okay," he thought aloud. Harm took out his cell-phone and called Mattie.

"Hey, kiddo."

"Hey yourself," Mattie answered.

"Just checking in, are you all ready to go?" Harm asked.

"Yeah, it's all under control, Jen and I are catching a movie tonight and my Dad's picking me up in the morning, first thing."

Harm asked Mattie to check in after the movie and hung up. Harm started the car and started toward Union Station. He was nearly halfway home when he decided to take a quick drive by Mac's apartment. 'Just to make sure she made it home alright … besides she'll never know,' he thought.

1800  
Mac's Apartment

Mac had made it home without a problem, although she didn't really recall the drive. She felt the storm, the thunder booming so loud that she could feel it in her chest. She wasn't afraid. She was almost relieved that she could feel something. She had gotten away and said nothing stupid or hurtful to Harm. She could not face him now.

Mac removed her coat and placed her briefcase or her dining room table. The storm continued to rage outside. Mac felt drawn to it. She walked toward the French doors leading to her balcony and opened the doors. The moment she opened the doors she felt and heard the thunder clap and saw the lightning streak across the sky. Mac's breath caught and she gasped. The rain blew into her face and it was cold. "I'm not numb after all," she thought. The storm raged on, and Mac continued to stand on the balcony, pulling in the storm and willing away the numbness, trying to feel something, anything again.

Harm turned his SUV onto Mac's street. The rain continued to pour which made the night that much darker. He looked up toward Mac's apartment and saw no lights in the windows. Harm pulled into a parking place across the street and looked up toward her apartment again. Lightning pierced the sky as he was looking and he saw her.

"Jesus, Mac!" Harm got out of his SUV and climbed the stairs into her building 2 at a time. He pounded on her door and when she didn't answer, used his key to get in. He did not remember crossing the room. He saw her turn slowly toward him.

She looked confused and she was trembling violently. "Harm?" she said as she stepped backward. Harm then took hold of both of her arms and guided her back into the room. "Harm, I can't feel anything, I … I can't feel anything at all. I can't cry, I don't feel anything at all. I feel hollow. What's going to happen to me?" Mac said as she crossed her arms and hugged herself as though she were all alone.

"Mac, you don't have to go through this alone. I'm here. Please let me help you," Harm pleaded. She still could not look at him directly.

She then realized that she was soaking wet and cold. "I have to get out of these clothes," she walked toward her bedroom. "You don't have to stay. I'll be alright."

Harm had no intention of leaving; he had stayed away for 3 weeks after they learned Webb was alive, no more. "I'm staying until you talk to me. I'll make some tea while you get dressed."

Harm picked up his cell-phone and dialed the number of someone who might be able to help.

Chapter 2

1900  
Mac's Apartment

Mac emerged from her bedroom after showering and dressing to find Harm waiting expectantly. "Feeling better?" Harm asked.

"Yeah, just a little embarrassed," Mac looked everywhere in the apartment but at him.

"There is nothing to feel embarrassed about," Harm walked toward her. He stood in front of her, careful not to get too close, "Do you trust me, Mac?"

She looked quickly up at him, surprised that he would ask such a question. "Of course I do."

"OK, then I have an idea, and I want you to hear me out before you say no."

Harm stepped away from Mac and walked toward her balcony, stopping at the French doors. He turned and looked back at her and then down at his feet. Mac could see him struggling with how to say whatever he had to say. She felt that much more wretched for putting him in this position. She started to speak, but Harm stopped her with a raised hand.

"Hear me out," he said. "You may not have noticed, but I've been getting out of D.C. every weekend for the last month or so. Mattie goes to see her Dad, which makes a very long weekend for me. I've been driving out to Pennsylvania to see my grandmother. The drive clears my head. The talks with my grandmother and the work on the farm have really gone a long way in helping me get through this time."

Harm walked back toward Mac again, close enough so that it was difficult not to look him in the eye.

"Look, I get that you don't want to talk about this now, but you still don't have to be alone. Come out there with me this weekend. I don't want anything from you but to know you're alright. I've wanted to get you and my grandmother together for years. She's the only other person besides you who won't let me get away with anything."

Harm smiled his smile and Mac had to smile back at him, in spite of herself.

Mac thought for a long moment. She was not looking forward to spending the weekend trying to interest herself in a book or the files she had brought home to review. She had completed everything she needed to do to prepare for Monday long before she left work today. Mac had a lot to decide and maybe she did need to get away. "Harm, I've got a lot on my mind, some things that you don't even know about yet. I won't be good company for anyone. I would hate for your grandmother to have this first impression of me."

She walked back toward her kitchen to the steaming mug of tea Harm had made. Harm followed her and picked up his mug of tea. He leaned against the counter across from her and studied her for a moment. 'Patience, Rabb,' he thought.

He had the feeling she really did want to come with him, but he was just going to give her time to decide for herself that it would be good to get out of here this weekend.

"Mac, my grandmother has a working farm, so she'll be pretty busy. And she is not someone who would pry into things that don't concern her. Although I can't promise she won't put you to work."

He smiled with that and Mac remembered again why he was such a tough opponent to beat in the courtroom. He could convince anyone of just about anything. She looked around the room and walked back into her living room. Suddenly the room seemed smaller and the thought of staying here seemed unbearable to her.

"Ok, Harm, I'll go. Let me grab my sea bag and a few changes of clothes and we'll get out of here."

Chapter 3

2400  
Interstate 76 West  
Somewhere in Pennsylvania

Harm glanced over to see Mac sleeping soundly. He smiled to himself, remembering how easily she fell asleep just about anywhere. He also knew that the trick for Mac was staying asleep. If the dark circles under her eyes lately were any indication, she wasn't sleeping much at all. He was surprised and relieved that Mac had agreed to come with him. He had called and left a message for Mattie at the apartment and let her know he was leaving early for Pennsylvania this weekend. He had told her to call him on his cell when she got in. She did call, right on time, and Mac didn't even stir. She had taken a mild pain medication before they left her apartment. She had undergone a biopsy about 10 days ago and still had some residual soreness. The biopsy was the other subject besides Webb that she would not talk about yet. During the last week she had been so distant that he knew something was going on – she wasn't angry; she just didn't interact at all.

At last Harm turned into the long drive onto his grandmother's property. Oscar, her Labrador retriever, barked a warning then a greeting as he pulled in front of her house.

Mac looked toward the house, then at Harm squinting from the porch light. Harm got out and came around to her side of the car. He opened the door and offered his hand. Mac took it and stood, then, letting go, leaned into Harm for a moment. He slipped his arm around her and guided her up the steps to his grandmother's front porch.

"You okay, Marine?" he asked.

"I didn't realize how tired I was. I think I was asleep before we got out of D.C."

Harm laughed a little "I know you were."

Just then the front door opened, and a tall, slender woman of nearly 6 feet stood before them. She was dressed in worn jeans and a loose fitting turtle neck. She had a shawl around her shoulders and all of her clothes were different shades of blue. She had long silvery white hair just past her shoulders and had it pulled back from her face with a clasp. When Mac looked at her, she smiled and offered her hand. Mac saw in an instant that Harm and his father had many of her features. Sarah Rabb's features were finer, but the striking blue green eyes and beautiful smile were her gifts to her son and grandson.

"Hello, Mac, I'm Sarah Rabb. It's great to finally meet you."

Sarah Rabb stepped back to allow her guests to come in. The house smelled of coffee and something wonderful baking in the oven. Harm stepped up to his grandmother and said, "You shouldn't have gone to all this trouble, Grandma."

"You know it's no trouble at all. I've been such a night owl lately; it was nice to have something to do. If you're both too tired for anything, don't worry about it. The cookies will keep and I made the coffee for me." Harm frowned at his grandmother, and she said, "Don't worry, Harmon, it's decaf."

They walked into the kitchen after she offered them a cup of coffee and sat down.

The kitchen was simple, with older appliances and a deep kitchen sink. It was neat and clean, without a lot of clutter. The room was warm and welcoming, and Mac's anxiety about meeting Mrs. Rabb was beginning to leave her. They talked about the weather and the trip out to the farm. The conversation was easy, not uncomfortable. Mac began to feel sleepy again and said, "If you two don't mind, I think I'll turn in now."

She began to stand up. Mrs. Rabb also stood, "Here, let me show you to your room and Harm will bring your things in."

Harm smiled at Mac, "You see who gives the orders around here, don't you?" They all laughed as Mac and Mrs. Rabb walked up the stairs.

"Mrs. Rabb, I want to thank you for allowing me to tag along with Harm this weekend. And the coffee and cookies were great,"

"Don't give it a thought, I'm glad to have you here. I hope you don't mind that I called you Mac right off the bat. Harm has spoken of you so often that I almost feel I know you and I know you as Mac."

"Not at all," she answered.

"Here we are," said Mrs. Rabb as they reached the door of the guest room.

Mrs. Rabb stepped into the room and turned on the lamp at the bedside table. The room was bathed in warm yellow light. An inviting room full of quilts, pillows and a wrought iron bed, it also was neat and without clutter. The mirrored dresser had two framed pictures: one Mac had seen before of Harm's mother and father when she was pregnant for him, and one of a man and woman in an embrace, cheek to cheek. As Mac walked toward it, Mrs. Rabb spoke. "That's my David and I."

Mac picked up the framed picture and, looking more closely, said, "You were both so young."

Mrs. Rabb looked at the picture thoughtfully and said, "Yes, we were. That picture was taken just before he went to join the Army Air Corps. I was 17 years old and he was 20."

Just then Harm walked into the room and dropped Mac's bags onto the bed. She turned and thanked him, and Mrs. Rabb showed her the guest bathroom and all the ins and outs of using the plumbing in a very old house. Harm and Mrs. Rabb bade her goodnight and went back downstairs and Mac got ready for bed.

Harm and his grandmother sat back down in the kitchen, each taking a fresh cup of coffee.

"Thanks again, Grandma. I can't give you a lot of details. I don't even have them all. I just know Mac needed to get out of D.C. and I felt the need to keep an eye on her right now. She's going through a pretty rough time."

Mrs Rabb studied her grandson for a moment. "Son, I'm glad to have your company, and Mac is welcome too. I have loved having you these last few weekends. I don't think you've spent so much time here since you came home and restored 'Sarah'."

"That was a bad time," Harm said.

Mrs Rabb rose from her chair and stood before her grandson, who was seated on the kitchen chair. "You got through it, Harmon; you come from good stock." She placed her hand on his cheek and kissed his forehead. They both smiled, and Mrs. Rabb said, "I'll think I'll turn in too. Make yourself at home, Harmon, and lock up before you go to bed."

Harm walked out onto the front porch sipping his coffee, trying to unwind before trying to get some sleep. It was cool but not cold with the smell of early fall in the air. Oscar padded around the porch and brushed against his legs. Harm reached down and patted the dog behind his ears, and he sat down at Harm's feet. He wasn't sure what, if anything would come of this weekend, but at least he had Mac close and he could be there for her if she needed him. There was something healing about this place. Coming here after his ramp strike had saved his sanity and his career.

He hoped being on the farm would do the same for Mac. There was so much he wanted her to know, but didn't know how he could even begin to approach her about anything now. He just knew he wasn't going to back away and wait for her to come to him, not this time. He wasn't going to push, but he wasn't going away either.

Harm walked up the stairs to go to his room, passing the guest bedroom at the top of the stairs. Mac stood in the dark looking out the window, her arms folded in front of her. The moon was full, casting shadows outside. They had driven out of the rain in D.C. and into a clear crisp night in Pennsylvania.

"You okay, Mac?"

Mac smiled her half smile, "Not yet, but I will be. I'm so sorry for scaring you like I did tonight. I really don't know what came over me. One minute I was walking in my door and the next I was standing on my balcony in the rain."

"I'm just glad I happened to be driving by and saw you," Harm said as Mac raised her eyebrows. "Okay, so I decided to drive by and make sure you got home alright."

Harm walked over to her at the window, and as he did Mac slipped her arms around his waist and pulled him close. "I'm sorry I have avoided you and that I haven't talked to you about what's going on. Just give me time and I'll get this all sorted out." Mac paused for a moment and sighed heavily. "One of the things that has been so hard for me to bear was to see the worry on your face and know I was the cause of it."

Harm had closed his arms around her, and she felt so small and fragile that his impulse to protect her became even stronger. He thought for a moment about what she said and then stepped back from her embrace. "The reason for the worry was because you wouldn't talk to me and because you seemed less like yourself than ever. Whatever happens, Mac, I'm your friend – we make a good team and I think we could handle anything if we do it together."

Mac looked into Harm's eyes, "Thank you for bringing me here with you, Harm."

"You're welcome," he said, kissing her forehead. "If you need anything, I'm just down the hall." With that, he turned and left the room and went to bed.

They both lay in their separate beds, listening to the sounds of the farm at night: the leaves on the trees rustling in the breeze, the crickets chirping, even a far away train rumbling on its tracks.

Harm could still feel her arms around him and could smell the scent of her on his t-shirt. He didn't know which was worse, being away from her or having her so close but not being able to tell her how he felt. He heaved a sigh, turned onto his side and willed himself to go to sleep.

Mac could feel his kiss on her forehead and felt as though she would burst into tears at any moment but she could not. She felt a dull ache in her chest and throat and with that she turned over and willed herself to go to sleep.

Chapter 4

Rabb Farm  
0630  
Belleville, Pennsylvania

Sarah Mackenzie woke suddenly from a dreamless sleep and was wide awake at once. She needed a few moments to remember where she was, and upon remembering sighed with relief and rose from the bed. She walked to the window and looked out. The view was breathtaking. The house stood on a hill and the long drive wound from the road. The land was hilly and thick with trees. The sky was pale blue and pink above and green with touches of russet below in the trees and on the ground. The scene was like a painting in an art gallery. It was so quiet Mac could hear someone walking outside on the gravel drive. She looked and saw Harm walking up the hill on the drive with Oscar playfully following him. He wore faded jeans and old liberty bonds t-shirt with a jean jacket worn open. He looked like a Ralph Lauren ad out there; why was it that Harm looked in place everywhere he was? He looked as though he belonged here. He also looked every bit the lawyer at JAG. He looked like a naval aviator from a Hollywood movie. Why did she feel such a fierce resentment just now? 'Do I resent that he belongs so many places and the only place I feel at home or at least any use is at JAG?' she wondered.

Mac shook herself to clear her head and gathered her things to freshen up before going downstairs. The coffee smelled heavenly and she suddenly felt very hungry.

Mac joined Harm outside on the porch with her coffee cup in hand. "So, Sailor, what are you making me for breakfast?"

Harm turned toward her and smiled. "Well, Mackenzie, what would you like?"

Mac was about to answer when they heard the sound of a truck coming up the drive with gravel and dust flying in the air. "Who in the world is that?" Mac said.

Harm grinned sheepishly "Uh, that's Grandma."

"Harm, she's got to be over 80 years old. What in the world is she doing driving like that?" Mac was incredulous. Harm looked amused at Mac's reaction to an independent woman of any age.

"Look, Mac, at least she's driving that Jeep Liberty. I talked her into that about 2 years ago. She used to drive an old Willy's that was at least 30 years old. She was banging around in that old Jeep all over the county. She went off the road and was thrown out of it. It was a wonder she didn't break anything. I still can't believe she didn't."

Just then Sarah Rabb got out of her Jeep and called to both of them. "Glad you're both up. I'll just put you two to work."

Harm and Mac walked out to the Jeep and helped carry in two bushel baskets of apples and couple of crates of groceries.

"I convinced Jack to open up for me. He's up with the chickens, just like I am," said Mrs. Rabb.

Harm smiled, "Is Jack still running that little store in town?"

Mrs. Rabb laughed, "Well, Harmon, I don't think you could call it a town anymore. We don't even rate showing up on the map. I think we're more like a gas station, a four way stop and Jack's little general store." They all laughed and went inside to prepare breakfast.

They had a wonderful breakfast. Mrs. Rabb baked biscuits served with strawberry jelly that she had made herself. They had eggs and bacon, and Harm even stole a slice from Mac's plate. "Has this country air turned you into a meat eater, Harm?" Mac said.

"Anything I eat here is fresh and not full of the preservatives that are in most things in the supermarket. So no, it's not the country air."

True to her word, Mrs. Rabb put them to work. She sent Harm to the edge of the property to repair a fence, although she didn't have any animals to keep in right now. Harm suspected she was giving him some busy work so that she would have time to talk with Mac. Mrs. Rabb truly wasn't the type to pry, but she had a way about her that drew people out of themselves. He never felt the need to be any more than what he was with her and that had been his saving grace after his ramp strike. Harm gave them both a glance over his shoulder and went to do as he was told.

Mrs. Rabb and Mac walked down a path to a long building. As they approached, Mac heard clucking and wrinkled her nose. Mrs. Rabb laughed and said, "It's a chicken house, Mac. Why do you think I had it built down wind?" They both began laughing then and set about gathering eggs.

After a few moments of instruction about how to gather eggs without hurting herself or the hens, Mac said, "I guess you must be wondering what's going on with me. Harm may have told you."

"No, Harm hasn't said a lot. I know you have lost some one you were close to recently and that you are having some health problems, but nothing other than that."

Mac looked away from her, her expression suddenly very serious. "Harm is a very good friend to me. In fact, I think he's the only true friend I have."

Mrs. Rabb smiled "Rabb men are loyal, that is a fact. My son Harmon, my husband David, and his father Andrew were wonderful people. David's mother was a small, quiet woman but very kind. She wasn't much of a talker, but when she spoke, you listened." Mrs. Rabb shook her head after she had spoken. "I don't know what I would have done without Mary and Andrew Rabb and that's the truth."

Mac listened thoughtfully, "You know, I've always wanted to know more about Harm's family, I've been almost envious of how solid they all seem. When Harm has spoken about his family, this farm or his mother and stepfather, I've always felt such a loss that I never had anything like that in my life."

Mac stopped speaking, surprised that she had spoken her thoughts out loud. Mrs. Rabb stepped up to her and gave her arm a pat. "I know just what you mean." Just then Mac got a little too close for comfort to one of the laying hens, causing it to squawk and ruffle its feathers. Mac stepped back quickly, startled, and she and Mrs. Rabb both laughed and made their way back to the house.

They came back into the kitchen and put the eggs into the old fashioned cooler she kept on the back porch, and then settled at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee. "Never enough coffee for me, I'm afraid," Mrs. Rabb said.

Mac smiled and nodded in agreement, "Mrs. Rabb, I've got some decisions to make about my health, and Harm, being the good friend he is, brought me out here to help me clear my head."

"Mac, you don't have to explain yourself to me." Mac told her that she wanted to and then told her what her doctors had told her. She had a tumor on her left ovary; the biopsy had revealed a stage II to stage III tumor. There had been some question about which stage she was in; only surgery would confirm that The tumor had to be removed, but options afterward were the most troubling, and a lot would depend on what was found during surgery. If the tumor was 'encapsulated,' then she might need to have radiation treatments as a precaution, but her chances of full recovery were about 90 and chances of pregnancy would be 50/50. If the tumor was not encapsulated, more aggressive surgery would be required, with chances of conceiving a family of her own almost nonexistent. It was also very likely she would require chemo therapy.

"Harm has been there for me every step of the way since I learned about my problem. I don't want to put more on his shoulders than I already have. My other issues about the loss of a person close to me, Harm shouldn't have to take on either. The situation is complicated,"

Mrs. Rabb raised her hand, "You don't have to tell me more and I really prefer that you didn't. We can talk about things in general terms if you like and then you don't have to worry about details or what you should or should not have said. I get the impression that you are weary, Mac. Rest here, relax, you are among friends."

Mrs. Rabb stood and walked around behind Mac to get more coffee and as she brought the carafe to Mac's cup, she placed her arm around her shoulder and gave it a squeeze. Mac felt tears stinging behind her eyes. Mrs. Rabb saw them and said, "Oh, honey, it's okay."

It was as though a dam had burst and all Mac's pent up pain over the past few months rushed out at once. She drew a deep breath, trying to compose herself, but trying to hold back only seemed to make it worse. Mrs. Rabb straightened her back and drew Mac to herself. Mac put her arms around her waist and began to cry in deep wracking sobs. She felt foolish and embarrassed but she could not stop. "I'm s-sorry – I …" Mac could not continue.

Mrs. Rabb hugged her close. "It's all right, Mac. Cry it out if you need to." And she did for some time.

Mrs Rabb looked up and saw Harm standing in the entry way to the kitchen. Harm's eyes were welled with tears and he started to come toward Mac. Mrs. Rabb stopped him with a look and a nod to go upstairs.

Mac began to calm down and said, "Please don't tell Harm about my making such a fool of myself. I don't think I could stand it if I embarrassed him in front of you."

Harm walked out of the room, and as he walked up the stairwell he heard his grandmother say, "Oh, I don't think you have to worry about Harmon. Here, I think this occasion calls for a paper towel." Mrs. Rabb smiled and handed her the paper towel, and they both laughed.

"Mrs. Rabb, I don't think I've laughed and cried this much in a long time." Mac wiped her eyes and blew her nose.

"Well, Mac, after all this, I think you can call me Sarah."

They laughed again and the sound drifted up the stairs to where Harm was cleaning up after his work outside. He smiled to himself and thought 'Bringing Mac here was one of the best ideas I've had in a long time.'

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Will You Always Be There?

Chapters 5 through 8

Disclaimers as previously stated.

Chapter 5

1300  
Rabb Farm  
Belleville, Pennsylvania

Mac woke slowly, and her eyes came to focus on Harm sitting at her bedside. She had suddenly become so tired after her emotional outburst this morning that Sarah had shooed her upstairs to lie down for awhile. She didn't need a lot of convincing and she was asleep almost before her head hit her pillow. "Hey, sleepyhead," Harm lightly brushed the hair from her eyes.

"Hey, I'm sorry I got so sleepy all of a sudden. It was as though I couldn't keep my eyes open." She pulled the light quilt back that someone had thrown over her. Mac sat up on the side of the bed and tried to get her bearings. She had begun to feel weaker than normal lately and she couldn't pass it off as a result of not getting enough sleep anymore.

She stood and walked to the window. Looking out, she said, "I don't know how you can stand to leave here and go back to Washington. It's just so beautiful and peaceful here."

Harm joined her at the window. "It was easy when I was younger, because nothing moved fast enough for me here. Now I have come to realize more and more that I am connected to this place more deeply than I ever believed." Harm looked thoughtfully out the window, resting his hand lightly on her back.

Mac turned toward him and said, "I can't tell you how much I appreciate your bringing me here with you, Harm. I know I fought you on it at first but I don't think I could have taken another weekend alone in that apartment."

Harm smiled. "Well, Mac, that's the advantage of having known you for over 9 years. I knew you wanted to get out of there. I just let you think it was your idea."

Mac pretended to punch him in the chest and laughed. "Ha! Think you're pretty slick, don't you flyboy?"

Harm laughed too and said, "Well, you're here, aren't you?"

Just then they heard Harm's grandmother call them for lunch. "Hungry, Marine?" Harm asked as they walked down the stairs.

Mac shrugged her shoulders. "Oh, a little. I think I'm still full from breakfast."

Harm walked into the kitchen behind Mac, frowning with concern. When was the last time Mac wasn't hungry? It had been over 5 hours since they ate breakfast.

They had another wonderful meal, homemade vegetable soup and cornbread with an apple pie that Mrs. Rabb had made from some of the apples they had brought in that morning... "Grandma, I'm going to have run an a few extra miles this week to keep from gaining weight. The weekends here are going to put it on me for sure," Harm said, pushing away from the table.

Mac finished about half of everything she was served. "What happened to that famous appetite I'm always hearing about?" Mrs. Rabb said as she cleared the dishes.

Mac gave Harm a side long glance, "What has Harm been telling you about me? I have a healthy appetite. I always have." She raised her eyebrows at Harm and saw him looking at the ceiling, out the window and generally avoiding her eyes. Mac smiled and tossed a dishtowel at him.

"Hey! For that you get to help me clear out the flower beds. Keep it up and I'll have you mucking out the barn."

Harm and Mac walked out of the kitchen, taking their jackets from the wall as they went. "Don't worry, Mac," Mrs. Rabb said. "I have Jack's boy come help me with the barn. Harm hasn't done that in years."

Harm had almost reached the door when he slipped back and stuck his head back in the kitchen. "How old is Jack's boy now, Grandma? Sam's about 60, isn't he?"

Harm's grandmother laughed and picked up her dish towel and started toward Harm with a purpose. Harm quickly slipped out the door before his grandmother could reach him. "He's 56, Mister! Maybe I will have you clean a few stalls out there before you head back to Washington," she then turned back into the house chuckling to herself.

Harm and Mac started out toward the shed at the side of the property. There was a large flower bed that could be seen from Mrs. Rabb's kitchen window. Most of the flowers were brown and looked sorely in need of clearing away. They gathered their tools and started on the flower beds. "You start on one end and I'll take the other, then we'll finish together in the middle, okay?" Harm said

Mac nodded and began her work. She was quiet for quite some time as they worked. Harm would look up at her from time to time. She didn't look sad but very deep in thought. They worked in silence for nearly an hour. They were closer together, toward the middle of the garden when Mac reached down to pull a weed from the ground. She drew in a breath sharply; Harm heard her, "Hey, are you alright?"

Mac straightened her body and grimaced. "You're going to sit down for awhile. You should have said something, Mac." Harm came to her linked his arm with hers.

"Come on, I need a break anyway. If I don't slow down, I'll be so broken down old Sam will be kicking my butt." Harm looked into Mac's eyes and was pleased to see that he had made her smile.

They sat on the front porch, which stretched across the front of his grandmother's house. They both sat on a cushioned glider with Harm helping ease Mac into the seat and resting his arm behind her. Mrs. Rabb had looked out and saw Mac and Harm walking toward the porch. She made them both a large mug of tea and brought it to them.

"Sarah, I thought you were a coffee drinker," Mac said.

"Oh, I keep tea in the cupboard for our teetotaler here," she said as she ruffled his hair. Harm quickly straightened what she had ruffled and rolled his eyes. Mrs. Rabb walked back to the door and said as she went in, "You had that coming, Harmon."

Harm looked at Mac. "See, I told you she won't let me get by with anything."

They sat in silence for awhile, then Mac said, "Harm, I think it's time I told you what's going on with me. I want to tell you before I do that I appreciate what you have done for me this weekend. I know I keep saying it …"

Harm smiled, "Yes… you do."

"This is hard for me, Harm, give me a break. I need to get this out." Harm settled back against the seat and nodded and Mac began to speak.

"First, about my biopsy: pathology reports have graded my tumor at Stage II to III. They will know more when I have my surgery. I will have it removed next Tuesday. One of two things will happen. If my tumor is what they call encapsulated and has not spread, it will be removed and I could possibly undergo radiation. It will leave me with a 90 chance of full recovery and a 50/50 chance of conceiving a baby. If the tumor is not encapsulated and has spread then I will have to have a more radical surgery and my chances of conceiving a child myself will be nil."

Harm slipped his arm off of the back of the glider and squeezed her shoulder, waiting for her to continue. "Harm, I know this tables our little deal and may cancel it forever. I don't want you to feel obligated to honor a promise you made when life was much different for both of us." Harm looked at her and asked her to go on.

Mac took a sip of her tea, "Secondly, about Webb. I've had a lot of time to think about all that's happened and whether or not I loved him. I've wondered; since I've learned of all the lies that were told, if I even knew him at all. When we were in Paraguay and he was being tortured, he told me he would keep them away from me as long as he could. He told me he wasn't sure if he requested my help because of my skills or that he just needed me with him. I didn't know what to say to him, other than I didn't want him to die for me."

Mac stood and walked to the edge of the porch, looking out at the hills at the far side of the farm. "I thought that he had let himself bear that torture for me. I could hear him screaming for hours then weakly begging for them to stop. After a time the silence would come and I feared that he was dead." Mac drew a deep shaking breath. "The hardest thing…Oh God…The hardest thing for me to bear was the guilt."

Harm stood and walked up behind her. "Mac, it wasn't your fault."

Mac turned to face him. "You don't understand. All I could think of, all that kept me from losing my mind when I heard that Webb screaming was …was that it wasn't you." Harm looked confused for a moment. Mac walked back to the glider and sat down on the edge of the seat. "I thought to myself, It's not Harm. He's safe at home. Webb could have been tortured to death and all I could do was thank God it wasn't you" Mac's face contorted in pain and she began to sob, covering her face with her hands.

Harm crossed the porch to her and knelt in front of her, gathering her into his arms. "Its okay, Mac. It was hell and you were just trying to get through it. God, when I think that I could have lost you forever… We all came so close to losing our lives on that trip, Mac."

Mac looked up at Harm. "You came to our rescue and I was so glad to see you, but I also thought Webb was dying. I thought he was dying because he cared for me. The person who was dreaming of you while he was being tortured. I knew I didn't feel the way he felt about me. I wanted to comfort him. I thought I would never see him alive again. I kissed him and told him I liked being his wife. I wouldn't let him say more. I couldn't believe it. It was Dalton's murder all over again and I was responsible."

Harm closed his eyes, shook his head and remembered how that kiss had changed everything. He remembered every nasty remark he said and in hindsight how callous it must have seemed to her. Mac continued,

"Then Webb came through alive and I was so relieved that he didn't die. Just before that when you and I were lying so close together in our bed at the hotel, I was ready to fall into your arms and forget the world. When Webb and Gunny came in and interrupted us and I saw again how badly he was hurt, I felt disgusted with myself for reaching out to you while he was suffering so badly. Things just deteriorated from there. You would hurt me with your nasty comments and I would hit back harder. I always do. I know that. We saved the day, we came home and you lost everything because of me. I remembered your comment to Sturgis – every man who has ever been involved with Mac is either dead, or wishes he was."

Harm sat back on the porch wishing he could take back those words, but Mac said, "Harm, it's true. My life is a train wreck. It has been for a long time and I can't blame anyone but myself. Dealing with this disease and the possibility of losing my life has made me look at my life with clarity I never had before. I walked into that relationship with Webb knowing what he was capable of but I did it anyway. I came to visit him right after the admiral had let you go. I heard him and Catherine Gale talking to you and then I knew. I knew Webb had used us. He knew you would come after me. He knew I would feel guilty about his torture. He knew your jealousy would get the better of you and we would once again walk away from each other. He also must have known the admiral wouldn't take you back. You flew for the Company and gave him yet another feather in his cap."

Mac sat back on her seat and looked at the ceiling. "I thought I deserved Webb. I ruined everything and he was just up my alley. My kind of guy. I don't feel that way more. Whatever happens to me now, I will never let myself be used by anyone again. Commander McCool has helped me more than I have wanted to admit. I know I have a long way to go, but I think I'm on my way now. Coming here this weekend has helped so much, Harm. I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough."

Harm stood and walked to the porch steps. He turned and looked at Mac, his expression unreadable. "You have given me a lot of things to think about, Mac. I need time to take it all in. I'm going to take a walk. I want you to know and understand something, though. I don't want your gratitude, Mac. I never did."

Chapter 6Mac stood and watched Harm walk down the stone walkway leading to the drive. This was the first time all weekend that she had seen his walls go up. His face had nearly been an open book to her until now. She didn't want to lose that again so soon. She needed him and with all she had to deal with she was just too tired to fight her feelings for him anymore.

She turned and walked toward the front door and entered. She saw Mrs. Rabb at the kitchen sink peeling the remainder of the apples. "Come on in here, Mac, and help me get these ready for making my pastries in the morning."

"You really are trying to fatten us up, aren't you?"

Mrs. Rabb smiled. "You look as though you could use some weight, and if I know Harm he'll run it off before next weekend."

Mac stood next to Mrs. Rabb at the sink and began her task. She glanced every so often at her features in profile. She was a handsome woman for her age and she really would have passed for someone in her 60's. Her skin was worn but not overly so and tanned from the sun which made her eyes that much more striking. It was one of the features that Harm had that never failed to start butterflies in her stomach. Harm, she thought and sighed.

"Are you alright, honey?"

Mac looked at her and replied. "Harm and I were having a pretty intense discussion. I finally told him about my health issues and we also discussed …." Mac struggled for the words.

"Your relationship?"

Mac exhaled, "Yeah, among other things. It's complicated."

"You and Harm really seem to like that word." Mrs. Rabb chuckled to herself. "Don't worry about him, Mac. He's just doing what he always does. He'll walk down the drive and follow that old creek until he finds his favorite place. He'll sit on that rock and throw stones in the water. Every major crisis that he ever went through in his life brought him back here to that little place. You both seem to be at a place where you have some decisions to make and you both need time to make them. I'll quote my mother in law – let's not borrow trouble. Sometimes you have to take things minute by minute."

After they had prepared the apples for her famous apple fritters, they walked into the living room. Mac sat down on an overstuffed chair near the fireplace. Mrs. Rabb crossed the room and covered Mac's legs with a quilted throw.

"Mac, I want you to think about something," I'd like you to consider staying here for awhile, this coming week, at least. I'd love to have you and to be honest I think you could use the company too. I'm not sure what you and Harm are to each other, but I know you are very good friends, and because of that alone I'd like to help too."

Mac was so touched she didn't dare speak. She was afraid she'd start blubbering again and she wasn't sure her pride could take much more of that. Mac nodded an affirmative, and Mrs. Rabb smiled, seeming to understand her fear. "Great. I think you and I are going to be friends, Mac."

Mac nodded said in almost a whisper, "I'd like that very much, Sarah."

Mrs. Rabb winked and smiled Harm's smile, then went back to the kitchen to start yet another pot of freshdecaf coffee.

Harm had walked down the winding drive just as his grandmother said he would. He passed under the thick green and russet foliage arched over part of the drive. Oscar pranced again at his heels, following his favorite visitor. He walked without thinking about where he was going, his mind reeling with all that had happened in the last 24 hours. Yesterday Mac seemed a million miles away, now she was here, in one of his favorite places in the world. Yesterday he felt clueless as to how she felt about anything and just now things seemed to rush out of her so fast that he barely had time to absorb it all. He loved her that was certain. The difficult part was, knowing when to tell her without overwhelming her more than she already was.

Harm walked along the stream, nearing the place he always stopped and climbing atop the rock, he sat down. He smiled when he saw a pile of small stones in a depression on the rock's surface. Reaching down to pick them up, he began to throw them in the stream one at a time. He frowned all of a sudden when he thought,how did these stones get up here? He could see his grandmother trying to scramble up on this rock. He shook his head and leaned back. The sky was what his grandmother called October blue. She decided it had a special color. Sunlight dappled through the trees and Harm reclined back on the rock. "Gratitude," he said aloud. He wanted more than gratitude from Mac. He wanted – no, he needed – her love.

Harm's mind went back to the time in his life when he understood the difference between love and gratitude. It was the summer his mother had married Frank. He knew she did not love him. He was so angry at her. He felt that his mother had betrayed him and his father. That was a long time ago, he wasn't angry anymore and he understood her decision was not a betrayal of anyone. He did feel, though, that his mother had settled, and the thought still made him ill. What had made Mac and Webb so hard to take had been the look of gratitude on Mac's face and Webb's willingness to accept it. Webb was no fool; he knew she didn't love him. He should hate him, but somehow in light of all that had happened he could not. Webb had lost his life as he knew it. Mac's heart was closed to him. He knew what that was like and would not have wished it on anyone. Harm felt for a long time that they had both turned their backs on him. Now he felt as though they had all been swept up in something far bigger than they were. He was glad for their friendship together but knew now that the time for them was over. At least anything that had included Webb.

Harm drew a deep breath and thought aloud, "Mac has cancer." He sat up quickly and ran his hand through his hair to the back of his neck. He bowed his head and prayed aloud. "Oh God, please don't take her away from me now. No matter what happens between us, I have to know she's alive in the world and that she is well." He looked up and tears stung his eyes. She had to let him help her this time. Her question at the Dining Out ran through his mind once again. Will you always be there?

"Yes," Harm said aloud. He got up and climbed down the rock and headed back to the house.

Chapter 7Mrs. Rabb busied herself preparing dinner and doing a little organizing in her kitchen. Mac slept in the chair by the fireplace with her feet propped up on the ottoman. Her head rested easily on the back of the chair. Just then Mrs. Rabb glanced up and saw her grandson walking purposefully up the drive. His jaw was set and there was a look of determination in his eyes. Mrs. Rabb watched until he disappeared from sight and ascended the front steps. She made her way to the door and opened it just as Harm reached for the doorknob. Harm looked a little confused as Mrs. Rabb placed a finger to her lips and nodded toward Mac sleeping peacefully in the chair. Harm's face softened when he looked at her. The look was not lost on his grandmother and she motioned for him to follow her into the kitchen.

They sat down at the kitchen table with Harm sitting so that he could see Mac. She looked so small sitting in that chair covered with his grandmother's favorite throw quilt.

"Harmon," Mrs. Rabb said, pulling Harm from his reverie. "I've invited Mac to stay here this week with me." Harm looked from her to Mac and felt such a relief that once again he felt tears sting his eyes. Mrs. Rabb continued.

"She has told me about her condition and that she is to have surgery a week from Tuesday. Harm, she seems so tired and so much in need of someone to take care of her. Frankly, I've never seen anyone more world weary than she seems to be."

Harm nodded. "She's been through a lot."

"It appears that you both have," Mrs. Rabb got up from the table to gather the dishes to set it for dinner. It was nearly dark and her roast was nearly ready for their evening meal.

"I'm going to make a phone call to our acting CO and get this cleared with him," Harm started toward the phone on the wall.

"She called and spoke with Sturgis earlier. He asked that you call him when you got back. Is Sturgis your acting CO?"

"Yeah, he's temporary JAG until the new one is sworn in. Who knows how long that will be? He's still before the Senate appointing committee," Mrs. Rabb raised her eyebrows in surprise and looked at him.

"He's letting it go to his head, too," Harm added.

Mrs. Rabb chuckled quietly. "Oh, I don't know, Harm. I always thought our serious Sturgis was CO material."

"I'm going to get the cordless phone out of the guest room and make that phone call."

Harm went quietly up the stairs so he would not disturb Mac. When he replaced the phone in the handset after his conversation with Sturgis, he saw the picture his grandmother has placed on the dresser. The picture was one of his mother and father. They were laughing and looking into each other's eyes. She was very pregnant and he was behind her reaching around her tummy. They looked so happy and the love was evident on both their faces. He picked it up and looked more closely. This is what I want, he thought. He had shown Renee the picture before. He had a smaller one at home in his apartment. Renee had made some comment about the prize in the Cracker Jack box. She didn't get it. He didn't know why he was surprised. He looked at the other framed picture of his grandparents. The love was evident there too.

"Hey, stranger," Mac had quietly entered the room.

Harm was startled and looked quickly up at her. "Hey, yourself,"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sneak up on you. I'll just go back downstairs," She turned to leave the room.

"No, Mac, wait. I was just getting a look at my parents and grandparents." He held up the picture of his parents and asked, "Have you ever seen this picture?"

Mac smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, I saw it sticking up out of a book in your office once. I couldn't resist. They looked so happy and you look so much like your father. I just had to get a closer look."

Harm walked toward her carrying the picture. He handed it to her, and she looked at it and then up at Harm.

"That's what I want, Mac. I want the real thing," Harm said. "I won't settle for anything less and I don't want you to either," he passed by her and out of the bedroom door. Mac followed him back down stairs, carrying the picture with her.

Dinner was as wonderful as breakfast and lunch had been. Country fare to be sure: beef roast and green beans with potatoes. Mrs. Rabb had canned the beans herself after she had picked them from her own garden. Much to Mac's astonishment, Harm ate a little bit of the beef roast.

"I wish I had a camera," Mac said. "You're just full of surprises, Harm."

"Well, back at ya, Mackenzie," Harm gave her a sly smile. Mac blushed and looked away. Harm cursed himself when he remembered then where they had said those words. He looked at her and was relieved to see she wasn't offended by their mention at all. "I spoke with Sturgis while you were freshening up for dinner,". So….. You're going to make me drive all the way back to Washington by myself, are you?"

"Well, Mrs. Ra…I mean Sarah asked me to stay, and you know how I've enjoyed being here. I really can't believe how much I'm sleeping."

"I'm just teasing, Mac. I glad you're staying,"

"That makes two of us," Mrs. Rabb said as she rose from the table.

Mrs. Rabb had turned on the radio. Soft jazz filled the room as they cleared the table.

"Let me clean this up, Sarah. You've been so kind today and I'd like to do a little something to pay you back," Mac said

"I'll help her, Grandma," Harm was trying to shoo his grandmother out of the room.

"I'll just grab another cup of coffee and catch up on my reading," Just then a song that seemed familiar to Mrs. Rabb came on the radio. It was called "A Little Sugar" by Nina Simone. "She reminds me of Billie Holiday. I loved her voice" Mrs. Rabb closed her eyes and swayed a little bit on her way to the living room singing "want a little sugar in my bowl".

"Grandma!" Harm said, blushing furiously. Mrs. Rabb laughed, "Oh, Harmon, honestly, you wouldn't be here if it weren't for thatlittle bit of sugar."

Harm turned and walked quickly to the sink. Mrs. Rabb turned at the entryway and looked at Mac. She said, "Harmon thinks we found him in the cabbage patch."

Mac and Mrs. Rabb laughed even harder, and Harm said, "I hope you two are having a good time."

Mac looked at Harm, "Yes, we are," laughing heartily as she finished clearing out the kitchen.

Harm pretended to be offended for about 30 seconds and then laughed right along with her. He thought that it was so good to hear her laugh and to do something with her as simple as cleaning up the kitchen.

They settled in the living room on the couch which sat in front of the fireplace, jazz still playing on the radio. They each settled into a corner of the couch, Harm with his legs stretched out and Mac sitting Indian style. Just then there was a knock on the door. Harm answered the door to find Sam O'Reilly waiting.

"What's going on, Sam?" Harm asked.

"Hello, Harm, I'm sorry to bother you so late but I've got a flat and I'm just down the road. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind giving me a hand. I could handle it myself, but the car slid off of the road a bit and I may need a push once I get that tire on."

Sam looked a bit embarrassed to have to ask. Harm put him at ease immediately, and as he got his jacket, he introduced Mac to Sam. He left with Sam and returned in less than a half a hour.

Mrs. Rabb had missed their visitor. She had fallen asleep in her bedroom with an Agatha Christie novel on her lap.

Harm hung up his jacket in the kitchen and washed his hands. Mac smiled at him as he entered the room and asked, "Are you cold?"

Harm answered as he rubbed his hands together, "It's not too bad out there, maybe in the high 40's. It's a perfect fall night, really."

Mac stood and walked toward him. She reached for his hands. "Your hands are freezing."

Harm felt the warmth in her touch and could not resist pulling her into his arms. "Mmmm, you're so warm. Come here and spread some of that around," Harm said, chuckling as he rubbed briskly on her back to warm his hands. Mac laughed and rubbed his back too. They stepped away from each other after a moment and sat back down on the couch.

Harm turned to Mac. "Hey, where are you going? I'm not warmed up yet." Mac scooted closer to Harm and tucked her shoulder under his. He pulled her into his embrace and she circled her arms around his waist.

"Much better," Harm said, chuckling deep in his chest.

"Yes, I think I like it better too."

Harm rubbed his hands up and down her back and asked, "Does your back feel okay like this?"

Mac, touched by his concern, answered. "I'm fine, but if you want to give me a little mini back rub, I wouldn't object."

A slow sly smile spread across Harm's face. "Just what is a mini back rub, Mac?"

Mac blushed and raised her head and looked at him. "Okay, Sailor, if you're going to give me a hard time…"

Harm pulled her close to him again. "Okay, okay, I get it."

They sat curled up in each other's arms for some time. Mac never asked if he was warm enough and Harm never asked if she wanted him to stop rubbing her back. They both loved where they were. It had been an emotional day for both of them. There was more to say, but they were in silent agreement that they would enjoy the moment and let tomorrow take care of itself. Mrs. Rabb had been right about many things, one of them being that they had been through a lot and they both needed to rest.

So, in the warmth of that room, in the safety of each others arms, rest they did.

Chapter 8Harm lay awake watching the colors of the sky change from darkness to the dawn. He had been awake for nearly an hour. He and Mac had slept all night on the couch. They had gradually shifted to lying spoon fashion with Mac's head resting securely in the crook of his left arm as he had folded it around her. In her sleep she lightly held on to his forearm and Harm rested his right hand on her hip. She felt so good in his arms. Her body felt fragile and much slimmer than she had been in a long time, but it still curved in all the right places and fit to his as though they had been made for each other.

He thought he should get up. He knew he had better get up and quickly before his grandmother came out of her bedroom. 'I sound like a teenager worried about grandma catching me making out on the couch,' he thought. He wanted just a few more minutes. A year ago he would have given anything to be lying here like this with her.

Just then Mac woke and stretched a little and looked at Harm over her shoulder. "Hey there, Sailor."

Harm looked down into her eyes and Mac saw them darken with desire. "Hey," he whispered.

Mac then realized that her stretch, as she woke, might have triggered a response she wasn't quite ready for. She blushed and sat up on the side of the couch with her back toward Harm.

"I guess I better get upstairs and get ready for breakfast,"

Harm looked at Mac, a little embarrassed himself, and said, "Uh, yeah, I'll be up in a minute." Mac stood and walked toward the stairs and quickly up to her room without looking at Harm at all. Harm rolled to his back and rolled his eyes. "Whew," he thought.

Mrs. Rabb had been true to her word and had made her famous apple fritters. Mac came down the stairs following the wonderful aroma of coffee and pastries baking. This is heaven, she thought with a smile. Harm was still showering and Mrs. Rabb sat at the table as though waiting for her. She rose and took a plate and a cup from her cupboard and invited Mac to sit down. They exchanged pleasantries and Mac praised her apple fritters. They were heavenly and Mrs. Rabb feigned modesty but Mac knew she was proud of one of her specialties. Harm had told her about his grandmother's baking skills.

Mrs. Rabb rose from the table and placed her cup and saucer in the sink. She said, "Well, it's time I got ready for church. You're welcome to come along, Mac."

"I don't know. I don't really think I should. It might be a little awkward," Mac said.

Mrs. Rabb smiled and walked up beside her. "Now, honey, you don't think they're going to grab you by your collar and drag you down to the altar, do you?" Mrs. Rabb laughed with that comment and started toward her bedroom.

"It wouldn't be the first time someone tried to save the heathen," Mac said.

Mrs. Rabb turned and laughed with Mac. "It's up to you, Mac. You're certainly welcome to come with us, or if not, you can make yourself at home here."

Harm waited in the living room. He had dressed in dark gray slacks with a steel grey shirt. Just then his grandmother descended the stairs. She could still make quite an entrance. She looked beautiful. She had pulled her hair back and up from her neck. Her hair was different shades of silver grey, accentuating her coloring and features. She wore a pant suit of periwinkle that brought out the blue in her eyes. Harm looked up at her and smiled while shrugging into his jacket.

"Are you about ready?" he asked.

He saw Mac emerge from the guest room in a beautiful russet red dress, carrying a duster that matched it in color.

"I guess I'll tag along after all," Mac said.

Harm closed his mouth and swallowed, and Mrs. Rabb said "Great – come along, we better hurry if we want to make it on time."

Harm composed himself quickly at the thought of his grandmother driving. "I'll drive, if it's okay with you, grandma." Mrs. Rabb acquiesced and got into the SUV, thinking, 'He thinks he's fooling me but he isn't. I'll let him drive; I'm feeling too good to argue.'

The little church was only about 15 minutes from the farm. It was small and appeared to be an older building. It was clean and well kept. Mac and Harm followed Mrs. Rabb into the sanctuary. As they walked in, people already in the room seemed to automatically turn toward them. Some of the parishioners came to say hello. They were friendly but not overly so. Some of them had known Harm as a boy. One said as he nodded toward Harm, "Sarah, he sure has your looks," causing nearly identical sheepish grins and blushes from Harm and his grandmother. They sat down with Mac sitting between them. Harm had slipped his hand into hers and Mrs. Rabb rested her arm on the pew behind her. Mac sighed quietly and Harm looked down at her. He smiled at her and Mrs. Rabb patted her back as she turned to greet someone across the isle.

The service went smoothly. The songs were the standards Mac had heard before, though she and her family did not attend church when she was a child. There were many conflicting religions for one family. 'It's hard to be a practicing Muslim when your name is Mackenzie,' she thought. The pastor was younger than she expected, about Harm's age. He was friendly and appeared to be a happy man. He greeted Harm and his visitor from the pulpit. He said,

"We're glad to have Mrs. Rabb's grandson with us once again. My goodness, this makes about 4 Sundays in a row, doesn't it?" Harm blushed and the congregation chuckled along with Mrs. Rabb.

The sermon was short, much to Mac's relief, and they were on their way back to the farm by eleven-thirty. One thing that the pastor had said stuck with Mac, though. He said that people always looked for God in the light, in the good things in life. But he said that God was there in the darkness too "Though I make my bed in hell, thou art with me."

When they returned home, Mac was bone tired again. She excused herself and went to lie down for a while before lunch. Harm and his grandmother sat on the front porch looking out at yet another beautiful day. Harm said,

"Grandma, I want to thank you again for inviting Mac to stay this week. I can't think of anything that would be better for her than this place."

Mrs. Rabb thought for a moment and said, "I'm not sure why I felt so strongly that I should ask her to stay. As I said before, I don't think I've ever seen anyone so weary and apparently so alone."

Harm looked down at his feet and then stood up. "Mac has had a very rough early life – there is so much to tell and I feel as though I would be betraying her trust if I told you. I have the feeling she will in her own time. She seems so comfortable here – I don't want to do anything that would change that. Recent events and her health problems just seem to be the last straw for her. I just…I just want to be there for her, if she'll let me." Harm turned and stood at the porch railing, looking out.

Mrs. Rabb stood and walked over to him, putting her hand on his shoulder. "It looks as though you're already being there for her, Harmon. I'll help you both all that I can." She thought for a long moment and asked, "She's the one, isn't she, Harm?"

Harm braced his hands on the porch rail and looked to the side at his grandmother. "Yes, she is."

Mrs. Rabb smiled. "Whew! I never thought I'd live to see the day" She nudged him with her shoulder and they both began to laugh. She hugged her grandson and then sent him out to do a few chores. She decided that he could muck out the barn after all. He needed to work off those 2 apple fritters he ate that morning for breakfast.

The day had warmed considerably, and Harm was working up a pretty good sweat. He heard foot steps behind him and turned to see Mac climb up and stand on the lower fence rail. She had a towel in her hands, and as Harm stepped up to the other side of the fence, she wrapped it around his neck. He patted the sweat from his face and stepped even closer between the fence and a water trough. He leaned in a little closer to Mac, and without speaking Mac picked up the end of the towel. She lovingly smoothed it across his brow, down his cheek and neck. Her gaze fell to his mouth and she then looked up into his eyes. They both smiled … and then Mac saw the position that Harm was standing in. She kissed him softly on the mouth and gave him a mischievous grin. "You taste salty, Harmon, and I think you need a bath." She gave him a shove backward and he fell straight into the water trough.

As soon as Harm hit the water Mac ran to the door of the barn, laughing hysterically all the way. She peeked around into the doorway to see Harm emerge from the water. He was wiping water out of his eyes and he looked up and locked eyes with Mac. He said in a quiet voice, "Okay, Mackenzie, that's it."

Mac's mouth formed an "O" and she turned and started to run. Before she had run two steps Harm was out of the water and at the barn door. Harm caught her by her hips and turned her around. He pressed his wet body against her nice clean t-shirt and jeans and Mac squealed as she was covered in stagnant water and Harm's sweat. Harm said, "Aw, come on, Mac, don't I get a hug for all my hard work?"

"Harm! Stop it!" she said laughingly.

Harm gave her a devilish grin and said, "You're just lucky I'm feeling generous, Ms. Mackenzie, or you'd be in the trough by now."

Mac pushed away from Harm and said mockingly, "Oh, I know, I know, Harm and I really appreciate it!" She turned and ran toward the house, but not before Harm noticed how her wet t-shirt clung to her in all the right places. He slowly followed her into the house and said to himself, "That's right, Mackenzie, you're just lucky."

Mrs. Rabb had made a light dinner of vegetable soup and sandwiches. Harm had begun to dread finishing dinner because he knew he had to get back to Washington. Mac had gone back upstairs and lay across the bed. The fatigue she was experiencing worried her and she was relieved that she didn't have to try to hang on for another week. It had been harder and harder to get up and go in to work, and once she was back home she had little energy to do anything but sit on her couch. She heard Harm in the hall and rolled to her side. He stood in the doorway and sat his duffle bag outside the door. Walking over to the bed, he sat down and asked, "Do you need me to call anyone for you when I get back?"

Mac smiled. "No, Harm, I appreciate it but I've already called Cmdr. McCool and let her know what I'm doing. She is going to drop by and see me while I'm at Bethesda, after my surgery."

Harm looked down, "You don't have to answer this, but what does she think about your staying out here?"

"I don't mind that you asked, Harm,"

Harm then stretched across the bed and faced her. He rested his head on his hand, "I'm going to miss you, Mac. It's been so good to be here with you these past few days."

"I've loved being here, Harm. I didn't realize how exhausting my job had been for me lately. As much as I love my job, I have been pretty overwhelmed by it in addition to this health problem I've had. I've been feeling lost lately because prior to this illness, I felt that my job was who I was. The seriousness of the situation has made me realize that I will have to concentrate all my energies into recovering from this….thing."

Harm noticed that she could not say the word 'cancer.' She continued, "I know I'm in for a battle now, and now that I'm beginning to get my bearings I think I can fight it. I can't tell you what this weekend has meant to me or how much I've needed it."

Harm smiled and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. He said, "I think I understand." He leaned forward and kissed her forehead and then sat up on the side of the bed.

Mac thought that he looked so sad. "I'll be fine, Harm." He stood and walked to the door.

He turned and looked at her again and said "I know." He paused and smiled a sad smile. "You just won't be with me."

Harm walked down the stairs, said goodbye to his grandmother, and headed back toward Washington D.C. He would miss her a great deal, but was comforted by the fact that she was with the person he trusted most in the world.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Will You Always Be There?

Chapters 9 through 12

Disclaimers as previously stated.

Chapter 9

2200  
Interstate 76 East  
Somewhere in Pennsylvania

Harm drove toward Washington D.C. deep in thought. It had been nearly dark when he left Belleville. It was a beautiful evening, the sky streaking deep blue, orange and yellow as the sun set. He needed to get back to his life. Mattie would be home probably before he was. He was ready for Monday, but not a Monday without Mac. He supposed he had better get used to it, though he was not looking forward to it 

It was nearly 2330 as he neared the Beltway when his cell phone rang. Mattie was calling to check in. "Hey, sorry I'm running so late, kiddo. Did you have a good weekend?"

Mattie answered, "Yeah, it was okay. I spent some time with some cousins I haven't seen in a while. I've got a paper due in the morning, so I'm going to go."

Harm's brow creased with concern. "Hey, I thought you were finished with that."

Mattie answered quickly, "I just want to go over it one more time. I'm turning into a perfectionist, like someone else I know."

Harm smiled. "Alright, I'll let you slide this time, but you need to get in bed, kiddo. You should have been asleep a long time ago."

Harm hung up and soon was on the Beltway. It had been a long drive. It took much longer coming back than it had driving out on Friday night.

He was just a few blocks from home when his cell phone rang again. Harm thought, 'Mattie? What is she still doing up?' He answered, "Hey, kiddo, what are you doing still up?"

Mac answered, "Well, Dad, I'm sorry. I just called to say goodnight."

His heart squeezed at the sound of her voice. "What are you still doing up, Mackenzie?" Harm teased.

"I was just falling asleep when I remembered that I never answered your question. The one about what Cmdr. McCool thought about my staying here. You distracted me,"

"Okay, how did I manage that?" Harm was having fun.

"Let me answer your question first," She sounded sleepy and her voice was just husky enough to make him want to turn around and go back to Belleville.

"Go ahead then,"

"She was really pleased that I decided to do this. She had wanted me to begin my medical leave at the beginning of last week. She thought that if I didn't take time before the surgery that I would go into it emotionally and physically exhausted."

Harm was quiet for a moment. "You would have done that if you hadn't come with me this weekend."

"I know, Harm, but now I'm all tucked in, dreaming about your grandmother's heavenly pastries with a nice big cup of coffee that I'll be having first thing in the morning." She chuckled sleepily as she spoke.

Harm thought that she sounded so sexy that he wanted to climb into bed with her right then. "Oh, hey, that's not fair,"

She continued to laugh at him. "I guess I'll let you go, Harm."

"Oh, Mac…don't do that," Harm said mischievously.

"Goodnight, Flyboy."

"Good night, Mac." Harm turned into his parking space at his apartment. The apartment may have been empty but he did not feel alone.

0830

Monday

Jag HQ

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm stepped off of the elevators and into the bullpen. He saw Mac's empty office and it struck him how she had looked the last time he saw her here. She looked so much different now when he pictured her in his mind. She'd looked drawn and tired on Friday night. On Sunday morning she'd looked so beautiful. Her beautiful dark hair, down to her shoulders, softly curled and framing her face. Somehow, over the weekend, he felt he had gotten to see the Sarah under the Marine. The miracle was that he did not have to push her. It just seemed to happen. On the farm they were just Harm and Mac, with Grandma throwing in just enough humor to make them laugh at themselves.

"Commander Rabb," Petty Officer Jennifer Coates called to Harm across the bullpen. "Commander Turner would like to see you right after staff call, sir"

"Thank you, Petty Officer." Harm internally shook him self and decided it was time to get his head in the game.

Staff call was uneventful. Cases were pretty evenly divided. Mac had done an excellent job handing over the few cases she had. She had spoken to Bud over the weekend as well as Sturgis, so the transition was almost seamless. Harm was a little puzzled that she hadn't handed anything over to him. She had been avoiding him prior to Friday night so maybe she felt this was another way to have as little contact as possible. Their caseload was not as heavy as it had been, so no one was really overloaded.

Petty Officer Coates buzzed into the interim JAG's office. "Commander Rabb to see you, sir."

"Thank you, Petty Officer," Sturgis said. "Send him in."

Harm walked into the office to see Commander Sturgis Turner sitting behind the desk formerly occupied by Adm. AJ Chegwidden. It seemed to Harm that anyone besides Adm. Chegwidden sitting behind that desk looked small, and that included him. Sturgis nodded toward one of the chairs and instructed Harm to sit down.

"We've got a number of things to cover, Harm, so I'll just get right to it. About Mac, I'll be replacing her as chief of staff when the new JAG takes office. He is expected to be approved by the committee by mid- November. The process is just being dragged out so that senators on both sides of the aisle can get some grandstanding in before the election."

Harm smirked and shrugged his shoulders.

"Harm, I hope you know the decision about my taking over Mac's position as chief of staff was a surprise to me. I didn't know until this morning that that decision had been made before Adm. Chegwidden had officially left JAG."

"Sturgis, I'm fine with this. I don't have a problem at all. I expect to have a pretty full plate personally for the next 6 months, and I really have all I can handle now,"

Sturgis thought for a moment and said, "Harm, I know you're going to want to be there for Mac when she has her surgery next week. I think I can spare you the day of, but I won't be able to spare you for any extended leave until our two new attorneys have been on board for at least a month. Our total caseload will have a lot to do with that, too."

Harm's brow furrowed, and he looked at Sturgis. "I hadn't really thought about that yet. I don't expect to ask for any leave immediately. I guess Mac and I are taking this minute by minute. Thank you for considering letting me have the day of her surgery, though."

Sturgis was relieved. He had expected Harm to be more difficult. "Please give Mac my best wishes when you speak to her. I still feel at a loss where she is concerned. She never will be an easy person, will she?"

"Well, I've heard of an old saying that says that no one worth their salt ever is. Will that be all?"

"That will do it for now. How is your grandmother anyway?" Sturgis smiled at the memory of a woman who had made him feel so welcome in her home.

Harm chuckled as they both stood. "She's fine."

Chapter 10

Monday  
1300  
Rabb Farm

Mac and Mrs. Rabb cleared the kitchen table after lunch. It had been a pleasant morning. Mac slept late. Mrs. Rabb used the time to prepare a good breakfast and to retrieve a box of photographs she had been thinking about since Mac had expressed an interest in Harmon's family. It was hard to tell the story without putting faces on the people she was talking about. She thought of her family, of her mother and father gone so long ago. The Rabbs had literally saved her life and given her a home – a home she never dreamed she would have.

"Mac, while you were sleeping I thought I would try and find some things that might help tell you a little about our family. Why don't we sit down and get ourselves a cup of coffee and I'll get started?" Mrs. Rabb said as she took two mugs from her cupboard.

"That would be great. I really do want to know more and I didn't want to ask again. I would have felt like I was prying," Mac said.

They sat down and Mrs. Rabb opened the box. It was large, about 18 inches long and 5 inches deep. It had been covered with a pretty rose patterned cloth. Mrs. Rabb removed the lid to reveal a box divided in half. One half held letters: three bundles each tied together with a ribbon. The other half held pictures; there were small stacks and booklets in black and white and in color.

Mrs. Rabb reached for a booklet of photos. The cover was worn and appeared very old. She opened the first page of the booklet. The picture was of a man and a woman. The man and woman were of similar height. They were well dressed and a little girl stood in front of them. The couple had dour expressions on their faces, and on the child's face, there was such an expression of sadness that Mac could feel the pain. She looked at the picture for a moment and then said,

"Oh my, who is this poor little girl?"

Mrs. Rabb answered, "That was taken when I was 6 years old."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Mac blushed.

Mrs. Rabb laughed. "It's alright, honey. It was a sad time. That was taken two days after the stock market crashed. My father refused to believe that our family's financial situation was a bad as it was. He paid the man who took that picture and tipped him nearly twenty dollars. My mother was terrified of being poor. She was terrified of my father. By the time reality set in, my father had spent all he had saved. He sold insurance and held an administrative office in his company. His company went belly up as a lot of them did. So many people were without work. It may be hard to believe but some people in America starved to death during the depression..." Mrs. Rabb bowed her head and then looked up.

"You don't have to talk about this."

"No, I think it would help you to know, I had a very tough time when I was very young. I was not always so solid. After my father lost his job, he began to drink. My mother withdrew into herself and stopped speaking to either of us. She was a child of privilege. She saw everything she knew crumble right before her eyes. She had always had a nanny for me. She had to let her go when my father lost his job. She could not relate to me at all."

Mrs. Rabb sat quietly for a long moment and then said, "She hung herself."

Mac drew in a breath sharply. "The bank was foreclosing on our house. We were to vacate the next day. She could not do it. She did not know how to live in a world without the safety of money and privilege. I found her."

Mac said, "Oh, God, Sarah, how awful for you. You were just a child."

"I was eight years old. We stayed in our house for nearly two years after the crash. My father had some connections but they only took him so far. He only put off the inevitable. He was a dreamer of the worst kind. There are good dreamers, people who work to make their dreams come true. The bad dreamers don't do the work it takes to fulfill their dreams and blame everyone but themselves."

Mrs. Rabb turned the page in the booklet.

The picture was of Mrs. Rabb's father and of her standing together near what looked to be a pasture.

"I was twelve years old in that picture. It was taken just out on the edge of this property. My father was going out west to look for work and I was hired out to the Rabbs." Mrs. Rabb looked at the picture and said, "I never saw my father again after that day. I worked for my room and board. I knew my father would never come back. All I could think about was growing up so that I wouldn't have to depend on anyone else to take care of me."

"What happened between the time your mother died and when you came here?"

Mrs. Rabb drew a deep breath and said, "Well, my father and I moved to a flat just above a bar. He played cards, tended bar and drank up what little he made. I ate enough to keep me alive. I did not go to school." Mrs. Rabb looked at the picture of her and her father again. "The day he left me here was the best day of my life up to that point."

She turned the page to a picture of a very tall boy with thick, light colored hair. Something about him looked familiar to Mac but she could not say why. The boy was scowling. The girl who stood beside him was Sarah Rabb.

"This was the first picture David and I ever had taken together," Mrs. Rabb said as she chuckled under her breath. "We didn't like each other very much when we first met. I was 13 years old and he was 16. He had been away at school. I thought he was a brat and he thought I was a nag.

Mary and Andrew Rabb wanted the best for their son and they did everything they could to make it happen. Andrew was an electrician and worked for a coal mining company, and he and Mary ran this farm as well. David worked as much as he could while he was home during the summer."

She turned the next page to a picture of a very tall man standing behind a very petite woman with his hands on her shoulders. "Mary Rabb and her husband Andrew. The people who literally saved my life. I know if I had not come here I would never have survived. Andrew stood 6 feet 6 inches and Mary was only 4 feet 11 inches. They were a pair."

Mac stifled a yawn. "I'm so sorry, Sarah. I get tired so quickly lately."

Mrs. Rabb placed the picture booklet in the box and covered it. "You should go lie down, Mac. It's the perfect afternoon for a nap."

A soft rain was falling outside and the sky was overcast grey. Mac stood and placed her cup in the sink. She walked to the doorway going toward the stairs she stopped and turned to look at her. "Thanks for sharing this with me, Sarah. It can't have been easy for you to tell me."

"I was a glad to do it and you are right. It is not an easy story, but one that will help you get to know us better."

Mrs. Rabb followed Mac up the stairs and without thinking covered Mac as she lay down in the guest room. "Mac, don't worry so much about how much you're sleeping. You obviously need this rest. Take it." Mac smiled and thanked Mrs. Rabb as she left the room.

Mac lay awake a short while after Mrs. Rabb left the room. She thought of the faces of the people she saw the pictures. The dour faces of the parents of Sarah Rabb. The contentment and goodness that shone on the faces of Harm's great-grandparents. Sarah Rabb was one of the happiest people she had ever met but she had suffered terribly in her life. Mac felt that her life had been hard and even unfair but in the face of what Mrs. Rabb had just told her, she felt it paled in comparison. She shook her head turned to her side and went to sleep.

2130

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Harm stretched out on his bed and drew a deep breath Whew! What a day, he thought. He was glad it was over. Mattie had gone back to hers and Coates' place about a half an hour ago. His apartment was lights out and locked down. He was beat. He had to drive out to Annapolis in the morning to assist in the investigation of a sailboat mishap at the Academy. An Article 32 might be in order. He hadn't reached a conclusion yet. He needed to bounce some ideas off Mac and see what she had to say….but she wasn't here. He missed her and he wanted to talk to her and hear how her day went; he wanted to talk to her about his. Harm reached for his cell and called her on hers.

"Hey, sailor," Mac said as she answered her cell phone. "What are you doing?"

Suddenly Harm felt self-conscious. "Hey, I… well, I just wanted to give you a call and just …"

Mac chuckled. "Harm, it's okay. You don't have to have an excuse to call, you know."

"Yeah, I know." Harm was breaking out in a sweat.

"Sure you do," Mac laughed this time.

"Hey, stop giving me a hard time, Marine… I just wanted to talk to you and see how you're doing," 

"Well, I guess I'll cut you some slack since I really am glad to hear from you."

Mac told him about her day and about the pictures Mrs. Rabb had shown her. She told him how tired she had been and her concerns about how much sleep she seemed to need. Harm told her what Sturgis had told him about his taking over chief of staff duties and when he thought the new JAG would assume office. He talked about his concerns about his case at Annapolis.

Mac did what she always did. She gave him an honest opinion and put the ball firmly back in his court. "How's Mattie doing with her father on the weekends?"

"I think she's doing okay with him. I really think this may work out better than I thought for everyone. She is definitely transitioning back to her father, but it's a slow process. It's giving me time to adjust as well. I don't have to lose her all at once."

Mac's heart ached for him then. She was beginning to understand just how much Mattie meant to him. She was no project to Harm. He loved her like a daughter. They had both gained a great deal in the year they had known each other. She was proud of him and of Mattie and she told him so.

Harm was quiet for a moment, and then said, "Thanks, Mac."

"You're welcome,"

"Hey, I could get used to this," Harm said with a sly smile.

"Well, call me tomorrow night and well see what I can come up with. You're starting to sound tired too, Sailor,"

"I know I am, and don't take this wrong but ….I wish you were here." Harm blushed, though no one could see him.

Mac smiled and said, "Now, just how would you like me to take that, Harm?"

"Any way you want to, Mac. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," Mac shook her head as she closed her cell phone.

Chapter 11

Wednesday

1330

Jag HQ

Harm sat at his desk waiting for his 1330 appointment to arrive. He and Alicia Montes were to review their case coming to trial very shortly. They might have a case after all, but he might not be the one to bring it to retrial. He'd flown out to Fort Leavenworth to interview Seaman Wainwright and reviewed his case file. He was also expecting someone else that he thought would contribute a great deal in shedding light on this difficult case.

Petty Officer Coates stepped into his doorway, "Sir, there is an Alicia Montes on line 6 for you."

Harm looked up from his file, thanked the petty officer and answered the phone. "Rabb."

"Hello, Harm, I'm calling to let you know I'll be running a bit late. There were circumstances beyond my control. I'm at Dulles right now and with traffic I'll be lucky to be there by 3. I've got some new information that a couple of my students were able to dig up that may help with the case."

"That's alright and actually I have some things I need to discuss with you. I think we need all the help we can get to blow the cobwebs from this case. 1981 was a long time ago. If you want to be heard, all bases have to be covered."

"Great. See you at 3," Alicia said and she hung up.

Harm sat looking at Seaman Wainwright's psychological evaluation. He had a perfectly normal evaluation with the exception of one sentence at the end of the report. "Seaman Wainwright demonstrates mild control issues that may prove problematic should he not choose to address them." Harm shook his head and thought, 'One sentence in an otherwise normal evaluation cost this man over 20 years in Leavenworth.'

Harm turned his chair toward the window and leaned his head back. He thought about his and Mac's conversation on the phone last night. So many things had been said that needed saying. It had been hard, but in the end, as Mac had said about their conversations before, it felt as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. They were talking about control.

They'd both lay in their prospective beds and spoke of the details of their day. Mac had touched on the subject of her upcoming surgery and her feelings of helplessness about the situation. He had said, "Sometimes there is no way around a situation. You just have to go through it." Harm had tried to be reassuring. "There is always a way to get to the other side of a bad situation."

He heard Mac sigh and say, "I've always envied your control, Harm. There were times I almost hated you for it. And don't say If you lose control in my world then you die. I'm not talking about flying tomcats."

Harm was floored by what she had said and reacted almost too quickly. The words poured out before he had a chance to think about them.

"I wasn't talking about flying tomcats, Mac. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, so don't misunderstand, but who would put me back together if I fall apart? My friends?…they wouldn't even know me. My mom? I know she loves me but she is not a strong person. She never really knew what to do with me after Dad was MIA. Sometimes I think she gave me those letter tapes my dad sent her to get me out of her hair. She didn't know what to say to me. I think after she married Frank, she just gave up. I know Mom did the best that she could, but I know from experience that when you've had to live like that for a very long time it is a hard pattern to break."

Harm was quiet for a moment, and then said, "How much respect would you have for me if I lost control at the drop of a hat? I know you, Mac. I want your respect….I want a lot of things."

The phone line was again silent.

Harm said "Mac? …Are you still there?"

It was Mac's turn to be floored. "Yes I am, and no, Harm, I don't want you to fall apart. I just want to know how you feel about me. I have felt for a long time that you purposely held yourself away from me, as though I didn't quite measure up."

"What?" Harm sputtered.

"Let me finish. I know you may not have meant it that way but that was the way it seemed to me. I know I threw you a lot of mixed signals, Harm. I also know that I blamed you for a lot of things that weren't your fault. I've missed our friendship and the confidences we shared. I may not have known how you felt about me as a woman, but we knew each other better than anyone else. You didn't have to explain things to me most of the time. I just knew, I knew you….until Singer was murdered. Harm I still can't believe you shut me out completely."

Harm sighed. "I am really sorry for that, Mac. When I look back on it now, I think it was almost the stupidest thing I've ever done. I was trying to handle it all myself. I was trying to save the world single handed. I don't know who I think I am sometimes."

"I know who you are. You're a good man, who takes on too much at times. You are always there for me – Harm, I can't believe you're taking this on. It's hard to see the worry on your face and know I'm the cause…"

Harm cut in and said, "Please don't shut me out of this, Mac. This is not just obligation. I need to do this…I think I have to. You are not going through this alone."

Mac said, "I appre..I'm glad…you've got me afraid to say gratitude, Harm."

They both chuckled softly. "I understand what you're saying, though," Harm said as Mac yawned into the phone. "Hey, Tiger, sounds like you need to hit the rack."

Mac agreed. "I know, I know, but I'm so glad we're talking this through, Harm. It's exhausting, but after were done, I feel as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. We don't have to deal with all this hurt from the past anymore."

Harm said, "I know what you mean." Then he suddenly yawned and said, "I think I'm tired too. I better let you go for now."

Mac smiled mischievously and said, "Oh, Harm…don't do that."

"Goodnight, Mackenzie," he said. Mac said goodnight and hung up.

Harm was startled from his thoughts by a sharp rap on the door. He turned his chair and looked up to see Victor Galindez standing in the doorway of his office. He stood and offered him a chair, shaking his hand across the desk. "Gunny, it's great to see you," he said.

Victor Galindez smiled and said, "It's Victor now, sir. At least until I get this knee back in condition."

Harm looked puzzled. "I didn't even see you limping, Victor. What's going on with your knee?"

"Well, to put it plainly, sir, I got the hell shot out of it," Victor said. "The damage was so bad that I had to have knee replacement surgery."

Harm was amazed. "You appeared to have come through it with flying colors, although I don't think you will be able to go back to a combat billet."

Victor shrugged and said, "I just want to keep serving, sir. I might even get my self re-assigned here at JAG."

Harm laughed. "You can drop the sir, Victor, at least while you're working on this investigation."

Just then Alicia Montes walked up to Harm's office door. Harm said, "Alicia, please come in. I'd like you to meet Victor Galindez. He is an investigator that I wanted to bring onboard."

Victor and Alicia exchanged pleasantries, and they settled in Harm's office to organize their case and share information.

They had been working for about an hour and a half when Petty Officer Coates buzzed Harm on the intercom and said, "Cmdr. Rabb, Col. Mackenzie for you on 4."

Harm looked up and answered his phone. "Hey, what's up?" His face softened as he began to listen to his caller. The look on his face was not lost on either of his coworkers. Harm turned his chair to continue the conversation. Alicia heard Harm chuckle softly and his voice seemed to take on a quality she had never heard before.

"Of course not, I don't mind at all…any time. Hey I'm in the middle of something here…Yeah, I'll talk to you tonight. Bye."

Harm turned his chair around and replaced the phone on its receiver. He was still smiling and then he seemed to realize his coworkers were watching him. He smiled sheepishly. "I'm sorry for the interruption. Where were we?"

Alicia answered him and said, "This whole case reads like the lawyer who tried it cheated his way through law school."

"Who was it?" Victor asked.

"Commander Ted Lindsey," Harm answered, causing Victor to raise his eyebrows.

"Oh." Victor understood.

"Yeah, Oh. I didn't know who defense counsel was until I was reviewing the file in the last couple of days. I wonder that Wainright hasn't seen Lindsey there at Fort Leavenworth. We may really have a murder on our hands if their paths ever cross. I made a few phone calls, and in light of our history I think the case would be better served if I recused myself."

Alicia was stunned. "What are you talking about, Harm?"

"Alicia, I was accused of murder about a year and a half ago. To make a long story short, it turned out that the murderer framed me. The murderer was Commander Ted Lindsey."

1600

Same day

Rabb farm

Mac and Mrs. Rabb walked down the gravel drive. They were enjoying the day. It was a beautiful fall day. The trees continued to turn russet red with splashes of yellow. They were walking down to the mail box when Mac asked,

"Where is that special place Harm goes to when he wants to think something out?"

Mrs. Rabb smiled and said, "Let me get the mail and I'll show you." After Mrs. Rabb got the mail she and Mac followed the creek to Harm's rock and sat down. They didn't climb up on it. They sat on the smaller stones near the water.

"So, Harm spent a lot of time here when he was younger?" Mac asked.

"Yes he did, especially the year Trish married his stepfather and also the year he had his accident." Sarah Rabb sighed and shook her head. "Poor Harm, he came and spent the summer with me when Trish and Frank were married. Sometimes I think that he had never completely forgiven her for moving on with her life. Poor Patricia, she tried but she was just not a strong person. I know she loved my son and there was a great deal of comfort in that. I know she loves Harm but she just doesn't know what to do with him half of the time."

Mac smiled her half smile and said, "What do you do with him?"

Mrs. Rabb laughed heartily and asked, "Don't you know, Mac?" She began to laugh with her and they rose and started back toward the house. Mac thought 'Well, now I know where Harm learned to be cryptic.'

They were nearly to the house when Mac asked, "Did you ever meet Diane, Sarah?"

Mrs. Rabb nodded the affirmative. "You and she bear a remarkable likeness. At least, I thought you did at first. The longer that you are here, though, the less I see the similarities."

Mac raised her eyebrows and said, "Harm has said exactly the same thing."

They entered the house and settled in the living room. Mac sat on the end of the couch and stretched her legs out after removing her shoes. Mrs. Rabb sat by the fireplace in the overstuffed chair.

"Diane was a very nice young woman. It was obvious she cared for Harmon a great deal. She came to visit while he was recovering from his ramp strike. She only stayed 2 days. She seemed to be almost afraid of him. He was so broken by what had happened that he was not his usual confident self. I don't think she knew what to do about that. When she left Harmon was even more despondent. I was really starting to get concerned. I was just about to call a doctor when Harm seemed to gradually come out of it. He went down to his place to do some thinking, and after he came back he seemed to have a goal in mind. He asked me if he could restore "Sarah". I think that decision probably saved his life. He has what his great grandfather Rabb called gumption." Mrs. Rabb chuckled to herself.

"Sarah, I would love to hear more about your early life here and about Harm's great grandparents. I know it was tough to talk about, but I just felt I knew and understood Harm so much better after hearing about them."

'I would be happy to, Mac. I would like you to think about something for a while, though. I know your surgery is coming up next week and you won't know what your options are until after. I was hoping that you would consider letting me help you after your surgery."

"Mrs. Ra..I mean, Sarah, I couldn't ask."

"You're not asking, I'm offering. I want to help and you're going to need it. I think this farm has done you a world of good and I think you know it. Just consider it and we'll talk about it in the morning. Okay?'

Mac nodded and said "Okay."

Chapter 12

2030

Wednesday

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Mattie and Harm put away the Scrabble game from the table. It was game night. Mattie once again made up words as she went. Harm pretended to be exasperated but it he enjoyed sparring with her. It was a game they played within the game.

"Have you heard anything about how you did on your paper that you turned in Monday?" Harm asked.

Mattie turned toward Harm and shrugged. "No, not yet. I really don't expect to hear anything until Friday or maybe even Monday."

"Well, I hope you did well, you certainly worked hard enough on it." Mattie blushed a little bit, and Harm said, "You should be proud of yourself, kiddo. You've come a long way since last year."

Mattie smiled and looked at Harm squarely in the eye. "Thanks. I think I'm doing pretty well too."

"I need to talk to you about something, Mats. Come on over to the couch and sit down."

Mattie thought oh wow, I don't like the sound of this. "Mattie, you know that Mac is staying in Belleville with my grandmother." Mattie nodded the affirmative. "What you don't know is that she has been very ill for some time. She is having surgery this coming Tuesday at Bethesda. She has a tumor that has to be removed. They know it is cancer but they do not know if it has spread. They won't know until after the surgery. She will require radiation at the very least and possibly chemo therapy."

Harm waited to give Mattie time to absorb what he said. "I knew something was wrong but I didn't realize how serious it was. She must be so scared."

Harm nodded. "She's holding her own pretty well. I think it has helped to be away and to be with my grandmother. She has a way with people when they're hurting. The reason I'm telling you all of this is that I will be spending as much time as I can with her. I don't want you to feel that I don't want you or that I'm ignoring you."

Mattie thought for a moment. "I think I understand Harm. I'm glad you can be there for her now. She doesn't really have anybody, does she?"

"She's got me." Harm smiled and blushed a little bit.

"Have you told her yet?" she asked.

Harm stood and walked back to the kitchen. "We're getting closer, Mattie, but no, not yet."

"I'll never understand you two," Mattie said.

"Don't worry about us, kiddo. We're going to be alright. I also want to be sure you understand something. Mattie, I always want you in my life. I'm really glad you and your father are reconciling, but I hope you don't think you have to choose between us. I'd like to think that I will continue to have some sort of role in your life."

"Harm, I'm not going to shut you out of my life. I'm not sure what is going to happen with my dad. I just want to keep living my life, going to school and being with people I care about. I'm not in any hurry to change anything, and to be honest, I don't think my Dad is either."

Harm was so relieved that he sat down, drawing a deep breath and blowing it out slowly. "Thanks, Mattie. You're getting pretty wise in your old age."

"Thanks a lot, Harm. I'll take that as a compliment," Mattie said and with that bade Harm goodnight and headed back to her apartment.

Harm turned the all the lights out in the apartment but his bedside lamp. It was time to give Mac a call. He had been looking forward to it all day. He remembered her phone call at work today. It had been so good to hear her voice. After thinking about it, he wondered if Mac had just called to talk with him for a moment. The call could probably have waited. She had wanted to know if she could invite Chloe out to the farm the next time they went out there. It didn't really matter, although it gave him a bit of a thrill knowing she just wanted to talk to him today and couldn't wait until tonight. It had been quite a day.

Alicia had been more than surprised that he had removed himself from the Wainwright case. He felt he had made the right decision. If he were to be honest, he was relieved to be handing the case off to one of the new JAG attorneys starting on Monday. He and Alicia had a couple of working dinners and he knew she was interested in more than that. She was a beautiful woman. He had told her, in general terms, about there being someone in his life but had given no detail. It was just as well. Lt. Commander Faith Coleman would be assisting with the case. He smiled and thought, 'Well, I hope she's still speaking to me after their initial meeting.' He shook his head and decided to get a shower and hit the rack. He liked talking with Mac just before he fell asleep. He had a lot to tell her tonight.

He had talked with Jack Keeter today. He had called out of the blue and could not have called at a better time. Harm had told him what was going on with Mac and JAG in general. Jack had offered him the use of his cabin on the Eastern Shore of Maryland.

"Maybe you two could use some time alone," Jack had said. "There is no time like the present, Harm, and you've been in love with her almost from the first time you saw her. How much longer are you going to wait to tell her?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I'll ask her about the weekend when I talk to her tonight, and if she'll agrees, I'll take you up on that offer."

Jack and Harm discussed directions and how Harm would get the key. They made plans to get together when Jack got back to D.C. Before Jack hung up, Harm said, "Jack, thanks for offering us the cabin. I really appreciate it."

"Think nothing of it, Rabb. I'll see that I'm repaid later," Jack said laughingly. 

Harm leaned back on his pillows and sighed. 'Well, here goes nothing,' he thought. He picked up his cell phone and called Mac.

Mac answered on the first ring. Not bad, Harm thought with raised brows. "Hey," Mac said.

"Hey, yourself. What have you been up to today?"

"Well, your grandmother and I walked out to the mailbox. We walked along the creek at the edge of the property and did a lot of talking. I caught up on my reading and believe it or not I only took one nap,"

"That sounds good. I had a very busy day but I saved the best for last."

"Oh, is that right?" Mac smiled and settled back on her pillows.

Harm heard the springs on the old wrought iron bed squeak and asked, "Are you in bed, Marine?"

"Yeah, I like talking to you just before I go to sleep," Mac confessed.

Harm was quiet for a moment and then said, "Mac, I have a question for you. How would you like to go to the Eastern Shore this weekend? Do you think you feel up to going down there for a couple of days?"

Mac was pleasantly surprised. "Wow, how did you manage a cabin on the Eastern Shore?"

"Jack called me today. I hope you don't mind but I told him about what was going on with you in general terms. He offered the cabin to give us a chance to get away for awhile…alone."

Silence on the line.

"Mac?"

"I'm here. I'm just thinking. I like the idea, Harm, but just now I realized that I have to leave this place. I really think I dread it."

"Mac, you know you're welcome there anytime. I don't have to ask my grandmother to know that you two have gotten to be pretty good friends,"

"I know, she asked me today if she could help take care of me after I have my surgery….Harm, I've never met anyone quite like her. I feel totally selfish but I am seriously considering it. This time has been so good for me….. I've decided just now that I'm going to do it."

"Mac, I am so glad. I've been so worried about your being alone in your apartment while you're trying to recover. We'll work out the details over the weekend. Speaking of the weekend, what do you say?"

Mac said she would go to Maryland with him and they talked some of the sights they'd like to see while they were there. In all the time Mac had been in Washington she had never taken the time to explore much outside of the Beltway.

Harm told her about Alicia and about Commander Lindsey's role in it. Mac laughed and said, "He just keeps rearing his ugly head, doesn't he?"

"Yeah, tell me about it."

"Oh, Harm, that was insensitive of me. I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's okay. Ted Lindsey is the least of my worries now."

"Harm, can I ask you a question? You can tell me it's none of my business and I won't be upset. …Why didn't you answer any of my messages while you were away with the CIA? I've always wondered if you even listened to them. I'm not angry and I promise that I'm not trying to start a fight with you. I just want to know."

Harm glanced at his closet and saw the card board box that held his old answering machine. He was quiet for a moment. "That was a really bad time, Mac."

"I know," Mac said.

Silence…"I didn't listen to them until after you brought me the Imes cases to review. I hope you understand from our previous conversations how painful it was."

"I think I do."

"I thought I would give it a chance after you left. I listened to the first one and I heard what I thought was Webb's voice in the background and I …ah, threw the machine against the wall," Harm said.

It was Mac's turn to be silent. Then she said, "Oh……I… Harm, I never called you when I was with Webb. I'm sorry and I'm sorry that I brought it up."

"It's alright, Mac. I would have wanted to know too."

They talked a while longer about their day. Harm told her about his conversation with Mattie. He left out the "Have you told her yet?' part.

Maybe he would be able to answer that question after this weekend.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Will You Always Be There?

Chapters 13 through 16

Disclaimers as previously stated.

Chapter 13

1200  
Thursday  
Rabb farm

Mac and Mrs. Rabb sat on her front porch, resting. They had taken what had become a daily walk out the mailbox and then finished clearing her smaller flower beds near the house. It was not heavy work, and it made Mac feel good to do something productive for a change. It was a nice day. The sun seemed to make the trees look as though they were on fire all reds and yellow. They sat with huge cups of coffee, rocking in chairs that sat on each side of the glider on the porch. They were both deep in thought when Mrs. Rabb spoke. "I think a good cup of coffee is one of my favorite things in the world."

Mac said, "I started drinking coffee when I had to cram for exams in college. I've been hooked ever since."

"My David got me started drinking it years ago." She smiled and shook her head.

"Tell me about him, Sarah. Do you still miss him?"

"Yes, I do. You would think I wouldn't but I do. It seems the older I get, the more my heart turns back toward him. He was my heart." Mac placed her coffee cup on the small table beside her and sat back into her chair to listen. Mrs. Rabb began.

"As I told you before, we did not get on very well in the beginning. We seemed to get on each other's nerves every time we spoke. He was the happiest person I had ever met and he got along with everyone….except me. He was handsome and confident and he didn't think there was anything he couldn't do. What made me so mad sometimes is that it was true. I almost hated him for that."

Mac smiled to herself knowingly and Mrs. Rabb continued.

"He was what I think you call "cocky" and arrogant at times. It made me so angry that the qualities that I told myself I hated in him drew me to him…..like a moth to a flame. Just being with him, being part of anything he was doing, made me feel stronger too."

She laughed. "Even when he and I were at odds, which in the beginning was most of the time. It's funny; I can't even remember what we fought about most of the time. I was this tall, gangly awkward girl with a huge chip on my shoulder. He was handsome, charming and most of the time happy as a lark. He told me later on that he only teased me to get me to talk to him. The thing was when I finally started opening up and talking to him he clammed up and would hardly speak to me."

Mac pulled her coat a little closer, and Mrs. Rabb noticed. "Are you warm enough, honey?"

Mac said "I'm okay; I don't want to go inside until I have to."

Mrs. Rabb rose and said, "Well, I'll warm up our coffee and get something for your legs."

"What about you?" Mac asked.

Mrs. Rabb laughed, "Oh, Mac, I haven't been cold since hot flashes." They both laughed then. They settled back into their chairs after Mrs. Rabb had done as she said.

"As I said before, David clammed up and I couldn't figure out what I had done. It happened during my 16th summer. I went from 110 pounds at 5 feet 10 to 150 pounds in just a couple of months. I was so embarrassed. Men are so stupid when it comes to a woman with any…well, you know, I was pretty top heavy." Mrs. Rabb blushed and shivered a bit. "Oh, it was awful. Men either thought you were hot to trot or that you were temptation incarnate. They couldn't get away from you fast enough." Mrs. Rabb chuckled and continued.

"David came home that summer and I watched him walking up the path to the house. He looked as though he was going to come in and start his usual long tall sally jokes. I was standing at the sink and he walked into the kitchen. I turned to look at him and his mouth just dropped open. The look on his face was priceless. I thought 'Ha! Now I've made David Rabb speechless.' It was a red letter day. I thought it was, anyway, but then he wouldn't talk to me at all. I'd catch him looking at me, but when I would start to come toward him, he would look down and say he had to do something or other. I was just crushed and that really surprised me. I found that I missed our teasing each other. He kept his distance for the rest of the summer."

Mac's expression turned questioning Mrs. Rabb said, "Oh, we overcame all that. We had all gone into town – Belleville was still a town then – for the Labor Day celebration they had every year. I lagged behind the rest of the group, looking in the store windows and generally feeling sorry for myself. I was busy ignoring David who was ignoring me. Out of nowhere a couple of boys from town cut me off and cornered me in the doorway of a storefront. They were obnoxious, stupid boys. I thought I could handle them when one of them got a little too friendly. I pushed back at him and told him to stop. David, who was walking in front of his parents, just happened to glance over his shoulder and see what had happened. David was after those boys before they had time to blink." She laughed as she remembered. "Mr. Rabb was not far behind them. Can you imagine those boys? They were running for their lives with two huge Rabbs on their tail."

She clapped her hands and laughed heartily. "Harmon is like his grandfather in that way. He has the Rabb stature. Tall and broad shouldered. Sometimes when Harmon comes up that walk and I see him in shadow, it nearly takes my breath away. I still miss my David so….Well, anyway, I was mortified and crying and furious with myself for crying in front of everyone. I didn't laugh much in those days and I certainly didn't cry ever in front of anyone. David and I became better friends after that, though, and it wasn't long before we became something more."

Mac shivered and Mrs. Rabb noticed. "We better get you inside. Harmon would never forgive me if I let you catch a cold."

Mac stood and followed Mrs. Rabb into the house and asked, "Sarah, do you believe love lasts forever?"

Mrs. Rabb looked over her shoulder at her and asked, "Don't you, Mac?" Then she walked on into the house with Mac, smiling her half smile, following.

1300  
Thursday  
Harm's Apartment

Harm picked up the phone and made the call he looked forward to all morning.

"Hey, you," Mac said as she answered the phone.

"Hey, how are you doing today?" Harm asked.

"Pretty well, actually. I helped your grandmother get some things done outside and we sat for awhile on her front porch," she said.

"Sounds nice. Wish I were there. Hey, you haven't changed your mind about this weekend, have you, Mac?"

"No, of course not. Although I have to admit I'm a little nervous…I mean, Harm, I don't want to disappoint you in any way. I feel like a broken vessel. You know?"

"Mac, I don't see you that way at all and I don't expect anything but your company this weekend. This week has taken forever to get through. I just want to get back out there to you and forget about everything for a while."

Harm heard her let a quiet sigh. "Thanks Harm and I'm looking forward to this weekend, too."

She yawned suddenly and Harm said, "Look, I'm not going to keep you but I do want to tell you that I'm a little anxious too, Mac. I've never been this much in love before….I'll see you later… Sweet dreams."

Mac was stunned and she started to dial his number back. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. She stretched out on her bed and a slow smile spread across her face. -He would be here soon. The moment was so sweet that she decided to leave it as it was. She would talk with him later.

Harm replaced the phone in the receiver. He smiled a smug smile. 'Sleep on THAT, Mackenzie.'

Chapter 14

Thursday

1830

Interstate 76 west

Harm drove along the highway, eagerly anticipating getting back to Belleville. The day had seemed to crawl by, but it was over now and he was on his way. Mattie was squared away with her dad. He was all set for the new attorneys coming onboard Monday. Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman and Major Mike McBurney. He had spoken with McBurney on the phone earlier that day. " I hope there aren't any hard feelings about last year, Commander Rabb," the major had said. He had reassured him that there were none. He chuckled when he thought, 'God, what are we going to do with another Marine?'

Harm had put on his favorite CD "The Essential Stevie Ray Vaughan". Disc 2 was his favorite…It was great driving music. He was almost there when "Without You" began to play. He loved that song. It was beautiful and heartbreaking and he loved the guitar solo. For some reason it always made him think of Mac. The music seemed to cast a spell, weaving around his mind, making him ache to hold her that much more.

He finally pulled up his grandmother's drive and noticed that the house was dark and his grandmother's jeep was gone. Harm thought, 'Oh God, Mac, please be there.' He walked up the steps and noticed a soft glow from the fireplace through the window. He unlocked the door and stepped in. He looked to his left and saw Mac standing in the kitchen doorway. The only lights in the room were the fire in the fireplace. She wore lounging pajamas in a soft shade of peach. Her hair was down around her shoulders and he thought he had never seen anything so beautiful in his life.

She looked at him and Harm walked swiftly but quietly to her and gathered her into an embrace. She lifted her arms loosely around his neck. Mac's shirt had come up in back as she held him and Harm could feel her skin was almost hot. "Your skin feels hot, are you feeling okay?"

Mac leaned back and looked him in the eye. "Yeah, I guess I got a little too close to the fire." With that she ran the tips of her fingers through his hair just above his ear and he turned toward her hand.

He looked at her through half closed eyes and said, "Mac …" and then he kissed her. He kissed her deeply and Mac held on very lightly. She simply drew him in, loving him, tasting him and letting him all the way in to her heart. Unafraid.

Harm walked her backward into the dark kitchen and tightened his hold on her. She brought her hands down and back up again around his waist and up his back. She hadn't meant to, but since Harm's shirt was loose and untucked, she ran her hand up his bare back.

Harm could not suppress the sound of pleasure as he pressed her against the wall. She felt so perfect in his arms and she tasted so good. She smelled of vanilla and brown sugar. They broke the kiss, but Harm kept her close and whispered in her ear. "You smell like something good to eat."

Mac looked down and then up at him. "It's called "Warm Vanilla Brown Sugar."

"Mmmm… Cookies." He growled into her ear and they both laughed. Just then they heard his grandmother's jeep pull into the drive. They heard his grandmother's voice and Oscar barking a greeting. Mac pulled back from his embrace and smiled. Harm caressed her face lovingly and said, "God, you are so beautiful when you smile."

The front door opened and Mrs. Rabb stepped in, noticing the fireplace, the lights out and their loose embrace. "Oops. Shall I go back out again?" Mrs. Rabb said with a smile.

"Get in here." Harm said and they all laughed. Mac turned on the kitchen light and walked into the kitchen.

1130  
Interstate 70 east  
Somewhere in Maryland

They had stopped in a little 'mom and pop' restaurant off the interstate for lunch. They had started out early, and Mac was getting a little sore from the ride. They where seated in a booth and had been served their iced tea when Mac noticed the sugar substitute wasn't Sweet and Low. It said Sweet Thing on the packet. Mac thought 'Hmm..I wonder if he remembers.'

Mac asked Harm to get her a newspaper from the front counter. She slipped a packet down beside Harm's tea and got up, pretending to walk toward the ladies room. She passed Harm on the way and he smiled at her.

"Be right back," she said. Mac stepped around a corner and peeked out just in time to see Harm pick up the packet. He frowned, thinking, 'Mac knows I don't use this junk.' He then read the name and a slow smile spread across his face. He began to look up as Mac came from around the corner and casually walked over to the juke box.

A title jumped out at her: "Sweet Thing" by Chaka Khan. 'Oh this is too perfect.' She put some coins in the machine and pressed the buttons. Mac could barely contain her laughter. She made her way back to the booth, looking down. Eye contact would have caused her to laugh out loud. She sat down and placed her purse beside her. Harm watched her warily. She faced him, grinning like a Cheshire cat. Just then the words from the song: "oh oh you're my sweet thing…don't you know you mean everything." Harm got it and narrowed his eyes at her.

"So, um, Harm, you never told me what it was that I ought to know. What was that you called me…sweet thing?"

They looked at each other and broke up laughing. Harm said, "You really think you're funny, don't you?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I do," she answered, Cheshire grin firmly in place.

Harm was up and sliding across her side of the booth before she had a chance to protest. He cornered her in, reaching to grab her around her waist but not quite succeeding. Just then a grumpy looking couple passed their booth. "Hmpf!" they both said.

"Hey, you're going to get us kicked out of here," Mac smiled as she scolded. The couple looked over at them before they walked out of the door and the woman said, "Get a room." They both laughed that much harder.

"Ok, ok, feed me sailor. I'm hungry." So they had their lunch, but Harm stayed on her side of the booth. He said it was to keep an eye on her in case she decided to pull any other stunts. As they walked back toward Harm's SUV, Mac asked again, very mischievously. "So… Harm, are you ever going to tell me what it is I ought to know?"

Harm smiled at her and opened her door. "I'll let you know… later."

Chapter 15

Tilghman Island, Maryland

1820

Friday

It was late in the afternoon when they arrived on the island. The day was clear and cool and the colors sharp. They stopped to pick up some supplies for the cabin and got to Keeter's cabin at dusk. Mac was tired from the drive and relieved to finally be out of the car. The cabin was situated near Black Walnut Point, a wildlife preserve, at the southern tip of the island. Sunset was beautiful from the front porch. Mac stretched and walked to the edge of the porch to take it all in. It had been a quiet drive since they had stopped at the restaurant, though it was a companionable silence.

Harm walked up beside her and placed his hand in the middle of her back. "Do you want something to drink?"

Mac was startled and jumped slightly away from him. "Oh, I'm sorry, Harm. I was just deep in thought." She was a little more nervous than she thought. She hoped Harm would not sense it and that he wouldn't be hurt by it.

Harm pulled her into his arms, and as though he had heard her thoughts. "You don't have to be afraid of me, Mac. Remember that I don't want anything from you but your company."

Mac relaxed into his embrace, "I thought I was the one with the psychic abilities."

"Well, maybe it's rubbing off on me. Come on, I'll give you a tour of our spacious accommodations."

The cabin was rustic but had all the necessities. Refrigerator, stove, no dishwasher, huge claw foot tub but no shower. No TV, of course, but neither would miss it. There was firewood stacked on the porch for a fireplace in the small cozy living room. There was a large window there that seemed to bring the outside in. It was lovely and Mac told Harm so.

"I had forgotten what this place was like. It's been a long time since I was here," Harm said.

"When did you come out here before?"

"I came out after we got back from Russia the first time. I still had a lot to work through." Harm started to unload groceries from the bags he had set upon the table.

"You should have told me, Harm. I would have been there for you."

"You had already done enough. You risked your life for me. I couldn't ask for more than you had already done." Harm thought for a moment, "I couldn't risk falling apart in front of you or the rest of our friends. Do you understand?"

Mac looked at him with an understanding that surprised him. "I wouldn't have then, but I think I do now."

They put away their groceries. Harm offered to make dinner but Mac declined a big meal. She was tired, almost too tired to eat. Harm furrowed his brow,

"Mac, you're beginning to worry me a bit. I'm not used to hearing you turn down a meal." He smiled mischievously and added, "especially a meal cooked by me."

"Don't worry, Harm I'm just beat. I know my appetite isn't what it was. I think it will start coming back once the surgery is over." She walked up beside him and nudged his side. "Thanks for worrying about me, though."

Harm talked Mac into a bowl of soup and a sandwich. After they ate Mac wanted to lie down. It was only about 2000, but she was tired. Harm told her not to worry about it and started to go back toward the kitchen.

Mac reached for his arm and stopped him. "Come lie down with me for a while and talk to me till I fall asleep. I'm used to it now, remember?"

Harm smiled and said, "Yes, I remember. I'm getting used to our nightly talks too. I look forward to them, as a matter of fact."

"I'll be right back," Mac walked toward the bathroom. Harm stood watching her walk away and thought I can do this. I can do this. He had wanted so long to feel close to her, to gain her trust. He would do nothing to destroy that now. It meant everything to him. He loved her. He needed her as well but that would have to wait until she was ready, physically and otherwise.

They had settled into the bed. Mac climbed under the covers in a long v-neck t-shirt she had stolen from Harm and running shorts. Harm was lying on top of the covers in his running shorts and t-shirt. "You don't have to go to bed just because I am. I probably won't last long once we start talking," Mac said.

"Thanks a lot, Mac." Harm laughed.

"That's not what I meant,"

"It's okay," he reassured her. "I didn't want to show up overdressed." They both laughed with that and the tension level dropped considerably.

Mac rolled to her stomach and Harm came up on his side. Mac could look him directly in the eye with his body slightly curved around hers. She looked at him, "This is so perfect, Harm. I'm afraid something is going to go wrong. This is like the Make a Wish Foundation sending someone to Disneyworld."

Harm interrupted her "Stop it, Mac. You're going to be fine. Don't say things like that."

Mac looked down and then back up at Harm. "I've just gotten used to saying whatever is on my mind. I don't even think about it first. I wasn't trying to scare you."

"No, I'm sorry. I just want this to work…. for you to be well. I honestly don't allow myself to think about it when were together like this." He didn't want to say or do anything that would keep her from telling him what was in her heart.

"What do you think about?"

Harm looked away, "Oh…. I think about you." He looked at her then and brushed her hair back from her face. "I think about us." He looked at her as though he were taking her all in, her hair, her eyes and her lips. Then he said, "About how beautiful you are." He kissed her lightly and pulled her into his arms and murmured into her hair. "I think of how much I love you." He still could not tell her face to face, not yet.

Mac's heart was so full that it ached and she felt so unworthy of him. He deserved better. She ran her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. "Oh, Harm, I don't think love is even an adequate word for what I feel for you. I have been such a mess and I still am. I don't want to bring this on you. You don't deserve it. I want to be whole. I want to give you everything you deserve, everything that makes you happy. What if I can't give you children, Harm? What would you feel for me then? I want your children…"

Harm stopped her. "I want that too, but you need to remember that's not what I want you for. I'll have kids with you any way I can. I know I could be happy. I couldn't love Mattie more if she were my own."

Mac looked so sad. "I don't want you to settle, Harm. You deserve the best of everything."

Harm was getting frustrated, she wasn't hearing him. "Why don't you get that it's you, Mac? It's been you all the time…since almost the beginning. You. Your opinion meant the most to me, even when it made so angry I could have put my fist through a wall. I can't stand to see you sell yourself short. You are so much more to me than you believe."

Mac looked down at her hands and then looked at Harm with a sad longing he had never seen before. "I don't want to disappoint you. I don't think I could stand it,"

"It's not about being perfect, Mac – although you do come pretty close to it at times – and this is not about what you can give me. I want to love you, Mac. Let me…that's all I want."

She started to speak and he stopped her.

"Let me finish this. I don't want to make this complicated. You said once that I make simple things complicated and the way I see it, that's what you're doing now. I know you care for me, that you need me." He cupped her face in his hand. "I want to be here, close to you. I need you Mac….so much. I..." He kissed her. A kiss so sweet, so full of love and need; it spoke volumes, all the things they could not.

Harm could not get enough of the taste of her. He had loved her for so long. He had thought that this time would never come. He didn't care how far things went tonight. She was here, in his arms, and nothing and no one could change that. She pulled back from his kisses for a moment.

"Harm, I want to feel you close to me." He started to pull the blankets back and get in with her but she stopped him. "I want to feel your skin," she said as she tugged at his t-shirt.

Harm was surprised but cautious. He tried not to read too much into anything. He didn't want to pressure her. He was truly afraid of hurting her, but he was not giving up the chance to show her how much he loved and wanted her. It was as though they didn't have time for what drove them apart before. He lifted his shirt over his head and looked up to see that she had done the same. "Oh God… Mac," he said. Harm slipped into bed and lay on his back, waiting.

Mac thought he was the most beautiful man she had ever seen. She lay down next to him and slipped into his arms. He wanted her that was certain. He lay back on the pillows with just enough light in the room for her to see him clearly. The look in his eyes was one she had seen before. Something dark and patient and tender waited for her there. She had seen the look when they were talking on the patio at the admiral's Dining Out. It had drawn her in even then; through all her grief and confusion, there he was. His body felt strong and powerful under her hands and he seemed to be completely at her mercy. In the early days she would have loved to have had him this way just to mess with him, but now….all she wanted to do was love him.

She rested on her side and lightly touched his stomach. Harms breath quickened and he reached for her arm. Mac couldn't tell if it was to stop her or hold her hand in place. She kissed him and he let go of her and then gripped each of her arms, pulling her on top of him. Mac kissed him, feeling a fine tremor rush through them both and all the power in Harms body restrained. They touched and caressed and there was no awkwardness. It was as though they were old lovers but everything was new. Mac felt a nagging fear at the back of her mind. What if her body would not respond as it should – what if she disappointed him?

Harm sensed this and slowly, lovingly dispelled every fear she had. Their coupling was slow and careful. Mac knew Harm was holding back and she loved him all the more for it. This only increased her desire to please him; it equaled and surpassed her need to be pleased. He seemed to have other ideas. Harm placed his hands on her hips, gently but firmly holding her fast to him, driving deeply inside her. 'Oh' she thought, as he slowly and sensually drew her out. She thought she would not be able to feel this. She hadn't for a long time…. even before she became ill.

She felt her body tighten around him, she was so close. Her breath caught, "Ha…Harm" When he felt her begin to let go he could not keep himself from driving deeper, her body seemed to be made for him. Mac's back arched and she said, "Oh…please…I… I didn't think I could…Oh…. " and with that Harm felt her warmth flood all over him and he went over the edge with her.

Mac leaned forward and covered his face with kisses and stayed locked in his embrace for a long time. She felt all the love she had for him well up inside her. She could not keep it in anymore. She sat up, still astride him. She tilted her head back slightly and tears streaked down both sides of her face. She said, "Harm, I…."

Harm heard the tears in her voice, "Mac… did I hurt you?"

She answered, "No, no, I….I have to say this. I don't know what will happen to me. I don't know what will happen to us….but I have to tell you. I love you. I don't know why it is so hard for me. It's been you for so long too, Harm. I know I must not be making sense to you. I'm just scared, scared of what the surgery will reveal, scared of what will happen to us...before we even get a chance to get started."

Harm pulled her close and rolled them both onto their sides; she came back into his embrace. He lay on his back and made soft circles on hers with fingers. He thought for a long moment and said, "Mac, do you trust me?"

"Yes, I do," she said.

"Then no matter what happens, I'll always be there."

She snuggled more tightly into his embrace and they were quiet for a few moments. Harm thought Mac had fallen asleep when she asked,

"Harm, do you remember when I said that I sometimes resented you for your ability to control yourself?"

Harm answered in the affirmative.

"Well……I take it back."

They both chuckled at that and Harm fell asleep with a smug and very satisfied smile on his face.

Chapter 160100

Saturday

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Sarah Rabb lay wide awake. The house seemed unusually quiet. It seemed odd not to have Mac here with her. She had always been an independent woman. She enjoyed her privacy and she liked her own company. She was glad to have her house to herself for a few days, but she had really enjoyed having Mac here. Something about her reminded her of herself. Mac and Harm were in love; there was no doubt in her mind. Her thoughts turned to her David. Their relationship had been fiery and passionate. She had come into it troubled and trusting no one. There was David: steady, true and happy go lucky. She missed him still. She decided to get up, since she had lain awake for almost an hour and a half.

Mrs. Rabb walked into the kitchen and put on some coffee. Decaf, of course. Harmon would be pleased. She had been experiencing some heart palpitations last year and the doctor advised that she cut back on caffeine. She finally had gotten used to it, though she still had her morning caffeinated coffee. She'd stopped drinking a pot a day by herself. She decided to get the box of letters and pictures she had brought out for Mac. She wanted to see David's face. It had been a long time since she'd read his letters. Telling Mac her story about how she had come to the Rabb farm and begun her life with David made her want to look back more than she had in a long time.

She opened the box and lifted out the stack of pictures, one of David in uniform on top of the stack. He was handsome and his features so strong. He had green eyes and his hair was a golden brown. His cap was tilted slightly on his head. He looked like a movie star. "Wait for me," he had written and signed, "Love Always, David."

She raised her eyebrows and sighed. She thought, 'Oh my darling David, I always have.' She'd never married again after she lost him. She did see someone for awhile. After Harmon Senior was grown she and Jack O'Reilly had a standing date every Friday night for years. He had become widower by then. Poor Jack, he was a good man. He just was not her David. She just couldn't trust anyone else enough to marry. She was Sarah Rabb, and David and his parents had left her more than well provided for. She did not live a life of luxury; running the farm was hard work and she had her work at the VA hospital. To marry someone else and bring him into her home seemed a betrayal, and if she were honest, she just didn't want to give up her independence to anyone.

She thought of little Harmon then. He had been so angry at his mother when she re-married. It was not fair. Harmon had written from Vietnam and been adamant that if anything happened to him he wanted Trish to get on with her life and for little Harm to have a father. She took the letter he had written just two months before he was listed as missing out of the stack. He had written, "Mom, please don't take this the wrong way. I respect the choices you made. I know I had Grandpa Andrew the first 16 years of my life, but Harm won't have that. Trish's father hasn't forgiven me for marrying her yet, so who knows how he and little Harm will get along. I don't want little Harm to want for anything. You may not believe this but Trish is as strong as you are, Mom. I love her and I know she loves me. I know she'll be a good mother to Harm and she'll make good decisions for both of them. I trust her, Mom. I hope you will too." Mrs. Rabb ran her fingers over the written words. He had been right, she thought.

She stood and walked over to the coffee pot. She was still deep in thought about her grandson. She returned to the table and noticed a picture not in any stack. It was of Sergei. He was her grandson too, but circumstance had taken away her chance to know him as she did Harm. He had his grandfather's hair color and his father's smile. He was a good boy, so polite almost to the point of discomfort when they met. She'd tried to put him at ease, but he really felt like a fish out of water here. Harmon was so determined that he would stay here and be his brother. She was heartbroken for them both when he returned to Russia. He had sent her this picture along with one of his fiancée over a year ago. She wondered if they had married. She had not heard anything in a long time. She sighed and walked into her living room. The lights were out and she could see outside. She truly loved this place. It was her connection to David. She turned and walked up the stairs thinking of her two grandsons.

0600

Saturday

Tilghman Island, Maryland

Harm woke to find Mac nestled snugly in his arms. They had both barely moved from were they were when they fell asleep. Harm quietly slipped out of bed and put the coffee on. He then got himself cleaned up for the day. He had looked in on Mac after he had made the coffee. She was smiling in her sleep. She turned over and said his name as though she were teasing him about something. Harm sighed with relief. 'No regrets,' he thought.

After he had gotten cleaned up, he ran the water in the tub for Mac. He took a bottle of what looked like bath oil out of Mac's kit. "Warm Vanilla Brown Sugar," he said aloud. "I like it." And with that he poured a little in the tub.

He was going back to the bedroom to wake her when there she was, standing in the doorway. "What do you like, Sailor?" She was disheveled and sleepy looking and looked so sexy that he wanted to take her right back to bed.

"Hey you," he said as he scooped her up in his arms and walked her backwards out of the bathroom. "Hey… when did you steal this from me anyway?" Harm said as he tugged on the neck of his white t-shirt beautifully draped around Mac.

She smiled mischievously. "Oh, I'll tell you when you finally tell me…what it is that I ought to know." She laughed and kissed him quickly, ran for the bathroom and locked the door quickly behind her.

"I'll get you for that, Mackenzie," Harm said, laughing.

"Yeah, yeah, promises, promises, Rabb," Mac said through the door.

Harm pretended to be impatient with her. "Hey, get moving, Marine. I've got plans for you today." Harm set out their breakfast: fresh fruit and bagels and of course coffee. He would have been on his own if he had left that out of her breakfast.

Mac emerged from the bathroom looking and smelling for all the world like heaven to him. She wore her hair down, framing her face. She was wearing boot cut jeans and a soft sweater of orange red, the color of the leaves outside. Fall was in full swing here, but the day was clear and Harm intended to get out with Mac and enjoy it. He also wanted to keep Mac so busy that she wouldn't have time to regret being with him last night. He still feared ruining everything for them. He loved her. She said she loved him, but she also said she fought it. He didn't want to give her time to do that.

"Harm, are you okay?"

"Uh …yeah, I'm fine. Just lost in thought."

She walked up to Harm where he was seated at the table waiting for her. She placed her arm around his shoulders and leaned in and kissed him. She looked at him through half closed eyes as she did. When she smiled it broke the kiss. She leaned back and said, "Good morning."

Harm's arms went around her waist and he pulled her into his lap. "Mmm... I think I like this better than bagels and fresh fruit,"

"Oh, are we going on the Sarah Mackenzie diet?" She laughed as she said it.

Harm kissed her deeply and said, "Now that's an idea." He kissed her again and they embraced and laughed a little. It felt so good to be this close. Harm pulled back from their embrace. "You know, we could always stay in."

"No, that's okay, Sailor. I want the grand tour. I want to see more than the inside of this cabin,"

Harm smiled at her and waggled his eyebrows. "I could think of worse things."

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Will You Always Be There?

Chapters 17 through 18

Disclaimers as previously stated.

Chapter 170730

Saturday

Tilghman Island, Maryland

Harm and Mac decided to go down to Dogwood Harbor and do some sightseeing. They would explore Black Walnut Point tomorrow before they went back to Washington D.C.

They explored the 'Rebecca,' the oldest working skipjack. It was a National Historic Landmark. They took a two hour tour. The boats skipper held forth on anything from the boat's history to environmental issues. Some passengers took turns stepping into positions of crewmen. Harm and Mac just quietly observed. They were civilians on vacation today... They held hands and took in the Chesapeake Bay. Harm had been raised in California, but he loved the Chesapeake. There was a sense of history here like no other place. Annapolis was close by. He felt he had become a sailor on this bay so it was special to him. 

The tour was winding down and Mac was showing some signs of being tired. Harm pulled her close to his side, "Hey, are you okay, Marine?"

"Yeah, I'm alright. I'm getting a little tired and I think I could use something warm to drink,"

They found a light yellow Victorian building that housed the 'So Neat Café and Bakery.' "This looks nice," Mac said as she crossed the street with Harm. They went in and the smell of fresh bread baking and coffee brewing made Mac's mouth water. "Oh, Harm, this reminds me of your grandmother's house. I think I really am going to miss her."

Harm smiled to himself. He was so pleased that they had hit if off so well. He had known they would. He said, "You're still going back aren't you?...after your surgery, I mean."

"I plan to, but it will all depend on what I'm going to have to have done after, chemo or radiation. If it's chemo Harm, I don't want to put that much on her. I know she is very strong for someone her age, but I have no idea how much I'll be able to handle. I couldn't impose that much on her. She's done so much for me already."

Harm nodded and pulled out a chair for Mac. He touched her shoulder and asked her what he could get for her. She told him and he went to get her coffee and Danish. She watched him walk to the counter and thought, 'he's as afraid as I am.' He wasn't going to flinch, though, and she wouldn't either.

Harm brought Mac's order to her with a small bowl of soup. "Hey, is that for me?" Mac asked.

"You need to eat more than a Danish for lunch, Mac." He brought his soup and salad as well, and to his surprise Mac didn't argue with him. They quietly ate their lunch, each deep in thought about the upcoming week and what it would mean to both of them. Mac decided that they would not dwell on this now. She loved that they had been so happy together over the last week. She drew as much strength from their ability to have fun together as she did from their affection. Harm had been very affectionate from the time he came in at his grandmother's house late Thursday through today.

Harm had been thinking almost the same thing. He wanted to hear her laugh; he could not get enough of that. He also could not keep his hands off of her. He used to think she would never tolerate that. He reached for her hand as those thoughts ran through his mind, almost involuntarily.

Mac smiled at him, "What are you thinking about, Harm?"

"I was thinking about how much I like to hear you laugh," he said with a lopsided grin.

Mac smiled mischievously and said, "Even if the laugh's on you, Flyboy?"

"Yeah, yeah, okay …she's back. Are you ready to go? I want to have a look at this nautical book shop next door,"

She stood and said, "Okay, but I want to see the plants and wicker place across the street before we go back to the cabin. They have a little bit of everything in there. It seems so from the window anyway." They agreed and set off.

Harm was wandering around the bookshelves, pulling out one book after another. Mac watched from across the room. Harm in Wonderland, she thought. Just then she saw Harm stand a little straighter and extend his hand to shake hands with a man who stood where Mac could not see him. Harm looked a little stunned and had an almost comical look on his face. Mac had to get a closer look, so she walked toward him. The man was walking away from Harm and said over his shoulder, "Try and stay out of trouble, will ya, Rabb?"

Harm quickly answered, "Yes sir, I will, Mr. Secretary…ah, nice meeting you, sir." The man walking away raised his hand but did not look back.

Mac approached Harm, watching the man walk away and turn the corner toward the door. Recognition dawned and she said to Harm, "That's not…

"Yes, it was," he said.

"So he knows all about you, huh?" Mac laughed.

"Yeah, I guess so. I wonder what Sheffield told him?"

Harm still looked stunned. Mac continued to laugh and said, "You know, Harm, it could have been one of so many things." With that she took him by the hand and led him toward the door.

"Mac, I'm never going to make captain…..Do you think the Boss knows about me?"

Mac shook her head. "Come on, Harmon, it's time to take me antiquing." Harm focused on Mac, grinned sheepishly and followed her out the door.

The plant and wicker shop did turn out to have a little bit of everything, and they both enjoyed browsing through. Mac was in the plants and wicker and Harm found an old library table that he decided to have shipped to his apartment. Mac was still taking it all in when a petite woman with blonde hair spoke to her. "It's lovely isn't it?"

"Yes, it is," Mac answered. "There is so much to see for a shop so small."

"Yes, my husband and I get down here every chance we get." Mac turned to look at the woman and recognized her immediately. She noticed Secret Service men outside and one just inside the door. "Do you come here often?" the woman asked.

"Ah…no, this is my first visit," Mac said.

The woman smiled pleasantly and said, "Well, I'm sure you'll be back."

"Yes," Mac said awkwardly and walked toward the door. Harm joined her; oblivious as to whom Mac was speaking. Mac smiled a half smile at the foreboding Secret Service man at the door and Harm frowned at him as he passed him.

Harm glanced over his shoulder and was once again surprised by the person he saw. He walked up beside Mac and draped his arm around her shoulder. "I'm about ready to get back to the cabin….how about you?" Mac nodded the affirmative and they walked toward their vehicle.

They both noticed the half dozen or so Secret Service strategically stationed around the harbor. They got into Harm's SUV and Mac asked, "You don't suppose this is the undisclosed location…do you?" They both looked at each other and at the same time said "Nah."

They got back to the cabin at mid-afternoon. It was warm, with the fall color nearly at its peak and the smell and the sound of the ocean not far way. 'The best of both worlds,' Mac thought.

"Do you want anything?" Harm asked.

"Coffee would be great," Mac said, smiling at Harm. "I could get used to this."

Harm looked at her directly in the eye, "Good."

She sat down in the rocker on the porch and listened to the sounds of the leaves rustling on the trees. She heard Harm clattering around in the kitchen. She sighed contentedly and leaned her head back on the rocker and fell immediately asleep.

Harm walked back to the porch with her cup of coffee and said "Hey Mac…" and stopped short noticing that she had fallen asleep. He returned the cup of coffee to the kitchen and walked back to the porch. He carefully lifted her from the chair and carried her to the bedroom. He laid her gently on the bed and covered her with the blanket that was folded on the end of the bed. She smiled in her sleep and snuggled down in the blanket. Harm stood at the doorway and thought, 'we're going to be alright,…Jack, I owe you …big time.'

Chapter 18

1730  
Saturday  
Tilghman Island, Maryland

Mac woke slowly. She heard the sounds of guitar music. 'Harm,' she thought. She sat up and wiped her eyes. Harm must have carried her in here after she fell asleep, she thought. How was it that she fell asleep so soundly and so quickly? She shook her head and got out of bed. She stretched as she padded to the front door.

The sun was beginning to set and Harm sat on a chair playing his guitar, focusing intently on the chords. He did not see or hear her walk out on the porch. "Hey, Sailor," she said.

Harm was startled and they both laughed a bit when he almost lost his hold on his guitar. "I didn't wake you, did I?"

"No, I don't think so. I don't want to spend my whole time here sleeping, anyway. I don't want to miss anything,"

Harm smiled to himself and said, "Well, I don't think there is any chance of that happening." He set his guitar by the chair against the wall and got up. He walked to Mac and pulled her into an embrace. "Hello."

Mac slipped her arms around his neck, "Hello yourself. What smells so good? I'm starved."

Harm had made his Veggie Lasagna. Mac teased him about his no meat tendencies…except at his grandmother's. He had made a good dinner, though, and she ate everything on her plate. Harm built a fire, and Mac took a bath and got into her more comfortable clothes. She loved her jeans but she liked her lounging pj's. It was more comfortable to curl up on the couch with Harm. She smiled at the thought...

Harm was washing his hands in the kitchen and Mac walked into the living room and saw two mugs of tea sitting on the coffee table waiting for them.

"Harm, you are spoiling me so much. I'm going to expect this all the time, you know." There was a fire going in the fireplace. The wood scent filled the room. It was just cool enough to enjoy the fire. Harm walked through the doorway and rolled his sleeves back down. He could smell her shampoo and the scent she wore. It was not 'Warm Vanilla Brown Sugar" this time. It was a little more exotic.

She looked soft and sexy and warm and he wanted to pick her up and carry her to the bedroom. He didn't want to push too hard where that was concerned, though, not yet. She still seemed fragile to him. Last night was something he'd never forget as long as he lived, but he still knew he had better let her call the shots. He didn't want to risk ruining everything they had built up between them over the last week. 

"Where are you, Harm?"

"Oh...just thinking," he said, smiling sheepishly.

"Come and sit down with me," she said, extending her hand. Harm walked toward her and took her hand and sat down. He lifted her feet onto his lap and gently began to rub them. "Nice fire,"

"Yeah," It was suddenly too quiet and a little awkward. 'No,' Mac thought, 'we're not going backward.'

Harm saw her frown and said "Does this hurt?"

"No," she sighed, "I guess it got a little quiet and I got worried….no... it's stupid."

"What?" he said.

"I'm just afraid of going back to the way we were before you took me to Belleville. I don't want to face this alone, Harm, but I'm not used to leaning on anyone or letting anyone close." She looked away from him. "This is all new to me."

Harm smiled at her and gave her foot a squeeze. "You're doing fine, Marine. What is it Grandma says?"

They both answered at the same time. "Sometimes you just have to take things minute by minute." They both laughed a little and relieved the small amount of tension in the air.

Mac looked at Harm, who was looking at the fire. There was so much she wanted to explain to him. 'Oh, well,' she thought, 'here we go.'

"Harm, I've had to be tough of heart to change my life. I had to be someone different than I was when I joined the Marines. I could not react the same way I did when things got hard. No more hiding in the bottle or blaming my father for everything. I took everything on myself and it worked for a long time. In this situation it doesn't work. When I hold things in, the fear and pain only seem to get harder to bear. When I first got my diagnosis I tried to do things the same way I always had. I tried to tough it out and lose myself in my work. It nearly drove me crazy. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't shown up that night and took me out to Belleville with you. I don't know what I would have done without your grandmother Harm. Getting through this takes a different kind of strength, one that I'm just beginning to understand." 

Harm took Mac's hand and let her feet slip down to the floor. He pulled her into his arms and she snuggled up under his chin. He kissed her hair and thought for a long time. The quiet was not awkward this time. It was full of understanding. He remembered Mac breaking down at his grandmother's house, how lost she had sounded. It was all he could do not to cross the room and pull her into his arms right then. Grandma had been right, though. Mac wasn't ready to let him see her like that yet. He was so glad she trusted him enough to tell him this now, and he told her so.

Mac hugged him more tightly, "I'm just glad you never gave up on me completely. Cmdr. McCool says that I kept doing things that drove you away or kept you at arm's length because I didn't think I deserved you."

Harm shook his head and hugged her back. She was pouring her heart out again, with an intensity that nearly left him speechless.

"I thought I deserved men who lied to me or didn't really want the real me, the Marine and the woman."

Harm quietly said, "I don't think I know how to separate the two."

Mac lifted her head from his shoulder and looked him in the eye, "I know." She kissed him lightly on the lips then returned to her spot on his shoulder and began to talk again. "I was always so careful, or at least I tried to be. I never wanted anyone to think I couldn't do my job objectively. I know I fell on my face a couple of times, but I thought I had gotten back on my feet on my own. Now I fear that the career I've worked so hard to preserve will be taken away from me because of this…disease."

"You don't know that, Mac. Look at Bud. He had his moments but he came back and you will too. I know you, Mac, and I've always been proud of you, even when you were driving me crazy."

Mac smiled, remembering seeing Harm on ZNN carrying the little girl from the C-130 last year. "What?" Harm said.

"I was just remembering seeing you on TV last year after you landed that C-130 on that carrier. I remember thinking, only you, Rabb. I was proud of you then, and I would have died before I admitted it but I missed you so much. When I saw you, just for a moment, I felt I was there with you."

Harm interrupted, "You were, Mac. I may not have answered your messages, but the feelings I had for you would not go away."

Mac sat up and looked at him. "I'm sorry, Harm – for both of us, and what this terrible year did to our lives. I'm glad it's behind us."

"I am, too," Harm said.

They were quiet for a long time and then Mac asked, "Um, Harm, do you stay in touch with any of your old partners from the Company?"

Harm's smile spread slowly across his face and he thought, 'I was wondering if she was going to get around to that question.' Aloud he said, "Hey, let me up so I can put another log on the fire."

Mac thought, 'stupid stupid… I should never have asked.' She said "I'm sorry, Harm, it's none of my business."

Harm almost laughed while he had his back turned. She was trying so hard to be sweet, but she was dying of curiosity and he knew it. He stood and brushed the wood from his hands. "I'll, uh, be right back. I need to wash my hands."

Mac sat up on the edge of her seat and waited for him to return. She could see him from where she sat, washing his hands. 'God, I hope I didn't blow it,' she thought. He walked back, looking down, and then when he looked at her she looked so stricken that he almost felt sorry for teasing her. Almost…he still owed her for Sweet Thing.

He sat back on the couch and reached for her shoulders and turned her around and toward him. She was reclining across his lap and he held her loosely.

"I don't hear much from Beth O'Neil or Catherine Gale. They were friends, Mac, nothing more."

"Oh...well, I just assumed…I guess it's none of my business. I, I'm really making a mess of this aren't I?"

Harm just smiled at her, and she pretended to punch him in the chest.

"You…You're enjoying this just a little too much, flyboy. I just thought because Beth made it no secret when she was attracted to someone that...well you…are very, um well, very attractive."

Harm was laughing now. "Oh… thank you so much, Mac."

"Oh, stop it," she said.

"Mac, there was never anything going on there, really. There couldn't have been."

Mac was puzzled.

"Do you remember when you and Sturgis and Manetti and I were talking after her sexual harassment case was over, and you asked what our secret was? Do you remember what we said?"

Mac thought for a moment and said aloud "Don't ask." She looked at Harm and he raised an eyebrow. "Oh. Don't ask, don't tell…Really?" Harm nodded and Mac blushed.

"What are you blushing about, Marine?" Harm said.

"I don't know…I consider myself a pretty worldly person, but that one went right over my head."

Mac was totally dumbfounded and Harm couldn't help but laugh. He hugged her close and she pounded his back.

"Okay, okay… knock it off, sailor."

They both pulled back at the same time and looked at each other. They both eased in to kiss each other lightly on the lips. One kiss led to another, and before they knew it they became passionate. Harm leaned forward and pushed her back into his lap. He could not get close enough or enough of her taste. He felt a sense of possession of her. She was his no matter what happened. It was a fact. He also knew he'd better back off a bit or he'd lose some of that control Mac was so glad he had. He backed off and broke the kisses to shorter but sweeter ones. He would never let her feel rejected by him again. He had learned that over the last week anyway. How could she have ever thought he didn't think she was good enough for him?

Mac seemed to sense what he was doing and decided to start the conversation and lighten the mood.

"So, Harm, since we seem to be in the mood to tease, are you finally going to tell me what it is 'I ought to know'?" She gave him her best Cheshire cat smile. "No kidding, Harm, I've always wondered what was going on with you that day."

Harm shook his head and thought payback.

He said, "Okay, do you remember that I had fallen backward in the admiral's chair that day and really hit my head hard?"

Mac nodded the affirmative.

"Well… almost every time I saw you that day….let's just say you weren't in uniform and we weren't talking about JAG business."

Mac smiled mischievously. "Really?"

"Yeah… really," he said.

"So tell me, sailor….what was it I was supposed to know?"

Harm blushed profusely and said "Well, that particular time I saw you; ah… you came into the room in a beautiful evening gown and told me that it was supposed to rain that afternoon…and that it was perfect weather for making love."

Harm looked away. This was getting to him …big time and having her close with her body soft and pliable in his arms, even the easy laughter between them was about to set him on fire.

Mac gave him a slow sly smile and said "Oh."

"That wasn't the worst part. I…ah, called Renee Mac that next morning. I swear I saw you, wrapped in a towel, sitting on the side of my bed. I thought I was losing my mind."

"Oh, honey." Mac chuckled softly.

She reached up to caress his face. She ran the tips of her fingers through his hair from the side of his head to the back of his neck. She was killing him and she didn't even know it. Lighten this up, Rabb, he thought.

He had an evil thought then. He would get her. He would have her stammering in nothing flat.

"Okay, Mac…I get to ask you something now."

She smiled and said, "Alright."

He looked her directly in the eye and smiled. "Ah…you know last night when we were…. Well, you know when we were."

The look in her eyes sent his upper hand completely out of reach. 'Smooth Rabb…who is stammering now?' Harm berated himself.

"Making love?" Mac answered, finishing his sentence.

"Yeah, you, ah…said that you didn't think you could… and ….well, you didn't finish your sentence," Harm stammered. He could still hear the sound of her voice, saying his name, saying she loved him.

Mac looked at him through narrowed eyes and leaned in close and kissed him lightly on the lips. She drew back and looked him in the eye.

"Oh, I think you know….don't you Harm?"

Harm nodded the affirmative. He kissed her then; the fire was back and burning hotter than ever.

Harm broke the kiss and said, "God… Mac, I want you so much… but I'm afraid I'll hurt you."

Mac chuckled softly and shook her head. "Not you, Harmon, not with all your control." She nipped his bottom lip before he took control and kissed her deeply.

Sometime later…

The house was dark. The only sounds inside the house were coming from the bedroom. The sounds of soft laughter, pleasure and then rumbling thunder from outside and a cloudburst of rain.

Mac whispered into Harm's ear, "Oh, Harm….it's raining. I heard that someone said that it was perfect weather for…" Mac didn't finish the sentence. She was otherwise occupied.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Will You Always Be There?

Chapters 19 through 21

Disclaimers as previously stated.

A/N: The medical diagnosis and treatments mentioned in these chapters are fictional and are not meant to represent anything outside of the context of this story.

A/N: This story was begun just prior to Season 10, it was written over the course of the season, finishing up in May of this year. I hope you'll stay with me. Thanks to all who are reading.

Chapter 190545

Sunday

Tilghman, Island, Maryland

Mac lay awake watching the colors outside the window change with the sunrise. She was laying on her right side with Harm spooned in behind her. His arm and the pillow supported her head and his other arm held her close. His breathing was deep and restful, almost lulling her back to sleep. She did not want to sleep anymore until they went back to Washington D.C. She was too happy and her cares were far, far away. The world was Harm and this beautiful place.

If anyone had told her a month ago she would be waking up with Harmon Rabb wrapped around her she would have told them they were crazy. Life had been the same lonely place for so long. Nothing really ever changed, and then one day based on one decision, her life changed course forever. She still had the same fears, but they weren't as large because she had given voice to them. She truly didn't have the strength anymore to fight or pretend one way or the other. Mac was in survival mode and she was going to survive. She nestled herself deeper into Harm's arms, and he responded by tightening his hold on her and pulling her closer still.

Harm woke to the feeling of Mac in his arms. She seemed to want to burrow deeper into his arms; he was glad to pull her in closer and he did. She felt like heaven in his arms. He never wanted to leave this place. She'd said last night that she didn't want to go back to the way things were before she went to Belleville with him. There was no way that was going to happen. He leaned down to kiss her shoulder and she turned slightly in his arms and kissed his cheek. Just the feel of her turning toward him, the touch of her lips on his cheek pulled them both in. One more time. One more time before they left this place and got back to what they both had to face now. One more time to pretend they had all the time in the world. He loved her slowly but with an intensity that shook Mac to her very core. She would never doubt that he loved her again. She wished she were in better health and in better shape but in truth at that moment it just didn't matter. It was about love and unspoken promises, but promises just the same from them both.

0800

Saturday

Tilghman Island, Maryland

Mac emerged from her bath ready for the day. Harm had once again made breakfast for them both. They were going to hike to Black Walnut Point. They had good weather, cool but sunny. Harm wore a backpack with their supplies and Mac walked slightly behind him on the trail. The leaves crunched beneath their feet. As they walked they heard the tree frogs singing. They saw blue heron, mute swans, and a doe gracefully loping across a field near the southern tip of the Island. They were nearly at the Point when Harm placed a finger to his lips and pointed to a nest high in the trees along the shore. He looked through his binoculars and signaled Mac to come and look. She saw a pair of bald eagles nesting there. It seemed strange for them to be there, but they were awesome to see. She had always thought they were ugly birds and wondered why this was a national symbol, but now looking at them she felt differently. They had nobility and power about them that struck you when you spent any time watching them.

It was nearly 1300 when they got back to the cabin. The sky was beginning to become overcast. It seemed appropriate; it was nearly time to go home. Harm could see that Mac was tired.

"Hey why don't you go lie down and I'll get things together and clean up before we get out of here."

Mac smiled wanly and nodded agreement. She stretched out on the bed. "I'll be so glad when this is over and a morning hike doesn't knock me out," she said to no one in particular, but Harm heard her.

He walked to the bedroom door and said, "We'll come back, Mac, and I might even let you beat me when we run."

"Oh...you mean like when you ran in front of a car just to get ahead of me?" she said, smiling sleepily. She was teasing… Harm had saved her life that day.

"Hey, I won didn't I?" He walked to her and draped a blanket over her, and she rolled her eyes and yawned.

"Always have to have the last word…don't you, Harmon?"

Harm walked toward the door. "Who…me?" He turned to look at her and she was already drifting off. He went into the kitchen to clear away everything and pack as much as he could for both of them before she woke up. They were on their way home by 1430.

1600

Sunday

Mac's Apartment

Harm shook Mac's arm slightly, "Hey you, wake up, were back at your apartment." Harm got out of the car and walked around to the other side of the vehicle to open her door.

Mac got out of the vehicle and waited while Harm got her bags from the back seat.

"It seems as though I was away for so much longer than 10 days," Mac said.

"I know," Harm was worrying that coming back would break the spell that seemed to be around them. One that let them tell each other their hearts. One that would not allow angst or worry.

"Hey do you think your grandmother would mind if I gave her a call?"

Harm answered that she would not and felt immense relief that Mac didn't want to put the week behind her. Maybe she would want to return to Belleville after all.

Mac made her call and Harm went into the kitchen to make her some tea. He heard Mac laughing and telling his grandmother about their 'strange interlude' in Dogwood Harbor. She also gave her details about her surgery, time and approximate amount of time in the hospital. She discussed the possibilities of staying with her and also her concerns about how much trouble she might be if she had to have chemo. She was quiet for a time. He knew his grandmother was getting through. 'She'd have made a hell of a lawyer,' he thought smiling. "Okay, okay. I'll discuss it with Harm…I really appreciate everything you've done Mrs. Ra…Sarah. Yes, yes. I'll be in touch. Okay…Thanks ..Goodbye."

"Whew," Mac said. "Now I think I know where you got some of your skills in arguing a case."

Harm walked to Mac and handed her the cup of tea he had made. "Formidable woman…isn't she?" Mac nodded. Harm gave her a sidelong glance and said, "Like someone else I know."

Harm thought it was a good time to ask Mac to stay with him tonight. He did not want to leave her here alone.

"So, Mac, why don't you just pack a bag and come home with me tonight. You're closer to Bethesda, and you can get your pre-surgical blood work and x-rays while I'm at work, and I'll make you a nice dinner after I get home."

Mac crossed the room and stood in front of Harm. She placed her hand on his arm and looked into his eyes.

"Harm, I need to be alone tonight. I need to get my head around what I have to do. I promise I'm not trying to push you away. I just need to get my house in order before I get started on this."

Harm was quiet for a long moment.

Mac could not read his expression. She asked, "Are you with me, Flyboy?"

"To hell and back, Mac," he said. "What about dinner tomorrow?"

"That sounds great," Mac kissed his cheek.

"Okay…I'll get back to my place. I need to catch up with Mattie and get this week organized too. Please call me, Mac, if you need me. I don't care what time it is."

With that, Harm left for his apartment and Mac closed the door, leaning back against it and letting a breath out slowly.

It was nearly 0200 when Harm heard a knock on his door. 'Mattie,' he thought. 'What is she doing up this late?' Harm put on his robe and looked out of the security lens in his door.

"Mac?" he said aloud. He opened the door and she flew into his arms.

"Hey, are you alright?" he said.

"I was fine till about an hour ago. I missed you and I'll have plenty of time to myself after this stupid surgery….What was I thinking?"

Harm chuckled and hugged her tightly to him. "Come on, Marine, let's get some sleep". They were in bed and sleeping within minutes. They were where they belonged….Together.

Chapter 20

0730

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Harm and Mac slept deeply for the rest of the night. Mac woke at 0500 on the dot. She slipped out of bed and showered and was dressed by 0530. She sat on the edge of the bed and kissed Harm on the cheek.

"Hey, Sailor, wake up."

Harm roused awake, "Mac? What are you doing dressed this early?"

"I have to report to the lab at 0630 and I want to be sure I'm on time. You never really know about the traffic on the Beltway,"

"Let me make you some coffee at least,"

"No, I'm fasting remember?" she reminded him.

Harm had forgotten about her needing to fast for her blood work. He was dreading this. The beginning of this damn ordeal. He felt angry all of a sudden and he wasn't sure why.

"Don't worry about this, Harm. I'm just getting up and out of here so I can get this over with." She kissed his forehead and quickly got up and out to the door. "I'll call you later today." She opened the front door and said "Don't expect the call till this afternoon."

She closed the door behind her. Harm got up and walked stiffly to the kitchen. He walked to the window in time to see Mac walking to her car. She stood tall and, in spite of all she had been through, proud. Every bit the Marine.

Harm smiled to himself and thought, 'It's going to take more than this to get Mac down.'

The rest of the morning at home was about details. Mattie breezed in about quarter to seven. Harm had made pancakes for breakfast. "Wow, what's the occasion?"

"I got up early and decided to treat you and Jennifer to a decent breakfast," Harm said with a smile.

Just then Jennifer Coates walked through the door, knocking as she opened it. "It's me," she said and asked, "Hey, did I see Col. Mackenzie's car out side this morning? She sure came by early."

Mattie took a bite and smiled at Harm mischievously. "Okay young lady; it was not what you think," he said.

'Not last night, anyway,' he thought with a sheepish grin.

"Mac came over late last night. She has to get some presurgical testing done today and her surgery is tomorrow. She just didn't want to be alone."

Mattie said, "I'm glad she came here."

"I am too," Harm said.

Mattie and Jennifer quietly ate the rest of their breakfasts. Mattie took her dishes to the sink. Harm followed her and said, "Mac will probably stay here to tonight. I'll be taking her to Bethesda early in the morning and I'll probably be there all day."

"Don't worry about a thing, sir. We'll handle tomorrow morning and tomorrow evening for that matter," Jennifer offered.

"Yeah, I don't have any after school stuff and as a matter of fact I have another paper that I need to work on, for U.S. History this time," Mattie said.

"When is it due?" Harm asked.

"Don't worry, Harm. I've got two weeks yet. I just want to get an early start."

"Okay… hey, I'm making dinner tonight; you don't have to stay away. I really think Mac might like your company for a while," They all agreed on a 1700 dinnertime and everyone set off on their separate ways.

0830

Monday

JAG HQ

Harm made it into his office with just enough time to drop off his cover and briefcase and be seated before Sturgis began staff call. Two new attorneys sat on opposite sides of the table on each side of Sturgis. Harm felt that the order of things appeared off. He banished the thought and Sturgis began introductions.

"You may or may not have met Lt. Cmdr Faith Coleman and Major Michael McBurney last year." Sturgis paused a moment then continued, "They will be permanently stationed here at headquarters."

Harm thought, 'Thanks, Sturgis.' He nodded to them both and sat a little taller in his chair. Sturgis looked at each of them,

"Welcome and I hope you have your sea bags packed. Commander Coleman, you will be accompanying Major McBurney to the destroyer U.S.S Hennessey. You will be working to help to settle a dispute between Canadian and U.S. fishermen with the help of our Canadian counterparts. See Petty Officer Coates for your travel itineraries. Commander Rabb, you will defend a Chief Petty Officer Pruitt, who is accused of bigamy. Commander Roberts, you will prosecute." Bud nodded toward Sturgis after he spoke.

"In addition; Commander Roberts you have been appointed to assist the CNO in his evaluation of candidates being considered for the new Judge Advocate General. You will begin next Monday. Congratulations, Mr. Roberts."

Bud was stunned. So was Harm; he didn't quite know how he felt about it. He was happy for Bud, but he couldn't help feel that he was being stepped over. 'Did the admiral make this recommendation before he retired?' Harm wondered. 'Maybe I was right. Maybe I won't make captain.'

Sturgis spoke again. "If there is nothing else, you are dismissed. Commander Rabb, if you will stay, I would like to speak with you a moment."

Harm waited until the others filed out. He looked at Sturgis and waited. "First of all, I want to apologize for that slip of the tongue this morning. I am sorry. In truth I had forgotten all about it."

Harm assured him it was alright but was relieved to know Sturgis had forgotten that awful time. Brig time and an accusation of murder wasn't something he would ever forget.

"I also want you to understand I gave you the bigamy case to keep you close to home this week. I can't promise any more than that."

Harm waited to see if Sturgis had finished and said, "I appreciate that, Sturgis. I'm okay with it."

Sturgis crossed the room and looked out of the windows. "Let me say I know you well enough to know you like being in the thick of things. I'm sure Bud's appointment must rankle a bit."

"It does, but I'll deal with it. I've got a lot on my plate right now with Mac and it's really just as well. I'm glad for Lt…..Commander Roberts. He's grown a lot since his injury. I think the admiral was right to promote him."

Harm couldn't help thinking, though, that the admiral still held his resignation against him. He shook it off; he had enough to handle without taking that on.

Sturgis said, "Harm, I have something personal I would like to discuss and I hope you will take this in the manner it is intended."

Harm thought, 'what now?'

"I'm speaking friend to friend here. I want to be sure you understand that."

Harm nodded.

"It appears that you and Mac have become close again, and a year and a half ago I would have said 'it's about time'. Now I just don't know, buddy."

Harm furrowed his brow and thought, 'where is he going with this?'

"I've seen you rescue Mac too many times only to have her slam the door in your face."

Harm was getting angry now.

"All I'm saying is watch your back, buddy. I don't want to see you make another sacrifice and walk away empty handed."

Harm sat quietly for a moment. If he had acted on his feelings, he would have just stood up and walked out of the room. Handling this well was important. Sturgis had been his friend since they were seventeen. He didn't want to throw that away, but he wanted to make it clear that he believed in Mac and didn't want to hear anything like that from him again.

He stood and walked over to where Sturgis was standing. Sturgis looked at him and Harm said very firmly,

"I appreciate your concern, Sturgis, and I will take it in the spirit in which it was given…..this time. Mac and I have both done our share of hurtful things to each other. None of which I intend to go into. I will tell you that our relationship is different now. Mac could very well be fighting for her life, Sturgis. We don't have time for games anymore. You and I are friends, we go back a long way and I honor that, but understand I will not tolerate any negatives where Mac is concerned now. Are we clear?"

Sturgis stood looking at him for a long moment and said, "So be it."

Harm went back to the table and picked up his case file. "Will that be all?"

Sturgis looked at Harm, "That is all." With that, Harm left the conference room and went to his office.

Harm got started setting up interviews with Chief Pruitt and both of his "alleged' wives. This was not a day to suffer fools gladly and Chief Pruitt was an idiot. Apparently he thought he was divorced. He had never signed his divorce papers but since his wife had had power of attorney he thought she could sign them. How in the hell did this man make rate? His record was spotless. He had great quarter marks, all 4.0, but his personal life sucked. 14 years in the Navy, 2 kids in the first 'marriage' and another on the way with the other 'wife'… it boggled the mind.

He decided to have lunch in his office today and try and do a little research on Mac's surgery and condition. What he found brought him to the reality of what they were facing. Ovarian cancer was a killer. If Mac was stage II or III she was already in a lot of trouble. He had gotten information from a number of sites, most of them very grim. It didn't look as though radiation was even an option. He saw articles on experimental drugs. Some articles about egg harvesting for women of childbearing age who wanted to preserve their chances of having children through IVF. Most of the reading he was able to do gave statistics about how long a patient would live after surgery. There was not a lot of hope of a 'normal' life in the articles he read. He kept telling himself that he had just not found all the information he needed to find. What he did read that was positive was that if Mac's tumor was encapsulated she had a far greater chance of survival and of possibly having children.

He just wanted to keep her with him. He didn't care what the cost. They could adopt, raise foster kids. Whatever. He just didn't want to imagine a world without Mac. He sat back in his chair and covered his face with his hands. He could not grasp it. Was he in some kind of denial? They had finally found each other and now this. It occurred to him to bargain with God and promise anything just let him keep Mac with him. He sat up and shook his head. He picked up the phone and called someone that might help him get a handle on this situation.

1400

Monday

National Naval Medical Center

Bethesda Maryland

Mac lay on a table waiting for the CT scan to begin. She had been given a contrast injection and was waiting for the exam to start. The petty officer and Lt. Cmdr doing the CT were professional, but Mac noticed they stole glances at each other. They looked as others had all day. Everyone had been friendly and professional, but when they read her diagnosis and the surgery she was to have tomorrow, their demeanor changed. They seemed to look at her differently. Mac thought they looked at her as though she were already dead, or as though she had a death sentence. She wondered if she had ever done that to anyone. She hoped she had not, for everyone who did that to her made her feel that much worse. 'I'm not dead yet,' she thought to herself.

This was the last thing that had to be done today. Tomorrow they would know what they were facing and how they would deal with it. She was ready to go home to Harm. God, she loved the thought of that. Home to Harm. 'Please, God, let it always be so,' she thought.

1615

Harm's apartment

North of Union Station

Harm turned his key in the lock of his apartment door. Thank God this day was over. He just wanted to see Mac. It had helped to talk to his grandmother for a few minutes. She always had a little wisdom; she always made him laugh at himself and look at things with hope and faith. He dressed in his favorite jeans and liberty bonds t-shirt and started dinner. He would make something special tonight. He wanted to take Mac's mind off of tomorrow as much as he could.

A short while later he heard Mac use her key to open the door.

"Hey," she said. She looked at him with such a sorrowful look in her eyes that Harm immediately went to her and pulled her into his embrace.

"Hello, you."

"I'm sorry I didn't call. I just wanted to get out of that hospital and get back here. Oh, I'm so glad to be home,"

Harm leaned back and looked into her eyes, "That's right, Mac. You are home."

Chapter 21Mattie bounced in the door at 1700, with Jen following not far behind. Mac was setting the table and Harm was finishing up dinner. Fettuccini Alfredo was what Mac had wanted and it was one of Mattie's favorites as well.

"Wow," Mattie said as she flopped on the couch. "Pancakes for breakfast and Fettuccini Alfredo for dinner; Mac, you should come around more often."

Harm looked up from his task at the stove and gave her a warning look. Mattie just smiled and said,

"Um.. do you need any help, Mac?" She got up and walked to the table. Jen had already joined Mac in setting the table.

"I think we have this under control, Mattie," Mac knew Mattie was needling Harm. It was kind of fun to watch. Not very many things got by Mattie, she was sure.

They had all sat down with the exception of Harm. He was putting the finishing touches on the table. Mattie noticed Harm touch Mac's shoulder or back as he placed something on the table. She noticed that their eyes locked for a couple of seconds and a slow sly smile spread across Mattie's face. Harm caught her expression and walked back toward the kitchen shaking his head.

Gotcha, Mattie thought. He finally told her. Mattie glanced at Jen and smiled knowingly.

Mac got up and walked to the refrigerator. Harm said, "Where are you going? I'll get it."

"Harm, I can handle getting my water."

She and Harm exchanged smiles, and he said, "Okay." Mattie and Jen looked at each other with raised eyebrows.

They finished dinner, making small talk about school and a little about work. No mention was made of Mac's surgery. They helped clear the table and started to do the dishes.

"Hey, I've got this," Mac said.

"Okay, well, I guess I'm going to get going then," Mattie said. "Mac, good luck tomorrow, we'll be thinking good thoughts."

She suddenly hugged her, surprising Mac.

She hugged Harm quickly. "See ya tomorrow, Harm. Call me after, okay?"

"I will, kiddo," Harm answered. She is handling things like this so much better, he thought with pride. She never ceased to amaze him. Jen and Mattie returned to their apartment for the night.

Harm and Mac started to clean up the kitchen together. Mac had been dreading this all day, but this needed to be done. Here goes, she thought.

"Harm, we need to talk about a few things."

Harm looked at her, "Okay."

"I've made you executor of my estate."

Harm interrupted, "Mac …"

"Harm, you have to hear this now. I know this is hard; it's hard for me. I have to know you understand my wishes and I want to be assured that they will be carried out. I need that now."

Harm stopped what he was doing and dried his hands. He took her hand and walked to the couch. He had not looked at her the whole time she was speaking. He sat down and Mac followed him. "Harm, do you understand?"

Harm looked up, his eyes glazed with tears. "Yeah…go ahead," he whispered.

Mac drew a deep breath and plunged ahead. "First of all, Chloe is my primary beneficiary. I do have a small amount set aside for my mother….if she can be found."

Mac was quiet for a moment, then said, "I don't know why I'm doing this. Maybe I just want her to know…to care." She chuckled. "I thought that if there was money in it for her, she would show up." Mac smiled her half smile but then tears pooled in her eyes.

Harm reached for her hand.

"This is harder than I thought it would be," Mac said, laughing slightly.

Harm looked at their joined hands and closed his other hand over them. "Go on."

"I have a ten thousand dollar CD set aside for little AJ's education. This is already in my will, but there is something I want you to do for me….. I want you to tell him about me. Tell him I was there when he was born"

Harm pulled her into his arms and Mac tucked her head under his chin. They were both crying now, quietly.

"I want AJ to know that little Sarah was my namesake. It is also written in my will that Carriage House will continue to deliver fresh flower arrangements twice monthly to the cemetery; on the second and the sixteenth day of the month. If the days are mixed up, they'll just be thrown away. I don't want Sarah to be forgotten. I know it seems a minor detail but it is important to me."

Harm remembered the loss of little Sarah. Harriet's grief had broken his heart. He never thought Mac would be grieving her this way as well.

He said, "I'll see that it's all taken care of, Mac, but I don't…."

Mac held her hand up and continued. "I want you to have my Marine Corps ring. I wouldn't be a Marine anymore if it had not been for you. I wouldn't even be alive…and I never thanked you. I'm sorry for that."

Harm spoke up. "Mac, we've been there for each other more times than I can count. I'm not keeping score. We will continue to be there for each other because you're going to get through this."

"I'm going to do everything I can, and I have hope, Harm. I just want the peace of knowing that if something happens to me the personal things are understood and carried out by someone who…."

Mac stopped, and Harm finished the sentence. "Loves you. And I will, Mac. I swear it."

Mac felt him struggling to keep his emotions under control. He was trying so hard to be strong for her. She had said enough. She had not meant to upset him so much.

"Now I feel better and you feel terrible." She hugged him tightly, "Okay I'm done with the serious talk."

"Thank God, Mac…you're killing me." They both chuckled as they wiped their eyes and got up to finish cleaning the kitchen.

They worked in silence, but it was not an uncomfortable silence. They went to Mac's apartment and packed her bag for the hospital. Harm seemed to need to be touching her all the time – her arm, her hand, the small of her back – and Mac noticed and drew comfort from it. She wasn't sure who was reassuring whom. They returned to the apartment and seemed resolved to face tomorrow together. They didn't feel the need for a lot more talk and they were both surprisingly calm. They had this time, this quiet time that was theirs. They showered and slipped into bed. Mac was wide awake and so was Harm. They just held each other and caressed and soothed until they fell asleep.

0600

Tuesday

National Naval Medical Center

Bethesda, Maryland

Mac and Harm waited in the presurgical area on the surgical deck. Mac's gynecologist, Commander Fletcher, came in and was accompanied by Captain Dan Morrison. He was a tall man, nearly as tall as Harm. His complexion was fair and had auburn hair and he had an easy almost laid back manner. His manner was professional but appeared very approachable. He was involved because he was the attending oncologist on the case. He introduced himself and discussed his opinion of her options. The doctor was very matter of fact and realistic. He was not grim but was thorough in his assessment of what her options were.

Mac introduced Harm as a close friend who was also her medical power of attorney.

"First off, Colonel Mackenzie, do you have any questions?"

She asked if he was aware that she had had some of her eggs from her right ovary harvested. She wanted to keep her options open no matter how slim her chances of conceiving. Harm was pleased that she still thought of her future, of their future.

"Colonel Mackenzie, we will make every effort to ensure your chances of conception post surgery; however, you do understand that should this tumor not be encapsulated and there is any indication of metastasis we will most likely perform a radical hysterectomy."

"I understand," Mac said as though she were discussing a case with Harm. She was with fellow officers now. She had her 'Marine' on and he loved it.

"We will also proceed immediately with chemotherapy should circumstances warrant it."

Harm looked at Mac and Captain Morrison and said, "May I ask a question?"

Mac and the Captain answered in the affirmative.

"What if the tumor is encapsulated?"

Captain Morrison answered, "Since Colonel Mackenzie is hoping to have children, the tumor will be removed and she will be monitored closely every couple of months. Radiation would do more harm than good because of scar tissue defeating our purposes. We would do blood work and diagnostic scans to assess that there is no change in her status. I would prefer a 5 year wait before attempting to conceive, but it could be attempted in as little as a year. You should also know this puts you at risk for a reoccurrence. We have also consulted with Johns Hopkins in Baltimore on this case. The tumor has some characteristics that are uncommon."

Mac knew Johns Hopkins was a teaching hospital and liked the idea that someone would benefit from all this no matter what happened to her. Just then a corpsman knocked on the door.

"Are you ready for us, sir?"

Captain Morrison looked at Mac and asked, "Any other questions?" Mac answered in the negative.

"Okay, Petty Officer, we are finished here. See you in recovery, Colonel." Then, looking at Harm, he said, "Commander."

"Sir," Harm said, and with that the officers left and Harm allowed Mac some privacy while she was prepped for surgery.

Harm waited on a chair outside the room. The door opened and the corpsman was guiding Mac out of the room on a gurney.

"Well, this is it," Mac said.

Harm thought that things were moving too fast all of a sudden. Mac looked too small and frail in that hospital gown. They had put in a port for her IV. Harm looked at it and his stomach lurched. Mac noticed that Harm had turned pale and asked,

"Are you okay, flyboy?"

"I'm fine; things are just moving a little fast for me all of a sudden."

Mac tried to smile, "I thought you liked to go fast."

He leaned down and kissed her gently. "See you after surgery."

He stood and watched them wheel her down the hallway. He felt he should go with her. He wanted to stand over every doctor and nurse and be sure they all did everything they could. His life, his future… hell, his whole world was being wheeled down the hallway.

'Don't leave me, Mac' he thought.

It seemed to him a childish thought, but one he could not get out of his head. He didn't care what had to be done or what had to be sacrificed. He could not lose her.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Will You Always Be There?

Chapters 22 through 24

Disclaimers as previously stated.

Chapter 220715

National Naval Medical Center

Bethesda, Maryland

Harm sat in the cafeteria, staring at but not reading the newspaper he had picked up on his way down. He had walked to the surgery waiting area. The empty room seemed to suffocate him as soon as he sat down in it. He left it nearly as quickly as he had walked in. He had been told the surgery would take two hours minimum about 45 minutes ago. The smell of coffee had drawn him down to the cafeteria but he thought better of having any. He hadn't drunk anything at all until a few minutes ago. Mac couldn't have anything and he hadn't even thought of anything until now. Fruit and bagels with a water chaser. Mac would tease him about his 'health food'. He was still running on pure adrenaline. The last thing he needed was coffee now.

He looked at his watch and it had only been 3 minutes since he looked at it last. He got up and walked back to the waiting area. A man in khakis sat on the couch leaning forward. His arms were rested on this knees and his head was resting on his clasped hands. Harm stopped and started to turn around and go back out. The man looked up and then stood immediately. "Sir."

Harm noticed his rank then and said, "Stand easy, Senior Chief." The senior chief had not been upset but deep in thought. Harm was relieved. He was barely handling his own situation. He didn't want to take on or be a party to anything else.

The man offered Harm his hand and said, "Senior Chief Matt McGuire, sir. I'm just finishing up my last tour as a detailer at the Pentagon."

"Senior," Harm said, shaking his hand. "Commander Harmon Rabb. I'm at JAG headquarters."

"Sir," the senior chief said. And they sat down. "Yeah, the wife's in surgery. Her sixth," he said shaking his head. "I don't know how she does it. She just keeps going. She's having her knee replaced…again. I hope this is it this time." The senior chief got up and walked to the window. Harm wasn't quite sure what to say.

Just then a corpsman walked into the waiting area. Harm's heart went up in his throat. "Senior Chief, your wife is in recovery, sir. She'll be there for about an hour and then you can see her."

The senior chief said, "Thank you, Petty Officer."

"And sir, Captain Henderson will be down shortly to talk with you." He nodded to the petty officer and the corpsman left the room.

"Whew," the senior chief said. "Well, that's finally over."

"I hope you get good news, senior." Harm said.

"So do I, sir. We aren't sure if this was a matter of her bones not being quite strong enough for her prosthesis or if she has had a reoccurrence." The senior chief swallowed hard and said, "If you'll excuse me, sir, I think I need some air. This room is definitely too small."

"I know how you feel," Harm said and nodded in agreement to the senior chief as he walked out the door.

Harm walked to the window and looked out. It was going to be a gray day. What he wouldn't give for the sunshine they had in Belleville. He could sure use it now. He looked at his watch: 0800, another half an hour at least. He had wanted to get out of this room but now he was afraid to leave. They might come looking for him and he didn't want to miss them. Mac just had to come out of this. 'Six surgeries,' he thought. 'God, how does anyone willingly let a surgeon cut into their bodies?' A traumatic injury was one thing, but scheduling and having surgery done; that definitely took some mental toughness. He thought for a moment about what was happening to Mac right now. He could not dwell on the thought. He already felt that Mac's body was his. He resented the fact that he had to just hand her over and trust them to do their best. It made him angry all of a sudden. 'Damn it! They had all better do their best, to the letter, or I'll see them all in Leavenworth' he thought. He walked away from the window.

He was driving himself crazy and he knew it. He still hadn't read his paper. It was pointless. He couldn't concentrate enough to read it. Just then a young man in an Army uniform stepped into the room. "Excuse me, sir." Harm looked up. He read McGuire on the name plate of the young man's uniform. "Have you seen...?"

"He just stepped out, Sergeant," Harm said.

"Sergeant Jacob McGuire, sir," he said as he offered his hand.

"Commander Harmon Rabb. The senior chief should be back any moment," Harm said.

Just then the senior chief did come in. "Hey, when did you get in?"

"Hey, Dad." They shook hands, and Harm suddenly felt like an intruder.

"I'm going to take a quick walk around. It was nice meeting you both."

"Thank you, sir," the senior chief said. "Jake here just got in from Afghanistan." The young man shifted on his feet uncomfortably and his father stood a little taller and beamed. Harm smiled, nodded to them both and stepped out of the room.

The hallway was cooler, he thought as he looked at his watch. Ten more minutes. Surely someone would tell him something by then. This had to be the longest 2 hours he had ever spent in his life. He walked to the end of the hall and had started back when he saw a man in scrubs walk into the waiting area. He thought it must be Captain Henderson. He slowed his pace, trying to give them time to talk before he got back to the room. He wasn't far from the room when they all walked out into the hall. The man in scrubs and the senior chief shook hands. "Thank you, sir," Senior Chief McGuire said and the man in scrubs walked away.

The senior chief gave Harm the thumbs up. Harm smiled at him and said, "That's great, senior." He then patted his son on the back and they headed down the hallway toward the recovery room. Harm thought, 'If he can have this much hope after six surgeries, then I can hang on for Mac, for both of us.' He walked into the room feeling a little better somehow. He walked to the window and remembered what Mac had said about having hope. 'Hope for the best and prepare for the worst,' his grandmother always said. He smiled at the thought of her. He had given her a solemn promise to call her as soon as he knew anything. 

"Commander Rabb?" Harm was startled and turned quickly around. "I'm sorry, sir." The corpsman hadn't meant to startle him. "Colonel Mackenzie is in the recovery room. Captain Morrison will be with you shortly."

"Thank you, Petty Officer," Harm said. 'Here we go', he thought. Okay, he could do this. If Mac could go through surgery, he could wait a few minutes for the surgeon to get down here.

Fifteen minutes later, Captain Morrison walked into the room. Harm tried to read his expression but he could not. "Sir," Harm said.

"Commander, it looks like the tumor was encapsulated. We removed the left ovary and fallopian tube. We performed a few diagnostic scans while she was on the table and there doesn't appear to be any metastasis at this time."

Harm's knees nearly gave way. Relief swept through him from his head to his feet. He reached for the wall and casually rested his hand on it, leaning slightly. The captain noticed and said nothing but suggested they sit down.

"She came through just fine, her vitals are good. She appears to be a strong woman – her level of fitness worked in her favor."

"So what happens now?" Harm asked.

"The colonel will need to stay at least a couple of days; I prefer a release on Friday. She should follow up with me in two weeks. She will do as I have said before. See me every two months for blood work and any diagnostic testing that may be required," he said.

"No radiation, then?" Harm asked.

"No, as I said before. The resulting scar tissue would decrease the colonel's chances of conceiving and cause other health problems as well." Harm could not help but smile with relief. "Don't misunderstand, Commander; the colonel is not out of the woods yet. Ovarian cancer is a particular deadly form of cancer and can be very insidious. She must be vigilant in her follow up, as I told you both before; this tumor has some markers that are uncommon. We do not want to take any chances where this is concerned."

"Understood, sir," Harm said. They both stood and shook hands. "Thank you, sir," Harm said.

The captain nodded. "She'll be in her room shortly and you may see her then."

Harm walked down the hall and outside. He fully understood the senior chief's need for air earlier. It was over and she had a chance. They had a chance. Anything…he'd take it. He hoped she would go out to his grandmother's to recover as she had said. No need to worry about radiation treatments. Just healing, and Belleville was for that.

He walked back into the hospital about 20 minutes later after making a promised call to Belleville on his cell phone. He found Mac's room and found her still asleep. She looked as though she had been through a battle. She was pale and her face drawn. She laid very still, no movement but her steady breathing. Harm walked to her bedside and leaned on the bedrail. He reached over the rail to brush her hair back from her forehead. She was his again.

'Just wake up, Mac,' he thought, 'let me see that you're okay. Let me tell you what the doctor said.'

Mac slowly became aware of light in the room. She opened her eyes slightly and saw Harm's arm and the watch on his wrist. His hand reached for her, to touch her face.

"Hey. It's about time you woke up," Harm said.

Mac tried to speak, but her mouth was dry. Harm said, "Wait," and gave her a small ice chip from the cup beside the table.

"Did Captain Morrison say encapsulated?"

Harm smiled. "Yeah."

Mac placed her hand over his and said, sighing with relief, "Yeah." Harm kissed her cheek lightly. "So tired," Mac said.

"Sleep, baby, I'm right here."

Mac smiled, starting to drift off, and said in a whisper that only Harm could hear. "Just like always."

Chapter 231300

Tuesday

National Naval Medical Center

Bethesda, Maryland

Harm sat in the chair at Mac's bedside; it was turned so that he faced her. He had leaned forward and was resting his head on the side of her bed. He was dozing a bit. Mac continued to sleep.

Mac felt something at her right side weighing down the mattress. She opened her eyes slightly and saw Harm. She had been dreaming at least she thought she had anyway. She dreamed she had been out of bed and that she and Harm were talking to Bud and Harriet in the hallway. Harm had helped her back to bed and he promised he wouldn't tell the nurses. Was it a dream?

Harm sensed that she was awake and sat up. "Hey, Tiger, welcome back," he said.

She turned toward him looking slightly confused and asked, "Were Bud and Harriet here?...Was I out of bed earlier?"

"No….Mac, you've been in bed all this time. You just had your surgery this morning…remember?" Harm said, looking amused.

"I must have dreamed it. It seemed so real. We were hiding from the nurses so they wouldn't catch me out of bed,"

Harm was chuckling now. "Honey, I think the anesthesia gave you some pretty vivid dreams."

Just then the inflatable compression wraps on her legs began to fill and tighten around her lower legs. Mac was slightly startled by them. She remembered then she had been told they would be in place after her surgery. "Whew, I guess I'm pretty out of it, huh?"

Harm took her hand and kissed it. "Yeah, a little, but that's okay. You'll be feeling better in no time. So do you remember that you spoke to me earlier, right after they brought you out of recovery?"

Mac looked at him with a slightly confused look, and then she remembered. She said, "Encapsulated," with a smile.

"Yeah, that's right," Harm placed Mac's hand on his cheek.

"Well…my boy Harm…you may get those little Rabbs yet."

Harm was a little surprised and very amused by a punchy Sarah Mackenzie. She was still very groggy and he knew she was in no shape to have a serious discussion, so he played along.

"Well Mackenzie, we'll just have to work on it, won't we?"

He had just about decided that he didn't care if he and Mac had any biological children together or not. He just wanted Mac with him for as long as possible. He never wanted to have her wheeled away from him on a gurney again. That was a discussion for another day; right now a laugh or two was just what the doctor ordered.

"Oh, now, sailor I don't think I'd be too much fun…right now anyway. Just you wait till I'm better. You are in for a lot of trouble."

Harm was grinning mischievously. "Promises, promises, Mackenzie."

She looked at him, suddenly serious, "I never make a promise I can't keep."

Harm answered, "You haven't yet," reversing the roles in a long ago conversation.

Mac eyes were drooping and she was starting to nod off again. "I love you so much, Harm…"

Harm stood and leaned over the rail to kiss her cheek. "I love you, too." And with that she was immediately asleep.

Harm stood and stretched and walked across the room. He felt stiff from sitting and sleeping in that chair. He smiled, remembering their baby deal so long ago. Mac really never got that it was about keeping her in his life; about her waiting for him to get a handle on who he really was, a naval lawyer or a naval aviator. It seemed a century ago. So much had changed – they were different people then. He had loved her then but he was just beginning to realize it, when she had gotten so upset about his leaving and he suddenly knew he didn't want to leave her either. He knew it wasn't about losing his partner. Kate and Meg were great and he missed them, but it never broke his heart to leave them. The men in their lives never concerned him. Jordan had been right. He was waiting for her to decide she wanted him. Poor Jordan.

He shook himself slightly trying to wake up, when a corpsman knocked on the door. "We need to check her vitals and her incision, sir."

"Very well, Petty Officer, I'll just step out; if she wakes tell her I'll be right back."

1830

National Naval Medical Center

Bethesda, Maryland

Mac had gotten fully awake around 1600. She was able to have dinner and nursing staff had gotten her up for a short walk. She would have her IV until tomorrow morning. She had a PCA pump so she could administer her own pain meds as needed. It pained Harm to see Mac gingerly trying to move around the room. Getting in an out of bed seemed to be the hardest. He found himself not wanting to let her do anything at all. If it hurt, he didn't want her to do it.

Mac was lying back on her bed with the head of the bed elevated. Harm was finally reading his paper. Bud and Harriet suddenly appeared in the doorway. They knocked on the open door and Bud said, "Can we come in, ma'am?"

"Of course, Bud," Mac said weakly. She was really hurting after all her activity and she was trying not to use the PCA pump as much. She smiled a half smile at both Bud and Harriet. "I'm glad to see you both."

"We don't want to intrude, but the commander told us about your surgery…." Bud said, but was interrupted by Harriet who said, "and we just couldn't stay away."

We hope you're doing okay, ma'am," Bud said.

"I'm coming along, Bud. I'm getting good care and lots of help," she said as she looked at Harm. He smiled at her and took her hand and squeezed it. The gesture wasn't lost on Harriet.

They visited for about 15 minutes. They caught up on AJ and Jimmy and Mac asked Harriet about how she was feeling. Harriet reported that she was doing a lot better with this pregnancy, even though she was carrying twins. She and Harm laughingly told Mac about Harm rolling Harriet to lunch in her chair on a particularly bad day when she was pregnant with Jimmy.

Mac looked lovingly at Harm. 'He's going to be such a good father. He should have as many children as he wants.' Her expression turned wistful, and again Harm took her hand with one hand and covered it with the other, knowing she was thinking of their children.

"Well, we'd better get going," Bud stood.

"We just wanted you to know we were thinking about you" Harriet said.

"Thanks,"

"Hey Bud, we need to talk tomorrow first thing," Harm was dreading having to deal with their case.

"About the Pruitt case, sir?"

Harm rolled his eyes, "That's the one."

Bud smiled knowingly and said he would see him tomorrow.

Harm noticed that Mac winced when she tried to shift slightly in her bed. "Are you okay, Mac? When was the last time you used your PCA?"

Mac answered, "It's been a couple of hours."

Harm frowned at her. "You've been moving around – that's bound to make it hurt more."

"I want to get off the strong pain meds as soon as possible, Harm,"

"I understand, Mac, but you just had major surgery this morning. I would think a few days of help with this pain isn't going to make you an addict," Harm said – and wished he could take the words back.

"I am an alcoholic, Harm. I have to be careful not to let myself become dependent on anything."

Just then Captain Morrison knocked on her door. "I'm doing rounds a little late tonight. How are you doing?"

"Better, sir," Mac said.

"Well, let's have a quick look. Excuse us, Commander."

"Yes, sir," Harm said. The captain pushed the nurses call light and when the corpsman answered. She was summoned to assist the captain.

The captain flattened the bed and Mac held her breath to keep from groaning with the pain. "Are you using your PCA, Colonel?"

"No," Harm answered for her as he left the room.

Mac shot him a warning glare, and Harm narrowed his eyes at her and left the room. "I'm trying not to be too dependent on the PCA. I'm an alcoholic and I don't want to allow myself to be dependent on anything,"

"It is admirable that you want to discipline yourself this way, Colonel, but you did just have this surgery less than 24 hours ago. You are being monitored by our staff and appear to have a 'friend' who is watching you very carefully. If there are any signs of overuse, they will be corrected immediately."

He pushed the button on the PCA pump and said firmly, "Allow yourself to heal, Colonel, and that's an order. You will do it more quickly with the help of this medication. That s what it was made for, understood?"

"Yes, sir," Mac said, her face reddening with embarrassment. The corpsman walked in and the captain did his exam. As Mac readjusted her gown, Captain Morrison had the corpsman call Harm back into the room.

Harm stepped back into the room looking at Mac, hoping she would not be angry with him. Mac smiled a weak smile and was still a little pink from embarrassment. 'We're okay,' Harm thought. Captain Morrison discussed the morning's surgery. He told Mac all that he had told Harm while she was in the recovery room. The tumor was encapsulated and her left ovary and fallopian tube had been removed. There would be no radiation.

The thing that he said that concerned Mac was 'unusual markers' when he was talking about the tumor. "Sir, what is meant by 'unusual markers'?"

"What we mean, Colonel, in layman's terms is that this tumor isn't 'behaving' like a malignant tumor, but it doesn't act like a benign tumor either. This is why we are consulting with Johns Hopkins on this one,"

Harm said, "You mean this may not be ovarian cancer?'

"I won't say that, Commander. I'm just saying it appears to have rare characteristics which could mean it is aggressive but insidious (difficult to detect), or that it is not and with its removal the colonel may be cancer free." He raised his hands and looked at them both. "It is important that we treat this the way we do any time we suspect ovarian cancer. We have been and will be as conservative as we possibly can, but we will monitor you, Colonel. …closely. I wish I could give you a more definitive answer, but this is the best I can do for now."

"I understand, sir," Mac said.

The captain stood and walked to the doorway. Harm stood, and the captain looked back at him and said, "Commander."

"Sir" Harm said. With that the captain left.

Mac drew a slightly deeper breath. Her pain medication was beginning to work and she was getting drowsy. She realized too that she had been taking shallow breaths because of her pain. She closed her eyes.

"Mac, are you alright?" Harm asked.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just trying to take it all in."

"Yeah, me too."

"I could be cured or I could just be putting off the inevitable," she said. "God, why can't I ever do anything like everyone else?"

"Mac…I know this must be frustrating for you. I'm just so glad that nothing has spread."

He leaned forward in his chair and placed his elbows on the side of the bed. He reached over with one hand and caressed her arm. He looked lovingly into her eyes.

"I don't ever want to lose you, Mac. We can do this. I know we can."

Mac tried to smile and put her head back on the bed. "I'm so glad you're here, Harm."

Harm stayed with her until around 2100. Mac was in and out with pain meds keeping her groggy.

Harm stood "I'm going to have to go, Mac." Mac nodded and gave him a wistful look. Harm said, "Hey, no knocking on my door at two in the morning."

"Not me," she said. "I'm on drugs." She nodded her head toward the PCA pump.

"Ha ha, Marine, don't hold that against me. I couldn't stand to see you suffering like that."

"I just want to be normal, Harm, and I want to be my best."

He leaned over her bedrail moving close enough to Mac to look at her directly in the eye. "You never have to worry, Mac." With that Harm kissed her lightly on the lips. "I love you."

Mac smiled but was drifting off to sleep. She was completely out before he got to the door.

Chapter 24

0930

Wednesday

Jag Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm sat behind his desk, looking over his Pruitt case file. He and Bud had just settled a deal that would have the chief lose one rank and be fined for the next 6 months. He was almost surprised that the chief accepted. He guessed that the one thing the chief did well was his Navy career and he didn't want to lose it. He also thought that the fact that he was scheduled to deploy in two weeks would get him away from both women. He smiled at the thought.

Sturgis knocked on his open door. "Hey, got a minute?" Sturgis said.

"Yeah, I've got about a half an hour til I meet with my client," he said.

"How is Mac?" Sturgis asked.

"As well as can be expected. I spoke with her early this morning. The doctors are thinking they got everything and that the tumor may not have advanced to the stage they had previously thought when they performed the biopsy," Harm answered.

Sturgis was genuinely relieved. "I'm glad to hear it, Harm. I know what a relief it must be to you both."

Harm raised his eyebrows. "It is that; we're not out of the woods yet, though. Captain Morrison is being very cautious about giving Mac a clean bill of health. He wants to monitor her closely, and really, I appreciate that he wants to be this thorough."

Sturgis stood before Harm's desk as he spoke and folded his arms in front of him. "Harm, I think we need to discuss something…"

"Sturgis, it's okay… really. It's been a hell of a hard year on all of us. If someone had told me a year ago that Mac and I would be as close as we are now I'd have told them they were crazy."

Harm stood, closed and lifted his briefcase from his desk.

"Don't worry about any of it." He took his cover from the table by the door and Sturgis followed him out. He closed his office door and started for the elevators.

He looked back at Sturgis over his shoulder and said, "There is too much going on now to sweat the small stuff."

Sturgis smiled. He thought that Harm seemed happier than he had seen him in a long time, even though he and Mac were weathering a pretty rough storm. He looked at his watch and was astounded to think that Harm was going to show up for a meeting 15 minutes early.

1100

Wednesday

National Naval Medical Center

Bethesda, Maryland

Mac lay back on her bed with the head of her bed elevated. Commander McCool sat in a chair at her bedside. They discussed Captain Morrison's assessment of her medical status and Mac's concerns about addiction. They also discussed her week in Belleville and the night that triggered her agreement to accompany Harm there.

"It appears that is the night you found that your old coping mechanisms didn't work," Commander McCool said.

"I felt so foolish for falling apart like that. I don't know what I would have done if Harm hadn't come by," Mac said.

"Well, you appear to have stopped isolating yourself from others, and that is definitely a step in the right direction. However, when we discuss your future and the possibility of a family you still appear to feel that you do not feel you deserve happiness."

"Harm deserves a family; he would make such a good father. He already is to his ward, Mattie."

"Yes, you have spoken of this before. Since Harm has shown you his ability to love and nurture a child that is not his biologically, why can't you accept that you could have a family with him this way as well?"

Mac was quiet and Commander McCool continued. "You also have spent a lot of time explaining what Harm deserves. What do you deserve, Colonel? Do not misunderstand; I'm not suggesting that you focus only on yourself, but you need to consider yourself and your needs as well. What is important to you personally? Not what you think you should want, or what you think others would be pleased with, but what is going to make you happy."

Mac continued to ponder what the Cmdr. had said. "Do you still plan to recover from your surgery with your friend in Pennsylvania?"

Mac smiled remembering Mrs. Rabb, "Yes, I do. It seems to be a place where I can see things clearly."

"I am glad to hear it."

"I have to come back in two weeks to follow up with Captain Morrison. I can see you then if you prefer."

"That would be fine." The Commander also assured Mac she would follow her progress closely, consulting with Captain Morrison regarding her medications.

"I would like you to consider what we have discussed here today, and we will discuss it further when I see you in two weeks. You are an accomplished woman in your career, Colonel, and that has given you a measure of happiness, but you need to complete the circle, if you will. I have been able to discern from our discussions that you already have a family of sorts. Your friends at work, your little sister Chloe, Mrs. Rabb in Pennsylvania, and Harm along with his ward Mattie. There are all kinds of families, Colonel. You can chose to make one of your own…..or not." She stood and stepped forward to shake Mac's hand. "See you in two weeks."

"Thank you, Commander," she said.

Mac closed her eyes and tried to absorb all that she had discussed with Cmdr McCool. Why did these sessions always leave her so exhausted? She decided to try and take a nap before lunch. She had been up for a walk this morning and wanted to get up and moving after lunch. Harm would probably be out to see her around 1700. She suddenly missed him so much that tears stung at the backs of her eyes.

She had missed him last night. She had awoken at about 0200 and looked at the clock on the wall. Her pain meds had worn off and at pain on her incision site had awakened her. She'd smiled a bit when she noticed the time. 'Harm…it's 0200…too bad I can't get out of this bed,' she had thought. She'd hoped he was asleep. This week had been very hard for him, she knew. She had pushed the button on her PCA and eventually drifted off to sleep.

1330

Wednesday

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm had taken a late lunch and decided to call his grandmother and give her an update on Mac. She was pleased to know she was coming after all. Harm got a bit of surprise from their conversation. Frank and his mother were there. They had decided to come and see her on their way to the east coast and then Europe. She and Frank were staying for a few days next week in New York to see some friends of theirs and then continue on to Germany. Since Chrysler had become Daimler Chrysler their circle of friends had widened. Frank had retired, but he still held an honorary seat on the board of directors so he kept a lot of his connections.

His grandmother put his mother on the phone. 'Hello, son,"

"Uh, hi, Mom. How are you doing?" He hadn't spoken to his mother since July. He hadn't really purposely avoided her. It just seemed lately that his life and hers were going in two different directions. Things where Mac was concerned were so complicated that he rarely spoke of her at all lately.

"I'm fine, Harm. How is Mac doing?"

"She's fine, mom." God… this was awkward. Harm broke out in a sweat.

"Your grandmother said she had been having some health problems and that she may be coming out here to recover."

"Uh..yeah. That is what she's going to do. She'll be released from the hospital Friday and I'll be driving her up Friday night."

"Did she have surgery, son?"

"Yeah ...Mom...It's kind of complicated..." Harm said.

"It's alright, Harm – you don't have to tell me everything. I'd like to come down and see you, though, tomorrow before Frank and I leave for New York…If that's alright with you,"

"Of course, Mom, I'd like to see you. You'll get to meet Mattie,"

"I'd love it," she said. An awkward silence fell. "Well…. I guess I'd better let you get back to work,"

"Yeah" Harm laugh a little too nervously.

"See you tomorrow, son," Trish said.

"Yeah, and tell grandma I'll call her Friday morning……..Bye, Mom."

"Goodbye, Harm,"

Harm replaced the phone on its receiver. "Whew…." He covered his face with his hands, then stood up, walked across the room and shook his head. 'Tomorrow should be a lot of fun,' he thought.

1730

National Naval Medical Center

Bethesda, Maryland

Harm stepped into Mac's room. She was walking out of the bathroom, with no IV and no assistance at all. "Hey, you're getting around great,"

'Thanks," Mac said. "They took my IV out about 1400, and I've gone for a couple of walks down the hall with the nursing staff." She carefully walked to her bed and got in. "They won't let me walk in the hallway by myself yet. That's tomorrow, I think."

Harm had been looking at her closely as she spoke. She looked so much better to him. Her coloring had gotten better. She was moving much better than yesterday. 'Have you had dinner yet?'

"No, not yet. I wanted to get out here to you. I'll grab something while you're resting. How are you doing with the pain?"

"Well, I'm due another dose in about half an hour. I can feel it, but it isn't as bad as I thought it would be."

Harm sat down in the chair near her bed "Good."

"I saw Commander McCool today."

"How did that go?"

"It was a good session but I felt totally drained afterward. I'll be following up with her when I come back to see Captain Morrison."

"I called my grandmother and told her you were definitely coming. She was really pleased." Mac smiled. "I got blindsided, though," Harm said. Mac looked at him curiously. "Mom and Frank were there, and she wants to come down tomorrow and see me before she and Frank head to New York and then to Europe."

Mac smiled at him and said, "It's been a while seen you've seen her, hasn't it?"

"Yeah, but I haven't purposely been avoiding her, Mac." Harm avoided her gaze, feeling a sense guilt he could not explain.

Mac remembered that conversation, one that she was ashamed of. She'd had no right to tell him he was a 'rotten' son.

"Harm, relax and please don't believe that I meant that stupid remark I made last Christmas. I was just doing my favorite thing at the time. I was so miserable I lashed out at anyone who came near me. It was just your turn that day."

Harm took her hand, then looked at their joined hands. "She may want to come out here tomorrow, you know. Knowing Mattie, she'll probably invite her," Harm said, shaking his head.

Mac laughed a little, bracing her incision slightly with a pillow. "She really has been good for you, Harm."

They went for a walk later in the evening and Harm left at 2100. Mac was doing well with her pain management, but the medication still made her sleepy. Harm checked in with Mattie and told her about his mother's visit tomorrow. "Great," she said. "I've always wanted to meet her."

"Remember, you're going to the hospital with me tomorrow after work, so be ready. Are you all caught up on your homework?"

"I've never been behind," Mattie said huffily.

"I just don't want anything to put you behind. No more 'dragon lady,' that's all I ask,"

Mattie giggled and hugged Harm, and he said "See you in the morning."

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Will You Always Be There

Chapters 25 through 27

Disclaimers as previously stated.

Chapter 25

0600

Thursday

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Trish had risen early and made coffee. She took a cup outside with her and stood on the porch to watch the sun beginning to rise in the east. It was late October. The fall colors were at their peak. It was going to be a crisp cool day. They didn't have those in California. She loved this place but did not come here very often since she and Frank had married.

She felt that her first husband still lived here. It was overwhelming at times, even now. She could never share this with Frank. He was a good man and she knew that he loved her. She had loved him in return, but never in the way she loved Harmon Rabb Senior. When Harm went to find his father, and when he found that he had a brother in Russia, she had told Harm she had been able to find some closure where his father was concerned. She thought she had. She and Frank had gone to Europe; he had wined her and dined her and courted her all over again. She looked at the 4 carat diamond on her left hand. It was beautiful, and Frank had given it with a full heart. She wished she could give her whole heart but Harmon still lived there. It seemed that lately her mind turned to him more and more.

She walked down the stone walkway and began the walk down the long drive. Oscar followed, prancing around her heels and waiting for her to throw anything so he could chase it. She remembered she used to dream of meeting Harmon on this drive. In her dreams he had come home to her and little Harm and he would never leave again. Oscar barked, trying to draw her into playing his favorite game, so she threw a stick and he bounded after it. The wind was picking up and she headed back to the house. The leaves blew up and Trish could have sworn she heard her name being spoken. She looked up at the house, thinking that Frank had gotten up and was calling her. There was no one … and then she heard it again.

'Trisha…" Trish drew a breath in sharply. She looked around her, searching for the place from which the name had come. Only Harmon had called her Trisha, and not all the time…it was a pet name that he only used when they were alone. She saw no one and shook herself, feeling her hair standing up on the back of her neck. She had spent too much time walking down memory lane. She decided it was time to go inside.

0900

National Naval Medical Center

Bethesda, Maryland

Mac was feeling a lot better today. She was still sore at her incision site but she was able to do more and more on her own. She was independently getting around in her room. She needed very little help from nursing staff with her personal care. The only problems were pain when she had been on her feet for too long and getting in and out of her bed. She was looking forward to getting out of this hospital and out to Pennsylvania for awhile.

She had had visitors this morning very early. Captain Morrison had brought Dr. Mark Ahrens from Johns Hopkins to discuss his role in the testing and research being done on her tumor sample. He was enthusiastic but professional. He and the captain appeared to disagree but did not say so. Dr. Ahrens asked her to participate in a study, which he assured her would only entail a bit of additional blood work when she saw Captain Morrison.

She asked the captain point blank about how he felt about Dr. Ahrens' theory that her tumor may not have been malignant but a phosphaturic mesenchymal tumor.

He answered, "I intend to proceed as we had previously planned. If you are willing to participate in this study and the tumor is found to be a benign but rare type of tumor, then we all win. Our goal is to remove your risk of reoccurrence and possibly allow you to have a family in the future."

Mac understood, and though she wished she could hear a definitive yes or no, she accepted things as they were now. She had a chance, and that was more than she thought she had 3 days ago.

She gingerly got out of her bed and put on her robe. She decided to take a walk to the end of the hall and get out of this room. There was an open waiting room there and a wall of windows with a nice view. She walked along the hallway near the rail on the wall. She did not hold on but would touch it now and again to steady herself. She was not sure if it was medication or weakness, but she was definitely not 100 percent yet. She did not notice as she passed a hallway which fed into the larger one that a man stood watching her.

She got to the waiting area and sat carefully down on one of the chairs near the window. The man had moved down the smaller hallway and was about to step into the larger hall and toward Mac.

"Colonel Mackenzie," a corpsman called to Mac. She looked up, and the man who had been following her disappeared. "We need to get your vitals and also get another blood sample for Johns Hopkins." Mac stood and returned to her room.

1400

Thursday

JAG Headquarters

Harm was completing yet another case review from the stack on his desk. He placed the case file on the stack on the opposite side of his desk and shook his head in aggravation. 'We need more junior officers around here to do this scut work,' he thought.

Petty Officer Coates came to his open door and knocked. "Commander Rabb?"

"Yes, Petty Officer,"

"It's Mrs. Burnett on line 3,"

'Thanks, Coates that will be all." He pushed the button and answered, "Hi, Mom. Where are you?"

She told him they had checked into the Willard. She asked if she and Frank could meet him in his apartment about 1630 and he agreed. Sturgis knew that his mother and Frank were in town so he was going to secure early.

Sturgis could be a pain, but Harm knew he was going out of his way to make this difficult situation easier while getting as much work done as possible. Every i dotted, every t crossed on Sturgis's watch. His grandmother was right; he had always been CO material. Harm was also going to be able to get out of the office at 1300 tomorrow so he could get Mac to Pennsylvania. Sturgis was alright, really. He just couldn't resist giving him a hard time once in a while.

1700

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Mattie sat on the couch, watching Harm going back and forth to get his mother and her husband drinks. He was nervously asking about the trip so far, how Frank's golf game was going, how things were at the gallery in La Jolla. She had never seen him so uncomfortable. His mother seemed like an ok lady. She had been very nice to her so far. They both seemed crazy about Harm. He seemed to hate it. Why was he so uncomfortable? He was almost as bad as she had been around her father before they had reconciled. He wasn't sarcastic as she had been, but it was clear to anyone watching him that he would rather be anywhere but here right now.

She decided to give him a break, and his mother seemed to have the same idea.

"So, young lady, how do you like Washington, D.C.?" Trish asked.

"I like it a lot. I miss Grace Aviation. I'm sure Harm told you. I had – or my Mom and I had – a crop dusting business."

Harm shifted on his feet and suddenly found his shoes very interesting.

"No," Trish answered. "Why don't you tell me about it?" Mattie began to tell her about Grace Aviation, and as she did, Harm seemed to relax.

Harm thought, 'Thank you, Mattie.'

She was being charming and engaging, and his mother and Frank were totally smitten. They had wanted grandchildren for so long that Mattie must have seemed a godsend. He had a lot to explain to his mother and there was no good time or place to do it. Mattie sat there and said it all effortlessly.

She explained how Harm had tried to help her. She even included Mac's role in his ability to get custody of her. She mentioned Mac's illness, how much she had enjoyed having her around lately. By the time Mattie was finished, Harm had nearly nothing to explain.

To Mattie it was all simple, the facts of her life right now. It was as though she knew he couldn't handle this right now and she just stepped up. In the space of about 20 minutes the tension level in the room had dropped considerably. 

"You must be proud of her, Harm. She is quite a little lady," Trish said and Harm agreed.

"Hey," Mattie said. "Are we going to Bethesda now?"

Trish looked at Harm, hoping he would invite them along. She had never met Mac, but she knew that Mac was the one for Harm. She had known it for a long time.

"Would you like to come, Mom? It's nearly time for dinner." He wasn't sure yet that he wanted her to come.

"Oh we had a late lunch and we'd love to," Trish answered.

Frank spoke up. "If you two don't mind, I think I'll go back to the hotel for a while."

Trish looked from Frank to Harm, and Mattie said to Trish, "Cool… you can ride back with us and we can drop you off."

'I like this girl,' Trish thought.

She and Frank said their goodbyes. She knew Frank was trying to give her and Harm some one on one time. He was such a good man. So much more than she felt she deserved at times.

1830

National Naval Medical Center

Bethesda, Maryland

Harm had been surprised and pleased to see Mac appearing stronger and having less pain than she was yesterday. He had been concerned that the trip to Pennsylvania would be too much for her, but he wasn't worried at all now. She had been up and was walking toward the waiting area at the end of the hall. After he introduced Trish to Mac, they all joined her with Harm taking her hand and placing his arm around her shoulders.

The gesture was not lost on Trish, and she thought, 'finally.' She saw on his face what she had been hoping for so long. He was in love. He had always been so closed off. It was difficult to know how he felt about anything, but now the love was written there for anyone to see. Trish looked at Mattie and thought that this young lady must have had something to do with Harm's ability to open his heart. Trish instinctively reached over and patted Mattie's back as they walked to the waiting area.

They sat down, with Harm helping Mac ease into her chair. Mattie kept the conversation going between all the adults until the initial awkwardness passed. They seemed to fall into easy conversation after that. Mac had asked Harm to get the small pillow she had to help her brace her abdomen when she coughed or laughed. Mattie was in rare form tonight so she thought Harm should get it as a precaution. Harm started down the hallway – and then he saw him.

Harm stepped closer to him. "What the hell do you think you're doing here?" Webb did not answer. Harm looked at him squarely in the eye and said, "Never come near my family again."

"Does that include Sarah?" Webb asked.

"You know it does," Harm was, barely controlling his anger. This man who had caused such pain in both their lives was standing this close to 3 of the four women he loved most in the world.

"I think Sarah should speak for herself."

"He is speaking for me," Mac said, startling them both. "Webb, go and fare well. I mean that in the truest sense of the word. I wish you no ill will, but never come near us again." She placed her hand on the back of Harm's arm. "The time for us….the time for the 3 of us to be friends is over. Get on with your life…the life you have chosen. I have certainly chosen mine."

"Sarah…" Webb said.

Mac stepped closer to him and her hand went up to stop him. "I realize that Harm and I are the closest thing you have ever had to friends…or anything else. Your friendship has cost us both dearly, and I know I can speak for both of us when I say…we're done."

Webb looked at her, trying to decide whether to believe her or not. "I love you, Sarah."

Mac looked down then back up at him. "You don't even know me, Webb. I'm not as tough as you think and I do need someone. I need someone who knows me and loves me anyway, flaws and all."

Webb looked at her, shaking his head.

Mac continued, "Look, I believe you are dedicated to your work and your country. I admire and respect that, but being in your life for anyone can be nearly fatal. And I love my life, so I want no part of that anymore.

Harm had been leaning back against the wall. He then stood near Mac and placed his hand on her shoulder. Webb looked at both of them and then nodded, saying nothing. He turned and walked away without a backward glance.

Harm stood in front of her and took her hand. He looked into her eyes and tried to read her expression. He said, "Okay?' She nodded and they both started back toward her room.

Mattie and Trish had missed the entire exchange and they joined them a few minutes later. "Hey, what happened to you guys?" Mattie asked.

"Oh, I was a little more tired than I thought so I decided to come back and lie down," Mac answered.

"I was just coming to get you," Harm said.

They stayed about another half an hour before leaving to allow Mac to get some sleep and get ready for tomorrow. Mattie and Trish left and gave Harm and Mac a bit of privacy. Harm sat carefully on the side of the bed. "Is this okay?" he asked. She nodded. He leaned forward carefully and kissed her lightly on the lips. "I miss you, you know,"

"I miss you too," she answered. She kissed him then, deeply, ending the kiss with a little nibble to his bottom lip.

"I think you're starting to feel a lot better now," Harm said, smiling.

"I think I am, too."

Chapter 262000

Harm's SUV

Capital Beltway

Washington D.C.

"Mom, what do you say I drop Mattie off at the apartment and you and I grab a cup of coffee somewhere?"

Trish was so surprised she didn't speak for a few seconds. "That would be great, Harm. I'd love it!...Starbucks?" she asked.

"Starbucks is fine."

Mattie sat in the backseat, smiling to herself. She felt entirely responsible for the ease of conversation between them. Once you got Harm talking, you could get by with just about anything.

'Would this be a good time to ask for the credit card so Jen and I can shop after I get home from school?' She wondered.

Harm glanced at Mattie in the rearview mirror and asked, "What are you up to, Mattie?" Mattie decided maybe this was not a good time. 

0900

Thursday

Starbucks

E Street

Washington D.C

.

Harm and his mother sat down at a small table near a window. Trish looked at her son across the table. He was beginning to show some signs of age, though in her eyes he was as handsome as his father had always been. She did not get to see her husband at that age. Harm shifted in his seat, a little uncomfortable under her gaze.

"I'm sorry, Harm. I was thinking about your father."

"What were you thinking about him?"

She told him and then said, "I've been thinking about him a lot lately. I don't know why."

Harm looked at her sympathetically. He understood that she still felt guilty and that he was responsible for that. He reached across the table and gave his mothers hand a squeeze.

"You okay, Mom?"

"Oh, I'm fine. I have been wondering, though, why you have stayed away so much the last couple of years. It's silly, every time you become distant; I still think you're angry at me for giving up on your father."

"I'm sorry, Mom, and it wasn't about that at all. It has been a really crazy time for me. I don't even know where to start."

He shifted in his seat so that he was not facing her but looking out into the night and the traffic passing.

"Son, you know you can tell me anything. I'm not a fragile as you think,"

Harm looked down into his coffee cup. "Mom, I got into some trouble spring before last. It took me about 6 months to straighten it out, and even then I was still having a difficult time."

Trish looked at him and he immediately looked down.

She said, "Let's walk, son. Maybe that will help you get this out."

They walked down E street toward the Mall. Trish took Harm's offered arm and encouraged him to continue. He told her about Singer, about his mistaken idea that her baby was Sergei's. Trish thought 'Harm, trying to rescue another Rabb.' He told her of his arrest and the admiral's order for all his friends to stay away.

"Son, why didn't you call us?" Trish was incredulous.

"I couldn't, Mom. I couldn't stand the thought of you seeing me in a place like that. I went from JAG's fair haired boy to the brig in an afternoon. I don't know what I was thinking."

Trish thought for a long time, trying to take it all in; thinking that the reason she wasn't told was that Harm didn't trust her to handle it well. He was still trying to protect her.

"Go on, Harm," she asked.

"The issue was resolved with the help of the same NCIS officer who arrested me, if you can believe that," he said with a lopsided grin.

He told her about Paraguay and his resignation. He left out the whole Mac and Webb fiasco. No need to dredge that up. He wanted her to think well of Mac, and they were all a little crazy back then.

"When I wasn't able to return to the Navy, I flew some missions for the Company,"

Trish stopped short and said, "The CIA?" Harm answered in the affirmative. Trish was stunned. She knew she wouldn't have taken that one well at the time. She said honestly, "Well, son, it's probably a good thing I didn't know about that."

Harm chuckled a bit. "Seriously, Mom, you understand now that it wasn't you or anything about the past. I just felt ashamed of the mess my life was in at the time. I didn't want to spend a lot of time with you until I had it straightened out."

"Is it straightened out. Harm?"

"I think I'm working things out pretty well. Mattie has helped a lot,"

"Oh, Harm, she is a wonderful girl."

"She is that," he said. He decided not to go into the custody thing with her now, either. He didn't want her to worry and he honestly didn't know how things would end up. Mattie did not seem to be willing to give her father or him up and that was fine with him. Harm smiled to himself and said, "and then there's Mac."

Trish squeezed his arm a bit and repeated what he said. Harm was getting tongue tied again. Trish laughed a little and said, "Oh, honey, you don't have to explain anything to me. It's written all over your face and I couldn't be happier. I hope things work out for both of you……It's time."

Harm patted her hand tucked into the crook of his arm. "Yes, it is."

They were standing in front of the Lincoln Memorial. There was a beautiful and solemn aura to this place. It was like standing in front of a holy place. A place to be reverent and reflective. They both looked across the street at the Vietnam Memorial. Neither spoke but stepped off of the curb toward the Wall. In a few moments they were in front of the name of Harm's father and Trish's husband. Harmon Rabb Sr

Trish seemed to forget Harm was with her. She walked to the spot where his name was, took off her glove and flattened her palm over his name. She pressed it down as though she were trying to absorb it into her hand. 'Harmon," she whispered. She let herself go back for a moment – just a moment when he was here with her, with them. Did he always keep a place for her in his heart; did she become a distant dream? She still had him tucked away in that secret place in her heart. She could pull him out of that place when she felt strong enough to be able to close him back off again. She didn't seem to be able to do that anymore.

"Mom?" Harm said.

Trish's heart still railed against the unfairness of it all.

"Mom?" he said again.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said. "Lost in thought."

She shivered slightly and Harm again offered his arm. "Let's get you out of this night air. It's cooling off pretty quickly at night now."

Trish nodded and took her son's arm. They walked back to Harm's SUV, and he took her back to the Willard.

"It's been great seeing you, Mom,"

Trish smiled and touched his cheek. "It has been great, hasn't it? Take care of yourself." She rested her hand on his arm and looked into his face. "I love you, son."

"I love you too, Mom." She started to go to the elevators, and then turned to say, "Keep us posted on how Mac's doing and let us know if there is anything for us to do."

"I will, Mom. Tell Frank it was great to see him and have a great time in Europe." With that they parted, Harm going to his apartment and Trish to her hotel and Frank.

0700

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm had come in early. He wanted to be sure all his case files were in order and ready for Coates to get to Sturgis. He wanted to be sure he could walk in here Monday ready for work and for whatever was coming up. McBurney and Coleman were due back today. They should be at staff call He was glad to have been with Mac but he was also ready to get back in the thick of it, as Sturgis had said. Bud would be with the CNO's office Monday. A new JAG. 'My luck, it will be a Marine,' he thought, and then he decided the idea was too ridiculous. If Gunny got back on board then he would be almost surrounded by Marines. He shook his head, thinking, 'that's not possible.'

1400

National Naval Medical Center

Bethesda, Maryland

Mac had been anxious to get out of the hospital. The nearer the time for discharge, the more anxious she became. She had brought a larger skirt for her class A's so that she would be comfortable. She looked at herself in the mirror. She was relieved to be back in uniform, if only for a little while. Captain Morrison had come through at about 0630 to prepare her for discharge. There were no staples, and her stitches would dissolve so need for stitch removal. He seemed pleased with her progress. "Colonel, do you have any questions for me before you go?" he had asked. She did not; between her visit with Cmdr McCool and the information she had gotten from he and Dr. Ahrens she had all the information she could handle right now.

Harm knocked on her door to her room and she stepped out of the bathroom.

"Hey, Marine," he said. "Ready to go?" Mac smiled and nodded.

The corpsman came in then with a wheelchair and Harm said, "Madame, your chariot waits."

Mac looked at the wheelchair and then out the open door where people in uniform were passing. She realized then she would not be standing but riding. She would not receive nor give any salute. A uniform in a wheelchair. She swayed on her feet slightly. The thought almost made her sick. This was stupid; she was going to be fine. Her pride was getting to her, she knew. She knew it was unreasonable. How many young men and women had she seen who would never get up again?

"Mac….are you alright?" Harm said as he walked swiftly toward her.

"It's nothing," she said. "Let's just get out of here."

Harm got her sea bag, and the corpsman wheeled her down stairs. A couple of sailors passing saluted Harm. They did not even see her. It was as though when she sat down in that chair she was invisible.

'Hurry, hurry,' Mac thought. They were downstairs and Harm had pulled his SUV in front where it would only be a few steps and she'd be in the vehicle and out of there.

Harm knew something was eating at her. He just wasn't sure what. He smiled at her and placed his hand over hers. She returned his smile weakly and he asked her, "Okay?"

She whispered, "Okay…let's go." With that they were off.

They were well out of Washington when Mac asked, "Harm, do you mind if we stop somewhere so I can get into something more comfortable?"

"Sure, Mac, I'm sorry. I didn't even think about how uncomfortable you must be."

He didn't know the half of it, she thought. He stopped and allowed her to change. He changed as well. Mac was relieved. They were just Harm and Mac again. They were on their way to leaving it all behind.

"Mac, something's up – do you want to talk about it?'

"Not yet. I just want to get to Pennsylvania. Tell me about how your mom is doing," she said.

He told her about going to Starbucks and their walk to the Wall. She smiled, glad for him. She had not been the only one he had closed himself off from.

"Your mother seems really nice, Harm. I'm looking forward to getting to know her better."

They hit a small bump in the road. Mac winced, and Harm asked, "When was the last time you took anything for pain?"

Mac thought and it had been about 0700 that morning. She took some of the prescription she had filled before she left the hospital. She had put the seat in the reclining position and held Harm's hand in both of hers for a few moments.

She had begun to get drowsy and talked aloud, and Harm wondered if she were speaking to him or just thinking out loud.

"Trish and Sarah are both such affectionate people. It just comes easily to them…natural." She chuckled ruefully and said, "When Dad died and I went to tell my mother he was dead, I had to ask her to hold me." She shook her head sadly. "Deanna Mackenzie was no earth mother...that was for sure," she said as she dropped off to sleep.

Harm was dumbfounded. 'My God, what kind of person has to be told to embrace their own child?' he thought. How could he have known Mac for so long and not known this?

She wouldn't let him in, he knew, but he hadn't realized how much she had suffered and how many more things were missing from her life before he ever met her. He understood now why his grandmother had gotten under her skin so quickly. He thought it had been because they were so much alike, and they were; but it was more than that.

Sarah Rabb gave her unconditional acceptance and affection that she had never had in her life. His eyes stung with unshed tears. He shook it off and focused on the road, listening to Mac's even breathing. She was going to be alright. He was going to make sure of that.

1830

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

It was dusk when Harm pulled up in front of his grandmother's house. Mac looked through the window and could see Sarah Rabb standing in the doorway. Her silver gray hair about her shoulders made her look like an angel standing there. She came immediately out the door to help Harm get Mac inside. She took one of Mac's arms and said, "Hello, Mac."

Mac nodded and smiled her half smile. She had a huge lump in her throat. She didn't understand why Sarah Rabb went straight to her heart, but she surely did. They connected in some way Mac could not define. She seemed to understand some of the things Mac felt without Mac having the discomfort of exposing her heart completely. Harm had been that way too. Mac had seen it as disinterest….she now understood that it was not. It had been a quiet understanding.

She guided Mac to her own bedroom downstairs. "Oh, Mrs. Rabb, I couldn't," Mac said.

"Nonsense," Mrs. Rabb said. "I'll move you back upstairs after you recover a little more. What happened to calling me Sarah?"

"Sarah…I usually get around better than this. I think the ride was a little tougher on my incision than I thought it would be," Mac said.

She lay down on the bed on top of the covers. Her incision was starting to throb. It was nearly time for her pain medication. She hated that she needed it at all but understood now that that would lessen as she healed. She also knew Sarah understood her fears in that regard and that she would be as vigilant as Mac would be.

Harm went to get the rest of her bags from the SUV, and Mrs. Rabb came in with a glass of water and her pain medication. Mac leaned up enough to take the medicine and drink some of the water. She was clearly in pain and Mrs. Rabb helped ease her back on the bed. She took an extra pillow she had placed on the stool near the bed and put it in Mac's arms and another carefully placed between Mac's knees. She helped Mac turn onto her right side. Mac was surprised that this positioning helped alleviate the pain somewhat. She drew a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. She took in the scent of the clean sheets and the subtle scent of apples, cinnamon and vanilla.

The lump once again formed in her throat and tears stung her eyes and nose. She didn't seem to be able to help it. She had been on an emotional rollercoaster all week. She felt so safe here. It was as though she could hand all of the worries that plagued her to Sarah Rabb without saying a word. She placed her hand over her mouth and sobbed quietly, trying to hold it in.

Sarah noticed and pulled the small stool close to her bedside and sat down. She brushed the hair from her face and placed her hand on her back.

"It's alright, Mac, you can rest now."

Mac began to cry harder and it hurt her incision. Mrs. Rabb gently pressed the pillow on her abdomen closer to Mac and said, "Hold the pillow tighter and take deep breaths. It's okay."

Mac drew a breath and let it out slowly and began to relax and compose herself.

Mrs. Rabb's hand was on her shoulder and Mac placed her hand over it. "Thank you," she said.

"Not at all. Get some rest and I'll pull something together for dinner for you two."

Harm had come in during this time and had seen the exchange between his grandmother and Mac. He sat Mac's bags down outside the door and walked back out to the front porch.

He walked over to the rail, placed is hands on it and braced his arms, crying silently. He wanted to help but he knew in this matter he could not. He now understood what Mac had meant when she said that some of the things she had blamed him for were not his fault. "Baby, baby…" He spoke under his breath. He just wanted to hold her. She was hurting, he knew, and holding her now was not a good idea.

Mrs. Rabb had come to his side and placed her hand on his back. "Harmon, are you alright?"

Harm nodded the affirmative.

"This has been tough on you both, I know." She patted him a little and asked, "Hey, would you mind checking that back door on the barn? I can't remember if I closed it or not….when you're finished, just come on in the kitchen. I've got some decaf coffee on and well get something together for dinner for you and Mac."

Harm did as he was asked, knowing that she was giving him a chance to pull himself together. He had always loved her and trusted her wisdom. Today he trusted it just a little bit more.

Chapter 27

0200

Saturday

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Mac woke slowly, feeling too warm and tangled in her blanket and pillows. Her incision was still sore but the throbbing had stopped. The house was dark. No moon tonight. Mac's eyes adjusted to the dark, and she turned very slowly on the bed to see Harm lying on top of the covers. He was scooted as far as he could go on the other side of the bed. His back was to Mac.

Mac reached across the bed and lightly touched his back between his shoulder blades. He said "Mac?" and sat up quickly on the edge of the bed. "Are you okay?"

Mac chuckled a little "I'm okay – relax, Harm. Why did you let me sleep so long?"

Harm rubbed his face with both hands and drew in a deep breath, trying to wake up fully.

"You were resting so well I didn't have the heart to wake you. Do you need anything?"

Harm heard her stomach growl about that time and they both laughed a little. "That answers my question."

They went into the kitchen, and Harm warmed some soup his grandmother had made and made her a sandwich. Mac watched Harm moving around the kitchen silently. It was still so hard to believe they were here, together.

"You still look so sleepy, Mac," Harm said, chuckling lightly.

"I'm groggy from that stupid medicine. I can't wait until I don't need it anymore,"

"Be patient, Mac, you're doing great."

Mac sighed. "I know I sound unreasonable. I just want my life back. I didn't realize how proud a person I was till this afternoon. That ride down to your car in the wheelchair nearly killed me. Those two sailors who saluted as they passed you didn't even see me. It was as though I was invisible."

"Mac," he said, placing his hand over hers.

"It was almost as though I wasn't a Marine anymore. I feel like I'm not filling my uniform. I don't know, It's hard to explain to someone who has never…" Mac stopped speaking, feeling foolish when she remembered all the injuries Harm had endured and that most of the time he was alone. "Oh, God, Harm, I'm sorry. I know you've been through a lot too."

"Mac, I want you to tell me what's on your mind. You're going through something here, something I've never been through, and I want to be there for you. Yes, I have been through a lot, but I had you when I went down in that F-14. And I had my grandmother and my mother after the ramp strike,"

"How can you say I was there for you – I was still with Mic then. And I damn near ruined your life getting into that mess in Paraguay,"

"Mac, you and I were connected, you found me. If you hadn't I would be dead. I lived to fight another day."

"Yeah… you fought with me," she said.

Harm raised his eyebrows and they both laughed. Mac winced a bit in pain. Harm went to get her medicine and she reluctantly took it.

"Mac, we're done rehashing the past. We're here right now together and that is all that matters to me, okay?" he said. Mac nodded in the affirmative. 

Mac wasn't sleepy yet but she noticed how tired Harm looked. "You need to hit the rack, sailor."

"I'm okay," he said yawning.

"Okay, look, I'm wide awake now so why don't you go lay down and I'll come get you if I need you,"

"I'm not leaving you, Mac."

Mac thought 'stubborn man.'

"At least go lay down on my bed and I'll sit out in here and do a little reading till I get sleepy. I also want you to stretch out, Harm. You were scrunched so far over on the bed I thought you were going to fall off," she said laughingly.

"I didn't want to hurt you. I was afraid I'd bump into you and hurt your incision."

"Oh, Harmon, don't worry. I don't think you could get close enough to hurt me with all the pillows stuffed around me," she said smiling slyly. He looked at her with sleepy eyes and smiled. She kissed his cheek. "Go lie down; you're just a few steps away."

'Okay, don't stay up too long. I want to spend as much time as I can with you this weekend before I have to go back." He turned and kissed her lightly on the lips, holding himself away from her, still fearing he would hurt her. He ached to hold her close. He wanted his Mac back too. He walked down the short hall and into Mac's room.

Mac sat down with one of Mrs. Rabb's Agatha Christie novels, and before she got to the second page she heard Harm snoring softly.

0630

Saturday

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Mrs. Rabb came down stairs to find Mac sleeping in the chair by the fireplace, a book in her lap. She crept into the kitchen and started the coffee. She walked back to the doorway and Mac began to stir. "Hello, young lady," Mrs. Rabb said.

"Hello…Sorry I knocked out on you both last night. My pain medicine has that effect on me, I'm afraid,"

'It's alright, Mac. Over the next week or so you'll need it less and less. You'll be your old self in no time," she said.

Mac took the book and quilt from her lap and slowly and gingerly got up from the chair. Sleeping in a sitting position was not a good idea, she found. Her incision pulled and made it difficult to stand straight up. She went to the restroom to freshen up for the day while Mrs. Rabb started breakfast.

When Mac came back into the kitchen, Harm and Mrs. Rabb were waiting for her. Harm noticed that she was slightly bent over, "You shouldn't have slept in that chair, Mac."

She frowned, "I know, I know, I just fell asleep so quickly." Harm went to get her medicine and Mac said, "No, it's not time. I just need to stay up right for a while and I'll walk around a bit after breakfast and it should feel better."

Harm frowned at her, and Mrs. Rabb said, "She'll be okay, Harm. She needs a good meal with plenty of protein and she also needs to get moving as much as possible."

Harm smiled at his grandmother. "It's been a while since you had a patient, hasn't it?"

"Yes it's been a long time, not counting you, it's been since 1985." Mac looked at them both curiously. "I started in patient care in 1943. I was what was then called a rehabilitation aide. We were nurses trained by the doctors to deal with all the orthopedic injuries caused by the war. We were really the first American physical therapists. I didn't get a license to practice physical therapy until 1968. I did what was called 'grandfathering' in. I was allowed to take the state board exam and got my license. I don't believe it is permitted now. It wasn't as lucrative a profession back then as it is now. I loved it though."

"Grandma worked at the VA hospital in Altoona not long after my dad was born," Harm said. Mac was amazed. She always sensed her strength but did not realize just how much she had accomplished in her lifetime.

Mrs. Rabb's face became solemn for a moment, "The first year back here was very tough. I had just lost David. He never saw our Harmon. It was another time in my life that I would not have gotten through if it had not been for Mary and Andrew Rabb. Mary helped me with the baby. I'm ashamed to say that the first months I did only what was necessary. I took care of my child but I did not cuddle him. I left him to Mary."

Mac said, "The first year back here? Where were you?"

"We were at Pearl. I followed David out there. He was so angry with me. I had completed my nurses training. It was only 6 months back then. I got myself orders to Pearl and off I went. David Rabb wasn't going anywhere without me."

She smiled to herself, lost in thought. "We were married two weeks after I got there. We had to wait for permission from his CO. We had about 3 months and then he got his orders to the Hornet. The mission was top secret. I only knew they were going to be flying Army bombers off the deck of a carrier. And that's how I lost him – when we bombed Tokyo in retaliation for the bombing of Pearl Harbor. I wanted to be a field nurse after that, but when I found I was pregnant I was sent back home. I went to work at the VA hospital after Harmon was born."

While they ate breakfast they talked more about Harm's grandfather, with Mrs. Rabb recalling the happier times of their lives together. Mac asked Mrs. Rabb if she and Harm could look through the box of photos she had shown her the week before.

She consented but said, "Only after you and I go for a bit of a walk. You really do need to get some exercise this morning and probably again before lunch. I'll just place it in the middle of the bed and you can stretch out. I've got my rocking chair in there and if you'll show the picture, I'll tell the story."

"Sounds great. Do you already know all the stories, Harm?"

"I know some of them. Grandma will surprise me now and then with something I didn't know. I like hearing them anyway."

With that they stood, and Mac and Mrs. Rabb put on their jackets and went for their walk down the drive. The sky was blue-gray and the fallen leaves on the green grass were a beautiful yellow-orange contrast. The colors were different from when she first came here but no less beautiful to Mac. She had truly come to love this place in the short time she had known about it.

Harm cleaned up the kitchen and took a shower while they were out. He started a fire in the fireplace and stretched out on the couch. Mac and Mrs. Rabb walked up and down the drive twice. By the time Mac finished walking, her incision was sore but she could remain upright without feeling the pulling she felt before. The air was cool and bracing. She felt exhilarated afterward. Being away from the hospital, doctors and nurses made her feel more normal.

Harm met them at the door when they walked in. "How did it go?"

Mac's cheeks were a tawny pink and she smiled beautifully. "It's cool out there, but it was nice to be outside after all that time in the hospital."

"Let's get something warm to drink and we'll get started on those pictures."

Mrs. Rabb said, 'Mac, do you need anything for pain?"

"Nope, not yet. I'm afraid I'll fall asleep and I don't want to miss anything," 

They settled in the bedroom. Harm's grandmother was in her chair on Mac's side of the bed. Mac was propped up on pillows reclining on top of her covers with a quilt thrown over her legs. The large photo box sat on the middle of the bed, and Harm was sitting on the other side on the edge of the bed, facing them both. He opened the box, and on top of one of the stacks Mac saw a picture that caught her eye. She picked up the stack and slipped the photo out of the ribbon. It was a picture of Harm Sr. holding out both arms to a pudgy little boy.

"Oh, Harm, look at you!" she said laughingly. "Those cheeks!"

The little boy in the picture had a determined look, eyes that Mac recognized immediately were fixed on his goal. She gave the picture to Mrs. Rabb, and she chuckled.

"That was when Harm was 11 months old. He and Trish had come to spend a few days. We all had a wonderful time."

The next picture was curious to Mac. It appeared to be Harm Sr. and Harm Jr. walking down her drive. They both had their backs to the camera. They looked nearly identical, little Harm dressed exactly like his father from head to toe. She handed the picture to Mrs. Rabb.

"I know, it's a little strange. They were facing away from the camera, but you see, as I said before, they have the Rabb stature. They look like my David in this way, and it struck me when I saw it and that made the picture precious to me. My David never got to see either of them but he left his mark on them both."

She nodded toward Harm and said, "He was five years old. He turned 6 that following October. They all came for a long visit before Harmon's last deployment."

Mac looked at Harm. She handed the picture to him and asked "Do you remember this?" Harm nodded in the affirmative. Mac saw love and pain and pride in his eyes. He never stopped missing his father; he probably never would. 

The phone rang, startling them all. Mrs. Rabb got up to answer it. Mac said, "Harm, I forgot your birthday. October 25th. I can't believe I did that. I didn't get you anything."

Harm smiled a sly smile "Oh, I got my birthday present last weekend….a little early."

Mac thought for a moment. They'd had a very nice Friday and Saturday night on Tilghman Island. She blushed and laughed a little. "Oh… don't make me laugh," she said.

Mrs. Rabb came in and told Harm that Sturgis was calling. Harm looked at Mac with raised eyebrows and thought, 'If he's calling something must be up.'

Harm rose and walked to the living room to answer the phone. "Hey Sturgis…"

"Sorry to do this, Harm, but I'm going to need you back in Washington first thing and be ready to catch a flight out of Andrews by 1600 tomorrow. I'll brief you further when you get back to Washington. I want you here at JAG no later than noon. A senior DOD advisor has gotten himself killed in Baghdad and we've got a Marine accused of involuntary manslaughter."

Harm said, "I'll be there."

Sturgis added, "Harm, I'm sorry about this. There is just no other way. The SecNav is all over my six and you are the most experienced attorney I have. I'll be sending Major McBurney over with you."

"Not a problem. I appreciate all you did this last week to make it easier for me, Sturgis. See you tomorrow."

He hung up and looked at Mac. He had to leave her and he didn't want to. He never wanted to give her a reason to doubt him. He walked back into the bedroom and looked directly at Mac.

"I have to leave first thing in the morning. I have to catch a flight out of Andrews tomorrow afternoon. I'm going to Baghdad."

Harm tried to read Mac's reaction in her face. "Harm…" she said. Mrs. Rabb had left the room to get Mac's medicine.

Harm didn't let her finish. "I hate leaving you now. I promised I'd be here for you and now I feel as though I'm leaving you to handle this alone."

"I'm not alone, Harm, not anymore. I was more alone at this time last year in an office full of people and you just down the hall. We are together now, Harm, aren't we?"

Harm's gaze softened as he looked at her. "Yes."

"I'm going to be fine. I'm here with your grandmother. I've never been so fussed over in my life and enjoyed it so well."

Harm walked over to her and kissed her forehead.

"I wouldn't be much of a Marine if I didn't understand when you had to deploy, Harm. I'll be okay."

Harm pulled the stool close to her side of the bed, sat down and looked at her. Mac could see his wheels turning; she said, "Stop worrying. I'm feeling stronger all the time. I may have been reading more into Captain Morrison's statement than I should but I really feel hopeful for the first time in a long time. I can face this."

"We can face this," Harm said.

Mac and Harm spent the rest of their day together, nearly every moment. She did have her walk before and after lunch. She went with Harm this time.

"I don't know why it is, but when I'm walking up this drive I have the most peaceful feeling of coming home. I feel it more here than any other place I know," Harm said.

Mac looked at him and smiled. "I feel at home here, too." Harm leaned down and kissed her cheek. They went back inside and sat in front of the fire. The box of pictures sat on a coffee table near the couch.

Mac picked up the box and opened it. "I don't know why I'm so drawn to the pictures in this box." She noticed a newer picture on the bottom of the box. She lifted it out, and it was a picture of Harm and herself taken the day of Bud and Harriet's wedding.

"You were so beautiful that day, Mac."

"You didn't look too shabby yourself, Sailor."

Mrs. Rabb walked into the room and looked over their shoulders at the picture. "Oh yes, that was the first look Trish or I had of you. All I had heard from Trish is that you were 'quite the girl'. I was so surprised that he had sent a picture that had anyone else in it…."

Mac smiled wryly at Harm and then chuckled a bit. Harm grinned sheepishly. "Hey, it was a good picture….of both of us."

"I'm honored, Harm," Mac teased.

They had a wonderful dinner. Out of the blue Mrs. Rabb had pulled out all the stops. She had roasted a turkey breast, made old fashioned dressing and even managed a pumpkin pie. Mac had never tasted anything so wonderful.

"This is great, Sarah. Harm, you'd better eat up; those MREs are waiting for you when you get to Baghdad," she said laughingly.

"Hey, I could send you some and let you share in my experience while I'm gone,"

"That's okay… I'll just let you tell me about them in your e-mails," Mac said, smiling; she had brought her laptop and now she was even more glad she had, since Harm was going overseas.

They all walked after dinner twice up and down the drive. Mac felt so much better now than she had when she first arrived. They spent the evening going through the picture box, and Mrs. Rabb gave them little stories about first one picture, then another. Mrs. Rabb rose from her chair and picked up a bundle of letters from the box. She handed them to Harm and said, "You should have these."

Harm recognized the handwriting immediately as letters from his father. "I don't want to take these from you, Grandma."

"Nonsense, I know them all by heart by now, Harmon," Mrs. Rabb said. "I think you should have them." And with that Mrs. Rabb went to bed.

Mac began to show signs of sleepiness not long after, and Harm said, "Okay, Marine, it's time you hit the rack."

"I don't want to go to sleep yet. I don't want to miss a minute with you,"

"Come on, I'll go with you and talk to you till you fall asleep," Harm said.

"Oh, I don't know," Mac smiled mischievously "The last time you did that we didn't get much sleep at all."

Harm laughed, "Hey, I'll be good, scout's honor."

He raised his hand in a scout pledge. Mac finally consented. She got ready for bed and took her pain medicine. She had only needed one dose today, bedsides her bedtime dose, so she was very pleased with herself. She lay on her side in the bed and Harm started to take his place clear over on the opposite edge of the bed.

"Harm, please don't stay all the way over there. Come and spoon with me…." The look in her eyes almosted pleaded with him.

"Mac, I don't want to hurt you," Harm said.

"You'll hurt me if you stay so far away." Mac lay back down and Harm carefully slipped in behind her, lying on top of the covers. She still fit him like a glove. She held her pillow to her abdomen but she was nestled into his arms using his arm and her pillow to rest her head on.

"That's it. Now I'm home," Mac said. Harm closed his arm around her and she kissed his forearm. 'I love you, Harm,"

He kissed her hair, "I love you, too." Harm closed his eyes and held in the tears he felt stinging there. Mac felt him holding them in but said nothing. Harm needed to be able to go. She knew it would bother him to think she knew he was having this difficult of a time. He still wanted to be strong for her, so she decided that she would be strong for him now too.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Will You Always Be There?

Chapters 28 and 29

Disclaimers as previously stated.

Chapter 28

0400  
Sunday  
Rabb Farm  
Belleville, Pennsylvania

Mac woke at 0400 exactly. Harm was still wrapped around her and he had shifted his weight more on his back and brought her with him. Her head resting entirely on his arm and his head back on the pillow but rolled toward her. He was breathing softly into her ear and down her neck.

'What I wouldn't give to be feeling better now,' she thought. "Harm." He roused slightly and rolled them both to their sides and nuzzled her neck, breathing her name. "It's after 0400, Harm. You have to get going,"

Harm didn't want to let her go; she was so warm. "Five more minutes, Mac…Five more minutes won't make any difference."

Mac smiled, loving the way he held her, she would miss him greatly. They had both slept a full 8 hours. She was glad for Harm's sake. It would be a long trip over and not a lot of opportunity for a good night's sleep once he got there. She lay there trying to memorize the way his body felt tucked in behind her. She wanted to remember the sound of his breathing and the low husky sound of his voice when he was sleepy. God, she hated being left behind. She wanted to go too. Be there for him, help him with the case, and make sure he got back here in one piece.

Just then Harm took a deep breath and said, "Okay, I'm up. I can hear you thinking all the way over here."

"Oh, really, what am I thinking?" she asked.

"That I better get my six in gear or I'll have to deal with Sturgis, and I do not want to deal with Sturgis and a trip to Iraq on the same day."

Harm got up to get ready to leave, and after he had left the room Mac got up very carefully from the bed. She raised her eyebrows and thought, 'Not too bad.' She was sore but did not need anything for pain. She made her way to the kitchen to make coffee after freshening up a little. Mrs. Rabb came downstairs and made her way to the cupboard. She took down 3 cups and a container which held her pastries. "Oh, those aren't what I think they are, are they?" Mac asked.

Mrs. Rabb smiled as she filled the cups with coffee. "Help yourself, Mac," Mrs. Rabb filled an insulated cup and placed an apple fritter in a Ziploc for Harm's trip back.

Harm came into the room just then, leaving his bag by the door. Mrs. Rabb made her way directly to him. She said, "I'll say my goodbye now, Harmon." She patted his shoulder and kissed his cheek. "I'll take good care of Mac. You just get back here as soon as you can, alright?"

"I will, Grandma, and don't worry, I'll be fine."

She smiled at him and placed her hand on his cheek. "I don't have any doubt that you will be, Harmon." And with that she left the room.

Mac stood at the kitchen sink in her pajamas and robe. She said, "What a picture I must make for you to take with you to Iraq."

Harm walked over to her and took her hand and kissed her forehead. "You look beautiful to me."

Mac looked at him, and she saw that soft look on his face that melted her heart. She wanted him to miss her. She wanted him to remember that the 'well' Mac was still in here waiting for her body to heal so she could be with him as his partner, his friend or anything else for that matter. Especially the anything else. She reached up and ran the tips of her fingers lightly through his hair and down the nape of his neck. She leaned in and kissed him with all the love and passion she could muster. She loved him; she didn't want him to forget it.

If she only knew what she did to him when she did that. Just the touch of her fingers in his hair… He held her by her shoulders and pulled her as close to him as he could without hurting her. There was such desperation in her kiss; she was afraid he would forget her, he could feel it. 'I won't forget you, Mac,' he thought. When they broke the kiss he said,

"I'll miss you." He kissed her again lightly and said, "If we don't stop this, I'll never get out of here."

"I know," Mac said and they both walked toward the door. Mac picked up the cup and Ziploc his grandmother had prepared for him. She walked him out to the SUV and waited for him to load up and get in. He rolled the window down. It was cool but Mac wanted every second.

She leaned in and kissed him goodbye. They both said "I love you" at the same time. They both laughed softly, and then Mac backed away from the vehicle. Harm started the engine and Mac continued to back away, and then she turned to walk up to the house. Harm turned the vehicle around and drove down the drive.

Mac turned to look as she went in the front door. It was predawn and she could see the taillights of his SUV as he was leaving. She watched until he was out of sight.

0830

Sunday

Interstate 76 West

Somewhere near the Maryland state line

Harm dialed Jen and Mattie's apartment. They talked about his assignment and hammered out details of managing Mattie. Tom would be available to help while Mattie was off for teacher conferences. He would also be attending Mattie's parent teacher conference. Jen would cover Mattie's basketball practice.

"Hey, tell Mattie when she gets in tonight that I'm sorry about this," Harm said.

Jen answered, "She is doing a lot better with the separations now, sir. She seems to be doing very well with her life as it is now."

"Yeah I think so too…and Jen –"

Coates interrupted him. "I know, sir, what would you do without me?"

He laughed. "Hey… enough of that, having the colonel reading my mind is enough. I can't be that be that much of an open book, can I?"

"Not at all, sir. By the way, how is the colonel doing?"

"She's great and I left her in good hands," They ended the call, and with Mattie handled temporarily, he focused on getting back to JAG and the case at hand.

1800

Sunday

Somewhere over the Atlantic

Harm settled back in his seat. He would be flying commercial to Germany, so he still had some time to get a little rest before taking a C-130 for the rest of the journey into Iraq. He wasn't even sure of what stops would be made until he reached his final destination. Baghdad. He missed Mac already, but he had to admit his adrenaline was pumping. He was ready to get started doing what he did.

This was the other place in the world where he belonged. Home wasn't always a place, though Belleville was that; it was being in uniform and doing his job. It connected him to his father and grandfather. It was as real as any place with a zip code

Major Mike McBurney sat across the aisle opposite Harm with headphones on, listening to something entirely too loud. 'God… to be 28,' Harm thought. He considered that for a moment and decided, 'No thanks'.

McBurney was accomplished, no doubt: a tour in Afghanistan with 2nd Battalion headquarters, 5th Marines. His fit reps were glowing. He was definitely on the fast track. He'd damn near landed him in Leavenworth, although he knew now his own stubbornness and stupidity had helped McBurney a great deal. He was an arrogant SOB though; he had to admit too that he reminded him a bit of himself at a much younger age. 'God…I'm getting old,' he thought with a lopsided grin.

McBurney picked that moment to look at him, lifted the earpieces away from his ears and said, "Sir? Did you say something?"

Harm was a bit embarrassed and said, "No…by the way, what are you listening to?"

He handed him the cover of his 'Los Lonely Boys' CD. "Their sound is bit like Santana or Stevie Ray Vaughan."

Harm looked at the CD and gave McBurney a smirk. "My ward has this CD and while its good there is no comparison to Vaughan. 'Heaven' compared to 'Texas Flood'? Hmmpf."

Mc Burney took the CD back and shrugged. 'Whatever'. He replaced his headphones and leaned his head back on the seat. 'Commander Rabb is a purist….big surprise,' he thought.

0430

Baghdad time

Tuesday

Green zone

Baghdad, Iraq

Harm and McBurney checked into their quarters. They decided to get some rack time before they started interviews later today at 1000. They had come in during the night, but Harm could still see the huge difference in Baghdad since the last time he had been there in 95'.

Saddam was gone and the smell of fear was out of the air. The eerie quiet that falls over a place when the slightest indiscretion could be punished by death or dismemberment, where whole families disappeared in the night never to be seen again, was gone.

The atmosphere was nowhere near peaceful, though. He saw nearly no one out on their ride from the airport due to curfews. It was not completely quiet. Something unsettled hung in the air. The Marines pulling escort duty to get them to the green zone were hyper vigilant. You had to respect them…all the Marine jokes go away when you see the level of readiness and professionalism they demonstrated, and most of the Marines on this escort were younger than McBurney.

They had been given a small office for interviews. They decided to start at the top and work their way down. First was Marine Major Matt Anderson. When he was asked to give his take on the story, he said,

"We were asked to bring Mr. Kanin along with us on patrol."

"By whom?" Harm asked.

The major answered, "General Watson, sir. We attempted to give Mr. Kanin a bit of training in how he should proceed if he were to accompany us. The word from senior enlisted was that he was less than cooperative. We met on one occasion."

When he was asked what, if anything, he did about the senior enlisted concerns about Kanin's level of cooperation, the major reported that he was not aware until after the incident. They spoke with a Staff Sergeant Timothy Mallory and Corporal Mike Salazaar. They all supported the major's report that Kanin had been difficult. It was nearly 1700 Baghdad time. They still needed to interview Sergeant Brendan Walters, the person apparently bearing the brunt of this.

They were to report to General Watson once they had completed their interviews and made their recommendations. Their interview would take place tomorrow at 0800. Rabb and McBurney settled into their makeshift office and discussed the interviews. "This can't be as open and shut as it looks," Harm said.

"So they're all lying, sir?" McBurney said, clearly taking some offense.

"No, Major, that is not what I meant at all. We just don't have the whole picture. It can't be this simple, and the SecNav wouldn't be involved if this didn't go a little deeper than we have been able to assess today."

Because Harm was the senior officer on the case, he instructed Major McBurney to have a preliminary report ready by 0630 the next morning and he was dismissed.

Harm had settled in at his desk and was e-mailing Coates to get some junior officers going on getting him some more background on Mr. Kanin. He also got an update on how Mattie was doing. Coates had been a God send once again.

Mattie and her father were going to take a long weekend in Blacksburg after her teacher conference. He had not heard anymore from her or Tom about their reopening Grace Aviation. He knew, though, that it was just a matter of time. Harm would also able to get an update on her progress at school. Her home room teacher had been kind enough to offer to e-mail a summary after their conference.

Harm had been at his computer for some time when he decided to get a little more coffee. It was definitely Marine coffee. One step above the SEAL coffee the admiral had made for Master Chief Boesch when he paid a visit to JAG. 'What was it with these guys, anyway,' he thought, shaking his head. He returned to his computer. He noticed that he had an e-mail; thinking that it was something on Kanin, he opened it. It was from Mac. It read:

"Hey sailor….just thought I'd drop you a line and let you know I'm thinking about you. Your grandmother is walking my legs off. LOL. I think I've covered this farm 10 times. I'm feeling better. I miss you though. I miss my spooning partner (smile) I know you're really busy and I won't be mad if I don't hear form you. Just hurry and get that case over with so you can get back here, sailor. I'm badly in need of your company (big wide grin).  
I love you  
Mac

Harm had only sent one e mail as soon as he got in. Short and sweet and to the point:

Hey…I made it over here in one piece. Very different from my last visit. Miss you.  
Love, Harm

He felt bad that he hadn't sent more but he also knew Mac understood. He wanted no room for error. He wanted the hell out of here and back to her ASAP. He was focused only on this investigation, and getting to the bottom of what appeared to be a more complicated case than he had imagined.

Mac crept into his thoughts, though; but then she always did. The problem now was that he didn't have to fantasize about her. The real thing was a hell of a lot harder to push out of his mind. He would never lie down in bed at night without wanting to hold her. He'd never hear rain on the roof and not remember her soft sexy laughter at their private joke about what he thought she ought to know.

He sent her a quick e-mail and told her just that. He smiled, thinking of her and then decided that was as far as he should go if he wanted to get anything else done tonight.

Chapter 29

Disclaimers: As previously stated. The people and situations written about in this story are purely fictitious and are not meant to represent any person or event.

Spoilers: Anything from may be 'loosely' referred to and any episode up to Retrial may be referred to.

0800

Green zone

Naval Brig

Baghdad, Iraq

Sergeant Brendan Walden was brought to the small room used for attorney/client conferences. He had a bandage over his right eye, and his left arm was in a cast and rested in a sling. He had numerous healing cuts on both hands and some on his face. The sergeant stood at attention and said "Sirs." Harm told him to stand at ease and then to be seated.

Major McBurney said, "How were you injured, Sergeant?"

Harm looked quickly at McBurney as the sergeant replied. "During the ambush in which Mr. Kanin was killed."

Harm said, "We'd like you to tell us exactly what happened as you saw it."

The sergeant told them that Mr. Kanin, the DOD 'advisor,' was to accompany them on their patrol on the day in question. It was explained to the advisor respectfully that he had to complete a training session in addition to the briefing he received from the senior DOD officials when he arrived. He reported that Mr. Kanin was less than cooperative.

"Permission to speak freely, sir?" the sergeant asked. Permission was granted. "Sirs, this was a mistake from the beginning. We are always prepared, we train everyday and we wouldn't allow ourselves to become complacent. Mr. Kanin had a hostile attitude toward all of us. He seemed to feel we didn't know anything and stated that he thought we 'obviously' didn't know what we were doing or the job would be done. I couldn't believe he was from the DOD. He just walked away from us. Said he would see for himself how this 'mess' was going. I followed him with the rest staying on the planned course. I saw the insurgents on the rooftop but by the time I got to him it was too late."

Harm and the major finished up the interview, informing the sergeant when asked that he would be apprised of their findings soon.

1100

Wednesday

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Mac and Mrs. Rabb walked up the drive, finishing up her morning exercise. She continued to feel stronger every day. She did not feel 100 but she was definitely improving.

She was now one week and one day post surgery. October would soon be over and she looked forward to having Harm back as soon as this weekend.

Mrs. Rabb asked, "Had enough for now, Mac?"

Mac said she was okay but that she was ready for some rest.

They went into the kitchen and sat down, each with a cup of coffee. "You're looking better, Mac."

"I'm feeling better. I wish I could just get back to work so I can feel like me again. It's strange how greedy we are with our lives. Before my surgery I just wanted to live, for my tumor not to have spread. As I begin to feel better I want more – I want my life back. I want it all. I want the doctors to tell me I'm cured."

"One step at a time," Mrs. Rabb reassured her.

Just then the phone rang and Mrs. Rabb answered it. It was Sturgis for Mac. "Mac, how are you?" he said.

"I'm fine, getting better all the time. What's up, Sturgis?'

"Two things. One, we have a new JAG starting Monday the 1st of November, and second, a bit of bad news, I'm afraid. I'm passing this on in case Harm doesn't get time to let you know. He is going to have to stay in Baghdad for at least another 3 weeks."

Mac was silent; she was disappointed but changes like this were par for the course for them in many situations. "Thanks for the call, Sturgis. Who is the new JAG, anyway?"

Sturgis answered, "General Gordon Creswell, USMC."

Mac was stunned into silence. "Mac?" Sturgis asked.

"I'm here, Sturgis."

"He wants to see you when you come in for your follow up at Bethesda. I'll transfer you to Coates to set something up." Mac set up her appointment for the following Tuesday immediately following her appointment.

Mac told Mrs. Rabb that she wanted to lie down for a while. She had moved back up to the guest room now. She went to the room and shut the door. She went to the window and looked out on the gray sky and felt as bleak as the sky looked. Suddenly every bad moment of her past had followed her to this peaceful place. Would she ever stop paying for that foolish choice? General Gordon Creswell had been a very close friend of John Farrow's. The man who was responsible for helping her get where she was today. A man whose military career was destroyed and it was because of her.

2200

Wednesday

Green Zone

Baghdad, Iraq

"What?' Harm said into the phone on his desk. He had just come into their small makeshift office to gather some additional information for his report. Sturgis was calling with Harm's new assignment.

"Sorry, buddy, you are needed there for at least another 3 weeks. You and Major McBurney will both be staying. We've got a bit of a situation there. It seems a British news magazine on the BBZ) has some footage of a Marine lt. colonel dressing down a junior enlisted man. There was a bit of chest thumping and I don't mean the lt. colonel's. The SecNav wants you involved because you're – "

"—the most experienced," they both said at once. "Great," Harm said.

"I took the liberty of letting Mac know," Sturgis said. Harm thanked him and Sturgis told him about the new JAG starting the following Monday.

"So you'll be Chief of Staff starting Monday," Harm said.

"Yes, and I have to say I'm more than ready to hand this off to the general."

They ended the call. Harm walked back toward his quarters. He passed Major McBurney's quarters on the way and told him about their extended time here. The major appeared unfazed. There was something about this kid that rubbed him the wrong way and he could not put his finger on it. It may have been his speaking out of turn this morning with Sergeant Walden. Harm was lead counsel after all. He had headphones on again.

He looked at Harm and said, "Hoobastank." Harm could hear 'The Reason' playing on the headphones from across the room.

"I know who it is, major. Goodnight." 'I know what it is,' he thought with a sarcastic smile. 'He's a smartass.'

Harm got back to his quarters and began getting things arranged for the next 3 weeks. Mattie was the priority. He spoke with Coates and Tom, and left a message for Mattie. He hadn't had an extended deployment like this since he was given her guardianship. He was once again leaning heavily on Coates. He didn't like the idea but didn't feel he had a choice. Mom and Frank were out of the country, and there was just no one else. 'Mac,' he thought. How would she get back for her follow up? He needed to talk to her and he didn't want to let her know about this by e-mail.

1530

Wednesday

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Mrs. Rabb answered the phone. "Harmon! How are you? Yes I'll get her. What time is it there, anyway? You sound tired … After midnight?..." She knocked on Mac's door.

Mac left her laptop on which she had been typing an e-mail to Harm. Mrs. Rabb said, "It's Harm." Mac sighed with relief; she really needed to hear his voice. Sunday seemed a million years ago. Mrs. Rabb said her goodbye and gave the phone to Mac.

"Hey, Sailor," she said with a smile.

"Hey, yourself."

"I wasn't sure I'd get to talk to you for a while. This is great."

Harm did not want to have to tell her that he wouldn't be home as soon as he'd planned. He wouldn't be there for her. "Mac, you may not think its great when I tell you this….I … uh; I've been extended here for at least another 3 weeks."

"Its okay, Harm. Sturgis told me earlier, and I know this happens so stop worrying about what I'm thinking." She meant to reassure him, though she had already been counting the days until he returned.

Harm had spoken with Jack Keeter, and when he heard the bind they were both in he offered to get Mac back to D.C. Mac didn't mind. 'Thank God.' He knew she couldn't be feeling too well. She never tolerated being managed before. Harm had heard the disappointment in her voice though and it reminded him of another time when he had let her down. He would never forget the expression on her face. It still pained him to think about it.

"Yeah, but now of all times. Unavoidable circumstances or not, I'm still not there for you now… This has happened before. I don't want you to think you can't count on me."

Mac laughed softly, "Harm, I'll never think that again. I want you with me but I do understand." Mac heard Harm let out a breath he seemed to have been holding. "If you're referring to that time when Mic left and Renee's father died, don't go there. You were doing the decent thing, Harm. Looking back, though I needed you, I wouldn't have very much respect for you if you had turned your back on her then. I wouldn't have trusted you."

Harm sat on the side of his rack, "I'm so glad you understand and it is so good to hear your voice." He lay down and rolled to his back.

Mac could hear him. "Getting comfortable there, flyboy?"

"Yeah, as comfortable as I can get without you… I miss you, you know?"

Mac thought he sounded so tired. She didn't have the heart to talk about the concerns she had about Creswell. It would wait. He had enough to deal with. "I wish I were there to help."

Harm could hear the smile in her voice. He cradled the phone on his ear. "Oh, so do I, Mac," he smiled slyly. "So do I."

She decided to change the subject. "How is the case going?"

"It's going okay. We've definitely got a few loose ends but I think I'll have it wrapped up soon," Harm said.

"How are you and the new kid on the block getting along?"

"Kid is right. He's an arrogant pain in the ass," he sounded completely irritated with him.

"Boys, boys … play nice," she said, chuckling.

"Yeah, I know. We have to get through this. He's extended too. This next case sounds like another political hot potato. I feel like the pc policeman, putting out fires."

"Gee, sounds like a lot of fun," Mac teased. "Sure wish I were there for that one."

Harm laughed. "Yeah yeah, your time is coming, and don't expect any sympathy from me, Marine." It seemed as though it had been such a long time since he laughed. A lot of the tension of the past 4 days started to leave him. "God, I love to hear you laugh. I haven't even asked you how you are doing?"

"I'm feeling better. We're over a week out and I really do feel a lot stronger. I don't feel like myself yet. I won't till I start outrunning you again."

Harm huffed. "You never out ran me Mac …We tied remember?"

Mac laughed at him and said, "Keep dreaming, flyboy."

Harm chuckled as he repeated a challenge made long ago. "Oh you don't want to be in my dreams, Colonel."

Mac laughed out loud and said, "Oh, yes I do."

"What, no red light, Marine?" he said.

"You'll just have to come home and find out, won't you?"

"I fully intend to."

They ended the call soon after and they both got the lift they needed.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Will You Always Be There?

Chapter 30

Spoilers: Any spoilers written about on or anywhere else are fair game. Anything up to and including "Retrial' is also fair game. This story is "loosely' based on them all

Disclaimers: I don't own any of these JAG characters they belong to Belasarius Productions. I wish I could borrow them for a season but such is life. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

A/N: Many thanks to Aerogirl for her beta reading and help with my remedial computer skills. Thanks again to all of you who are reading.

1300

Friday

Green zone

Baghdad, Iraq

Major Mike McBurney knocked on the open door of Harm's quarters. "General Watson would like to see us ASAP'"

Harm looked up and nodded. He had been expecting this. After doing a little digging Harm was able to find out that this was not the first time that Mr. Kanin had some difficulty with military personnel trying to accompany him on any mission. When his preliminary report was given to General Watson, the involuntary manslaughter charges against Sergeant Walden were dropped. He was awarded a non-judicial punishment. However, scuttlebutt was that Mr. Kanin was well connected in Washington and to the House Armed Services Committee. So Harm assumed that this was what the meeting with the general would be about.

Harm knocked and General Watson told him and McBurney to enter. They came to attention after entering the room.

"Commander Rabb, Major McBurney," the general nodded toward them. "Stand at ease. We will have a conference call in a few moments with the SecNav and Congressman Bolton. I will warn you both that the congressman is not happy about our findings in this matter."

He buzzed his yeoman and told him to put the call through. "Commander Rabb, since you are lead counsel in this matter, we will primarily address our questions to you. Congressman Bolton of the House Armed Services Committee is also present and may also ask some questions. Shall we proceed?"

Harm and McBurney both answered, "Yes, sir."

The general walked from behind his desk and around to the back of the room. Harm and McBurney stood near the speaker phone. They each answered the Secretary and the congressman in turn, supporting their argument that Mr. Kanin had a documented history of leaving military personnel who were accompanying him on a number of occasions in Afghanistan as well as Iraq.

Congressman Bolton seemed to be more and more angry with every question answered. He said, "I don't suppose Mr. Kanin's political affiliation has anything to do with what your findings were."

Harm and McBurney looked at each other and Harm said to the SecNav, "Permission to speak freely, sir?"

The congressman started to speak again, but Secretary Sheffield said "Granted" loudly and peered at the congressman over his spectacles.

"In answer to your question, congressman, I am not aware of what Mr. Kanin's political affiliation is. As far as what I may or may not believe politically is not important, I serve at the pleasure of the President of the United States and duly elected officials who represent the nation as a whole. My decisions must and always have been apolitical."

Congressman Bolton interrupted and said, "Someone is responsible for this."

Harm answered him, "Sir, we cannot charge a man who was in fact trying to save Mr. Kanin and was wounded in the process. Mr. Kanin refused to be protected or guided by anyone. He is responsible for his own death, not Sergeant Walden."

The congressman started to speak again, but the SecNav cut him off. "That will be all, gentlemen." With that he signed off.

The congressman walked up to the SecNav and said, "This is not over, Sheffield." The Secretary knew that it was not. He also understood that Commander Rabb had made a very powerful enemy.

The general, out of sight of Harm and McBurney, had been smiling. "Thank you, Commander, Major. That will be all."

Both men came to attention and said "Yes, Sir."

McBurney followed Harm down the hallway toward their quarters. 'He has more balls than I thought,' he raised his eyebrows and thought maybe it was a good thing they wouldn't be in Washington for awhile.

1630

Friday

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Mac was returning from her walk. Mrs. Rabb could see her from the kitchen window. She knew Mac had been brooding for a couple of days now. She appeared to be getting stronger but quieter. Mrs. Rabb had no doubt she was ready to be on her own. She had gradually backed away from Mac over the last couple of days, giving her what she thought she needed – some space to work this change in her life through.

They had been lucky today. It was a beautiful sunny day and it had gotten into the 60's. The air smelled of burning leaves. Fall was still in her glory. Mac thought it was her favorite time of year. She came in the door and there was coffee brewing.

"Smells great."

Mrs. Rabb invited her into the kitchen and made her a cup. She sat down with her and asked, "How are you today, Mac?"

She said that she was feeling better. She knew Mrs. Rabb could see a difference in how she had been. She was closing herself off again. She needed to talk this out and she knew Harm wasn't an option, not now. "I've had a lot on my mind. I guess you can tell."

"You have gotten quieter." Mac sighed and struggled for the words to begin. Mrs. Rabb said, "Mac, if you don't feel comfortable talking about it, don't do it. I don't want you to be uncomfortable with me."

"No, it's okay, I need to talk about this. I have had a lot on my mind since I talked with Sturgis. I have made a few mistakes in my past. Those mistakes seem to be following me. I..."

Mrs. Rabb interrupted her, wanting to put her at ease. "Remember, Mac, you don't have to give me details."

"I know – it's just this. The new JAG knows some things about my personal life … some things that happened many years ago when I wasn't making very good decisions. I am not concerned about my work at JAG. I know I've done a good job there. But the general may hold my past against me. Harm knows everything there is to know about me. I haven't discussed this with him, though. I think he has enough to deal with right now. I just want to leave this behind me and it just keeps coming up in my face when I least expect it."

Mrs. Rabb thought for a long moment. "Mac, you have to make a choice. You can leave the past behind and move on, or you can live in the past and be miserable."

She looked up quickly at Mrs. Rabb.

"I'm sorry to sound so blunt, Mac, but happiness truly is a choice. Sometimes circumstances just are what they are. The difference is how you handle them. I know it sounds simple, Mac, but it really isn't complicated. You chose to change your life a long time ago. You built a career and overcame your alcoholism; did you choose to be happy, too?"

Mac smiled at Mrs. Rabb, and she covered her hand with hers. Mac said, "I never really thought about it."

Mrs. Rabb said, "Mac, both of our parents made choices that could have ruined our lives. I had the luck to find the Rabbs and then my David. I lost him, but I was able to come back here to those wonderful people and make a home for my baby and me."

Mac shook her head. It was a different time. Things were so much different then.

Mrs. Rabb seemed to sense what she was thinking and said, "Circumstances may not be exactly the same, but they are similar enough. I have lived without a husband since I was 19 years old but I was not always alone. I didn't marry because in my time if a woman married she was very limited in what she did. A career was almost out of the question. That choice caused a lot of talk at work and at home. If I had let what some people thought about me stop me, I'd never have done anything. David's parents were wonderful; they helped make it all possible. I was able to have a meaningful career and raise my son

You've made some good choices too, Mac. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

"Thank you, Sarah," Mac said. They both stood and Mrs. Rabb refilled their cups. The sun was starting to set and they decided to walk out to the porch and watch it. It was only a little after 5 but it was getting dark.

They quietly watched the sunset and Mrs. Rabb asked, "Have you talked to Harmon about this yet?"

Mac answered "No, not yet. He has enough on his mind."

Mrs. Rabb thought for a while, "I don't want to overstep, Mac, but I will say this. You both obviously have what it takes to make each other happy, but part of being a couple is bearing each other's burdens. I have no doubt he is under a lot of pressure."

Mac spoke up, "I know I probably need to talk to him about it, but I want to be sure I have this straight in my own mind before I do that. I don't want him to worry anymore about me than he already does."

Mrs. Rabb raised her eyebrows and considered what she said. She walked over to her and hugged her. "Do what you think is best." She leaned back and looked at her. "You know, you are looking better, Mac. I think I've put a least a couple of pounds on you since you've been here."

They both laughed and went back in the house.

2230

Friday

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Mac slowly paced the room. Harm had told her he would call tonight. It would be nearly 0700 Saturday morning there. She walked to the bureau that held the pictures of his parents and grandparents. She felt as though she knew all of them. Harm's grandfather David, and even Harm senior. She had felt she known Harm's dad for a long time, since Harm had told her so much about him. She studied the picture of him and Trish. She thought, 'Oh, Harm, I want this too.' To be pregnant with Harm's child, with his arms around her, laughing, looking forward to the future.

Just then the phone rang and Mac picked it up quickly. "Hey, you're getting fast, Marine," Harm said, laughing.

"I didn't want to wake your grandmother," Mac answered. "Don't get cocky, Navy."

Harm laughed again. "Oh, come on, Mac, you know you miss me."

Mac shook her head, smiling. "Hey, stop rubbing it in. You sound good this time. Did you get your beauty sleep, Harmon?"

Harm told her he how he was doing and that he was feeling pretty good, all things considered.

"Getting along any better with McBurney?"

"Well, let's just say we're not getting on each other's nerves as much, but the day is young."

Mac laughed and thought that he was sounding more and more like an old salt dealing with a boot camp, and she told him so.

"Hey, I'm not that old," Harm said, sounding wounded.

"Oh, I was just kidding, Sailor...don't be so sensitive."

Harm told her all about his encounter with Congressman Bolton the day before.

"Sounds like you're just making new friends everywhere, Harm," Mac teased.

"Yeah, I know. I couldn't believe the nerve of that congressman, though. 'Political affiliation.' What was that? I haven't had to deal with that since… I don't know when."

Mac remembered. "It was around the time you made commander."

"Oh yeah, the Washington Globe, how could I forget?"

Mac told him about her day. She told him about the talk she had with his grandmother. The new JAG was a big concern for her and she was going to have to face it. It loomed too large for Harm not to know about it.

"Mac, that's ancient history."

Mac was quiet for a moment. "It was a huge mistake, Harm. Even if we didn't see each other until I was no longer in his chain of command. I just feel responsible for ruining his career – and he really did help me, Harm. I might not have gotten into law school without his recommendation. You said it yourself."

Harm cringed; he remembered what he had said. It was one of a number of conversations with Mac he would love to take back.

"You want the truth, Mac? I acted like an ass and I know it. I wanted you to want me and I didn't think you gave me a second thought. I knew how to get under your skin and I did. I'm sorry."

Mac said, "Yeah, like my comment about Sergei and Mattie last spring. Words that I would love to take back if I could." They were both silent for a moment. Then Mac said,

"You know, Harm, if we get as busy doing the right things in this relationship as we did the wrong things, we might just be unstoppable."

They both laughed at that, and Harm said,

"I want you to do something for me, Mac."

He made his very detailed request and she agreed. They talked for a few minutes more. She heard McBurney come in and he said, "Well, I have to go..."

Mac smiled and decided to give him a hard time just one more time before she hung up. In her sexiest voice she murmured into the phone,

"Baby, I love you," and then laughed, her laugh eliciting an automatic blush from Harm.

'Oh, he was going to get her for that.' Harm couldn't keep the smile from his face.

"Ah...you too." He heard her laughing as he hung up the phone.

McBurney looked at Harm and said, "Colonel MacKenzie?"

Harm stood and busied himself with some papers on the table. "Are you ready to get started?"

Harm had asked her if she had brought her walkman with her. She had. He told her to get a CD he had left in the room he had slept in when he was there the last time. He hadn't left the cover; it was on the dresser.

She looked at the CD. Stevie Ray Vaughan He had told her to listen to the fourth song. It was called 'Pride and Joy.' She put on her head phones. She heard blues guitar… of course. Mac thought, 'definitely Harm music.'

Then she heard the words: "she's my sweet little thing, she's my pride and joy, she's my sweet little baby I'm her little lover boy' She started laughing out loud. She covered her mouth so she wouldn't wake Mrs. Rabb. She thought 'God, I love that man.' She literally laughed until she cried.

Chapter 31

Disclaimers: As previously stated

1845

Saturday

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Jack Keeter slid from behind the wheel of his Chrysler 300. He had just bought it. This trip was the perfect opportunity to see what this baby would do. She did not disappoint. He made excellent time from Washington.

He walked up the steps, thinking how this place had not changed since the last time he was here. What had it been…10 years? He had come after Diane had been killed. He had heard through the grapevine about her murder and he hadn't hesitated.

As he approached the door, Mrs. Rabb opened it. "Jack Keeter! Get in here!" she exclaimed. Jack scooped her up into his arms and swung her around as she pounded him on the back.

"Sarah Rabb, you haven't changed a bit since the last time I saw you." Jack put her back down on her feet.

Mrs. Rabb laughed and said, "Stop lying, you rascal. Come on in."

Mac heard the commotion downstairs and came out of her room.

Jack looked up at Mac and he hoped he did not show his surprise at the difference in her appearance. He had not seen her since their return from Iran at least 5 years ago. She was still beautiful, no doubt about that, but she was so much thinner. Mac had never looked fragile before, not to him.

When she saw him she called to him, "Jack!"

He bowed at the waist and said "At your service, ma'am."

She walked down the stairs and carefully hugged him. "Don't get carried away there, Keeter, I'm still healing."

He chuckled and said, "Never fear, ma'am."

They went into the kitchen, and since they had all eaten dinner, Mrs. Rabb made coffee and served apple pie she had made that afternoon.

"Please help us eat this pie, before I eat another piece," Mac said, laughing.

Keeter looked at her and said, "You could use a few pounds anyway, Mac."

Mac looked at him directly and said, "I'm okay, Jack. I'm getting better all the time."

Jack smiled. "I'm glad to hear it."

"Thanks for helping us out on this, Jack, and thanks for the use of that cabin the other weekend. We had a great time."

They talked about the cabin and about Dogwood Harbor, and Jack laughed out loud at the story Mac told about Harm meeting Secretary of Defense in a bookshop.

0545

Sunday

Green zone

Baghdad, Iraq

Harm lay awake on his rack. He had been asleep and a dream had brought him wide awake. He had been required to take an anti-malarial medication and had been warned about nightmares. This one was a doozy.

He was walking through a room; everything seemed to be blue and hazy. There were people in the room; they all looked sad and seemed to pity him. He looked back at them. Bud and Harriet were there, the admiral, Admiral Boone and Gunny. He was walking toward something, an open area, and then he saw it. It was a casket. It was open but he could not distinguish who was in it. It couldn't be Mac. No!

He woke up in a cold sweat. He had been lying there for some time, trying to calm himself down. He decided that he needed to call Mac. He rose from his bed and dressed and walked down to their office.

Mac answered and he inwardly heaved a sigh of relief.

"Hey," he said, trying to sound casual.

"Well, hello. I didn't expect to hear from you so soon, Sailor. You and Jack Keeter in one day. I don't know if I'm up to that."

Harm laughed a bit though he was still feeling uneasy as a result of his nightmare. "Hey, great. I'm glad he made it. Can you put him on for a moment?"

"He's asleep right now. I can hear him snoring from here." Mac took the portable phone out in the upstairs hall and held it out. Harm could hear Keeter snoring through the phone line. He laughed and told Mac it was not important.

"You're up pretty early on Sunday morning, Harm."

Harm told her about the medication and that he had a nightmare. He did not tell her what it was about, though.

"You sound tired," she said.

"I'm okay, I'll just be glad to be home. Tell me about your day, Mac. I think I just want to hear your voice. Read the phone book to me…anything. I just miss you."

Mac was genuinely touched and she did talk until Harm seemed to sound more like himself again. They talked about Monday; it would be a busy day. She would follow up with Captain Morrison, see Commander McCool and then see the new JAG, General Creswell.

"Hey…uh… Mac, I know you're ready to get back to your apartment, but I really need your help with something. Do you think you could stay at my place and keep an eye on Mattie for me?"

Mac was silent for a moment. He prayed she hadn't figured out that what he really wanted was for Jen and Mattie to look after her.

"I really feel bad about leaning so heavily on Coates."

Mac had been ready to get back to her own apartment, but at the same time she wasn't ready to be completely alone yet. The surgery had left her feeling vulnerable in a way she never had before.

"I can do that, Harm. Maybe chauffeuring around a teenager will make me appreciate all my paperwork at JAG," she said, chuckling.

Harm was so relieved he let go of a breath that he didn't realize he was holding.

Mac knew what he was up to. "You know, sailor, you're not that slick,"

"What?" he said innocently.

"I know what you're doing, Harm, and it's okay. I think I need to transition into being completely on my own. Your grandmother has given me a lot of space here. I will be on my own at your place but Coates and Mattie will be right next door. It will work, Harm. By the time you get back I'll be fine."

Harm was quiet, and then he said, "Mac, I really do need your help with Mattie."

He could hear the smile in her voice when she said, "I know. Yeah, Harm, I'll be sleeping in that nice big bed….all by myself."

"Ha ha, just wait – I'll be back and you…"

Mac interrupted, "What, Harmon?"

"Hey, I owe you one anyway, Mackenzie."

Mac knew he meant their last phone call. "I don't understand, Harm, didn't you want me to tell you that I love you before I hung up?" she said laughingly.

"You know very well what you did," he said. Mac laughed in earnest. She loved to mess with him, and if he were honest he would say he loved it too.

They ended the call not long after with Harm wishing her sweet dreams. He had nearly forgotten his nightmare, damn that stupid medication.

1300

Sunday

Interstate 76 east

Somewhere in Pennsylvania

Jack decided that since he had 'precious cargo' he had better drive at the speed limit. Mac had told him about her phone call from Harm. He was sorry he had missed him. He looked over at her, expecting to see her sleeping. She was looking at him, smiling.

"Well, hello, sleeping beauty" Jack teased her.

"Hey," Mac said.

"Ready to get back, Mac?"

She nodded, "Yeah, but I won't be back at JAG for about 4 more weeks. Getting back to my life in Washington is a good thing, though."

"Mrs. Rabb is a great lady, isn't she?"

"Yes, she is. It has made a lot of difference for me to be able to go out there and recuperate. It's almost a different world there on that farm."

Jack nodded. "Yeah, Harm goes out there almost every time he needs to get away. I can't say I haven't enjoyed my visits there. Mrs. Rabb made me feel as though I were a member of the family. She can be blunt, but when you know she genuinely likes you, you can't seem to feel insulted by it."

Keeter laughed and said, "She told me once, 'Jack, you are a lovable rogue. The kind of man that every woman loves and thanks God every day that he isn't her husband.'"

Mac laughed out loud. 'I'm sorry, Jack, but I think she's got you pegged."

Jack nodded, smiling. "I can imagine Harm is ready to get back. Iraq is a hell of a place to be right now."

Mac looked at him and asked, "Are you still flying for the Company, Jack?"

"Who told you I flew for the Company?" he answered and smiled slyly. "I am an independent agent. I work for myself as long as I want to and then I move on to something else."

Mac sighed. "Okay, Jack."

He wanted to change the subject so he thought he would begin on what he thought would be Mac's favorite subject. "So when are you two going to make honest people out of each other?"

"What?" Mac answered, incredulous.

"Oh, come on, Mac. Harm has been smitten since the first time he saw you. I can't believe you two have waited this long. I know it has to be some kind of record."

"Okay, Jack Keeter, just because you accompanied me across an Iranian desert doesn't mean I'm baring my soul to you – or Harm's either, for that matter."

He looked at her and huffed. "I was a perfect gentleman on that trip, if you remember."

She did and said, "Yeah, you knew I would hurt you, and if I didn't Harm would."

"Well now, Sarah, why do think that was?"

"Come on, Jack, we were best friends at that time, nothing more. It wasn't long after that Harm returned to flying,"

"Yes, I remember, and I also remember that he turned down a plum assignment on the west coast so that he could come back to JAG after he left the Seahawk."

Mac looked at Keeter and sat up straighter in her seat. "What did you say?"

Jack raised his eyebrows and thought typical Harm – he never told her. He shook his head. "Oh no, I'm not saying any more if Harm didn't tell you. I'm not saying anything else."

Mac adjusted her seat and sat up. She looked at Jack and gave him her most threatening stare. "I may be recovering from surgery, but I can still hurt you, Jack."

He did a double take and Mac laughed a little. "Had you there for a minute, didn't I?"

"Really, Mac, I don't know much more than that. I just know he came back to be near you,"

"He told you that?" she asked.

"No, Mac, he didn't. He just didn't deny it. I've known him since he was seventeen years old. He may be eloquent in the courtroom, but you know as well as I do he isn't the most direct person in the world when it comes to things like that."

She did know that now, but she hadn't then. If she had only known, so many things might have been different. She shook her head to clear it. Harm was right, no rehashing the past. They both decided it was time to lighten the conversation a bit and they did. It was a pleasant trip home with Jack Keeter his charming roguish best.

2140

Harm's apartment

North of Union Station

Mac had been tired and slightly sore from her trip back to Washington. Jack had been great helping her get everything into Harm's apartment. She had left a note on Mattie and Jen's door and let them know she was there. Mattie came in for a quick hello about 2000.

Mac took a shower after she left and made herself a cup of tea.

'This was a good idea,' she thought.

She had missed Harm so much. He was everywhere here in this apartment. She walked around the room and saw his leather jacket hanging near the door. She walked over to it and lifted it from the peg. She wrapped both arms around it and buried her nose into it, breathing in his scent. On impulse she wrapped herself in it. It was huge on her and she didn't consider herself a petite woman. How he would laugh if he could see her now.

She got ready for bed and slipped in, beneath the comforter. He had done such a good job with this place. She pulled one of the pillows down and into her arms. She loved his bed. She felt safe and warm, and though she missed him was so happy to be where she was.

She had a lot to face tomorrow but she was not worried. She would take everything as it came. No more borrowing trouble,' as Mrs Rabb had said. She was alone but she felt so close to Harm. Her eyelids were heavy and before she knew it, she fell into a deep sleep.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

Will You Always Be There?

Chapter 32

Disclaimers: I don't own these characters. I do not own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. This story is purely fictional and is not meant to represent any situation or person living or dead

A/N: Thanks again to all of you who are reading. Thanks you to Aero girl for making me look good.

A/N: KEEP IN MIND: This story was begun last fall; these chapters in particular were written in October and November '04. Any similarities to current events were not intentional.

Spoilers: Anything up to Retrial and some of the spoilers is fair game. Though as in previous chapters, I have my own take on the sequence and circumstance of events.

1100

Monday

National Naval Medical Center

Bethesda, Maryland

Mac left Commander McCool's office feeling ready for battle. She was not angry but she felt ready for whatever might happen during her upcoming meeting with General Creswell.

Her first appointment was at 0900 after having her fasting blood work done for Captain Morrison and for Dr. Ahrens at Johns Hopkins. The captain seemed pleased with her progress but as always appeared cautiously optimistic. Depending on the results of her blood work, she would be returning in two weeks if all testing was within normal limits. If there were some concerns she would be returning sooner and also be required to undergo an Octriatide scan to further assess her condition.

Commander McCool was also pleased with her progress. They picked up their discussion about what she wanted from her life. Mac was surprised that her answers were as simple as they turned out to be. She wanted a permanent relationship with someone who loved her. She wanted to continue her career and she wanted a family. Commander McCool asked her how she intended to have that family.

"We really don't know yet. I still want very much to have a biological child with Harm. We haven't really discussed it at length, but I know he won't agree to anything that will put me at risk. Captain Morrison has already said that there is a higher risk of a return of the tumor if I conceive too early."

"How do you feel about that?"

"You told me to think about what I really wanted and not what I thought other people wanted. This is one of the things I want. I have dreamed of this child for over five years."

"What else do you want for yourself?" Commander McCool pressed her further.

"I want to continue my career in the Marines. I am a good Marine. I am a good lawyer if I do say so myself. I want to be happy."

"Do you have an idea what will make you happy?"

"It makes me happy to be a part of Harm's life. I feel closer to him than I ever have, really closer to him than I have ever allowed myself to be with anyone. I want to be a part of his family and I want to make one of our own together."

"Does Harm know that you feel this way?"

"I know that he loves me. I know he is there for me. We haven't discussed marriage but we have discussed children together and always being there for each other That is really enough for me right now."

"What are you proud of, Colonel?" The commanders asked changing the direction of the discussion.

"I am proud that I am a Marine, that I am a JAG attorney. I came a long way from that trailer park outside Camp Pendleton."

"What are you proud of personally?"

Mac was quiet. Commander McCool studied her for a moment, giving her time to gather her thoughts. Mac, who was seated on the couch, stood and walked across the room. She looked out the window.

"I can't think of many things that I'm proud of personally."

Commander McCool frowned and said, "Your relationship with Chloe? What about your role in helping her find her father? You have many friends, Colonel. You must be a good friend to the people in your life."

"I am most of the time. I can't say I've let very many people in, in the past year or so."

"You've been through some pretty extraordinary circumstances, Colonel. Your friends have understood that, surely."

Mac thought of her confrontation with Sturgis, of the terrible things she had said to and about Harm. She knew both situations were resolved but guilt still niggled at the back of her mind.

"Yes they have, or I think they do now. Mrs. Rabb told me something last week that I haven't been able to forget, she said that I had to choose between living in the present and being happy or living in my past mistakes and being miserable."

"Good advice," the commander said. "Colonel, our time is up for now. I believe you are making very good progress. I think you still need to work on how you see yourself personally. I believe your ability to allow others into your life is working in your favor."

They stood and walked toward the door of Commander McCool's office. "I would like you to consider this and we will discuss it at our next session. Your health issues have made you look at your life differently and that has been a good thing. It seems to have helped you focus on what is important to you now. Your condition is such that you must view it with a realistic eye, but it is also important that you plan to have a long life. It is important to your health physically as well as mentally. Where do you intend to be in 5 years? In 10 years? I want you to plan in detail."

Mac shook her hand and said, "Thank you, Commander"

She walked down the hallway and a junior officer acknowledged her with a nod and a "Ma'am" She returned it. She drew a deep breath and thought, 'I'm still me.' As she walked toward the exit to her car, she felt a surge of pride and something she couldn't quite name. She was ready to see the general now.

1300

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

General Creswell sat at his desk. He had been reviewing Colonel Mackenzie's service record with interest. She had an exemplary career. Her evaluations had been stellar from the beginning of her career until now. Her record also held references to an incident that ended the military career of his oldest friend. He could not honestly say he didn't have very strong personal feelings about Colonel Mackenzie's role in that fiasco. He also knew that John also had a responsibility to do the right thing and he had not. He'd disobeyed a direct order and gotten himself assigned to commanding a maintenance detail at Quantico. The incident with the colonel's 'husband' was the last nail in the coffin. Colonel Mackenzie was waiting to see him. He sat back in his chair and steepled his fingers. He had always seen himself as a fair man. He never claimed to be easily swayed in his opinion, but he knew that he had always been honest and he had always been fair.

The general buzzed Coates. "Send in Colonel Mackenzie, Petty Officer."

Mac walked into the office and came to attention. The general stood behind his desk as she entered. He walked around his desk. He was a very imposing figure. His aura spoke strength without his having to say a word. Mac steeled herself inwardly. She could not help but respect who General Creswell was, but she did not fear him. After fearing cancer and the loss of her very life, anything else seemed smaller in comparison. She was still here and she would 'live to fight another day.'

"At ease, Colonel. What is your medical status as of today?"

"Sir, I am to remain on medical leave for the next 4 weeks, with a follow-up in 2 weeks with my oncologist and also an endocrinologist who is following my case from Johns Hopkins."

"Very well." The general walked toward the fireplace. Mac continued to face forward. "Colonel, we will not dance around this issue but we will discuss this only once, is that understood?"

"Yes sir."

"I am aware of certain incidents in your past that involve a very close friend and comrade. I have strong personal feelings about these incidents, all of which I intend to keep to myself. Your record here at JAG is exemplary and I see no reason that would indicate that you will not continue to perform at that level. However, I will be replacing you as Chief of Staff. You health status being in question makes it necessary to get an officer in place who can give one hundred percent."

The general walked back to his desk and stood behind it. He did not sit down. "I have spoken to Admiral Morris about the possibility of your joining them on the judiciary. He says that you performed your duties well and that he thought you would be an asset." He paused for a moment and said, "Your thoughts on the matter, Colonel?"

Mac had expected being replaced as Chief of Staff. "Permission to speak freely, sir?"

"Within reason, Colonel."

"Yes sir. I expected to be replaced as Chief of Staff and I did enjoy my time serving on the bench. I would like to continue to be a part of JAG as long as my health will allow. I will accept your judgment in these matters. I would also like to say, sir, that I regret some decisions I made personally but I am proud of what I have been able to accomplish. I appreciate your candor in this matter, sir."

"Very well, Colonel. You are dismissed."

"Sir." And with that Mac left the room. She walked through the bullpen, nodding to Bud and Sturgis as she headed for the elevators. She was not upset. She actually felt as though a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Whatever happened now, she was going forward. The good work she had done here could not be undone by anyone.

2240

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Mac lay back on the pillows.. She loved this bed. This room was perfect as well. Neat and clean and very very masculine. What a day it had been. She'd come home from her meeting with General Creswell, got a shower and passed out. Jen and Mattie brought dinner at around 1700. It was some kind of casserole. It tasted good but she could not for the life of her say exactly what was in it. Mattie stayed and did her homework. She and Mac had some hot chocolate and had a little bit of girl talk. There was a boy that Mattie called kind of a boyfriend. Harm was really going to like that, she thought, smiling. She suspected that Mattie had stayed to keep an eye on her. The phone rang then, pulling Mac from her reverie.

"Hey, sailor."

"Hey, Marine, how did it go today?"

"A lot better than I expected."

"That's great, Mac. How about the other two appointments?"

She told Harm about both of them. She spoke more in general terms when she talked about Commander McCool. She didn't want to get into the baby issue with him now.

"How is it going with you?"

"Okay. We're just getting started, really. There are a lot of people to talk to. The press in Britain is all over this, so that doesn't help. You sound tired; are you okay otherwise?"

"I fine but I am tired. I can't believe I'm still awake. I haven't needed any strong pain medicine today. I have some over the counter stuff that seems to be covering things just fine."

Harm was worried that Mac wasn't more upset about losing her Chief of Staff position. Was she hiding her true feelings from him? "So you're going back to the bench, huh?"

"Yeah, maybe you were right. I do know the law."

"I respected you in that role, Mac."

"Yeah... after a few bumps in the road," Mac said, smirking.

Harm laughed. "Yeah, we had those, but I did apologize and I even told you in front of the admiral that I knew you were better at that particular aspect of the law than I was."

"Yes, you did. I will miss the investigations and working on cases with you. We do make a beautiful team."

"I have to agree, counselor…I mean, your honor." Harm chuckled. "We're still connected in our work and other things now."

"Oh…what other things, Harmon?"

"Don't start, Mac – you know what I mean." Harm chuckled deep in his chest.

"Yes, I do. I just couldn't resist giving you a hard time."

Mac was really starting to sound sleepy. He knew he should go and let her go to sleep. He just needed to talk a few more minutes. He had left her many times before but never had he felt the tug at his heart and body as he felt now. He had missed her before, but they were connected in a way they had never been in the past.

"Hey, I'd better let you get to sleep."

"It's okay, Harm. I don't have to get up early tomorrow."

"No, I'd better go. I have a meeting with McBurney in about 10 minutes, and besides, that sleepy sexy voice of yours is killing me."

"Oh, Harmon," she growled. "You've given me another weapon against you."

"Fire away, Mac," he said. Mac could hear the smile in his voice.

They hung up shortly after that. Harm sat at his desk for a moment. He thought about why their connection was so different now, so strong. He was hers body and soul now. He remembered something Annie Pendry had said about her husband Luke. He had been afraid of her reaction to rumors about Luke being unfaithful. She dismissed them out of hand because, she said, "I was his and he was mine." He remembered that he didn't think he would ever be able to feel that sure of anyone.

He did now.

Chapter 33

0830

Friday

Green zone

Baghdad, Iraq

Harm was reviewing the case file in front of him. This was not going to be an easy task. He had finished his interviews with the junior officers under Lt. Colonel Alexander Gregg's command. The consensus was as had been reported before. He had been verbally and physically abusive.

NCIS had also performed an investigation. It seemed that along with the allegations of abuse of his subordinates there were also accusations of prisoner abuse. The conversation with Gibbs had been interesting. The prisoner abuse was unfounded. It seemed that the prisoners didn't like disrobing for medical exams. Gibbs had said, "They didn't like the 'turn your head and cough' routine." Harm smirked at the thought and shook his head.

The hell of it all was that these men had fought with honor and distinction on the battlefield. Their valor would be tainted now by what had been seen on television and by a prison scandal that had nothing to do with them. In the minds of some people they would be tarred with the same brush.

Major McBurney knocked on the open door. "Sir, General Watson would like to see us now."

Harm looked up and thought to himself 'what now?'

They were summoned into General Watson's office and came to attention.

"At ease, gentlemen. As you may be aware, Colonel Gregg's unit is set to return to the States on the 8th. They will be aboard the Saipan. You gentlemen will accompany them and complete your interviews with senior and junior enlisted personnel. You will forward your report to Lt. General Marcus, the Expeditionary Force Commander."

Harm's heart sank. He'd thought he might be able to get out of here a bit early. He planned to get a lot of the interviews complete this weekend. It would be at least two weeks until they docked in Norfolk. 'Damn,' he thought.

"Sir, May I ask the reason that we need to conduct the interviews aboard ship?" McBurney asked.

Harm was wondering the same thing but had not thought it prudent to ask. He thought he already knew the reason anyway.

The general looked from McBurney to Harm.

"You may. It is my opinion, Major, that the interviews would be better conducted out of this war zone with the men having time to gain a bit of perspective. Is that clear enough, Major, or would you like me to elaborate?" The general gave the Major a penetrating stare.

McBurney swallowed and replied, "No, sir."

They were dismissed and headed back to their office. They both sat down without saying a word. McBurney knew he had overstepped but he also knew that he was not satisfied with the answer he had been given. He looked at Harm. Harm returned the look and said,

"Okay, Major, spill it."

McBurney got up from his chair and walked across the room. He closed the door to their office. "I still don't understand why we have to conduct those interviews aboard ship. It seems suspicious to me. There is so much scrutiny on this case; why would he want to do something that might throw up a red flag to the press?"

"There are a number of reasons that I can think of. One may be separating the interviews officer from enlisted may be a way to ensure that the men speak freely. Another reason may be because the press is all over this; we can control the environment in which we gather the testimony so that we can get a clearer picture unencumbered by fear of television cameras."

Harm continued, "The general had ordered that the report not be released and that it would go straight to the Expeditionary Force commander. This would also lessen chances of leaks to the press before the report was complete."

It was a good plan, and in the end, the major understood and grudgingly agreed.

They had to get their gear together and be ready to catch the ship by 1200 tomorrow. He had to call Mac. He would wait, though, until he could focus on their conversation. They hadn't spoken since Monday. They'd sent a few e-mails, but he needed to talk to her one more time before he left.

2315

Friday

Harm's apartment

Mac sat on the bed Indian style. She had spread a newspaper out on the blankets and was reading. She had bought the paper earlier and had not had time to read it. Jen and Mattie had dropped by and invited Mac to the movies with them. They had seen 'Alexander'; it was a good movie. They went for coffee, or hot chocolate for Mattie, afterward. It was a typical misty night in November. She missed Harm. She wanted to take a long walk with him, her arm linked in his, walking in step.

The phone rang, startling her. She looked at the clock. It had to be Harm. She swore she could tell by the sound of the ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Mackenzie, what are you doing up so late? It's way past your bedtime." Harm chuckled. He had finally finished everything and now he could just kick back and talk to Mac for awhile. He had 90 minutes left on his calling card. It was nice to be in the JAG office with easier access to phones, he was fortunate and he knew it.

"How are things going, Harm? Tell me you're almost finished and you're on your way back…right?" Harm could hear the smile in her voice. He hoped she would understand what he had to say next.

"Well, that's just it. I have to take the Saipan back to Norfolk to complete our interviews."

Mac was quiet for a second.

"Mac?"

"I'm here. I'm just thinking, that's all. I'm trying to figure out what day that will get you back here. It should be early Thanksgiving week if we're lucky." She did understand and at least now they had a light at the end of the tunnel. He was on his way and that was all that mattered to her right now.

"You're okay with this, then?"

"I'm fine, I would love to have you home sooner but I do understand. From what you've told me, I knew this wouldn't be a walk in the park. I also don't want you to rush back here on my account and risk…..anything." She was thinking of Harm's crash into the Atlantic when he tried to get home when she insisted he be there.

Harm heard the hesitation in her voice and spoke to reassure her. "It really is for the better as far as the report is concerned, although McBurney almost got his ass chewed out by General Watson when he asked him why we needed to take the ship back." Harm chuckled. "It's nice to see him getting on someone else's nerves besides mine. And Mac, I'm not risking anything. I'll be back before you know it." He paused for a moment and asked the question that nagged him from time to time, especially now. "Any regrets about that time, Mac?"

"You mean the crash? Well, I have a few. I regret that you were hurt so badly and that I pressured you to come back. And that it took the crash for me to realize that Mic didn't have my whole heart. I don't believe he would have handled this well. He always said the right words but he just wasn't very deep emotionally."

'No kidding,' Harm thought.

"I'd just never had that kind of love at that point, so I didn't realize anything was missing until your crash. I was so upset and afraid I'd never see you again. He spoke supportive words and then immediately tried to smooth things over and go on with the wedding as though nothing earth-shattering had happened. I knew then that I had more of an emotional investment in you than I wanted to believe. I think Mic knew it too."

"I'm sorry, Mac. I'm not sorry that you didn't marry him. I'm sorry that you were so hurt by it all. It seems that the pain from that time started us on the wrong path and we just kept going."

"We're not there anymore, sailor," Mac said. "Hey, this little cruise will give me a little more time to get better before you get home. I think I may try and do a little running at the fitness center. Indoors, to start with, so I can get my legs under me again."

"Thanks for the visual, Mac. I've been thinking about those legs quite a lot lately."

"I'm glad to hear it. I feel kind of bad. Me in my frumpy bathrobe before you left."

"I told you, Mac, you looked beautiful to me, and besides, I have a lot of memories of you in different stages of dress. Hey, that bathrobe pales in comparison." Harm laughed softly into the phone.

"I feel bad that we didn't have much time before my surgery and I haven't been in the best shape. I'm not the way I had hoped to be if you and I ever got together."

"Mac, I will never forget our time together. We finally crossed the divide. We're not going back to the way it was before. I wouldn't trade anything for that weekend we had on Tilghman Island. I can wait for you, Mac. As long as you need me to. I was alone for a long time before that."

Mac suspected he had been. She knew it was selfish but she was so glad. He was hers and she wanted to believe he had been for a long time.

0645

U.S.S. Saipan

Somewhere in the Atlantic

Harm had been awake nearly an hour. He was finishing up his report. It had been over two weeks since he had talked to Mac. They were one day and a wake up away from Norfolk. He was taking a hop out of NAS Norfolk to Andrews. Mac was going to pick him up there.

He had completed his report and it looked as though the lieutenant colonel would be fired from his position. It was a shame. He was well thought of by his junior enlisted men. Harm had heard over and over again that Lieutenant Colonel Gregg had done his job better than anyone else could have and that he kept casualties to a minimum. Many of the senior enlisted thought that the allegations were politically motivated. The truth was somewhere in between. The fact remained that in the present climate, the BBZ video was damning and it left the unit open to unfounded accusations of abuse. He would be awarded nonjudical punishment with a punitive letter of reprimand in his record. It was a career killer to be sure. The colonel had been a rising star in the corps and now his new position would be mediocre at best.

He saw that he had an e-mail and opened it. It was from Mac, and it read:

Hey Sailor,

Saw Captain Morrison and Commander Fletcher. Doing well.

Lots to tell you when you get home.

I love you.

Green light, Commander

LOL

Mac

Harm sat back in his seat and stared at the message. A smile spread slowly across his face.

If that meant what he thought it did, it was going to be a great homecoming….Indeed.

1530

Andrews Air Force Base

Langley, Virginia

Harm had started looking for Mac as soon as they touched down. He saw her as he got out of the plane. She stood just inside the doorway of the reception area. She was not in uniform. She wore a skirt and sweater in a beautiful shade of amber. The sun was shining, making her hair to appear a rich chestnut color. He could have sworn he could see the cinnamon brown of her eyes. His mouth went dry. She was walking toward him, smiling radiantly. She embraced him and he kissed her cheek. He tucked her under his arm and hugged her close. He was careful not to press her too closely. He was holding on to his self control by a thread. He had missed her so much. Now seeing her, having her close and the scent of her perfume… it was almost sensory overload. She was so beautiful and she felt so good in his arms. He stroked her arm and kissed her temple as they walked. He wondered if she could feel his heart hammering in his chest. He knew that he could hear it pounding in his ears.

Mac hugged him close after he had kissed her. "Hello, you," she said.

She thought he looked almost shy when she looked up at him. She knew then he was trying to stay in control of himself. She understood that now. They had to have dinner at home with Mattie and then send her off with Tom tonight. It was Thanksgiving break. That would leave them the long weekend to catch up. She could feel his heart beating against her side as she walked with him and a slight tremor in his touch as he stroked her arm.

They got into Harm's SUV which Mac had driven to pick him up. Harm wanted to drive. 'It will give me something else to think about and something to do with my hands,' he thought. Mac slipped into the seat beside him and closed her door. He didn't look at her. He didn't trust himself to. He took her hand and held it on his thigh.

Mac smiled at him. Oh, if she weren't trying to be nice, she could really mess with him now. 'I already got him with the skirt,' she thought with a mischievous grin.

They were nearly to Harm's apartment. Harm still had Mac's hand in his; he was tracing the bones in her hand from her wrist to her fingers using his thumb. He was pressing harder and harder the closer they got to his apartment. He pressed too hard and Mac winced.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Mac."

They had pulled into his parking place at his apartment. He had to look at her then.

"It's alright, Harm." Their eyes locked for a moment and then he looked at her lips.

"Mac, if I don't get out of here I'm not going to be able to get through this afternoon with Mattie and Tom."

"I know," she said. She looked a little wistful.

'Just one kiss, we can do that,' he thought. Harm looked at her and said, "Just one, baby."

When he kissed her, her lips felt so soft and full. He just wanted inside; he deepened the kiss and felt his control start to slip. Mac drew back and looked at him through half closed eyes. She bit his lower lip and Harm could not keep the groan from escaping before kissing her again and nearly pulling her across the console into his lap. It was awkward, but her kiss tasted so good and was doing things to his body that overshadowed any discomfort.

A horn sounded somewhere on the street causing them to break their kiss. They both laughed a little and decided they had better go in to Mattie and stop tempting fate.

Mattie had come home from school while Mac had gone to pick up Harm. She heard the elevator come up and she flew out the door. When the doors opened, she flew into Harm's arms, nearly knocking him down. Harm was laughing so much he nearly did fall down.

Tom was due any moment and Mac had dinner started before she left. Nothing fancy: steaks and salad for the meat eaters and grilled salmon for Harm. The dinner conversation flowed easily. Harm focused mostly on Mattie. He had missed her too and knew she would be gone soon. Hopefully there wouldn't be any more deployments for a while.

Tom and Mattie left around 2000, and Mac cleared the table while Harm walked out with Tom and Mattie. Mac was standing at the kitchen sink when Harm came back in. She smiled at him over her shoulder. She turned back to look out the window, seeing their guests drive away.

Harm walked up beside Mac, facing her. He had meant to place his hand at the small of her back, a casual gesture. His thumb slipped under the hem of her sweater and he felt that her skin was so soft and warm that it was nearly his undoing. Mac turned toward him, but he was looking down, determined not to lose control and avoiding her gaze. She started to look away when he looked into her eyes. What she saw there startled her. She saw raw, almost dangerous need…. for her. He needed her, and she thought at that moment that even if it killed her he would have whatever he wanted. In her entire life she had never felt a desire this strong to please any man. Now it was beyond her control and she found that it didn't frighten her anymore. She started to say his name, and Harm stopped her with a deep, soul-wrenching kiss.

He felt as though his body was gliding along into something and he had no desire to stop it. He wanted her and needed to get closer, his body was very much ahead of his mind. He meant to slow things down but found he had no ability to do so. She had turned into his embrace and curved her leg around his, pulling him closer to her. He broke their kiss with a sharp intake of breath.

She looked into his eyes and said, "Come on, Harm." It was not an expression of exasperation but of invitation.

What little control he had left him with that invitation and he lifted her into his arms, her legs wound snugly around his back. He ran his hands up her legs to their very top; Mac drew in a breath and said his name. He held her to him and carried her into his bedroom.

She slid down his body, and he turned her around, pressing her to him. He spoke into her hear in a deep whisper, heavy with desire. "Mac, please…I just have to get inside..." He had lifted her as if weightless and fit her body to his. Mac arched her back, giving herself over to the passion they both felt. His hands were firm but not grasping, holding her body just so, like a dance that Mac had no desire to control. He did not hurt her but he was not as careful as he had been before. She didn't need him to be that now, her desire matched his own and he seemed to already know that. He lifted her upper body closer into his arms, pulling her close burying his face in her hair and together they let go.

Their breathing slowed and he slowly released her. She turned and smiled at him mischievously. "So, Harm…um, did you miss me?"

They both laughed and fell onto the bed. Harm pulled her back into his arms and kissed her. She drew back and looked at Harm's feet.

"Next time, sailor, take off your shoes."

Chapter 34

Warning: This section deals with MINOR character death.

1600

Thanksgiving Day

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Mrs. Rabb put the finishing touches on the table. Her guests waited in the living room. Jack O'Reilly was there with his son Sam and also his wife Kathie. Oscar slept in front of the fireplace and soft music played on the radio.

Kathie walked into the kitchen. "Can I help, Sarah?"

Mrs. Rabb looked up from the table and said, "I'm just finishing up. In fact, you can get the boys and tell them to come to the table."

Kathie smiled at her. "This looks like something out of a Norman Rockwell painting." And she left to get Sam and her father in law Jack.

Mrs. Rabb thought that Kathie and Sam made a wonderful couple. Kathie was like her: tall and strong, with striking gray eyes and a beautiful complexion. She had very little gray in her hair. She and her husband were the same age, but she looked at least 10 years younger.

They sat down to dinner, and Sam asked, "Will Harmon be coming back over the holiday weekend?"

"No, I think he and Mac will be spending it in Washington. They say they will be coming out the weekend after, though. It will depend on how Mac's first week at work goes. If not then, I'll see them over Christmas, I'm sure."

Jack dug into his sweet potato casserole and said, "He'll sure be sorry he missed this."

1845

Thanksgiving night

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Harm and Mac lay in his bed locked tightly in an embrace. They had not left the apartment since they'd arrived yesterday. They hadn't been out of his bedroom much since yesterday, either. Mac started to let go and move out of his arms for a moment. He drew her close again and said, "Where are you going?"

"I just thought you might need a little room to breathe."

"No, I'm just fine. I like having you close to me. I feel as though I've been gone longer than 4 weeks." He laughed at himself, a little embarrassed by the admission. "I cant seem to get enough of touching you."

"Don't worry, flyboy, your secret is safe with me." She tucked herself back into his embrace, her head resting on his shoulder and tucked under his chin.

"Hey, what time is it, anyway?"

"It's nearly 1900."

"Mac, we missed Thanksgiving."

"There is still a little time left. Want me see what we can pull together for our dinner?"

"No, you're fine right here." He thought for a moment then asked, "Are you hungry?"

She lifted her head and rested it on her hand. She looked into his eyes, "So is that an offer to make dinner, sailor?"

"It could be. Do you want something?"

He smiled at her slyly. He had lost count of how many times they had made love. He still felt it all the way down his spine every time she looked into his eyes. He was sure he would never get enough of her.

Mac laughed softly and touched his cheek. He took that hand and kissed her palm. Mac had loaded the CD player with all kinds of sweet slow jazz and just then Anita Baker softly and powerfully sang 'just love me body and soul'.

She answered. "Yeah, I think I do."

1600

London Time

Trafalgar Square

London, England

Trish and Frank were leisurely strolling along, taking in all the sights. Trish noticed a woman and her toddler, a little boy with striking blue eyes. He held his arms up to his mother and said, "Hold me."

Trish remembered little Harm. Even as a toddler he seemed to want to protect her. He would always say "Hold you mom?" when he wanted her to pick him up.

Frank turned to his wife and said "Trish?" when they were knocked backward and down to the ground.

A car bomb had exploded not 20 yards from them. Frank thought 'what the hell?' He looked at his wife and she appeared to have been knocked unconscious. He didn't see a wound or any blood anywhere. He shook her and she did not respond.

"Trish?" he called over and over. "Someone help!" Sirens screamed, but it was too late; she was already gone.

Trish heard someone calling her, and then suddenly she was walking down the drive at the farm in Pennsylvania. She saw her son walking up the drive toward her. She smiled and continued to walk toward him. As she approached him, she realized that this was not her son but her husband. She felt a sharp pain in her heart that took her breath, and then she ran to him. He embraced her.

She said, "Oh, you're home."

He pulled back from her embrace and brushed the hair back from her face. "No, Trisha, you are."

2230

Thanksgiving night

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Harm and Mac finally decided they had better take some nourishment or they would both be in trouble. They had showered and dressed and were just finishing their meal when they heard a knock on the door.

Harm looked through the security lens. "Sturgis?" He opened the door.

"I'm sorry to barge in on you two this late but this would not wait." Sturgis looked at Harm, wondering how in the world he could tell him this.

Mac sensed right away that something was terribly wrong. She instinctively walked toward Harm. Something was happening, something that was going to hurt Harm…badly.

"Come in, Sturgis, have a seat." The hair was standing up on the back of Harm's neck. He could feel it. They all sat down in his living room. Mac sat next to Harm and Sturgis on the chair across from them. She took Harms hand, and he asked,

"What's going on?"

Sturgis started to speak, he was struggling. He stood and walked over to the window. "There is no easy way to do this"

"Just spill it, Sturgis, you're making me nervous as hell." Harm had the most terrible feeling of foreboding. Mac squeezed his hand.

"Harm, our CO got a call from the State Department tonight." He shook his head and plunged in. "He asked me to come and tell you…tell you that your mother and Frank were near a car bomb that exploded in London." Sturgis looked down and said, "Harm, your mother was killed."

Harm started as though he had been physically hit with something. "What?" He slowly got up from the couch and walked toward Sturgis. "No…I…they were on vacation. She..."

Then he understood and fell silent. He began to pace the room and Sturgis told him the details as he knew them. 'Damn them all,' he thought. Damn every terrorist who ever built a bomb.

"No one has claimed responsibility," Sturgis continued. "Your mother was the only casualty."

Harm stopped pacing and looked at Sturgis. The words were like a knife in his heart, pain that was sharp and so real. "I have to get out of here."

He grabbed his jacket and keys in one fluid motion and he was out the door. Mac had been watching him. Her heart breaking for him, but she was helpless to do anything until he was able to absorb what had happened.

Sturgis looked at Mac and said, "Mac, I didn't know how else to tell him."

"Its okay, Sturgis; there really wasn't an easy way to do this. This can't have been easy for you. Stay a little while. I'll make you a cup of coffee."

2340

The Wall

Washington D.C.

Harm stood before the section of the Wall that held his father's name. He had no idea how he had gotten there or how long he had been standing here. Why was it that he drew comfort from this cold and lonely place? He ran his thumb over the letters and then realized, she was with his father now. Tears started in his eyes, but he composed himself quickly. He thought that if he let himself break down he'd never get it together again.

He thought of Mac then and he spoke her name aloud, "Mac." He had to get back to his apartment, to her...

0035

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Mac was in the bedroom when she heard Harm come in the door. He walked to the couch and sat down. She walked out of the bedroom and toward him. He was leaning forward with his head down and she knelt in front of him and gathered him into an embrace. She knew that he didn't need to talk now. He just needed to know he wasn't alone. Harm wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her neck. He felt a sob rise in his throat. He tried not to let it go, but as she soothed his back and kissed his hair, he just broke down.

"Hang on, Harm, its okay; it's going to be okay."

He cried for a long time with Mac held tightly in his embrace. He loosened his embrace after a time but could not let her look at his face. Into her ear he said, "I went to the …" he was still choking back tears.

Mac finished for him. "To the Wall?"

He nodded. "Then it occurred to me…She's with him now." He tightened his embrace once again.

"Oh, honey," Mac said, smoothing his hair, trying to will away the pain she knew he felt.

They went back to bed. Mac cradled Harm in her arms and soothed his head with her fingers. She kissed his forehead and said, "I love you."

He nuzzled her neck and kissed it. "You too." What would he have done without her? The news of his mother's death made him feel like a ship without an anchor, lost; but the thought of Mac, here waiting – she seemed to him a lifeline. They held on to each other and never let go all night.

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

Will You Always Be There?

Chapter 35

Disclaimers: I don't own any of these characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or person living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything up to and including 'Whole New Ballgame' Any spoilers may or may not be referred to.

A/N Thanks to Aerogirl for her input and beta reading and to all who have encouraged me with your posts, Thank you so much!

0715

Friday

Harm's Apartment

Harm sat on the side of his bed with the phone to his ear. Mac had gotten up and out of the room to give him a little privacy. Frank had called. He was discussing getting Trish back home and the details of what she wanted to happen upon her death.

"She wanted to be laid to rest in Pennsylvania at the farm." The Rabbs had a family cemetery that had been there for over 100 years.

Harm sat forward with his head down. He was rubbing his forehead, still trying to take it all in. Harm sat up straighter and said, "The farm? I just assumed she would want to be in California since she spent so much of her life there."

"This is what she wanted, Harm."

"What about you?" He heard Franks voice starting to waver.

"I already have arrangements to be buried near my first wife and child."

"What?" He was stunned.

"I'm sorry; I guess we never discussed this with you. We thought we had a lot of time before that would be necessary. As you know, I'm nearly 15 years older than Trish. I lost my first wife and child in 1955. She died in childbirth. She had pre-eclampsia. There was not a lot known about how to control it then… anyway, I had already arranged this long before Trish and I married."

Harm was silent. He didn't know what to say.

"I think your mother always hoped that somehow your father's body would be found and brought home."

Harm sat listening. A single tear rolled down his cheek. This was confusing as hell. He thought his mother had put aside all her feelings for his father; she had said she was able to get closure after he told her that he had died in Russia.

"Harm, are you there?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, Frank."

"It's a lot to take in. I think if I weren't handling all these details here I would lose my mind….I've spoken with your grandmother. We have been given permission to use the little church your grandmother attends for Trish's funeral. She wanted to keep things informal – just family and friends. I will have a service for her in California for our friends there."

"I understand. Are you going to be alright?" Frank suddenly sounded so tired.

"I think so; I think I'm still in shock. I never expected to live longer than she did. I would be lying if I said I knew what I was going to do. One day at a time, I suppose. I'll be flying into Baltimore and then to Philadelphia. I'll get a rental and drive to the farm. I should be there late tonight."

"Take care, Frank. I'll see you then."

1600

Friday

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Harm and Mac drove up the driveway to the house. The trip had been quiet, with Harm holding Mac's hand from time to time but saying nothing. Mac did not press him to talk. She knew too well what it was like to lose a parent; even when a person was prepared; it was a life altering experience. She was learning that Harm spoke his heart at times when she least expected and usually when they weren't face to face. Whatever got him through this, it didn't matter to her how or when he talked about it as long as he always let her be there for him.

They walked up the steps to Mrs. Rabb's house. She opened the door and immediately embraced Harm. "Oh, son, I'm so sorry." She looked over his shoulder and saw Mac looking as though she felt out of place. She held out a hand to her and Mac took it. They gave each other a small smile through their tears.

They went into the house and sat down in the kitchen. Mrs. Rabb made them coffee and insisted they eat something. She had made them her famous chicken soup and they did as they were told. Mrs. Rabb still gave the orders, even in a crisis. She stood beside Harm and placed her hand on his shoulder. She thought he looked like a lost little boy. Mrs. Rabb believed that when a person lost a parent, no matter what age that person was, the loss was soul deep.

"Are you going to be alright, Harm?"

Mac started to stand up and let Harm and Mrs. Rabb talk. Harm reached for her arm and she settled back in her seat.

"Stay, Mac, please." He took her hand and brought it closer to him on top of the table.

He seemed to be studying it intently as he closed his other hand over it.

"I am really confused about a lot of things, Grandma. I don't understand why she wanted to be here instead of California. I'm not angry about it – I just didn't expect it. It makes me see her in a way I hadn't before."

He had not looked up in all the time he was talking. He turned her palm and rubbed it with his thumb, continuing to study her hand as if he had never seen it before. Mac nearly pulled her hand away, his intensity made her uncomfortable. She did not, though. She knew Harm needed to open up, and if this was what he was going to do to distract himself, so be it. He continued.

"We really had a good talk when she was in Washington. I think we talked about things in a way we never had before. She did tell me that she had been thinking about Dad a lot lately. We went to the Wall, and she seemed to forget that I was even standing there for a few moments. I hadn't seen her do that – you know, focus on Dad like that, since I was a kid."

Mrs. Rabb had seated herself beside Harm at the table. "When she and Frank were here last, she walked the farm alone a couple of times. She had always loved it here, but I am as taken aback as you are about her wish to be buried here."

"Frank said that Mom hoped that Dad's body would be found and brought home."

Mrs. Rabb's heart still ached for her son. She had not been able to bring David or her son home to rest here with their family. David's body had never been recovered. Her Harmon was resting in the taiga of Russia.

Harm looked at Mac and realized what he had been doing and released her hand. He felt self conscious and decided to change the subject. "Mac, are you doing okay? Do you need to lie down for awhile?"

Mac was tired and she thought maybe Harm needed a little while to regroup. "I think I will." She stood and kissed his cheek, smiling at Mrs. Rabb as she left the room.

Harm stood and placed his coffee cup in the sink, looking out at the drive winding toward the house. He felt drawn to walk it, even though it would soon be dark. He took his jacket from the hook on the wall and went out the door.

Mrs. Rabb followed him out of the kitchen thinking, 'He's doing what he always does.'

Oscar followed Harm down the drive. He wasn't playful; he slowly walked behind him as if watching over him. Harm followed the familiar path, and because the wind had blown the leaves from most of the trees it was not as dark as Harm had expected. It had been a clear day and now low clouds were gathering far on the horizon. They were gray to blue against the lighter blue of the sky. The sun warmed the sky pale yellow to the west as it was beginning to descend. Harm had climbed up to the rock and stood looking up as if the answers to his questions were written there. His mind was full of questions and his heart full of pain. He wished he could talk to someone who understood his mother better than he did. 'Did anyone really know her?' Frank seemed to be as unable to understand her as he. 'Did Dad feel that way too? Did he understand what she wanted, what her strengths were?'

As the sun was beginning to set, he started to walk up the drive toward the house. 'There it is,' Harm thought, that feeling of coming home; even in all this turmoil he felt it. It occurred to him then that he had not read the letters his grandmother gave him. Letters his father had written her. He had left them here when he had brought Mac to the farm after she was discharged from Bethesda. He walked back to the house and found them in the room he had slept in when he had visited last. Oscar again followed along behind, keeping his watch.

Harm sat down on the bed and untied the ribbon on the stack of letters. He hoped he could find some comfort and wisdom in his father's words. He removed the first letter from the stack. It was written while he was still in the Academy.

Mom,

How are you? I'm great. I'll be out of here in one more month. I can't wait. I hope I get jets. I want to fly. I'll make you proud, Mom, you know I will. My father will be proud too, wherever he is. Don't worry, Mom – I haven't gone agnostic on you. It was just an expression. Tell Uncle Jack I went fishing out on the Bay with one of my classmates and his father. Tell him I've got a 'fish' story for him. (ha ha)

I met a girl today. I know this sounds stupid, but already I think I really like her. She's beautiful (of course) and she's smart; she's a senior at Brown. Art Major. Go figure. I think she was a little impressed with the old Rabb charm (ha) She's fun but she's not silly or giggly like some girls are. Remember Dora Smith? (no thanks) Anyway, her name is Patricia Harris, but her friends call her 'Trish'. I'll be seeing her again this Friday. Got to go – Thanks for the package.

Your son

Harmon

Harm sat looking at the page. He placed it beside him and opened another letter. They were like milestones. The next letter was short and had been written just before graduation week. He had written, "I think she's the one, Mom."

He read the letter that announced their engagement a year later. It appeared that he had brought her to the farm and that grandma had met her at that time. "I'm so glad you like her," he had written.

The next letter was written after they were married. "Well, Mom, we may have another aviator on the way. Trish is due in October. I hope I can be here. Trish is fine, a little morning sickness but she's not complaining. Sorry we can't call, but we're saving to furnish the nursery. You should come out here if you can. You haven't seen the Pacific since Pearl." Harm smiled to himself. He could hear his father's voice as he read the words on the page.

Harm saw a letter from Miramar that was written in his mother's flowing script. "Harmon is still out. He swears he will be back in time for the baby. I hope so. I'm doing alright. As well as any other military wife right now. Living on base helps, since everyone's husband is out or getting ready to go. I don't want you to worry, Sarah, I really am alright. I seem to feel stronger all the time. It is almost as if I'm drawing strength from this child as it grows. I told Harmon, and he laughed and told me it was the Rabb genes."

He saw the letter with his birth announcement enclosed; there was a small picture of him with the printed announcement. "Well, Mom, there is another good looking Rabb in the world."

Harm saw a letter postmarked just a couple of months before he was listed as missing. He read what his father had said about Trish getting on with her life. Harm remembered that his mother had given him a tape that he had sent to her about that subject. He had never listened to it. After he and Mac had come home from Russia he could not bear it. He'd tried to move on. He put away his MIA bracelet and some of the pictures of his father that he had in his office. Mac had tried to tell him then not to bury everything from his past with his father. He should have listened to her. It might have saved him and his mother a lot of heartache. His father had said that he loved her and he trusted her to do the right thing for herself and for him. And she had done exactly as his father had wanted her to. She had been strong enough to do as she and his father had planned, in spite of everything else she was going through. She had done right by his father and by him. He knew now there were all kinds ways of showing strength, some more obvious than others.

Harm walked into the room where Mac was sleeping. It was still early in the evening. He lay down on the other side of the bed and then scooted in behind Mac. She lay covered with a quilt. She rolled back into him and stirred awake. "Hello."

Harm kissed her hair. "Hey."

"What have you been up to?" Mac placed his arm around her, caressing his forearm as she held it.

"Reading my father's letters."

"The ones your grandmother gave you?" She turned her head to see him more clearly.

Harm nodded the affirmative.

"Did they help?"

"I think they did." He pulled her a bit closer to him, taking comfort in her sleepy warmth.

The aroma of coffee and something delicious floated up the stairs into the room they were resting in. Mac sat up slightly. "Oh, is that what I think it is?"

Harm gave her an indulgent look. Mac's appetite was definitely coming back. "Come on, Marine." He nudged her toward the side of the bed.

They went downstairs and Mrs. Rabb had apple pie and coffee waiting. She looked at Harm as he walked into the room. He seemed less troubled than he had before. He was still hurting, no doubt, but he wasn't as distracted as he had been before. She placed a cup in front of Harm and filled his coffee cup. She placed her hand on his back and he looked up at her. 'He's going to be alright,' she thought. She sighed with relief.

"Hey, I read some of those letters you gave me," he said. "Thank you for keeping them for me Grandma."

She looked at him still trying to assess his state of mind. "You're welcome son, I was wondering if you would remember them. I just put them upstairs, hoping you'd come back and get them. Did they help you with some of the confusion you have about your mother's wishes?"

Harm took a drink of his coffee and then said, "I can't say it answered every question, but I think I understand a little more than I did before."

1000

Saturday

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

It was an overcast day. The sun would peek from behind the clouds and then quickly be obscured. Blue sky, gray clouds and bright sun alternated. The wind was up but it was not uncomfortable. The trees were mostly bare now with brown and yellow gold leaves on the ground.

Harm walked to Mac, and she took his arm. She looked up into his face and tried to reassure him with a look. He gave her a sad smile and they walked into the church. He was trying to steel himself to get through this day. Frank had arranged to have the pastor of their church come and speak. Harm was not sure someone from the church they attended in La Jolla would be comfortable in a little country church. He needn't have worried. The man spoke eloquently and as someone who knew his mother well. He was not uncomfortable there and it was obvious he had been made welcome.

There were no uniforms; somehow wearing them today seemed wrong. Her life had been about her family and now this day would be about her.

Harm did not see all the people who gathered in the chapel behind him. Bud and Harriet came; Harriet's mother and father stayed in Washington with the children. Sturgis and his father came. Chaplain Turner remembered Harmon's visits while he and Sturgis were in the Academy. He had seen then that he carried a lot of the pain of the loss of his father. He hoped Harm could allow his friends to help him weather this. Tom Boone had come up from Norfolk. He sat alone at the back of the sanctuary. A black Mercedes made its way into the church parking lot. The door opened, and AJ Chegwidden emerged and helped an elegant woman with beautiful black hair out of the passenger's side of the car. The back door opened and Francesca Paretti emerged and waited for her father. Not far behind him, a Chrysler 300 parked and Jack Keeter got out and walked toward the church.

An unfamiliar vehicle came up the driveway. It was an SUV, an Expedition. A tall lanky young man got out the vehicle. Annie Pendry got out of the passenger side. Tom Johnson drove his pick up into the parking lot, and he, Mattie and Jennifer Coates got out and walked across the parking lot to the church. Victor Galindez and Jason Tiner also walked up the steps into the church. Jack O'Reilly and his son Sam came, along with his wife Kathie.

Frank sat on the pew next to Harm. He thought Frank suddenly seemed so small and frail.

The pastor began to speak. He quoted from Proverbs 31:

"Who can find a virtuous wife?

For her worth is far above rubies.

The heart of her husband safely trusts in her:

So he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good and not evil

All the days of her life….."

Harm closed his eyes and remembered his father's words written to his grandmother. "I trust her, Mom." He remembered the look on her face when she handed him the taped message from his father, the one that he had never listened to. He thought of the last conversation he had with his mother and how comfortable he had felt. He really couldn't remember the last time he had felt that way with her.

"Strength and honor are her clothing;

She shall rejoice in the time to come.

She opens her mouth with wisdom,

And on her tongue is the law of kindness.

She watches over her household

And does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children rise up and call her blessed;

Her husband also, and he praises her;

'Many daughters have done well but

you exceed them all'."

Mac folded her hand into Harm's and gave it a squeeze. 'You can do this, Harm,' she thought, hoping she could somehow telegraph the thought to him.

The pastor spoke of Trish's life and of the charities to which she contributed. He spoke of her obvious love of her husband and son. He even addressed her perseverance when Harm's father was missing in action and the daunting task of having to move on with her life. He spoke of courage, a trait Harm had never given his mother credit for having. When the pastor finished speaking, it was Harm's time to speak. He and Frank looked at each other and Frank said quietly, "You can do this, son."

Harm walked to the pulpit and looked to the back of the sanctuary. He knew that if he looked at anyone in the congregation he would not be able to keep himself composed.

He stood straight and braced his hands on the top of the pulpit. He had no notes; he intended to speak from his heart, the way his mother always had.

"Thank you all for coming today and honoring my mother.

I honor her today. I hope she knew that I always did. It has been said that military wives are closer to their children than most mothers are. I know that Mom did everything she could when my father went out to sea. It seemed as if it were her and I against the

world while we waited for my father. She made the wait short by keeping me busy

and never letting me feel the absence too acutely while my father was gone.

When Dad was missing, she helped me think about it in a way that gave me hope.

She honored my father, and whether I believed it or not at the time, she kept her word to him. She married a good man who has been a good father to me and a good husband to her."

Harm paused a moment, gathering his control and then he continued.

"We go through our lives and never realize the gravity of all the things we do and say.

We are so busy living our lives that we can't see what is right in front of us."

He looked at Mac then. Their eyes locked, and his chin trembled slightly. He looked up quickly and continued.

"I was given a gift the last time I saw her. We were able to talk about things in a way we never had before. I hope she knew that I loved her and that I was proud to be her son."

He looked at Frank and he nodded with a reassuring smile. Harm walked back to his seat, and Frank looked at him and whispered, "Thank you, son."

Harm looked at Frank and said, "Thank you, Frank."

Chapter 36

Disclaimers: I don't own any of these characters they belong to Belasarius Productions. (dn it!) I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story.

1400

Rabb family Cemetery

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

The cemetery was small but well kept. The grass was still green, with fallen leaves scattered sparsely on the ground. There were a couple of dozen tombstones with the name Rabb carved on their faces and dated as early as the 1700's. The more recent markers for Mary and Andrew Rabb were nearby.

A small group stood at the graveside. There were no chairs. The sun was hidden deeply behind the clouds. The day seemed gray and the wind cool. Harm and Mac stood closely together, Mac was slightly behind Harm with her hand resting lightly on his back. Mrs. Rabb and Jack stood with them. On the other side of the grave were their friends. The pastor began.

"Ashes to ashes…"

Harm looked across to AJ. He did not look at Harm with pity but with a look that both reassured and challenged. It seemed to Harm that his look asked a question. 'What's it going to be, Rabb?' He had seen him chase the ghost of his father through hell and high water…literally sometimes. How would he handle this? He looked at AJ directly and stood little straighter. He would not fly blindly into an all-out hunt for who was responsible for the car bomb that killed his mother, but he would know, if anyone did, who was responsible. He would see them brought to justice.

"Let us pray…

Heavenly Father, thank you for the life of Patricia Rabb Burnett.

Thank you for her kind heart and the love she gave her family and friends.

Bless those who grieve her and comfort them.

In Jesus' name,

Amen."

1445

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Everyone who had attended the funeral had come to Mrs.Rabb's afterward. People from her church had brought food for the family, slipping in the back door. They helped in the kitchen, quietly serving the guests and helping Mrs. Rabb cleanup. Some of the older parishioners had known Harm senior; some had met Trish when they had visited as a young family. The Rabbs had deep roots in this community, but they also seemed to be people of the world. They were the talk of the town, but not in a bad way.

AJ stood in the living room with his elegant companion. Harm approached him and they shook hands. The woman spoke. "I am Marcella".

"Paretti?" Harm said.

AJ and his companion both spoke at once. "Chegwidden."

Harm could not help smiling. "Congratulations, sir."

"Drop the 'sir,' Rabb; I'm retired."

Mac and Gunny were standing near the fireplace "So, Gunny, I understand you had quite an injury when you were in Iraq."

"Yes, ma'am."

"You really don't have to call me 'ma'am' anymore, and I suppose I should call you Victor."

"Well, ma'am, I may be calling you that for a little while longer. I go before a medical review board next week and I may be back at JAG in about two weeks."

"That's great, Gunny. How did you manage that?"

"Well, I had been trying to get this going for months now. I think, though, that with the new JAG's appointment I may have a better chance of getting back where I belong."

"How so?"

"You may know that I had some pretty extensive rehab after I got this knee replaced. I met a Marine colonel there who had a knee injury during a helo crash."

"Not the now Major General Creswell?"

"The very one." Gunny nodded his head slowly and smiled. "I'm not asking for any special favors from anyone and he seems like someone who is a real straight shooter. I thought if he were familiar with who I am and what I can do, maybe I've got a chance. We had a lot of conversations about JAG and he knows that I'm going before this board. I'm sure he had no idea at the time he'd be the President's pick for JAG. I don't know if he'll remember me, but hey, you never know."

"Well, Gunny, I hope you get what you want, it would be great to have you. I'll be with the judiciary when I get back. I have to take it easy for a while, until I know what's really going on with me. Harm has told you a bit, I'm sure."

"He just said you had some health problems, but that was it."

"Well, that's enough for now. I'm feeling better." She smiled and said, "Good seeing you, Gunny." She walked into the kitchen to speak with Mrs. Rabb.

"Are you doing alright, Mac?" Mrs. Rabb asked as she placed slices of cake onto small plates.

"I am." She began helping her with her task.

They looked across the room to see Jack and Harm in conversation. Jack was being his usual animated self and Harm was smiling slightly.

"He was always so good for Harm, from the very beginning. He really helped Harm come out of himself when they became friends at the Academy."

"Harm told me that he had kept him from leaving when he was going through a particularly hard time." Mac turned to take plates from the cupboard.

Mrs. Rabb nodded. "He was there for him after Diane was killed. He seemed to materialize out of nowhere. I hadn't called him – I don't know how he knew. He came and helped Harm work on 'Sarah,' too."

Jack was walking toward them, and Mrs. Rabb smirked. "I'm not sure how much help he was with that, though," she finished, patting his shoulder and walking back into the living room.

Mac couldn't help smiling; she covered her mouth to stifle her laughter.

"What?" Jack said, picking up a plate with a piece of pie and digging in.

Harm had walked up to Annie to speak to her and the tall lanky young man turned to face him. Harm was stunned. "Josh?"

"Yes, sir." He looked almost grown, yet he still had a boyish look about him.

They shook hands. "I can't believe it. Has it been that long?"

Mac saw the interaction between Harm and Annie. She could not place the young man they were talking with. She decided not to interrupt. She felt a pang of jealousy. She knew Harm loved her and they were together, but she also remembered how Harm had looked at Annie long ago. 'Don't go there, Mackenzie,' she thought. 'Neither of us needs that nonsense now.'

"How are you, ma'am?" Lt.(jg) Jason Tiner stood before her.

"Hello… when are you going to come back and give us a hand, Lieutenant?" Mac said, smiling. He looked so proud and nervous at the same time. Typical Jason Tiner.

"Not for a while yet, ma'am. Things are still pretty much up in the air until the new JAG makes some decisions about his staff."

"I hope to see you back with us, Lieutenant. I'm sure I can speak for Harm when I say it was kind of you to come all this way."

She smiled and turned toward Harm.

Josh recognized her and said, "Major Mackenzie?"

Mac was startled and then recognition dawned. "Josh?" She walked toward him.

Harm smiled. "That's Colonel Mackenzie now, Josh."

Mac was so stunned she didn't even acknowledge Annie. "My God, the last time I saw you, you were a little boy."

Josh stood a little straighter and said, "I'll be 18 next month."

Annie spoke up. "How are you, Mac?"

Mac looked at her and offered her hand. "I'm fine, Annie. It's good to see you."

Harm leaned toward Mac and said in a low voice, "Josh starts the Academy next year."

Mac looked quickly at Harm and said, "That's…great."

Annie chuckled a bit and said, "It's alright, Mac. I'm okay with it. I'm afraid you met me at a very bad time in my life. I was still grieving terribly for Luke. I'm afraid I must have seemed awfully neurotic."

Mac colored a bit, "Oh no, not at all." She felt terrible for having judged Annie so harshly. Just then Tom Boone got Harm's attention, and he excused himself and walked toward him. Mac thought, 'Harm, don't you leave me after I have placed my foot squarely in my mouth…'

"So I understand you and Harm are seeing each other now."

Mac blushed, "Yes, we are." Why was she blushing so much about this? There she had been, not 10 minutes ago, feeling jealous and remembering things long forgotten by Harm and Annie. If Annie's beautiful wedding rings were any indication, she had moved on long ago.

Annie saw Mac looking at her rings. "I got married nearly 5 years ago. He's an orthopedic surgeon. He's at Johns Hopkins. I'm Annie Stanton now."

"Congratulations." Mac still felt tongue-tied and a bit ashamed of herself. Annie was being so nice.

"I'm so happy for you and Harm. Luke and I always wondered if Harm would ever settle down." She smiled. "I wish you both well, Mac, I really do."

"Thank you." Mac looked toward the kitchen to see a very pregnant Harriet lumbering into the kitchen. "Excuse me, Annie; it was great to see you."

Harm stood talking to Tom Boone.

"Any ideas about who is responsible for the car bomb?"

Harm looked across the room, making sure he knew where Mac was. He did not want her to overhear this conversation. "No, not yet. I intend to make a few calls when I get back."

Tom frowned. "Youre not thinking of the Company are you?"

AJ stepped over to them, having heard the last thing that Tom said. Harm stopped speaking. "Well…are you?"

"If you're thinking Webb…Hell no." He looked at Mac helping Harriet into the wing-backed chair near the fireplace.

"What about Keeter?" AJ asked.

"What about me?" Jack walked up to the group of men as they stood near the back of the room.

Harm looked at his friend knowing exactly what he would say: 'Stay out of this.'

Tom Boone answered the question. "We were discussing the incident at Trafalgar Square." The injustice of it all sickened him. He would know; he had the time and the resources to look into it himself if he had to.

Jack looked at Harm and said just what he thought he would. "Harm, you need to stay out of this. You have enough to deal with. You have a new boss who may not have the tolerance to allow you to go chasing off to find out who is responsible for this."

AJ cleared his throat. "Unlike some people I know."

Harm looked at his feet and crossed his arms across his chest. "I'm not going to do anything stupid, but I'm not going to let this go, either. Christ, what would any of you do?"

AJ spoke up. "I would not throw away my future to get involved in something that is being handled by Scotland Yard, MI-5 and more than likely the Company at the international level. Hell, Harm, it could have been any of a number of terror groups from the IRA to Al Qaeda."

Tom cleared his throat. "Do you think you'll honor Trish by throwing away your career in the Navy or by getting yourself killed?"

Harm looked up quickly. That had stung him and Tom knew it. He admonished him again. "You are making a mistake if you try to take this on alone."

"I'll see what I can find out, but you go back to Washington and get on with your life." Jack nodded across the room to where Mac still sat talking with Harriet.

Harm was silent and then he said. "I will for now, but this is not over." He paused a moment and then looked at them all. "I appreciate that you all came here today." With that he walked into the kitchen.

Tom and AJ looked at each other and Jack watched Harm walk away. He started to follow him, and Tom said firmly, "You'll keep me posted?"

"How would I reach you?"

"I'll find you," Tom said.

"So will I," AJ added and walked back toward Marcella and his daughter talking with Bud.

1645

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Mac stood on the porch, looking at her friends gathered around Harm. They were all getting ready to leave. Harm stood in the yard talking to Tom Boone. She remembered what Dr. McCool had said about family; the idea that there were all kinds of families. They were surrounded today by a family of sorts. Mattie walked up to Harm then and hugged him, and Harm shook Tom Johnson's hand. They turned began to make their way along with Jennifer toward the pickup truck.

Harm looked back toward her and he seemed to call her to him with his eyes. She walked down the steps toward him. She tucked herself under his arm and he drew her to him.

Anyone who saw the gesture could not keep from the smile from their faces, even on this sad day.

It had been gray most of the day, but when the sun started to set, the clouds were afire with yellow orange and purple against the blue gray. It warmed the cool air for a few moments before everyone went their own way, and Harm and Mac returned to the house with Mrs. Rabb.

Chapter 37

Disclaimers: As previously stated

2346

Saturday

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Mac lay quietly on her side, listening to Harm's soft snoring. He was exhausted but Mac was wide awake. It seemed that she was unable to turn off all the thoughts in her head. This day had been both painful and heartwarming. Harm had not said very much to her all day, but she felt so connected to him that it didn't seem necessary. She lay in the curve of his body; he was nestled snugly behind her, his arms encircling her. He shifted and moved closer to her. He said her name but it had been in his sleep. He was out, his arms heavy with sleep as he held her.

She lay there in his arms for a long while. She turned in his arms onto her stomach. He lay sleeping in the same position, his face in full view. Mac's heart ached with love for him. She had yet another way to see him, another side to the many sides of Harmon Rabb. Mac finally knew for sure – she knew that he loved her. It was in the way he looked at her and in his touch. It was in the way she always came first in all the ways that really counted. When she finally understood that, he was more hers than he had ever been. She remembered Harm's words at Trish's funeral. 'We're so busy living our lives that we don't see what is right in front of us.' He didn't say 'I love you' all the time, but he did say it, in a way she could not doubt ever again. Fear didn't accompany the love she felt for him anymore, and so reassurance wasn't necessary.

She leaned over and kissed his cheek lightly, and he smiled a small smile. Fear was something she had always battled, not in her job but in her personal life. Now it seemed foolish to invest that much time and energy into something so trivial. Staying alive, living her life long and happily with Harm, doing what she loved, without fear of the past. The future was all that mattered now.

Mac studied his face. He looked younger in sleep. He would hate that she thought this, but there was just no way around it. He was a beautiful man. His black lashes fanned thick over his skin. True, he was showing some age, but she loved every line on his face. His features were strong. His brow was relaxed in sleep with his proud profile and his full kissable lips. The thought made her mouth water. No lover had ever been able to reach her the way Harm had. She had never let anyone into her heart, not really. She had tried, with Mic and with Webb, but it never really seemed right. Harm was always there in her heart, although back then she would have died before she admitted it.

She still wanted a child that belonged to her and Harm biologically. She wanted it more than she ever had before. Meeting his grandmother and knowing what she did about his family made her want to weave herself into the fabric of his family and make it her own.

She by no means wanted to disappear and not bring the best of who she was with her.

'Our children would definitely be 'children of the world',' she thought. They would have a strong tradition of service on both sides. She remembered her paternal grandmother's Iranian heritage and the Cherokee ancestry on her mother's side. Then there was Harm's family with its roots so deep in this country, for centuries really. Sarah Rabb's good strong heart with all her determination and perseverance. What a heritage their children would have, conceived and raised in love. To Mac it would be like breaking a curse that had hovered over her and her family since before she was born. The drinking, the destructive behavior would be consigned to the past, where it belonged.

Harm stirred a little and he opened his eyes slightly. The moonlight shining in the window illuminated the room so that Mac could see his eyes go dark immediately.

"Mac."

He reached to touch her cheek and pulled her close, rolled her to her back and immediately rolled on top of her. He kissed her neck with warm open-mouthed kisses, taking Mac's breath away. She wasn't sure he was completely awake, but he was definitely in control. He slid his hands down to her lower back and then pulled her body down and closer to him. Everything was moving fast, but Mac's body reacted quickly as Harm began kissing her.

Mac came up for air. "Harm…"

He whispered, "Shhhh…" and as he plunged himself inside her, he smothered her reaction with a deep penetrating kiss. She wrapped herself around him and they made the sweetest, quietest and most intense love they had ever made. Afterward they lay side by side, both breathing deeply to catch their breath.

"Hey….why did you wake me up, anyway?" Harm whispered.

"Me?" Mac hit him with a pillow and they both stifled the laughter bubbling up inside them.

"Hey, knock it off – we're going to wake someone up."

They did eventually fall asleep. Harm woke with the sunrise and got up and crept to the bathroom to get cleaned up and dressed. He wasn't ready to have his grandmother knock on the door to wake them for breakfast while he was still wrapped around Mac, naked.

…..He was not a prude, either.

0830

Sunday

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Harm and Frank stood on the porch drinking coffee. Harm had helped him load his luggage into the car and he was preparing to leave. He looked to the west side of the property where the cemetery lay. Harm knew he did not want to leave her here, but he would because she had asked him to.

"Time goes by so quickly when you're not paying attention. It seems like only yesterday I met her. She was so young and beautiful and she needed me. There you were, an angry little boy, so protective of her but never realizing how badly you needed to be protected yourself. Trish used to say you were an old soul…." His voice began to break up.

"Frank –"

"It's alright, Harm. I understand more than you know. Trish was a wonderful wife, and while you may not have been an easy child to raise, I have always been proud to call you my son."

Harm shook his hand and they embraced.

"Take care of yourself, Frank."

"I will" He could see the concern in Harm's face. "I'm going to stay with my brother for a while. He has a place there in La Jolla. I won't be alone, Harm."

He walked down the path toward his rental car, a Crown Victoria of dark midnight blue. He opened the door and turned to Harm. "Stay in touch."

"You know I will."

Harm stood and watched him drive away. Mrs. Rabb and Mac walked out onto the porch.

"Do you think he'll be okay?"

Mrs. Rabb took a drink of her coffee "You know I really do."

"He's a good man." Mac walked up beside him and placed her hand in the middle of his back.

"Are you all ready to go?" Harm was ready to get back to Washington, and he also wanted Mac to have time to relax a little before she got back to JAG tomorrow.

They loaded Harm's SUV and said their goodbyes to Mrs. Rabb. "Will you still be coming back around Christmas time?"

"That's the plan." He hugged his grandmother and kissed her cheek. "Thanks, grandma, for everything."

"Anytime," she said, smiling. Then she turned to Mac and hugged her and patted her back. "I'm so glad to see that you're doing so much better."

"Thank you, Mrs. Ra…Sarah." She chuckled.

They got in and drove down the drive. Mrs. Rabb crossed her arms and thought, 'If those two aren't married before spring I'll eat my hat.' She turned and walked up the path toward the house. Just then a gust of wind blew across the yard and a hat, apparently lost by someone yesterday, was caught up in the wind and rolled across the path to her feet.

Mrs. Rabb looked down in surprise and then laughed out loud, clapping her hands.

"That was a good one," she said aloud, "and nobody saw it." She walked the rest of the way into the house, shaking her head and chuckling to herself.

1400

Sunday

Capital Beltway

Washington D.C.

Harm had been quiet once again for most of the trip. Mac had not wanted to press him to talk. They were alike in that they seemed to clam up even more when they felt pressured to open up. She had been looking at him, and Harm looked over at her and smiled. "Hey, sleepyhead. It's about time you woke up and kept me company."

"I didn't get as much sleep as some people I know."

"Now whose fault do you think that is?" Harm was chuckling. He was bracing himself; she was going to let him have it.

Mac was sleepy, but she gave his arm a good punch. The loss of sleep had been well worth it, she thought, smiling smugly.

"Penny for your thoughts." He thought he did know, but he wanted to tease her a bit.

"I'm not telling."

They were in front of Harm's apartment very shortly. They both had to get ready for Monday. They had left in such a hurry that a lot of everyday things had been left undone: Laundry, getting Mattie squared away for the week. He and Mac worked together, and in a couple of hours they were ready to relax again.

"Are you going to stay with me, Mac?"

Mac had been debating this in her mind nearly all day. It had been over a month since she last stayed alone in her apartment. She felt fine; it wasn't a matter of not being well or even vulnerability now. She just didn't want to spend another night away from Harm.

"Do you really want me to?"

"Of course I do."

"I'm just going to come out with it. I don't want to spend another night without you, Harm."

A slow wide smile spread across Harm's face.

"I know we need to discuss the practicality of each of us maintaining an apartment, but I don't want to go there now. I just want to be with you."

"My thoughts exactly." With that, Harm scooped her up into his arms and kissed her soundly.

They heard a knock at the door, and then Mattie came bounding in.

"Hey, you guys! What's up?" She had the most mischievous look on her face..

They loosened their embrace but did not let go. "Hey yourself," they both said at once.

"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" Mattie looked at them, raising her brows and trying unsuccessfully to look innocent.

"No, young lady, you're not." Harm was beginning to see that he was going to have to have a talk with her.

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

Will You Always Be There?

Chapter 38

Disclaimers: I don't own any of these characters, they belong to Belasarius. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story.

Spoilers: Anything up to 'This Just In From Baghdad" and any spoilers posted out there are fair game. There are some references to an old episode from season four I believe called 'The Adversaries'

2230

Sunday

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Mattie had just gone back to her apartment. They'd had a nice evening with her. Mattie turned her precocious meter down a notch. Harm was glad she had become a little more perceptive than she seemed to be before. She and her father were making real plans to reopen Grace Aviation. He expected that perhaps as soon as the semester ended she would be returning to Blacksburg. He also knew that she wanted to be with a new 'friend' she had made and was on the phone or on line with all the time these days: Kevin. Harm gave a silent prayer of thanks that he did not have to handle the 'boy issue' on his own and that Tom was doing the primary parenting on that one. Whew.

They were getting things ready for work in the morning when Harm noticed Mac watching him.

"What's on your mind, Marine?"

"I was just thinking about how it's going to be tomorrow, not being in the office with you all day." Mac sat down on the side of Harm's bed.

"It will be fine, Mac. You know you enjoyed sitting on the bench last year."

"I did, but I'll miss you."

Harm sat down beside her. "I won't give you a chance to miss me. We can still have lunch sometimes; we can still discuss cases, unless it's a case that you'll be presiding over."

"That's true, and I know this is all for the best. Maybe it's just that things are changing so fast for us."

"Mostly for the better, don't you think, Mac?" He gave her an expectant look.

"Yes, of course I do, where you and I are concerned. You have to admit, it's been a pretty wild ride for the last month or so."

Harm nodded; he still had trouble grasping the idea that he could not pick up the phone and call his mother in La Jolla.

"I know you're bound to still be having a hard time dealing with this."

"I'll be okay, Mac."

"I know you will, but I can worry about you if I want to, can't I?"

Harm took her hand. "Just a little." He kissed her cheek and got up to finish getting ready for bed.

Mac thought, 'He's not ready to talk about this yet.' She hoped he wouldn't bury everything and would trust her to listen and not judge. She definitely knew about losing a parent. She got up and slipped under the covers, turning off the lamp on her side of the bed.

Harm turned off the light in the bathroom and padded into the bedroom. Mac smiled at him, and he thought about how great it was not to be alone now. If he had anything to do with it he would never be without her again. He slipped into bed and they slipped into a now familiar position, spooning. Mac was right; this was home. Wide awake, Harm lay there thinking, trying to put some perspective on the last couple of weeks. He also listened for Mac's breathing to even out. She was quiet, but he could tell she was awake too.

"I didn't stay in touch with Mom the way I should have, Mac. I wasn't as close to her as I should have been."

"I was estranged from my father, so I know what that is. I don't think that is what you were doing, Harm. I can honestly say that when he died I didn't even know him."

"I wish I had known how little time we had. I left a lot of things unsaid."

"We all think we understand the natural order of things. None of us really thinks about what it would be like to outlive our parents. We all think we have time, and that is not always the case. You did what people our age do, Harm. We pull away, get lives of our own." She turned in his arms to face him. "You weren't a bad son, Harm. Please don't believe you were."

Harm propped his head on his hand. "We did have a really nice time the last time she was in Washington. We reconnected somehow, and Dad's letters helped too."

Mac kissed him lightly on the lips. He smiled at her and kissed her again. "You know, I haven't even asked you anything about your last appointment with Captain Morrison and Commander Fletcher."

"They seem pleased with my progress; they released me to return tomorrow, of course."

"What is the story on the research at Johns Hopkins?" He traced her arm with the tips of his fingers

"Captain Morrison and Dr Ahrens are still of two different opinions. Dr Ahrens is convinced that I am totally cured. Captain Morrison refuses to say anything that will allow me to think he agrees with him at all. Watch and wait seems to be the plan."

"He's just being cautious, Mac. I'm glad he's that way."

"While I appreciate what he's done for me, I get a little impatient to be getting on with my life. I just want to leave this ...illness behind me."

"When do you go back?"

"Not until after the first of the year. My first round of blood work is pretty good. Some testing is still out. Apparently, I'm a star in research circles." Mac smiled.

"Always knew it, Mac." He kissed her.

"He started me on a mild birth control pill." She said in a very matter of fact tone of voice.

Harm leaned up on his elbow. "What?" He hadn't even thought they needed to think of pregnancy as a possibility because of Mac's illness.

"He started me on birth control. What's the matter?"

"When…I mean, what if we…"

Mac laughed and said, "Oh, Harm… I don't think we have anything to worry about. I was on a medication to stop my ovulation all together before I had my surgery and for a while afterward. Then I was started on the pill a week before you came back."

Harm lay back down again, but the look of panic had not left his face.

"Stop worrying, Harm. I mean, even if we were trying to have a baby, I'd only have a 50 percent chance of conceiving… I don't think you have anything to worry about." She smiled at him, trying to reassure him and lighten the mood. "My goodness, Harmon, you have a lot of confidence in yourself, don't you?"

"What?"

"Oh baby…you must think you're something else – think you're that potent …do ya?" Mac arched her eyebrow and gave him a wry smile.

He laughed and rolled her on her back. "Knock it off, Mackenzie."

1045

Monday

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm sat in his office going over his case file. Staff call had been interesting. General Creswell was familiar to everyone but him now. Well, he wouldn't say familiar. Creswell was not an easy man to read. He had the feeling that the general had not made up his mind about him yet. He heard a commotion out in the hallway and a familiar but not so dear voice. He rose to look down the hallway. Big Bud Roberts…just great, just what he needed to make his morning complete. Bud was trying to tell him that he could not speak with him right now. The tension level in the office was definitely up a notch or two since General Creswell's arrival.

"Can I help you, Master Chief?"

"Hmmpft, not likely, Commander."

"I'm sorry, sir..." Bud said looking at Harm. "Look, Dad, we'll talk about this at home tonight. I don't have time to deal with this now. I have to be in court in 10 minutes."

"Yeah, thanks a lot, son….for nothing."

"What's the problem here?" Harm was getting ready to have Big Bud thrown out on his ass.

Bud looked at Harm over his shoulder as he tried to dash toward the courtroom. "Dad thinks he's going to be called up from inactive reserve. It seems the Navy wants to recall him to active duty because storekeepers who can do their jobs without a computer are rare these days and they need some to go to war."

Harm could not keep the smile off of his face. He believed that the recall of some inactive reserves was necessary, but did the Navy deserve Big Bud?

"Step into my office, Master Chief. Let's not have a scene here in the hallway. I don't want Bud getting off on the wrong foot having to explain his father to our new commanding officer."

They walked into his office and Harm sat down behind his desk. Big Bud leaned across his desk. "Listen, Commander, I did my time in the Navy. I did what was expected of me and then some."

"And then some," Harm repeated, nodding knowingly.

"And just for the record, I never EVER stole anything from the Navy in my life."

"Really, then why did you as much as admit it to me? Don't forget, I was the prosecutor. I saw the evidence. I spoke with your….associate."

"So I've got friends in low places – that doesn't make me a thief. He had as much to gain by lying as I did. I wasn't worried about you telling Bud. I let you be his savior once again, anyway what was the point? I know your type, Commander. I wasn't going to convince you no matter what I said. I know how you saw me. You're like every other snot nosed ring knocker I've ever met. You already made your mind up about me a long time ago."

"Take care, Master Chief – you're skating on thin ice."

"I'm not worried… I've wanted to tell you just what I thought of you for a long time so before they activate my ass, I'm going to. I know what I am and I know what I'm not. I am proud of my career in the Navy; it's the one thing in my life I did right. They didn't hand out all that gold that I wore on my arm like candy. I earned it. I may have been a rotten father and a terrible husband but that is none of your damn business."

"Don't drag Bud into another one of your messes, Master Chief. He has a good career in the Navy in spite of you."

"It may surprise you to know that in my 30 years in the Navy, I didn't get one ding on my record. I made rate every time I was up for it." Big Bud leaned close across the desk. "I'll tell you something else. I served on the 'Ti' and I met your Dad. He was a good officer and had the respect of officers and enlisted. And you know what; he was twice the officer you'll ever be..."

Harm stood quickly and Big Bud backed up. Mac knocked on the door at that same moment and opened it. If looks could kill Big Bud would be no more. She had not seen Harm this angry in a long time. "Oh – I'm sorry."

Harm's eyes never left Big Bud's. "Not a problem, Mac. The Master Chief was just leaving."

"Yeah, I'm leaving." He walked toward the door and then turned back to face Harm. "Tell you what, Commander. I won't tell you how to be a son if you think you can keep from telling me how to be a father, alright?" With that he left the office.

"What the hell is going on here, Harm? I thought you were going to deck him."

Harm turned around and looked out the window. "Son of a bitch."

"I came down to see if you could grab an early lunch with me."

Harm turned and picked up his cover without looking at Mac. "Yeah, let's go. I think I could use some air."

They were out in the courtyard in front of JAG Headquarters. Mac stopped stood with her arms folded while Harm walked briskly ahead of her.. "Do you want to tell me what's going on?"

Harm stopped abruptly and turned to look at Mac. "Big Bud came in today to see Bud. He's raising hell because he thinks he's going to be called up from inactive reserve. He was giving Bud a hard time about it, and he had to go to court, so I stepped in."

Mac could not keep the smile from her face when she thought of Big Bud. "Couldn't happen to a nicer guy."

Mac's smile was infectious, Harm looked at her and said, "Yeah, I suppose. I just let him get under my skin."

"Come on sailor, buy me lunch. It's getting cold out here."

1700

Harm's office

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Bud knocked on Harm's open door.

"Enter."

"Sir?"

"Have a seat, Bud."

"I just wanted to apologize for my father's behavior earlier today. He was out of line and he knows it."

"He admitted it?" Harm was incredulous.

"As a matter of fact, he did."

Harm didn't answer him. What Big Bud had said still stung him.

"Look, sir, I know my father acts like a jackass a lot of the time, but we are getting along a lot better. He is what he is."

"Don't worry about it, Bud. I walked right into it. I know how he is."

"You may not believe it, sir, but he is different than he was when you first met him, or when Mikey and I were growing up. He's just worried that when he's called up he won't be able to handle it physically. He's had some health problems, and the only thing he's proud of is his Navy career. I think it would kill him if he had to go back in on any level and it was a matter of record that he was unequal to the job."

Harm thought he was being too charitable, but he wouldn't interfere. He was glad for Bud's sake that they were getting along. Harm nodded.

"I have to get going sir; again, I'm sorry about this morning."

"Its okay, Bud. What do you plan on doing about him? I mean, about his being called up?"

"I'm just making sure Dad has his medical records updated, and Ill try to get him before a medical review board."

"Well, good luck, Bud."

"Thank you, sir."

With that he left Harm's office. Just then the phone rang. "Hey, sailor."

"Hey yourself."

"Are you ready to get out of here?"

Yes he was; he wanted to turn the events of this whole day off and get home with Mac.

1710

Monday

General Creswell's Office

JAG HQ

General Creswell stood at this window, looking out onto the parking lot. He saw Commander Rabb and Colonel Mackenzie meet and then walk toward an SUV. The commander opened the door on the passenger's side for the colonel. It was obvious to him that there was something going on there, but frankly he didn't want to know.

As long as they conducted themselves professionally, they had nothing to fear from him.

The general turned back toward his desk and smiled. He didn't think any of them knew quite how to take him and that was just fine with him. They all appeared to be a good crew, though a bit too familiar for his taste at times. He thought that his yeoman, Roberts and Turner were getting a handle on things. They were by the book sailors, but Rabb was another matter. He had not made up his mind about him yet.

He opened his personnel file and shook his head. It was as if he were two different people. In the courtroom he was an outstanding attorney, but his record also had another side. He could be heroic to the point of recklessness. Heroism was one thing, but recklessness was quite another, and that would not be tolerated here.

He would see. He would give him the benefit of the doubt for now, but time would tell.

Chapter 39

0600

Friday

General Creswell's office

JAG Headquarters

Falls, Church, Virginia

General Creswell sat at his desk with the phone to his ear. "I understand, sir. We will discuss the matter later this morning. ….Thank you, sir."

The SecNav had made an early call this morning to to the general to express a concern regarding Commander Rabb. He informed him that certain people were independently pursuing an investigation into who was responsible for the explosion at Trafalgar Square. He did not accuse Commander Rabb, but he did say that those pursuing the information were known to be close friends of his. He had two concerns. First was the concern that the office of the JAG not be compromised by an independent investigation into a personal matter. The other concern was that Commander Rabb not be allowed to personally involve himself at all.

"There are multiple American and British agencies handling this, General. While I sympathize with the Commander for his loss, I won't have their investigation interfered with on any level."

0900

Friday

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

General Creswell finished up staff call and had just dismissed the staff when he asked Commander Rabb to see him in his office immediately following the meeting.

After General Creswell had returned to his office, Harm followed and stood at attention as the general stepped behind his desk.

"At ease, Commander. It has come to my attention that you are actively pursuing the investigation into the explosion at Trafalgar Square." He looked at Harm, waiting for him to answer.

"I have friends who are looking into it for me, sir."

"It is one thing to be looking into the incident and another to actively pursue."

"Sir, I…"

The general silenced him with a look. "I have been reviewing your personnel file with great interest, Commander. You have an excellent record in the courtroom, but you have a tendency to let your connections to family and friends lead you into compromising your career and at times your life. I want to make it clear to you that I will not tolerate that in this office. We are at war, Commander; we don't have the luxury of pursuing personal interests….No matter how noble."

Harm was quiet for a moment. "Permission to speak freely, sir?"

"You may."

"Sir, I value my career in the Navy. It was not my intention at any time to compromise anything. When I pursued my father in Russia I was on leave. As for the accusation of murder, I have no excuse, sir. I took on something I never should have, and I won't make that mistake again….When I resigned my commission last year, I felt that I had no choice. If I had not pursued them, Colonel Mackenzie and two CIA operatives would have died in the Chaco Boreal."

The general raised his hand to silence him. This conversation was about to get personal, and they were not going there. "What have you learned from the situations that you just described?"

"I have a better perspective on what I can do on my own and when I need to ask for help. I also realize that I compromised myself and my career when I wouldn't ask for help and allow things to be handled in the proper channels."

"I will be direct, Commander. What you discuss with your friends and family regarding the incident at Trafalgar Square is purely a personal matter. What you do about what you learn is the business of this office. I want to make it clear that I will not tolerate reckless or compromising behavior from one of my senior officers. You serve on the staff of the Judge Advocate General of the United States Navy, Commander. Your conduct reflects on this office and the Navy itself. If you cannot conduct yourself with more discretion than you have in the past, in personal matters, then you will no longer serve this office. Are we clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"You are dismissed,"

Harm came to attention and turned to walk out the door.

"Commander."

"Yes, sir?"

"I am sorry for your loss."

"Thank you, sir."

Harm turned and continued to walk out of the office. He closed the door and blew out a breath. 'Whew.' He and Coates looked at each other. Harm raised his eyebrows, and Coates gave him a slight smile as if to say 'I know what you mean.' Neither thought it was prudent to say anything.

General Creswell seemed to have eyes in the back of his head and ears all over the office. Harm walked toward his office looking a little dazed.

Bud noticed him walking across the bullpen. 'At least I'm not the only one he has that effect on,' he thought.

1600

Friday

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm had just left the courtroom and was heading back to his office. A door to one of the other courtrooms opened slightly and he heard the words "Court is adjourned until 0900 Monday."

He'd know that voice anywhere. He got a glimpse of Mac presiding over the courtroom.

He felt a surge of pride and a bit of awe. She had been through so much but you would never know by looking at her. Mac had changed a lot over the past month or so, but she was still every bit as squared away as she had always been. She was not an open book to everyone, but she had let him in. Finally. He smiled to himself and walked toward his office.

1930

Friday

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Harm was finishing up his specialty and Mac's favorite dish: linguini with clam sauce. He had steamed veggies and had set the table. Mac was getting freshened up. Harm smiled to himself…was she humming? Mattie had left for Blacksburg from school today. Something about a game she wanted to attend with Kevin. She said Tom was going as well, so Harm wasn't worried about it.

Mac walked into the kitchen and glanced at the table. "This is nice, Harm."

"Thank you. Help me get this on the table, would you?" He handed her the serving dish with the vegetables in it.

They sat down and began their dinner. "Oh, Harm. This is so good and I am so hungry today."

"Glad you like it. I thought I'd make your favorite to celebrate the end of this long week."

"It has been a long week. The case today was unbelievable. We have a sailor going to court-martial. She stole the identities of three officers in the clinic in which she served. It will take years to repair the damage she did in just a few months. I almost felt sorry for McBurney. He had nothing to go on. Commander Coleman had computer records and even an additional theft from an imaging clinic in Norfolk."

"Sounds fun. I finished up today with Lt Wall. She didn't lose her wings after all. Sturgis gave me a real run for my money but I pulled it off. She gave her father a ride; it was his dying wish. I don't know how many people I've given a ride in my backseat. I can't believe it even came to this."

Mac looked at him and smiled. He went for the emotional appeal. 'He always does,' she thought. Poor Sturgis – all Harm's flash and fire and there he probably was plodding along. She respected Sturgis, but she knew Harm. If it was an emotional issue he would win hands down. Mac took another bite of her linguini and said,

"You know, Harm, you're going to make someone a great wife someday." She laughed when Harm narrowed his eyes at her.

"Is that a proposal, Mackenzie?"

Mac was quiet. Harm just smiled smugly, thinking she wouldn't have a quick comeback to that. He picked up his glass of water. 'Gotcha,' he thought.

"What if it is?"

Harm nearly choked on his water. Mac picked up her plate and carried it to the sink. Harm composed himself and turned to look at her.

"Well?"

Harm got his second wind and thought, 'okay, I'll bite.' He got up and brought his plate with him, a sly smile spreading across his face. He stood next to her, meeting her gaze.

"Why, Ms. Mackenzie, this is so sudden." Harm was beginning to enjoy this.

"So then you want a longer courtship, Harmon?" She arched her eyebrow, questioning.

"On second thought, I suppose this nearly 9 year dance we've been doing should count for something."

They both laughed and finished clearing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen. Harm put on some music. Mac's Sade CD filled the room with mellow and beautiful music. 'Your love is king…I crown you with my heart...Your love is king…'

"Mmmm that's just what the doctor ordered." Mac swayed to the music and Harm caught her up in his arms. They slowly danced from the kitchen and into the living room. Harm wondered if she were serious. He had been thinking about how to ask her and how soon he should ask. He decided to ask her when she wanted to do this. That would tell him if she meant it. He would marry her tomorrow if he thought she would do it.

"So…" Harm pulled back from her embrace. "When are we going to do this, Mackenzie?" Harm looked into her eyes; trying to be sure he wasn't reading something that was not there.

She smiled at him and kissed him lightly, looking directly into his eyes. "I'd do it right now, Harm, if I could."

Harm stopped and brushed Mac's hair back from her face. He studied her face, trying to take in every nuance. "You want to marry me, Mac?"

Mac was suddenly very serious "Yes, I do."

"I thought you'd never ask."

They both laughed and pulled each other into a tight embrace. Harm's heart felt as though it was in his throat. God, she really is going to be mine He swallowed hard.

"I love you."

Mac pulled back and looked at him. She touched his cheek. "Oh….I love you too."

Then she kissed him, lightly at first and then with a passion that carried them both deep into the night. They were on their way.

Chapter 40

A/N: Once again I will say to keep in mind that this chapter was written last fall (04) and is not meant to represent anything other than a good and relevant JAG story. I will quote one of my favorite characters from the show. Adm. AJ Chegwidden. "Make of it what you will."

1930

Sunday

December 5

Georgetown

Harm and Mac walked arm in arm and in step. They had just finished dinner at their new favorite Japanese restaurant. Neither felt like going home just yet, so they decided to take a stroll. The night was very cool but there was no breeze so they were comfortable walking. A light snow had begun to fall; the snowflakes melted as soon as they fell on the pavement. It made the night seem magical. The whole weekend had been wonderful. It had just been Harm and Mac; they hadn't really done anything special, except decide to get married.

They came upon a jewelry store and stopped to look into the windows. They looked at the beautiful wedding sets with what had to be at least 2 carat diamonds. Harm knew that it had to be special, something to last a lifetime. Anything she wanted, he thought.

Mac wandered down further and stopped in front of the farthest window down. Harm watched her as she smiled and placed her hand on the window, leaning closer to the glass. Whatever she was looking at, Harm had the feeling that this was it.

Harm walked up beside her and she turned toward him. Harm's brow furrowed. She had been looking at a set of matching gold wedding bands; they were plain but 18 carat gold and about half an inch wide.

"This is what I want, Harm."

"You don't want a wedding set with an engagement ring?"

"No, I don't think I do."

Harm placed his arm around her shoulders. He leaned closer to her ear. "There's a story here, I can feel it."

"There is – I had almost forgotten until I saw these wedding bands. When I was younger, there was a couple who lived across from my dad and me at the trailer park. They were military too. They were younger than Mom and Dad. Their names were Glenna and Dennis Smith, he was just a corporal. Anyway, my mother had already left and they used to invite me over from time to time for dinner. She wore a ring like this. Her husband wore one just like it. They seemed so much in love, and he seemed so respectful of her. I wanted that. I don't think I even believed love like that existed until I met those two."

"Do you want that set…..for us?"

"Yes, I do." She turned to him and smiled.

"Then that is what we'll have." He kissed her forehead. She looked up at him and he kissed her again.

1130

Monday

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm sat at his desk, a case file open in front of him. He heard a knock on his open door and he looked up. Clayton Webb stood looking at him.

"I'm not interested, Webb."

"Not interested in who planted that car bomb in London?" He was sure he had him.

"I'm not interested in what you have to say. You've never done anything for me that you didn't twist to your own advantage."

"Harm…." Webb was trying to sound sincere…it made Harm's stomach turn.

"You've used everything that ever meant anything to me to draw me into one of your 'missions' and then left me with my ass hanging out."

"What about Sergei?"

"What about him?"

"I did that because you were my friend and I wanted to help." Webb continued to try to play on his emotions, it had always worked before.

"You're right about one thing: I was your friend. And you'll never convince me there wasn't something in that for you. I don't know what it was, but I would be willing to bet it wasn't about me."

"The Company –"

"The Company, my ass, Webb." Harm had no patience for this man anymore; he had very nearly cost him everything, everything with Mac anyway.

Just then both men were startled by another voice in the room. AJ Chegwidden stood in the doorway. "He's not with the Company…..are you, Webb?"

Webb looked at AJ and tried to decipher what he meant and how much he knew. He had that slightly crazy look in his eyes, a look he had seen before.

"What would you know about it?"

"Oh, I know a great deal, Webb. Harm, let's you and I take a walk with Mr. Webb out to the courtyard…..shall we?"

When they reached the courtyard, AJ and Webb stood nearly toe to toe and Harm stayed slightly back.

AJ looked Webb directly in the eye. "I'm only going to say this once. Back the hell out of this, Webb. You want back in and the door is closed. I just spoke with Kershaw, your former boss'. You're out and you know it."

"I know you'll want this inform…."

AJ cut him off. "I know what you know and I know why you're here. You figure you'll drop just enough information for your 'friend' here to get the scent and you'll follow him where ever he leads you. Your days of using JAG staff for your own self promotion are over. I don't have the SecNav breathing down my neck anymore and I don't have to worry about propriety. I can nail your ass any time I want to."

AJ stepped a bit closer, and Webb backed up.

Harm stepped forward and placed a hand on AJ's shoulder. "It's time to go, Webb."

Webb continued to back away from them. "This is not over."

"Yeah….it is as far as you're concerned." Harm looked at him directly. "Let it go. This is not your concern and I don't want your help." With that Webb turned and walked away.

General Creswell had seen this exchange from the window of his office. He'd never met AJ Chegwidden, but he recognized him from pictures. He watched Harm nod back toward the building and AJ shake his head. They both sat on a stone bench. Creswell deduced that he must be one of the people asking around about the incident at Trafalgar for Rabb. He turned and stepped away from the window.

Another person observed from the window. She wondered when or if Harm was going to tell her about this. At least he had sent Webb away, which was obvious. It didn't look as though this was about her, or AJ would not have been involved. This had to be about his mother's death. 'Oh no, please don't start chasing ghosts again,' she thought.

AJ leaned forward. "Harm, that bomb had components that could have come from at least half a dozen countries in the Middle East. The car was registered to a student, a British citizen, who had reported it stolen 2 hours before. She can account for her whereabouts; it isn't thought that she knows anything."

Harm sat looking across the courtyard, trying to take in what he had just said. The impulse to try and follow up with this student was strong. But he could not now, he knew.

"Look Harm, it could still be IRA or any other terror group right now. Britain is our strongest ally in the war on terror and the war in Iraq. Whatever can be done to erode support for the current administration can be expected. They have an election coming up soon. Hell, this could be homegrown. America isn't the only country with people who want to take things in their own hands. That bombing in Spain cost us an ally – the terrorists won that round."

Harm smiled without humor. "Do you know what this situation reminds me of? The tremors we felt before September 11th. We were too content to wait it out, blame it on other things rather than believe that a group of people could hate us enough to want to kill thousands."

AJ frowned.

"You know, the first World Trade Center bombing, the embassies in Africa…the Cole.

What will they think if something on the scale of the train bombing in Spain happens? What makes people think it will stop if we don't fight them?"

"It is a faceless, stateless enemy, Harm."

"I hate that term."

"I know, I do too. But it is accurate."

Both men stood and shook hands. "Thank you, sir."

"You're welcome. If I hear anything else, I'll let you know." AJ started to walk away. He turned back toward Harm and said, "Don't allow Webb to weasel his way in…"

Harm interrupted him. "I won't." AJ nodded, and with that the men parted.

1945

Monday

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Mattie made dinner that night. She had said she had something she wanted to talk to Harm about. She made spaghetti with marinara sauce for Harm and a meat sauce for her and Mac. When they started to clear the table, Mac started to get her coat and leave.

"Where are you going?" Harm and Mattie both said at once.

"Well, I thought you might need to be alone. I don't want to intrude."

"You're not intruding, Mac. You know everything Harm knows anyway." Mattie smiled slyly and looked at Harm.

"Come on, Mac, let's go sit down and see what Ms Matilda has on her mind." Harm offered his hand and she took it. 'I don't know everything he knows' she thought. They needed to talk about what she saw. It would not be tonight, though. Harm had enough to deal with right now. 'Soon, Sailor' she thought.

Mattie sat in the chair opposite them on the couch. "Well, I think you both may know what this is about."

Harm did know... Mattie was going back to Blacksburg. He had known it was coming, and he knew it was best, but all of a sudden the thought of her going back pained him. Mac took his hand and closed her other hand over it. She did not look at him, looking instead at Mattie. It seemed to be instinctual now; she seemed to know when he needed that little bit of extra support.

"I think at the change of the semester, I'll be going back to Blacksburg….My dad and I have talked about it. Dad thinks it would be better for me grade wise if I wait, and I suppose he's right….Oh, not that I don't want to be here, but I think I want a life back there now."

Harm smiled at Mattie. She was a different girl than the one he'd met at Grace Aviation. Back then, she'd been a moody, brooding little girl, trying to be tough, breaking his heart when she would not allow herself to lean on anyone.

"Harm?"

"I'm sorry, Mats, I was just thinking about how different you are from when I first met you."

"I'm not as big of a pain in the butt as I was before, right?" Mattie smiled mischievously.

"Oh, I didn't say that."

"Hey…" Mattie picked up a pillow and threw it at Harm. Mac had his hand so he didn't block it well. It smacked him directly in the face knocking his head back on the couch.

Mattie stood. "Oh…Harm …I'm so..."

Harm looked directly at Mattie and slowly started to get up reaching for the pillow as he went.

"Mac…help me."

"Hey don't look at me; I'm just moral support here."

Mattie ducked as a pillow flew across the room and turned to run; she grabbed a pillow on her way and turned and busted Harm in the stomach.

"Oooff…Hey!" He caught her and turned her around. "You may be faster, kiddo, but I have a longer reach." He bent down to pick her up and threw her over his shoulder, and then dumped her back on the couch. Harm looked at her and smiled smugly. "Now let that be a lesson to you." He then turned to walk back toward the kitchen. A pillow flew across the room, hitting Harm in the back of the head.

Mattie and Mac both laughed hysterically. Harm turned and looked at Mac. "Traitor."

2230

Monday

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Mattie stayed until about 2100. Jen was out that evening with an old friend. Mattie could not recall her name. They played Scrabble, and Mac and Mattie were ganging up on Harm once again, making up words as they went.

They had gone to bed and slipped into their 'spoon'. Mac smelled of her 'Warm Vanilla Brown Sugar.' The scent would always remind him of the night he came back to Pennsylvania to find her waiting for him. She had felt so good in his arms – he couldn't have held back from her if his life had depended on it. He nuzzled her neck and kissed it.

"Are you sleepy, Mac?" he said hopefully.

Mac smiled to herself and turned slightly to look at him. "What did you have in mind, Sailor?"

He kissed her. "Oh, I could think of a few things…" He still could not get over the fact that he could be with her every night if he wanted to. His reactions were automatic; a touch, the sound of her voice, the scent of her skin drew him to her. He kissed her deeply.

"So, Mac, when are you going to make an honest man out of me?" Harm smiled as he spoke and leaned in to kiss her again.

"You're not honest?" Mac teased and kissed him back

"You know what I mean, Mac – when do you want to get married?"

Mac turned around and faced him, lying on her side. "You know we really should let our COs know what were planning to do."

"I know... I have been trying to think of the best way to go about this. I think I'll just put the request through, and then if the general has any questions or concerns we'll discuss them. I don't think he wants to know very much about any of us personally."

Mac raised her eyebrows.

"I didn't mean that in a negative way. Creswell is all business, and given the rollercoaster we've all been on over the last year I think it may be the best thing for all of us."

"Well, I can put my request through to Admiral Morris and then see where we go from there. We will have to be sure you and I aren't in the same courtroom after we're married….my god…after we're married. That sounds so unreal."

"Second thoughts, Mac?" Harm furrowed his brow.

"Not on your life, Sailor. You're in this for the long haul."

"Oh… really..." Harm reached across Mac and turned off her light, plunging the entire apartment into darkness.

"Harm…stop it!" She was laughing.

"Hey… what was that you just said?….you're in it fo…"

Harm didn't get to finish his sentence.

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

Will You Always Be There?

Chapter 41

Disclaimers: As previously stated

Spoilers: Anything up to and including Season 10; Any spoilers posted during Season 10 on spoiler boards mare also fair game.

A/N: Many thanks to aerogirl for her beta reading and excellent input.

1500

Thursday

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Gunnery Sergeant Victor Galindez pushed open the doors leading to the bullpen. He was looking for someone he knew. He saw General Creswell's name printed neatly on the window of the JAG's office. This was different. No Tiner, No Lt. Sims, someone else was in Commander Rabb's office. Colonel Mackenzie was in the judiciary now. It would be like starting all over again. He didn't care; he was home, back in uniform where he belonged.

Petty Officer Jennifer Coates stepped out of the outer office of the JAG.

"Petty Officer Coates."

"What brings you here, Gunnery Sergeant?"

"I'm just checking in. I'll begin my new duty station here tomorrow."

"Great, glad to have you aboard." Jennifer smiled and shook his hand, thinking, 'Just what we need – another Marine.'

Harm stepped into the bullpen and saw Coates and Gunny talking. "Gunny! You're back?'

"Yes sir. I start tomorrow." Victor was grinning from ear to ear.

"Glad to hear it."

"Excuse me, sirs. Better keep my nose to the grindstone." Coates nodded toward Creswell's office.

"That tough, huh?" They had a real squared away Marine, he knew.

Harm crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Not really. But he's different, that's for sure."

Gunny stood a little taller. 'Yes, I'm going to like it here,' he thought.

"Hey, how did that case you and Alicia were working on pan out?"

"The Wainwright case? Well, he's a free man now. Turns out the prosecutor involved in the case with held exculpatory evidence and that in addition to Teddy Lindsey for the defense… the poor guy didn't have a chance."

"That's good news. Who was the prosecutor, anyway?"

"A now-Congressman Bolton. Who I'm under the impression doesn't like JAGs much for some reason."

"The congressman who is on the House Armed Services Committee?" 'I can think of one reason,' Harm thought.

"That's the one."

"Welcome back to JAG, Gunny." Harm smiled slyly. They shook hands and parted.

Harm walked into his office, and as he sat down Petty Officer Coates buzzed in.

"Commander Rabb, Admiral Boone is on line 4 for you, sir."

"Thank you, Petty Officer."

Harm picked up the phone and punched the button. "Hello, sir."

"Rabb…Just wanted to talk with you about what I've been able to find out about London."

Harm sat back in his chair.

"I heard you had a visit from Mr. Webb Monday."

"Yes, I did."

"You haven't let him get involved in this, have you?"

"No sir, Admir...AJ was here not long after he arrived. Apparently even the Company has had it with Webb."

"I have it on good authority that even his mother is having a problem with him."

"I didn't know you had met her, sir."

"Yes, we've met. It has been a while. I don't know what it is, but there is something cold-blooded about that woman."

Harm smiled at the thought of how just how cold blooded she could be…when provoked. 'He doesn't know the half of it.'

"You may already know if AJ talked with you. The components of the bomb came from all over the Middle East."

"Yes, I heard."

"There's a lot of speculation, Rabb. It would not be wise to make any assumptions now about who did this."

"I know."

"Are you going to be alright waiting this out?"

"I think so. I've been warned by everyone who knows anything about it to let it be handled by the professionals. Even my new CO knows that I have friends looking into this, so if I want to keep my job I had better stay out of this. I don't like feeling this helpless. I know just enough about both British and American agencies to make me wonder what is truly being done."

"In other words, you know enough to make you dangerous."

Harm smirked. "Yeah, that's about right."

"You doing alright, Harm?" Tom wouldn't have said 'about Trish'. Harm knew.

"Yeah, I'm okay. How about you?"

Tom Boone was a bit taken aback by the question. "I'm fine," he said quickly.

There was a lot Harm didn't know, a lot he'd never know. Trish had a special place in his heart. She was a good friend before Hammer went MIA, and she had come to mean more to him later. They had gone out a couple of times, as friends, a few years after Hammer was missing. She had no word from him, but he was still alive for her, and even if Tom wouldn't have admitted then, he couldn't believe he wasn't out there somewhere too. He knew she could have been the one, but she had married that 'used car salesman' and that was the end of that.

"Sir?" It had gotten quiet on the line.

"Sorry about that."

"It's alright."

"I also heard that you ruffled the feathers of a congressman on the House Armed Services Committee."

"It wasn't intentional, but yes I did." Tom Boone was keeping is ear to the ground.

"Intentional or not, you need to remember that each party has their 'boys' in high ranking positions in all services. You need to be sure that you're not one of them."

"I know, sir. I remember what you said before. It's about getting the job done, not about who is in power. Besides, I really don't have to worry about positions of power for myself, not with my record."

"You never know, Harm," he said cryptically. "Hey, I'm getting out of here. I'll let you know if I hear anything else. I guess I had better talk with AJ before I call you, so that I'm not giving you information you already know."

"That's fine, sir. It's always good to hear from you."

"Thanks." He hesitated and then hung up.

Harm hung up his phone and he continued to look at it for a moment. Tom Boone seemed to live such a solitary life. He still couldn't keep himself from calling him 'sir,' though he had been retired for some time. He was his father's best friend. He was someone he respected more than most men he knew. He admired both him and AJ for their careers, the respect they had from their peers and subordinates. They were accomplished men of integrity. Anyone would want to emulate them; however, he dreaded their solitary lives.

He had never given up on a future with Mac completely, but as time passed he'd begun to wonder. For a while he'd thought that the best he could hope for was his career in the Navy (such as it was) and the possibility of helping Mattie grow up and get established on her own. Now he had Mac and a future. She just had to be okay. She was looking so much better. She seemed radiantly happy. He was too. He loved having her in his life.

"Hey Sailor…waiting for the phone to ring?" Mac stood in the doorway, smiling mischievously.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in court giving other good lawyers a hard time?" Harm smiled sheepishly. He was caught.

"We adjourned early and I wanted to see if you could secure early. I want to Christmas shop."

"Aw, come on, Mac. The mall? I have court in the morning." Harm knew he sounded whiny but he didn't care. All he wanted was a nice hot shower, a good dinner and Mac, not necessarily in that order.

"You'll be alright...you big baby…" Mac turned and stepped out the door. "Besides...I'll make it up to you." She raised her brows and laughed a little.

Harm's smile spread slowly across his face. He might be convinced. "Promises, promises, Mackenzie."

"I don't make promises I can't keep," she said laughingly.

"Hey, I'll meet you downstairs in about 20, okay?"

"Sounds good," she said as she walked down the hall.

1830

Thursday

Roberts's residence

Bud, Mikey and Big Bud sat in the den. Little AJ sat on the floor playing with his Legos.

"This stop loss business is a crock of sh–"

"Dad." Bud looked over at little AJ.

Big Bud rolled his eyes. He knew Bud was a better father than he had been, but having to watch what he said got on his nerves.

Mikey spoke up. "Look, Dad. You knew you were inactive reserve when you retired. Everyone is, for 15 years."

"You know, you're sounding more like an officer everyday, Mikey. They should call up the draft, that's what they should do."

"Look, Dad, I've submitted your records to a medical board of review. We'll just have to wait and see what they have to say." Bud was trying to be the peacemaker this time.

Mikey chimed in again. "I'll tell you right now, I would rather have an experienced enlisted man doing the job than some 'Joe Blow' who was drafted while bagging groceries at the Stop and Shop."

"Alright, you two. We're not battling this out here, tonight."

"Unbelievable...you'd never think he was raised by an enlisted man."

"Oh come on, Dad. I meant that as a compliment, not a put down. How did you get that from what I just said?"

"BUD!"

Bud's head snapped up. It was Harriet calling from upstairs. He ran to the base of the stairs and looked up. Harriet was pale as a ghost and was holding on to the wall. She had blood on her clothing from her upper thighs down. "Something's wrong, Bud…help me…"

Bud struggled up the steps and called to Mikey. "Call 911….Now!"

2340

Harms Apartment

North of Union Station

The phone startled Harm out of a deep sleep. Mac felt it and sat up.

"Rabb."

"Sir?"

"Bud…"

Silence.

"Bud, what's wrong?"

Mac was suddenly wide awake at the sound of alarm in Harm's voice.

"Sir, Harriet…she…" Bud cleared his throat. He was trying to pull himself together.

"Harriet is in surgery. The babies, they're here, but Harriet has had a lot of damage to her...well, she is in surgery now. The doctors say she'll be fine…"

"Bud, we're on our way."

"No, sir, I couldn't ask…I just wanted to know if you would inform General Creswell. I don't think I would handle the conversation very professionally right now. I'll talk to him first thing tomorrow. I'll know more about what's happening then."

"I'll do it, Bud, but we're still on our way."

Harm and Mac looked at each other and, without a word, dressed and started out to Bethesda.

As they pulled onto the Beltway, Harm opened his cellphone. He punched the familiar number.

"Chegwidden," said the voice on the other end of the line.

Chapter 42

0145

December 10th

Friday

National Naval Medical Center

Bethesda, Maryland

Harm and Mac swiftly made their way down the hallway toward the waiting room on the surgical deck. Bud was sitting on a bench pushed against the wall. He heard them approaching and stood.

"Bud?" Harm slowed his pace as he approached.

"Sir…I haven't heard anything yet."

Mac rested her hand on his arm. "She's going to come out of this, Bud."

Bud nodded. "She's been through so much. I should have known that this would be too much for her, after all the difficulties in the past. We are lucky to have little AJ and Jimmy. We should never have had more."

"Are the babies alright?" Mac asked.

Bud looked at her and with a distracted and hollow sound to his voice said, "Yes, I haven't seen them yet." Bud sat back down on the bench and leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees and bowing his head.

"That's great, Bud."

Harm and Mac sat down with Bud. "The doctor said that she had residual damage from the miscarriage and when we lost baby Sarah. The babies' weight contributed to the hemorrhage."

Mac looked at Harm over Bud's back briefly. Harm understood her feelings about baby Sarah now. He knew it pained her to think of the loss of her namesake.

A corpsman entered the waiting area. "Commander Roberts?"

Bud's head snapped up and he stood. "Your wife is in recovery, sir. Commander Fletcher will be in to see you shortly."

"Is she alright?"

"She is resting comfortably, sir. Commander Fletcher will answer any other questions you may have, sir."

"Thank you, Petty Officer."

Bud heaved a sigh of relief. He didn't know what he would have done if he had lost her.

Mac stood and offered to get Bud something to drink while he waited. She felt a little awkward and Harm seemed almost angry; not at her, but she wasn't sure what he was feeling. He just seemed very distant all of a sudden.

Harm watched Mac walk down the hallway. 'We are not going to go through this,' he thought. It just wasn't worth it to him. They had been so happy that he had forgotten the fear he'd felt when he thought he might lose her. Seeing Bud go through this tonight made him realize that nothing was worth that. They would adopt, raise foster kids, whatever. He would not take the slightest chance when it came to her life.

Commander Fletcher approached them. Harm and Bud both stood. "Commander Roberts?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Harm started to step away, but Bud stopped him and asked him to stay.

"Your wife is stable, Commander, and she will recover fully."

Bud heaved a sigh of relief.

"However, due to the damage to her uterus she had to undergo a partial hysterectomy. It was the only way to get the hemorrhage under control. She had lost a lot of blood prior to her surgery. She required 2 units during surgery."

Bud swallowed hard. "But she will be alright?"

"Yes, Commander, she will. She is asking for you, so I suggest you get down there and see her." Commander Fletcher smiled.

"Yes, ma'am."

Bud followed the commander down the hallway to see his wife, and Harm waited for Mac to return. She came a few minutes later carrying coffee in Styrofoam cups. Harm had been looking out the window, thinking about how to even begin to discuss what he was thinking with Mac. He turned and saw her coming and tried to smile.

Mac saw Harm turn toward her. To say he looked troubled would have been an understatement.

"Harm, is everything alright? Where is Bud?"

"He's going to see Harriet. She's going to recover – she'll be fine."

"Oh thank God." She sat the cups down and walked up to stand next to Harm. He had turned to look out the windows again. It was obvious he wasn't looking at anything.

"Hey, nice view, Sailor." She tucked herself under his arm, and he pulled her into an embrace. She drew back and looked him in the eye. He looked away, avoiding her gaze.

"Harm, talk to me."

He pulled her close again. "I just don't ever want to lose you, Mac. Being here, seeing what Bud was going through tonight… I don't want that to happen to us. Nothing is worth that."

"I'm getting better all the time, Harm. There's nothing more to worry about. Why are you so much more upset?" She drew back to look at him again and then she knew.

"It's about having children…isn't it?"

Harm pulled her close again and nodded.

"We don't have to even worry about that now. I won't be able to even begin to try until next year. We'll know so much more next year than we do now about how I'm doing."

"Mac, I don't want to take a chance, not with your life."

"I love my life too, Harm, but I'm not going to make a decision like that this quickly."

She looked at him with love and determination in her eyes.

"I just don't want you to leave me out of the decision, Mac. I can't be there for you if I don't know what's going on."

"I know that, Harm. While we are on the subject of leaving someone out of things, when are you going to talk to me about Webb coming to JAG to talk to you? I know this is probably not the time or the place, Harm, but I can't seem to find the right time. I wanted to talk to you about it that evening, but that was when Mattie told you about going back to Blacksburg."

Harm stepped out of her embrace and sat down on the bench. "How did you know about it?"

"I happened to look out my window and see you, AJ and Webb having a very heated discussion….Look, Harm, I wasn't spying on you." She sat down beside him.

He looked at her. "I know you weren't, Mac. I just want to know what happened. I wasn't sure how you'd feel about it. I didn't want to put that on you in addition to everything else we were going through."

"That's right, Harm…..We."

"Webb showed up uninvited and was promptly sent his way with a little help from AJ. He and Tom Boone are looking into some things for me. Keeter said he would talk with some of his contacts. I haven't heard from him yet. Look, Mac, I've been warned away from this by everyone from General Creswell to Admiral Boone." He turned and leaned forward on his arms. "I'm not going to do anything stupid this time, Mac. I don't want to take any chances with our future." He sat back up and looked at her directly in the eye. "I don't want you to either."

They heard footsteps approaching. AJ Chegwidden walked purposefully toward them. They stood.

"Harriet?"

"She's fine, sir." Harm answered.

"Outstanding"

Bud came down the hallway and joined them. He looked much better than he did before. He was smiling.

"Hello, sir." Bud shook AJ's hand. "Come and see my daughters."

They all followed Bud to the nursery and stood at the window. Bud knocked on the nursery door and had the lieutenant show the babies to their first visitors. They were small but very healthy. Their faces were round and red with shocks of black hair peeking out of their caps.

Bud was beaming, a complete change from his demeanor while in the waiting room earlier. AJ crossed his arms and leaned forward a bit, looking through the glass at the little girls.

"I guess it's a night for miracles."

Mac stood a little closer to Harm, and he drew her to him. "Do you believe in miracles, sir? she asked.

"Well I've been a skeptic in the past, I'll admit, but I'm looking at two miracles right now."

Mac nodded toward the babies. "Those two definitely qualify."

"Mac, those two babies are just one miracle – the other is the fact that you two are on the same page on anything, let alone in a relationship."

AJ smiled his wry smile. Harm and Mac both chuckled and Harm hugged Mac a little tighter. They couldn't argue with that.

AJ shrugged and said, "Hell, maybe it's a year for miracles. The Red Sox won."

They all laughed and remembered AJ's comment when he announced his retirement.

Bud came and stood beside AJ. "Have you two decided on names yet?"

"We have, Jennifer Bethany and Justice Brittany."

"Oh, Bud, that's great. Jen will be honored, I'm sure." Mac knew Jen would be pleased.

"She saved my life, Colonel; I wouldn't be here if it had not been for her. Harriet insisted and I agree."

Mac yawned. It was nearly 0300. "We better get you home, Marine," Harm said. "We have to be at staff call at 0830."

"I'll stay awhile with Bud." AJ patted Bud on the back. With that Mac and Harm went home to catch a couple of hours sleep before they had to begin their day.

Chapter 43

1730

Friday

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm replaced the receiver down on the phone. Mac just didn't know what she was in for. He couldn't keep the smile from his face. She just had to agree. He had left a message for her that said he couldn't meet for lunch but that he would see her at the apartment after work.

He had made arrangements with his grandmother, her pastor, looked into getting a marriage license, and spoke with Chaplain Turner. He had made reservations at Pineloch Forest Resort for a cabin. They could spend their time any way they liked. They could go to a five star restaurant, go dancing, go skiing, snow tubing or just stay hidden away in their cabin the whole time. He kind of liked that idea, but anything she wanted would suit him.

You only got married once, as far as he was concerned. They would discuss it tonight and put in for leave over the long weekend at Christmas. Surely all the Christmases that neither of them had taken leave would account for something. He turned off the computer and picked up his cover, turning off the light and closing the door behind him. He strode down the hall and out to the elevators, still smiling broadly.

General Creswell looked out to see him leaving. Everyone else had secured for the day. This was the face of an almost-married man if he had ever seen one he thought to himself.

1815

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Mac heard Harm put his key in the door. She had ordered pizza, no cooking tonight. She was dying to find out what General Creswell had said. Harm pushed open the door with the key still in the lock.

"Hi." He smiled sheepishly and looked at her from under the bill of his cover.

"Hello, Sailor…talk to me." She was so anxious that she didn't see the box in his other arm as he opened the door. When he had stepped fully into the room she saw it. He set the box down on the dining room table and took off his cover and then opened it. They were roses, deep red and beautiful.

"Oh, what have you done? Oh no, he didn't say no, did he?"

Harm thought this might be an opportunity to give her a hard time but he was so excited about what he had planned he couldn't wait to tell her. "He approved the request."

Mac launched herself into his arms. "Oh!" she squealed. "I was so afraid he would deny it" She leaned back and looked at him "Every now and then I still get paranoid about something coming between us. I don't want anything to keep us apart." She hugged him again.

Harm smiled to himself, still surprised at the unguarded emotion Mac was able to show him, he would never tire of it.

"Come on, Mac, come sit down for a minute."

"Aren't you hungry? I ordered some dinner...I… "

"It'll keep. I want to talk to you about something." He took off his coat and loosened his tie. He took her hand and led her to the couch.

Mac thought he looked like the cat that ate the canary. "What are you up to, Flyboy?"

"Marry me Christmas Eve, Mac." He knew he was just blurting it out, but he also knew he stood a better chance of not putting his foot in his mouth if he said it quickly.

Mac drew in a breath sharply. "What?"

"Marry me Christmas Eve." He was starting to worry.

"Harm…I..."

"Come on, Mac, no more sad Christmases for us. Let's make it our best day, our happiest day." He pulled her closer to him and looked at her directly in the eye. "Come on."

As she looked back at him she decided in an instant, she would do it. She was ready to put all the pain of the past behind her and she saw now that Harm was ready too. "I'll do it."

Harm laughed from pure joy and pulled her into his embrace.

"How will we do this, Harm? We've got two weeks." Mac pulled back and looked at him questioningly.

"Well, this is where you are going to have to trust me." He smiled mischievously.

"What have you been up to this afternoon? No wonder you couldn't meet me for lunch."

She sat back and placed her hand on her hip.

"Okay, now this is just tentatively set up. You can change anything or everything…as long as you marry me...okay?" He raised his eyebrows and was already giving her his best puppy dog look.

"Alright, spill it, Sailor." She already knew she was ready to go to a justice of the peace with the way he was looking at her now.

"How would you feel about getting married in Belleville?"

Mac was a bit taken aback. It was perfect but she hadn't even considered that. "Oh, Harm…I love the idea, but what about Annapolis? I just assumed you would want to be married there."

"I used to think I did. The Academy still means a lot to me. It occurred to me after I spoke with General Creswell, when he was talking about how busy we would all be over the next six months. He also said that during the holidays our case loads would slow down a bit. I thought it might be the only opportunity we would have until next summer." He took her hand in both of his hands. "I don't want to wait that long….do you?"

"No." 'Wow, this is moving fast, Harmon Rabb moving at the speed of light,' she thought

"The chapel would have been impossible to get...so I spoke with Grandma's pastor and the church would be available early in the afternoon. It will already be decorated for Christmas Eve evening services. Chaplain Turner as agreed to perform the ceremony. Grandma will put him and Sturgis up the night before, and the early service will get them back to their families in time to celebrate the holidays."

"What about guests and our reception?" Mac started to think of the logistics: Christmas, the distance, and so on.

Harm looked down at their joined hands. "Mac I just want our close friends and family. It's too soon after losing my Mom for a big celebration." Harm gave her a sad smile. "She would have loved it, though...wouldn't she?"

Mac kissed his cheek. "Yes, she would have."

The more Mac thought about this, the better she liked the idea. The elaborate wedding she and Mic had planned had been almost overwhelming, and as time went on became less and less about them and more about details...details that didn't really matter in the long run. They couldn't make up for what they really had never had. Real love.

"Who would we invite?"

"Oh, I thought maybe Keeter, Tom Boone, Mattie and Tom, the Chegwiddens, Grandma, the O'Reillys." He looked at her questioningly. "We can get everyone together to celebrate our wedding after we get back."

"Sounds good – maybe Chloe can make it too. It's probably going to be too soon for Bud and Harriet."

Being a part of their wedding had meant a lot to her. Looking at Harm across the aisle, he'd looked for all the world like a movie star; she thought she had seen something then. He had looked at her during the vows, for just a few seconds, their eyes had locked. When she allowed herself to think about it, she imagined he felt more for her than he let her see. He had been so hard to read then.

"Do you remember their wedding?"

"How could I forget? The day before I was accused of being a stripper in my off hours and got a beer bottle broken over my head."

"I seem to recall bailing some sailors out of jail the night before." She laughed.

"The look on your face when you saw the admiral… while you were scolding us was priceless." Harm laughed and pulled her close.

"Do you remember the wedding itself?" She was fishing, she knew, but she couldn't help herself.

"Yeah, I remember – I remember how beautiful you were that day. It had been a while since I had seen you dressed like that. It may have been the NATO Ball."

"Oh, you mean back when you thought of me as your sister?" She teased.

"Knock it off, Marine. You know I didn't see you that way. I remember looking at you for a moment during the ceremony. It was one of the times I asked myself why you and I weren't more than friends." His look softened and he kissed her. "I'm so glad were not there anymore."

"Me too. So, Harm, where will we go for our honeymoon?" She raised her eyebrows and smiled.

"That's where you'll have to trust me. I want to make it a surprise." He smiled slyly.

"How will I know what to pack?"

"Pack a little bit of everything. You're a Marine, just use your initiative." He laughed.

She punched him lightly on the chest. "Don't knock Marine initiative, Sailor. It has saved your six more than once."

"No arguments there. No kidding, Mac, I want to make this a Christmas and wedding gift combined." He pulled her close again and kissed her. "Okay?"

She would have agreed to just about anything. She wondered if he understood the power he had over her now. She kissed him back, more sensuously and passionately, and looked at him through half closed eyes. "Okay."

Mac drew back for a moment. "So...um...are you hungry?" she asked with a slow sly smile.

Harm nodded, still looking at her lips.

"Okay, I'll warm up the pizza." Mac started to slip out of his embrace.

Harm moved close again, not releasing her, and looked at her in the eye. "Pizza?" and pushed her back on the couch.

1400

Friday

December 17th

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

The week had gone by at lightning speed. Their leave for the 23rd through the 28th had been approved. Case load had not been heavy but it had been complicated. Harm sat at his desk looking at a brochure for Pineloch Forest. He had just called to have some special things arranged for Mac when they arrived Christmas Eve night. The sound of his intercom pulled him from his reverie.

"Commander Rabb, you have Mattie on line 5."

Harm picked up the phone and answered. "Hey, kiddo. What's up?"

"Hey yourself. I'm just getting ready to get out of town with Dad and I wanted to say goodbye and that I can't wait till the wedding."

"Well, you guys drive carefully and I'll look forward to seeing you both." There was a silence on the line which was not at all like Mattie. "What's on your mind, Mats?"

"Harm I don't want to pry or be a busy body…I could be totally wrong and I don't want to cause a problem for Jen."

"Just tell me, Matilda."

"I'm just worried about Jen. She really seems to be having a harder time than I thought she would about me going back to my Dad. I know it's not official until next month but I don't know...it's hard to explain." Mattie blew out a breath.

"What is she doing that has you so concerned?"

"Well, her old friend, the one I told you about before, she has been spending a lot of time with her."

"That doesn't sound bad..."

"It is just that this girl…really woman is …different."

"How is she different?' Harm was having a hard time following this. It sounded like Mattie's intuition was kicking in at an early age…once again.

"Okay…I mean she is the same age as Jen...but she seems really older…and harder…I don't know."

"There's something else, Mattie."

"Okay…I overheard her talking to someone on the phone. She was talking about Jen and she didn't sound like much of a friend. I think she's in some kind of trouble and that she is using her in some way….I don't know, I know I shouldn't have been listening, but …I just felt that something wasn't right. I know that there is a chance that I'm wrong…but I don't think I am…you know?"

The scary thing was that Harm did understand. Mattie wasn't the type of person to immediately dislike a person without reason. She may be having trouble expressing her concerns, but she had to rely on her instincts when she was on her own. He trusted them.

"Don't worry Mattie, I'll look into it."

"Please don't say anything to her, Harm. I don't want her to think I'm spying on her."

"I know, Mattie, don't worry. Just go and have a great time with your Dad and the rest of your family. I'll see you in Belleville."

"Okay…love you, Harm."

"Love you too, kiddo."

Harm hung up, deciding it was time to take a little stroll into the bullpen and try and get a handle on what was going on with Jennifer Coates.

Harm walked into the bullpen. Major McBurney and Commander Coleman were making their way out and toward the elevators.

"Commander." McBurney nodded.

"Major. Heading for Gitmo?"

"Yeah, you want to join us?" he smirked.

"No thanks…Hey it could be worse, you could be heading back to Iraq."

McBurney laughed. "I think I'd almost prefer it."

Commander looked from Harm to McBurney. She said nothing, she just continued toward the elevators. Harm opened the doors to the bullpen and glanced over his shoulder. He did not envy McBurney now, that was for sure. He wondered if she slept in that uniform. He shook his head and walked toward Gunny's desk.

Gunny had been watching him approach. "Can I help you, sir?" He looked through the glass doors as the elevators closed on Commander Coleman and Major McBurney. Harm followed his gaze; he wouldn't be sharing what he had just been thinking, that was for sure.

"Gunny, are you busy right now?"

"Just finishing a few things, sir."

"I may need your help with something. I need any information you can get on a Pia Bonfilio."

"Will do, sir."

Harm looked toward Jen's desk. "Oh, and keep this to between us."

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

Will You Always Be There?

Chapter 44

Disclaimers: As previously stated.

Spoilers: Anything up to and including 'One Big Boat' and any spoilers floating around out there

A/N: Many thanks to aerogirl for her input and beta reading

1645

Friday

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Petty Officer Jennifer Coates was clearing her desk, getting ready to secure for the day. She buzzed into the general's office. "Sir, I'm just finishing up for the day. Is there anything I can do for you before I leave?"

"No, Petty Officer, thank you."

"Yes sir." Jen shook her head slowly. She always had the feeling that she was annoying him. One thing was sure: she would never have the comfort level she'd had with the admiral. She sighed heavily and turned off her computer.

"Tough day, Petty Officer?" Harm stood just outside her office. Since General Creswell had taken office even the commander kept his distance.

"No sir, I'm fine." She smiled at him. He seemed to be doing fine with Mattie going back to live with her father. 'He's had more time to adjust to it,' she thought. She had been like a sister to Jen. She hadn't been this close to anyone since her mother. She had friends, if you wanted to call them 'friends'. She never had really trusted anyone; Pia was as close as she had gotten, but that was different somehow. "How about you, sir?"

Harm smiled. "I'm fine, Petty Officer." Just like Jen to turn the question back to him.

"Big plans this weekend, sir?" Jen was steering the questions away from her.

"Mac and I haven't really made any plans yet."

"I'm meeting an old friend of mine at McMurphy's tonight. You could say we used to get in a little bit of trouble together when we were younger. I'd like to help her, sir, the way you helped me." Jen looked at Harm sincerely.

She looked so young to Harm. She was nearly 28 years old but she looked about 18.

"If you and the colonel are out tonight, drop by. I'd love to introduce you to her."

"We may do that. Maybe that will help me keep Mac out of the mall." Harm smiled.

Jen thought the commander looked so happy, and she was happy for him. She needed to get a life too. Someday. Jen got her cover and her purse and began to walk toward the door. Just then the door to General Creswell's office opened and both Harm and Jen were startled.

"I thought you were securing for the day, Petty Officer." The general looked at her with an unreadable expression. Both Jen and Harm came to attention, to which the general ordered them to stand easy.

"Yes sir, I'm on my way out." Jen hurried out the door.

"Can I help you, Commander?"

"Oh no…sir, I am just on my way out as well." Harm turned to leave.

"Very well." The general turned back into his office and closed the door. He chuckled to himself. 'No, they aren't getting –too- comfortable with me yet,' he thought.

Harm and Jen walked out of the bullpen toward the elevators. Gunny walked into the bullpen from the stairwell. "A word with you, sir?"

"Yeah, Gunny – excuse us, Petty Officer."

"Sir." Jen continued toward the elevators. She opened the glass doors to the bullpen

and stepped out.

"The petty officer's friend has a rap sheet a mile long, sir." Gunny handed a file to Harm.

"Are you leaving for the day, Gunny?"

"Yes sir, I'm on my way out."

"Walk with me then. I don't want to take a chance on the general getting wind of this. He seems to pop up out of nowhere."

Gunny smiled. 'What do you know, the general has the commander looking over his shoulder,' he thought. "Yes, sir."

Gunny and Harm walked out into the parking lot. Harm opened the file. "Looks like her friend just got of jail."

"Yeah, mostly petty theft until she got involved with this guy." Gunny stood next to Harm and pulled back a couple of pages. It was a mug shot of a very dangerous looking man. His prison tattoos were clearly visible, even from the shoulders up. "Grand theft auto."

"Nice looking guy," Harm said sarcastically. "Looks like he's wearing a lot of 'prison art.'"

"Yeah, he did quite a stretch for drug trafficking. He's been out for 4 years. He's been brought in a few times on suspicion of returning to his old trade, but police haven't been able to make anything stick."

"This could be bad for Jennifer."

"Sir, no disrespect intended, but what is Petty Officer Coates to you?"

Harm looked up from the file sharply. He looked at Gunny directly in the eye. "What exactly are you asking me, Gunny?"

"I didn't mean to imply that you had an inappropriate relationship with her, sir. This just seems pretty personal, you know."

"Petty Officer Coates came to JAG after your time, Gunny. She had a rough beginning in the Navy, but with some intervention from Mac and myself, we were able to help her get back on the right track. She was assigned to the Seahawk; she was Bud's legalman, and if she had not been with Bud when he stepped on that mine I don't think he would be alive today. She was assigned here later that year."

Harm and Gunny turned and walked toward his SUV. "She helped a lot with Mattie, my ward. When I had to be out of town, she made sure she was well taken care of until I got back. I don't think I would have been able to maintain custody her if she had not helped me."

"May I ask what made you suspicious of her friend?"

Harm crossed his arms in front of his chest. "My ward Mattie overhead Pia talking on the phone about Jen. Mattie was worried about her. I thought I'd look into it, set her mind at ease and move on. She and Mattie share an apartment in my building."

Gunny raised his eyebrows. If it were anyone else but the commander, he would be very suspicious of this set up.

"I understand, sir, and again I didn't mean to imply anything."

"It was an honest question, Gunny, and you got an honest answer. Mac and I may go to McMurphy's tonight while we're out. Jen wants to introduce me to her –friend-."

He opened the car door and started to get in. "Thanks for your help with this, Gunny."

"You're welcome, sir." Gunny thought he might just drop by McMurphy's himself. What he had uncovered had his curiosity up.

1930

Friday

December 17

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Mac was leaning against the bathroom sink, talking to Harm while he was in the shower.

"Hey, do you feel like going out tonight?" Harm was putting shampoo in his hair and lathering it up.

This was yet another time when he looked so young. His hair going in every direction, all that soap and water running down his back as he turned to rinse it out …Oh God, never mind. She smiled to herself and shook her head.

Harm turned off the shower, turned around and leaned out of the shower door. "What's on your mind, Mackenzie?"

"Oh, nothing." Mac started to walk out of the room when Harm decided he needed her towel.

"Harm!...give me my towel!" Mac made a grab for it while trying to stay out of his reach.

"It's cold in here."

"Well, it's warm in get it… if you think you can take it away from me."

Mac made a grab for the towel, and Harm got a good grip on her arm, pulling her into the shower and immediately turning it on over her head.

"Ohhh!" She blew water out of her mouth. "You jerk! I just dried my hair, I was already cleaned up!"

Harm tossed the towel out of the shower and pulled her from under the shower into his arms. "Well, let me see….maybe we should –" Harm kissed her deeply and broke the kiss. "–just make sure."

2035

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Harm walked into the living room in jeans and a flannel shirt that he left unbuttoned.

Mac followed not long after. She had also put on a pair of jeans and a red pullover. Harm loved her in red; any shade she wore looked beautiful on her.

"Do you still want to go out, Harm?"

Harm looked at the clock. It was later than he thought. Mac in that towel had made him lose all track of time and what he wanted to do tonight.

"I kind of told Jen we might drop by McMurphy's tonight and meet a friend of hers,"

Harm told her as he was walking away from her; he glanced over his shoulder, looking very much like he was up to something.

"Harm, what aren't you telling me?" Being direct seemed to be the best approach with him these days.

'When did she get so perceptive?' he thought. He sat down on the couch, holding out his hand to her, and she sat beside him. "Mattie called me today before she left for Christmas break with her dad. She mentioned that she was worried about Jen, about how she was adjusting to her going back to Blacksburg. She was also worried about this old friend of Jen's being in some kind of trouble."

"And she wanted you to look into it?" Mac didn't think Mattie would ask that.

"She didn't ask me to do anything – she was just worried and I knew it. When she told me about it, I thought I'd do a little digging and see what I came up with."

"Did you come up with anything?" She was arching that eyebrow; there was a lecture coming…he knew it.

"Well yeah…Gunny found that this Pia Bonfilio has quite a rap sheet…"

"You asked Gunny to help you with this?" Mac couldn't believe this.

"It's not that big a deal, Mac…" 'What was going on here?' he thought. He believed that it was his responsibility to look out for Jen. He saw her the same way he saw Mattie: a person who needed his guidance and sometimes his protection….even if she didn't always do as he said.

The phone rang. Harm got up from the couch and answered the phone, turning to give Mac a stern look as he answered. "Rabb."

"Sir…its Gunny. Listen, I'm at McMurphy's and I think you may want to come down and have a look."

"What's going on, Gunny?"

"Nothing yet…maybe nothing now, but I have no doubt that these two are trouble for Coates. It maybe a good idea for these two to meet you. If they know she's not alone in the world, maybe they will be less likely to try and pull her in to whatever mess they're planning…If you don't mind my saying so, sir."

"I'll be right down, Gunny." Harm started for the door. "Look, Mac, I think I have to go down and meet these people."

"You're right. We should go down and meet them." Mac got up, and they both got their coats and walked toward the door.

They drove in silence for a few moments.

"You sure changed your mind quickly, Marine."

"I just thought that if Gunny was worried enough about this to call you, that something must be wrong."

"Oh…it's okay for Gunny to get into this but not me? He doesn't even know her, Mac."

"That's just it. It isn't about being overprotective, it -is- about the Gunny's ability to be objective..."

"Oh, great – I don't know how to be objective? Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mac."

Mac turned to look at him lovingly. "Harm, when it comes to people you care about, you still lead with your heart. It's one of the things I love most about you."

Harm smiled and shook his head. She blew him away with one sentence. How was he ever going to win any arguments at home? They stopped at a red light, and he reached for her hand as he leaned across and kissed her gently.

"I'll talk to Jen and tell her my concerns."

"Thank you."

Chapter 45

Disclaimers: I don't own any of these JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything up to Camp Delta and any spoilers floating around out there are fair game

2110

McMurphy's Bar

Georgetown

Coates spotted Harm and Mac as they entered the bar. They saw her and made their way toward the table. Gunny sat at the bar across the room. Jen introduced Pia and her boyfriend Vince Young. His appearance had changed from the photo in the file. His head had been shaved in the picture and now his hair was nearly to his shoulders. The tattoos on his neck were covered by the combination of his hair and his collar. His features were almost handsome, but the dark, almost dead look of his eyes hardened his chiseled face.

He extended his hand to shake Harm's; Mac chose to nod and say hello. Vince looked a little too long at Mac and Harm caught his eye, warning him off with a look. The man smirked his smile and whispered to Pia.

She was Jen's age but looked about 10 years older. She and Jen were the same height and build. Their hair was nearly the same color and they had similar coloring, but Pia's face had hardness about it. She didn't look as menacing as her boyfriend, but there was not a lot of difference as far as Harm was concerned. They both were trouble and he knew it.

"We're going to have to go, Jen. Me and Vince have a few things we need to do." With that they stood, and Jen walked with them to the door. They exchanged pleasantries as they left, Harm looking hard at Vince. Maybe Gunny had been right. Maybe they just needed to know that Jennifer had friends close by.

Mac was now as concerned as Harm had been. Something didn't feel right about those two. They left too quickly, as though they didn't want to let them get a chance to have a conversation with them.

Jen walked back to the table. "I'm glad you got a chance to meet her, sir. I didn't know her boyfriend was in town."

"I'm glad we caught you before you left." Harm smiled at her as they sat down.

"Couldn't keep her out of the mall, sir?" Jen looked at him questioningly.

Harm smirked. "Yeah…something like that. …Can I get you two something to drink?"

"Sure," Mac answered him, and he got up to walk toward the bar. "Just my usual."

"Nothing for me, thanks." She turned to Mac as Harm walked away. "Congratulations, ma'am."

"Thanks, Jen." She felt a blush creeping up her neck

Harm walked up to the bar where Gunny sat. He ordered a drink for himself and Mac.

"Good eye, Gunny. He did a pretty good job of changing his appearance since that photo was taken."

"What do you think, sir?"

"I'm glad you called me. I think you may have been right about our making an appearance here tonight. I'm going to have to figure out a way to let Jen know our concerns. I need to let her know about Pia and her boyfriend without…."

"Pissing her off, sir?" Gunny didn't know Jen well but he had the impression she wouldn't like this.

"Yeah." That was it. The more he thought about Mac's reaction the more he realized he may have gone about this backwards.

"Tell you what, sir, why don't I just walk back over to your table with you and strike up a conversation with Coates. I have a law enforcement background. They both have records in more than one state. I can tell her I am familiar with their records and just go from there. What she does after that is up to her."

"I don't want to put you in this position, Gunny. I don't want you to lie." Harm looked away from him feeling more than a little guilty for pulling him into this now. Gunny was a good man. He had missed having him as part of the team at JAG.

"I don't intend to lie; sir. I –am- familiar with their records and I did work in law enforcement. I just won't fill in the blanks." He smiled a sly smile.

"You don't know Coates – she can be very perceptive." Harm grinned sheepishly. He hadn't been able to hide much from her since he met her.

"Well she doesn't know me yet either, so it could work."

"It's worth a try, I suppose. Come on, Gunny, and remember…I tried to talk you out of this."

"Leave it to me, sir."

Gunny followed Harm back to the table. "Hello, Gunny." Mac smiled but didn't act surprised to see him. She already felt deceitful not letting Jen in on what they already knew. They sat down and exchanged small talk for a few minutes. Jen had a nodding acquaintance with Gunny and had seen him in the office so they were able to talk shop.

Harm took Mac's hand. "Come on…dance with me."

"Harm, there's no music." Mac looked around the room, there was a small dance floor but no band in sight.

"Let's find something on the jukebox. They have a lot of good Motown…remember?"

"Oh yeah..."She stood and asked, "Do you think they have 'I Heard it Through the Grapevine'?"

Harm had begun walking toward the jukebox. He looked sharply over his shoulder and gave her hand a tug. "Come on, Mackenzie."

Gunny and Jen watched them walk toward the dance floor. Jen looked at Gunny. "About time, huh?"

Gunny nodded. "You don't know the half of it."

Mac stepped into Harm's embrace as the music began. They were both laughing at what appeared to be a private joke. Chaka Khan sang 'doncha hear me talkin' baby, love me now or I'll go crazy…oh oh you're my sweet thing…" That line seemed especially funny for some reason.

Gunny caught a wistful look on Jen's face. He was still looking at her when she turned to him. She looked at him directly. "It's not what you think."

"What do I think?" There was nothing going on, Gunny knew, but he also knew what he saw on Jen's face was a little more than an enlisted person's admiration for her superior officer.

She looked back at Harm. "I do look up to him. I admire him. I can't deny that. He's the only person who…" Her voice broke.

"Hey…look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry. I didn't mean..." Gunny suddenly felt like a heel.

"It's okay…you don't know me really. What I meant to say was, I owe him a lot, but it is more than a debt...you know?"

"I think so." Gunny really wasn't sure.

"He helped me when no one else would, so I wanted to help him too. I mean, I would never…and if I thought he were the kind of officer that would pull something like that, I wouldn't want anything to do with him...you know?" Jen looked at him, searching his face. Suddenly it was very important that she not be misunderstood.

Gunny smiled. "I understand, Coates."

"After this conversation I think you can call me Jen," she laughed.

Gunny shook her hand. "Victor."

"Well, Victor…let's dance."

Harm and Mac danced in a loose embrace. Mac leaned back and looked at Harm.

"What are you two up to?"

"Oh nothing, really." Harm looked down at her with a mischievous grin.

"Come on, Sailor, spill."

"Okay, okay…We are going to tell her….in a round about way…what we found out today."

"Good." She hugged him a little tighter.

"You were right; I should have talked to her first."

Mac snapped her head up and back and looked at Harm. "What?"

He pulled her back into his arms. "Don't rub it in, Marine."

They returned to their table and Jen and Gunny followed not long after. Harm and Mac left before much longer. Jen watched them walk toward the door. They both seemed to radiate happiness. They were so different now. Last year whenever they were in the same room you could have cut the air with a knife. They didn't even look at each other most of the time, and when they did communicate they each seemed determined to inflict pain on the other.

"Jen?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, lost in thought. I was just remembering how they were last year. It was pretty awful."

"They always had an adversarial relationship."

"No…be glad you missed last year. When they clashed last year, they didn't stop until they drew blood."

"People change…I suppose." 'This could be a good way to start the conversation about Vince and Pia,' he thought.

"Yeah…I did." She smiled with pride.

"That's what I heard." Gunny listened, becoming more intrigued with her story.

"Pia and I used to be a couple of hell raisers. I figure if I can get my life straight, she can too."

She was taking the conversation just where he wanted to go.

"How long has it been since you saw her? You just made first class, so it has to have been a while."

"It's been about eight years. She's been in some trouble, she told me, but she says she wants to get straight once and for all."

"Do you know her boyfriend?" Gunny hoped she wouldn't suspect his question.

"No, he came out of nowhere tonight. Pia has to move some things into my apartment; he's going to help her. She's going to move in after Mattie goes to Blacksburg permanently. She doesn't have a lot, but she's afraid that if she doesn't get it out of her car and her motel that it will be stolen. So…"

"Sounds like she's got a good friend." Gunny smiled and winked.

Jen blushed. "Yeah…and hey, I forgot to tell you…you dance pretty well for an old guy."

"Old guy?...I'm not that old. I don't have more than…oh maybe...eight years on you."

Jen laughed. "More like ten."

"Then you're not more than twenty-six." Gunny narrowed his eyes and grinned at her.

"Twenty-seven," Jen said smugly.

Gunny became serious all of a sudden. "You know, I used to work in law enforcement."

"No kidding…I used to be a –problem- to law enforcement." She was having fun.

"You know, that guy looked familiar…that's why I asked you if you knew him."

"No, I don't, really…you're not kidding, are you?"

"No, I'm not…look, you don't really know me, Jen, but if I'm not mistaken this guy has been in some major trouble."

"How do you know this?"

"Look, I got out for a few years. I was a deputy sheriff in New Mexico for a while. I've seen that face before. He has a little more hair and his prison tattoos are covered but I'm positive he is someone who has been in some major trouble."

Jen looked at him steadily. She wasn't sure what to make of this man. She had heard about him from Bud and Harriet. She had never heard a bad thing about him, but Pia was her friend and she said Vince was okay.

"Hey, I'm not telling you what to do. I just know that he's done some time and of course you already know about the time your friend did." He wasn't sure she knew, but it was one way to tell her without confronting her with it directly.

Jen nodded, but she did –not- know about Pia being in jail. She wasn't going to tell him that, though. She looked down at her hands, saying nothing.

"I'm sorry if I overstepped."

She looked at him then, not quite sure what to make of him. He had nothing to gain by telling her this. Did the commander know? "Did you talk to Commander Rabb about what you know and what you suspect about her boyfriend?"

"Yes, I did." He hoped he had not made an enemy of her, but now that he had seen them and met Jen, he felt he had made the right decision. This was a minefield of another kind. Oh well, the first step is always the hardest one.

"He was concerned, Jen. You have a lot of friends at JAG. Friends who don't want to see you get into any trouble."

She knew he was right. "I know." She looked away from him. Tears stung her eyes. She had been so lucky to find them all.

Gunny leaned forward across the table a bit and caught her eyes. "So, are we going to be friends?"

Jen looked up, blinking the tears away and smiled at him. "I think I'd like that."

2330

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Harm and Mac stepped out of the elevator. Harm looked down the hallway toward Jen's apartment and saw a note taped to the door. It read "Jen…Gone for a few days. See you after Christmas. Pia"

It looked as though Gunny's suggestion had worked. They were probably out of the state by now, Harm thought.

"Looks like Jen's friend and her companion have moved on." Harm said smugly.

"I hope you're right, for Jen's sake." Mac raised eyebrows.

Harm took her hand and they went back to his apartment door. Mac yawned sleepily.

"Looks like it's about time I put you to bed, Mackenzie." Harm kissed her cheek after he unlocked the door.

"Sounds like a plan." She stepped in the doorway and slipped her coat off.

Harm had flipped on the light by the door and then he scooped Mac up in his arms. He carried her to his bed and pretended that he was going to dump her on the bed.

"Don't you do it, Sailor," Mac said in her best mean Marine voice, but with a smile on her face.

"Oh...I don't know, Mac….I think I owe you for that 'I Heard It Through The Grapevine' crack."

Mac laughed out loud. "If I go, you're going with me."

Their laughter carried out to the hall and Jen heard them when she passed their door. She saw the note and read it. She wondered if Pia would be back.

Jennifer needn't have wondered. Pia and Vince would return for what they had hidden in her closet.

Chapter 46

Disclaimers: I don't own any of these JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story.

Spoilers: Anything up to Camp Delta and any spoiler floating around out there

A/N: Thanks to aerogirl for the beta reading and encouragement

1345

Saturday

December 18th

Roberts Residence

Harm and Mac stood on the front porch and rang the door bell. Harm stepped closer to Mac and placed his arm around her. "Are you going to be okay with this?"

"Of course...why wouldn't I be?" Mac looked at him questioningly.

"I just thought that..." He was getting ready to place his foot squarely in his mouth.

"Never mind." He kissed her temple.

"Harm...I…" She was fine...he needed to stop worrying about whether or not they would be able to have biological children. It was too far in the future as far as she was concerned.

Bud interrupted them by opening the door. "Hello sir…ma'am."

"Bud," they both said at once. They had both hoped he would relax a bit once he made lieutenant commander.

"I'm sorry…I just don't think I'll ever be able to do that." He invited them in and they made their way into the den. Harriet sat in a rocking chair with one of the girls and the other baby lay in a bassinette near the chair.

"Hello, Mommy," Mac teased as she approached her.

"Hi, come see my girls." Harriet beamed. She was so proud.

Mac had not been to see the babies since they were born. She had not avoided them; it had only been a little over a week and she wanted to give Harriet a chance to recover before visiting...

"They already look so different," Harm said.

Mac walked over to the bassinette to see a sleeping baby Jennifer.

Harriet knew she wanted to hold one of them. "Here, come and hold Justice while Jennifer is sleeping. She's wide awake, but I don't know how long that will last. They're both sleeping a lot…Thank God."

Mac lifted the baby carefully from Harriet's arms, and then sat down on the couch, cradling the baby in her arms. Justice looked at her as though she were studying her. "Hello, sweetheart." The baby's eyes opened wider.

Bud walked up beside the arm of the couch. "Say hello to your Aunt Mac, sweetie."

The baby turned toward her father's voice.

Harm had been looking at baby Jennifer, but when Mac spoke to Justice, he began to walk toward them. Seeing her hold the baby made his heart ache. He hadn't been prepared for this. All he knew was that he never wanted to lose Mac. He still didn't want to risk her life, but he realized now that he had wanted -their- children too. He sat down next to Mac and leaned in to say hello. The baby turned again toward the voice.

"Isn't it disgusting…babies seem to focus more on a male voice than a female voice….how fair is that?" Harriet chuckled, bracing her abdomen with a small pillow.

"How are you doing, Harriet?" Harm wanted to know; he needed the reality check.

Oh, I'm fine…I'm resting pretty well. Jen came by for a while the first two nights I was home. Bud helps and really little AJ and Jimmy seem to be entertaining each other these days. It's almost too perfect."

Just then baby Jennifer made herself known with a piercing wail. Harriet looked at the clock. "Right on time."

Bud leaned down and lifted the baby from Mac's arms. "Let's go into the kitchen and have coffee so Harriet can feed baby Jen." He smiled at Harm, noting the almost panicked look on his face as he quickly got up and left the room.

They sat in the kitchen and drank their coffee while Justice slept soundly in the crook of her father's arm. Harm noticed how much at ease Bud was with the baby. He seemed barely aware of her at times, but then she would squirm a bit and he would automatically comfort her, seemingly unaware he had done so. Mac and Bud were talking about the difference in the twins' sleeping and eating habits. Harm had quietly listened before becoming lost in his own thoughts. Harriet walked gingerly into the kitchen.

"Hey, honey, we could have come back in to you." Bud frowned slightly with concern.

"It's okay, Bud. I needed to get out of that chair for a while. I wanted to come in here and have an adult conversation with someone besides you, honey."

They all laughed, and Harriet braced herself with her pillow. "Come on, we need to catch up." Harriet nodded toward their sunroom which was beautifully decorated for the season. A beautiful Fraser fir sat in the middle of the room, decorated with silver and gold ribbons and ornaments.

They stood at the window, looking out at the snow-covered yard, filled with numerous snow angels, a snowman and what looked like an attempt or two at a snow fort.

"Looks like someone's been busy."

"Yeah, Bud has been trying to keep the boys occupied for me. It's helping too. The kids are worn out. They play out there till they're exhausted. That's why it's so quiet in here – they passed out after lunch. Jimmy especially loved the snow. He cried when we made him come in. He was nearly frozen but he wanted to stay out. He should have been our December baby." Harriet eased down into a chair near the window.

"You found out about him on Christmas Eve, though," Mac remembered.

'That's true, speaking of Christmas Eve...congratulations."

"Thank you, Harriet. I know this is sudden." Mac sat down in a chair across from her.

"We are both sorry you and Bud won't be there."

"We're sorry to miss it, ma'am. I am so happy for you, though. It really is about time; I'm so glad you two finally found your way to each other."

"Me too." Mac smiled at the thought.

"If you're half as happy as Bud and I have been, you'll have a wonderful life."

"I think we will be, Harriet. We've waited too long and have both been through too much to waste any more time apart." Mac remembered that Harriet and Bud had both suffered losses during their marriage but they had enough love to get them through. She knew she and Harm would too.

Harm sat across from Bud at the breakfast nook. "So, sir…are you ready?'

"Ready?"

"You know...in less than a week your days of being single are over." Bud waggled his eyebrows.

Harm chuckled. "You know, I can say with all honesty that I have had enough of being single."

Justice snuggled into her father's side a bit and drew Harm's gaze to her. His face softened. "I can't believe that just a couple of weeks ago she wasn't here and now…"

Bud nodded knowingly and finished Harm's sentence. "And now I can't imagine the world without her. You never know, sir, maybe someday you and Mac will start your family."

"I don't know, Bud – I really don't know if we can take the risk." He looked out the window.

"You never know, sir."

"I know, but think of it this way, Bud. You can't imagine your life without her." He nodded toward the baby sleeping in his arms. "But can you imagine your life without Harriet?"

Bud looked down and tightened his hold slightly on the baby. "I would hate to have to choose, sir."

Harriet and Mac were making their way back into the room. "Harm, we should probably let Harriet get some rest while the babies are sleeping."

Harm stood, "I'm ready whenever you are."

They got their coats and made their way to the door. Harriet carefully hugged Mac and then Harm. "I'm so happy for both of you….Take lots of pictures."

They all laughed, it was terrible that Harriet of all people wouldn't be at their wedding. They had the feeling she had been rooting for them all along. Harm and Mac made their way out to his SUV.

They drove back toward Harm's apartment in silence, both of them deep in thought. Mac broke the silence. "Harm, I want you to do something for me."

"What?" Harm took her hand and unconsciously brought it to his lips, his eyes never leaving the road.

"Please stop trying to protect me...where children are concerned. What I mean is…I really am okay; we have a year before we will really know whether or not we will have our own children. We are just beginning now, Harm, and the possibilities are endless as far as I'm concerned. I want you to relax and be happy, for what we have now and for what we will have no matter what happens."

"I know…and I'm sorry, Mac." He didn't really realize how much he had been thinking about this until today. He glanced at her. She wasn't angry; she just looked at him with love and concern. "I'll stop asking if you will promise to tell me if something does make you uncomfortable. We spent such a long time missing signals; I just don't want to go back to that." He looked at her lovingly.

"I promise." She kissed his cheek.

1730

Wednesday

December 22nd

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Harm stood at the stove finishing up the stir fry they were going to have for dinner. One more day and they would be out of there and on their way to Belleville. He smiled at the thought of it. He could not believe everything they had been able to accomplish. On Sunday they had gotten everything squared away with her apartment. They would stay at his apartment for the time being. That had been Mac's idea, and Harm was relieved by it. He had worked so hard on the place; he wasn't ready to give it up just yet. They would put her furniture in storage after they returned and be completely out by the end of the month. Mac had shopped for her dress and done some Christmas shopping on her own. He had done some shopping as well. He hoped she liked what he had planned for her. He was counting on it. The paperwork for their marriage license had been completed. All they had to do now was get through tomorrow. The doorbell rang, startling him out of his reverie.

He walked to the door and looked through the security lens. "Keeter?" Harm opened the door, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"Is that any way to greet a friend?"

"If he isn't glad to see you, then he really won't be glad to see me." His grandmother stepped into view, her blue eyes twinkling.

"What are you two doing?" Harm opened the door wider but didn't invite them in.

"Harm, I know you were raised right, aren't you going to invite us in?" His grandmother laughed.

"I'm sorry." He stepped aside, and Jack and his grandmother walked into the room.

Mac stepped into the room, carrying a suitcase and a small carrying case. She looked at Mrs. Rabb and greeted her "Hello, Sarah." She was dressed in a soft brown sweater and jeans in a darker shade of brown.

Harm thought she looked beautiful and she was apparently going somewhere without him.

Mrs. Rabb smiled. "Hello, Mac, are you ready?"

"After we have dinner and Harm has a chance to take all this in, we'll be off." She took the suitcases to the door and turned to Harm, who stood looking from her to his grandmother. She placed her hand on his arm.

"I've been keeping a little secret. I got an extra day of leave. I want an extra day to get ready, so we can make this day as special as it can be." She looked into his eyes and his look softened. "I'll be going to Belleville tonight with your grandmother and you'll come up tomorrow with Jack."

Harm narrowed his eyes. "You two pulled a fast one on me, didn't you?" He kissed her quickly on the lips.

"I didn't want to give you a chance to talk me out of it." She smiled at him, she would miss him, but it would only be a couple of nights.

Mrs. Rabb couldn't resist teasing Harm a bit. "She knows you pretty well, doesn't she, son?"

They all laughed and sat down to have dinner. It was a good thing that Harm had made extra for lunch tomorrow, so there was plenty for everyone.

"You should have seen your grandmother, Harm. I let her drive on the way down. I think I know where you got your love of speed." He looked at Mrs. Rabb.

"Oh, for heaven's sake. I've seen how you drive, young man." Mrs. Rabb huffed. "I'm a good driver."

"Yeah...for Daytona." Jack dodged as Mrs. Rabb swatted at his arm.

"That really is a high powered vehicle you have out there, Jack. I was going eighty-five miles an hour before I knew it." Mrs. Rabb grinned sheepishly.

"Oh, before you knew it, huh?" Harm teased

Mac spoke up. "By the way, Harm, I'll be taking the SUV, so we'll only have one vehicle once we're there."

Harm, who had been smiling broadly throughout the whole conversation, suddenly became serious. "You'll be driving the whole way…..right?"

Mrs. Rabb was floored. "Well… Harmon Rabb!"

They all broke up laughing but Harm was dead serious. He did not want his grandmother driving his vehicle. He considered himself a brave man, but his grandmother had the ability to make him hold on for dear life, especially in a turn.

"I wasn't going to drive anyway, Harmon. Mac is more familiar with Washington than I am." She frowned at Harm.

"Am I still your favorite grandson?" He raised his eyebrows. He really did hope he hadn't hurt her feelings.

She got up to take her plate to the sink. She tugged his earlobe and patted his cheek.

"I suppose so." She took her plate in the kitchen and walked back to the table.

"Have you spoken to Sergei, Harm?"

"I talked to him for a bit on Sunday. I told him about the wedding. He wasn't surprised, for some reason." He looked at Mac and reached over to take her hand. "He seems to be doing alright. I wish he would come back here, though."

Mrs. Rabb was worried about him. "The reports I have read in the paper make it sound as though things are getting more and more oppressive again in Russia. I would hate to lose contact with him completely."

"I know, Grandma – I asked him about that. He didn't seem worried about it. He promised he would call after the first of the year."

"It would be wonderful to have you both here." Mrs. Rabb had been thinking about Sergei a lot lately.

"You know, Harm, I've been wondering about something since you spoke to Sergei on Sunday." Mac thought she may have a solution to connecting Sergei to Harm senior.

"What about?"

"Mrs. Rabb, do you have a lock of Harm senior's hair: you know, a baby curl, or something like that?"

"Yes, I do." It was sealed in an envelope with his first year album and baby clothes.

Harm wondered why he hadn't thought of this before. "I've got the letters, too, the ones he wrote Grandma." If he could get Sergei back here, maybe he would be able to get him citizenship more quickly. They would definitely talk about this when they spoke again. "Good idea, Marine." Harm smiled at Mac.

They cleaned up quickly and Mac and Mrs. Rabb got things ready to go. Harm loaded Mac's things into the SUV. Then the realization dawned on him that he wasn't going to get to be with her tonight or tomorrow night, not with Chaplain Turner staying at his grandmother's.

Mac noticed that Harm had gotten quiet. "It's only a couple of nights, Harm."

He opened her car door and she got behind the wheel. "I know."

It was unreasonable, but he wanted her with him. He would miss her tonight. He leaned in and kissed her goodbye. Mac started to break the kiss but he deepened it.

Just then Mrs. Rabb opened the car door on her side and Jack hooted, "Break it up, you two."

Harm leaned back and looked into her eyes. "See you at the church, Mackenzie. I'll be the tall guy down front in the suit."

"Oh, I'll find you, flyboy." She turned the key in the ignition and they were off.

Harm watched them drive away.

"You really have it bad, don't you, Rabb?" Jack laughed and shook his head.

"I'm afraid so." Harm smiled as he continued to look in the direction Mac had driven..

TBC

A/N: Yes.. I know…you may recognize the play on the line from 'Steel Magnolias.'

Shelby's line to Jackson. 'I'll be the one down front, in the veil.' Couldn't resist it, it was too perfect.


	16. Chapter 16

Will You Always Be There?

Chapter 47

Disclaimers: I don't own these JAG characters they belong to Belasarius Productions; I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything up to 'Camp Delta' is fair game. Any spoiler floating around out there may be loosely referred to.

Rating M: For language and adult situations(nothing explicit)

1945

December 23rd

Jack O'Reilly's General Store

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Jack's little general store was closed. It was a small, almost ramshackle place. The family name was painted neatly on the window but it had faded with time. A long front porch with a bench sat out front. A stack of balsam fir wreaths sat on one end of the bench. Bright red ribbons were wound around the posts that held the roof over the porch. A string of Christmas lights that hung across the window could be seen winking cheerily. A light snow was falling, dusting everything with white, making it all look new and clean. Through the window panes, badly in need of paint, a light glowed at the back of the store.

At an old wooden table sat Harm with five people who were part of his past and present. Jack O'Reilly, who knew his grandfather and his father and with whom he would be staying tonight; Sam O'Reilly, Jack's 'boy' as his grandmother called him; Jack Keeter, his oldest friend from the Academy and soon to be his best man; Sturgis Turner, also his friend from the Academy and a colleague at JAG; and AJ Chegwidden, his former CO at JAG and the man Mac had asked to give her away tomorrow.

"No bars in beautiful downtown Belleville, huh?" Jack smirked.

"Nope, this is the best we can do." With a smile, Sam rose from the table and walked to the old cooler that held the long necked bottles of Coors. He sat a beer down in front of each of them. They all opened their bottles.

"I remember when you couldn't get Coors this far east." AJ took a drink. God, he was old.

Keeter stood and walked over to where he had laid his coat. He had a paper sack with two bottles of Wild Turkey. "Well, when we run out of beer we can crack this open – it's a guaranteed party wherever you are." They all laughed.

Sturgis looked at Harm. "Well, do you think you're ready for this, Harm?"

Harm studied his bottle of beer. "Yeah, I think so."

"Hell yes he's ready. It took him long enough." Jack laughed.

"Can't be a family trait, can it?" AJ smiled.

Jack O'Reilly spoke up. "No sir, it isn't. David Rabb didn't wait for anyone. Everywhere he went he was in a hurry." He shook his head, lost in thought. "Sarah's boy Harmon was the same; they were a lot alike in their character, even though David never saw him."

Harm sat back on his chair. He would have given anything to have known them. Not having them had left such a gaping hole in his life.

Jack continued. "I met your grandfather when we were in school. I never saw him in a bad mood. I never ever saw him mistreat anyone, except that Labor Day when those boys thought they'd corner your grandmother." Jack laughed. "That was a sight. Anyway, your father was the same way – didn't know a stranger, and seemed always to be laughing about something….He was a good boy too. A great comfort to his mother." Jack remembered him well; he had thought of him as a son.

"I remember him too." Sam had looked up to Harmon senior. "He was about 4 years older than me, but he always had a good word for me. Dad would take us fishing when I was little. He wrote me once in a while when he was at the Academy. He was never the type to be tied down in a little town like this. He was going places, that's for sure. You were a lot more serious when you were younger than your father was, but you are the image of him and that's the truth."

They all heard a knock at the front door. Jack looked toward the front of the store. "Do you recognize this man Harm?" Harm stood up and looked. It was Tom Boone. Jack walked to the door and let him in.

Tom walked into the store and back toward where everyone was sitting. "Great place for a bachelor party, Rabb," he said, smiling sarcastically.

He nodded to AJ. Harm introduced Jack and Sam O'Reilly and Keeter. Tom hadn't seen the inside of this store for a long time. Hammer had invited him home for Thanksgiving their second class year at the Academy.

"Don't you recognize me, Jack?"

Jack O'Reilly studied the face in front of him. "Think of me with hair," Tom said and AJ joined him in a laugh. They both seemed to have the same affliction... Recognition dawned for the old man.

"I remember now, you came home with Harmon a few times." He offered Tom his hand and shook it.

Tom started to reach for another chair, but Jack O'Reilly stopped him. "Take my seat; I'm going to head back to my house. These old bones are telling me its time to go home."

He looked at Harm. "I'll leave the door unlocked for you." He chuckled a bit. "Try not to drink too much, son; your bride may not appreciate a hung-over groom."

His son stood. "I think I'll head out too, Dad." He took his beer with him and raised it to Harm. "Here's to you, Harm, and to your bride to be."

Harm nodded a thank you. God, bride to be – he was getting married tomorrow.

AJ slapped him on the back. "It's starting to hit home now, isn't it, Rabb?" He laughed.

"Yeah, I guess it is." They could laugh all they wanted. Tomorrow couldn't come soon enough for him

Tom took his coat off and sat down. "So the colonel is staying at your grandmother's and you're staying with the old guy?" He nodded toward the house they could see out of the back window.

"Yeah… Mac's idea, not mine." He hadn't even seen her tonight. He shook his head; he didn't see why that was necessary. He took a long pull on his beer.

"Think you can get through one more night. Harm?" Sturgis teased.

Harm was embarrassed – had he said that out loud? "Oh, I think I'll manage."

"Is Mac superstitious about your not seeing her until the wedding or something?" AJ had never seen Mac as the superstitious type.

He was trying not to sound disappointed…but he was. "I don't know…who knows?"

Tom spoke up. "Your mom was. Hammer had just gotten back from a Med cruise and she didn't let him see her until she came up the aisle on her wedding day." Trish could be stubborn when she wanted to be. "That was a fun two days."

He smiled, it was a wonder Trish still spoke to him. He'd gotten his friend good and drunk. He was almost as white as his uniform the morning of the ceremony.

"Yeah, I got a little drunk the night before I got married too – Marcella's brothers nearly drank me under the table."

AJ laughed at the memory. It was a wonder he and Marcella had made it through the first week. It was the real thing back then, but so many things got in the way. So much wasted time.

"So have you and Marcella decided to stay here?" Harm wondered.

AJ nodded the affirmative. "We bought a new place on Meredith Creek, out near Annapolis. I will be doing some coaching at the Academy this spring. We still have her family home in Naples – her parents left it to her – but we will be here in the States most of the time."

Harm and Sturgis looked at each other.

"Not a word….out of either of you," AJ warned.

Tom nodded. "I seem to remember that you were engaged to some professor named Meredith Cavanaugh?"

They were all laughing. "I have to hear this story." Jack felt out of the loop.

"Not a word….and I mean it." He drew his eyebrows down and looked at Harm and Sturgis.

Harm and Sturgis both sat back, smiling. Tom took the warning as a challenge. After all, AJ hadn't been talking to him.

"Oh, yeah, isn't she the one who drove like a maniac...and didn't she damn near break your back…adjusting it one night?"

Harm and Sturgis didn't know about that, and they both sat forward. Harm had to join in.

"She was fearless, I will say that. I never want to go up in a plane with her again."

AJ chuckled; he had forgotten that. At least he could laugh about it now. What she had done had hurt like hell, but now that he had Marcella back he could put it all into perspective. Maybe that's why no one ever got too close; he had never really stopped loving her. Anyone else was a substitute, at best.

Sturgis pulled him out of his reverie. "Sir? Sorry, Admiral, we'll change the subject."

AJ looked at him directly and Sturgis corrected himself. "Sorry AJ….force of habit."

"Everyone has someone they would just as soon forget about. How about our friend Maria Elena Carmelita Moreno Gutierrez?" Jack knew Harm would never forget that particular young lady.

Harm grinned from ear to ear. He hadn't thought of her in a long time; she was nothing compared to Mac, but he hadn't forgotten her, that was certain.

"I take it that she wasn't a bad memory at all, Rabb." Tom hadn't heard this one.

"No, she wasn't. Although I had to remind Keeter what her name was, and if I'm not mistaken, I was accused of stealing your 'Segundo cruise girl.'"

"I hear she's got 3 kids and weighs about 300 pounds now." Jack laughed.

Harm looked at him, shocked. "No!"

They all broke up laughing. "Sorry I ruined your memories, Harm." Jack slapped him on the back.

"She was something else. She helped me a lot more than she even knew, and she got Krennick off my six anyway."

AJ looked at him squarely. "When was Krennick on your six?"

"Oh, come on, I didn't even work at JAG and I knew about that," Jack huffed.

"Enlighten me, Mr. Rabb." AJ sat back and folded his arms across his chest.

"Look, nothing happened between us, ever. Krennick just dropped a few hints now and then."

"A few hints my ass – if hadn't been for our mutual friend Maria being in your shower you might have had to throw the then-Commander Krennick out in the hallway in her birthday suit." Jack could see the color come up in Harm's face. He couldn't believe this guy was over 40 years old and he was still blushing.

"Ah, yeah, she paid me a visit after we got back from that assignment in Cuba." Harm grinned sheepishly.

"Why didn't you say something, Rabb?" AJ knew Allison Krennick could be an imposing woman, ambitious to be sure, but he did not think she was capable of sexual harassment. If what Jack said was true, she was certainly guilty of that.

"What was I going to say? Besides, it wasn't long till she was out of there and she didn't do anything to hurt my career."

"What about the case with Diane Shonke? She did try to have you removed from the case."

Harm looked down; he hadn't thought of her in a while, either. "I wasn't objective, sir. I'm grateful I didn't do my career permanent damage."

"Yeah, you didn't have Mac around back then to cover your six," AJ said knowingly.

Harm raised his eyebrows. 'He didn't know the half of it,' he thought. He had nearly given up his career and what would have eventually been his freedom to avenge Diane's murder. She had saved his career and his soul that night, if the truth were told.

Tom took a drink of his beer and grimaced. "Tell me you have something better to drink than this."

"Ah… thought you'd never ask." Jack picked up the first bottle of Wild Turkey and broke the seal.

2130

December 23rd

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Chloe and Mac sat on her bed in the guest room. Mac had done her nails and was working on Chloe's. They were a deep rich red, as Chloe's dress would be. It had been great to wake up here this morning. Mrs. Rabb had out done herself in the kitchen and made her feel as though this were as much Mac's home now as it was hers. She did love this place. The smell of cinnamon and vanilla always seemed to be in the air and now the Christmas greenery on the stair rail only added to the warmth. It seemed to be a Christmas out of her dreams.

"So what do you think of this place, Chloe?" Mac hoped she would like it well enough to visit along with her and Harm. Vermont was not that far away and it would be a place to enjoy what Chloe still loved best, horses.

"It looks okay – it's kind of hard to tell how things really are when it's snowing." Chloe said honestly.

"I suppose so; it really is an awesome place, to me anyway. Harm spent a lot of time here, or as much as he could growing up."

"It's hard to see Harm anywhere but at JAG or on a carrier." Chloe laughed. "It's hard to see him as a little boy."

"He was born old," Mrs. Rabb said laughingly from the doorway. "How are you girls doing?"

"We're fine, Mrs. Rabb. Thanks for letting me stay tonight." Her father had brought her last night. He was staying with some friends near Altoona with whom he had been stationed aboard the Cayuga.

"It was wonderful of Kyle to bring you all the way here to spend this time with me." Mac was grateful.

"He knows that I see you as my sister, Mac – besides, we never would have found each other if it had not been for you."

"Bud really had a lot to do with that too. God, that Christmas seems like it was a hundred years ago."

Mrs. Rabb smiled. "When you're eighty years old you can say that. How are you feeling, Mac?"

"I feel lot stronger than I did in November. I really feel more like myself than I have for a long time."

Chloe was aware of Mac's illness. It had frightened her. She had not been sure what to expect when she saw her yesterday. She really did look great. She seemed happier than she had ever seen her. Chloe knew she had been right a long time ago. Mac and Harm were in love.

"My mom died of cancer," Chloe said almost awkwardly. She still had a way of setting everyone in the room on edge. Mac wondered if she'd ever outgrow that.

Mrs. Rabb walked into the room and sat down on the bed. "I'm sorry to hear it, honey."

"Oh, it's alright. I still miss her sometimes, but the older I get the easier it is to handle it."

She didn't always handle it well, but she didn't act out or blame anyone else anymore. She just got away and cried it out. Mac knew how she felt; she would call her sometimes and just unload. Mac really was a good sister. She really didn't know what she'd do if anything ever happened to her.

Mac remembered a few phone calls recently. The mother-daughter activities at school had been especially hard. She had hated the days when friends would complain about stupid things their mothers had done when she would give anything to just talk to hers. Chloe still had her moments. Mac looked at Mrs. Rabb and saw that she was perceptive as ever. She was listening to Chloe with genuine interest.

Mrs. Rabb studied Chloe as she talked about school and her upcoming graduation. She understood now why she and Mac got on so well. They were both tough on the outside and heartbroken on the inside. Mac was doing a lot better. The pain that had been palpable when she first met her was gone now.

"I wish mom could see me when I graduate, but I don't know … lately when I'm happy I feel like my mom is there, you know." Chloe blushed, feeling a bit self conscious. "I know that sounds kind of childish."

"No, it doesn't, Chloe." Mac meant to reassure her.

"I have always believed that the people we love are with us, even after we lose them in this life, in one way or another." Mrs. Rabb had nearly based her life on that belief. She took Chloe's hand and patted it.

2245

Jack's General Store

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Jack Keeter stood and picked up the second bottle of Wild Turkey and broke the seal.

"Hey, don't you think it's time we slowed down? Harm will never make it down the aisle tomorrow." Sturgis had been sipping slowly, keeping an eye on Harm and AJ. As far as Sturgis was concerned, Jack was on his own. He didn't seem to need much supervision; he never had.

Jack sat back down and refilled his glass. "Listen to him." He pointed across the table at Harm. "That's serious –" And pointing to Sturgis, he added, "—and more serious…..It took me years to loosen those two up."

Harm had not been drinking as much as AJ or Jack, but he was definitely getting punchy.

"Hey, Keeter, we can't all be like you. Drink all night and wake up squared away and Joe Navy the next morning."

Sturgis laughed. "I think we should donate his body to science when he dies. He drinks like a fish, smokes like a freight train and is still strong as an ox…..there's something unjust about that." Sturgis shook his head.

"Hell yes there is!" Harm said a little too loudly.

"It's not my fault if you two can't handle your liquor." Jack had drunk more than both of them, but true enough, he was as steady as a rock.

"Hey…. who is that guy on the Stones that I've heard that said about?..." Harm was slurring a bit in his speech.

Tom looked at AJ. "How are you doing there, AJ?" This was getting pretty funny.

AJ had been quiet since Jack opened the second bottle. "Just thinking."

Just then Harm snapped his fingers. "Keith Richards…that's it." He was proud of himself for remembering.

Jack smirked at Harm. "Nice to know you have a few brain cells left."

Tom returned his attention to AJ. "You okay?"

"Yeah…..I'm good. I was just thinking." He looked at Harm and Sturgis. "Imagine Jack needing to loosen you two up… Last year… I didn't recognize either one of you….Hell of a year."

Sturgis and Harm were stunned at first then Harm's eyes darkened in a flash. "You didn't recognize us?"

The room went dead quiet.

"That's what I said."

Sturgis saw Harm's expression become almost unrecognizable. He placed a hand on his arm and Harm threw it off.

"What about you, AJ?" Harm leaned forward; suddenly he was mad as hell.

"What?...You resigned, Rabb, I processed it, that's how it works." He glared at him, matching his anger with Harm's just as quickly.

"You knew I had no choice. I couldn't leave her down there. Who the hell were you back then anyway? You were going to leave her to die."

"I had access to information you didn't, there were things in the works to get her out of there, the Company…"

"Fuck the Company – they were the ones who damn near got her killed!"

"You would not listen. I had the SecNav all over me after all the other shit you pulled, and you gave me no choice." AJ slowly rose from his chair and Harm stood with him.

Tom knew where this was going. They were both too drunk to be reasoned with at this point. The best they could do was make sure they didn't kill each other. He had a feeling this had been coming for a long time. He looked at Jack, who seemed to understand, and they stood with them, slowly. Sturgis was totally confused and looked at Tom, who tilted his head backward to direct him away from Harm and AJ.

Harm looked at AJ directly in the eye. "You didn't give a shit about any of us."

In a flash AJ came across the table, lunging at Harm and knocking him against the window. He held him by the collar, jamming his head back on the glass.

"Don't you ever say that to me! You know better. How many times did I stick my neck out for any one of you?...Huh! How many!" Both of their faces twisted in anger.

A car door shut outside but it was not heard indoors. Gunny had gotten out of his car and opened his trunk. He lifted the case of Corona out of his car and stepped toward the back door to which he had been directed by Mrs. Rabb. He heard something slam against the window. He saw the commander's head hit the glass.

"Shit!" He dropped what he was carrying, sending it all crashing to the ground. He burst through the back door and pulled what he thought was Harm's assailant from his throat and connected with an upper cut right under his chin. By the time Gunny turned around to see Harm's stunned expression, AJ was out cold. He turned back around and recognized now who he had just hit. "Oh….shit."

It was quiet for a moment.

"Well that was one way to break up a fight," Jack laughed.

Gunny looked up at Jack like he didn't quite believe what he was hearing.

Tom and Sturgis both broke up laughing. The look on Gunny's face was priceless.

Gunny looked around at all of them and shook his head. Harm was still leaning back against the window, catching his breath. 'God, that happened fast,' he thought. 'It came out of nowhere.' He had never gotten that mad that fast in his life.

"Don't tell me Marines don't get in bar fights, Gunny." Jack continued to try and diffuse this situation. It had gotten way too serious, way too fast. Jack thought, 'Jesus…I didn't see that coming.'

Gunny grinned slightly without humor. "Not with each other." He didn't think he would ever completely understand naval officers. 'Gentlemen?...not tonight,' he thought ruefully.

Harm straightened and went to get AJ up from the floor. "Come on… help me get him up." They righted the table and chairs and sat AJ down on one of them. Jack poured another drink for Harm and for AJ.

"I think there has been enough of that for tonight." Sturgis pushed both glasses back.

Tom shook AJ and roused him. He immediately drew back and Tom dodged. "Hey!...I'm on your side."

AJ looked around him and began to recognize where he was and who they all were. "What the hell?"

He stood suddenly and was standing directly in front of Harm. Harm wasn't angry anymore; frankly he felt damned ashamed of himself.

AJ remembered then what had just happened.

"Are you alright, sir?" Harm asked.

"I'm fine." Had Harm hit him? He wondered; then Harm stepped aside and he saw Gunny standing there. He remembered now.

"Still trying to start fights with SEALs, Gunny?"

"No sir." Gunny stood almost at attention.

"Relax Gunny, I'm retired." He rubbed his jaw and under his chin. Gunny had kept them from beating the hell out of each other.

"Have a drink, I think you earned it."

"Don't mind if I do." Jack handed him a glass and he drank it in one swallow.

"Again." He handed the glass back to Keeter.

Keeter whistled. "Okay, it's your head."

"I can handle it, sir, I'm a Marine." He gave Keeter a condescending smirk.

Keeter gestured toward Harm and AJ, offering them another. "No thanks," they said in unison.

"If you gentlemen will excuse me, I'm going to call it a night. I've had enough excitement for one evening." Sturgis looked at Harm. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, Sturgis, I'm fine. I'm finished drinking tonight." In the last few moments he had become stone cold sober.

And with that Sturgis left for Mrs. Rabb's house. He was ready for tomorrow; Varise was coming to meet him at the wedding, and unlike last year they would be spending Christmas together. He didn't have to be serious or sober with her, but if he was, that was okay too. He could just be himself. She understood so much without being told. Maybe it was time they made a more permanent arrangement too. He smiled to himself and began to whistle the wedding march.

They all sat back down at the table. Jack poured everyone but Harm a drink. He was truly done tonight.

"Oh come on, sir, your last night as a bachelor. What's one more?"

"That's okay, Gunny, you can have mine I'm done with being a bachelor, bring on the bride."

He grinned sheepishly. He had experienced the best and the worse of being single, now it was his and Mac's time to be together. He had a dreamy look on his face all of a sudden.

"Look at him…he's hopeless." Jack shook his head.

0130

December 24th

Jack O'Reilly's front yard

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Harm and Keeter stumbled up the stone path to Jack's 'shotgun' house that sat behind the store. It had a small but high porch, and if you opened the front and back doors you could shoot a shotgun straight through it, or so it was said. AJ stood on the front porch, waiting and laughing a bit as he watched them weave their way up to the house. They had Gunny between them, who was making it difficult to walk a straight path to the house.

"Hey, what's wrong with you two?" Gunny slurred. "Damn naval officers can't walk a straight line….how did you ever land on a carrier anyway?"

They all broke up laughing; except Gunny, of course, who was trying very hard to focus on the task at hand. He was getting these two into the house before they got in more trouble… or so he thought.

Harm and Keeter got Gunny in the house and deposited him one of the couches in the front room. Jack flopped onto the other couch and stretched out immediately. Tom had left them all to their own devices an hour ago. Mrs. Rabb had left her door unlocked so that he could come in when he wanted to.

"I'll take the recliner," AJ offered. "You need your sleep; you don't want to frighten the bride." He gave him a wry smile.

"Sir I can…"

AJ raised a hand and nodded toward the hallway.

Harm started to turn to walk down the hall but stopped. "Sir, I want you to know, I'm ashamed of the way I acted tonight."

"Don't even think about it anymore, Harm. We both had too much to drink and we left that discussion about what happened back then, too long. I still don't know if I could put into words what happened and do it any justice. I regret the mess that resulted from that damn assignment Mac had with Webb, but once again, I had no choice. I don't miss that, I'll tell you, constantly having my hands tied with bureaucratic….bullshit. In all honesty, I would have done the same thing I did before, though I wouldn't have lost my temper and said what I did. It was unnecessary and I do regret that."

Harm did understand that now. It was a hell of a time, but in the end he had met and been able to help Mattie. He and Mac had finally found their way to each other. How could he regret any of that?

"I think I understand, sir." They shook hands, and Harm walked down the hallway to the guest room. He looked at his watch and thought, 'In about 12 hours, I'll be a married man.' He smiled to himself – he could not wait.

AJ sat down on the recliner and put his feet up and head back. He was getting too old for this stuff. He closed his eyes, knowing he wouldn't have a bit of trouble sleeping tonight.

"Damn Navy," Gunny was muttering in his sleep. "Worthless..All of 'em ..'Cept maybe .Bud…Coates…..mmm, sure cleans up good." Gunny turned over. "Looks about eighteen till she opens that mouth….talks like she…..she's about fifty."

AJ opened his eyes and raised his head to look at Gunny, who was still out cold but rambling. 'What the hell is it about that place…something in the water?' He put his head back down and closed his eyes. He was glad it wasn't his problem anymore.

Chapter 48

Disclaimer: As previously stated.

1330

December 24

Belleville Community Church

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Harm stood at the altar with his heart in his throat. Keeter stood to his right, grinning from ear to ear. Chloe had just come down the aisle and stood looking at him, her face reflecting her happiness on this day. One she had always known would come. She carried white roses and wore a beautiful red gown that made her look much too old as far as Harm was concerned.

He wore a black tuxedo with a red tie that was the same deep shade of red that Chloe wore. He and Keeter looked impressive in their wedding finery. The wedding march began and he turned to look for Mac.

What he saw took his breath away; she wore a dress of ivory white and carried bouquet of beautifully deep red roses that cascaded down the front of her gown from where she held them. The dress draped softly over her body with the neckline that framed her shoulders.

A single diamond on a gold chain sparkled at her neck, a gift from Mrs. Rabb, the only heirloom she had from her mother. She wore her hair down, falling softly down her back. She was radiantly beautiful and had lost the fragile look she had for so long. She seemed to glow with health. 'Please, God…' he prayed silently.

She stood next to AJ, with her hand in the crook of his arm. She looked at Harm and he thought he had never seen anything so beautiful in all his life.

AJ leaned toward her slightly. "Are you ready, Mac?"

She looked at him. "Yes, I am."

Mac saw Harm turn to look at her and Harm's eyes seemed to see right into her soul. He smiled at her, and this time the smile went all the way to his eyes. As nervous as she was, at that moment, she couldn't see anything but him. She could see the blue of his eyes sharply even from this distance. He looked so handsome, almost imposing next to the other men waiting at the altar. 'The Rabb stature,' she thought. When she walked down the aisle with AJ she felt as though she were being drawn toward him.

AJ walked her to Harm and took her hand from his arm and placed it onto Harm's.

He looked at Harm, who smiled at him and whispered, "Thank you." AJ nodded and stepped back one step and waited.

The ceremony began. Chaplain Turner was glad to see this day. He had seen his son's friend go through some terrible things in his young life. He was happy to be part of a joyful time, Harm was due. He began, "Dearly beloved…"

Mac felt amazingly calm all of a sudden. She had never felt anything more right in her life.

"…Who gives this woman?" Chaplain Turner waited.

"I do." AJ then turned and sat down in the front row on the bride's side of the aisle, next to Mrs. Rabb.

"Before we begin the vows, I have been given permission of the bride and the groom to speak to them and to you about marriage, about love really, because without true love there is no marriage. You have chosen a time of miracles to join your lives together. It is a time of the greatest miracle of all; God gave us the gift of his Son. Miracles happen sometimes in the most unlikely circumstances. 'For we know all things work together for good to those who love God.' It is hard to remember that verse when things are difficult, but it is no less true. These two are living proof of that." Chaplain Turner smiled at them both.

Mac lightly squeezed Harm's arm and he placed his hand over hers. She looked up into his eyes. She saw it again, that look in his eyes that made her feel safe, loved and cherished.

"First I will read from 1 Corinthians the 13th chapter, verses 4 through 7." He opened his worn Bible and began to read:

Love suffers long and is kind;

Love does not envy;

Love does not parade itself,

Is not puffed up;

Does not behave rudely,

Does not seek its own,

Is not provoked,

Thinks no evil;

Does not rejoice in iniquity,

But rejoices in the truth;

Love bears all things,

Believes all things,

Hopes all things,

Endures all things.

"And the 8th verse begins, 'Love never fails.'" He closed his Bible and looked at Harm and Mac as though he were speaking only to them.

Mac thought that the verses of scripture described what Harm had been to her over the past year. He had loved her in spite of everything; he had shown her love in the truest sense of the word. Even when she believed his love had failed…it never had. He had always been there.

"You have begun a journey today, one that I am sure will bring you great joy and also may bring you pain. If you bear all things together, you will endure, that I can promise you….Harmon, take Sarah's left hand, place the ring on her finger and repeat after me… 'with this ring I thee wed'."

Harm repeated his vows and placed the gold band onto her finger. When he looked into her eyes all he wanted to do was to kiss her, but of course, he didn't. Chaplain Turner must have sensed this. "Just wait a few more moments, Harmon. She has to say her vows first." The people in the chapel laughed softly.

"Sarah, take Harmon's hand in yours and place the ring onto his finger and repeat after me…. 'with this ring I thee wed'."

Mac repeated her vows as Harm had done, promising to love honor and cherish him all the days of her life. She had loved him for so long, even when they weren't together, that the vow just stated a fact.

Chaplain Turner turned to Harm. "Now, you may kiss your bride."

Harm suddenly felt shy in front of their wedding guests, but when she turned to him and looked into his eyes, he forgot there was anyone else in the world. He kissed her lightly and then deepened the kiss. Mac had placed her hand on his chest and came up slightly to kiss him. Harm broke the kiss and looked at her with half closed eyes. "I love you."

They turned toward their guests and Chaplain Turner placed his hands on each of their shoulders. "What God has joined together, let no man put asunder." The statement was both a proclamation and a prayer. The guests in the chapel seemed to collectively draw in a breath. They made a striking couple and their happiness seemed to radiate from them.

AJ blew out a breath. "There you go," he whispered quietly.

"Amen." Mrs. Rabb had heard him. They had finally done it; Harm had been able to complete the circle with Mac. Life would go on as it should.

Mac placed her hand in the crook of his arm and looked up at him through eyes glazed with tears. Harm leaned down and kissed her cheek softly. The music began and they walked down the aisle to the narthex of the chapel to receive their guests.

Keeter and Chloe followed, with Keeter catching Mrs. Rabb's eye and giving her a conspiratorial wink and a smile. Keeter passed Gunny sitting further down the aisle on the bride's side.

Gunny was feeling pretty rough all things considered. He could not remember how he had gotten to the O'Reilly's house last night. For the first few moments he was awake he couldn't figure out where he was. At least his hair had stopped hurting. If he never saw another bottle of Wild Turkey again it would be fine with him.

1445

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Harm and Mac had come back to the farm to change clothes and allow their friends to see them off. Mac used the guest room and Harm changed in the room down the hall. AJ and Marcella Chegwidden, Chaplain Turner, Sturgis and Varise, Mrs. Rabb, Jack Keeter, and Master Chief Kyle Anderson waited while his daughter Chloe helped Mac get ready.

Tom and Mattie had also been able to come and share this day with Harm and Mac. It had meant a great deal to Harm for her to be there. Mattie was happy for Harm and she felt a lot less guilty for getting on with her life now that Harm had Mac in his life all the time.

Frank had come and had been so glad to see his stepson's happiness. Trish would have been so pleased. Even though it meant being in an airport on Christmas Eve, he was glad for the distraction; he had been dreading this first Christmas without her. It was odd, but he felt close to her here. There were other places too: in her gallery in LaJolla, her favorite chair at home where she would read, with her glasses down on her nose. He smiled at the memory.

Harm was ready, so he stepped out of the room into the hallway. Chloe came out of the guest room and looked at him. "She's ready to go, Harm." She turned and started down the stairway.

"Thank you Chloe."

He walked to the doorway and she put down her suitcase for a moment. Harm was grinning from ear to ear. He put his duffle down and they stepped into each other's embrace.

"Hey, you." Mac pulled him more closely to her.

Harm kissed her, "Hello, wife."

"Hello, husband." Mac loved the sound of that. She hugged him again for sheer happiness. "I'm ready…..are you?"

"Yeah, let's go." He released her and picked up her suitcase. "Geez…what do you have in this thing?"

"Well, you wouldn't tell me where we were going so I had to bring a little of everything…..I'm a Marine, so I have to be prepared for anything." She smiled at him mischievously.

They descended the stairs to their friends waiting to see them off. They said their goodbyes to their guests as they made their way through the room toward the door. Gunny was out on the porch, still needing a little air. Harm and Mac stepped outside.

"Gunny, are you going to be alright?" Mac thought he looked a little worse for wear.

"I'll be fine, ma'am." He was never going to drink with sailors again. They couldn't be trusted. Harm looked over Mac's shoulder and gave him a wink and a lopsided grin.

'Thanks a lot, sir,' Gunny thought.

Harm stepped over to him and shook his hand. "Thanks for everything, Gunny."

He gave his shoulder a tap.

Gunny smiled in spite of his head pounding. "You're welcome, sir." Maybe sailors weren't all bad.

"Jen couldn't get away, I take it?"

"No sir, she didn't want to push her luck with the general. She's spending most of the holiday with Bud and Harriet," Gunny added.

Harm raised his eyebrows. "Oh." That was a little more information than he thought Gunny would have. "Well, if you see her, tell her I'll be back on the 28th. I want to be sure her 'friends' don't decide to show up."

"Not a problem, I'll check on her over the holiday." Gunny looked at Harm directly.

'What was that about?' he thought. He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.

Harm walked back to Mac, who was hugging his grandmother and Jack Keeter and saying goodbye.

"Hey, hands off, that's my wife you're mauling there, Keeter."

"Hey, don't I get to kiss the bride?" Jack couldn't resist giving Harm a hard time.

"Hell no, get away from there." Harm feigned irritation.

Keeter hugged her tightly. Mac returned the hug and laughed. "Thanks for everything, Jack….I mean it."

He released her and Harm stepped up behind her. He reached around her and shook Keeter's hand. "That goes for me too."

"Not a problem…you can just name your first child after me…I think that would do it."

Mrs. Rabb piped in, "I don't think they could name their first child 'Rascal' Jack Keeter."

Jack turned to Mac. "See…I told you how she is."

Mrs. Rabb hugged Harm and Mac "From one Sarah Rabb to another." She handed her a small, flat and brightly wrapped package tied with a white bow.

"Thank you." Mac was touched by the gesture.

Harm and Mac got into the SUV with the luggage loaded and Harm's surprise was well underway. Their guests were going their separate directions, except Tom Boone and Keeter. They would be enjoying Mrs. Rabb's hospitality this Christmas. AJ was on his way to Maryland. Sturgis and Varise were spending Christmas with his family. Chloe and her father were on their way back to Vermont. Gunny was heading back to D.C. Frank was on his way to the airport and returning to his home in California.

Harm and Mac had been on the road for about an hour. "So… no hints about where we're going, Sailor?" They weren't heading for an airport, so a beach was not in their near future. Harm made a phone call on his cell phone, gave whom ever he was talking to his name and reservation number and only said, "We'll be there in about an hour, thank you" before ending the call. They passed a sign on the interstate later that said something about the Pocono's. Mac thought, 'Surely were not going there…Harm wouldn't do that…would he?' Mac turned to Harm with a questioning look. Harm had seen the sign and the look on Mac's face after she saw it.

"What?" This was going to be more fun than he thought.

"Harm...um…..were not going to the Pocono's…..are we?" She didn't want to hurt his feelings but she just didn't think that it suited….them.

Harm looked at her. "Mac… don't you want to get in a hot tub shaped like a champagne glass?" He was laughing now, and she knew he was teasing her. Soon after that he turned off of the interstate and onto a two lane road. Each side was lined with towering Blue Spruce trees, lightly dusted with snow. It looked like a Christmas card.

Mac gave Harm a light punch on the arm. "You!"

"Hey you walked right into that one, I couldn't resist." He smiled at her slyly.

The road wound slightly and Harm turned onto a drive that was named and numbered Pine loch #1. It was about another quarter mile until they came into a clearing. "Oh, Harm…" There was a cabin, rustic looking but not shabby, with a stone fireplace and a wide front porch. It was perfect and she told him so.

Harm knew she would love it. "Come on, I want you to see inside."

Harm and Mac carried their bags to the porch and Harm unlocked the door. He turned to Mac. "Close your eyes." He guided her through the door and into the room. Mac could smell the balsam fir and wood from the fireplace. "Open them," Harm said quietly.

Mac opened her eyes, and what she saw the fulfillment of every Christmas fantasy she had ever had as a little girl. There was a fire blazing in the stone fireplace. Boughs of fresh evergreen were on the mantle, tied with ribbons of white and gold... There was a tall balsam fir beside the fireplace decorated with red ribbon and white lights and had wrapped gifts already under the tree. Mac turned and looked at Harm, speechless, and then she stepped away from Harm and toward the tree. She turned around and looked back at him. "Oh…I…" She could not finish her sentence; she didn't have the words. Her eyes welled with tears and her chin trembled with emotion.

Harm went to her immediately and lifted her into his embrace. "Hey…this was supposed to make you happy."

"Oh it did, it does….I'm overwhelmed, I think." She pulled back and kissed him. "Thank you."

"You haven't even opened any of your Christmas gifts yet."

"Harm, if I didn't have anything else at all but you and this beautiful room, it would be the best Christmas I ever had."

She looked over his shoulder and took in the rest of the cabin. It was all one big room except for the bathroom; it had separate sections flowing into one another. The walls were creamy white and had the appearance of old wood. There was also greenery in every window. The kitchen appeared to have all the amenities but was fashioned to look more rustic than it was. There was a window over the sink that gave them a view of the beautifully forested landscape and the mountains beyond.

"Hey….want to see the bedroom?" Harm pulled back and waggled his eyebrows.

He guided her into the back of the cabin. In the corner of the room was a huge four poster bed. It appeared to be made of mahogany. It was covered in a comforter and quilts of soft brown, red and ivory. There were many pillows at the head of the bed of the same colors. Beside the bed was a wrought iron lamp and a window just beyond, frosted with the cold. It was perfect. Harm stepped closer behind her and began to pull her coat from her shoulders. He threw it onto a chair and gathered her into his arms. He kissed her neck and her hair. "Happy?"

Mac turned to face him. "So happy." She kissed him. No one had ever shown her the love he had. Harm pulled her closer to him and their kiss became more passionate. Mac knew that if she didn't stop him she wouldn't get to wear the gown she had bought especially for this night.

"Hey sailor….let me slip into something more…comfortable."

Harm gave her a devilish grin. "I could help."

"I know you could…but since I'm considering this one of your Christmas gifts, I want it to be…a surprise."

Mac showered and changed into her gown. She suddenly felt nervous. Would he like it? This was silly; they had been together since October. He had seen her just about every way there was to see her. She usually slept in a T-shirt, for a while anyway. There hadn't been time to 'dress up' for him. Harm never seemed to mind one way or the other. He made her feel beautiful, even in a hospital gown.

She stepped out of the room and didn't see him at first. She walked through the cabin toward the fireplace. The room was so warm and inviting.

Harm had been standing in the kitchen; the only light in the room was the fireplace and the Christmas tree. Mac wore a red silk gown that clung softly to every curve on her body. Harm followed her quietly; she looked so soft and sexy. The gown dipped low, all the way to the small of her back. Her skin looked like velvet and Harm's fingers itched to touch her. "Mac…"

She looked over her shoulder, turned to him and smiled. "So…do you like your Christmas present?"

Harm didn't speak but the look in his eyes spoke volumes. He nodded and turned her back around. He began at the nape of her neck, touching her lightly with the tips of his fingers, stroking all the way down to the small of her back. Mac drew in a breath sharply and felt nearly every nerve ending in her body come alive. He gently brushed her hair to the side and kissed her between her shoulder blades.

"Harm…" She closed her eyes and gave herself over to wherever he was taking her.

"Hmm?" He was loving every minute of this. She was his now, in every way. Her body reacted immediately to his touch; it was the same for him. He prayed this magic would never leave them. He felt as though he had waited a lifetime for it. Her skin felt the way it had looked, like creamy, tawny velvet. Her skin tasted sweet; it made his mouth water, and it left him wanting more of the taste of her.

Mac stepped away and turned to look at him. He had taken off his shirt and shoes. He wore his favorite pair of jeans, hers too. She skimmed her hands up his chest and clasped them around his neck. He grasped one of her hands, brought it to his lips and kissed the palm of her hand.

He looked at her hand and noticed her red nails. "Red, Mac?"

She smiled at him slyly. "Yeah…. you know you love it when I wear red."

He pulled her close to him "Yes, I do." He kissed her deeply. She felt so perfect in his arms.

Mac broke the kiss to catch her breath but as she did Harm lifted her and placed hot open-mouthed kisses on her neck. She felt her knees start to give way and she locked her arms around his neck, pulling his head further down her neck.

"If you keep this up, I'm not going to be able to walk…"

With that he lifted her into his arms. "You don't have to walk, Mac." He turned to carry her toward the bed. Mac ran the tips of her fingers through his hair and felt the shiver down his spine. He set her down on her feet beside the bed and Mac undid the clasps at her shoulder that held her gown in place. Her gown pooled at her feet and Harm looked down at her intensely. Her body seemed fuller and rounder than it had been before. He pulled her close and ran both his hands down her back and cupped her bottom, lifting her up, pressing her against him. He was trembling with the need building up inside him. He wanted to take his time; this night had already been so special. He wanted it to be perfect for her. She leaned back and undid the top button of his jeans and slowly unzipped them. Harm gasped when she freed him from his jeans and gently grasped him.

Mac sat back on the bed and then quickly came up on her knees. She could look him directly in the eye and pulled him close to her. "Come here, Sailor; let me give you the rest of your Christmas present."

Harm pushed Mac gently back on the bed and began an exchange of gifts that went on nearly all night.

When dawn came they were sleeping deeply in each others arms, not knowing they had both been given a gift one month ago. A life to replace another; taken away in a moment of violence.

This life came from love… their love

Chapter 49

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these JAG characters or any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story

Spoilers: Anything up to and including 'There goes the Neighborhood' and any spoiler floating around out there.

0830

Christmas Day

Pine loch cabin #1

Somewhere in Pennsylvania

Mac woke to the sound of what she thought was a light rattling at the window. She opened her eyes and looked out. She saw large flakes of snow whirling around in the air and blowing against the window. The ground was covered in white, and the little bit of sky that she could see from where she lay was steel grey with clouds looking heavy with snow. Harm slept curled around her, his even breathing calming and thrilling her all at once. She turned onto her stomach to look at him. Her husband Harm. She smiled warmly thinking, 'Will I ever get used to seeing him like this?' She couldn't imagine it.

Harm stirred and opened his eyes, still heavy with sleep. "Merry Christmas, beautiful."

"Merry Christmas to you, too." She hugged him close and tucked herself into his arms as he gathered her in.

"God, this feels so good…let's just stay here all day." Harm grinned mischievously knowing Mac would be dying of curiosity about what was under the Christmas tree.

Mac raised her head and looked at Harm. "You don't want to open any presents?"

Harm chuckled. She looked for all the world like a little girl. He had never seen that look on her face before. Another side to his wife that made her that much more precious to him. His look softened and Mac picked up on it right away.

"Don't you try to distract me, Harmon Rabb."

Harm leaned up and kissed her quickly. "Okay, okay, I'm getting up."

"Great, I'll make the coffee and then I'll join you in the shower." Mac walked toward the kitchen, grabbing a robe on her way. She threw him a saucy glance over her shoulder.

Harms gaze followed her. 'If she joins me in the shower looking like that, it may be a while until we start opening presents.' He got up and headed for the shower, whistling a tune he couldn't quite recall the name of.

1230

Jen and Mattie's apartment

North of Union Station

Jen closed the security gate to the elevator and turned to Gunny. "You didn't have to come up with me, you know." She didn't care much for the 'damsel in distress' role. She had been taking care of herself for most of her life.

"I know I didn't. Just humor me, will ya?" 'What was the big deal?' he thought.

"You don't have to look after me for Commander Rabb. I'm a grown woman, you know."

"I'm not looking after you for anyone, all right? It's Christmas day; there isn't a soul in this building. Is it going to kill you if I come upstairs with you for 15 minutes so you can get a change of clothes?"

Jen was suddenly embarrassed for making such a fuss about it. "Sorry." She looked at her feet. He was just trying to be nice and she was making it difficult for him.

She opened the elevator doors and stepped out toward her apartment. Gunny followed about two steps behind her. She unlocked the door and headed toward her bedroom. Gunny stayed behind, standing in the open doorway of the apartment. Everything looked all right, but he couldn't shake the uneasiness he felt when he walked into the room. The room was neat, with everything in its place … but there was something unsettled in the air, in the room. He shook his head, trying to clear it.

"Hey, you know you can come all the way inside. I'm not going to bite."

Gunny was so deep in thought that she startled him when she walked into the room.

"Nobody said you would." Gunny smirked. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah."

Jen went to the door and followed Gunny back into the hall. She closed and locked the door on the way out. She was glad to be going back to Bud and Harriet's.

It had been a great Christmas – much better than she had ever hoped it would be. Bud and Harriet had treated her like a member of the family. The kids were great, especially her namesake, of course. Gunny had shown up late in the morning and offered to take her back to her apartment to get a change of clothes. Bud and Harriet had insisted she stay another night. Harriet was expecting her mother and father that evening. "I need reinforcements," she'd said.

Jen would return home Sunday. The apartment had seemed so empty, almost eerie without Mattie there and without Harm next door.

The doors to her pantry opened as Gunny and Jen drove away. Vince Dolan's eyes stared vacantly, empty as always but now truly dead. His body fell forward with a pool of blood forming almost immediately from the wound in his chest.

Pia stepped from behind him. She wore Jen's uniform and her hair was braided neatly as Jen's always was. She picked up Jen's cover and coat with gloved hands. She lifted a briefcase with enough money to get her all the way to California and to get herself comfortably set up. "Drug money is a little hard to trace.' She smiled to herself. She was out of there.

'Sorry, kid, you got a little soft in your old age…this was almost too damn easy.' This little detail was what Vince hadn't planned. He had beaten her down one too many times. They had hidden their stash in the apartment and had been able to get rid of it with a big pay off.

They had come back to celebrate and that's when he got his Christmas present. Pia looked down at him and smirking as she stepped over him, walked to the door. She closed and locked it behind her.

1530

Pine loch cabin # 1

Somewhere in Pennsylvania

Mac stood at the stove making hot chocolate while Harm built up the fire. It continued to snow heavily but beautifully. Harm walked into the kitchen and looked out of the window. "I pity anyone who has to be out on a day like today."

"Oh, most people are probably already where they want to be." She looked at him lovingly and handed him a mug of hot chocolate. "I know I am."

He took a sip of the rich sweet drink. "Mmm...Almost as good as my hot chocolate." He smiled slyly.

She drew her brows down and he winked at her over his cup. The wind blew hard against the window.

"Man, it's really coming down out there." Mac stepped closer to Harm and slipped her arm around his waist. She set her cup down and snuggled close to his heart. His shirt was soft and warm against her cheek and she breathed in the scent that was exclusively his.

He gathered her into his embrace and sang softly, "I really can't stay…"

Mac laughed. "But baby, its cold outside…"she sang along.

"I have to go away…" He leaned down and kissed her deeply.

"Mmmm… not anymore." Mac looked at him directly in the eyes and kissed him back. "Thank you for my presents. They were all perfect, especially this beautiful cabin. Harm, it's every Christmas I ever dreamed of, only better."

"You're welcome. I'm glad you liked your presents. I thought more than once that you were going to catch me." He slipped a finger inside the v neck of her sweater and under the satin strap of her bra.

"I would have given a lot of money to see you in the lingerie department." She giggled, thinking about Harm stepping awkwardly into the department and trying to find her size. He had done well, though. Everything he had given her made her feel sexy and very feminine. The colors perfectly matched her skin tone: matching sets of brown, blue, black and burgundy.

Harm looked down at her and gave her a lopsided grin. "Hey, it was no easy task. I had a lot of trouble finding your size." He was almost blushing.

"Oh really?" She was enjoying this. "You must have given it a lot of time and effort." He really had; not too many frills and everything fit perfectly. "Just how long have you been planning this, Harmon?"

"Oh, I don't know… I've been daydreaming about you like this almost since the first time we sang 'Baby its Cold Outside'." Harm traced across her collarbone to the gold chain that hung around her neck. He lifted the black opal and then looked into her eyes. "This made me think of you when I saw it. I could see it on a chain around your neck."

He kissed her softly and looked at her through half closed eyes. "It's beautiful and rare, like you." He kissed her again, more passionately.

Mac lifted her arms around his neck and after a long moment broke the kiss. "You're spoiling me, you know."

"If I'm spoiling you, why am I having such a good time?" He smiled at her slyly.

"Did you like your Christmas presents?" Mac raised an eyebrow.

Harm kissed her neck. "Oh yeah….especially the one you let me open on Christmas Eve."

1710

Christmas Day

Lt. Commander Coleman's apartment

Alexandria, Virginia

Faith Coleman stood at her kitchen counter, carefully measuring the ingredients to her recipe. Her measurements were exact, the first time. No need to add or subtract anything. After she would add an ingredient to the large bowl she washed the measuring spoon or cup, drying it carefully before using it again. It was just a simple cookie recipe; she was determined to do something out of the ordinary today. It was always a long day, Christmas Day. Clean up alone would take her most of the afternoon. Just then the door bell rang and she stopped to answer it.

She looked through the security lens to see Major McBurney standing at her door with someone she didn't recognize. She opened the door.

There was a young woman standing to McBurney's left, and she immediately offered Faith her hand. "Hi!...I'm Kim McBurney. My brother and I are out delivering Christmas cookies today." McBurney was almost cringing.

A small smile was forming at the corner of Faith's mouth. Faith was polite and shook her hand but did not smile.

"Thank you." She followed Kim McBurney's eyes as she tried to see into her apartment behind her. She unconsciously pulled the door a bit more closely to her.

"We'd better get going….just wanted to come by and wish you a Merry Christmas."

This was awkward; it didn't appear that Commander Coleman loosened up anywhere.

"We have another stop to make before we finish up."

"Yeah, our mom and sisters are expecting us. We're going to tour Washington D.C. on Christmas night." The girl couldn't be more than 18 years old. Faith could see that she looked very much like her brother. "Would you like to come along?"

Faith's face remained calm but McBurney could see almost panic in her eyes. "Oh, no thank you. I just started something here and I need to finish up – thank you."

"Well, goodnight." Major McBurney turned to walk toward the elevators.

Faith Coleman looked down at the beautifully wrapped box, and hesitated for a moment.

"Merry Christmas…..and thank you again." She tried to smile but then shut the door quickly.

As the elevators closed his sister spoke "Wow…not a very friendly person. is she?"

"You have to know Commander Coleman," He honestly didn't really know her, but what could he say? He almost felt sorry for her now. She was obviously alone tonight of all nights. He couldn't remember ever seeing her speak to anyone with whom she wasn't working. He shrugged his shoulders and shook his head as he walked out of the elevators. As he walked out of the building, his mother called,

"Come on you two, let's get this show on the road!"

"Coming, Mom."

"Coming, Mom." his sisters all said at once, teasing him.

McBurney stopped in his tracks. "Alright you guys – keep it up and no tour."

"Michael James! You get in this car!" The voice had to be his mother's.

The girls all laughed, and their laughter floated up to the window where Faith watched him climb into the SUV. She turned away from the window back toward her kitchen. She picked up the bowl from the counter and walked to her lidded and lined trash can and dropped it in. She then took everything on the counter and washed and wiped it down.

The order in which she had begun her task had been interrupted; she would have to start all over or not do it at all.

She walked into her living room and sat down on the couch. Her eyes came to rest on the brightly wrapped package the McBurneys had brought her. This was the only gift she had received today. She had not given any gifts at all. She had isolated herself from people for so long that she could barely grasp the concept of gift exchange. There were no Christmas decorations at all in her apartment. The only evidence of Christmas was the package from the McBurneys.

1935

Christmas Night

Robert's Residence

Harriet and her mother stood at the kitchen sink loading the dishwasher. It had been a fairly pleasant evening. No major gaffes made by anyone followed by the uncomfortable silences that seemed to go on and on.

"Well, at least there won't be any more babies," Lydia said with a sigh.

Harriet turned to her mother, incredulous. "What?" She should have known it was too good to be true.

"Well, I mean really, Harriet; you've been pregnant 4 times in less than 8 years. I think that's enough."

Harriet felt as though her mother had slapped her. She had a terrible habit of condensing her life into a sentence or two, making her feel small and insignificant. She turned to her. "Mother…."

Just then her father walked into the room. "Whoa, what's going on here?" He had seen the anger on his daughter's face.

Harriet looked directly at her mother. "Nothing…at least nothing that hasn't happened a thousand times before." She turned and walked out of the room.

Roland looked at his wife. "What did you say to her?"

"Me? Why do you always assume it was something –I- said?"

"Because it usually is." He had thought things were going so well.

"Well…excuse me if I show concern for my daughter…"

Harriet could hear her mother's voice dripping with self pity. She was so weary of it. Her mother would never change. How had her father stood it all these years?

She walked into the sunroom to compose herself. She would not let her mother ruin this day. She had her health, her beautiful children, and a husband who adored her and friends who made this time all the more special. For all their sakes and for that of the season she would enjoy this day.

2130

Chegwidden Residence

Meredith Creek, Maryland

AJ Chegwidden stood looking out at the beautiful night. The moonlight reflected off of the snow, giving the illusion of daylight. He was able to see nearly out to the water. The Christmas tree was the only illumination in the house.

"AJ."

He turned to see Marcella walking toward him. She was the only woman he knew who could manage to look elegant in lounging pajamas .He gathered her into his arms and kissed her. "You look lovely."

Marcella smiled. "It has been a wonderful day, has it not?"

He returned her smile. "It has. Where is Francesca?"

"She is upstairs phoning some friends who are spending the holiday in New York. I think she will be leaving us soon." She kissed him. "I think she's tired of being around such old people" She kissed his cheek and looked into his eyes seductively.

"Old?" AJ kissed her and began what was the perfect ending to a perfect day.

2230

Christmas Night

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Jack Keeter lay stretched out on the sofa, sleeping comfortably in front of the fireplace. Christmas turkey had knocked him out….more than once today. His hand had dropped from his chest to rest on Oscar's back and they both snored softly. Tom Boone descended the staircase and couldn't help smiling at the picture they made. Mrs. Rabb stood at the doorway of the kitchen.

She nodded toward Keeter and his new friend. "One old dog knows another." She laughed and Tom nodded his agreement. "Come on in the kitchen, I've made a fresh pot of coffee."

She took two mugs down from the cupboard and set them on the table. "It looks like you're a night owl tonight too."

Tom nodded. "I'm not much of a sleeper these days anyway."

She filled their mugs and they sat down. "Tom, I'd like to ask you something, if I may."

"Go ahead."

"Have you been able to find out anything about what happened in London….when Trish was killed?"

"To tell the truth, it has been difficult. There really isn't a lot to tell. We know the components were from a number of different countries in the Middle East. We know the car that held the bomb had been stolen a couple of hours before, but other than that..."

"The shake-ups in the Company make it that much more difficult to get reliable information." Jack stood in the doorway and had heard the last of what Tom had been saying. He walked into the kitchen and took a mug from the cupboard and filled it.

Jack continued, "This is going to be difficult to follow up…for quite some time. It really is a whole new ball game at Langley these days."

"High time if you ask me." Tom had been disgusted with the Company for some time…long before Harm's short stint in their employ.

"Hell of a time for a shake-up if you ask me. We're in the middle of a war here," Jack thought out loud.

"It's the best time, Keeter; we've got a job to do." Tom was adamant.

Mrs. Rabb stood and went to refill her coffee cup.

"Different times…huh, Mrs. Rabb?" Jack wanted to steer out of this particular conversation.

She nodded "Different and the same, I guess – it depends on your point of view. We had been attacked. We were defending our very existence as a nation." Mrs. Rabb shuddered at the memory. "You can't imagine what that was like. Nothing was certain. We didn't know if we would win. The first year of the war we lost a lot of battles. We lost a lot of good men; my husband was included in that number."

Jack leaned forward in his chair. "There are those who feel we are in the same situation now and others who see more grey areas."

Tom took a drink of his coffee. "To some….I'm not one of those people."

Mrs. Rabb spoke. "Oh there were what we called 'Isolationists' in our time, especially before Pearl Harbor, but their voices were all but drowned out by the reality of what was happening all over the world. We had Germany on one side of the world and Japan on the other with both their governments bent on world domination."

"Now we have a nameless stateless enemy." Tom smirked humorlessly as he said it.

"I hate that term. I think people use it to make the terrorists sound unbeatable." Jack was sick and tired of the way they had been portrayed in the media. Some even had the gall to compare them to freedom fighters. They weren't interested in anyone's freedom, in his opinion, but their own power.

Mrs. Rabb looked from the face of her son's best friend to that of her grandson's best friend. "Well, boys, I think we have studied the problems of the world enough for one night." She smiled and placed her hand on both of their arms where they rested on the table. "I appreciate your talking with me about this, Tom. I know there is probably a lot you can't say." Tom returned her smile

"Hey, Mrs. Rabb…do you have any more of those pastries we had this morning?"

Tom sat back and frowned at Jack… 'Where does he put it?' He was going to have to run every day next week to make up for the food he had been eating during his visit here.

2345

Pine loch cabin # 1

Somewhere in Pennsylvania

Mac lay on her back, sleeping deeply. Harm lay on his side next to her. The room was warm from the fireplace, almost too warm. He pulled the blanket and sheet back and down to his waist, which brought them down on Mac's side of the bed too. She looked like a picture from his dreams. The way her beautiful olive skin contrasted against the creamy white of the sheets. She didn't need sexy underwear; she was perfect with nothing at all. He softly placed his hand on her stomach and followed the lines of her well-defined muscles. She was still so strong, in spite of the surgery and all she had been through. She still worked out faithfully at least 3 times a week. He saw the top of her scar from her surgery in October – it didn't take away her beauty but seemed a testament to her strength.

Mac smiled in her sleep. Harm thought she was beginning to wake, but she slept on. He lay still on his side and continued his exploration. His stroking became more insistent on her stomach. Her hips, which had been almost sharp just two months ago, were now full and round. Mac's breathing became deeper and his heart beat just a bit faster. The feel of her under his hands never ceased to arouse him. He knew he should let her sleep, since they hadn't really slept very much at all, but he could not help himself. He leaned down softly kissing her neck, and she turned her head toward him and spoke his name in that sleepy sexy voice that he loved.

'She could always say no……right?'

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

Will You Always Be There?

Chapter 50

Disclaimer: I don't own these JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything up to and including 'There Goes the Neighborhood'. 'Ghost Ship' and 'The Return' are specifically referred to. Any spoilers may be loosely referred to.

A/N: Once again a reminder that this was written over the course of season 10 and is not meant to represent anything other than a JAG story.

A/N: Thanks to aerogirl for her beta reading and input.

1830

Sunday

December 26th

Pine loch cabin #1

The snow had finally stopped early that morning and the resort had snowplows going all day long to clear the way to the main building. Harm and Mac decided they would take a night out for dinner and dancing. It gave Mac another chance to wear something in yet another shade of red. She had worn something red every day since their wedding day. This was a deeper shade than she wore on the first night they spent here. She wore a long sleeved dress with a v neckline in front and in back. It was draped beautifully over her body, coming to rest just above her knees. Her shoes were of the same shade.

"You really are trying to kill me, aren't you, Mac?" Harm slid her coat onto her shoulders.

Mac gave him a mischievous smile. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

"Yes… you do." He kissed her cheek.

Mac tugged the lapel of his gray wool overcoat. He was handsome in his suit of the same color, making his eyes a heart-stopping blue gray. "I just wanted to do something every day to make it special." She kissed him lightly on the lips and started to draw herself away, but Harm followed her and pulled her into a more passionate kiss... He reached for her arms to pull her even closer to him, but Mac stepped back and broke the kiss. "Hey Sailor, I want to make it out of here before midnight." Harm had her lipstick on his mouth; Mac laughed and started to wipe it away. "I don't think it's your color, Harm."

Harm looked into the mirror near the door and dabbed away Mac's lipstick. "All right, Marine, we're going." He gave her another long look and opened the door for her.

The small nightclub was framed with glass and stone. The large windows brought in the beautiful landscape covered with snow. The moon shone on the snow, making it glitter like tiny diamonds over the frozen ground. The room had a soft golden glow. After their dinner Harm led Mac to the dance floor. Mac turned into his arms and lifted her arms around his neck. Harm let his hands slide down her back and he pulled her close to him as they fell easily into the rhythm of the slow sweet jazz... Mac was looking around, taking in everything, and Harm was just taking in Mac.

"I never would have known this was here. Our cabin seemed so isolated – I wouldn't have thought there was this much to the resort." She looked up and saw that he was looking at her very intently but she didn't think he was listening to her. She leaned a little closer to him and whispered, "Harmon Rabb, are you even listening to me?"

Harm looked at her lips and then into her eyes. "I am now."

1935

Sunday

Interstate 64 south

North of Norfolk, Virginia

Bud drove toward Norfolk, growing more and more anxious with every mile. He had been trying to reach his father since Christmas Eve with no luck. Big Bud and Harriet's parents still didn't get along well, so Big Bud decided to stay in Norfolk for Christmas this year. He had told Bud that he was meeting an old friend who was staying in town over the holiday so he was too busy anyway. Bud had been unable to reach him at home or on his cell phone. Big Bud usually let his battery run down in his cell half of the time, but it had been too long and Bud just knew there was something wrong. Mike had been quiet most of the trip. Bud had been so deep in thought that he hadn't noticed it until just now.

"Are you okay, Mike?"

'Yeah…I just hope we haven't made this trip for nothing. Dad's probably with someone he picked up in a bar somewhere and he hasn't come home yet."

"I don't think so this time. I know how he is, but I just have the feeling something is really wrong. I appreciate you coming down here with me."

Mike looked at Bud and grinned. "Hey…where else would I be?" Mike hoped Bud was wrong. He hoped he was too. He wasn't in the mood to go walking in on Dad and some sleazy woman he brought home. He hated going back there. It brought back too many memories. He remembered more than one Christmas when their mother had sent them outside or to a neighbor's house just to get them away from their father when he was drunk. The hell of it was that going to their friend's houses just reminded him of what they didn't have. They were made welcome most of the time; but everyone knew how their dad was, which made it that much worse.

They pulled up in front of their dad's place. There was a light on in the living room. Bud and Mike got out of the vehicle and walked toward the house. Big Bud's car was in the driveway. Bud walked over to it and placed his hand on the hood of the car. It was cold, so he probably hadn't been out for some time. 'Why wasn't he answering the phone?'

When they got to the door they could hear the television. Bud knocked but got no answer. Mike pounded and shouted 'Dad!' No one came to the door. Bud used his key, fearing the worst. He and Mike rushed into the front room to find Bud lying on the floor face down in what looked like papers wadded up and piled in the floor. The smell of stale beer in the room was strong. Mike stepped further into the room and saw that the papers were letters. Taking a closer look, he recognized his mother's handwriting. Mike turned to look at Bud. Bud carefully stooped over on one foot and picked up a beer bottle from the floor, half full, and set it on the table. It was then that he saw what Mike had, his mother's letters. Big Bud started to rouse himself awake.

"Dad?" Mike stayed out of arm's reach, a lesson learned at a very young age.

Big Bud raised his head to reveal a cassette player that had been hidden under his folded arms that he had used for a pillow. "Wha… Who the hell?"

Mike stepped back, arms out, "Dad, it's me."

Bud stepped forward between Mike and his dad. An old habit, even if Mike could probably take him or his dad on and win easily.

Big Bud scrambled to his feet. "Boys?...Is that my boys?"

Bud reached forward to stop him from coming any closer. He saw that his father wasn't in the mood to fight, but he wasn't ready for whatever this was. His dad stepped back and fell back into a sitting position on the couch. He was still drunk. Big Bud looked at the floor and tried to focus on what was in front of him. Recognition dawned, and though drunk he fully realized what his sons saw. Their disgust was plain on their faces. He had been listening to letter tapes that his wife had made. The boys had sung Christmas carols and her voice had been so clear and real. Big Bud leaned forward, his head in his hands. He had ruined everything and they couldn't go back. "Too late…" He stood and staggered toward Mike and Bud. His face contorted in pain. He turned and staggered toward his bedroom. "Too late," he said more loudly, sobbing as he said it. "It's too late, Angie."

Bud felt his stomach lurch. He had to get out of there. He turned and made his way out the door. He wasn't even aware of where Mike was. He stepped out into the yard and took in deep gulping breaths to try and stop the nausea that had come upon him so quickly. After about ten minutes he began to calm down and as he turned to go in the house, he saw Mike sitting on the porch. "Hallmark moment, huh?"

Bud was cynical "As close as we'll ever get."

"I rewound the tape….do you want to hear it?" Mike lifted the cassette player from the porch beside him.

Bud thought for a moment. He had just gotten his stomach under control. He drew a deep breath. It was his mother, after all. "Go ahead."

Mike pushed the button.

"Now, come on, boys. Sing like we practiced. We wish you a Merry Christmas." She sounded so young to him, and then he realized that she had been younger than Harriet when that tape was made. She hadn't even been thirty years old at the time.

The boys sang off key along with their mother's beautiful lilting voice. As the boys finished, she clapped her hands in approval. "Very good, boys." She told their father that she would be back to finish the tape after she put them to bed. She came back on and filled him in on the details of her day, then in closing she said, "I miss you so much, Bud, can't wait till you come home. I love you. 52 days and a wake up. …Bye."

Bud felt tears stinging at the backs of his eyes. His mother. She had loved his father in spite of everything. Bud was old enough to remember that there had been some very bad times before he left for that cruise. 'Why? Why was she gone and that selfish bastard still here?' The anger rose up in Bud quickly and unexpectedly. "Turn it off!" He stalked away toward his car. He slammed his fist on the hood of his car.

Mike jumped up from the porch and walked quickly out to Bud. "Take it easy."

Bud tried to calm himself. "I'm okay." He managed to slow his breathing. "I'm all right."

He wasn't, but he wasn't going to tell Mike that. "Let's go back inside and clean up and get out of here." They walked back toward the house.

It took them less than a half an hour to put things back in place and return his mother's letters and tapes to the cigar box that his father kept. They left them in the middle of his kitchen table and locked the door on their way out. Bud opened his cell phone called his home. Jennifer Coates answered. "Hello, Jen, can I speak with Harriet?"

"She's sleeping, sir."

"Well, don't wake her. Look, we're on our way back. Dad's okay, just sleeping it off." Bud heard Jen chuckle a bit. "Jen, could you stay another night? It will be late by the time we get back and we both have to be back at JAG in the morning."

Silence on the line.

"Look, I know we've been leaning on you pretty heavily, but…."

"Sir, it's not a problem really, that's what friends are for." She would just get up early and get ready for work at her own apartment. She wasn't looking forward to going back there without Mattie anyway.

"You're a lot more than a friend to us, Jen. Thank you."

Bud ended the call and he and Mike drove north, back to Washington. As they came out of the Hampton tunnel, Mike turned to Bud. "You know, sometimes it seems that no matter what I do, I can't shake the way things were when we were kids. I know it's in the past and I know Dad regrets all of it, but its still there. I can't forget it. I'm not even sure I forgive him…you know?"

Bud nodded. He knew…too well.

2230

Sunday

Pine loch cabin # 1

Somewhere in Pennsylvania

Harm sat in the corner of the sofa near the fireplace. Mac sat near him with her feet tucked under her. He was looking at what lay under the Christmas tree; the picture she had framed for him. It was a rough but realistic painting of the flight deck of a carrier at sea. The colors were the blues and grays and black of the ship, sky and sea. A group of sailors and aviators in khaki and dungarees were getting reading for flight operations. Harm knew it was impossible but some of the faces looked almost familiar. He could almost smell the jet fuel.

It was titled 'U.S.S. Hornet 1965.'

"Harm?"

He was startled out of his reverie. "Sorry, I was just admiring one of my Christmas presents." He smiled and leaned forward and kissed her softly. "Thank you….How did you find it, anyway?"

"To tell the truth, I saw it while we were on Tilghman Island, in that book shop you insisted we stop into. It wasn't even for sale, but when I saw the title I asked the clerk if I could speak with the proprietor, and we worked out a deal." She knew about his father's deployment on the Hornet in the sixties.

"How did you hide it? I would have seen it when we went home."

"I had it sent to your grandmother's house. " Mac gave him a smug smile. "The only thing I had to hide before the wedding was this." She pointed to the chain around his neck.

He pulled the chain from inside his shirt. The chain was white gold on which there was a St Christopher's medal. On the back was circular indentation that held grains of sand.

"This was a unique idea."

"I thought so." She had taken a handful of sand from the shore of Tighlman Island and put it in a Ziploc bag. It might have seemed adolescent but back then she wasn't sure what the future held for her and the weekend had meant so much to her. She wanted to bring a piece of it home with her. While Harm was in Iraq she had the medal made and had the sand embedded into the back of it.

"I always want to remember that time – it was wonderful." The memory never failed to warm her heart.

"I'll never forget it." Harm pulled her closer into his embrace; she turned and lay across his lap, facing him. "You said you loved me there." Harm looked down and then intently into her eyes.

"Yes, I did, and I think that was when I finally let myself believe that you loved me." Mac leaned in and kissed him. She leaned back and looked at him. The fire glowed yellow against his skin, and his eyes, so full of love, spoke to her. He had made sacrifices he never told her about. She wished so much that he had. "Harm, why didn't you tell me about being offered chief of staff at JAG in San Diego? You never said anything about it when you came back from the Seahawk."

"Who told you about that?" That had come out of left field. He remembered then that only one who knew besides the command in CINPACFLT was…

"Jack."

"Remind me to have a conversation with him when I see him again," Harm answered, looking slightly irritated.

"He thought I knew; he didn't mean to tell me anything I didn't know."

"I could have told you….. but things between us were not what I thought they would be when I got back." Harm looked away. "By then I didn't think it would make any difference." He had a sad look in his eyes.

"I didn't do a lot to make you think otherwise….did I?" Mac began to trace his jaw line with her finger. "I'm not trying to start anything, Harm; I just wanted to acknowledge a sacrifice you made. I'm so glad you came back to Headquarters." She looked him directly in the eye. The look on his face tugging at her heart.

"Mac, we both have regrets about that time, but in the final analysis it was just the road that led us here. I wouldn't be anywhere else." He leaned closer to her and whispered, "Anything was worth this, Mac." He kissed her lightly and then deepened the kiss, taking in the sweet taste of her.

0630

Monday

Jen and Mattie's apartment

North of Union Station

Jen opened the elevator doors and stepped out into the hallway. She was startled to see several people standing around her apartment door.

"What's going on here?"

"Jennifer Coates, you are under arrest for the murder of Vincent Dolan."

"What? But I haven't even been here. You can't pin this on me!"

A uniformed policewoman held up her uniform – it had a bloodstain that she could see across the hallway. "Witnesses saw you leave here in uniform Christmas Day. We got a call reporting a fight and screaming. We investigated and found this in the floor of the elevator. Is this your uniform?"

"You could get that at any Army/Navy surplus store." Jen knew it was, in fact, her uniform. It was Pia, she knew that now. 'Where the hell was she?'

The officer lifted the name tag from the shirt. "This too?"

"That doesn't prove anything."

"Come with us."

1645

Tuesday

Mattie and Jen's Apartment

North of Union Station

The DNA evidence had freed her and Gunny could verify where she had spent the holiday. She had spent the night in a holding cell. That had been an experience. She didn't think she had given anyone the impression that she was afraid. She hadn't been in jail in DC before. She recognized the look in the eyes of the other women being held with her, but it was like stepping into another world – a cold harsh world, where there was no one that she could trust. She had seen that world before, but this place seemed to take it to a whole new level. Thank God Gunny had given her his phone number. What would she have done? She couldn't have called Bud and Harriet and involve them in this mess. Harm and Mac were out of the question. Gunny had met her at the police station and brought her home.

"You aren't going to try and stay here tonight, are you, Jen?" Gunny hoped she wouldn't insist.

"Look, Gunny, I'll be fine. I'm a big girl. If I can stay in that holding cell all night, this should be a piece of cake. Besides, the commander and the colonel will be back tonight, so I won't be all alone in the building." She sighed and opened the elevator doors.

Gunny followed her out of the elevator and they both noticed the door to her apartment slightly ajar. Jen walked more quickly to the door and peered in. The room was completely torn apart. A huge bloodstain was still on the floor where Vince had fallen. The white tape tracing the place where he lay was still in full view.

"They never tell you on all those cop shows that the victims or their families have to clean this mess up most of the time. At least let me help you." He walked into the kitchen and took a bucket from under the sink.

Jen just stood and watched him, still unable to absorb it all. She had not shed a tear since this terrible ordeal began. Her friend had lied to her and betrayed her. She had tried to frame her for murder when all Jen had wanted to do was help her. Her chin began to tremble and she bit back the tears that stung her eyes. 'Damn it… I'm not going to lose it now,' she thought. She walked into the kitchen to help Gunny.

Victor looked over at Jen and saw her trying to get herself under control. He tried to help her by making a joke. "Yeah, leave it to the Marines…always having to clean up after the Navy." He looked at her with a sly smile, and she tried to laugh, but it came out more like an awkward and too loud sob. She clamped her hand over her mouth trying to hold it all in. "Jen, it's all right." She shook her head no and started to back away from him.

She turned and walked toward the living room "It's not all right…I feel like a fool. She was my friend, Victor…I was trying to help her. God…. I can't believe she would have let me get sent up for murder and walk away."

Victor walked toward her and, standing slightly behind her, touched the back of her arm. "You had no way of knowing how far she had fallen, you know?"

She turned toward him. "I would never have done that." Her eyes filled with tears "Not even on my lowest day, I would never have betrayed her that way."

Victor didn't answer her but nodded his agreement. She was going from age 50 back to 18 again. No wonder she could con the best of them. Those big innocent eyes and the tears flowing down her cheeks were enough to break his heart.

She looked around her apartment at everything that had been thrown around, in some cases broken. She didn't have many valuables but this was all she had. She felt violated, like what she had called her home had been taken away from her. She hastily wiped the tears from her face.

"Look, Jen, let me take you back to Bud and Harriet's. They already offered to let you stay with them. Let your friends help you."

"I can't impose on them again."

"You could stay at my place…I could take the couch." Gunny knew he was treading on thin ice but he could not leave her here in this mess.

Jen thought for a moment. She knew she couldn't stay here. She was definitely not going to Gunny's. "I appreciate the offer, Gunny….but I think I will call Bud and Harriet and ask them if I can stay a few nights." She looked around the apartment. "Even after I get this cleaned up, I don't think I'll be living here."

"It's probably not a good idea." Jen was sounding a little more solid, more like herself. Gunny was relieved. He was also glad she had chosen to go back to Bud and Harriet's. He knew he wouldn't have left her alone but he wasn't sure he wasn't ready to have her stay at his apartment. He really did want to get to know her better, but he wasn't quite ready to get too close just yet. He reached out from arm's length and gave her arm a squeeze. "Let's get this mess cleaned up, kid."

"Hey….who are you calling a kid?" She pretended irritation.

"Get moving, Navy….or I'll see that you're put on report," he threw over his shoulder as he walked back toward the kitchen.

1715

Tuesday

Harm's Apartment building

North of Union Station

Harm pulled into his parking place in front of his building. He didn't notice the other two cars parked on the opposite side. He slid from behind the wheel and hurried over to open the passenger side door. Mac turned to get out and Harm scooped her up into his arms before she had a chance to stand up.

"What are you doing?" Mac was laughing.

"Hey, don't want to start this off the wrong way. I have to carry the bride over the threshold; we have to keep up with tradition."

"Harm we aren't even in the building yet."

"I'll be fine…although I will say you are getting a little heavier, Mrs. Rabb." He grinned mischievously.

"Oh is that right? I think you just may still be a little worn out from all that snow tubing yesterday."

"Don't worry, Mac, I think I'm recovering just fine." He gave her a 'wait till I get you alone' leer.

Mac whispered in his ear. "Was that look a threat…or a promise?"

He kissed her and carried her out of the elevator doors. They both saw Jen's door ajar and he put Mac down and they both went to make sure everything was all right. What they saw stunned them both.

"What the hell happened here?"

Jen was standing in her kitchen and Gunny heard the commander's voice so he walked out of the bedroom.

"Gunny?"

"Sir." He acknowledged him with a nod.

Jen thought she better explain as quickly as she could. "Pia and Vince came back…but Vince didn't leave."

The white tape and blood stain was still on the floor near her pantry.

"Are you all right?" Harm's mind was churning a mile a minute. 'What if Mattie had been here?' "Where is Pia?"

Gunny spoke up. "The police think she is long gone. They have evidence that she committed the murder." He nodded toward Jen. "She tried to frame Jen before she left town. She almost pulled it off – if it hadn't been for the DNA evidence she left behind on the uniform, Jen would still be in jail."

Harm walked toward Jen. "Are you sure you're all right? Where are you going to stay?"

Jen would never stay at Harm's that was certain.

Gunny stepped up behind Jen and placed his hand on the back of her arm. He looked at Harm directly. "She's going back to Bud and Harriet's." He knew that there was nothing inappropriate between Jen and the commander. He couldn't have said why exactly, but it was important that Jen handle this without the commander. She would be fine. He would see to it. His look was not angry but it definitely told the commander that things were already under control.

Harm saw that the gunny and Jen had become closer, although how close remained to be seen. He was relieved and glad for Jen's sake. "At least let us help you get this cleaned up."

Gunny and Jen spoke at once. "No, sir."

Then Jen alone spoke. "Thank you, but we have this under control." She was so relieved Gunny was there. This situation was embarrassing enough without having the commander involved in it. She smiled at Gunny and started back into the kitchen.

Gunny and the commander looked at each other. "Gunny, you will let us know if you need anything, all right?"

"Of course, sir."

Harm hadn't been paying any attention to Mac at all. She stood near the bloodstain on the floor. The smell and the sight of the ransacked room had brought back her memory of her encounter with Sadiq Fahd. She thought that death had a scent; she remembered it from that time. For a moment it had all come flooding back Harm looked at Mac and she was pale as a ghost. She looked at him and he saw what she was remembering.

"Are you ready to go?"

Mac swallowed hard. "Yes." She nodded as she said it.

Chapter 51

Disclaimer: I don't own these JAG characters and I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story.

Spoilers: Anything up to and including 'Man on the Bridge' and any spoiler floating around out there

0235

Tuesday

December 28th

Harm and Mac's Apartment

North of Union Station

Mac woke suddenly to find she was alone in bed. She saw Harm standing in the living room. He had his back to her and she heard him talking to someone. 'Who could be here at this hour?' She got up and walked toward Harm, and he turned to look at her with a cold hard gaze.

She saw Sadiq standing with Harm, and heard him say. 'She is a whore…. She is barren.'

Mac couldn't believe what she had been seeing. It couldn't be real. "No!" she yelled at the top of her voice, as if the word alone could make it all disappear.

She looked again at Harm and there was Alicia standing close to him. Mac watched as she slipped her arm around him and Harm looked at Alicia with that soft look that Mac believed was hers alone.

"Harm?...what are you doing?" They both turned toward her…Harm pulled Alicia into his arms and Mac felt as if a knife had been plunged into her heart. She drew in a breath sharply. "No!...Please…this can't be happening." she was shaking, violently…then she felt herself being held by her arms, unable to get away. She struggled against it.

Harm tried to wake her. She pushed him away, frantic in her dream. Mac came awake and immediately recoiled from Harm, quickly tucking her legs up under her and scooting to the corner of the bed. She stood and backed away from him. She looked at Harm as if she were almost afraid of him.

"Mac? What is it?"

Mac shook her head, trying to clear it. She looked around her. The apartment was dark except for the street light that shone through the closed blinds. Her chest was heaving; she could still hear Sadiq, and she could still see Harm holding another woman in his arms. She couldn't speak. She stepped around the edge of the room and backed down the stairs and turned to walk into the kitchen. A glass of water, that was what she needed. Something to tell her she was not still in that nightmare. She turned the light on; there was no one else there. No Sadiq…..no Alicia.

Harm had gotten up, following her into the kitchen. He was talking to her, trying to find out what the hell was going on. She hadn't been able to hear him until now. "Mac, for God's sake. What is wrong?"

Mac turned to look at him, her eyes still full of fear and distrust. She walked into the living room "I had a nightmare."

"I gathered that. Why are you looking at me like that, Mac?" She hadn't looked at him that way in a long time. He knew it was just the result of a nightmare, but she didn't seem to be able to shake it, whatever it was about.

Mac sat down on the couch and Harm followed her. "Talk to me, Mac." He should have known she would react this way to the crime scene that had been left next door.

Mac looked at him and finally saw her husband. The love and concern was evident on his face. Relief flooded over her so quickly that she almost burst into tears.

"I'm sorry." She looked down, almost ashamed that she had even dreamed he could be so cruel.

"It must have been some nightmare." He tried to keep eye contact with her but she kept looking back down at her hands. 'What was that look?' he wondered.

"It was… I…"She wasn't sure she could do this without crying. She just didn't have a handle on any of her emotions tonight. The scene in Jen and Mattie's apartment had brought back Sadiq's words and her old fear of abandonment. This time it would be Harm leaving her because she was 'defiled' and 'barren.' Damn Sadiq Fahd and his twisted mind. His words tortured her still.

"Take your time." He reached out to touch her arm.

Mac stiffened at first and then relaxed under his touch. This was her Harm, the man who loved her. She drew in a breath, calming herself.

"When I saw the mess in Jen's apartment – the tape on the floor, the smell of blood – it just took me back to my confrontation with Sadiq." Okay… she had done okay so far, she thought.

"Mac, a situation like the one we walked in to tonight is bound to trigger those memories. Just remember that I'm on your side." He tipped her chin to try to catch her gaze again.

"That wasn't all, was it?"

"No."

"Tell me, I can't help if I don't know."

There it was. That soft, indulgent and loving look that made her heart ache. She didn't want to tell him. It was silly to even think about it. It had so little to do with the truth.

She looked away from him. She knew if she didn't tell him he would know she was holding something back from him. That would hurt him, and she was not going there ever again if she could help it.

"It's silly..."

"Maac." If they had to sit up all night she was going to tell him.

"You were in my nightmare. Sadiq was saying to you what he said to me…that I was 'defiled' and 'barren,' and you believed him – or in my nightmare you did. You looked at me as though you never had loved me at all. Then suddenly I saw you with…" She drew a deep breath to get herself under control. "Alicia and you were leaving me. I saw that you cared about her….its stupid, I know, but I 'felt' you leaving me."

Harm gathered her into his arms. "I'm never leaving you, Mac, ever. You know there was never anything between Alicia Montes and me, right? I agreed to help her on a case, but ended up having to recuse myself because of Commander Lindsey's involvement."

Sadiq had left his mark on Mac even in death. He had begun his mind game even before Mac left Paraguay and what he had said still haunted her. Harm understood more than she knew.

Mac knew what he said was true, but she couldn't shake how the nightmare had made her feel. "I think I'll call Commander McCool in the morning. I finished up with her earlier this month. I have a follow up appointment in March, but I think I still need to sort some things out."

"Good idea." Harm looked at the clock. It was a little after 0300. "We had better hit the rack or we're both going to be walking in our sleep."

They settled back into bed and Harm pulled her into his arms. Mac rested her head on his chest. She could hear his strong steady heartbeat and very soon she fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

1000

Friday

December 31st

Commander McCool's office

National Naval Medical Center

Bethesda, Maryland

Mac settled back in her seat on the couch. She was not in the least uneasy with Commander McCool. "Thank you for seeing me on such short notice."

"You're welcome, Colonel Rabb." Commander McCool opened her file.

"Let's just start at the beginning."

"Harm and I came home from our honeymoon last Tuesday evening. The apartment next door to Harm's…ours was a crime scene. A man was murdered. The tape was on the floor and I could smell the blood."

Mac stared blankly at nothing as she spoke. She seemed to be transporting herself back to another crime scene.

"I know you cannot give me details, but apparently this has resurrected another experience when someone was killed. Someone you knew."

Mac smiled sarcastically. "You could say that. I can only say he was a very bad person, who had a central role in torturing and killing a great many people. He never hurt me physically, but his words are still in my mind. He knew a great deal about my past, my heritage, and he used what he knew against me."

Commander McCool listened intently. It had shown great progress that the colonel knew she needed to come in right away. She had made more progress than she realized.

"Anyway, after Harm and I left the apartment where the murder occurred and returned to our own, I thought I had shaken off whatever thoughts I had about this person. Then I had a nightmare, a very realistic one. Harm was in it too; in my dream Harm didn't love me, he was leaving me and he was hearing some of the things this person said to me. I was so shaken by it that it took a while for me to even let Harm near me after I woke up. I felt awful for being that way toward him."

Commander McCool was silent for a few moments. "Why do you think you had the nightmare, Colonel?"

Mac had been thinking about this since Wednesday morning. "I have some ideas. I had just come back from what was probably the best five days of my life. I walked into a situation that took me back to one of the worse moments of my life." She shrugged her shoulders and looked down at her hands. "I know I still have trouble believing I deserve to be happy."

"Have you had any more nightmares since the night you came back?"

"No."

"Has your husband seemed distant or unsupportive in any way?"

Mac shook her head. "On the contrary, he is as supportive as ever."

"Colonel, do you feel you have lost some of the progress that we made while you were here in counseling?"

"No."

"Then why the immediate call? Don't misunderstand me: I want you to call and make an appointment anytime you feel that you need to." She waited for Mac to answer the question.

"I suppose I don't want to make Harm go through any more than he already has with me. I want to be healthy and whole both physically and mentally. It bothered me that I couldn't shake the nightmare immediately."

"It speaks well that you recognized a potential problem and moved quickly to resolve it. It also shows great progress that you already understand what the reasons for your nightmare could have been. Does your husband know the details of your dream?"

"Yes – in fact he knows more about it than you do. He was indirectly involved in the first situation that made my CO insist I go to counseling. "

"That may have been another reason he was in your dream." Commander McCool rose from her desk and walked around to the front of it.

"Colonel, I don't believe there is a need to resume counseling at this point. You have made more progress than you realize. However, I would like to hear from you if you experience any other nightmares of this severity on a consistent basis. Apparently the trauma you experienced, the one that triggered your need for counseling the first time, may surface from time to time. It is not uncommon for persons who are required to perform at the level you were."

Mac smiled without humor. She had never heard it said quite that cleanly. 'The level at which she was required to perform.' That was one way to put it. She shook her head. Sadiq Fahd was dead. The world was well rid of him.

Commander McCool spoke again, pulling Mac from her thoughts. "I would like you to keep your follow-up appointment in March. When will you see Captain Morrison again?"

"Mid January."

"Feeling well?"

"Great, really. I didn't realize how badly I must have been feeling until I began to recover after my surgery. I always passed weakness off as fatigue. Pains in my back as a muscle pull. Now I'm feeling more like myself than ever."

"That's good to hear." She walked back around her desk. "Are you still working on your 5 year and 10 year goals?"

"Yes, nothing has changed where that is concerned." She lifted her hand, showing her wedding band. "I already met one goal." She smiled sheepishly. Children – one way or the other – and private practice were quite a while away, or so she thought.

"Congratulations, Colonel."

Mac stood as their session ended. She already knew what had happened and had done what she needed to do to sort things out. 'Maybe I am doing better than I think,' she mused.

1400

Friday

December 31st

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm closed his briefcase and turned to shake Sturgis's hand. This had not been the most exciting case to argue. It was an Article 32 hearing regarding a minesweeper which had hit a Chesapeake Bay buoy, causing some damage. Harm couldn't believe it came to an Article 32. It was an accident pure and simple. The ship was still seaworthy. There was no need for this.

"Tough case." Harm rolled his eyes.

"We prosecute and defend to the best of our ability, Commander." Sturgis assumed his temporary CO demeanor for a moment. He winked and they left the courtroom.

"You and Mac have any plans tonight?"

"No, not really."

"Why don't you two come to the Blue Note and celebrate the New Year with Varise and me?"

"Sounds good – I'll run it by Mac. I think we're both ready to leave this work week behind us, even if it was only three days long."

"I know what you mean. I think I'm ready for some cases I can sink my teeth into. The case load over the holiday has been almost mind-numbing. Frankly, buddy, I don't know if I would have been able to stand it if you had been here over the holiday too. There was almost nothing to do."

Harm walked along listening to Sturgis. They both entered the bullpen.

"So what time?"

Sturgis shrugged "Oh... say about 2000."

Harm was looking over his shoulder and was walking toward his office. General Creswell was directly in his pathway and saw the commander coming. Harm sensed something in his path and stopped abruptly as he turned to face the general. Harm came to attention. "Sir." Sturgis was already on his way down the hallway to his office. The rest of the office had been ordered to stand at ease before Harm came in to the bullpen.

The general was carrying a cup of coffee and studied Harm as he raised it to his lips. "Quick reflexes, commander." Harm still stood at attention.

"Yes sir. Thank you, sir."

He studied Harm and walked around behind him. "Are you going to celebrate the New Year?"

"Yes, sir." Harm was a little uncomfortable standing at attention in the middle of the bullpen. A lot of the staff had secured for the day but there were enough present for Harm to have an audience.

The general walked toward his office. "At ease."

Harm started to walk into his office.

"Oh and Commander?" The general turned back toward Harm.

"Yes, sir?" Harm looked back at him questioningly.

"Happy New Year." He turned again and walked into his office.

"Thank you, sir."

Harm walked into his office and sat down. He looked out of his open door to see Gunny at his desk grinning from ear to ear. Harm watched him until he looked up and gave him a sharp look. Gunny immediately looked back down again, minus the smug grin. This new CO could make Harm feel like he was fresh out of the Academy. He still didn't know how to take him. He wondered if he would ever get used to it. He turned his chair to face the window and couldn't help but laugh at himself. It probably had made a good show. He turned back around and picked up his phone to dial Mac's office.

"Colonel Rabb," said the familiar voice.

"Hello, Colonel Rabb." He loved the sound of that. "How would you like a date with the sharpest lawyer at JAG?"

"Sturgis, you know I'm a married woman." Mac was laughing now.

"Very funny." Harm narrowed his eyes.

"You asked for it," she said smugly.

"Hey, seriously, what do you say we join Sturgis and Varise at the Blue Note tonight?"

"Sounds good. I have another couple of hours of paperwork to clear up and then I'll be ready to go. How about you?"

"I have a bit to do, not much. I'll be glad to see this week end. I don't know when it's ever been this…."

"You're bored? I'll have to let the admiral know, and maybe he and the general can think up something challenging for you to do." She was chuckling.

"Knock it off, Marine. I know all of your weaknesses and I'm not afraid to use them against you ….should I choose." Mac could hear the leer over the phone.

"That's true, Sailor….but I know all of yours too." She ended the call and looked at the phone for a moment. She grinned and shook her head. 'Back to work…or I'll never get out of here,' she thought.

1645

Lieutenant Commander Faith Coleman's office

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Major Mike McBurney knocked on the closed door.

"Enter." Faith looked up from her desk. She was in the process of finishing up for the day and clearing her desk.

"I'd like to make you an offer on the Medina case."

"I'm listening." Petty Officer Medina had been caught fraudulently enlisting recruits by altering their test results. The evidence was irrefutable.

"Six months confinement and forfeiture of half a month's pay for three months. Bust him down to E 4 but he stays in the Navy." McBurney raised his eyebrows, trying to turn on the charm to no avail.

"12 months confinement, he forfeits half a months pay for six months. He will be demoted to the rank of E 2 and given a bad conduct discharge. " He was still trying to use that 'charm' that she could spot a mile off. It took all of her control not to laugh at him.

"10 months for the confinement and pay cut, busted to E 2, letter of reprimand in his record and he stays in the Navy." She was going to deal, he could tell. He would have settled for the 12 months but she didn't have to know that.

She would win, she was sure; this guy would leave the Navy. He'd be so broke that he would have to get a civilian job to support his family. "Done. I'll speak to Judge Helfman."

"I can do it." He was trying to offer an olive branch. She seemed more mechanical and distant than usual.

She arched an eyebrow. 'What is this about?' "Fine."

"So, are you going to celebrate the New Year?" He had been working with her since October, but they could have just met for all that he knew about her.

"I never have. I usually like this time of year, though."

"Oh…new beginnings and all?" Conversation was like pulling teeth with her. No rapid fire questions or summation, as in court. In fact now that he thought about it, it was the only time he had ever seen her smile. She smiled beautifully when she was kicking his butt, which she had done three times since they began their rotation at JAG.

"No, I liked it as a child because it meant I returned to school, the holidays were over."

McBurney wasn't sure what to say. He needn't have worried. Faith Coleman had a great deal of perception. She knew how to make the major uncomfortable and how to get him to back off. She had been successful in keeping every one at arms length. She preferred things that way. It helped her maintain the status quo and that was the only thing that gave her any peace of mind. She looked down at her desk and at her briefcase. She would need to begin again. She took her pens out and placed them in a cup she kept on her desk. She removed her paper….

"OCD?" McBurney had seen her begin this ritual nearly every time he worked with her. She was not as obvious as she was right now though.

She looked up at him quickly. "Yes, Major, I have a mild form of the disorder." Her voice took on an edge. "My symptoms are completely manageable. I am not unstable nor do I have a weak personality."

"Look, Faith, I never said…" He hadn't meant to offend her.

"In the future, Major McBurney, I would appreciate it if we spoke on a professional level only. I would also prefer that you not use my given name. I will strive to keep my…problem from interfering in any work that I do with you or with JAG as a whole. I have served without difficulty for 10 years and I expect to continue."

'What's the point?' he thought. He could not win with her. At least she had been willing to make a deal with this case. He didn't know what was worse, opposing her or trying to work with her on the same team.

She took a calming breath. "Major McBurney, I do appreciate your efforts to build some type of rapport with me. However, I do not pursue relationships of any kind with anyone that I work with. I do not expect to change that in the future. Stressful situations seem to make the disorder more apparent to others, as I am sure you have already read in your research."

Mike looked at her dumbfounded. Relationship? Hell, he was just trying to talk to her.

"I was referring to friendship, Major." She looked at him smugly.

She could read him too well and he did not like it at all.

Faith sensed his discomfort and could not keep from smiling.

"Well, what do you know? Faith Coleman can smile outside the courtroom….Oh… sorry, Commander Coleman." With that he turned and left her office before she had an answer for him.

She continued to smile as her eyes followed him out of her office and into the bullpen.

2345

New Year's Eve

The Blue Note

Georgetown

Varise stood at the microphone dressed in shimmering silver. There were ribbons and confetti of almost every color already lightly resting in her hair. Couples were on the dance floor, located just in front of her. Sturgis stood just outside of the crowd taking her in, beaming with pride. She looked at him and gave him a wink. She brought her fingers to her lips and blew him a kiss. A diamond sparkled on her left ring finger and she began to sing. "I want a little sugar in my bowl…"

Harm and Mac were on the dance floor, enjoying the music and each other. Mac giggled when she heard the music begin.

"Harm, do you recognize that song?" She looked at him slyly and arched a brow.

He listened and then he remembered.. It was song that had come on the radio while they were in his grandmother's kitchen last October. His grandmother had taken great pleasure in teasing him about that song, if he remembered correctly. He looked down at Mac and gave her a lopsided grin.

"You and my grandmother had a little too much fun at my expense that afternoon."

"But you made it so easy." She leaned back and touched his cheek. She ran the tips of her fingers through his hair. He was giving her a look that made her want to take him home right then.

"You know they say whatever you're doing at midnight is what you'll be doing all year."

"What are we doing here, then?" He teased her with a dangerous look in his eye.

The crowd suddenly began to count down "5,4,3,2,1! Happy New Year!"

Harm pulled her body flush with his and kissed her with all the love and passion he felt in his heart.

It was a Happy New Year, the best that either of them had ever had.

Chapter 52

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters. I don't own any label or product mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

0935

Friday

14 January

Captain Morrison's office

National Naval Medical Center

Bethesda, Maryland

Captain Dan Morrison entered the room and sat down behind his desk. Mac sat on a chair in front of it.

"Things are looking good, Colonel. Your incision is healing nicely. You have gained 10 pounds and returned to your previous activity level. We should have the results of your blood work by Monday."

"Great."

"Do you have any concerns?"

"I have a minor concern, sir, but I can discuss it with Commander Fletcher when I see her."

"And that would be…" The captain frowned.

"Well…I haven't, um, menstruated since long before my surgery. I know I was taking medications to stop my ovulation. I began birth control in November, but I haven't had a regular cycle yet." Mac looked at him directly. "I feel fine, so I'm sure it's nothing."

The captain picked up his phone and spoke into it. "Corpsman, I'd like to add another test to the Colonel Rabb's blood work…." He added the test and ordered the corpsman to notify him immediately when the results were in. He hung up and sat back in his chair.

He did not like this turn of events. This could complicate a case that he had hoped would have a successful result.

"When do you see Commander Fletcher?" His expression was unreadable.

"Next week." Mac was starting to worry.

"Colonel, we may have a problem here." The captain steepled his fingers and looked at her directly.

"Captain, I'm sure I'm not pregnant. I feel great; I have no signs of morning sickness. I'm stronger than I've been in months. I'm running again. I work out at least three times a week.. I'm due for my PFT Monday and I'm sure I'll do well."

"Colonel, you will need to hold off on the PFT until we get a result on your blood work."

"I didn't think there would be a problem so I went ahead and scheduled it." Mac had been looking forward to seeing how she had progressed and what her abilities were compared to her scores last year.

"There may not be. I don't want to alarm you, but as I have said before, we have to be cautious."

"I haven't even thought of the possibility of being pregnant now." She had known what he suspected without his having to say it. Mac could barely grasp it.

"It would be a risk, Colonel, a big one." He had cautioned her that she should wait at least a year. A pregnancy this soon would leave her open to a reoccurrence of the tumor and a rapid spread. There was still a great deal of discussion with Johns Hopkins about the origin and type of tumor they were dealing with. The risk was great all the same. He discussed this with Mac.

Mac was trying to get her mind around the possibilities. Harm was due back this afternoon. He had been away for a week, on the Coral Sea. She was ported in Portsmouth Naval Shipyard for an extended yard period. Harm had called and told her they had wrapped up the investigation. They had both been extremely busy since the first of the year.

"My husband and I haven't even really talked about this, not in any detail anyway."

She knew Harm would be worried, to say the least. "I didn't think I had to even think about it for another year."

"It is of course your decision, Colonel. Medically there is justification to terminate…"

"There will be no termination, sir." She could not fathom it. "I believe in a woman's right to choose, Captain, but if I am pregnant this may be my only chance. I won't give that up."

"Let's just discuss this when and if you are pregnant."

Mac sat looking at her hands, at her wedding ring. She had already gotten into the habit of twisting it on her finger when she was deep in thought.

"Colonel?"

"Yes, sir….I'm sorry – I was lost in thought." Her mind was still reeling with the possibilities.

"Johns Hopkins is still working with us on this case. I will contact Dr. Ahrens, he may want to see you as well." He truly did hope that Ahrens was right. Dr Ahrens believed that this tumor was of a different characteristic and origin. This would give the colonel a greater chance of survival, should she be pregnant. He stood and Mac rose from her chair.

"Sir."

"Colonel Rabb, if you have not heard from my office by 1200 Monday you should contact me."

Mac left the office slightly dazed. What would she tell Harm? He had been so adamant that they not even consider having biological children around the time the Roberts twins were born. She understood his fears and dismissed them because she thought the possibilities were so small that she'd ever be able to conceive.

She walked out to her car and started back to the office. She knew she would have to talk to him about this. She also knew what his reaction would be. The more she thought about it the more she knew that she would just wait until she had the results of her blood work before she discussed this with Harm. There was no need to upset him with something that might not be true. She couldn't believe it yet herself.

1430

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm exited the elevator and pushed the glass doors of the bullpen open. He was so glad to be back. This investigation had been hellacious. A mess from start to finish. As much as he hated to do it, he was going to have to recommend an Article 32 hearing for the engineering officer and some of the senior enlisted aboard the Coral Sea. There might be other charges as a result of the hearing.

A young sailor was dead. They were in port and due to poor follow-through, in his opinion, from the captain to senior enlisted, a family lost a son. If this went to court-martial it would be the second major incident aboard this vessel in the last year. Their CO had been relieved of command last year. This was definitely going to get worse before it got better.

Harm was to report to General Creswell immediately. "Is the general available, Petty Officer?" Jen looked up to see Harm standing just outside the doorway.

"He's expecting you, sir." Jen buzzed the general's office. "I have Commander Rabb here for you, sir?"

"Send him in."

Harm walked into the general's office and came to attention.

"At ease, Commander. Have a seat."

"Thank you, sir."

"I'm just going over your preliminary report. This is going to be difficult, Commander, but I agree with your findings in this matter."

"Yes, sir."

"It's a shame. This ship has a long, proud history, but it has been plagued by one catastrophe after another."

"There are a number of problems and contributing factors, sir: the extended yard period, new engineering officers, and a leading chief that didn't seem to know the basic safety procedures aboard that ship or any other. The specific extraction gear was not in place, the very equipment needed to reach the sailor after the casualty. The boilers had been tagged off but the engineering officer of the watch authorized their removal."

"The new LCPO?"

"Yes, I think it is safe to say a lot of this is going to come down on his decision making and lack of leadership."

"What about the engineering officers?"

"As I stated in my report, sir, they were either unaware or not involved enough to know."

"A terrible way for anyone to die, Commander."

"Yes, sir." Petty Officer Thomas White had been inside boiler number three when it was inadvertently lit off by other engineering personnel in the fire room. The petty officer was burned to death inside that boiler because the repair tags had been ordered to be removed by the engineering officer of the watch.

General Creswell closed the file. "That will be all, Commander."

Harm stood and came to attention. "Sir." Then he turned and left the room, closing the door behind him

"Sir, you have a call on line three. It's Mattie, sir." She gave the commander a small smile. There was no personal conversation when they were standing that close to the general's office. They had never discussed it, but it was understood between them.

"I'll take it in my office, Petty Officer." He gave her a quick wink and left her office.

Since the incident at the apartment Mattie had stayed with her Dad in Blacksburg. It was sooner than they had planned but it was for the best. Jen had decided that she was not coming back and there really wasn't anywhere for her to stay in Harm's apartment. Harm suspected that Mattie was secretly pleased about the arrangement. She got to be near her new 'friend' Kevin that much sooner. She was supposed to go with him and Mac to Belleville at the change of semester for a long weekend. He hoped nothing had happened to change that.

He picked up the receiver. "Hey, kiddo."

"Hey yourself – did you just get back?" He had sent a couple of e mails during the week.

"Yeah, just, I was walking out of the general's office when I got your call. I haven't even seen Mac yet." She was in court, just down the hall. He wished she could call 'a short recess' as he looked longingly in the direction of the hallway.

"I just wanted to call and say hi. You still want me to go to Belleville, right?"

"Of course. Nothing has changed on your end, has it?"

"No, I'm looking forward to it. I like your grandmother, Harm. I think she and I have a lot in common."

"Yeah, you and she like to gang up on me and give me a hard time. I don't know if I can handle you, Mac and my grandmother. Maybe I'll invite Keeter so I won't be outnumbered."

"From what your grandmother tells me…I don't think he would be much help." She chuckled over the phone.

"All right, Ms Grace, I think that's enough." He laughed as he said it.

"Hey, I have to go. I just wanted to talk to you for a minute and make sure we were still on for next weekend."

"We are. We'll see you Friday afternoon."

"Bye, Harm."

Harm ended the call. He looked at his phone for a moment. He did miss her, but he was relieved that she hadn't gone back to the apartment. After seeing the police tape and the mess in that apartment, he could not stand the idea of her being anywhere near the place. Pia was still at large, so no one knew when she might show up at the apartment.

Harm sat down at his desk and turned on his computer. He began what he knew was going to be a long afternoon. All he wanted was to get home to Mac. This was grim work this time. This was a sad story, and so unnecessary. This was the part of the job he hated. He enjoyed the investigation, the time in court, but the paperwork – especially on a case like this – ramped up the tension like nothing else. He shook his head and began his final report.

1645

JAG Headquarters

Harm's Office

Falls Church, Virginia

Mac could see Harm sitting at his desk. He looked tired. He hadn't been able to discuss anything with her. She could end up presiding if the case went to trial, so she couldn't have access to any of the details. She knocked on the open door.

Harm didn't look up. "Enter."

"Nice greeting, Commander Rabb." Mac knew he hadn't realized it was her.

"Hello, Colonel, close the hatch." He looked up and gave her a welcoming smile. "Have a seat." His look softened and he leaned forward on his desk. "So, did you miss me?"

"Oh, maybe, just a little." She wished she could just walk across the room and greet him like any other wife, but she was in uniform. She sighed audibly. "When do you think you'll be ready to get out of here?"

Harm's expression turned serious. "Not for a while. This is going to be a bear, Mac." He wasn't going to say more.

Mac understood, seeing the dark circles under his eyes. She was glad she had decided not to discuss Captain Morrison's concerns with him. That was the last thing he needed tonight. "You look tired."

"I am." Then he thought of how she might interpret that statement. "Not too tired, though." He gave her a sly smile.

"I didn't think that for a minute." She stood and walked back toward the door, then turned back toward him. She was suddenly serious, and just a little seductive. "I wish I could kiss you hello."

Harm returned her look. "Maybe it's a good thing you can't."

She raised an eyebrow, considering. "See you at home."

1830

Friday evening

Home of former SECNAV Nelson

Alexandria, Virginia

A.J sat in an overstuffed leather chair in the office of his old boss, wondering why he had been asked to meet him this evening. He heard the door bell and then heard another familiar voice. Tom Boone was shown into the den as well, and A.J. stood to shake his hand. Nelson followed and closed the large wooden door behind him.

"I suppose you are wondering why I called you here today."

Tom and AJ turned toward Nelson and waited.

"There aren't many secrets in Washington, gentlemen, as you know. It has come to my attention that you are both looking into an incident that happened late last year in London."

Tom and AJ looked at each other. "What about it?" Tom spoke first.

"I know that with the shake ups at Langley and other difficulties at State, information has been difficult to get on this matter."

AJ folded his arms across his chest. "With all due respect, sir, how would you have any access to any intel, given that you were persona non grata on the Hill after the dirty nuke situation in the Persian Gulf?"

"Well, AJ, as you may be aware, Watts is no longer DCI. Kershaw is also no longer with the Company."

Tom listened to his friend and to his most recent boss before his second retirement. He knew that there was still a lot of animosity between and AJ and Nelson.

"Make your point, Nelson." He wouldn't get any 'sirs' from him. He would never have agreed to be a 'dog robber' for this man if 9-11 had not happened.

"I'm getting there, Tom." He turned back to AJ and asked, "Do you think that Webb was the only source I had when I allowed your JAG officers to pursue that missing uranium?"

"Go on." AJ was intrigued.

"I have a number of contacts overseas, some in London."

"MI-5?" Tom asked.

"I'm not at liberty to say."

AJ couldn't believe that Nelson would do this out of the goodness of his heart. "What's your interest in this, Nelson?"

"Let's just say I would like to 'right a wrong,' and to be perfectly honest, I want to prove a point."

"To whom?"

"I'll keep that to myself."

Tom and AJ looked at him suspiciously.

"If you're not interested, we won't discuss this further. We'll have a brandy and I'll tell you how…..great it is to be in the private sector again." Nelson turned to walk toward his bar to pour his guests a drink.

Tom had heard enough. One of his oldest friends had been killed by a terrorist's bomb. He wanted answers, and he had been unable to uncover any new information in weeks. The trail was cold and he thought that he would find nothing. He wanted to resolve this for Harm. And he didn't want to see him risk everything to pursue this. He wanted answers…..now.

"Let's have it. I'm in no mood to play games. You know I am not patient man."

Nelson returned with a drink for both of his guests. He then walked up to his desk and turned his computer screen on. He clicked the mouse and a picture came to the screen.

"This may help shed some light on what happened the day of the incident at Trafalgar Square."

It was a security video and appeared to be of a man walking into an automated teller machine cubicle. The time stamp in the corner of the screen read November 24 at 359 pm. A minute before the car bomb exploded in Trafalgar Square. He wore a cap pulled down over his eyes. As he leaned forward, the bill caught on the frame of the machine, revealing his face. Nelson paused the video.

"Take good look, gentlemen, before I continue and keep in mind, this ATM cubicle is located less than 50 yards from the site of the explosion."

He clicked the mouse again and the man pulled the cap back down over his eyes. He began his transaction and appeared to punch in a code. Just then the windows of the cubicle blew out. The man leaned into the cubicle until the dust had settled. He stepped back from the machine, taking no money. He turned to look out and around the broken frame of the cubicle. They had a view of the side of his face

Nelson paused the picture again. "Take another look" He gave them a moment and then clicked the mouse to continue. The man walked away from the cubicle and the screen went blank.

Nelson clicked the mouse again and an English passport picture came into view. "Gentlemen, meet Kevin Donlon." The young man appeared to be in his early twenties. Dark hair and eyes, with features that appeared to be Middle Eastern; the same man they had seen a few minutes ago on the computer screen.

Tom smiled without humor. "What do you want to bet that dear old dad wasn't a wild Irishman?"

Nelson clicked the mouse again and another picture of the same man appeared. This time the passport was Pakistani. "Aziz Nasiri, and his father is Iranian. He also has relatives in our military prison and in Britain as well."

AJ knew he had heard that name before. "Why does that name sound familiar?"

"It should – that name was associated with a media mess we had three years ago, with Stuart Dunston. Remember our embedded reporter with the assistant that was not so helpful?"

"The Holy Land Liberation Crusade." AJ remembered now, Ginny Baker had been convicted of espionage as a result of what Harm and Mac had uncovered. Stuart Dunston's arrogance had made him oblivious to what she was until it was almost too late. Nasiri was her cousin and her contact in Islamabad. "What was he doing in London?"

"We don't have all the information yet. They have someone in the banking system. The code from the automated teller set that bomb off. The bank has the code attached to the name Kevin Donlon. We assume it was to shift the blame to the IRA, though compared to 10 years ago things are a lot calmer for them now."

Tom spoke up. "Anything that slows the investigation buys them time."

Nelson turned back toward his computer and keyed in a code and clicked onto another video. The man in the ball cap was passing a woman on the street and bumped into her, causing her to drop her purse, spilling its contents onto the sidewalk. The man in the ball cap helped her pick everything up.

Nelson stopped the video and pointed to him reaching for what looked like a credit card on the ground. "Watch what he does with this." The man picked up the card and placed it in his own pocket. Nelson enlarged the picture. The card was a bank card. "This was taken from cameras they use to monitor traffic – it has a time stamp." It was dated November 24 at 1441 pm; a little more than an hour prior to the explosion. Mr. Nasiri was not working alone. The woman in question did not appear to be of Middle Eastern decent. She was not in anyone's computer base with a picture. This terrorist group had a way to blend in more seamlessly than anyone had expected.

'How did you get access to this information, Nelson?" AJ had no idea he had any contact in intelligence that he had not been made aware of.

"I still have friends in high places, AJ."

"And in low places." A voice spoke from behind them. Jack Keeter had walked quietly into the room.

"The Company got this information to you?" AJ couldn't believe it.

"I didn't say that." Nelson would not give any information about the source. That had been the deal.

"Webb has no involvement in this, does he?" AJ was sure he couldn't stomach another visit from him.

"He has nothing to do with this." Jack did not particularly like Webb either, but to him he seemed a pathetic figure. He had burned himself and all his bridges out in one fell swoop.

Nelson seemed to pick up on Jack's thoughts about Webb. "It really is a shame. Clayton Webb comes from a long line of people who served this country with honor and distinction. His parents left the company with class; Webb had to be dragged out kicking and screaming."

AJ raised his eyebrows. "It's a cutthroat business."

"It always has been," Tom added.

"How was this information accessed?" AJ thought that this would be impossible to find.

Jack shrugged his shoulders. "The way a lot of things are figured out sometimes…. purely by accident. Scotland Yard was investigating a bank card theft ring based in London; this was on one of the tapes being reviewed. Our contact got it to us. The picture is nowhere near complete, but I think it's safe to say we know who we are dealing with."

1935

Friday

Harm and Mac's Apartment

North of Union Station

Mac heard Harm's keys in the door and walked toward it to greet him. He looked even more tired than he had earlier today. Harm didn't say anything; he just looked at her and hung his cover on the peg by the door.

"Hey." Mac slipped into his arms, and he pulled her close and kissed her.

"Hello." She felt so good in his arms. He kissed her cheek.

She leaned back and looked at him. "I made dinner – are you hungry?"

Harm smiled at her apologetically. "I got something at work while I finished up my report."

"Coward," she teased and slipped out of his arms toward the kitchen.

Harm began to get out of his overcoat and uniform jacket. He walked into the kitchen, loosening his tie. "I could still eat if you're going to sit down to dinner." He did appreciate the effort.

"Oh, don't be silly, I was just teasing. This will keep, and I nibbled all the way through making it anyway. Why don't you get a shower and I'll get all of this put away."

"That sounds good." He walked toward their bedroom and turned back to look at her. She really wasn't angry. He could swear she looked better every day.

"Hey, what did the doctor say today, anyway?"

"Oh, he seems pretty happy with my progress, although you know how he is; he won't say anything until he gets my blood work back."

What she had just said was completely true; she had just left out one of the major concerns. She knew she should tell him about Captain Morrison's concern that she might be pregnant, but she just couldn't do it now. He was so tired and she didn't want to be the cause of another minute of worry for him. She wanted to make him as happy as he had made her. If she were being honest, she wanted to be happy too. She didn't want to think about the possibility of anything going wrong, not tonight.

"He's just being cautious, Mac." Harm appreciated his thoroughness. It gave him less cause to worry. He turned to walk further into their bedroom. His breath caught and he grimaced in pain.

"What is it?"

"It's nothing; I'm just a bit sore from trying to move around that fire room. It wasn't made for sailors over six feet tall."

He grinned sheepishly. If he played his cards right, he might get a nice long backrub out of this. He slowly turned back and walked toward the shower, rubbing his lower back and stepping carefully.

Mac's brow knitted with concern and she followed him into the room. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Harm pulled his shirt out of the waist of his pants carefully and sucked in his breath, exaggerating a bit, just for effect. 'Oh boy, this could get me a nice long backrub.' He could barely keep the smile from his face.

"I'll be fine."

"So you need me to help you get undressed?"

"No, Mac, I think I can handle this." He kept trying to mentally telegraph…'backrub… backrub.'

"Okay….why don't you lie down after your shower and I'll give you a nice long backrub?"

Harm had his back to Mac and he was grinning from ear to ear. He was a bit sore, but it really wasn't that bad – not that it would stop him from taking her up on her offer.

"Sure…I'll be out in a sec…" He answered her, keeping the smile out of his voice.

Mac turned and walked out of their bedroom. Harm thought he was so smart, but he forgot about the position of mirror. He really must be tired. She had seen the big wide grin on his face. She would play along; she didn't mind, anyway. She chuckled and thought, 'Poor man...he has to feel like he's winning some of the time.'

About a half an hour later Harm was settled into bed, lying on his stomach. Mac was turning out lights and locking the door. Harm was so tired and stretching out in his own bed felt so good. They didn't have beds his size at his quarters at Norfolk. Mac came in and turned out the bedroom light. Harm smiled when he felt the weight of her body on the mattress.

She pulled back the blanket and sat low on his six so that she could access both sides of his back and use her body weight to work out the knots that she knew were there.

"Is this okay?"

"Mmm Hmm…" He couldn't wait to feel her slowly undo the tension of an entire week.

"This lotion is a bit cold; I'll try and warm it with my hands before I put it on your back."

Mac squirted a generous amount of lotion on her palm and rubbed her hands together and then onto Harm's back with long strokes. She heard him groan in approval as she deepened the strokes, searching for any unusual tightness at his lower back. She found it.

"Uh… Mac…" The sound came from deep in his chest. She'd found the place that hurt most, but her hands felt so good there was no way he wanted her to stop.

"Just relax." She gently but firmly placed her thumb on the knot and slowly pressed down. "Breathe in, Harm." As he did she began to press more firmly. "Now, let it out slowly."

Harm did as he was told and he felt it slowly release.

"Better?"

"Yeah…you're not stopping, are you?" Surely she wasn't done yet.

"No, Harmon, I'm not finished….. Not by a long shot." She smiled mischievously.

Harm thought that sounded an awful lot like a threat, but that was just fine with him.

"Knock yourself out, Mackenzie." He thought, 'I can take anything you've got.'

Mac began to push down deep with her hands on each side of his back, she used her body weight to deepen and lengthen the stroke. She could feel the muscles in his back tighten then relax under her hands. She pushed up between his shoulder blades and used her thumbs to explore the smaller and tighter muscles there. She found another place that didn't loosen immediately so she instructed Harm as she had before to release the tension in the muscle.

"Ungh…Aw...that's nice." Harm was beginning to feel boneless. He had begun to relax to the point of being suspended between asleep and awake. His body felt heavy, as if he were sinking into the mattress. If he had known that his day would end this way, he would never have finished that report.

"Glad you like it." Ah yes... the man was putty in her hands. She giggled out loud; she couldn't help it.

Harm opened one eye. "Are you having a good time?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am."

She placed a hand on each of his shoulders and began to knead the hardened muscle at the top of his arm. She worked her way to the long muscle that connected his shoulder to his neck.

"Uh…yeah…me too." His voice was deep and slurred, she was undoing him and this felt so good.

She found another knot on the right side and gently but firmly began to isolate it and used the technique she had before to release it. Harm's breath was deepening and he had stopped talking. He started making low and almost incoherent groans of approval from deep in his chest.

"Turn over, Sailor."

Harm lifted his head and looked at her through half-closed eyes. "Okay."

She got up so he could turn and sat closely to his side and began to rub his temples on both sides, working her way down to the strong column of his neck.

"Oh, Mac….this feels so good." His eyes were half closed when he looked at her. "I needed this so much."

Mac leaned over and kissed his lips lightly. "I know."

His arms went around her and he deepened the kiss.

Mac felt herself being drawn into the kiss, her body was already responding to just touching him. She had to put a stop to this or she wouldn't be able to finish what she had started. She wanted this night to be all about him.

"All right, Sailor, I'm not finished yet." She kissed his forehead, her face directly over his.

He arched an eyebrow. "You're the boss."

"Yes, I am." She started at his right hand and massaged his palm with both of her hands, separating the bones, and working her way up his arm, kneading the thick muscles with both hands. She repeated this on the left hand and arm.

She returned to his shoulders and he drew in a breath and let it out slowly. She worked her way down to his chest, the muscles at his side tightening and relaxing under her touch. Harm raised his arms allowing them to come to rest above his head and sighed audibly. He closed his eyes and arched his back feeling his body continue to unwind.

Harm felt Mac's hands begin to work down his sides to his hip bones and back up to the hollow of his well-defined torso. She was teasing the hell out of him and he knew it. He would not beg and plead…although he was dying for her to bring her massage down just a little bit lower…. Mac continued to use her thumbs to smooth and knead. She scooted to the bottom of the bed, pulling the blankets back so that she could sit between his legs. She began to massage his right foot, working her way up to his ankle and calf. She used both hands to knead and caress the muscles of his upper thigh. She heard him breathe in sharply when she got to the very top. She repeated the same action on the left side. 'Oh… he is definitely glad to see me,' she smiled to herself. She used her hands to massage her way up both of his legs from his knee to the place that he was straining for her to touch.

Harm was aching with need but he loved the feeling of her hands on him so much that she could do this all night if she was so inclined. He lay there taking it all in, thinking to himself, 'It would be so nice if she…' Then he felt it, wet warm and just what he had been waiting for…. Harm's eyes snapped open and a grin spread slowly across his face.

Then she began to wind him up and take him to the edge and back….a number of times.

TBC


	18. Chapter 18

Will You Always Be There?

Chapter 53

Disclaimers: I don't own any of these JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything up to Four Percent Solution. Any spoiler may be loosely referred to.

1600

January 17

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm walked down the hallway toward Mac's office on the third floor. He could see her standing in front of her desk talking on the phone. He hoped she was ready to finish up for the day. He had been able to secure early. Mac walked around her desk, listening intently to whomever she was speaking with. Harm hoped that whoever it was wouldn't make her day longer today.

Mac turned to face her doorway and saw Harm coming toward her. She had a stunned expression on her face.

Harm felt his heart squeeze in his chest. 'Oh God, don't let it be bad news. She can't be getting sicker,' he thought.

Mac plopped down into her chair as though her legs had given way. She leaned forward over her desk and put her hand over her eyes, shielding them from Harm.

His steps quickened, and he walked into her office and closed the door behind him. He stood behind the chair, leaning forward and bracing his hands on the back of it. She was still listening to the caller.

"Yes….I'll be there Wednesday …can we make it late in the day? Yes…I'll bring my husband." She looked at Harm and he nodded, agreeing to the approximate time of day. Mac ended her call.

"Tell me," he said, bracing himself for the worst.

She drew a deep breath. "I'm pregnant, Harm."

Harm blinked and stared at her as if he didn't understand. "Pregnant?"

"Yes." Mac was still stunned. She couldn't believe it.

"Are they sure?" His response was automatic. He wasn't even sure what he was saying.

"They're sure."

Harm kept his hold on the chair. Captain Morrison's words of warning came to him as clearly as if he were in the room with them. 'A pregnancy could be attempted in as little as a year, but you should know this puts you at risk for reoccurrence.'

Mac knew what he was remembering. She remembered too, but she wanted this. It might have happened sooner than they planned, but she was going to take her chance. As stunned as she was by it all, she was certain of that.

"Thank God I waited until late today to call." This news was so stunning that she knew she wouldn't have been able to concentrate in court today.

"What about your other blood work?" The thought had just occurred to him.

"Its fine," Mac answered quickly. "Harm…. let's wait until we get home to talk about this."

She had managed to get through this illness without losing it at work. Feeling as though she wanted to laugh, she wanted to cry – and trying to anticipate Harm's reaction, all at once. Mac had also already begun to steel herself. No one would talk her out of having this child now.

Her tone had been sharp and Harm didn't understand until he saw the pleading look in her eyes. He understood that she was afraid she would get emotional here at work. Her professional bearing had always been so important to her. He understood how much that meant to her. He was grateful then, because it would help him keep it together too.

"Are you finished for the day, then?"

"Yeah, I was just getting ready to call you." She smiled weakly.

"I'll, uh…go close up my office and then I'll meet you downstairs…okay?" He tried to give her a reassuring look.

He stepped closer to Mac and brushed a soft kiss on her cheek.

"It's going to be okay, Mac." He began to back away toward the door. He needed to get her out of here…and quick.

Mac nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

2035

Monday evening

Harm and Mac's Apartment

North of Union Station

Harm and Mac sat on the sofa together. They had been quiet most of the evening, both lost in thought about what lay before them. Harm was seated in a corner of the sofa and sat with his legs on both sides of her. She was turned slightly, as he held her in his arms, almost protectively.

"Do they have any idea about how far along you are?"

"Not really. I suppose I'll need a sonogram to know for certain." She was suddenly so aware of her stomach. She placed her hand over it.

Harm's eyes followed her hand and his heart ached. He still felt the same as he had for some time. She looked at him, her eyes seeming to ask a question and he didn't know what to say. He wanted this child but he didn't want to lose Mac. Nothing was worth that to him. The thought of having to abort a child that came from their love pained him. They had both wanted this for so long. The other side of this argument was the sheer terror he felt when he thought of losing Mac. He remembered all too well when the possibility had been very real indeed. Since her recovery from her surgery they had been so happy, everything seemed possible.

"What are you thinking, Harm?"

Harm kissed her temple and the top of her head.

"I'm worrying, mostly, about what this means as far as your health is concerned." Harm traced her jaw line with his finger and turned her head to face him. "I can't lose you, Mac."

Mac saw the warring emotions playing across his face. She knew Harm wanted their children too, but she also knew he didn't want to risk anything where she was concerned.

"I'm not going anywhere." She hugged him close, tucking her head under his chin. "Do you think you'll be able to make it Wednesday? I have the appointment set up for 1630."

"Yeah, it should be fine. I don't have court that day. I'll talk to the general."

They were quiet for a time, and then Harm spoke up. "Mac, we're going to have to talk about this."

Mac raised her head to look at him. "I know, but I don't want to right now. I can't even think. I'm still so stunned. I would like to know what Captain Morrison says before we really get into this. He is going to coordinate with Dr Ahrens; hopefully he will be there too." She wanted to hide in the warm cocoon of his arms knowing his child was growing inside her. A feeling she thought she would never have, this was going to happen, she and Harm were going to have a baby.

Harm kept what he was feeling to himself, for now. Deep down he believed she was running from the issue as she had nearly always done this in the past in any personal matter. He would give her time – hell, he needed it himself – but this was definitely not going away.

They went to bed and they slipped into their now comfortable spooning position. Harm held her carefully, as he had done just before and just after her surgery.

"I'm not going to break, you know." He was being so sweet.

"I know" He had been careful not to touch her stomach.

"I'm the same woman you made love to nearly all of last weekend, Harm…..and you weren't too careful then…..were you?" she teased him.

She wanted to lighten the mood; she was so sick of fear and grief. It might have seemed out of place, but she just didn't want to lose the part of them that could still laugh in the face of anything. She turned in his arms and lay on her stomach. Harm was giving her a sad smile.

"Do you remember when you told me that we could handle anything, if we did it together?"

Harm nodded and swallowed hard. She had hope in her eyes, and love. He was going to have to bury his fears for now. She needed him and he would wait. The time to discuss this would come after they had their appointment Wednesday.

1000

Wednesday

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Commander Faith Coleman and Major Mike McBurney sat across from each other at the conference room table. It was pretty clear that this was going to go to trial. The commander's client had refused any type of deal.

"Your client is late." McBurney glanced up at her from the file he held in front of him.

Faith pushed her chair back and stood. "I'm aware of that, Major." She stepped away from her chair to walk toward the opposite end of the conference room table. She could usually defend a client with detached efficiency, but this one was already becoming difficult. Something about this man grated on her nerves like no client ever had. He was guilty and she knew it. She had defended clients who were guilty before, but the callousness and carelessness with which Chief Thompson conducted himself almost made her wish to lose. A feeling she had never had in her entire career.

"I had an interview this morning with Petty Officer White's father."

"You usually don't go for the emotional appeal, Major." She thought it might work, though; that was why her client would not be put on the stand. If he was able to put her off immediately she didn't even want to think about what he would do to the members.

"He asked to see me." It still pained him to think of the meeting.

"I see." She turned and looked at him, waiting for him to continue. He did not. The major was looking at his file but she did not think he was reading it. He looked up at her and looked away. "Major?"

"I never thought of myself as the type to go for the emotional appeal either. There are plenty of facts to convict your client, Commander. However, you should know that I will have the victim's father on the witness list. He deserves to be heard."

The interview had been one of the toughest he had ever had. Retired Master Chief White was a bear of a man. His son had followed his example and planned a career in the Navy. He had wanted to serve in his father's rate, but boiler technicians were being phased out. Though the master chief did not say it, he seemed to be bearing a great deal of guilt. He had not been emotional when he spoke but the pain in the room had been palpable. He'd told Major McBurney about the fact that he had served aboard the Coral Sea and that his son had been on a tiger cruise aboard her as a boy. His son had opted for the machinist mate rate, because it was the closest thing to his old rate.

Gunny knocked and then opened the conference room door, pulling the major from his thoughts.

"Sir, ma'am, Chief Thompson is here for your meeting." The chief stepped in behind him, and both men came to attention.

"At ease." Commander Coleman turned toward them.

"Sorry I'm late, ma'am. I couldn't find a parking place." The chief's excuse seemed half-hearted.

"You're dismissed, Gunny. Sit down, Chief." McBurney already disliked this man. He hadn't been in the same room with him for five minutes and he had already seen him lie, he was sure of it. After he sat down, McBurney looked at him. "It is my understanding that you want to take this to trial. It is my duty to inform you that the charges will be dereliction of duty and involuntary manslaughter."

"Involuntary manslaughter?" The master chief spoke loudly, disbelieving.

"Chief." The commander spoke up to quiet her client.

"What is this? You're my attorney. How can they charge me with that?"

"If you will be quiet, the charges will be explained to you." The commander calmly looked at him. No one looking at her would have known how much she disliked this man.

The major explained the charges and the commander asked the chief if he wished to go to trial.

"You better believe I do. I'm not going down alone. This whole system sucks and I'm not taking all the blame."

McBurney looked at the man. He hadn't once mentioned the young man who died. He showed no remorse and appeared to feel no responsibility for the incident at all.

"This damn drawdown, combining rates – how can I be qualified to stand a watch like that when there are only a couple ships in the whole damn Navy that are even powered with boilers?"

"That is enough, Chief. We will give our arguments in court." Coleman spoke firmly.

The chief looked at her, almost sneering. He was looking as though he were trying to decide whether he should continue or not. McBurney waited. Oh yeah, he was going to enjoy nailing this guy.

"We will continue this conversation in my office." Coleman looked at him sharply.

McBurney stood "See you in court, Commander." This case was his. He already knew it.

1545

Major McBurney's office

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Lieutenant Commander Coleman knocked on the frame of the open door.

"Enter." Major McBurney looked up and willed himself not to smile at her. Ever since their conversation right before the New Year, he had this uncontrollable urge to make her as uncomfortable as she had made him.

"Well, if it isn't Commander Faith Coleman, as I live and breathe."

She decided to ignore him and get down to business. If she engaged in any sort of a response this could go on all afternoon.

"I want to discuss Lieutenant Vukovic, Major. I understand that he will be assisting you with the case." A new JAG attorney, Lieutenant Greg Vukovic, had joined their team right after the New Year.

Major McBurney leaned forward across his desk. "That is correct, Commander." He couldn't help it; he had to smile at her. He knew he was making it difficult for her to say what ever she had come to tell him.

"I understand that he is a very aggressive investigator and litigator. I am also under the impression that he doesn't like to lose." She folded her arms and leaned on the door frame, her expression unreadable.

'What the hell was that supposed to mean?' His humor left him immediately.

"And you're telling me this because?..."

"Scuttlebutt is that…"

McBurney was incredulous. "Where would you hear scuttlebutt?"

He was still smarting from what he thought was her insinuation that he wasn't winning his cases. He sat back in his chair and glared at her.

Faith waited for him to finish .His reaction surprised her, but she quickly composed herself. She considered turning around and leaving; she had meant well, she had only meant to warn him. She looked down and then out the window of his office. She looked at him directly as she spoke.

"I merely came to warn you that the…word…is that he has a tendency to cut corners, to win at any cost. I know you have high standards as an attorney. I didn't think you would appreciate anyone who would compromise that." She turned and walked away.

Mike was on his feet and around his desk in a flash. He leaned out of his door. "Commander Coleman?"

She stopped and turned to look at him, her face blank and devoid of any emotion. "Yes?"

"Thank you"

Damn, he had really put his foot in his mouth with that one. If he hadn't been working with her these past months he wouldn't have seen that his cutting remark had hurt her. This was the first time she had made a remotely friendly gesture. He didn't think she had given him a second thought, much less considered what he believed as an attorney. She had never been anything but distant, engaged only on a professional level, with nothing personal in between. He felt like a jerk.

She nodded, her expression unchanging, and walked back to her office.

Mike walked back into his office. 'Nice one, McBurney,' he thought and closed his door behind him….a little too loudly.

1700

Wednesday

Captain Morrison's office

National Naval Medical Center

Bethesda, Maryland

Captain Morrison sat behind his desk. Harm and Mac sat in chairs in front of it. Dr. Ahrens stood leaning on a counter on the far side of the room.

"So what does this all mean?" Harm wanted to cut to the chase. They had been talking for about a half an hour. Dr. Ahrens appeared to show no concern about this turn of events. He seemed to feel that there was every possibility that Mac would have a normal pregnancy. Captain Morrison was, as he had always been, cautious and completely unreadable. It was infuriating sometimes. Neither man wanted to say anything with any certainty.

The captain spoke again. "This means that if your wife decides to continue with this pregnancy, in my opinion, she is at greater risk. She will be monitored more closely by this office. To put it plainly, we will hope for the best and prepare for the worst."

Harm turned toward Dr. Ahrens. "I believe that with the removal of the tumor and in light of her most recent blood work your wife should have a normal pregnancy…."

The doctors had been addressing Mac most of the time. Harm thought that if he tried to get them to clarify that the picture would be clearer to him, but it was not. It was as though they were being given a choice as to whom to believe. It would be great if the stakes weren't so high. He could just lose his wife….his life….that was all. He looked at Mac, trying to keep the fear out of his eyes. She reached for his hand – she had seen it.

"You two have some decisions to make." The captain started to rise, signaling the end of the appointment.

Mac looked at him. "The decision has been made, Captain."

The captain looked back her and at Harm, who obviously had not been expecting her to answer so quickly.

"Colonel?"

"When we discussed the possibility of my being pregnant on Friday, I said that there would be no termination." Mac was firm.

Harm went completely silent.

The air was suddenly thick with tension. The captain and Dr. Ahrens gave each other a knowing look.

"Very well, Colonel. I will follow up with Commander Fletcher after you have seen her. I will keep Dr. Ahrens apprised of any changes."

"I would like to continue to do our own testing with regard to your blood work, as we did when you were hospitalized." Dr. Ahrens looked from the captain to Mac.

The captain looked to Mac. "That's fine with me, sir."

She watched as Harm shook hands with the captain and noticed for the first time the look on his face. He was pleasant and professional, but a look she had not seen in months was evident to her, though he was concealing it well. He was angry….really angry.

They walked out of the building and into the parking lot in silence. Harm unlocked the door for them both and they got into the vehicle. He started the vehicle but the silence continued.

"Harm?"

He turned to look at her. "You knew about this Friday, and you didn't tell me?" He couldn't believe that she would keep something this important from him.

"Captain Morrison ordered the test as an afterthought. We were talking about how well I was doing and he asked if I had any concerns. I mentioned that I hadn't resumed my normal menstrual cycle. I didn't think there was a possibility that I was pregnant. I thought of the test as a precaution."

"Why didn't t you tell me, Mac?" His voice was beginning to get an edge to it.

His tone of voice was beginning to make her angry. She didn't like being called on the carpet for something she didn't do. He acted as though she were trying to deceive him when her goal had been not to worry him unnecessarily. She crossed her arms and looked at him pointedly. "I didn't want to worry you about something that might not even be true…."

"I'm your husband, Mac; I think I should be able to decide something like that myself."

"Harm I know this is a shock to you, it is to me too…."

Harm snorted. "Yeah, just a bit, and embarrassing as hell that I didn't even know what you had discussed with Captain Morrison. He could tell that I didn't know. I saw it on his face."

"I can't believe you're reacting this way. I didn't plan this, Harm. We did all the right things. We were careful. We used birth control and I got pregnant anyway. I'm having this baby – no one is going to talk me out of it, not you…not Captain Morrison…no one. This may be my only chance."

Harm's eyes blazed with anger. "It could also kill you, Mac." His voice was rising and bouncing off of the windows of the car.

"I love my life, Harm. I want to live a long time. I know this sounds like a contradiction, but I want to risk this. I have only known about this for two days, but it is almost as though I already know this baby. I want to see its face…."

Mac couldn't continue. This seemed so unreal. They had barely argued since they had gotten together last October.

Harm shook his head. "Who is running on emotion now? I can't believe you're risking something like this and you didn't even give me a chance to discuss this with you. You gave the captain your decision without a thought about my feelings on the matter."

"Do you want me to terminate this pregnancy, Harm?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"I didn't say that." He didn't know what he wanted.

He felt as though she had left him completely out of the decision. He noticed that she was trembling as she tucked a stray hair back from her face. He needed to get this "discussion" back under control. She was a lot more upset than he had realized. This was not over, but he couldn't stand to see the effect it was having on her now.

"Don't misunderstand me. I just wanted to be let in on this. You're my wife." He reached for her hand and she stiffened in her seat, closing her hand into a fist.

"Let's finish this at home." He put the vehicle into gear and drove out of the parking lot.

As they drove back toward the apartment, Mac tried to get her thoughts and feelings under control. She had not seen Harm this angry in a long time, not at her. She understood in a way; she had known for sometime how he felt about her having a baby. She knew he didn't want her to risk it, even next year. She'd thought that he would have a year to see how well she was doing. By that time she thought he would be as convinced as she was that she was going to be fine. After a few moments, she looked at him. He returned her look, and something in his eyes tugged at her heart. She knew that he loved her and this was all about his fear of losing her. He returned his attention to the road a few seconds later.

"I shouldn't have lost my temper like that." He reached for her hand, and she took his and placed her other atop them both.

"I should have told you sooner. I should have discussed this with you before answering Captain Morrison."

Tears ran down her face unheeded and she felt a relief she could not explain...then all of a sudden she began to cry hard, in deep wracking sobs.

"Mac…honey, I'm sorry." Harm felt so bad for making her feel this way.

She shook her head. Their argument was not what was making her cry, although his tenderness and his willingness to meet her halfway seemed to be the first brick out of the dam. When she spoke her admission of wrong in the argument, the unfairness of the situation struck her. The joy of being pregnant with the child of the man she loved and the fear of losing her life in the process. This made the dam burst and she couldn't hold back any more. She had been holding everything in since she found out Monday. She could no more stop this than stop breathing.

"It's not all your fault, Harm. I think I'm still overwhelmed by it all." She turned her head to look out the window of the vehicle. "Give me a few minutes to get myself under control."

Harm took her hand and raised it to his lips. "Take all the time you need."

He still felt so strongly that he didn't want her to risk her life. He knew it seemed selfish, but he loved her so much. He had waited so long to have a life with her.

The frustrating thing was that it was already out of his hands.

1120

Thursday

January 18

Matkabah al Ansir bookshop

Birmingham, England

Aziz Nasiri walked into the small bookshop and appeared to be browsing a row of shelves. They held CDs that were purported to have been the last will and testaments of the men who had struck a blow at the heart of the great Satan. How he wished he had been able to carry out his plan. November 24 had been the day he would fulfill his destiny, but it was not to be.

MI-5 had not been able to specifically expose his plan, but they had been sure that a tour group of American college students would not be in Trafalgar Square that day, as had been planned. There were tourists in the area at the time, but there had been only one person killed, an American woman. Still, his mentor Asa al Hundu had reassured him there would be other opportunities.

He walked further down the aisle in the bookshop. He loved being surrounded by the holy writings and interpretations of the Koran, books filled with truth and instruction in the war against those who corrupted the world with their belief in their false god and the son of Mary.

A man dressed in business attire sat at a table nearby. He was sipping espresso and reading a pamphlet written by the late Sheik Abdullah Azzan. He had been observing Nasiri since he walked into the bookshop, all the while appearing to be totally absorbed in the reading material before him. The man blended seamlessly into his surroundings. He stood and walked to the shelf holding the pamphlets, giving him a view of the aisle which Nasiri occupied. At the end of the hall a door opened. Nasiri looked toward the door and was greeted. He immediately walked to the door and it closed behind him.

The cautious observer lingered in the aisle for quite a time. He read other writings with what appeared to be great interest, and then walked casually from the bookshop. He walked toward the bus stop and took his cell phone from his pocket. He spoke in his native Farsi about the cousin he was able to see today and he also spoke of seeing another person. He thought this person was out of the country but he had contacted him and met with his cousin as well.

Blaisdell sat in his office in front of his computer screen. His caller's voice was audible from the speaker attached to his computer. His message was being translated as he spoke and printed onto his computer screen. Jack stood behind Blaisdell, reading the message, not yet understanding what he was reading.

"Cousin?" Jack wondered aloud.

"It is a way of speaking. When my caller speaks of his cousin, he is in fact telling me about Ginny Baker's cousin Aziz Nasiri. I'm still trying to figure out who this other person is." An artist who did some great preliminary sketches about three and a half years ago…. for his family portrait. Blaisdell considered the possibilities. The sketches had to be photographs, the word 'preliminary' seemed to stick in his mind. Realization dawned on him….wow. They knew he was still in Britain. MI-5 swore he wasn't. A man believed to be deeply involved in the preparation of the 9/11 attacks was right there under their noses.

"Look, I need to finish this up in private." Asa al Hundu was still in Britain.

"Come on, Blaisdell, I thought you wanted to help us with this."

Jack hated being out of the loop, but he also knew it was better than being involved up to your neck with these people. It could cost you your life.

"Look, Jack, I agreed to help because I don't want to see our mutual friend get involved in Company business. I have a duty not to involve you in other matters that don't concern you. You know the drill. I'm sticking my neck out as it is."

Jack did understand. They had been able to find out that Nasiri had been involved in the bombing but not who had sent him. He also knew that Blaisdell wanted to follow Nasiri to his source in hopes of catching a much bigger target. He believed he saw Harm as a friend but he also knew that he wasn't doing this out of the goodness of his heart. No Company man did that. Jack turned and walked toward the door.

"I'll be in touch Jack. Give me 48 hours." He looked at him over his glasses as he was reaching for his phone.

2230

Wednesday

Harm and Mac's Apartment

North of Union Station

Mac lay on her stomach, watching her husband sleep. He had not been asleep for very long. He seemed to be dreaming. The peaceful look he usually wore was not there tonight. His brow was slightly furrowed. Mac felt a pang of guilt. He was worrying about her, even in his sleep. When they had come home, they hadn't eaten any dinner. As soon as she'd closed the apartment door behind them, Harm had pulled her into his arms. She reached for the light switch on the wall but he had stopped her.

She started to speak but he had silenced her with his deep and soul-stirring kisses. He said only that he needed her. She loved him and he had loved her for hours until he had fallen asleep. As close as she felt to him now, she felt him holding himself back. Whether it was from her or from the baby, she could not tell. She had been unable to sleep, her mind still reeling with the events of the day. She still felt as strongly as she had before about the baby. She was sure he had not changed his feelings either.

'Oh God, don't let this come between us, and please give us this one chance to have our family,' she prayed. The prayer was simple but heartfelt. Mrs. Rabb had told her once that God wasn't interested in eloquence but in truth. Her prayer had been her truest and dearest wish.

Chapter 54

Disclaimers: I don't own any of these JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

0900

Thursday

January 20th

JAG headquarters

Fall Church, Virginia

Harm was walking toward the conference room doors immediately after staff call when the general stopped him.

"Commander Rabb."

"Yes, sir?" He turned to face him.

"Wait a moment. The Gunny will be joining us in a few minutes. We have a case to discuss."

Gunny Galindez walked into the conference room and came to attention.

"At ease." The general sat down at the head of the conference table. "Sit down, gentlemen."

Gunny and Harm sat on each side of their commanding officer.

"I have an assignment for both of you. Gunny, do you have your sea bag packed?"

"Yes sir" Gunny did not smile but he began to get a gleam in his eye.

"I suppose you will need time to go home and pack won't you, Rabb?"

"No sir, I keep a sea bag packed and in my vehicle," Harm answered quickly.

"That's right, you are married to a Marine, aren't you?" The general looked at him pointedly, waiting for his reaction. His expression was, once again, hard to read.

Harm looked at him and drew a breath, not sure whether he should smile or not. "Yes sir, but I..."

"I was joking, Commander," The general shook his head slightly. The commander definitely needed to lighten up.

Gunny watched with hidden amusement. It was always fun to watch General Creswell dangle the commander out on that limb.

"You and the Gunny will be leaving Andrews this afternoon at 1400. You will be TAD to the 42nd MEU 5th Marines. They need our assistance helping the Iraqi military set up their own UCMJ. Some of the Iraqis who turned during the battle for Fallujah are being held and the JAGs in country need our help in educating the Iraqis in proper military jurisprudence. As you are aware, Commander, we and the new Iraqi military are under a great deal of scrutiny by every press in the world. We have to help assure the world that the military we help to train treats its personnel justly, even its deserters."

"Yes, sir."

"Any questions?" The general looked from Harm to Gunny.

"Any indication about how long we will be needed, General?" Harm had already begun to think about how he and Mac would handle this.

"I would expect to be away at least a month, perhaps two. It will depend on how the elections go next week. The JAGs on the ground are perfectly capable of running this once we get the initial framework set up. I wanted someone from this office as a close advisor/observer so that I am more able to assess what is working and what is not."

Harm thought this could not have come at a worse time. He and Mac hadn't really had a chance to talk since yesterday. He was looking forward to their visit to Belleville next week. He thought it would be a good time for them to step back from all this and talk. The farm had become a place where they could do that. He gave no outward indication of this, however. General Creswell always seemed to Harm to be waiting for him to act or react the wrong way.

"Yes, sir."

"Gunny, I want you to assist the commander in his observation and training of the Iraqis.

Besides, the commander will need a good Marine to watch his back." The general smiled wryly.

Gunny lit up like a Christmas tree. He hadn't thought he would be back in the thick of it this soon.

"Are you ready for that, Marine?"

"Yes sir." Gunny had been sure that his knee injury and surgery was not apparent to anyone. No one looking at him would ever have known he had his knee replaced last year.

'If there are no other questions, you will pick up your travel itinerary form Petty Officer Coates. Commander, I will expect a preliminary report within 48 hours of your arrival."

"Yes, sir."

"You are dismissed."

Gunny and Harm walked out of the conference room and toward Jennifer's desk. Harm's mind was reeling. He was trying to figure out how he was going to get a chance to see Mac before he had to leave. He looked slightly dazed when he heard Jen speaking to him.

"Sir?" Jen smiled at him knowingly. "I have taken the liberty of getting a note to Colonel Rabb regarding your scheduled departure. She will meet you at 1130 in your office. Your schedule is clear after 1100, sir."

Harm gave her a grateful look. "Still saving my life, aren't you, Coates?"

"Hey, it's what I do." She shrugged. She gave Gunny his itinerary as Harm turned to walk toward his desk. "Nothing to arrange for you, Gunny?"

"Nope, I'm a free man, so… how about lunch before I get out of here?" He looked at her with a sly grin.

Coates was surprised, but pleasantly so, and accepted his invitation. Harm looked quickly over his shoulder when he heard Gunny's invitation. He kept walking and looked again toward his office, raising his brows in surprise.

1115

Thursday

Harm's Office

Falls Church, Virginia

Mac stepped up to the open door and knocked on its frame. "Hey, Sailor."

Harm looked up from his computer screen. "Hey, come in and close the hatch."

He stood and walked toward her, reaching behind her to close the blinds. He looked deeply into her eyes, just inches from her face. He was going to miss her so much.

"You're early," he breathed gently into her ear and kissed her cheek.

She looked up at him. She wanted to throw her arms around his neck and kiss him senseless. She knew this deployment would not be over in a couple of weeks.

"I wanted to get every minute." They stood facing each other just inches apart. "So where do you want to go?"

He reached to tuck a strand of hair back from her face. "Home." He looked almost wistful as he said it.

"I know."

"This couldn't have come at a worse time. We really didn't talk about yesterday at all." His expression changed to one of worry.

"I know but I think I do understand how you feel and why." She slipped her hand into his and squeezed it.

"General Creswell says it may be as long as two months." He reached up and touched her cheek. "Promise me something, Mac, please." He gazed intensely into her eyes. "If there are any changes in your condition or if you become compromised medically in any way, please talk to me – don't leave me out of any decision about this…pregnancy. Please don't choose the life of the baby over your own."

He looked down, afraid she would not understand. He knew it sounded callous and cold, but he had to make her understand how important this was to him. He looked again into her eyes and was relieved to see the understanding and compassion there.

"Harm, I'm going to be smart about this. I'll do everything the doctors tell me to do. I promise I'll never make another decision with out discussing it with you first. I am so sorry about yesterday; I honestly didn't think it through. I was still in shock about being pregnant in the first place."

She held his hand to her face and then turned her head and kissed his palm. "Forgive me?"

Harm nodded the affirmative. He couldn't have spoken just then, the lump in his throat made it impossible. Even though he knew he shouldn't, he gathered her into his arms. Protocol forbade them to embrace when they were both in uniform but the moment was too special to pass. He buried his face in her neck and drank in her scent.

"Mac…"

She did not resist him. The door was closed and so were the blinds. She would risk this for him. There were times when she loved the part of him that had no words. In the past it would infuriate her; she wanted to shake him at times. Today his touch and the look in his eyes spoke everything she needed to know. She ran her fingers through his hair at the nape of his neck. He drew back and kissed her deeply. His kisses never failed to weaken her knees and spin her off into oblivion. After a long moment she did pull herself back from him.

"Hey, flyboy, we better go to lunch, or kissing you while I'm in uniform will be the least of my worries."

They both laughed, breaking the tension and lightening both of their moods considerably.

They both took a moment to compose themselves. Harm stepped around his desk to turn off his computer. He got his cover and Mac followed him out of his office. They seemed to be floating along in a bubble. They were the only two people in the world at that moment. Their love seemed to be a tangible thing, something anyone in the room could feel when they were in it together. They were lucky that General Creswell was out of the building but their state of happiness was not lost on one particular observer in the bullpen.

"If someone had told me last January that those two would be married, I'd have told them they were crazy…" Petty Officer Coates stood leaning against a desk in the bullpen, speaking to anyone who was listening. She looked at the person to whom she was speaking. "Ma'am, excuse me, Ma'am."

Lieutenant Commander Faith Coleman looked at her sharply. "Carry on, Petty Officer."

She and Jennifer had both felt that small pang of envy and longing when they saw what their superior officers apparently felt for each other. Jennifer quickly made her way back to her office, and as she reached her desk, Gunny appeared in her doorway.

"Are you ready, Jen?" he said in a hushed voice.

Jen was still a little rattled from speaking out of turn to Commander Coleman. She startled at the sound of his voice.

Gunny waited; there had to be a story here. Jen wasn't rattled this easily. "What did you do, Coates?" He walked a bit further into her office, watching her with an amused grin on his face.

"Nothing." She grabbed her cover and coat and he followed her out to the elevators.

Commander Coleman had returned to her office, but she could see Petty Officer Coates and the Gunny leaving. 'What's this?' she thought. She turned her chair toward her window. Every one seemed to be pairing off today. This was ridiculous; she had never given this any thought before at all. Lately it had begun to irritate her for some unknown reason. She was lonely but she knew she didn't want anyone close and she didn't even think she knew how to socialize anymore. She wondered when this had begun to bother her.

She turned toward her computer and clicked the mouse on the file containing her notes for court on Monday. Her eyes came to rest on the name of the prosecutor in the case: Major Michael McBurney. She remembered then when it was. It was when the major and his sister had brought her the Christmas cookies on Christmas day. It had been kind of him, even though she knew she had made him uncomfortable. His sister Kim clearly adored him The sound of laughter from the car waiting downstairs, packed with his mother and sisters… Though she had never spoken with them, she knew from the way they laughingly teased him that Michael was much loved by his family.

She shook her head slightly to clear it. She needed to get her mind on the case at hand.

2235 Eastern time

Thursday evening

Somewhere over the North Atlantic

Harm was leaning back in his seat, resting his eyes for a moment. He had been doing some case review that the general had sent along with him. Military justice in an 'eye for an eye' land. Culturally the task seemed insurmountable. He missed Mac's strength in this area of the world, her language skills and her sense of what the mores of the society were. He missed her already in other ways too.

They had hashed everything out over lunch today. He didn't like the idea of her being alone in the apartment. Mac stood her ground on that one. She would be fine, he was told not to worry….. Fat chance. She would still be going to Belleville next weekend with Mattie, weather permitting. He was glad she was going; she seemed to gain strength from her time there and her friendship with his grandmother. Mattie was a shot in the arm for anyone. She seemed to have the same talent his grandmother had in drawing people out and making them laugh at themselves.

"Commander?" Gunny noticed then that Harm had his head back and eyes closed. "Oh…Sorry."

Harm raised his head and looked across the aisle at Gunny. "It's okay – I wasn't sleeping, Gunny. It may not be a bad idea, though."

"Nah, I don't think I can right now."

"Are you really that glad to be going back?" There was no mistaking Gunny's feelings on the matter.

"It's not about being glad to be in country or at war. It is more like being were I belong."

Harm nodded his understanding.

"I'm a Marine, sir; I have been most of my adult life. I know how to do this, as unpleasant as it is. I think because I'm an American Marine I can do it better than anyone else."

Harm raised his brows, smiling just a bit. "Confidence is important, Gunny, but I wouldn't share that sentiment with anyone once we land."

"Understood, sir." Gunny turned his head and looked out of the window of the plane.

"So…uh...how is Coates settling in at her new place?" He had been wondering about those two for some time, but the opportunity learn anything about it hadn't presented itself.

Gunny looked at him quickly, apparently surprised at the question. "Oh...uh, she's doing okay with it. She is sharing an apartment with an old shipmate from the Gainesville."

"The Gainesville? I didn't know she maintained any friendships with anyone from that duty station. I didn't think that was a very good experience for her." Harm was slightly worried, his brow knitted slightly.

It still made Gunny a bit uncomfortable that the commander knew Jen so well. He and Jen were still only friends, but he wanted to be the one who knew her best. "She made a few 'good' friends, sir, some of which were hoping she would turn her life around." Gunny smiled tightly.

"And she has." Harm was proud of Jen. She wasn't quite a daughter to him, but he felt a familial connection to her. It wasn't sisterly either...he didn't quite know what to call it.

Gunny narrowed his eyes slightly. "Yes sir, she has," he said, his smile still in place.

Harm had begun to get the feeling that Gunny didn't like the familiarity between the two of them. He hadn't realized he was so territorial about her.

"So...are you seeing Jennifer now, Gunny?" Harm wasn't going to back off. He and Coates may have been friends but they were not inappropriately so. He still felt a responsibility for her.

"We're good friends, sir." He wasn't going to say more. There wasn't much to tell. It was more than friendship, but he wouldn't tell people they were dating either. Why was the commander asking, anyway?

"Look Gunny, I'm not trying to pry. I don't want details. I was just wondering. Jen is a great person. She has been a good friend to me. I care about what happens to her."

"I do, too." He looked at Harm directly.

Harm got the answer he wanted and he had the feeling that this was where the conversation should stop.

"We've got our work cut out for us; this is going to be no easy task. Get some sleep if you can."

He was beginning to get that sense of walking an international political tightrope again. Harm smiled without humor and thought, 'Nothing like doing a highly sensitive job under a magnifying glass.' Harm returned his attention to his case file. They would be landing in Germany soon.

1430

Monday

January 24

JAG headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Major Mike McBurney stood in front of the bench and walked toward the members as he spoke.

"The government will prove that on the night of January 9th, aboard the USS Coral Sea, Chief Kevin Thompson was derelict in his duty, resulting in the death of Petty Officer Third Class Thomas White…."

Mac watched Major McBurney finish up his opening statement. He definitely gave the impression that he thought he had this case won already. From where Mac sat she could assess the attorney's skills much better than when she was trying a case against them. 'Don't get too confident, Major,' she thought.

Mac observed Commander Coleman as she sat expressionless as the opposing attorney spoke. She never had shown any emotion in the courtroom at all, at least none that Mac had been able to see. It was a point that rattled the major at times, which she had also seen. They were both good attorneys, though the ways they approached their cases were completely opposite.

Faith Coleman sat listening to the major's opening statement. She was beginning to read him well. He really thought he had this case won. Had she been that apparent in her feelings about him? She truly disliked her client, but she thought she had been able to hide it well. The chief sat in the chair next to her, uncomfortably shifting in his seat. She turned and looked at him sharply, and the chief stilled himself almost immediately. She held his gaze for a moment. The arrogant sneer was nowhere in sight today. She returned her attention toward the major and saw that the members had noticed this exchange. 'Wonderful,' she thought sarcastically.

Mac had continued to listen and quietly observed the new attorney sitting second chair for the major. Lieutenant Greg Vulkovic sat listening to the opening statements. Mac had heard the scuttlebutt about this new addition to JAG. She did not want to prejudge the man. It could be a matter of professional jealousy. She had seen enough of that in her career not to want to be a part of it.

Major McBurney walked back to his chair, passing Commander Coleman as she waited to begin her opening statements. He looked at her with a smug smile he was trying very hard to conceal. She read him immediately. 'Not so fast, Michael,' she thought to herself. She had begun calling him by his given name when she thought of him. She wasn't sure why. She knew he wanted to be her friend, she also knew she wasn't going to be able to do that just now…if ever. She began.

"The death of this young sailor was a terrible tragedy…the result of a series of events and miscommunications culminating into the accident which took his life….."

When the commander finished her opening statements they were adjourned for the day to resume at 0900 in the morning. Mac placed the gavel down on the bench and looked out into the courtroom as she turned to step down. Lieutenant Vulkovic watched as she descended the steps. Mac looked at him and he smiled and – what was that? He winked!

Mac continued to look at him, sure she had been wrong. He returned her look and a smile spread slowly across his face.

"Lieutenant Vulkovic, Major McBurney, May I see you in my chambers for a moment?"

They followed her into her chambers and came to attention. "Ma'am."

"At ease." She did not sit down but walked around the two officers. "Lieutenant, do you wear contacts?"

"No, ma'am." The lieutenant was trying to keep his expression neutral. He had gone too far, he knew now.

She stopped and stood in front of him. "Are you having any problems with your eyes at all?"

"No, ma'am."

"That's good to hear. I would suggest, however, should you have any more trouble with that 'twitch' in your eye, that you see a doctor. It may be misinterpreted by your fellow staff members. Am I being understood, Lieutenant?"

"Yes ma'am." The lieutenant swallowed hard.

"Major McBurney," Mac turned her attention toward him. "Since you are lead counsel, you may want to discuss this sudden problem the lieutenant seems to be having with his eyes. I wouldn't like to see it affect his performance in court."

"Yes, ma'am."

"You are dismissed."

Both officers came to attention. "Ma'am."

They left the room swiftly, closing the door behind them. Major McBurney continued and the lieutenant followed him into the bullpen. "My office, Lieutenant, now." McBurney blew past Commander Coleman, who was carrying a cup of coffee which she spilled on her uniform. Heedless, McBurney continued toward his office

McBurney shut the door behind him. "Snap to, Lieutenant."

The lieutenant did as he was told.

"What the hell were you doing out there?"

"Nothing, sir."

"Nothing?" McBurney was incredulous. "We get called into chambers by Colonel Rabb, who very diplomatically tells you that she understood that you winked at her after court adjourned today. Are you really that stupid?"

"No, sir."

"Look." He stood face to face with him. "I have argued quite a few cases before Colonel Rabb. There is no way she would have called us into her chambers if she had not believed your behavior was inappropriate."

"Sir, I…"

"Save it, Lieutenant. We have a case to argue, but understand this. If I see any similar behaviors from you in court or at JAG; I'll have you up on conduct unbecoming charges so fast it will make your head spin. You're lucky that she didn't have you hauled into General Creswell's office."

"Yes, sir."

"Dismissed."

The lieutenant left his office and the bullpen and headed down the hall to his office as quickly as he could.

The major started to close the door and noticed Commander Coleman brushing off her uniform.

"What happened to you?"

She looked at him blankly and then gave him a tight smile. She walked toward him. "I was unfortunate enough to be in the path of a Marine on a mission."

"Did I cause this?"

She looked at him, answering his question. She then walked into his office.

"I'm sorry." He gave her an apologetic look. "Let me at least get it dry cleaned for you." He leaned against the front of his desk.

"That won't be necessary, Major – it was an accident. Accidents happen." She stood just inside the doorway.

"Really, Commander, I'd feel better if you'd let me…Hey, you're not trying to argue your case again are you?"

She smiled genuinely. "I would never do that, Major."

"I know what I can do. Let me buy you dinner after we wrap up this case."

Faith was quiet and unreadable, but he found he was getting used to it.

"Just a friendly dinner, Commander….tell you what. Loser pays."

Faith was still considering but McBurney knew that she would. He was knocking down the wall she had built around herself brick by brick. It seemed to him she wanted at least friendship from him, and for reasons he would never be able to explain he wanted that too. She seemed to be a good person; she was a hell of an attorney…why not?

"Alright, it's a deal." She turned and walked out of his office.

He followed her, unable to resist a parting shot. McBurney was grinning at her from ear to ear. He had made her smile again…outside the courtroom no less. "It's been a while since a woman bought me dinner."

Faith turned quickly, arching a brow, and he retreated to his office before she changed her mind.

TBC


	19. Chapter 19

Will You Always Be There?

Chapter 55

Disclaimers: I don't own any of these JAG characters. They belong to Belasarius Productions. I don't own any product of label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything up to and including 4 Solution and any spoilers posted on the JAG spoiler boards.

A/N: Definitions: IDLH: Imminent Danger to Life and Health---- EOW: Engineering Officer of the Watch---IG: Inspector General

A/N: We will be fleshing out the secondary characters in these chapters but Harm and Mac are still the focus of this story. Thanks to all of you who are reading and reviewing.

1000

Tuesday

January 25

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Commander Coleman sat with her client as Major McBurney continued to argue his case against him.

Major McBurney walked toward the witness stand. "Lieutenant Perry, you have been engineering officer aboard the Coral Sea for two years?"

The lieutenant sat forward a bit in his seat and answered, "Yes, sir."

"Was Chief Thompson qualified to stand engineering officer of the watch?"

"Yes sir."

"Do you know if this was his first EOW qualification?"

"No, sir, it wasn't."

Major McBurney returned to his seat beside his second chair, Lieutenant Vukovic.

He thought he had reasonably knocked plenty of holes in her theory that the chief was not qualified properly to stand his watch.

Commander Coleman stood and approached the witness. "Lieutenant Perry, the chief qualified pretty quickly, didn't he?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Is that unusual?"

"Not really, ma'am. He has qualified on a number of ships. He has had a long career in the Navy."

"Just answer the question, Lieutenant."

"No, ma'am."

"Chief Thompson had not qualified on a ship like this one; is that not true?"

"'Objection, Your Honor – counsel is leading the witness." Mc Burney couldn't believe she was doing this. She was sharper than that.

"Sustained." Mac looked at Coleman directly and she returned her look.

"Very well, I'll rephrase. Had Chief Thompson ever qualified on this type of ship?"

"Not exactly."

"Answer yes or no, Lieutenant."

"No, ma'am, but he had qualified on a number of ships that were steam driven."

Coleman looked at Mac. "Your Honor, please instruct the witness to confine his answers to the questions asked."

McBurney looked at the commander. She had her arms behind her with her hands clasped. He noticed she tapped her thumb with her forefinger quickly. The move was not obvious. If she had not been standing directly in front of him he wouldn't have seen it.

It was difficult to keep the smug smile from his face. She was losing and she knew it. If he hadn't disliked the chief so much he might have felt bad about it. As it was, though…

Mac directed the lieutenant as Coleman had requested.

"Lieutenant Perry, how many fossil fueled, steam driven ships are in the fleet now?"

"Two, ma'am."

She looked at Mac. "No further questions, Your Honor."

"Re-direct your honor?'

Mac nodded the affirmative; her hands folded in front of her.

"Lieutenant Perry, you stated earlier that the chief has had a long career in the Navy. How long would that be?"

"16 years, sir."

"Are you aware of how many ships he served aboard?"

"Four sir, including the Coral Sea."

"How many of those ships were steam driven?"

"Two."

Major McBurney walked back toward his desk. Lieutenant Vukovic handed him what looked like a thick record book. He walked toward the bench. "I would like to enter this as the prosecution's exhibit A, Your Honor."

Mac looked at Commander Coleman. "Approach." She waited until both officers were within earshot to continue. "Were you aware of this, Commander?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"I'll allow it." Mac motioned for the attorneys to step back. Major McBurney took the book with him to the witness stand. He opened it and laid it so that the witness could read it. "Do you recognize this book, Lieutenant?"

"Yes sir, it's a personal qualification book for engineering officer of the watch."

Mc Burney pointed to a signature on what appeared to be a sign off sheet. "Is that your signature?"

"Yes, sir."

"How many other signatures are on this sign off sheet?'

"Three."

McBurney walked toward the members. 'The captain, the main propulsion assistant, the Engine room supervisor and your own signature."

"Your Honor, is counsel asking a question?" Commander Coleman knew where he was going.

"Wrap it up, Major," Mac instructed.

McBurney turned back toward the witness and the bench. "Yes, Your Honor. Lieutenant, was Chief Thompson qualified to stand EOW on the night of January 9th 2005?"

"Yes, sir."

"No more questions for this witness." McBurney couldn't resist the smile he gave Coleman as he passed her to sit down. The chief had begun to sweat and only more so when he heard Petty Officer Tim Jackson being called to the stand. He was the petty officer he had ordered to remove the repair tags from boiler three. This day was just getting worse and worse for the chief.

1230

Tuesday

January 25

Chegwidden residence

Meredith Point Creek, Maryland

Marcella Chegwidden greeted her husband's guest as he entered the foyer. "Hello…Jack, is it not?" Marcella Chegwidden offered her hand. She had such an elegant air that Jack felt as though he should bow and kiss her hand.

"Yes, ma'am. Your husband is expecting me."

"He is in his study. Come with me." She was dressed in black from head to toe. Her clothing was loose and flowing. Her beautiful black hair was pulled back in a chignon, only adding to her elegance and accentuating her beautiful and dark features.

She opened the door and AJ looked up at her. "Hello." He had only seen her so far. "I thought you were getting ready to meet your friends for lunch." His look was warm and welcoming.

"I brought your guest." She stepped aside and his expression changed from one of affection to his usual tough exterior.

Jack stepped into the room after witnessing the exchange unobserved. He thought, 'Ain't love grand?' He would have to try it sometime, when he got around to it.

Marcella smiled warmly at her husband and he returned it without a word. She closed the door behind Jack.

AJ stood and walked toward Jack. "So, what do you know?"

"Well, I'm fine, AJ, and how are you?" Jack loved to mess with AJ. He liked and respected him but he was not intimidated by him at all.

"Spill it, Jack." AJ's brows were knitted together.

"Alright, I spoke with Blaisdell. He basically confirmed what I thought he would. They have the man they believe is responsible for the bombing at Trafalgar, but they aren't picking him up yet. There was something else going on. Something he still won't discuss – and to tell you the truth, I'm not sure I want to know. They want to use him to get a much more important target. From what I could gather from listening to the exchange between him and his contact in London, this guy has some connections to someone wanted by the US and Britain."

"Have you discussed any of this with Rabb?" AJ hadn't heard anything and was hoping no news was good news. So far Rabb had left this to the professionals. Between the wedding, honeymoon and new boss, Rabb appeared to have his hands full.

"No, I haven't had the chance. He did call me before he left the country."

"Please tell me that it's JAG business." Harm had a way of getting in the middle of a mess before you even knew what was happening. AJ knew from experience.

"Yeah, he and the Gunny are in Baghdad. Something about helping the Iraqis set up their own UCMJ."

"An advisor/ observer role. The general must have confidence in him if he's sending him on that mission. I hope the general knows that Rabb is capable of getting sidetracked during a mission."

"I don't think he and the general are close." Jack chuckled to himself. "The general seems to be keeping him off balance most of the time. I don't think I've ever heard Harm sound so unsure of a superior officer before."

"That's good. Maybe Rabb can keep his nose clean."

"I think he will. He's got too much to lose now."

"You're probably right. I don't think Mac will put up with 'the Adventures of Harmon Rabb'anymore."

"It's not only that." Jack said with a knowing smile.

"What, then – he's not already in trouble with his CO, is he?"

"No, this is kind of personal. I guess since you gave Mac away, I can tell you."

"What is it?" AJ was thinking the worst.

"Mac is pregnant."

AJ knew about how sick Mac had been and about their need to wait a year. He and Harm had discussed it. "How is she?"

"Great, but you know Harm. His 'protect Mac' mode is in overdrive. To tell the truth, he didn't seem very happy about it at all. He sounded like he couldn't believe it. They had just found out when he was ordered to Baghdad."

AJ nodded. It was time that he paid Mac a visit. "Any idea about how long he'll be away?"

"He said about a month, maybe two. He called me because he wanted me to look in on her. She wants to stay where she is. It's a tough neighborhood, as you know."

"She'll be fine, Jack, she's a tough Marine." He smiled remembering what he knew of Mac..

Jack looked at AJ. "You're going to check on her too, aren't you?"

AJ looked back and promptly changed the subject. "Drink, Jack?'

"Sure." Jack gave him a wry smile, accepting the offer.

"Have you spoken to Tom Boone about this?"

"Not yet."

"Maybe I'll pay him a visit. He may have something to contribute. What about Nelson?"

"Yeah, I saw him yesterday."

"Any idea about what his goals are, as far as his involvement in this matter?"

"Not really. I know he is still feeling pretty bitter about the way he lost his job to Sheffield. I have the feeling he thinks Sheffield was knee deep in the reasons the hearing took place."

AJ raised his brows as he poured Jack's drink. "He certainly had a lot to gain."

"It's something else too, though. Something so deep in the Company that I don't think either of us will ever know. And once again, I don't want to know. I just want to help Harm get closure on this and leave it behind me."

"Leave it behind you? You're not flying for the Company, Jack?"

"I never said I was." Jack turned away from AJ.

"You said you had friends in low places…Blaisdell has taken you into his confidence….I just assumed." AJ handed him his drink.

Jack turned back to look at him. "I have lots of friends, AJ. So do you." He knocked back his drink in one swallow.

"Keeter, you're gonna kill yourself with that stuff someday."

1245

JAG Headquarters

Commander Coleman's office

Falls Church, Virginia

Faith Coleman sat at her desk. She had finished lunch and was preparing to return to court. It was time for her defense of her client. She had a good witness list. She felt confident that she could beat the involuntary manslaughter charge, though she wasn't sure about the dereliction charge. She would give it her best, but the major had made a great case.

The testimony of the victim's father had been the last nail in the coffin. Her client had sat next to her, showing no remorse or emotion. She understood keeping emotions in check, but the victim's father had nearly moved her to tears. She was riveted by the pain he was in and the obvious love he had for his son. It was a situation in which you wanted to turn away because it was so painful but could not because it was so profound. It reminded her of her task to take a WWII veteran who had confessed to a murder into custody recently. He had broken down while being questioned. He had broken her heart. Thank God the matter was resolved, with the help of Special Agent Gibbs. He was a good man, even if he acted like a bastard sometimes.

When McBurney turned away from his witness to return to his seat, Coleman knew he had seen the tears in her eyes. She had willed them not to fall and they obeyed due to years of discipline.

Commander Thomas Wright, XO of the Coral Sea, sat in the witness chair as Commander Coleman approached. "Commander Wright, could you explain to the court the requirements for setting IDLH conditions?"

"Yes, ma'am. This requires posting two attendants at the entrance of a workspace and also a mutual response team in close proximity."

"Where these conditions met on the night of January 9th?"

"No, ma'am."

"Who is usually responsible for making sure those measures are in place?"

"The damage control assistant, ma'am."

Commander Coleman returned to her table. "No more questions."

Mac looked at McBurney. "No questions at this time, Your Honor."

1330 (eastern)

2230(Baghdad time)

The Green zone

January 25th

Harm was stretched out on his bed in his quarters. It had been a long couple of days. He had miles to go before he was finished. He had only had time for a quick e mail to Mac yesterday. They had been married one month ago yesterday. He would have liked to have heard her voice. It was not as easy as it had been before. His access to a phone had been difficult the past few days. Hell, having the time to call when it wasn't the middle of the night for her had been impossible.

Harm was startled out of his thoughts by a knock at his door. "Sir, I think you need to see this." Gunny stood in his doorway.

"Give me a minute, Gunny." Harm dressed quickly and followed Gunny down the hall.

They had set up a makeshift office with a room for interviews across the hall. Gunny opened the door to the interview room. Harm was startled to find a man in an Iraqi military uniform that appeared to have been beaten severely.

"What the hell?" Harm looked at Gunny, questioning.

"I thought you should see this, sir. This is Private Salem. He was disrespectful to his superior."

"His superiors did this?" Harm was incredulous.

"Well sir, not exactly. It appears the officer in question has his own security guards, who carried this out for him." Gunny smirked and folded his arms across his chest.

"Did he tell you who ordered this?"

"Not yet." Gunny turned to the soldier and asked him in his broken Farsi.

The soldier appeared to be afraid and only shook his head.

Gunny tried to again to get him to answer the question and the soldier began to get agitated.

"Just let him go, Gunny. We have his name. We can follow up on this later."

Gunny did as he was instructed and the soldier left the room.

Harm leaned against the table and shook his head. "I knew this was going to be difficult culturally, but I was thinking more in terms of case law, since there is none to speak of. We are building from the ground up."

Gunny spoke up. "Respectfully, sir, I think the problem is that culturally, punishmentup to this point has beenphysical. The challenge will be getting soldiers to respect commanders who don't have the power to harm them physically or hurt their families."

"Yeah, it was true for so long under Hussein that it will probably take a while to change the way they think about it."

"Yes, sir." Gunny nodded.

"It seems thatI've got another item to put on our agenda in our joint meeting with the Marine JAG liaison and the Iraqi representative." Harm started across the hall toward their office.

"Are you going to work on that now, sir?" Gunny followed him out of the interview room.

"Yeah, while I still have things fresh in my mind."

Gunny started down the hallway. In the distance they heard a rumbling sound. Each man looked at the other. That was no storm. The insurgency was alive and well, if outnumbered. The election was five days away. This was going to get worse before it got better.

1535

January 25

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Mac sat listening to Commander Coleman finish her closing statement. This case had been difficult for both attorneys. She had also had a difficult time hearing this. This death had been so unnecessary. So preventable.

"….this case does not rise to the charge of manslaughter. Testimony has proven that a number of factors contributed to the death of Petty Officer White. With regard to the charge of dereliction, my client was again a link in a very long chain of events that let to this tragic result. I ask that the members return a verdict of not guilty on both counts."

1700

Major McBurney's office

JAG Headquarters

Commander Coleman knocked on McBurney's office door.

"Enter." McBurney did not look away from his computer screen.

"The general wants to see us, ASAP." She was the one trying to read his expression this time. The members had found her client guilty of the dereliction charge but not on the involuntary manslaughter charge. She thought the verdict was fair, but it was clear that McBurney did not.

He looked at her, still revealing nothing. He buzzed Lieutenant Vukovic's office and instructed him to meet him in front of the general's office. He turned his computer screen off and stood to follow her out of his office.

Petty Officer Coates buzzed the general to let him know they were waiting and they were sent in immediately. They were surprised to see Colonel Rabb sitting in one of the chairs in front of the general's desk. They came to attention. "Sir."

"At ease and be seated."

They all looked to toward the colonel, trying to keep the questioning look from their faces. 'What is she doing here?' Lieutenant Vukovic was sweating a little more than the other two officers.

The general answered for them. "I have been discussing the Thompson case with Colonel Rabb. I received a call from the IG's office today, and they have been instructed to look into this incident and others that have occurred over the last few years on the Coral Sea. I would like you to cooperate in any way that is requested with the IG's staff. After sentencing tomorrow you should receive notification of their intentions in writing. Any questions?"

"No, sir." They all answered in unison.

"You are dismissed."

They all left quickly with the lieutenant leaving more quickly than the other two. He was grateful that he had escaped largely without notice from the general or the colonel. At least he hoped he had. He decided to stay off of everyone's radar screen for the time being. He had gotten off to a rough start.

Coleman followed behind McBurney a bit slowly. By the time she reached his office door he was already seated at his desk. She stood in his doorway.

"So, where do you want to go to dinner?" She wasn't smiling; it was more of a questioning look. She seemed to be asking if they were still friends. She wasn't sure that was what they were yet, but she was sure she didn't want to take a step backward either.

"Since I'm buying."

He looked up at her. "I didn't win." He sat back in his chair, tipping it slightly.

"I won one and you won the other."

He folded his arms, considering. "Tell you what – I'll buy yours and you can buy mine."

She raised an eyebrow. "Sounds fair."

"It's not going to be fair if Thompson walks away with nothing, Commander." McBurney was suddenly serious.

"We've got sentencing tomorrow and the IG's investigation isn't going to leave anyone unscathed, Michael." She had not realized she used his first name.

A slow smile spread across his face. "That's true…Faith…..How do you feel about Prime Rib?"

"You would think of the most expensive thing…." She realized then what she had done. She blushed slightly. "We'll work out the particulars later. Is Friday okay? I know it's a date night for a lot of people." God, was she ever going to stop putting her foot in her mouth today? She thought she sounded like a school girl. McBurney would never let her live this down.

"I don't have a date, Faith." His look softened a bit and it made her extremely uncomfortable. Mike was having a good time with this. He had the upper hand here, anyway.

"I didn't mean to imply that this was a date…" Faith was backpedaling as quickly as she could.

"I know." He stood and started to walk toward her.

Faith turned and started to walk away. He was enjoying this way too much. She should just cancel, but that would make her look like a coward and she could not tolerate that.

She would just have to do it. She looked over her shoulder when she got to her office.

Michael was standing there watching her. She thought that the way he looked at her told her it -was- a date. She stepped in quickly and closed the blinds.

0300 Baghdad time

Green zone

Harm's office

Baghdad, Iraq

Harm rubbed his eyes and clicked his mouse to save his report. He was tired and he knew he could have done this in the morning. The report was completed then because he knew he wouldn't sleep anyway. He heard his computer chime in, notifying him of an e mail. Opening it quickly he saw that it was from Mac. It had to be after 1730 there. On impulse he picked up the phone without reading her message and called her office using his phone card. It was worth a try and he needed to hear her voice.

"Colonel Rabb," she answered.

"Hello, Colonel Rabb."

"Harm?" She was hoping she would hear from him. His e mail had been entirely too short.

"I was up late and saw your e mail and thought I'd try and catch you before you left the office."

"You sound tired, honey; it has to be after 0300 there." God, it was great to hear his voice. "What are you up to, Harmon Rabb?"

"Don't worry, I'm behaving myself. I just decided to get a little more done tonight. I couldn't sleep anyway. I miss you….you know."

"I miss you too." She had missed him terribly. The apartment seemed huge and empty without him. She hadn't had trouble sleeping, though. As soon as her head hit the pillow she was out. She told him this and added,

"Maybe it's because I'm pregnant, I don't know."

"Could be." He didn't want to talk about that now or he would never sleep. "How are you, anyway? Are you feeling alright?" He worried about her all the time.

"Harm, I'm fine. I feel better than I have in months, over a year really. Don't worry about me, sailor, I'm keeping my promise."

"So how does it feel to be an old married lady, Colonel Rabb?" She could hear the smile in his sleepy voice.

"I think I'm adjusting well, Commander. To tell you the truth, Colonel Mackenzie almost sounds foreign to me now. Although I don't think being married for one month makes me an 'old married lady.'"

"It should…you're all mine now, Mac…" It had really only been five days, but he ached to hold her. He had already become an 'old married man.' He loved opening the apartment door to find her there, or to hear her keys in the door when he got home first. He loved the idea of Mac coming home to him.

"Yes I am. Don't you forget it."

"Not likely, Marine." Harm yawned.

"Hey sailor, you better hit the rack. You'll be useless tomorrow."

"Yeah, I better go, but I'll be wide awake tomorrow. Things move pretty fast around here, Mac. And it is anything but quiet."

"I'm sure. I wish I were there so I could watch your six." She was glad Gunny was there, but no one could look out for Harm better than she could. No one loved him more or knew him better.

"I wish you were here too……so I could watch yours." He laughed into the phone. He almost sounded punchy.

"Okay, sailor, that's it. Go to bed."

"I love you, Mac."

"I love you."

Chapter 56

Disclaimers: I don't own any of these JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

1930

Friday

January 28

McMurphy's Bar and Grill

Georgetown

Mike McBurney and Faith Coleman sat across from each other at a table in the soft light of the bar. McMurphy's was trying to give the larger chains some competition so they'd tried to give the place more of a sports bar atmosphere. They had the best steaks in town, as far as Mike was concerned. Faith had let him choose, so he decided to be honest and go where he really wanted to go. He didn't think the place suited Faith's personality, but maybe it was time she loosened up anyway. He was determined to make her laugh out loud tonight. Looking at her now, he wondered if he had taken on more than he should have. Mike was ordering his steak.

"How would you like that, sir?" the waiter asked.

"Medium rare." Mike waited for Faith to disapprove.

"And for you, ma'am?" The waiter turned to Faith.

"I would like the same, but no dressing on the salad."

Mike was surprised. He never figured her to be a meat eater, let alone someone that would eat a rare steak. He had been ready for the lecture. The waiter left them...

"Is there a problem?" Faith frowned at him.

"No, I'm just surprised, that's all."

She surprised him from the moment she had walked into the bar. She looked so different out of uniform. She wore her dark chestnut hair down around her shoulders. She had worn jeans that fit her beautifully. She had chosen a soft sweater that looked like cashmere; caramel in color, which made all of her sharp edges smoother and turned her into someone else entirely, in his eyes.

"I can't remember when I didn't like my steaks rare." Faith was lost in thought.

Mike was still thinking about how beautiful she looked. He decided not to tell her. She was so full of surprises tonight that she might decide she was uncomfortable and leave. Or worse yet, she might move closer to him, and he wasn't sure he was ready for that either. "Yeah, my Dad always liked his steaks that way. I guess that's why I do."

"My Dad always hated it that I ate my steaks that way. I never saw very much of him, though. I think I decided to like it because he hated it." She smiled without humor. "Sorry, I sound like a very unpleasant child, don't I?"

"Not really, but it sounds like there is a lot more to the story." He wanted to know her better. He wanted to know why someone like her would isolate herself from everyone as she had.

"It's a long boring story. I'll tell you about it sometime. Let's talk about you." She didn't really want to go there tonight. She hadn't been out like this in years. Suddenly she wanted desperately to have a good time. She wasn't looking for anything that would change her life. Just something different from work and that apartment. She liked Michael; she knew that he liked her. She could also sense that he didn't want more than that. She had to begin somewhere. The part of her that wanted to retreat from the world had nagged at her the whole time she was getting ready. The part of her that couldn't stand another minute of isolation had won the battle, though. Michael had slowly brought her out of herself over the past couple of months. She was going to let him be her friend. She wasn't sure why he bothered. She didn't feel like a very interesting person, but she wasn't going to analyze that now. It didn't matter. What mattered was that she was not alone.

"Tell me about your family," she asked.

"I'm sure you heard most of them at Christmas when we came by." He knew she must have heard them laughing. Everyone could identify his mom and sisters by their laughter.

"I have five sisters, and my mom, of course. My dad passed away about six years ago."

"I'm sorry." If he had any sadness in his life, it had never been apparent.

"It's okay. He was a good guy. I never had much a chance to know him as well as I would like. He was a Marine too. I know he was proud that I got my scholarship to the Academy." His mother had told him she was proud of him but his father had not. He had already begun to show symptoms of his illness by then. An illness that was taking him away from them, they just didn't know it.

"The sister that I met: was her name… Kim?"" She thought she might steer him from that particular part of the story. He'd gotten serious all of a sudden.

McBurney smiled immediately. "Yes, that was Kim."

"She makes you a bit uncomfortable, doesn't she?" Faith seemed to like that.

He leaned forward and looked at his folded hands on the table. "Yes... she does. You kind of remind me of her in that regard. I think you both like to watch me squirm." He chuckled, remembering. "I never know what she is going to say."

Faith arched a brow. "I don't know what you mean," she commented, a small smile forming on her lips.

The waiter arrived with their dinner and the subject changed for the time being.

2130

Friday

January 28

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Mac, Mattie and Mrs. Rabb sat at her kitchen table. Mac and Mrs. Rabb had their decaf while Mattie finished her hot chocolate. The drive had been surprisingly good, weather-wise. Mac and Mattie had had a chance to catch up. Grace Aviation was in the early stages of getting back on its feet, thanks in great part to Harm. Mac wondered if Harm would ever know the difference he had made in so many lives. She touched her abdomen where their baby now grew. There was one life in particular that she was thinking of right now. She smiled softly to herself.

"What are you thinking about, Mac?" Mattie asked, ever curious.

Mac thought this was as good a time as any to tell them. "Harm and I are going to have a baby. We found out last week."

Mattie squealed and threw her arms around Mac, nearly knocking her off of the chair.

"I'm going to be an aunt?" She was thrilled at the prospect.

"Yes, I suppose you are….Aunt Mattie." Mac laughed in spite of herself. Circumstance had made it hard to celebrate like any other couple. Mattie's enthusiasm was contagious, though; she had forgotten how much she had lit up their world. Tom Johnson was a lucky man.

"Mac, are you feeling alright?" Mrs. Rabb's brow was creased with concern, but she was still smiling broadly.

"I feel great, really. I haven't even had morning sickness." Mac silently hoped she wouldn't bring up any more details until Mattie went to bed. She hadn't realized how much she just wanted to be happy about this. She didn't want to think of the negative possibilities; she just wanted to look forward to seeing their baby, hers and Harm's.

0600 (Baghdad time)

Saturday

January 29

Green zone

Baghdad, Iraq

Gunny sat on his rack tying his workout shoes. He and the commander were going to work out this morning and then go ahead with their regular work day. Saturdays were workdays for them, but they had a more flexible schedule. Maybe a hard workout would help them sleep tonight. Then, when he thought about it, he realized that tonight of all nights would be a long one for every coalition soldier on the ground.

He was ready for coffee. He didn't care what it tasted like. He hadn't slept worth a damn last night. It had been a 'noisy' night on 'IED Boulevard'. The area had been given this name because of the gas cans that had been left on the side of the road by Iraqi independent 'businessmen.' There weren't many gas stations in Baghdad, to speak of. So a man with a gas can would stand on the side of the road. When a car pulled over; he got his tank filled, paid the man and drove off again. When the gas cans were empty they were left behind on the side of the road. The cans were later used by insurgents to make roadside bombs. Some were wired where they lay to blow when they were picked up by an unsuspecting soldier or civilian.

He went into the makeshift office he and the commander had set up. He started the coffee and began to remember his last day at home. He and Jen had gone to lunch. They'd decided to pick up some coffee at Starbucks on their way back to the office. Gunny had driven his vehicle so they went through the drive-through.

"I don't see what the deal is, coffee is coffee….Why can't I just say 'Coffee black'?"

Coates looked at him as if he were from another planet. "I'll order."

When they had pulled up in front of the speaker and menu, Gunny rolled his window down and Jen leaned across the console and across his chest. She had leaned slightly into him so that her cheek was just a couple of inches from his lips. She was totally unaware of how close she was to him. She smelled of soap and shampoo and another scent sharp and clean that he could not name. It was if he was breathing her in, seeing her up close for the first time.

"Hey, Gunny, you ready?" Harm stood in the doorway of their office.

Gunny was startled and sloshed his coffee on his t shirt. "Damn….oh, sorry, sir."

"A million miles away, Gunny?"

"Not quite a million, sir. Give me a minute to change this stupid shirt, excuse me, sir."

Gunny stepped around Harm and headed for his quarters down the hall. Harm's gaze followed him curiously down the hallway.

When Harm and Gunny walked into the gym, the music was already on and deafening as far as Harm was concerned. Where was Stevie Ray when you needed him? "What is that, anyway" he asked Gunny.

"Beats me, sir." Gunny shrugged.

A young man passing them tossed over his shoulder, "Seether."

Harm and Gunny looked back at him and then at each other. "Seether?"

"We're getting old, Gunny."

Gunny was spotting and Harm was on the bench. He was surprised that after a while the music did make him push harder into his workout. He sat up on the bench while Gunny went to get additional weights. The music changed …he heard the words:

I wanted you to know, I love the way you laugh

I want to hold you high and steal your pain, away

I keep your photograph, and I know it serves me well

I want to hold you high and steal your pain.

The song continued and it seemed to cast a pall over the whole gym. It was full; everyone kept working out the same as before. But it was as though everyone felt the song, the words taking different people different places. Harm placed his hand on his chest over the St. Christopher medal under his shirt for a moment: his Christmas gift from Mac.

2145

January 28

Mc.Murphy's Bar and Grill

Georgetown

The music was having the same effect in another place and time zone.

Faith and Mike had been talking mostly about Mike's family for the past hour or so. Time had gotten away from them. They had decided to have coffee at his apartment. She hadn't liked the idea of having anyone at her apartment. No one had been inside her apartment but her since she moved there. She wanted things to be different, but she wasn't ready to go that far.

Cause I'm broken when I'm open

And I don't feel like I am strong enough

Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome

And I don't feel right when you're gone away

Mike McBurney had stood and was putting his coat on when the song began. Faith was reaching for her coat when the words seemed to reverberate in the room. Faith felt as though it were screaming out loud the feelings she had in her heart. She had never let anyone close but the words seemed to amplify her loneliness. She was so tired of it and she wanted a whole life. Damn it, why did she feel so out of control and exposed all of a sudden?

"I'll be back in a moment." She excused herself.

Mike had felt her mood shift. He hoped she would not retreat back into herself again. He didn't know why it was so important to him that she not do that. Any other time he would have cared less. She needed a friend, and he wanted to be that to her.

She returned a few moments later, composed but not distant.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"Yes, are you?" She had put her coat on and she followed him to the door.

Faith followed Mike to his apartment. He lived just a short distance from the bar, in a nice brownstone building. She was surprised when she saw how nice Michael's apartment was. It was neat and clean. It was masculine, of course. There was a lot of gray and black, but everything was in its place. She was relieved.

"This is nice, Michael."

Mike turned to look at her quickly. She liked calling him 'Michael,' he thought. He usually didn't like that. Mike was what he preferred his friends call him. Maybe it was a way to keep him at a distance, a little more formal, for Faith's comfort level. He didn't mind. He was just glad they were becoming better friends.

"Yeah, I like it."

"I have to say I'm surprised about how neat this is. I don't know what I expected."

"I think I do: gym socks, empty beer cans….pizza boxes?" He chuckled.

She blushed slightly. "Yes, I suppose I did."

"I am a Marine, Faith." He frowned slightly; he was as squared away as anyone else.

Faith deadpanned him and said, "Yes…I know."

"Oh are we trying to be funny here, Faith?"

She smiled, saying nothing.

He was looking at her, walking toward his kitchen. He didn't see that he was walking into a chair that had been pulled out slightly from his dining room table. He hit the leg of the chair with his foot and proceeded to fall flat on his face.

"Michael! Are you alright?" Faith started toward him.

Mike was up almost as fast as he had fallen, totally mortified. He straightened his clothes and looked back at Faith. She had covered her mouth with her hand in shock and now she was hiding a smile.

"Don't fight it, Faith…You know you think it's funny."

"I wasn't laughing." She was trying unsuccessfully to keep the mirth from her voice.

"Yeah, right."

Mike was talking and backing away at the same time. He backed into the door frame to his kitchen. The sound of his head hitting the frame made a loud crack.

"Ow!" He frowned.

Faith really did laugh then, out loud until she was wiping tears from her eyes. Mike had gotten his wish. He had made her laugh, just not the way he had intended.

0655

Baghdad time

Green zone

Baghdad, Iraq

Gunny and Harm had finished their workout. They were taking a quick break before hitting the showers and starting their work day. The elections would be underway in 24 hours. A distant rumbling could be heard from outside. Harm remembered his first visit to Iraq. If someone had told him back then that this day would come, he probably wouldn't have believed them.

"Sir?" Gunny questioned.

"Sorry, Gunny, just remembering something, or someone I should say."

"Oh…" Gunny wasn't sure he should ask.

"The first time I came here, it was to defend a Marine. Corporal David Anderson.

I was to make contact with a person with the code name 'Scimitar'. Being the open-minded person that I am, I assumed that 'Scimitar' was a man. It turned out that Lieutenant Dumai, a woman, was my contact."

"Wondering if she is still alive, sir?"

"Yeah….I hope she made it. She wanted so much for her country. She was a brave woman." Harm shook his head slightly. "It seems to be a requirement in this part of the world."

"Yes, sir." Gunny knew that was true. Fareeza Tarik was someone he would never forget.

Harm looked at him and remembered Afghanistan. "Sorry, Gunny."

"It's alright, sir. I was privileged to have known her. To tell you the truth, I couldn't believe she even gave me a second thought, even as a friend. She was beautiful and brilliant and was willing to give everything she had to move her country forward. I'm just sorry she didn't live to see it."

It had been so unfair, and far too common in those days.

"So many Afghanis willingly laid their lives down for the beginnings of freedom, with no guarantee that it could actually be accomplished. The hope of freedom was all they had and they gave their lives anyway. How many people would do that?"

They both heard the distant sound of gunfire outside.

"There are plenty of people here who are willing to do the same. For the hope of freedom, Gunny. I just hope they have their chance."

2300

Friday night

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Mac and Mattie were in the living room in front of the fire. Mac had a book in her lap and sat in the wing chair by the fireplace. Mrs. Rabb walked into the room and saw Mattie stretched out on the couch sleeping, her mouth open and her arms above her head. Mrs. Rabb's box of pictures was sitting open on the coffee table. Mattie had decided she wanted to have a look into their history tonight. It was a good night for it. Mrs. Rabb walked to her front room window. There was a light snow falling, and it was about 20 degrees outdoors. There was a full moon which came from behind the clouds from time to time to illuminate the yard and the rest of the farm beyond. She loved having them here. She was sorry she didn't get to see Harm, but she had his Mac and his Mattie.

She walked into the kitchen to start a fresh pot of coffee – decaf, of course. While it brewed she looked out of the window. A feeling of true contentment settled over her. She was worried about Harm being away in Iraq, but for some unexplainable reason she knew he would be alright. She knew that he would come home safe.

She thought of her David. 'We will have a great-grandchild my darling.' She spoke to him in her heart. A part of her husband would live on through the child that was on its way. It was hard to believe that all this had come from their brief time together. She had loved him a long time before he knew about it or even before she would admit it. Harmon and his son were here because she loved him and they believed in their future, Though it was cut short, their lives had made a difference in the world; she believed that with all her heart. She may not have all the answers, but this was something she knew. Harmon and Mac would begin their lives and keep what they had begun over 60 years ago alive too.

"Sarah?" Mac stood in the doorway of the dark kitchen.

"Oh, you scared me." Mrs. Rabb held her hand over her heart.

"I'm sorry. What are you doing in here in the dark?" She walked toward her.

Mrs. Rabb rested her arm around her shoulder and hugged her a bit. "Just looking out at the moonlight and watching it snow. If I turn on the light all I will get is a reflection of an old lady looking out the window." She chuckled and Mac laughed with her. "I'm so happy about the baby, Mac."

"Thank you. It is good to see how happy you are about it." Mac hadn't meant to put it quite that way.

"What do you mean, Mac?"

"Nothing, really – it's just that the doctors wanted us to wait a year. We really had not planned to even try for a year. I got pregnant in spite of birth control and my illness."

Mac shrugged her shoulders.

'Then it must have been meant to be, Mac."

She smiled at her and gave her shoulder another squeeze. It seemed the most natural thing in the world to be standing side by side with Mac, hugging her close, like her own child. There was something else, though, something she wasn't saying. She hoped that she would be alright and the baby would be too. No one deserved happiness more than Harmon and Mac, and as far as she was concerned they were long overdue.

2200

Baghdad time

Saturday

29 January

Green zone

Baghdad, Iraq

Harm lay on his rack in his quarters. This had been a long day. He ached all over, he needed to sleep, and he needed Mac. He turned over onto his stomach and felt the frame of the rack poking through the mattress into his stomach. His legs were too long for the bed so he hung one foot off of the side. He thought of his comfortable bed at home and he remembered the great massage Mac had given him; the feeling of sinking down into a mattress in a bed that fit his body. He thought of Mac sitting on his six and working all the kinks out of his back….among other things. He had been gone nearly ten days. It was way too soon to start counting days, but he couldn't help it. One day down was another day closer to home, to her.

TBC

A/N: Forgot to acknowledge the song 'Broken' from the soundtrack "The Punisher". Recorded by the group Seether.

I stole my sons CD and sent him a new one. What can I say…I'm going through my second childhood…LOL


	20. Chapter 20

Will You Always Be There?

Chapter 57

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters they belong to Belasarius productions. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or person living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything up to an including 'The Sixth Juror' any spoilers floating around out there are fair game.

1020

Sunday

30 January

Belleville Community Church

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Mac and Mattie sat on the pew with Mrs. Rabb. Mattie sat between her and Mac. Mrs. Rabb glanced at Mattie as the pastor spoke. She was such a lovely girl. She was so glad to be here with them both. The pastor's words brought her out of her thoughts.

"Let us remember to pray for safety and success of our service men and women who are serving overseas. Today of all days in Iraq." He gestured toward Mrs. Rabb. "Let's remember Mrs. Rabb's grandson Harmon, that God will grant him a safe return to his family." The congregation spoke a soft 'amen'.

Mac felt a lump forming in her throat. She had heard those words spoken before in various types of church services, but this time it touched her heart so deeply. It was her husband they were speaking of and she sat in a place where he was remembered and loved. She felt so close to him at that moment that she nearly dissolved into tears. She missed him so much. Mac remembered the first time she had come here, Harm's reassuring smile and his hand clasped in hers. Mattie turned to look at her and reached for her hand. They gave each other a watery smile before the pastor led the congregation in prayer.

After services Mac and Mattie had lunch with Mrs. Rabb. Mac wanted to start back early enough to get Mattie back to Blacksburg and then have plenty of time to get back to Washington. Mattie was gathering her things to go and Mrs. Rabb and Mac sat at the kitchen table finishing their coffee.

"I never thanked you for our Christmas gift, Sarah." Mac had loved the small scrapbook she had made. She had made copies of the pictures of Harm's great grandparents and of her and David. There were some of Harm senior and Harm as a baby. She had even included some of Harm's school pictures. There was one in particular she liked to tease Harm about. He couldn't have been more than eight years old. He was beaming at the camera with the beginnings of his beautiful smile. His two front teeth were larger because he still had a lot of his baby teeth. This gave him a slightly 'rabbity' look. Mac had teased him and called him 'Bugs', short for Bugs Bunny. He was adorable, though, even at eight years old. She hoped their baby would have his smile.

"You got such a kick out of those pictures when you were staying with me that I thought it might be time to pass some of them on. I made copies, though; I'm not ready to part with the originals yet." Mrs. Rabb looked wistful.

"That's quite all right. It was perfect the way you did it. Besides, I think Mattie enjoyed going over the originals this weekend too."

Mrs. Rabb wanted to ask Mac all weekend if she was all right. She did not want to pry into their lives, but Mac had been more emotional than she had been for sometime. She felt she was holding something back, but barely. She decided to just ask and get it over with.

"Mac, you can tell me I'm a nosy old lady if you want to, but I have to ask you something."

Mac looked at her, questioning. "What? I don't have a problem with you asking me anything, Sarah. You're my friend."

Mrs. Rabb heaved a sigh of relief. "You have something on your mind, Mac, something that's troubling you. I'd like to help if I can."

Mac's eyes welled up immediately. "Oh for heaven's sake, I cry at the drop of a hat lately. I know that a lot of this is hormones, and to be honest I don't know where to begin. Harm and I had just found out about my being pregnant before he left and I didn't handle things well. I didn't discuss anything with him – I made decisions without asking his opinion of anything. We fought but we were able to resolve things before he left."

Mac continued to wipe tears from her face with her bare hand. She didn't want to give too much detail. "I don't know... it's not something I can explain. Harm hasn't done anything wrong at all. I know this is stupid."

Mrs. Rabb got up and got a paper towel and handed it to Mac. "You're just not a Kleenex person are you, Mac?" She grinned and patted her back.

Mac laughed through her tears. "No, I guess not."

"And this is not stupid. Sometimes when we speak our fears out loud, it takes the teeth out of them. They can't hurt us anymore." She winked at Mac.

Mac nodded. "I'm just afraid this will come between us – we've been so happy. I don't know, I just feel Harm holding back, when we talk and I mention anything about being pregnant, he asks me if I'm feeling all right. He doesn't want to talk about it. I can tell."

She placed her hand on Mrs. Rabb's forearm. "I don't want you to misunderstand. Harm has been wonderful. I know he loves me. I just don't want this to change what we have."

Mrs. Rabb placed her hand over hers. "Oh, honey…do you really think that is possible?" She gave her an indulgent smile.

Mrs. Rabb had once again done what she had when she first met her. She drew her out and made her laugh at herself without making her feel foolish. That was a gift, Mac decided. She chuckled, still wiping tears.

"I guess not."

"Give him time, Mac. He has lost a lot in his lifetime. It would be only natural for him to feel some apprehension about you now. This year has been a doozy for both of you. He'll come around – give him time, honey." She gave her forearm a squeeze.

They both stood. Mrs. Rabb gathered Mac into her arms and hugged her. She knew there was a part of Mac, however small, that needed to lean on someone. A small part of her that still needed a mother. She leaned back and looked at Mac.

"On your twentieth anniversary, you two should write a book." Mac nodded and they both laughed and turned to walk toward the front door.

Mattie bounced into the room and came to abrupt halt. "Mac, are you all right?"

Mac waved her off. "Oh I'm fine…just hormonal."

Mattie saw an opportunity. "Do you want me to drive, Mac?" Her eyebrows slightly rose with hope, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

"I'm not that hormonal, Ms. Grace." She linked her arm around her neck and they walked the rest of the way to the door.

2330

Baghdad time

30 January

Green zone

Baghdad, Iraq

Harm sat in his office. He thought if he called now he would catch Mac after church services, but before she left to take Mattie back to Blacksburg. He hoped so, because he wanted to talk to them all. Harm hadn't seen Mattie in a long time. He wished so much to be there with them. It had been a long day. Iraq voted. It had not been a perfect process but it had not been deterred by the insurgents. No matter what was said or done, from now on they were moving forward. Harm shook himself out of his thoughts and dialed his grandmother's number.

Mrs. Rabb answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Grandma?"

"Harmon? Is that you, son?"

"Hello…How is the love of my life?"

She had heard the smile in voice when he spoke. "Don't you try to charm me, Harmon Rabb. I know all your tricks."

"Where is my wife?" He still got butterflies sometimes when he thought about talking to her. It had been nearly two weeks. He needed to reconnect with his lifeline.

"Oh, honey, you missed them. They left about a half an hour ago. Mac was worried about snow being forecast out near Blacksburg this evening. She wanted to be sure she missed it."

Harms heart sank. He had been looking forward to this all day. "Oh, well, that was probably a good idea." The disappointment was apparent in his voice.

"I know she'll be sorry she missed you." Given Mac's frame of mind it may have helped, or maybe not. 'Those two,' she thought.

"Did she seem all right to you?"

"She was fine, Harm. In fact, I have never seen her look better. She doesn't look as though she's been sick a day in her life."

Harm could see her in his mind's eye: standing in the kitchen, cleaning up and talking to him about his day. She did look more healthy; strong and very feminine at the same time – one of the things that had attracted him to her in the first place. He had never met anyone like her. "She is beautiful, isn't she, Grandma?"

"She's lovely, Harmon, and I understand congratulations are in order."

"Oh…yeah, we found out just before I left."

"It's wonderful news."

Silence on the line

"Harmon?"

"Yes, I'm here."

"I have a question for you, son. Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I am a bit worried about Mac. I'd be lying if I said otherwise." Sometimes it was terrible to have someone know you so well.

"That's understandable."

"I don't want to lose her, Grandma. We came so close last fall."

"I know, son, and I know what you fear. I don't think anyone knows better than Mac what she has to lose, but you need to see the joy in this for Mac's sake."

"I know….it doesn't even seem real to me yet. It's just that the risk is so great."

"It's in your nature to want to protect her, Harmon, but she has a perspective on this that you don't and I pray you never will. I've never known you to afraid of anything, Harm. Don't be afraid to trust this…enjoy this time, celebrate it. You both deserve it."

He knew she was right. He was trying to let the fear go, and if he were honest, the anger too. He thought that over time it would go. He loved Mac; nothing would change that. Maybe he was afraid of losing her so much that he didn't want to think about the reality of the baby. He didn't know.

"I really am lecturing you, aren't I, Harmon?"

"That's okay, Grandma. I don't mind, really. I haven't really been able to tell anyone how worried I am about this. It's nice to be able to talk to someone about it."

They continued to talk but about other things. They talked about Mattie and her adjustment to living with Tom. They talked about how things were going there in Belleville. He told her he was doing fine, no problems there. He expected to be home in a few weeks. When they ended the call, Harm did feel better, but he didn't feel that things in his own heart were resolved. He knew that what his grandmother had said made sense; he just wasn't there yet. There was no way around it.

1930

Friday

4 February

TJ's

San Diego, California

Mike McBurney entered the bar and scanned the room, looking for Faith. They had agreed to meet here after they wrapped up their investigation of an incident involving a destroyer that had run aground near North Island. They wouldn't be getting back to Washington until tomorrow and one more day of warm weather and no humidity were fine with him. As he looked around the room he overheard two young ladies at a table talking, rather loudly.

"Hey, who's this?" They weren't shy, if the way they were looking at him was any indication.

One of the girls, who appeared to be much more intoxicated than the other, said, "Oh…hey…maybe he's here to see the 'iceberg' at the bar." She looked over her shoulder.

"Hmmmm?" Her companion looked at Faith, who was sitting at the bar. "Coleman? Not hardly…I can't believe she's even out of uniform…that's enough excitement for her for the night." They both broke up laughing. "I really think she's an android…Ha ha ha."

Mike looked toward the bar and saw Faith's posture stiffen; she had heard them. She turned on the barstool and was going to slip down to her feet and walk out of the bar. Michael came into her line of vision, and when their eyes locked, she knew he had heard them too. He stood a bit straighter and gave her a conspiratorial wink. The pain was evident in her eyes, but as he walked toward her she began to smile at him. She watched him pass the girls at the table, and as he passed them he said,

"Excuse me, ladies," and flashed a flirty smile.

They both answered at once. "Oh, that's okay." Both girls sounded just a little too eager to engage him in conversation.

Mike strode quickly by, not acknowledging the girls at all after he passed them. He walked toward her and gave her another one of those charming smiles. As he neared her, she realized he wasn't slowing down; instead he was getting closer and closer. He walked up close to her side and slipped his arms around her, locking them low on her waist as though it were a natural action that he did every day.

"Let's give those 'cats' at the table a show," he whispered in her ear. He leaned back slightly, waggling his eyebrows. The hurt was still evident in her eyes. "Come on, Faith…..the hell with them." His face was close to hers and kissed her cheek lightly. He could feel her heart pounding in her back.

She looked back at him, considering the possibilities and fighting the urge to run from the room. However uncomfortable she was, Michael was drawing her in and she loved the idea of showing them they were wrong about her, so she took him up on his invitation.

He kissed her lips gently and pulled back a bit and looked into her eyes. "Come on….." He kissed her again, more deeply this time, and to his pleasant surprise she kissed him back.

Faith allowed one arm to slip around his waist and the other came to rest on his chest. As Michael deepened the kiss further, she clutched his shirt in her fist. How long had it been since she had been held by anyone? It had literally been years since she allowed anyone to kiss her. This felt so good. She was losing herself in this. She had to come back to earth before she made a fool of herself.

Mike broke the kiss and lightly kissed her cheek again before whispering, "Smile, Faith….pretend you enjoyed it." He certainly had. He could tell it had been a long time for her. She was a little awkward...for a half a second. When she gave herself over to the kiss he had to remind himself that this was an act. This was payback for a couple of assholes who were making her uncomfortable.

Faith found her voice though it cracked slightly. "I do…I did….okay." She looked at him, and they both began to laugh. Faith laughed at herself and Mike at the situation. She leaned closer to him. "It's not funny."

He pulled her in even closer. "Yes it is." He glanced over his shoulder. "We still have an audience…Lets dance." He took her hand and she followed him out to the dance floor. He pulled her into his embrace and they began to dance. Faith held onto his shoulder with one hand, holding herself slightly back from him while resting her hand on his chest.

"I'm not going to bite you, Faith," Mike whispered into her ear.

"I know." She leaned back slightly, looked at him and said sincerely, "Thank you for this, Michael. You're a good friend." She allowed him to pull her further into his embrace.

He returned her look. "You're welcome and yes…. I am your friend. How do those two 'ladies,' and I use the term loosely, know you?"

"I worked with them when I was stationed here at JAG San Diego. In all fairness, I'm not a friendly person." She looked him in the eye, smiling slightly. "You know how I am. I don't make a very good first impression."

"Still…I don't think what they did was….necessary." He looked over and saw that they were still watching, whispering behind their hands. 'Women,' he thought. They could be crueler to each other than any man could ever be. He was raised with five of them and he thought that made him an expert of sorts.

"Oh…I'm not going to let them get to me. I'm an android…remember?" She quirked an eyebrow at him, mocking the label her 'friends' had placed upon her.

Mike leaned in closer and whispered in her ear, for the benefit of their audience. "Oh...I don't know, Faith. You sure don't kiss like an android." Her response to his kiss, once the shock had worn off, had been anything but mechanical.

Faith blushed deeply, all the way down her neck. She could not help but laugh out loud. She may have even giggled. She was having so much fun and knowing the two 'ladies' who were watching. It would be all over JAG San Diego that she wasn't such an 'iceberg' after all.

1600

Baghdad time

7 February

Green zone

Baghdad, Iraq

Harm was using the interview room as a place to meet with Major Hanson. The major would be spearheading the implementation of the program once they got more of the details hammered out. They were finishing up for the day when they heard a knock at the door.

"Enter." Harm looked up from his case file.

"Excuse me sir, Major Hanson has an emergency phone call."

"Put it through, Gunny." Harm looked at the major and turned his phone toward him, so he could answer it more easily.

"Major Hanson….Sandy? Are you all right?"

Harm stood and walked toward the door. He heard the major say, "A girl…that's great. Is she all right? Oh, honey, I love you too."

Harm closed the door and walked down the hallway where Gunny waited.

"It looks as though someone just had a new baby." Harm raised his eyebrows.

"It happens." Gunny shrugged. "I understand this is their third, sir."

"Third? He can't be much older than 30. Three kids?" Harm couldn't imagine. He hadn't gotten his mind around one yet.

"Some guys are just family men. Look at Commander Roberts, sir; it suits him too, if I may say so."

"I don't think Bud would mind, Gunny, and I have to agree." Harm smiled at the memory of Bud holding his daughter while he spoke to him during their visit last month.

Gunny knew about Mac being pregnant. Jen had told him. He wasn't sure how she'd found out. Not a lot got by Jennifer Coates in that office. It was kind of curious to him that the commander hadn't mentioned it. He figured some people were private about things like that. He also knew the colonel had been pretty ill. He didn't really think it was appropriate to ask. He smirked to himself, thinking, 'That's not a problem Jen ever had.'

1730

Baghdad time

Green zone

Baghdad, Iraq

Harm glanced at the clock on the wall of their office. "Gunny, get General Creswell for me, will you?" The General was expecting an update today. It would be the first one he had given by phone.

"I'm going to step down the hall to my quarters for a moment. I'll be right back." He stood and walked out of the room.

Gunny punched the necessary numbers to place the call. Jennifer Coates answered. "General Creswell's office, this is Petty Officer Coates, can I help you?"

"Well, I don't know, Jennifer -- can you?" Gunny chuckled.

"You! What are you doing?" It was great to hear from him.

"I'm placing a call for the commander to General Creswell."

"Oh, and I thought you were just calling to see how I was doing," Jennifer teased.

"I could ask how you and Commander Coleman are getting along. Had any long conversations lately?" She had told him about speaking out of turn the day he left for Iraq. They were both laughing when Harm walked through the office door.

"Hey, Gunny, have you put that call through yet?" Harm frowned; a little curious as to whom Gunny was speaking. It couldn't have been the general.

Gunny was serious immediately. "Uh, Commander Rabb for General Creswell."

"Right away, Gunny." She put the call on hold and buzzed the general.

"Commander Rabb for you, sir."

"Very well, Petty Officer. Are you alone out there?"

"Yes sir. I'm putting the call through now, sir." He must have heard her laughing, Jen thought. She was thinking if she picked up the pace neither she nor Gunny would have to make any excuses for joking around on government time.

General Creswell picked up the phone and punched the button. "Commander Rabb?"

"I have him for you, sir." Gunny handed the phone to Harm.

"General Creswell?"

"Commander, put this on speaker. I want to hear what both of you have to say."

Harm looked at Gunny, who was starting to walk out of the office, and stopped him with a raised hand. Harm pushed the button for the speaker phone.

"Commander Rabb, what have you and Major Hanson been able to come up with to deal with the problem list you sent me last week?"

"Sir we are working on a program that will help build their non-commissioned officer corps. It has been virtually nonexistent and we think may have contributed to some of the officers' ability to retaliate to any infraction inappropriately with impunity. "

"Very well, go on."

"We will be helping implement the framework that will allow punishment with extra duty, cuts in pay, things of that nature. More severe infractions to be will be punishable by isolation versus physical punishment. We also believe building the ranks of non-commissioned officers will give the regular soldiers more incentive to do well."

"What's your assessment, Gunny?"

"I think it's a good plan, sir – I just don't think it's realistic to think it will happen overnight. Culturally these people have no problem getting in anyone's face if they see them doing something they think is wrong. Especially an older man when dealing with a younger person; it has been acceptable for a long time."

"What about the building up of the noncom ranks?"

"I agree, sir, completely."

"Very good. Has training begun, Commander Rabb?"

"Yes, sir – we will be traveling with Major Hanson next week to begin implementation in several locations, sir."

"Sounds like a good start, Commander. Let's finish this. It's your ticket home. Carry on."

The general ended the call. Gunny and Harm looked at each other.

"I wasn't disagreeing with you, sir." Gunny wasn't sure how the commander would take his assessment of their program.

"Don't worry about it, Gunny. I know this is a hell of a task. The general asked your honest assessment and you gave it. I wouldn't expect any less. We have to begin somewhere. I know there will be bumps in the road; we will learn as we go. I just know that if we back off using cultural differences as an excuse, then we could end up with a military every bit as ruthless as Saddam's." They heard a knock on the door.

"Enter." Harm turned toward the door.

"Would you like to see by beautiful daughter, sir?" Major Hanson was grinning from ear to ear.

He placed his briefcase on Harm's desk and opened it. He pulled out a file labeled 'Cassandra.' He opened it and handed a computer generated copy of a picture of a young woman holding a tiny baby.

"The nursing staff at the hospital sent this." He left the file open showing what looked like ultrasound pictures.

"Congratulations, Major." One of the pictures, labeled 'Cassandra 3 months,' caught Harm's eye. He thought that Mac might be nearly three months along. 'God this is really happening' he thought. They were going to have a baby.

"Thank you, sir." He took two cigars out of the pocket of his briefcase and handed them to Gunny and Harm. "I know you can't smoke these here. I just figured that if I can't be with my girls tonight, I can at least be the proud papa and pass out the cigars." He took back the picture and looked lovingly at the print. "If you'll excuse me, sir, I have some showing off to do."

"By all means, Major. Carry on."

The major nodded to Gunny and he and Harm were smiling, watching him leave the room. When they looked at each other they both looked quickly down, feeling a little embarrassed at their unguarded moment.

"Uh, I'll be in my quarters if you need anything, sir." Gunny quickly left the room.

Harm sat back down at his desk. He looked at his phone. 'What time is it in Washington?' he wondered. It couldn't be too much later than 0900. He dialed the numbers, praying she would answer her phone. No such luck. He could e mail, but what he needed was to hear her voice. You didn't get that from e mail.

TBC


	21. Chapter 21

Will You Always Be There?

Chapter 58

Disclaimers: I don't own the JAG characters depicted in this story. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons, living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything up to 'The Sixth Juror' and any spoiler floating around out there is fair game.

A/N: This chapter is pretty Bud and Harriet heavy but for me it speaks to things I've always wanted to see dealt with for a long time(ah the beauty of fanfic)

2330

10 February

Roberts Residence

Alexandria, Virginia

Bud sat on the sofa in the den. He kept going over the conversation he'd had with his father the day before. He lost control of his temper so quickly lately. He hated that he had lost it in front of Little AJ.

"Bud?" Harriet stood in the doorway. "What are you doing still up?"

"I'm sorry, honey; I'm just trying to clear my head." Bud looked at her apologetically.

"It's your father, isn't it?" Harriet knew, Bud hadn't been this quiet in a long time.

"It is, but mostly it's me." Bud patted the couch beside him, inviting her to sit down.

Harriet sat beside him and took his hand waiting for him to speak.

"I can't believe how quickly I lost my temper yesterday. I scared Little AJ so badly he wouldn't even hug me this morning before I went to work." He looked at Harriet. "I never wanted to ever see that fear on his face."

"Bud, I think you're being too hard on yourself." She knew how much being a good father meant to Bud.

"I don't know, Harriet. I have been over it a thousand times in my mind … and do you know what the worst thing is? I sounded exactly like him. Even my voice was just like his was. He would back me or Mom into a corner, yelling, belittling us, throwing every curse he could think of at us. He didn't always hit us…the words could hurt as much as if he had."

"Bud, that isn't what you did yesterday." Harriet could not see the comparison at all.

"I think I need to talk to someone, Harriet." He wasn't sure how she would feel about it, but he was not going to let this get out of control. He had too much to lose.

"Do you want me to go with you?" She knew now that Bud was really troubled. He would never have considered counseling a couple of years ago.

"I don't think so. I think this is about me. I've always worried that my childhood would affect my family. I don't want to let it."

"Bud, what are you talking about? You're a wonderful husband and father."

Bud remembered talking to Harm just before he and Harriet were married. He'd told him about his fear of becoming what his father was. Harm had tried to reassure him but Bud had carried that fear throughout their marriage.

"Thank you, Harriet." Bud kissed her cheek. "I just don't ever want to let you down, and I think it's time I did something about this anger before it gets out of control."

Bud kissed her cheek. "I love you."

Harriet smiled at him. "I love you too."

1845

11 February

Friday

The Ship's Wheel

Norfolk, Virginia

Retired Master Chief Bud Roberts sat at a barstool nursing his first but not last beer of the evening. It had been a hell of a week. He was able to avoid being called up by the Navy to serve. ' Christ!... unbelievable,' he thought. He wouldn't be caught dead in fatigues or Cammies as they now called them. The medical review board Bud had been able to get to review his personnel file ruled that he was not fit for duty – a ruling that didn't bother him in the least. What he had been totally unprepared for was being thrown out of his son's house and forbidden to ever come near them again. He shook his head, wondering what the hell Bud's problem was anyway.

"Roberts?" Someone was calling from across the bar.

"Master Chief Roberts?" Big Bud lifted his head to look for the person calling him. He looked across the bar and then recognition dawned.

"Maguire? Well, I'll be damned. How are you doin'?" To Big Bud Roberts his old shipmates were family. He felt more at ease with them than he had ever felt with his sons or Angie. Well, maybe not in the beginning, but the longer he served, the more he felt the Navy was his family. He didn't allow himself to be close to anyone else; it hadn't been necessary, especially after Angie died.

Senior Chief Matt Maguire approached him and shook his hand. "I'm doing great. Just down here seeing a few old friends."

"How long has it been? Twenty years?" It had been a very long time. Angie was still… well, he wouldn't go there now. He hoped he wouldn't ask about her.

"What have you been doing since I saw you last? Keeping busy?"

His friend arched an eyebrow. He had known Big Bud well. To say he 'got around' was an understatement. Matt sure as hell couldn't keep up. His wife Katie would have killed him.

"You know me. I'm doing anything I can get by with." Big Bud laughed before taking a long pull on his beer.

The door to the bar opened letting in the traffic noise from the street. A woman stepped in the door and looked toward Big Bud and his friend.

"Bud? My God… is that you?"

"Katie…well, I will be damned. When are you going to get old, woman?"

A well preserved woman of nearly 50 years laughed and walked quickly to the bar where Big Bud and her husband Matt were talking. Big Bud swept her into a bear hug.

"I always said Matt had the best looking babe in the whole 101."

Matt and Big Bud had become friends in boot camp. Their company number was 101. Katie hadn't been able to get to their graduation so they'd called her that evening. They'd squeezed into a phone booth, drunk out of their skulls, both telling her in the most colorful language that she was 'the best looking babe in the whole 101' – though Big Bud had never seen her in his life at that point.

"Stop lying, you old silver-tongued devil!" She laughed. "I can't believe we ran into you like this."

Matt began to talk about what they were doing in town, but Big Bud was lost in thought, wondering what Angie would look like now. Seeing Katie and remembering their friendship took him back. It had been their first hitch and they were both stationed out of Norfolk. Bud was on the carrier USS America and Matt was on the destroyer USS John King. The girls had become good friends. Hell, he and Angie had driven Katie to the hospital when she went into labor with their oldest son. Matt's ship had been out and Bud had only been home a week.

"Bud?" Katie asked. "Are you all right?"

"Oh, hey, sorry…need another beer…not enough alcohol in my system." He laughed a bit too loud. "What can I get you, Katie? It's on me." He looked at her husband. "Matt?"

Matt looked at what he was drinking. "I'll have whatever you've got there."

"Nothing for me, thanks." Katie and Matt had heard about Angie. They'd been stationed in California at the time and had been unable to get back. They had sent flowers but somehow she doubted that Bud knew anything about that.

"How are the boys, Bud?"

"Fine, fine. They're both in the Navy. If you can believe that."

"Nothing wrong with following in the old man's footsteps." Matt had a son who was serving too.

"They're not really what you could call following –my- footsteps. Bud Jr is a JAG attorney, a lieutenant commander. Mikey is in his second year at Annapolis."

"Really?… Bud… that's great. You must be so proud."

Katie was stunned. She knew what kind of childhood those kids had. It hadn't started out badly, but by the time Bud got orders to Jacksonville and they had decided to get out for a couple of years, things had gotten pretty bad.

"Yeah…who would have thought it, huh?" Big Bud chuckled to himself. "It didn't have anything to do with me, Katie."

Katie looked down, not really sure what she should say. Her husband spoke up. "You gave them a tradition of service. That's something to be proud of."

"Nah, I think whatever they have, as far as the good things, Angie gave them. I just paid the bills." He gave Matt a sideways glance. "You know me, Matt."

Matt did know him; he also knew he wasn't always as he liked to describe himself now. He took out his wallet and opened it to show a picture of Bud Jr. and his family and also Mikey's Academy picture. He handed the wallet to Katie and Matt looked over her shoulder.

"Bud, they look great. I can't believe it. Little Bud has four children? His wife is beautiful."

Katie remembered how close Angie had been to Bud Jr. and how protective he'd been of her, even though he was just a little boy.

Bud nodded, unable to think of an appropriate response, especially in light of the fight he had with Bud earlier this week.

"Mikey is so handsome. He was so young, just a baby the last time we saw him. He's a grown man now." She shook her head. "He looks so much like Angie. She would have been so proud."

Big Bud was relieved that they already knew. He didn't want to explain. He was still raw from his argument with Bud. He could still hear him say "I will never understand why a selfish bastard like you is alive when a good person like my mother is dead." The words were still ringing in his ears.

Matt could see that Bud was getting more depressed by the minute and he also remembered this would usually precede a bar fight with anyone within reach. It was time to change the subject.

"Hey Bud, remember the time we decided to drag race down Hampton Boulevard? We both had those old '53 pick-ups. Damn, I still can't believe we didn't get arrested."

Bud laughed out loud. "Hah, we were drunk on our asses. I still can't figure out how I got those damn trash cans in the back of that pick-up."

"We could have been busted down to E1 if we had been caught. Man, someone up there was looking out for us that night."

Katie remembered that night too. "Yeah, right. I remember someone calling me to be sure his uniform was ready for captain's inspection the next morning. Bud was on leave, but you weren't. I still don't know how you got through that day. You were green to the gills."

Bud continued to laugh. He remembered seeing Angie and Katie standing in the yard, arms folded across their chests. They hadn't been nearly as mad as they seemed to be.

In that moment he wished to be young again; to have Angie with him again. Seeing Katie made him remember her more clearly. Tonight she hadn't faded into the haze of his dreams. The picture in his mind was clear suddenly and sharp as knife.

Matt decided it was time to go. They had promised to meet another couple out in Virginia Beach later. "Bud, we have to get going. We're meeting the Greggs at Darryl's. Do you want to join us? I don't know if you remember Lou – I think that was after I came back in."

Matt and Katie had gotten out for a few years, but civilian life just wasn't working for either of them so he'd reenlisted.

"No thanks, Matt. It was good to see you." Big Bud stood and shook his hand. "Katie."

Katie kissed his cheek and hugged him.

"Take care of yourself, Bud. I'm so glad we ran into you like this. We need to stay in touch. We share too many memories." She gave him a sad smile and took her husband's hand as they walk toward the door.

Big Bud watched them walk out. He was grateful they were leaving. He didn't think he could take much more of memory lane tonight.

He returned to his bar stool and ordered another beer. His mind returned to the argument he and Bud had. The one he never saw coming, but had been due for a long time….

Bud had handed him a large manila envelope. "The medical review board has approved your exemption from being recalled." Bud looked at his father, appearing to be waiting for something.

Big Bud took the envelope. "Dirty bastards, thought they could screw me." He turned to go to the door. He had been waiting for an hour for Bud to come home from work. He had called him and asked him to meet him at his house.

Bud was incredulous. "So that's it?"

Big Bud turned back to face him. "What?"

"I bust my ass to get you out of something that you probably could have done if you gave a damn about anyone but yourself. And your answer is….What?" Bud walked toward him, anger rising up in him so quickly he didn't even have time to rein it in this time.

Big Bud huffed. "What the hell is your problem? You're a lawyer; that's your job. Nobody forced you."

"Nobody forced me? You come into JAG and insult and irritate half of the people I work with. Embarrass me and pressure me minutes before I have to go into court. Nobody forced me? The hell you didn't."

Harriet was upstairs with the girls when she overheard Bud and his father talking. She was afraid this was coming. Bud had been more than a little on edge lately. It didn't help that every little thing that could go wrong did: running out of gas, locking his keys in the car, you name it. It also didn't help that he was still adjusting to the new CO. Harriet thought that he had been handling everything well up until the last week or so. She stepped out of the nursery and looked down into the foyer.

"What do you want from me anyway?" Big Bud was in no mood for this nonsense. "Blood?" He turned and walked to the door, then turned toward Bud intending to leave with a sharp retort. He didn't get the chance.

"I don't want a damn thing from you, you asshole. I will never understand why a selfish bastard like you is alive when a good person like my mother is dead. You never gave a damn about her or us. What did you get out of it all? You got two sons who have loved you and wanted your respect. What did she get?…..She's dead!"

Big Bud's arrogance seemed to seep out of him and into the floor. "It's not my fault she died, Bud." He looked as though someone had hit him.

Bud felt no guilt; he only wished he had. "No it's not your fault, Dad. You just made her life a living hell while she was alive. That was your fault." He continued to walk toward Big Bud. "Leave….and don't ever ask for anything from me again." He was trembling with anger.

Harriet was so stunned by what she was seeing and hearing that she did not see little AJ at first. He was standing in the doorway to the den, looking from his father to his grandfather. He didn't make a sound, but the confusion and fear on his face was plain to anyone who looked at him. Little AJ heard his mother gasp and looked up at her, and then he began to cry.

Big Bud opened the door and started out. Bud took the doorknob out of his hand and shut the door on him almost before he was completely outside…..

Big Bud awakened from his daydream to find himself sitting on the same barstool, ordering one drink after another. He wasn't far from home. He would be all right, he figured. He had been unable to shake the vision of the hatred in his son's eyes. He had always come around after they had a major blow out, but somehow he didn't think that would happen this time. That argument had come out of nowhere. He'd wondered if this day would come. They had been on borrowed time for a long time. His past mistakes had remained buried in the details of all their lives. 'Mistakes' seemed a small word for what he had done. Angie was gone; she was the glue that held their family together. Mikey wouldn't be able to patch this one. The older Mike became, the more distant he was from him. The last time he had seen him it had seemed to him that Mikey could barely stand to be in the same room with him.

"Hey fella, you buying the drinks tonight?"

Bud turned toward the woman speaking to him. She had probably been a pretty woman once. She had a hard look about her. She wore a bit too much make up and reeked of cigarette smoke and Chanel number five. His kind of gal.

"Sure….what'll ya have, honey?" Big Bud didn't care who she was. He was sure he wouldn't even remember her name tomorrow, it didn't matter. He wasn't alone.

1543

Baghdad time

6 Blocks south of Green zone

Baghdad, Iraq

Harm and Gunny were returning to the Green zone following one of their training sessions held at Camp Anaconda. Major Hanson had been talking nonstop about his family since they had left camp.

"We're naming the baby Cassandra. It's for her mother and for my sister Cassidy."

Major Hanson was still beaming with pride. Harm thought that he had been like this since he learned of the baby's birth. The major looked at Gunny.

"You married, Gunny?"

"No sir."

"Confirmed bachelor, huh?"

"Not really, sir, the right woman just never came along. I thought she might've a few times, but it always turned out that she was more in love with the idea of being married to a Marine than the realities." Gunny shrugged.

"How about you, sir?" Major Hanson looked at Harm.

"Yeah, just last Christmas." Harm smiled at the memory.

"Planning on any kids, sir? If I may ask?" He was curious. It seemed the commander became quiet when he spoke about his family.

"You may, and as a matter of fact we just found out we're expecting." Harm gave them a slightly embarrassed grin.

Gunny and Major Hanson congratulated him.

They were nearing the main gate to the green zone when they heard an all too familiar sound. An RPG was rocketing through the air and crashed into the side of their Humvee, striking near the gas tank. Gunny could see exactly where it had lodged in his rearview mirror. For whatever reason the explosion was delayed.

"It's at the gas tank. Its gonna blow. Get out!"

Gunny got out from behind the wheel. Harm and Major Hanson quickly exited on the opposite side of the vehicle. They quickly tried to run for cover when a rain of gunfire exploded into the air. Marines inside the green zone were already responding to the attack. The Humvee exploded, knocking them all to the ground. They were on their feet quickly. Harm, Gunny and the major had begun making their way to the main gate, using the Marines' return fire for cover. They were within a few steps when the major was struck by two bullets. He was hit just above and just below his body armor. Harm was nearest to him and was sprayed with blood and bone from his wound. He was stunned for a moment, and then called to Major Hanson.

"Get in the gate, Commander – they'll come and get me." Harm could barely hear him over the gunfire...

"I'm not leaving you, Major." Harm could hear Gunny yelling in a distant part of his brain, but he could not tear his eyes away from the major.

Major Hanson could feel the life flowing out of him. He knew suddenly that he wasn't going home. "Go on, Commander."

Harm understood what he was thinking and refused to leave him. Things seemed to be going into slow motion.

"I'm going, I know it. You go home, you have to….." The major's eyes began to roll back in his head and his body began to convulse. "Sandy…" The major's last breath left him, and Harm attempted to drag him back to the camp. He felt a fist in the middle of his chest and someone grabbing him by his jacket.

"Commander!" Gunny had grabbed Harm by his DCU jacket and used his body weight and momentum to pull him away from the major. Harm's back hit the wall of the building they were partially hidden behind. The hard hit seemed to knock him into survival mode, and he hit the ground running with Gunny covering him as he went. They made it inside the gate. Harm and Gunny looked back to where Major Hanson lay dead, both trying to absorb what had just happened.

It had been quieter since the elections. There were still 'pockets' of resistance, but they had become smaller within the last two weeks. Suddenly the call for ceasefire was given. After the dust cleared, there were two men who had begun this firefight. Their guns were spent of bullets and the empty RPG launcher lay at their sides. These people meant to die. They had to know there was no way they would get away if they attacked this closely to the green zone. They just wanted to take as many Americans with them as possible. They had taken one American life. Major Thomas Hanson. Cassandra's father. Sandra's husband. He had said that he had two sons. They would never see him again. Harm suddenly felt so weary, as though he could barely walk. He said nothing but turned to walk toward his quarters. A corpsman ran toward him and stopped him with a hand to his chest.

"Commander!" He had already begun trying to assess Harm's injuries. "Commander, are you all right?"

Harm looked at him as though he couldn't quite comprehend what the corpsman was saying. Harm could see the corpsman looking at his uniform. It was then that he became aware of the blood on his clothing and his face. The smell of it hit him full force suddenly, and he felt the bile rising in his throat. Harm turned quickly away from the corpsman and lost whatever lunch he had been able to eat that day. When Harm was able calm his stomach down, he began to tear at his DCU jacket. He pulled so hard that the buttons flew into the air, nearly striking the corpsman. He threw it onto the ground and turned away from it.

"Come on, Commander, let me get you to the infirmary and get the docs to check you out."

"I'm not injured, Petty Officer." Harm thought of Major Hanson and looked back over his shoulder. "I'm fine"

"With all due respect, sir. Let us have a look to be sure." The corpsman was persistent.

Gunny stepped up behind Harm.

"We'd like to have a look at you too, Gunnery Sergeant."

Gunny nodded and they all walked toward the infirmary.

0500

Eastern Standard Time

11 February

Harm and Mac's apartment

North of Union Station.

Mac lay on her back in their bed in a deep sleep, the comforter tucked under her chin. She had been dreaming of snow. She and Harm were back at Pine Loch. It was a quiet and still night. The only sound she heard in her dream was the sound of the large snowflakes lightly touching the ground. She and Harm were walking along the path that led to their cabin. She had her hand in the crook of his arm. He looked down at her and placed his hand over hers. He leaned down to kiss her…

Mac woke suddenly to what she could have sworn was a loud explosion. Her ears were ringing. She sat straight up in bed and immediately broke out in a cold sweat. Something was wrong. She knew it deep in her soul, something was very wrong and it involved Harm.

Mac got up and started making her coffee. She didn't have to be up for over an hour but there wouldn't be any more sleeping this morning. She showered and dressed. While she made her breakfast she turned the television on to listen to the local news and the traffic report. She had court this morning at 0900 so she decided to get there a little early today. She hoped the details of her day would help her shake the feeling of unease she still had.

She hoped against hope that she would hear from Harm today. He couldn't get back soon enough for her.

2200

Baghdad time

11 February

Green zone

Baghdad, Iraq

Harm stood in the shower, letting the hot water pour directly over his head. This was the third shower he had taken today. Outside of a nasty bruise on his back and some skinned knees, he had come out of the firefight unscathed. He could not get the smell of Major Hanson's blood off of him, or so it seemed to him. He knew that this was all in his head, that it was the effects of what he had been through that day. Still, he figured a shower couldn't hurt, whether he was imagining the smell or not.

As the shower water pelted down on his back and shoulders, he thought of Mac and their baby. He suddenly felt an overwhelming need to see his own child. He hadn't allowed himself to think about the baby as a real possibility before this because of the risk to Mac. Now, as he stood there, he couldn't wait to see it. He closed his eyes and summoned the memory of Mac placing her hand almost protectively on her stomach right after they had learned she was pregnant. He had never allowed himself to even touch her there. He needed to go home and tell her he understood now. He believed the baby was meant to be and he wanted to see the baby's face too.

He remembered what Chaplain Turner had said at their wedding. 'You have begun a journey today. One that will bring you great joy and also may bring you pain…..If you bear all things together, you will endure.' As he turned off the shower, he knew that he had been holding back when it came to the baby. He also knew that Mac knew it. He wanted to go home and do what Major Hanson would never do again; hold his wife in his arms.

Harm got out of the shower and wrapped himself in a towel. He dressed in sweat clothes and went back to his office before going to bed. There wouldn't be any sleep tonight.

He sat at his desk and thought again of what his grandmother had said. 'You need to trust this…for Mac's sake.' He knew now that he needed to do this for his sake too. He hadn't been able to reach Mac all week. He would try and catch her again at work. He dialed the number, praying all the while that she didn't have court that afternoon.

"Colonel Rabb." Mac was slightly out of breath.

"Mac?" Thank God she was there.

"Harm? I was just going to step out. I'm so glad you caught me."

"I've been trying to catch up with you for over a week." God, it was good to hear her voice.

"Any idea about when they may let you come home?" Mac was hopeful.

"I thought it might be the middle of next week, but I don't know for sure." Harm didn't intend to get into it. "Do you have a few minutes to talk?"

"Yeah, I don't have court this afternoon and I worked through lunch. I was just going to step out and grab a bite downstairs."

"I don't want you skipping meals, Mac." Harm wanted to talk about something normal, like what she was having for lunch. He didn't want to talk about life and death; he just wanted to hear her voice.

"I'm not skipping meals, Harm. I had a huge breakfast. I think that's pretty good, considering the nightmare that woke me up this morning." She still shuddered to think of it. That was one of the many reasons this call was so welcome. "Besides, I have a bottle of water and a protein bar here in the office. So stop worrying, Harmon."

"What nightmare?" Harm wondered.

"I was having the most wonderful dream. We were back at Pine Loch, walking in a softly falling snow – then out of nowhere there was an explosion so loud it made my ears ring. I woke up in a cold sweat."

"There could be a reason for that. I had a near miss this afternoon."

"What?" Mac knew that something was wrong.

"I'm sorry, Mac – I'll tell you about it when I get home. I just need to hear your voice and talk to you. I need to tell you something. I know I've held back where the baby is concerned. I want you to know I'm sorry." A lump suddenly formed in his throat. "I…..uh, want to see the baby too." He hoped Mac would say something because he knew he wouldn't be able to.

"Harm….it's okay. I know this whole ordeal with me has been so hard for you. You never have complained…except when I left you out of the loop, and I won't do that again."

"Okay," he whispered.

"Harm, are you really all right?" After all he had said about the events of his day, she realized that they really were connected, still.

"Yeah, it's just been a rough day. I miss you." His voice was still a whisper.

"I wish I were there with you." Mac knew he needed her and she wanted so much to be there for him.

"Me too." The sound of her voice was beginning to loosen the knot he had felt in his chest since that afternoon.

Mac heard a knock on her door. "Just a minute, Harm." She looked toward the door and called, "Enter."

Harriet stepped into her office with one of the girls in her arms. "Sorry to intrude, ma'am."

"Harriet, not at all." Mac thought this was just what she and Harm needed.

"I brought someone to see you." As though on cue, baby Jennifer let out a loud wail.

Harm could hear the baby on the line. "Which one is that, Mac?"

"It's baby Jen. She's making herself known, like her namesake."

Harm could hear Harriet and Mac laughing and the baby in the background. He needed to hear about something normal. His friends, his wife, even the insistent cry of an impatient baby was a welcome respite from what he had been feeling for the last 12 hours.

Bud came to her office door and knocked on the frame.

"Bud." Harm heard Mac talking to him, and also in the background, an additional cranky baby.

"Excuse me, ma'am." He looked at Harriet. "Honey, you're going to have to take Justice. General Creswell is back in the building." He looked down the hallway as if he expected him to walk in at any moment. He placed Justice in the double stroller and kissed her forehead. As he turned to walk back down the hallway, he came face to face with General Creswell.

Mac spoke into the phone in a low voice. "Harm, its General Creswell. I think I'm going to have to go."

"Okay, I'll try and catch you later." Harm's heart sank; he wasn't ready to let her go yet.

General Creswell looked into Mac's office and said, "Colonel Rabb, are you speaking with Commander Rabb?"

Mac looked as if she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. "Yes, sir."

"Keep him on the line. I want to talk with him." His stern commanding expression was firmly in place.

"Harm, did you hear that?" Mac's tone was almost apologetic.

"Yes, I'll stay on the line." He was suddenly glad he wasn't in Mac's office at this moment.

"Commander Roberts." General Creswell turned toward Bud. "Do you not have enough work to occupy your time?"

The Roberts girls suddenly quieted and watched the general with rapt attention.

"Yes sir" Bud stood at attention.

"Then I suggest you get to it. You are dismissed."

"Yes sir." Bud quickly left them without a backward look.

"Sir, this is really my fault. I brought the girls as a surprise for Bud." Harriet tried to explain.

General Creswell did not smile but looked directly at Harriet. She almost visibly wilted under his gaze. He looked down at the girls, and one of them gave him her most beautiful open mouthed smile and a belly laugh.

A smile played at the corners of his mouth. "Which one is this?" The general nodded toward one half of his adoring audience.

"That's Jennifer, sir," Harriet answered, smiling in spite of herself.

The general nodded thinking to himself. 'It figures.'

Harm was still holding on and had heard the exchange. He supposed he was just waiting his turn for the general to ream him one too.

Mac handed the phone to the general, and he looked at her steadily until she understood that she should leave him.

"Oh, excuse me, sir. I'll just step out for a late lunch."

Mac and Harriet went swiftly out the door. As Mac closed the door behind her, they heard the general say "Commander Rabb…"

Baby Jen heard him too, at which she laughed her belly laugh again, well within earshot of the general.

Mac and Harriet hurried down the hall toward the elevators.

A/N: I wanted to focus on the death of the Marine in this story to call attention to the sacrifices made on a daily basis by our men and women in uniform. I recently saw a news report about a Marine who was killed just two hours after his daughter was born. It moved me to tears. He was interviewed prior to the firefight that killed him. The dedication and professionalism he demonstrated is something I will never forget. He was like any man you would ever want to meet. He loved his family and the Marine Corps. He believed in what he was doing.

I honor him and all those who serve.

Chapter 59

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters. They belong to Belasarius Productions. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything up to The Sixth Juror is fair game. Any spoiler floating around out there may or may not be loosely referred to.

A/N: Just an FYI if any of you want to get another look at McBurney…Pat has a NCIS video called 'whattaman' It's a great video and too funny. You will see Mike further back in a clip from 'Ice Queen' the NCIS pilot ep. http/ Click on NCIS vids.

'Arithmetic' is also one of the best Harm and Mac videos I've ever seen. Check it out.

Rating M

1530

11 February

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

General Creswell closed the door to Mac's office as he spoke to Harm. "I was notified of Major Hanson's death this morning, Commander."

"Yes sir."

"Good man. I was acquainted with the major during his first tour in Iraq." The general would be paying Sandra Hanson a visit later that afternoon.

"Yes sir." Harm thought he should say more but didn't feel he had the words to adequately express what he felt at that moment – the words to say that would do a good man justice.

"I trust you and the Gunny came through the skirmish all right, Commander?" The general had been given a report when he was notified of the incident. He wanted to get a feel for how the commander was handling this for himself.

"Yes sir. I would like to say, sir, that Gunny Galindez literally saved my life today. He should be commended for the way he handled this situation. The knee he had replaced didn't keep him from performing his duty today."

"I am sure you both performed your duties well, Commander. I will however look into your recommendation." He was pleased that the commander was living up to the good things he had heard about him.

"Yes sir." Harm honestly didn't feel he had. Gunny had risked his life to get him back into the compound. He had been momentarily stunned by the attack and the severity of Major Hanson's injuries.

"We need to discuss how we're going to proceed. How close was Major Hanson to completing the training for the Iraqi UCMJ?"

"He was just finishing up, sir; many of the new Iraqi units have already begun implementation of the new protocols."

"Major Hanson was getting ready to rotate out. His replacement was to begin March first." It was an old story, and no matter how many times he heard it, the irony never failed to strike him. A Marine being killed just days before he was to return to the States.

"So I'll be staying, sir?"

"No, Commander, the major's replacement will be deploying early. Lieutenant Colonel Bradley Murphy should be on board by the 14th. Major Hanson's staff will assist in familiarizing him with what has been done so far. I will however expect you to lend any assistance that is required."

"Yes sir."

"I will expect a full report on the transition upon your return. Barring any unforeseen delays, I will expect you and the Gunny to report to JAG headquarters by Monday the 21st."

"Yes sir." He was relieved to have a clear date to look forward to, but the major's words were still going through his head. 'You go home….you have to…' He was so sorry that the major wouldn't be going as well.

"Do they have any idea who the shooters were?"

"They have identified both of them. I recognized one of the men; I remember seeing him on the way to the compound just minutes before the attack... The authorities here have identified him as former Iraqi military. The other is believed to be Syrian. He had a Syrian passport."

"Very well. Carry on, Commander." With that the general ended the call. He placed the handset on the phone and left Mac's office.

1630

14 February

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Lieutenant Commander Faith Coleman walked into her office shortly after leaving the courtroom. She noticed that there was a coffee mug sitting on the calendar. She walked around her desk and saw that the mug had a small red ribbon tied around the handle. The letters USMC were written boldly on the side of the mug in red, so large that it could have been seen from across the office. She also noticed that the mug was placed on today's date. February 14th. No card was given. She smiled and picked up the mug. She was looking at it when General Creswell passed her office. He could not help noticing her gift.

"Commander." General Creswell stood in the doorway.

Faith put the mug down on her desk and came to attention. "Sir."

"Stand easy. Nice coffee mug….gift?" He raised his brows in question.

Faith felt awkward. "Ah…yes…sir…I think so."

"You don't know if this is a gift?" The general was puzzled.

"I….I don't know who it's from, sir." She felt like an idiot.

The general tapped the doorframe and turned to leave. "Well, it looks as though your secret admirer has good taste. Carry on"

"Yes sir." She could feel heat rising up her neck to the top of her head. 'Secret Admirer?'

1710

14 February

Harm and Mac's Apartment

North of Union Station

Mac was coming in the door when she heard Harm's voice on the answering machine. She ran to the phone and picked it up. "Hello? Harm?"

"Mac, I'm so glad I caught you." Harm thought he had missed her yet again.

"Hello, you – it's got to be after 0100 there now. What are you doing up so late?" He sounded tired.

"I wanted to get as much done as quickly as I can so I can get back to you. Besides, I think I'll be out of here sometime tomorrow or early Wednesday."

"Oh, thank God. I think this had been the longest four weeks in my life."

"Yeah, me too. I think I may be back by Friday. At least I hope to be. By the way, happy Valentines Day."

"That's right, it's Valentines Day and you're too far away to properly celebrate." A smile crept into her voice.

"Yes I am, but I didn't forget. I hope you won't mind, but since Jen still has a key, she delivered your Valentine gifts."

She turned to look around the room for the first time since she answered the phone. There were four dozen roses placed around the apartment: in the kitchen on the island, on the coffee table, at their bedside and on the dining room table. She hadn't even noticed their scent until now. They were same deep shade of red as the ones she had carried at her wedding.

"Oh Harm, they're beautiful." She felt tears spring to her eyes. She was quiet for a moment, wiping away tears.

"Hey, are you still there?" Harm thought they might have lost their connection.

"I'm here. Damn it… I cry at the drop of a hat lately. I even cry over Hallmark commercials."

Harm chuckled into the phone. "Sounds like I'll be coming home to a whole new Mac."

He knew that she was getting frustrated with herself, but he found it very endearing at the moment.

"It's not funny," she protested, only half serious. "What if I were to lose it in court?"

"Oh, Mac, I don't think you'll do that. This probably won't last long anyway." He knew she wouldn't do as she feared; no matter what was going on, Mac was too professional for that and he told her so.

She had needed to hear that. His confidence in her meant so much to her.

"Harm, the roses are so beautiful. I can't believe you did this. Why so many?"

Mac had walked from the living room to the bedroom and back, looking at them all. She touched the delicate petals with the tips of her fingers.

"A dozen for every week I've been gone." Harm blushed, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed.

"Oh…" Mac teared up again. "You know, you're going to have to stop being so nice. You're making me cry." Her voice was cracking with emotion.

"Well, I never thought I'd hear you say that." Harm laughed in earnest. He couldn't help it. "Honey, you have to stop that crying. I promise I'll never send you roses again."

"Okay…at least not until I get myself under control again." Mac was laughing and wiping tears from her eyes.

"I kind of like Mac…out of control." Harm couldn't resist teasing her.

"Very funny, Sailor."

"I love you, Mac." Harm was a bit more serious.

"I love you too." Mac heard a beep come over the line.

"Honey, I have to go. We have to keep the calls to a minimum. I just wanted to let you know I'm nearly on my way and wish you Happy Valentines Day."

"Happy Valentines Day to you, Harm."

"Bye." And with that the phone cut off.

She took the phone away from her ear and said to no one, "Bye."

Still weepy, she walked back into their bedroom and decided to shower and get comfortable before she ate dinner. She thought a shower might help her settle down and get a grip. Harm was coming home; what in the world was she crying about? She had picked up some Chinese on her way home. It made her feel lonelier to make dinner only for herself. She had done it for years before she and Harm finally found each other, but now she could barely stand it.

After dinner Mac settled on the couch with a book: James Patterson's 3rd Degree. A murder mystery was probably not what she needed to be reading just now, but she wanted something to occupy her mind. Anything to help her think about something besides how far away Harm was and how much she missed him. She had been falling asleep on the couch lately and getting up in the middle of the night to get into bed. She hated getting into bed alone since her nightmare. It seemed to her that his side of the bed felt huge.

By 2130 she began to nod off, so she thought she better go to bed. She locked up and turned the lights out except for her bedside lamp. She sighed and pulled the covers back – and sat down on something that felt like cardboard. Mac jumped up quickly and pulled the covers back.

She saw a huge poster-size Valentine card. On the front of the card was a picture of a very sad-looking bull dog with a red ribbon around its neck. Mac laughed out loud and lifted the card out of the bed. It read: "Wish I could be with you on Valentines Day. I miss you. Love, Harm" How could he have done this? It had his signature. She knew it as well as her own. It was perfect, though, and it was just what she needed.

He could read her like a book, even from halfway around the world. She would have to remember to thank Jen for helping make this possible. She stood the card against the wall so that she could see it from where she lay in bed. She slipped into her bed and turned out the light. She hoped he would like the gift she had for him.

1300

London time

14 February

North park Muslim Women's Shelter

Oldham, United Kingdom

A man in a public works uniform shuffled down the sidewalk in front of the shelter. He walked to the glass storefront door and opened it. He walked toward the desk to ask for the proprietor. A man approached him immediately and asked him what he wanted. He answered him in a thick cockney accent.

"I need to speak to the owner 'ere. Been working on the gas lines two doors down, want to make sure there ain't no damage down your way."

The man stepped more squarely between the public works man and the young woman at the desk.

"I am Arzu Muehe. May I help you?" The man spoke in impeccable English with no hint of an accent.

"I'm just here from the public works to check out your pipes…I been working down the road there and I'm to be sure you have no problems 'ere..." The man smiled, revealing several missing teeth.

"You may proceed. Please let us know if we can be of any assistance."

He turned to the woman at the desk and spoke to her in Farsi, thinking the old man could not understand.

As the man walked to the back of the building he heard him instruct the young woman at the desk to say nothing to him. He told her that if the man were to have any questions she was to direct them to him and that if she did not she would be punished severely...

The public works man made his way to the utility room, but not before noticing several women sitting on mats on the floor: wearing traditional Muslim dress, eyes down and hands folded on their laps. The teacher's lesson was apparently on the role of Muslim women. 'Women are for the house...'

The shelter was purported to be a place where Muslim women who had recently immigrated west could learn new work and language skills. The woman at the front desk was dressed as any other western woman except for the hijab she wore on her head. As he walked toward the back of the building, another picture emerged.

As the public works man opened the door to the utility closet, he spoke under his breath. "You in place, D2?"

There was what appeared to be an old vagrant man walking up the alley behind the store front. "On my way, D1." Each building had a small bricked enclosure with trash receptacles just out side the gate. There were approximately two dozen men sitting on mats inside the small bricked garden behind the North Park Women's Shelter.

"I will quote my brave brother from the Speakers Corner. 'Yes, my friend, I am an extremist and I hope my children are extremists.' We must proclaim that there is but one god and his name is Allah. We must rid the world of the Crusaders." Asa al Hundu seldom allowed himself to be seen in public. This however was a special occasion. Many brothers were in place to begin their new mission. This was only the beginning. They were regrouping from their losses in Afghanistan. It was time to remind the world who they were. The shootings of British nationals in Riyadh and the murder in of another in Iraq last fall had apparently already fallen from the British national conscience. They must strike harder and send two nations into mourning once again.

D2 shuffled closer to the enclosed area to allow him to hear and see who was speaking. "My friends, our brother Aziz Nasiri will be allowed to complete our holy task. The great Satan will send its woman of state to meet with its lap dog. We will use this opportunity to show the world their weakness. They will die in the streets at Number 10 Downing. The world will see and they will know."

D2 listened as he turned to walk away from the makeshift prayer room, lifting lids from garbage cans as he went. The speaker noticed his movement in his peripheral vision.

"Who is this?" he said aloud. "A worthless dog that picks from the scraps of others.

Stop him!" He could not allow a man to act in such a way without correction. The men stood from their prayer rugs and began to chase him.

"D3, are you in place?" he said just before the men caught up with him. He prayed the authorities would catch up with him before his wire was found.

"We are, D2." D3 contacted the local police.

Their plan B had been simple: if either man incurred the wrath of the residents or patrons of the establishment, they were to incite as much of a disturbance as they could. Local authorities could be called in to quell the disturbance and arrest D1 or D2; thereby rescuing them from what could be certain death.

D1 had heard the disturbance and the conversation of D2 and D3. He carefully secured the listening device inside the room above the door frame. He closed the utility room door and walked casually toward the door. He tipped his cap toward the young woman at the desk.

"It's all right as rain, Miss." The young woman looked at him; she seemed to be imploring him not to say more, and then she looked down, busying herself with some papers on the desk. D1 slipped unnoticed out the door.

D1 would make a phone call later that day. He would call an old comrade from his days in Vietnam. He had flown the unfriendly skies with Lieutenant Tom Boone. Although his government still denied that the S.A.S ever fought in Vietnam, he knew at least one person who knew for a fact that he had.

0700

15 February

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Faith had come in early this morning. She wanted to have time to leave her gift for Michael before he had the chance to catch her. She had planned it perfectly. She'd found a coffee mug similar to hers but with very large blue letters that read GO NAVY on the outside. She'd even found a blue ribbon to tie around the handle. She couldn't keep the smile off of her face. This was fun.

She was touched that he'd thought of her yesterday, but he had also been kind enough not to make it too personal. He had known it would make her uncomfortable. She thought again about what a good guy he turned out to be.

She slipped into his darkened office and placed the coffee mug on his desk on today's date, February 15th. She knew it was late and that it didn't make sense to give a Valentine's gift on the 15th, but somehow it fit. She returned to her office and closed the door.

General Creswell walked across the bullpen from the break room. He was carrying his second cup of coffee of the day. A bright blue ribbon caught his eye as he passed Major McBurney's office. He stopped and looked through the open blinds in his office window, spotting the coffee mug very similar in appearance to Commander Coleman's. He drew his brows down in thought and continued to walk toward his office.

0830

15 February

Chegwidden residence

Meredith Point, Maryland

AJ answered the phone in his office. "Tom! I was wondering if I was going to hear from you."

"I think it's time we had another conversation about Trafalgar Square." Tom had some information that might help. He also had heard from Jack.

"Do you want me to contact Nelson?" AJ didn't relish the thought. He'd had one too many battles with the old SecNav.

"No, I've already spoken with him. We're going to meet him at his home, if that's all right with you."

"I'd prefer it. When?"

"Tomorrow, about 1300, if you can make it."

"Sounds good. See you then."

Tom Boone hung up and turned his attention to a news report on television. The lovely ZNN anchor woman was describing the DIA's special clandestine teams that were being used by the Pentagon to gather intelligence.

Tom smiled without humor and shook his head. "Well, honey, they're not too 'clandestine' now."

Same time

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

The staff was assembled at the conference room table. The doors to the conference room opened and Petty Officer Coates called

"Attention on deck!"

With that, all present came to attention. The general walked into the room, carrying his coffee mug. It looked exactly like the one Mike had placed on Faith's desk yesterday. Their eyes locked for a split second, and then both officers resumed eyes forward at attention.

The general pulled his chair out. "Be seated."

Faith and Mike sat directly across from each other, beside Sturgis and Bud who sat nearer to the general.

General Creswell leaned slightly forward, looking at Mike. "Are you a coffee drinker, Major?"

"Yes, sir."

Mike was trying to figure out what was happening here. It couldn't be a coincidence. He had never seen a mug like that one in the office before he bought Faith's yesterday. If this was bait, he wasn't taking it.

He looked at Faith. "You, Commander?" He was giving her his unreadable and assessing look.

Faith could do this. She was an expert at unreadable. Although she had to hand it to General Creswell; she hadn't seen this coming. He must have seen her this morning, or maybe he had seen Mike yesterday.

"Yes, sir."

Bud and Sturgis were looking at each other, trying to figure out why this morning's staff call was about coffee so far. Lieutenant Vukovic and Petty Officer Coates, who were also present, were just glad not to be the focus of his attention.

The general opened the file he had placed in front of him. "We have ET1 Miles Thomas, undergoing training at FCDSSA Dam Neck, charged with attempted murder. Commander Turner, you will prosecute. Commander Roberts, you will defend."

Bud opened the file. He was to defend a man accused of attempting to kill his wife. 'Okay, is this a test?' His thoughts must have been apparent on his face.

"Problem, Commander?"

"No, sir." Bud put his game face back on.

Sturgis gave him a questioning look for a moment. He knew something was up with Bud.

"Major McBurney, Commander Lucy Maron is charged with dereliction of duty. Her patient, PFC Jeff Kilpatrick, was released to return to Iraq after she deemed him fit for duty; apparently the PFC had difficulties after his return to Iraq... You will prosecute, Major, and Commander Coleman, you will defend."

The general chose this time to take another drink of his coffee. Mike and Faith were following his movements and then both looked away almost at the same time.

The rest of staff call was uneventful. Lieutenant Vukovic was to sit second chair with Sturgis. The general dismissed the staff and they filed out of the conference room.

Faith made eye contact with no one but walked swiftly toward her office. Mike followed not far behind. Faith sat down at her desk as Mike stood in her doorway. He knocked on the frame of the door.

"Major?" She looked up at him, her face had 'what do you want' written all over it.

"Commander, may I come in?" His eyes were sparkling with amusement. He decided that the general was having a bit of fun with them. If they had been in any real trouble they would be in General Creswell's office right now.

"Do you think that's wise, Major?" She arched an eyebrow. Her expression returned to unreadable.

He took one step in and lowered his voice. "Come on, Faith, relax."

She gave him a look of exasperation and then nodded toward the chair in front of her desk. She was afraid that if she argued with him it would draw attention.

"What's wrong with you?"

"What do you think? You know very well that the general brought that mug into staff call on purpose." Faith whispered loudly, which made the situation even more amusing in Mike's eyes.

"He was just having a little bit of fun, Faith. If he thought we were doing anything wrong, we would surely know by now. Just relax, we're just friends. You're acting guilty…. do you know that?"

He knew that would set her off, but he was having such a good time teasing her that he chuckled in spite of himself. "By the way, thank you for my coffee mug. Even if you actually stole my idea…" He counted to himself, three, two, one…

Faith's face flushed red, and she drew her brows into a frown.

"What? Stole your idea? Who is acting guilty….what do you mean…"

She saw what he had been up to and it had worked; he'd made her step back and stop being so serious. He was going to make her laugh at herself again.

"You're welcome." Faith remembered her manners, blushing all the while

Michael was laughing at her now; behind his hand to be sure he wasn't overheard.

She looked down unable to keep the smile from her lips. She looked at him and laughed. "Get out of my office….."

Mike stood and composed himself as best he could and did as he was told.

1300

16 February

Nelson Residence

Alexandria, Virginia

Former Secretary of the Navy Nelson sat in his den with Tom and AJ. "I am expecting Jack any moment. Shall I pour you a drink, gentlemen?"

"No thanks, too early for me."

AJ folded his arms across his chest and settled back on the sofa. He hoped they were closer to a resolution on this. He would have liked to be able to tell Harm the next time he saw him that this was resolved. Harm had no idea what they had learned so far; he preferred that he not know anything until it had already been taken care of. He may have been overstepping in that regard, but at least he wasn't alone in his desire to do it this way. AJ smirked, thinking about Rabb's usual reaction to being left out of the loop.

"Something amusing, AJ?" Nelson sat down in a wing backed chair near his fireplace.

"I was just thinking about how glad I am that Rabb doesn't know anything about this yet. I think we should keep it this way until the matter is resolved."

"I agree wholeheartedly." Nelson emphasized the last word. "Things seem to get out of control when he is involved, especially when the situation involves a family member or a friend, directly or indirectly."

Tom Boone listened and nodded in agreement. He wanted to do something to help Harm and seek justice for Trish, for Hammer's sake. He would never forget his old friend. Harm had become a friend to him as well, although he gave him a hard time about it. 'You have friends?' he had said. He did consider Harm just that.

Nelson heard his wife leading Jack back to his den. He stood and met him in the doorway.

"We did say 1300, didn't we, Jack?"

"Oh…am I late?"

Jack feigned concern, much to the amusement of the other two men in the room. Jack didn't feel the need to answer to Nelson, although he definitely wanted to be on his team. He still wasn't sure of Nelson's motives, but as long as the end result was the same, he didn't care. Nasiri was going down one way or the other. Jack walked to the open bar and poured himself a large bourbon. He turned back toward the other three men.

"Cheers, gentlemen."

AJ just watched him with amused curiosity. How did he drink like that and stay as healthy as he appeared to be? He agreed with Sturgis – there was something unjust about that.

Nelson huffed. "Help yourself, Jack."

"Don't mind if I do" He downed his drink and poured another before sitting down on the large sofa at the center of the room.

"What do you have, Tom?" Jack knew Tom had something in mind or he wouldn't have called this meeting.

"My contacts believe something big is in the works. Our friend Nasiri has apparently been chosen for a 'holy task' sometime in the near future. We do not have the whole story, but we do believe it will take place in Britain. Apparently they believed that the college students, who were the original target at Trafalgar Square that day, were diverted because they were not important enough in the eyes of Allah. They want a prominent political figure. My contact believes it is our new secretary of state."

Jack sat forward on his seat. He started to speak but then stopped.

They all looked at him.

"Our new secretary of state will visit Number 10 Downing Street in March." Jack sat his drink down. "It has to be March 20."

Nelson stood and walked to his bar. "The question is, how do they know about the trip? Her itinerary is not public knowledge."

AJ looked at Jack. "How do you know this, Jack – Blaisdell?"

Jack was silent. He did not work with the Company. He would not disclose even to his closest friends who he worked for, not for anyone.

"Gentlemen, I have never said I worked for the Company, and Blaisdell did not give me this information."

Tom raised his eyebrows. "The Company is not aware of this?"

Nelson piped in, "You'd be surprised what the Company doesn't know."

"Look, Blaisdell is not necessarily a bad guy in this; he did help us locate Nasiri. I know they are using him to get to someone, a very high value target. I don't want to get in anyone's way, but I am not going to sit on my hands while Nasiri builds another bomb and kills more innocent people."

Nelson was silent for a moment. He knew why Nasiri was being allowed to move about freely. He had known for some time. He also knew who Jack worked for and admired his discretion. He knew that the so called 'high value target' was...Asa al Hundu, long suspected to have direct involvement in the preparation for the 9/11 hijackings. His superiors had to be notified. If they were not careful he could slip through their fingers and they would lose both Nasiri and al Hundu.

AJ spoke. "This is getting more complicated by the minute. I am in this to help in any way I can to see justice done for a friend and colleague. I think it would be wise to step carefully. We warned Harm to let the authorities take care of this."

AJ looked at Jack. "I think the same should apply to us. It's one thing to identify the bomber, and follow the progress of the authorities in his capture; it is another to involve ourselves personally."

Nelson stood and walked toward the window behind his desk and looked out. "I can assure you, AJ, no one here is working outside government channels." He looked at Jack. "I know that for a fact."

Jack needed to make a phone call. He didn't have time to socialize anymore. Suddenly things were deadly serious. He wasn't sure what his superiors knew and there was only one way to find out.

0700

Baghdad time

16 February

Baghdad International Airport

Baghdad, Iraq

The plane carrying Harm and Gunny had just lifted off of the runway. As the plane ascended, Harm looked out of the window. He watched as Baghdad became smaller and smaller until it became what looked like a patch in the desert. He thought for a moment of the contrast, the brown desert with the patch of city with the blue of the Chesapeake Bay and the green of Virginia and Maryland. He closed his eyes and put his head back; letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Home. He was going home, to his life, to Mac.

Gunny sat across the aisle from him. He saw the commander lean back. "Ready to go home, sir?"

"Yes, I am." He opened his eyes and looked at Gunny. This trip had been pretty tough on him too, though he knew Gunny would die before he ever admitted it. "You know, Gunny, I want you to know I appreciate what you did back there." Harm paused for a moment and looked down. "The day Major Hanson was killed."

Gunny was serious. "Not at all, sir. I was just doing my job."

"I know I shouldn't have hesitated. I could have gotten us both killed." Harm was still going over the incident in his mind.

"Sir, if I may, that's not how I saw it at all. You wanted to give Major Hanson a chance to come home to his family. I just think he knew something that you didn't; he knew he wasn't going to make it." Gunny had seen the look before – more than once – of a mortally wounded man who knew he was going to die.

Harm nodded, and extended his hand to Gunny, who shook it. "Thanks, Gunny."

"You're welcome, sir."

Harm leaned back in his seat, closed his eyes and heard the words the major had said. "I'm going…I know it…" Harm's eyes snapped open and he opened his briefcase. He needed to think about something else. He would catch up on his sleep later.

Gunny was lost in thought as well, remembering the conversation just before the RPG hit. The major was still beaming with pride about his family and asking Gunny about his life. 'Confirmed bachelor, huh?' He hoped he would not always be a bachelor. Just now it occurred to him that being alone was not something he wanted to do any more. He had been thinking about this for some time and it was past time to do something about it. How hard could it be to ask someone out? He was a Marine, for God's sake.

0030

18 February

Harm and Mac's apartment

North of Union Station

Harm quietly slipped his key back out of the door after he opened it, and flipped on the small lamp beside the door. Taking off his overcoat, he hung it on the peg near the door and pulled his tie loose from his neck. He didn't want to wake Mac; he hoped she would stay asleep at least until he slipped into bed beside her. Dreams of doing just that had been with him for the last day and a half. He slipped his shoes off and removed his tie as he walked quietly toward their bedroom. Harm looked up to find Mac watching him.

He stopped short, startled for a moment. "Hi."

Mac saw love and what she could have sworn was a little bit of wonder in his expression. She stood at the top of the steps, her hair beautifully disheveled, her body full and lush looking under her silk pajamas.

She spoke, "Hello, Sailor."

Her sleepy sexy voice wrapped around his head, shooting sparks all the way down his spine. Harm walked swiftly to her, wrapping his arms around her waist. He had pulled her shirt up and her waistband down as he pulled her toward him so that he could lay his cheek against her stomach. He kissed her smooth skin there, and then stepped up the steps, lifting her as he went. Mac's body slid down his and he kissed her as she wrapped her legs around his waist. Harm nearly forced her mouth open with his own; he was so hungry to taste the flavor that was distinctly Mac. Her body was warm and firm under his hands and if it was possible Harm would have sworn her skin was softer than he remembered.

He broke the kiss. "Mac…"

His need for her was immediate and so intense that he nearly fell to his knees. He nipped at her bottom lip before plunging down to her neck and tasting it with hot open mouthed kisses that nearly took her breath away.

Mac continued to cling to him tightly. She ran her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck and whispered his name into his ear before she took the lobe between her teeth.

Harm inhaled sharply. "Baby…God, let me…"

He kissed her deeply again as he laid her carefully down on the bed. He needed to lay her down while he could still stand. She slid her hands down his chest, smoothly unbuttoning his shirt.

He broke the kiss. "Baby ...you're killing me."

Harm ground himself against her. His body was calling out to hers on a primal level – he needed her like the air he breathed.

She brought both hands up on each side of his face and nipped his top and bottom lip. It was as though she had read his mind. She looked him directly in the eye.

"Love me, Harm." She kissed him hungrily. "Now."

What was left of Harm's clothing and Mac's pajamas was quickly dispensed with. Mac pulled Harm down between her legs and he framed her face between his forearms.

"I wanted to take my time. You're so beautiful, Mac." He tasted her lips and looked at her through eyes half closed and dark with desire.

Mac arched her body beneath him, straining to get closer. She opened her mouth to deepen her kiss, drawing him in further.

He couldn't believe how ready she was for him. They came together slowly; Harm was trying to control himself, and he did not want to hurt her. Her body was so wet and tight and warm, it felt like the sweetest torture to take it so slowly. He trailed kisses along her jaw line to her temple and back down.

Mac was still clinging to him tightly – she could feel him holding back. He was nearly holding his breath and his body was trembling with need.

"You're not going to hurt me ….please don't hold back." She took his bottom lip and nipped him slightly with her teeth. "Please….."

With that all of his control snapped and a low growl rumbled from deep in his chest. He plunged his hands into her hair and tasted the sweet skin where her shoulder met her neck. Every breath he heard her take, every sound she made caused every nerve ending in his body to hum with pleasure.

Mac felt her release coiling low in her body; she wanted him to let go and go over the edge with her. No matter how many times they made love, it never ceased to thrill her that he found that much pleasure in her. He had seemed so elusive for so long, but now he was hers on a level she never thought possible.

Harm felt his control slipping. He plunged both hands down, cupping her bottom, tilting her body just so, kicking up the pleasure a notch for both of them, if that was possible.

He closed his lips around her ear lobe and growled "…let it go, baby." As he spoke, Mac felt her body tighten around him as she flushed warm with release as they let go together.

Sometime later she lay still tucked under him, his arms and body framing her securely underneath. He raised his head and gave her a lopsided grin.

Mac chuckled softly. "Well, hello to you, too."

He kissed her cheek. "Hello." He looked at her through half closed eyes. "You taste so good." He tasted her neck again, reawakening every nerve ending in her body.

"So do you." She rested her hands low on his back.

He raised his head, suddenly concerned. "Am I too heavy?"

"No, my stomach just feels a little tighter down there. I love the feeling of our baby between us." She smiled up at him.

"I love you." He kissed her temple.

She touched his arm and looked into his eyes. "I love you too."

TBC


	22. Chapter 22

Will You Always Be There?

Chapter 60

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters…They belong to Belasarius productions that hold them hostage and make them do their evil bidding...smile.

I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story.

Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything up to and including the current episode is fair game. Any spoiler floating around out there may be loosely referred to.

A/N: Many thanks to aerogirl for her beta reading skills and excellent input.

1200

Saturday

February 19

Gunny Galindez's apartment

Alexandria, Virginia

Gunny lay stretched out across his bed. He was vaguely aware of sunlight in the room through his closed eyelids. What time was it, anyway? He opened one eye and saw the digital clock at his bedside table. Twelve noon? He groaned audibly and got up from his bed.

He had stripped out of his uniform and fallen into bed as soon as he walked in the door last night. He walked to the mirror, squinting at himself. He flinched; God… he looked rough today. Splashing cold water on his face, and carrying his towel with him, he padded into his sparsely decorated living room and kitchen. Gunny was definitely a no frills man. He filled the carafe with water and got out the coffee more from memory than sight. A benefit of no frills lifestyle: you knew exactly were everything was.

After the coffee had brewed Gunny stood looking out his window onto the street. He lived on the second floor of his apartment building. He was jet lagged pretty badly this time and, if he would have admitted it, damn sore…all over. As he poured his second cup, he heard a car door slam, and he looked up just in time to see Jen get out of her car. He saw her glance at his truck in its parking place. As he slowly put down his coffee cup, it dawned on him that he was standing there in nothing but his underwear. He made a dash for his bedroom and pulled on a pair of jeans.

The door bell sounded. "Just a minute." 'Great,' Gunny thought. 'I haven't even shaved.' He grabbed a shirt out of his closet and pulled it on over his head. It was a black long sleeved t-shirt. He opened the door.

Jen stood in the doorway. "Hey, Gunny." She couldn't believe how glad she was to see him.

"Hello, Jen…." He just stood there, taking her in. She was wearing her 'I'm only 18' expression today. She looked all wide eyed and innocent; her hair was down around her shoulders.

Jen frowned slightly. "I guess I could have waited 'till Monday to say hello, but I just drove by to see if you'd gotten in yet."

Silence.

"Look…I'm sorry…I'll just see you Monday." She looked as though he had slapped her.

Gunny came to himself. "No...No, Jen, come in…I'm jet lagged…I just got up."

Jen was surprised. "You slept 'till noon?"

"Yeah, I just made coffee…do you want some? It's not Starbucks, but I make a good cup of coffee." He was beginning to be able to make conversation. 'Wake up, Galindez!' he thought.

"I think I'll pass. I've sampled your coffee at the office." Jen folded her arms across her chest. She hadn't seen Victor like this before. He was always sharp; she was usually the one trying to keep up.

He didn't answer her, but instead just walked back into his kitchen to get his coffee.

Jen watched him, and as she did, she realized how much she had missed him. She blushed at the thought.

"So…when did you get in last night?"

Gunny came back into the room and took a drink of his coffee. "Around midnight."

Jen noticed that he hadn't shaved. She stepped closer, looking at his face more intently.

Gunny stroked his beard self-consciously. "I know... I need a shave."

"I thought you might want to go grab something to eat. I bet you don't have anything in the apartment. It'll be my treat."

"That would be great…just let me shave and we'll get going." Gunny took his kit from his sea bag and took it into the bathroom. He pulled his shirt off and started filling the sink with hot water.

Jen walked around the living room and kitchen. The apartment was small, but just right for one person. There were no pictures on the walls. The furniture was large, made of soft brown leather. A couch and a chair, tables made of oak, stained dark to accent the other furniture. He had a large flat-screen television, and two crates with DVDs and CDs sat on each side of it. He had lamps on each end table but nothing else. No pictures, no decorations of any kind. He didn't even have a brag wall, with all his awards, something Jen had been sure he would have.

"Haven't you finished moving in yet, Gunny?" Jen asked absently. She walked toward the open bathroom door.

"Nah, not yet. I just have the necessities; most of it is still in storage. I haven't been home much, and when I am, I'm not the kind of person who likes to hang around my apartment."

Gunny had shaving cream on his face; he was tilting his head back and had begun shaving his neck.

Jen walked to the doorway of the bathroom. "I know what you mean. I..."

Gunny was standing in front of the sink in his jeans and bare feet. In his rush to dress he hadn't buttoned the top button of his jeans. Jen knew she should say something…anything.

"I hate hanging around the apartment all weekend, too. I 'd rather be out."

She was determined to look at Gunny in the eye and not be distracted by how strong his body looked. He was in a lot better shape than she had given him credit for, his six pack firmly in place just above those open jeans. She decided she'd better walk back into the living room and talk from there. She was afraid her eyes would give her away. As she turned, she noticed a deep scratch with a bit of bruising starting on his lower back and snaking around his side.

"What happened here, Gunny?" Jen lightly touched the scratch, and Gunny flinched. "Oh…I'm sorry."

"It's okay. It doesn't really hurt – I just wasn't expecting you to…." Gunny turned around to look at her. He still had bits of shaving cream on his face. "Touch me."

Out of nowhere the air was electric. Their eyes locked, attraction pulled at both of them suddenly.

"What happened?" Jen's voice was soft, almost a whisper.

"It was when we got hit with that RPG. I'm sure you heard about it. There was a firefight; I got a bit of a scratch below my body armor on the way back to the compound."

Gunny's eyes hardened for a moment. It was an old reflex. When he thought about things like that, he had learned to put it away somewhere in his mind and close the door on it. It wasn't an easy task, but it was doable. It helped him do his job; he believed it made him a good Marine.

Jen had heard about the firefight. She also knew that Gunny was being considered for a commendation for his conduct in that situation.

"I heard."

"Not a lot gets by you, does it, Jen?"

He grinned and tapped her nose with a bit of shaving cream. He needed to lighten the mood. Talking about this was still difficult; besides that, her closeness and the pull between them made him feel vulnerable, and he wasn't ready for that.

"Hey!" She grabbed a towel from the rack and wiped it away. "Just for that, Victor, you're buying."

She turned on her heel and walked back into the living room. 'Whew,' she thought, then for reasons she couldn't explain, she remembered something she saw when she first looked at Victor standing at the sink. 'Hanes…the waistband of his underwear said…Hanes.' Well, he definitely wasn't a boxer man. The question was…were they just briefs…or were they boxer briefs?

"You ready?" Gunny had finished dressing and reentered the room, standing just a couple of feet behind her.

Jennifer was startled and turned quickly around, her face flushing red at what she had been thinking.

"...yeah, let's go."

With that Jen walked around him and toward the door. Shaking his head, Gunny grabbed his coat, and they walked out of his apartment door, locking it behind him.

1330

Saturday

February 19

Harm and Mac's Apartment

North of Union Station

Harm sat in the corner of the couch, waiting for Mac to bring him his promised, though belated, Valentines gift. Mac carried a small bag that was deep green in color with gold paper inside. Harm recognized the bag; it was from the jewelry store they had bought their wedding rings from.

"What's this?" He sat up and she handed him the bag. Inside the bag was a small envelope which Harm opened. The front of the card was a picture of a smiling woman roughly sketched with hearts floating all around her. Harm opened the card and it read: 'When I count my blessings I always count you twice. Happy Valentines Day. Love, Mac.'

He smiled and leaned forward and kissed her lightly. "Thank you."

He opened the box. It held a tie clasp. It had a thin bar centered upon it, with an opal at each end of the bar. In the center was a ruby. There was space on each side of the ruby. Harm looked at her, slightly puzzled.

"Your birthstone and mine, with room for our children on each side."

Mac blushed a bit...she was afraid she sounded corny all of a sudden.

"There are two opals….because I counted you twice." She looked away, feeling self conscious.

Harm put his gift on the coffee table and gathered her into his arms. She turned into them immediately.

"Thank you – it's perfect." He kissed her hair.

"But… children? Just how many do you want to have, Mrs. Rabb?" He leaned back teasing her with his smile.

"I know we may just be able to have one naturally. I just want to get through this with one healthy baby and my own health intact. Even if we can only have one this way, I want to adopt other children."

She looked into his eyes and skimmed the tips of her fingers through his hair. "I know you're going to be a good father, Harm. I'm looking forward to raising -children- with you." She kissed him. "I have something else for you."

She reached for a manila envelope on the coffee table and handed it to Harm. "You really outdid yourself this time, Mac." He smiled and opened the envelope, reaching in to pull out what he recognized immediately as a ultrasound picture, very similar to the one he had seen in Major Hanson's file. He looked up at her with such a look of wonder and something else….a sweetness that she could not name. "Is this – ?"

Mac finished his sentence for him. "Our baby….I had it done yesterday morning, just before you came home."

"You're okay?"

"I'm fine, everything is fine." Mac reassured him.

Harm had turned back to look at the picture. There wasn't a lot to see that really looked like a baby. A circle had been drawn around the area where the baby was, but Harm was totally fascinated just the same. He turned to look back at her and then leaned forward to place the picture back on the coffee table.

In almost one fluid motion he scooped her up in his arms and carried her to their bedroom. He laid her on her back and lay down beside her. He splayed his hand flat against her lower stomach and after a long moment slipped his hand beneath the waist of her lounging pajamas so that he could feel her skin and the tight little ball just underneath.

He looked up at her, giving her that soft, almost sleepy look that she loved. He returned his attention to the place where there baby was growing, brushing his cheek against it. Harm curled his body around her with his head resting on her.

Mac raked her fingers softly through his hair, and Harm drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. He hadn't said a word since he looked at the picture; he didn't have to. Mac felt a peace that she'd never thought she would experience. This wasn't a moment to die for…it was a moment to live for. A moment she'd thought might never come.

1645

February 24

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Lieutenant Commander Faith Coleman sat at her desk. She had finished her closing arguments and they were awaiting the verdict. It had been a long week for her. In the beginning she had not been convinced of Commander Lucy Maron's innocence, but as she researched her case and interviewed PFC Kilpatrick's friends and fellow Marines, she felt she had a more accurate picture of what had happened. The platoon leader's testimony had been particularly damning, but she was able to rebut his testimony with witnesses of her own. She was sure the members would rule in her favor.

She was pulled from her thoughts by a knock on her open door. "The members are back."

Faith nodded stood and followed Mike out of the bullpen. They were usually all business when they were opposing one another in a case, but she seemed quieter than usual. Something was up; he just didn't know what it was.

They took their seats with Mac at the bench. "Commander Lucy Maron, will you and your counsel please rise?" Mac turned to the senior member of the panel. "Captain, you may publish your findings."

"Commander Lucy Maron, United States Navy, on the charges and specifications of dereliction of duty, this court martial finds you not guilty."

"This court is adjourned." Mac rapped the gavel, closing the case.

Commander Maron turned to Faith and shook her hand. "Thank you so much, Commander."

Faith looked at her directly. "You're welcome, Commander Maron."

Faith turned toward the aisle as Commander Maron turned back to the seats where her husband and family waited.

"Well, it looks like I'm buying this time." Mike looked at her, grinning sheepishly.

"That won't be necessary, Major." She walked swiftly down the aisle and out of the courtroom.

Mike frowned and followed her out of the courtroom. He was going to find out what was up with her if it was the last thing he did.

Faith opened the doors on the bullpen and walked swiftly toward her office with Mike right behind her. She turned to close the door, but Mike followed too closely to allow her to do so.

"May I talk with you a moment, Commander?" He closed the door behind him.

"What do you mean, it won't be necessary?"

"I just don't want you to feel obligated." She was still not making eye contact with him.

"Faith, I know you haven't known me for a very long time, but when have you known me to do something I don't want to do, outside of a direct order?"

She looked at him. He was smiling at her again, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

"So…where do you want to go?"

Faith knew she had been beaten…besides, she also knew he was just trying to be nice. "McMurphy's is fine." She thought to herself, 'What could go wrong?'

"Great. I'll follow you to your apartment and we can get ready there. I brought my sea bag." Mike was gone before she had a chance to answer him.

1700

Mac's Office

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Mac sat back in her chair. She had just turned off her computer. She was sleepy all of a sudden. She laid her head down on her desk atop her folded arms. A knock at her door startled her.

"Hey….you okay?" Harm stood in her doorway, his brow furrowed with concern.

"I'm fine…just a bit sleepy." She yawned, covering her mouth. "I just need food and my bed."

"Oh… I think I can help you out with both of those things. And that's -our- bed, Mrs. Rabb." Harm walked further into her office and closed the door.

"Are you finished for the day?" She rocked back in her chair, crossing her legs.

"Yeah, I just left Judge Helfman's office. Bud needs a continuance on a case I'm helping him with. My case load has been pretty light this week." Harm leaned against a book case near her door and he watched as a slow sly smile spread across Mac's face. What was she up to?

Mac arched her back and locked her fingers behind her head. She waited just three seconds before seeing the reaction she wanted.

"Harm?"

He was somewhere else for a moment. He was at home, with her long beautiful legs in another position entirely.

Mac smiled slyly. "Harmon…are you ready?"

Harm's eyes locked with hers. "…Yeah."

Mac uncrossed her legs slowly and stood up. She crossed the room to where Harm was standing and looked him directly in the eye.

"I guess we're ready to go, then." She placed her hand on the inside of his arm and gently guided him into turning toward the door.

"Yeah…I…have to get my cover." He was already on his way home as far as he was concerned.

Mac picked up her coat and Harm took it from her. She slipped into it as he held it for her, his hands resting for just a second at the closure in the front of her coat. Mac walked out and he followed her for a quick trip to his office.

'Please God; I don't want to run into Creswell on our way out.' He did not.

They were finished there for the day and they began what was a very interesting trip home.

1445

London time

February 25

Heathrow International Airport

London, England

Aziz Nasiri was waiting in line to go through customs. He had completed a successful mission that had taken him from Britain to Germany, through Ireland and back again to London. He was able to secure three of the five components needed to construct the explosive device he was to use on his 'holy task.'

He was confident that he would get through customs inspections without a problem. The components were sewn into the frame of his suitcase. They would not be detected even if they searched his bag thoroughly. He had used both of his valid passports, the one in which he was Kevin Donlon and also the one which carried his own name. He had finished his trip with a leisurely vacation in Ireland. He had met no one there; he didn't see the necessity of waiting, but his mentor al Hundu had been correct. They must arouse no suspicion.

He was surprised when he met with his contact in Berlin; their organization was much larger than even he suspected. American arrogance had given them many allies. It was just a matter of time now. He was anxious to get back to Oldham to speak with his mentor. He had much to tell him and was sure he would be happy to hear about what he had learned in Germany.

0930

Eastern Standard Time

February 25

CIA headquarters

Langley, Virginia

Blaisdell replaced the handset on his phone. He had just spoken to his contact with MI-6 in London. Aziz Nasiri had used both of his passports in the last ten days.

Something was coming up, something big…he could smell it. He sat back in his chair and turned it around to face his window. He suddenly thought of Jack Keeter and remembered that he had not heard from him in over a month. This could mean one of two things. Either he had his own source of information, or he or perhaps Rabb was already working on this on their own. Blaisdell didn't care for either prospect. He dialed his phone number.

"Jack?"

"Blaisdell? What can I do for you?"

"I think I may have some information that you may find useful." Blaisdell suspected that if he gave Jack some of what he had, Jack might be an additional source of information.

"Fine, 1300 okay?"

"Great – see you then." With that, Blaisdell ended the call.

Jack closed his cell phone. "He wants to see me. Says he has some information for me." He raised his eyebrows at his guest.

AJ sat on a barstool in Jack's kitchen. "He just wants to find out what you know."

"I know, but I can handle him and he may have something I can use." Jack walked into his kitchen and took a glass from inside his cabinet.

"Have you heard anything from Rabb yet?"

"No... not yet. I did get an invitation to an engagement party from Mac. Poor Sturgis is going to take the plunge." Jack snorted.

"Yeah, we got our invitation yesterday." AJ watched as Jack reached for a bottle of bourbon that was on his kitchen counter.

"What are you doing, Jack? It's not even 1000 and you're pouring yourself a bourbon?"

AJ stood and walked around the counter.

"Are you trying to kill yourself?" He was incredulous. "Put it down…and that's an order."

Jack smirked. "Why, AJ…I didn't know you cared."

AJ laughed in spite of himself. "Shut the hell up. You and I are going to get something for breakfast…besides bourbon."

Jack screwed the cap back on the bottle without pouring any in his glass. "I don't know, AJ...Wild Turkey…the breakfast of champions." He put it down and followed AJ to the door.

AJ threw him a sidelong glance. "Let's go."

1330

Sunday

February 27

Mike McBurney's apartment

Alexandria, Virginia

Mike lay on his couch, staring at the telephone on the end table. He had been thinking about calling Faith all day. Things had been strained between them since Thursday night, to say the least. She had spoken to him Friday, but never more than common courtesy and not more than one or two words at a time. She was acting the way she had before they had become friends. He was almost back to not being able to read her at all. He picked up the phone and dialed her number. She answered on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Faith?...Hi…I was wondering…do you want to go get a cup of coffee?" Disgustedly, he thought, "Smooth, McBurney, just blurt it out.'

Faith was silent for a moment. She felt better than she had on Friday, and she did owe him an explanation. She had worked in her apartment all weekend, reorganizing every room. She felt more in control of herself. Mike was just trying to be her friend. He was one of the few she had ever had in her life.

"Faith, are you there?" Mike thought she might have already hung up.

"I'm still here, Michael."

Mike let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. They were still friends; she was still calling him Michael. He didn't know why that was so important to him, but it was.

"So how about I pick you up in an hour? We'll go to Starbucks – I'll even buy."

"Why don't I just meet you there?" She wasn't ready to have him here again, not even at her door.

Mike understood immediately. "Okay, see you in an hour." She still needed space.

As Mike drove to meet her, he went over the events of last Thursday, trying to figure out what he had done to cause her to clam up like she did. He had followed her to her apartment. He had gone into the bathroom to change into his civvies, and when he came out Faith was dressed and waiting. She'd had her back to him, looking out the window. He'd walked up behind her and said her name. She'd turned around quickly; he'd thought he had just startled her at first, and then he'd seen the look of sheer terror on her face.

She had quickly walked around him and picked up her coat, saying she was ready to go. He had followed her out of the apartment, and as they rode down the elevator he noticed a light sheen of sweat across her forehead. For the rest of the night, conversation was stilted at best.

He pulled up in front of the coffee shop and parked next to Faith's car. When he got out, he saw her sitting in the window. She saw him and nodded a greeting. He noticed she had ordered for him. He walked up to the table. "Mocha?"

"Yes, I thought I might as well order for you." She smiled at him shyly.

Mike sat down and took her olive branch in the form of a cup of coffee. "I love this stuff."

"I know…I do too. When I drink it, it's like a hug." Faith realized she had thought out loud and blushed furiously.

"I never thought of it like that."

Faith continued to blush. "I don't suppose you would…you're a Marine. I'm surprised it's not 'coffee black.'"

"No, that would be Gunny…he's just not into the Starbucks, latte, espresso thing." Mike smiled, remembering their conversation.

"I know I owe you an explanation, Michael." She was still staring at her coffee cup.

"You don't –owe- me anything, Faith. I'm just concerned – I'm your friend and I can tell that something is going on. I just want to help."

Faith nodded her head. "I know…I know. First of all, I want you to know you didn't do anything wrong at my apartment the other night. It's just that I….well…" This was harder for her than she'd thought it would be.

"Look, you don't have to talk about this if it makes you uncomfortable." Mike was beginning to suspect something terrible and he didn't know if he could handle it well. He suddenly felt very protective of her. Her armor was down; he wasn't used to seeing her this way.

"I want to do this…okay? You're my friend; I don't want to be this way, not with you."

She continued, "I haven't had anyone in my apartment in a very long time. Actually no one but me has been in it since I moved in."

Mike looked at her questioningly.

"This sounds like I'm some kind of basket case. I'm not." Faith was getting exasperated, and she hadn't even begun to explain.

"Is it about the OCD?" He spoke carefully, not wanting to offend her.

Faith sighed. "In a way. I've had some counseling about this; that is why I know as much as I do about it. Order is the way I control my environment. It started with little things as a child. It was the way I handled stress, the way I still handle stress."

Mike waited quietly.

Faith forged ahead, trying to make her story as generic as she could.

"Sometime ago, years really, I had a bad experience with someone in my apartment. It made my need for order more extreme. Being alone in my apartment makes me feel safe. I didn't even think about it until you were changing clothes, and then I thought I could just hang on until you were ready and we would leave…but when you walked up behind me…it all came back. The case last week didn't help – dealing with Commanders Maron's practice as a psychiatrist. It's really complicated, Michael…I don't think I could explain it all, not in one day, anyway."

Mike frowned, thinking of what to say next. He wanted to ask her, 'What bad experience?' Had she been raped? What? He looked at her, waiting for her to continue.

"That's all, really…I just wanted you to know...that the way things have been over the last week have not been your fault. It's just me." She studied his face, trying to gauge his reaction.

It was still light outside. He didn't want to go home yet; he still felt the need to know more than he did. "Do you feel like taking a walk?"

Faith looked out the window. It was turning into a beautiful evening; warmer, though it was the end of February. "All right."

They walked together down the sidewalk. He took her hand and put it into the crook of his arm. "Is this okay?"

Faith was touched; he was trying so hard not to do the wrong thing. "Okay."

They had walked around the city block and were heading back to their cars. "Faith…out in California. You know, when we were at TJ's. I didn't even think…" He stopped in front of her car.

"Michael, it's okay." She was searching his face, trying to figure out where this remorse was coming from.

Mike sighed…he had to ask. "Faith…the bad experience you had...it wasn't –?"

Faith understood. "No, no…it wasn't. I just…can't really talk about it." It had not been rape...it had just been another experience that made her close her self off more than she ever had before.

Mike was so relieved. When he remembered kissing her while they were in California, he wanted it to remain a good memory. It had been fun – they had laughed together, and he had never seen her more relaxed. It was important for some reason that he not lose that.

On an impulse Faith leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Thank you, Michael."

Mike stepped back from her and smiled his most charming smile. "You're welcome."

He turned to walk back to his car and tripped over a piece of uneven pavement. Mike heard Faith trying to cover her laughter.

"Hey…what can I say? Comic relief."

Mike and Faith returned to their respective apartments with their friendship intact.

Chapter 61

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything up to Bridging the Gulf. Any spoilers floating around out there are fair game.

A/N: This was is lighter and fluffier than usual. I needed the respite from the intensity of the week from hell. Hope you enjoy it. (This was the week we all found our DJE was not going to come back next season even if JAG was renewed.)

1545

Friday

March 4

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Bud sat at his desk facing his computer. He was putting the finishing touches on the paperwork closing his case. It was over before it got started, much to his relief. Gunny knocked on the frame of his door.

"Enter." He looked up.

"Sir." Gunny stood at attention.

"At ease, Gunny."

"Petty Officer Coates said you wanted to see me."

"Yes, Gunny – have a seat."

Gunny sat down in the chair in front of his desk.

"I want to thank you for your help with the Thomas case. What you were able to uncover helped exonerate my client."

"You're welcome, sir." Gunny had simply made a few well placed phone calls.

He had gotten access to some medical records which indicated that Mrs. Miles had been hospitalized a number of times while her husband was out to sea. The ER personnel suspected abuse but Mrs. Miles would never confirm it.

When Bud had questioned her about it, she broke down. It seemed that Mrs. Miles had acquired a boyfriend while Petty Officer Miles was stationed aboard the Lincoln, a boyfriend who had abused her in the past. He had beaten her severely the last time in retaliation for not cooperating in a plot to kill her husband. The plot would have required her to act when he transferred to Dam Neck. It backfired when Mrs. Miles refused to follow through. The state's attorney was filing conspiracy to commit murder charges against her boyfriend, and ET1 Miles Thomas was free and was filing for divorce.

"There is another matter I would like to discuss with you…" Bud got up and closed the door.

Gunny came out of Bud's office about 20 minutes later with a perplexed look on his face. Jen noticed and got up from her desk and followed him to his.

"What's going on, Gunny?"

Gunny just shook his head. "I'll tell you sometime."

Jen smirked. "How about now?"

Gunny looked up at her. "How about dinner?" His eyebrows were drawn down but he still had a smile on his face.

Jen hadn't been expecting that one. She was quiet for a moment. She had been hoping he would ask her out. This was a date, wasn't it?

Gunny looked almost panicked. She was too quiet.

"You mean like a date?"

He looked up at her and narrowed his eyes. "Yeah, I think so – what do you say?"

Jen turned toward her desk and said over her shoulder. "I say….okay."

1930

Friday

March 4

McMurphy's Bar and Grill

Georgetown

Harm and Mac sat a table with Harriet and Bud. Harriet was enjoying her first night out in quite a while. Her parents were in town and they had graciously offered to stay with the children, allowing a short outing for Harriet. She had not been very happy about leaving the kids with her mother, but she knew her father could handle the children and her mother for a couple of hours.

"I can't remember the last time I was here." Harriet was looking around the room. There had been a few changes…it looked less like the smoky bar they used to come to when she first came to JAG. Now it was non-smoking with a sports bar feel to it.

Harriet had agreed to help Mac plan Sturgis and Varise's engagement party.

"I appreciate your coming and helping me with the last minute details. I want this party to go off without a hitch."

They were planning to have just close friends attend. They had all been so busy that they hadn't had a chance to celebrate Sturgis and Varise's engagement.

"You and Bud will be able to make it, won't you?"

"I wouldn't miss it."

Harriet didn't know how to act. The party was on the 11th; that would make two Fridays in a row that she would be out with grown-ups. She couldn't help smiling at the thought.

Harm stood up and nodded toward Bud. "If you ladies will excuse us, it's time for me to beat the commander here at a game of pool. You up for it, Bud?"

"Sure." He stood and followed Harm to the pool table.

Mac and Harriet resumed their conversation, and Bud and Harm played a couple of games of pool. True to his word, Harm won both times. He looked across the bar and was surprised to see Major McBurney sitting in a booth with a very attractive lady.

Bud looked in the direction Harm had been. Bud recognized Mike's companion right away.

"Wow, who knew?"

Harm frowned. "What?"

"Commander Coleman certainly looks different out of uniform."

Harm took a few steps ahead of Bud to look more closely. He looked back at Bud with a mischievous grin on his face.

"I wonder how long this has been going on."

Bud, ever the voice of reason, said, "They may just be discussing a case, sir."

Harm looked at him. "Bud, you go over a case at home with files all over the floor eating pizza. You don't go out…looking like that." Faith Coleman really was an attractive woman.

"Looking like what?" Mac and Harriet had decided to join them at the pool table.

Harm got his deer in the headlights look.

"What are you two up to?" She knew that look. She looked across the bar and saw what they had.

"I didn't know they were seeing each other. That's kind of nice."

Harm looked at her with raised eyebrows. "I don't know, Mac. They work together."

They all looked at Harm, who got the irony of what he had said immediately. He smiled sheepishly. "I suppose I'm not the one who should be giving that argument am I?"

Mac tucked herself beneath his arm and hugged him close. "No, I don't think so."

"We're going to have to get going. I don't want to tempt fate and leave my parents alone too long with their grandchildren." Harriet didn't know who she was more worried about at this point, her children or her father.

"Yeah, we have to go too. I'm sleepy and it's only 2100." Mac yawned.

"Get all the sleep you can, ma'am. You're going to need it." They all laughed at that and made their way to the door.

Harm couldn't resist the chance to needle McBurney a bit. They passed their table on their way out. "Hello, Major, evening out?"

Mike looked up, startled. "Commander Rabb, you know Commander Coleman." He said it almost too quickly.

Faith didn't have time to hide her reaction. Shock and panic would have been a pretty accurate description.

"Commander," she said automatically, hoping against hope to move them along toward the door. The trick was to make no small talk and make as little eye contact as possible. She looked across the table at Michael, thinking that he might help her out here.

She needn't have worried; Harm kept the conversation going. "You know Commander Roberts; I don't believe you've met his wife."

Harm went on with the introductions. Faith could see Michael in her peripheral vision. He was starting to see the humor in this situation and he began to smile more broadly as he spoke with the commander. If he embarrassed her she was going to kill him.

Harm looked from Mike to Faith, waiting for more of the story, but he was being nudged along by his wife. Faith knew there was a reason that she liked Colonel Rabb. They exchanged pleasantries as they left with Bud and Harriet following closely behind them.

Mac pinched Harm lightly on the back.

"Stop giving them a hard time, Rabb. Have a little mercy – we were there once."

She looked back over her shoulder; remembering and thanking God those days were over.

2345

March 4

Friday

Gunny's Apartment

Alexandria, Virginia

Gunny lay on his back in the center of his bed in a tangle of sheets and blankets. He was tired but his mind would not stop going over the events of the day. He and Jen had had a great time. Dinner was good; thank God Jen shared his penchant for the perfect steak. They danced, which was even better.

For a long time he had not allowed himself to get too close in their friendship. Tonight things had shifted and he didn't know how he felt about it. If he were honest he would say he felt a little foolish. Jen was younger than him, beautiful, and as far as he was concerned could have any man she wanted. What was she doing with an old broken down Marine like him?

Holding her while they danced was amazing; she fit into his arms as though she were made for him. At one point he rested his cheek against hers losing himself in the feel of her body so close to his. He pulled back slightly and looked down into her eyes… he had almost kissed her when he came to himself and looked away.

He didn't want to presume anything. It wasn't like being with anyone else. He worked with her; they saw each other every day. If he screwed this up, it would ruin everything, and being back at JAG meant too much to him to screw that up now.

His conversation with Commander Roberts had been enlightening, to say the least. What was this with the officers at JAG? Did they all feel this responsibility toward Jen? He thought for a moment that the commander was going to ask him what his intentions were.

The phone rang, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"Galindez." A call this late had to be work related.

"Victor?" Jen had given up the battle she had been fighting with herself since she had come home from their date and called him.

"Jen? What's up?"

"I just wanted to talk to you for a moment. I didn't wake you, did I?"

"No, I was having trouble falling asleep anyway."

"I just need to ask you something."

"So ask." Gunny hoped he didn't sound short with her. There was no taking the Marine out of the man most of the time.

"Did you have a good time tonight?" Jen thought she sounded like a kid; she didn't know how to begin this conversation. They had been having a great time, but after they danced and he had nearly kissed her he had gotten quieter and seemed to back off from her.

"Yeah, great, why?"

"I just got the feeling something went wrong about halfway through the evening. I wanted to be sure I hadn't done anything to make you uncomfortable."

"No, Jen, you didn't."

She blew out a breath she had nervously been holding. "That's good to hear. I also wanted to ask you, what were you and Commander Roberts talking about this afternoon?"

He should have known she wouldn't let that slide. "I'll tell you, but I don't want you to take any offense with the commander…..agreed?"

"Okay." What was this about? she wondered.

"The commander was just making sure I knew that you had a lot of people at JAG who were concerned with your future. He didn't say anything negative, Jen; I think he was just curious about our relationship." He laughed a bit. "I think he wanted to be sure I had honorable intentions." He continued to smile, thinking of his conversation a couple of months ago with Commander Rabb. Gunny wondered if Jen understood the 'family' she had at JAG.

"Oh." Jen wasn't angry; she was touched. Bud and Harriet were family to her as far as she was concerned. "Does that mean that you aren't going to ask me out anymore?"

Gunny was quiet for a moment.

"Victor?" Jen didn't like the silence.

"Yeah…I'm here." Gunny figured it was time he just laid it on the line. "Look, Jen, to be honest, I feel a little foolish. Here I am, this crusty old Marine, and then there's you – you're young, you're beautiful, so what in the world would you want with me?"

It was Jen's turn to be quiet.

"Jen?" Gunny felt a knot forming in his chest.

"Victor…I think you should let me worry about that…okay?" Jen had been as afraid to go forward as he had been, until tonight.

"Okay?"

Gunny was surprised at how relieved he was. "Okay."

"So…where are you taking me to dinner tomorrow night?"

Gunny smiled, remembering that once Jennifer set her mind on something she didn't beat around the bush. They made plans for the following night, and finally, after ending the phone call, they both got some sleep.

0915

Monday

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm and Sturgis were in the break room immediately after staff call. Major McBurney breezed in a few minutes later. He stopped short when he saw the two commanders, and then continued into the room.

"Major." Harm leaned back on the counter and took a drink of his coffee.

"Sir." The major then nodded toward Sturgis. "Commander Turner."

"So you and Commander Coleman will be going to Oklahoma today?" Harm knew the answer to the question; he just couldn't resist needling McBurney.

"Yes, sir." McBurney poured himself a cup of coffee.

Harm just looked at him, waiting; the silence was beginning to make McBurney uncomfortable. Sturgis just looked on. Harm had told him about seeing him out with Commander Coleman Friday night.

After waiting another moment, Harm started toward the bullpen. "Good luck."

"Yes, sir." McBurney visibly relaxed as Harm left the room. He turned toward Sturgis.

"Will you be leaving this afternoon as well, sir?"

"Yes, I'm just on my way to pick up my travel itinerary." Sturgis would be going to Iraq to investigate an explosion that killed two Marine Reservists. Coleman and McBurney had the sad task of dealing with the fallout in their hometowns.

"I understand congratulations are in order, sir." Mike had heard about Sturgis's engagement from Commander Roberts.

"Thank you, Major – the Rabbs are giving us an engagement party this coming Friday. If we are able to settle this case in a timely manner, that is. Why don't you come by?" Sturgis started walking out of the break room, then turned and said,

"Bring a date…if you like." Sturgis smiled to himself as he walked the rest of the way out. He couldn't let Rabb have all the fun.

1300

March 7

Monday

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Major McBurney had just left Commander Turner's office, making arrangements to coordinate his investigation with his and Faith's. He glanced toward Commander Rabb's office. He just couldn't leave the commander thinking that he and Faith were getting…he didn't know…serious. They were just friends; he didn't want anyone, especially the commander, to get the wrong idea. Faith wasn't the kind of person to…and he wasn't either. As he walked toward Commander Rabb's office, a little voice in his head told him to leave it alone, but he couldn't seem to stop himself. He knocked on the frame of the commander's door.

Harm looked up. "Enter."

"Sir, may I speak with you for a moment?" What the hell was he doing?

""Of course, Major, have a seat." Harm thought that McBurney had the look of someone that was about to stick his foot in his mouth. He knew that state of mind very well.

McBurney sat down. "Sir, I think I need to clear something up."

Harm frowned, appearing not to know what he meant. "Major?"

"The other night…you know, at McMurphy's…Faith and I…I mean, Commander Coleman and I are just friends…we're not dating….or anything."

"Major, I wasn't aware that anyone here thought otherwise." Harm was having a good time with this. He stayed quiet then, allowing just enough time for the major to decide to get himself in a little bit deeper.

"I just wanted to be sure. Commander Coleman and I are good friends and I don't want any wrong impressions to reflect badly on either of us. We are very good friends and I don't want…"

Harm thought it was time to stop him before he embarrassed himself further. He was 'having some mercy,' as Mac had put it.

"No one is under the wrong impression, Major. Anyway, I've made some lifelong friendships here at JAG. I know how valuable they are." He smiled, thinking of one 'friendship' in particular.

At that moment, Mac sailed through his open office door, not realizing that Major McBurney was sitting in front of Harm.

"Hey Sailor…buy your wife some lunch." She looked to her right and saw the major, who stood upon her entrance to the room. "Oh…excuse me."

So much for military decorum. She nodded toward McBurney, greeted "Major," and stepped further into the office, sensing the awkwardness immediately.

Mike looked out of the door and saw Faith walking toward his office. They were just getting ready to leave. Thank God he had an out.

"If you'll excuse me, sir, ma'am." He came to attention, then turned on his heel and left Harm's office. Harm stood and walked around his desk to follow him out.

Faith met Mike in the middle of the bullpen and Harm leaned on his doorframe. He knew McBurney could feel him watching him. Coleman was speaking to him in a low voice. Harm turned back into his office, and as he did he heard Commander Coleman say 'Michael.' Harm raised his brows and grinned at his wife. He reached up to loosen the door stop and closed his office door.

"Michael? Uh oh, this is more serious than I thought. Faith and Michael."

"Stop it, Harm." Mac teased.

He looked at Mac, pretending not to understand. "What?"

1553

March 7

American Airlines flight 714

Somewhere over the Midwest

Faith sat back in her seat, trying to prepare herself mentally for what she knew was going to be an emotionally charged case. These families were deep in grief. They felt betrayed by everyone. They didn't think that security at Camp Anaconda was adequate and they also felt betrayed by the Iraqis. News reports had indicated that an Iraqi suicide bomber was responsible.

Mike sat next to her, thinking about his conversation with Commander Rabb. He turned to look at Faith. She had her head back and her eyes closed. 'I have made some lifelong friendships here at JAG.' He knew that he and Faith were getting closer all the time. He also knew that Commander Rabb and the colonel had been friends a long time before they ever began a serious relationship

. It depended on who you spoke with, though. Some never saw a thing until recently, but scuttlebutt was that they had been in it from the first time they worked together. They had handled things professionally, though…what was he doing? This had nothing to do with his and Faith's relationship. He huffed out loud and shook his head.

Faith raised her head and looked at him. "Did you say something?"

"No, no – I was just thinking…"

"About the case?" Faith frowned.

"Yeah…yeah. I hope Commander Turner can give us a clearer picture of what happened the day of the explosion. These people need answers, and all the speculation flying around is not helping." He deftly steered the conversation away from what he had been thinking about.

Faith nodded in agreement. She dreaded the grief she knew she would see. She'd wondered at times if her family would grieve her. She had lost touch with all of them. She had not spoken with any member of her family in years. Her parents had divorced after her younger sister graduated from college. Like staying together had done any of them any good. Her thoughts were showing on her face.

Mike leaned forward so that he could get a better look at her. "Hey, what's up?"

"Oh…I'm just thinking about dealing with the grief that I know the families must feel." She turned back to look out the window.

"And?' He knew there was more to it than that.

Faith turned back and looked at him directly. "I was thinking about my family. I was wondering if they would grieve me if something were to happen to me."

"Of course they would, Faith." Mike frowned; where did that come from? She had still been pretty closed-mouthed about her personal life. No details anyway.

"You don't understand, Michael; we were not a close family. I mean, I wasn't abused or anything. We just…it's hard to explain." Faith folded her arms across her chest and looked out the window.

"Try me." Mike was hoping she would try to open up a little more on this trip. She was like a mystery that he felt he had to solve.

"Well, as I have said before, my parents were professionals; very busy people. We were all in boarding school as soon as we were old enough to go. When we were home we stayed out of their way. Some kids become close as a result of that, but because we were in three different boarding schools most of the time, we weren't."

"What about summers?" Mike had a lot of good memories of summer. He had a very large immediate and extended family. There was always a gathering of some type: a cousin to visit, summer jobs when he got older. He was kept busy. His mother believed the old adage: 'Idle hands are the devil's workshop.'

"My parents usually had a camp of some type to send us to. We did have longer visits in summer, but like Christmas time, I couldn't wait until it was over and I went back to school."

Faith suddenly remembered one summer in particular. She had been about 10 years old, and had happened to come up on her parents as they argued viciously. She began to tell Mike about that day.

"I had been walking through the house and stumbled upon them in the living room. I slipped behind a full length curtain, hoping they would not notice me and pull me into their argument. They had a terrible habit of using their children to hurt each other. What they never got was that they had hurt their children most of all. They screamed insults and threats of divorce; they threatened each other with taking the children away. It frightened me more than I could say, although I didn't know why. As I got older I began to realize that my life would be no different."

Faith stopped speaking, realizing that this was getting too deep. She hadn't meant to go on like she had. She looked down and saw that Michael had taken her hand while she was speaking.

Mike was leaning back, resting his head on the seat, watching Faith as she spoke. She looked down at her hand clasped in his and he realized what he had done. He started to remove it but Faith tightened her grasp just slightly. He gave her a soft smile, hoping to reassure her. He wasn't trying to do anything but be her friend and he knew she might let go. They were both in uniform, though her overcoat across her lap covered their hands.

Faith returned his smile, resting her head back on the seat, and in a very short time fell into a deep sleep.

TBC


	23. Chapter 23

Will You Always Be There?

Chapter 62

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything up to 'Bridging the Gulf' is fair game. Any spoiler floating around out there may be loosely referred to.

A/N: Many thanks to aerogirl for her beta reading skills and her excellent input.

2035

Thursday

March 10

American Airlines Flight 732

Somewhere over the Midwest

It had been a grueling four days. Both Mike and Faith were so tired they didn't even try to make conversation. Mike thought it was another sign of true friendship. They had the ability to be quiet together and still be comfortable. Faith had held up well, he thought. She had a lot more strength than she realized. Faith kept her military bearing but had been intently focused on what the families of the fallen Marines had to say. She'd given them the time they needed to speak their minds and rail against the situation if they wanted to. She hadn't been emotional at all. It was a time when her rein on her emotions benefited her well.

Commander Turner and the JAG investigators on the ground in Iraq had been able to find the origin of the blast. It was an IED that had been exploded by remote control. It had been attached to a new coffee urn that was to be installed that morning by a civilian contractor. It had been placed near the old one and a mess cook was just minutes from installing it. The device had been placed inside the urn prior to its having been brought onto the camp. SOP was that any type of Iraqi civilian contractor, once inside the camp, was to be guarded by at least two Marines. Any type of working party consisting of Iraqi civilians was also heavily guarded and closely watched. Sturgis did feel that security was lax as far as the civilian contractors outside the camp were concerned. More could have been done to prevent this; protocols had already been changed, just too late for the Marines who were killed. He'd made his recommendations and was returning to JAG.

Knowing the truth did very little to heal the immediate wounds of the families, though. He hoped time would help. Both Marines had taken out additional life insurance, so their families were compensated well monetarily. One of the young men had a wife and child; his widow was only 20 years old, his son only 18 months old. He couldn't fathom being married at that age, much less being widowed.

Mike was shaken from his thoughts by a touch on his arm.

"Michael?" Faith looked at him, questioning.

"Yeah?" Mike sat forward in his seat and stretched slightly, trying to shake the cobwebs from his mind.

"Are you all right?" He had been quiet for the last hour.

"I was just going over the past few days in my head." He leaned back into his seat.

Faith looked at him. "It might be better not to dwell on it. We did everything we could, but there was no way to assuage the pain they were feeling."

"You did a really good job back there, Faith. It was really awkward at times, but you never showed a moment of discomfort. I have to say I admired that." As he finished his sentence, he looked at her.

She turned her head to look out the window, seeing nothing but the dark night. "Thank you, but it was not easy for me. I'm just used to…hiding my feelings. It was very difficult."

"What they needed was someone who focused on them and let them have their say without getting emotional. Sometimes that is the best way; let me pay you a compliment, Faith." He nudged her with his elbow. "You did well."

She looked at him and smiled. "Thank you."

"Man, I'm ready to get back, even if it means getting up at 0600 tomorrow morning."

He just wanted to sleep in his own bed tonight. He suddenly remembered Commander Turner's invitation for his engagement party tomorrow night. "What are you doing tomorrow night?"

Faith answered automatically, thinking more in terms of conversation that of a date. "Nothing in particular. I'm feeling pretty worn out from this …ordeal. I'll probably try to lose myself in a good book."

The commander had said he could bring someone. "Commander Turner invited me to his engagement party tomorrow night. The Rabbs are giving it. Why don't you come with me?"

He didn't relish the thought of being there without her; Commander Rabb enjoyed ribbing him too well.

"I don't know, Michael – I don't really know Commander Turner very well."

Faith really didn't want to go. He seemed nice enough; he was a very squared away officer as far as she was concerned. She just wasn't sure she knew him well enough to come to a celebration that personal.

"Come on, Faith. I don't know them any better than you do, but he did ask me personally, and he also said I could bring a date."

He wanted to take the last part of that sentence back, but it was too late. He saw Faith's walls go up immediately.

"I don't know." How would she get out of this? She couldn't have people thinking they were dating.

"Look, Faith, it's just me." He decided to go for the emotional plea. "I have to go now since the commander asked me – please come with me. They've all been friends for years; I want to bring a friend of my own." He gave her his most disarming smile.

'Oh, there it is. He's turning on the charm,' she thought. She was becoming less and less immune to it all the time. She sighed audibly.

He had won, he knew it. "We'll only stay an hour and I'll think of some reason we have to get out of there, I promise."

Faith was still quiet. She was going to go; she was just trying to be sure that nothing could be read into her acceptance of his invitation.

"All right, I'll buy you another steak." He was getting desperate.

She laughed. He had resorted to bribery. She was going to go anyway, but he didn't need to know that.

0830

Friday

March 11

North Park Muslim Women's Shelter

Oldham, England

MI-5 agents with police backup were in place at four locations around the women's shelter, waiting. They planned to move in as soon as Nasiri entered the shelter. Aziz Nasiri walked briskly up the sidewalk toward the building. He carried a backpack with the last component of the bomb he and his mentor al Hundu were building. It would be nine days until he would be allowed to fulfill his destiny and send the British and American dignitaries to hell, where he believed they belonged. He saw some of the women and children getting into a bus in front of the shelter.

Just before he stepped down the curb to cross the street, he heard what sounded like a car backfiring, coming from the street below. He walked to the rail on the small overpass and looked down into the alley. He saw nothing.

The bus was backing out of its parking place in front of the shelter. The driver's foot slipped from the brake onto the gas, sending the bus backward very quickly. Nasiri was turning around when the bus jumped the curb and hit him, knocking him over the rail of the overpass. Nasiri had no time to react or call out. The driver did not realize he had hit him. He thought the bump he felt was from the bus going up over the high curb. The women who sat in the bus had not looked up or around. They sat with eyes down and hands clasped in their laps. They were being watched closely by Mr. Muehe, who was accompanying them, and from where Mr. Muehe sat he had not seen him either.

A little girl, who sat with her mother, did see him fall. She was terrified and confused. She remembered this man from yesterday. He had struck her mother hard across her face. She had made the mistake of looking directly at him. He had hit her more than once, but the blow to her face had caused her to pass out. The little girl had thought for a moment that her mother was dead. What should she do? Should she tell the man who was accompanying them? What if he became angry and beat her? What if they beat her mother again? She would say nothing. They were on their way to see a doctor. They would help her mother. She would never tell anyone what she saw. The bus started down the street and turned the corner. Two blocks down they were stopped by policemen and government agents. The little girl and her mother were rescued almost before they understood what was happening.

Aziz Nasiri had fallen hard on the pavement. He had broken his cervical vertebra high in his neck. His third cervical vertebra had in fact been shattered. This interfered with the innervations of his diaphragm. He felt nothing from his neck down and his breathing was becoming difficult to impossible. He knew he was dead, his holy task left undone. His last thought was of the little girl he saw as he fell over the rail. He had looked into her eyes and saw the fear and loathing in them.

Mr. Nasiri was dead.

2045

Friday

March 11

Harm and Mac's apartment

Sturgis and Varise's party was beginning to break up. The happy couple had left fifteen minutes before. A good time was had by all. AJ had come but Marcella was in New York with Francesca. Harm and Mac were at the door saying goodbye to Bud and Harriet.

"Thanks again for helping me with this, Harriet." Mac hugged her as she started through the door.

"Oh, I didn't really do anything. It was just great to get out and be with my friends again." She took Bud's arm and they walked toward the elevator.

"Good night, sir, ma'am," Bud still couldn't do the Harm and Mac thing yet.

At the same time Harm and Mac said, "Bud," slightly exasperated.

"I'm sorry." Bud and Harriet laughed as they closed the gate to the elevator.

Mike and Faith were now leaving and hoping to make a quick exit. They had mingled with the other guests tonight but talked mostly to each other.

"Mike, thank you for coming." He smiled broadly and shook his hand.

"Thank you for having us…Harm." Mike was having a hard time with the first names too.

Harm gave Mike a wink when Faith was saying goodbye to Mac. He turned toward Faith.

"Faith, it was nice to have you here tonight."

She looked at him and couldn't help returning his charming, though mischievous, smile. "Thank you, s...Harm." She blushed furiously and followed Mike closely out the door.

Harm started to say something to them but Mac slipped into his arms, distracting him just enough to allow their escape. Mac reached up and whispered, "Stop it, Harmon."

"What? I was being a gracious host." He gave her a sly look.

"You know what you're doing."

Harm hugged her to him and happened to notice Jen in the kitchen, starting to clear things away. He stepped out of Mac's embrace.

"What are you doing, Jennifer?" Harm went swiftly into the kitchen, shooing her out. "We have this under control. You're a guest."

"You need some help clearing this away. I don't mind, really." Jen wanted to help. She had missed being around both Harm and Mac. This apartment felt like home to her even in light of all that had happened in the apartment next door.

Mac stepped into the kitchen. "The night is still young – you should get out and enjoy it. It's not even nine o'clock"

Just then they heard a knock at their door. Harm looked around, thinking that maybe one of the guests had forgotten something. He opened the door to see Tom and Jack standing in the doorway. "Kind of late, aren't you?"

"Sorry, has everyone gone home?" Jack spoke in a low voice, leaning in and looking around the apartment. He saw AJ and Gunny talking in the living room. "We probably ought to wait until more of your guests have gone."

Harm looked slightly confused, and then he realized that this must be about Trafalgar Square. "We were just finishing up. Come in." He nodded toward Tom Boone. "Tom."

"Rabb, it has been a while, hasn't it?"

He shook Harm's hand. He couldn't explain it, but he felt such a sense of relief about the news he was going to share with him tonight. He had made a promise to himself that Trish's killer would not get by with what he had done. He would see him dead, no matter what it took. Now it was true, and without firing a shot; Trish would have liked that.

AJ looked across the room at Harm and his new guests. He caught Tom's eye and he knew something was up. He looked back at Gunny.

"Excuse me, Gunny, I think I'll go say hello to the late arrivals."

Gunny took that as his cue to get Jennifer going. Something was up, and he had the feeling that whatever it was couldn't be discussed while he and Jen were there.

He walked to where she was standing with Mac.

"Are you about ready to go?" He smiled at Jennifer.

She returned his smile warmly. "Yes, let me get my coat."

He touched her shoulder. "I'll get it."

Mac looked at Jen with raised eyebrows. "You and the Gunny?"

Jen folded her arms across her chest and looked away. "Yeah, I think so." She turned to look at him and saw that he was waiting near the door.

"I hope it works out for you, Jen." Mac said it sincerely

"Thank you, Mac." Jen walked to Gunny and he slipped her coat onto her shoulders.

She and Harm bade them goodnight, and they left with Gunny holding her elbow, gently guiding her out. Mac turned around to see AJ, Tom and Harm standing in the living room talking. They kept their voices low; something was definitely up, and this time Mac wasn't going to be left out of the conversation.

"Please sit down, gentlemen. Can I get any of you something to drink?" Mac figured that was one way to place her into the conversation. They all politely declined.

Harm held his hand out to her. "Come on, this concerns you too."

Mac breathed a silent sigh of relief. He wasn't going to shut her out. She still worried about that. This had to be about his mother. The loss and the injustice of it had always been with him. She saw it at times when he thought she wasn't looking. He would linger over an old photo, or his mother would come up in every day conversation. He would hesitate and move on; not wanting to dwell on what was still so painful to him. She walked over to him and took his hand, and they all sat down.

Tom and AJ looked at Jack, silently giving him the go ahead to tell the story they had kept to themselves for months. He began.

"As you know, Harm, we told you we would find out all we could about who was responsible for your mother's….the incident at Trafalgar Square."

Jack could not bring himself to say the word 'death'; saying it this way seemed to anesthetize the pain of the situation. It did for him, anyway.

"We all had our sources and now that the pieces are nearly all together we can tell you what we know. The person responsible for the bombing was Aziz Nasiri." He looked directly at Harm.

Mac knew immediately who he was. "The Holy Land Liberation Crusade? The one involved in the ZNN fiasco?"

"Yes." Jack waited for Harm to speak; he had been quiet. He was still trying to figure out why.

Harm remembered Ginny Baker, and the hatred she had expressed from the witness stand once her cover had been blown. She had used Stuart Dunston and nearly got him thrown in Leavenworth. She had played her part well. Mac's language skills had solved that case.

"Why?" Harm asked the simple question.

"The goal had been to detonate the explosives near a group of college students who were visiting from the States. MI-5 got word that something may be up in the area, so the school was notified and the tour was cancelled."

"But why allow the public there at all if that was the case?"

He still couldn't accept this; in his heart he felt something could have been done. He still felt responsible, although he knew that it was unreasonable to do so.

"The threat had been vague and the intel was not 100 reliable. They didn't even know the students were the target until after the explosion. The locals thought they needed more to shut down the area entirely."

Jack hoped the fact that Nasiri was dead would be some consolation to Harm. He knew that his old friend was still struggling with this.

"Do they have him in custody?" He wanted a chance to see him pay. Whatever the sentence was, he wanted to be there to see it handed down.

"No."

AJ and Harm were incredulous and spoke at the same time. "No?"

"He's dead," Tom said quickly.

"How?" Harm had to know. AJ leaned forward in his seat.

Jack continued. "The British authorities were getting ready to close in on Nasiri and another suspected terrorist. They were using a Muslim women's shelter as a front for their organization. MI-5 had a team waiting for him to return this morning and was going to take them both into custody. The thing was... how do I say this?" He looked at Tom.

"He got hit by a bus." Tom was deadly serious, but the irony of it was making it difficult to stay that way.

"What?" Harm couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"He was knocked off of an overpass and fell into an alley below. The fall broke his neck. He broke his third cervical vertebra and it paralyzed his diaphragm – he smothered to death." Jack looked from Harm to Tom.

Tom spoke up. "Kind of fitting, I think."

Harm stood and walked across his living room. He wasn't sure what he should feel. He thought he would be relieved, but he wasn't. He was glad to hear that there was one less terrorist in the world, but he knew there were more out there. His eyes welled with tears when he realized what he really wanted was for his mother to be alive. She was never one for revenge, but to his mind, justice had been served.

Jack finished what he knew of the story.

"Nasiri had been bringing components for putting another bomb together; the target this time is believed to have been the prime minister and our Secretary of State." Jack waited a moment. He knew Harm was having a hard time absorbing all of this.

AJ had been watching him closely. "Harm, I know this is a lot to take in at once, but we all know you too well."

He looked at Mac. "You wouldn't have been able to stay out of it. You and Mac had just begun your life together. I know that the small amount of information I gave you in December had you struggling to stay out of this. I think if you hadn't been so caught up getting Mac through her illness you would have been right in the middle of all of this."

AJ stood and walked over to Harm and folded his arms across his chest. "We just didn't want to see any more lives destroyed because of this senseless terrorist's act."

Harm looked at AJ and then back at his friends and his wife. He nodded, not wanting to speak just yet. He almost had it under control; he had nearly swallowed the lump in his throat when Tom decided it was time for a bit of levity.

"Well… we can take comfort in the fact that…there will be no 72 virgins for our friend Aziz." Tom gave him a sarcastic smile and raised his eyebrows, hoping this attempt at dark humor would fly.

Harm looked at Tom and the irony struck him immediately. The bastard got hit by a bus. No martyrdom for him, no glorious killing of perceived infidels. He got his by way of a bus. He looked at Mac and she rose to walk over toward him. He couldn't help but chuckle, and as he did huge tears began to fall from his eyes. Then he began to laugh. Mac began to laugh with him, wiping tears from her face too.

Jack stood and walked into their kitchen. "I don't suppose you have anything stronger to drink than fruit juices in here, do you?" He opened their refrigerator.

Mac joined him. "Yes, we do, but all we have left is white wine and light beer."

AJ looked at Jack and smirked. "At least it's not bourbon." He didn't care if he did sound like a scold.

Jack shivered. "It'll have to do."

He and Mac set out glasses and poured wine into all but one. Mac gave herself sparkling water. Tom, Harm and AJ joined them standing around the kitchen island. Jack lifted his glass.

"Gentlemen and Lady, a toast… to public transportation."

2220

Friday

March 11

Starbuck's

Alexandria, Virginia

Gunny and Jen were sitting at a table finishing their coffee. Jen had once again ordered for both of them.

"I still don't see the big deal. Coffee is coffee." Gunny smirked at her.

"You know you like it. It was your idea to come here tonight anyway." She smiled smugly. He liked his Venti Vanilla Breve Latte with whipped cream. He just wouldn't admit it.

"I had a good time tonight. Sturgis and Varise make a nice couple." He changed the subject.

Jen raised her brows. "They seem so different, though."

"Opposites attract sometimes, Jen." He winked at her.

She looked down, blushing slightly. "You know, the colonel asked me about us tonight."

He looked at her directly. "What did you say?"

"She asked if we were together and I said that I thought so." Jen looked at him, hoping she hadn't said too much.

He smiled at her and gave her forearm a squeeze. "Let's go."

Jen looked at him and stood. He took her coat from the back of her chair and held it for her to slip her arms in. No one she had ever dated had done that for her. The commander had, but that was different somehow.

She followed him out to the car and they rode to her apartment in silence. He would look over at her from time to time but he didn't say anything. He didn't seem angry; she couldn't tell what he was thinking at all. They had gone out twice last weekend and had a great time. He showed a bit more affection Saturday night, but was still pretty reserved compared to other men she had been out with. He acted as though he was trying so hard to be careful, not to make any mistakes in their relationship.

They arrived at her apartment. "Do you want to come up?"

"It's pretty late – your roommate might not appreciate it." The old awkwardness was starting to creep into their conversation.

"She's TAD to Norfolk this week and next week. Come on, Victor." She looked at him with that expression that could always do him in. "You know you don't want to go home yet. I know for a fact there is -nothing- in that apartment. You said yourself that you don't spend a lot of time in it."

"If you're sure…" Gunny cut the engine and took keys out of the ignition.

"I'm sure. Maybe we can find a movie we both agree on." Jen got out of the truck and started toward her apartment building.

"No chick flicks," he teased, suddenly very glad that he had taken her up on her invitation.

2330

Friday

March 11

Harm and Mac's apartment

Harm and Mac had just settled into bed. Their guests were gone and their apartment was cleared of the remnants of their party. Harm was exhausted. What a day it had been. He scooted closer to Mac and turning her onto her side pulled her snugly into his embrace. They lay in silence for a few moments, in their favorite spooning position.

Mac rested a hand on his forearm. "Harm, are you all right?"

"Yeah…I think so." He was still reeling from the news, trying to absorb it all and reconcile it with what he had come to feel about his mother's death.

Mac knew he still had some things to work out. She had been thinking, almost since they had been told the news, that they needed to get away. She turned on to her stomach and faced him. "How would you feel about taking a long weekend over the Easter holiday and going to visit your grandmother?"

Harm was silent for a moment. He did like the idea. "I haven't seen her since we got married." Harm suddenly thought of Mattie. "Do you mind if I ask Mattie too?"

"I'd love it. I've gotten pretty attached to her too."

Harm leaned in and kissed her, giving her that soft look that she loved. She saw pain there too, fresh and sharp – the kind she knew he couldn't put into words. She reached up to trace his cheekbone with the tip of her forefinger, to caress and comfort him as much as she could, without bringing all the pain to the surface.

"Mac," he said in a whisper. He leaned in and kissed her tenderly. He knew what she was doing. She finally knew him well enough to know just what he needed and he loved her for it.

Chapter 63

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Any episode up to and including 'Bridging the Gulf' may be referred to. Any spoiler floating around out there is fair game.

1930

Friday

March 25th

McMurphy's Bar and Grill

Georgetown

Mike and Faith sat at a table they were beginning to think of as theirs. It had been a long week and they were ready for the weekend. Mike was finally making good on his promise of a steak dinner if Faith went with him to Commander Turner's engagement party. They had finished their meal and were lingering over coffee. They had an ease to their relationship now. The discomfort Faith had seemed to feel at times when they were alone had disappeared. She had allowed him to pick her up this time. He had called for her on his cell phone from his car, though. He hadn't come up to the apartment.

"Did you enjoy your dinner?" He smiled at her.

"Yes, thank you. It was perfect. I think I'm getting addicted to the steaks here." If she were honest with herself she would say she was beginning to count on his company as well.

Mike looked up to see Lieutenant Vukovic walk through the door. He nodded but did not rise to greet him. He didn't trust this guy. Something about him seemed slimy; he just couldn't put his finger on it.

Faith turned around to see where he was looking. The lieutenant had already seated himself at the bar by the time she saw him. She looked back at Mike. "You really don't like him, do you?"

"I can't say that I do." He turned to look at Vukovic again. "I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I have a really bad feeling about this guy. The concerns you had in the beginning weren't unfounded." He thought of telling her about his problems with him when the lieutenant was his second chair but thought better of it.

Faith remembered their 'conversation' about him when he had first come to JAG. "Yes, I remember." She looked down into her coffee cup.

Mike looked at her, knowing what she was thinking about. "I really am sorry about that, Faith."

She looked up at him and smiled. "It's all right. It seems like a million years ago that we had that conversation about him. I was still busy giving you my bad first impression." She also knew that Michael's pride was a little wounded at the time; she had just beaten him badly in court the week before.

Mike returned her smile. "You have improved with time, Commander."

"Thank you."

"Are you ready to go?" Mike didn't want the evening to be over yet. "Why don't we walk down the block and get some dessert?"

"I really couldn't eat another bite." She waved him off.

"Well you could go with me while I have -my- dessert" He huffed, feigning irritation.

"All right, counselor, since you gave such an eloquent argument." She stood and took her coat from the hook near their table.

Mike stood and casually took her coat from her, opening it for her to slip into. He did it as though he had been doing this every day of his life. Faith didn't make more of it than it was. She thought Mike probably did that for his mother or his sisters or any female friend he happened to be out with. She was glad to be among his friends.

The gesture did not, however, go unnoticed by the lieutenant at the bar.

They left and walked the two blocks to a small bistro, where Faith watched Mike eat an unbelievably rich piece of mocha espresso cake.

2140

McMurphy's Bar and Grill

Georgetown

Faith and Mike walked past the bar, heading to Mike's car in the parking lot. The evening had been perfect. Mike had taken her hand and placed it in the crook of his arm and they walked in step. Spring was in the air. The days and nights were getting warmer. The biting cold of winter was becoming a distant memory.

"This has been fun." Faith looked up at him.

"I agree, I'm having a pretty good time too." He looked down and winked at her.

"I still can't believe you ate all of that cake as well as dinner." She shook her head slightly. "You don't look as though you have ever overeaten in your life."

He turned to her and smiled slyly. "Why, thank you, Faith."

She nudged him slightly. "You know what I mean."

"No…I don't think I do." They had reached his car but he did not open the door. He turned her to face him. "Care to explain?"

"All right, don't try giving me a hard time, Michael. It never works out for you,"

she answered, looking at him smugly.

Mike decided it was time to change the subject. "I don't want to go in. It's so nice outside." Mike had been looking around and up at the starlit sky. "It's a beautiful night." He looked at her.

"I know…" Faith felt the same way, but she was starting to get anxious about getting home. The look he was giving her made her want to invite him to her apartment or herself to his. She knew she wasn't ready for that yet.

"Faith –"

"Michael –" They both spoke at once and laughed sheepishly.

Faith began. "Michael, I did have a great time tonight. I would love to invite you to my apartment… just for coffee, mind you." She arched a brow, teasing him. "I don't want this evening to end, either. I don't know when I've had such a good time."

Mike decided to help her finish this. "You're not ready yet, I know." He wanted to ask what had happened. He wanted to help her if he could. Instead, he impulsively reached for her hand and gave it a light squeeze.

Faith was touched at how patient he was with her. Suddenly it didn't seem fair to shut him out. "I just need a little more time to work on this."

"I'd like to help, Faith, if you'll let me."

She nodded in answer to his invitation. It was time she trusted someone. She stared at the pavement at her feet, trying to think of how to begin.

"Tell me what happened." Her hand still in his, he gave it a shake, trying to get her to look at him.

She looked up at him anxiously, "Let's walk – maybe that will make it easier."

Along the street there were storefronts with well lit bricked pavement for about three blocks. They started down the street with Faith walking beside him, her arms folded across her chest. Their steps on the pavement seemed loud as she screwed up her courage to start.

"I don't know where to begin." She blew out a breath she had been holding.

"You could begin with why it upset you so badly that I was in your apartment." He tried to keep his tone of voice even and not accusatory. He wanted her to trust him; it was very important to him that she did.

"I…I'm just not sure I can…Some of it was my own fault… my own problem." She looked toward the street. The shame of that night crept into her consciousness, making her want to draw into herself, even in memory.

"Then talk to me, Faith."

Faith was silent for a few moments. "Well, you know that I had…a difficult experience."

"Faith…" He was getting the generic version again.

"All right…It was a long time ago, six years or so. I developed a …crush on a man I worked with. He wasn't in my chain of command. This was at JAG San Diego. I…this is difficult."

Mike knew he could give her an out, but he had to know. He wanted to help. Faith was a great person behind that wall. He wanted her to be happy. He waited quietly for her to begin.

"I had just made lieutenant – I and three others at JAG. So we had our wetting down at…" She looked at him. "T.J's, as a matter of fact." Faith continued and seemed to lose herself in her story. Her gait slowed and it was as though she weren't talking to Mike at all.

"I had a little too much to drink and Mark asked me to dance." She smiled without humor. "I nearly fell into his arms… I must have looked like a fool…You know that dreamy naïve look someone gets when they see only what they want to see? I must have looked that way…I was so wrong about him."

Mike thought of asking her who this Mark was, but she continued before she had a chance.

"We danced…he held me close and kissed me." She touched her lips with the tips of her fingers and then remembering herself, self consciously brought her hands down and behind her back.

"I had never been kissed like that before. All I wanted was for the night to go on forever."

She paused and cleared her throat. Her voice was at a monotone. "We went to my apartment…"

Silence.

He reached for her elbow and stopped her. She looked at him with pain and what Mike thought was fear in her eyes. "He didn't hurt you, did he?" He searched her face for a clue, so that she wouldn't have to say more.

She looked down. "No, not in the way you mean."

She looked away and began again, resuming their walk. "As I said, we returned to my apartment…and we picked up where we'd left off at T.J.'s. I was still dreamily falling into whatever I thought was happening. I had never…but I thought – I thought there was something between us. He said he had noticed me and had wanted to ask me out for a long time. I was so naïve and stupid. I mistook that for lo… I was wrong."

They approached the parking lot where Mike's car was parked.

"Faith, you don't have to say more. I'm almost sorry I pushed you about this." He walked her to the passenger side of the vehicle. He didn't know who this Mark guy was, but he wanted to break him in half.

Faith leaned back against the car door. She looked up at Mike, and without saying a word, the look in her eyes told him she would continue. She reached for his arm and gave it a light touch, trying to reassure him that she would be okay. She looked away after that gesture, though, still not able to look into his eyes and speak of something so intimate.

"It started out so…perfectly. I thought I knew what I was doing. I thought that he…" She was silent for a moment. "Anyway, one thing led to another and I…because I was so inexperienced…my body just didn't react as it should have."

She shivered suddenly, folding her arms across her chest. It was not from cold but from the way the situation still made her feel. Mike took off his jacket and draped it loosely around her shoulders.

"Mark was less than kind…he seemed to take it as a personal affront. He kept asking me what my problem was. He was throwing around the word 'iceberg' pretty freely. Needless to say, the evening ended quickly and by Monday it was all over JAG that Lieutenant Coleman was an 'iceberg.'"

Mike knew now that there was a lot more going on that night they were in T.J.'s than he had realized. He was gladder than ever that he had helped her put those 'ladies' in their place.

Faith looked back at him. "So…now you know. I know it was my own fault…I didn't really know this guy…I just had this dream of the person I thought he was."

Mike couldn't stand to hear her blame herself anymore. "That was –not- your fault, Faith. Don't blame yourself because this guy was an ass."

Faith nodded. "I know that with my head. In hindsight, I know I used it as an excuse to block people out of my life. I'm just not very good at interpersonal relationships."

Mike reached out to touch her arm and stroked it lightly with the palm of his hand. "I don't know about that. I think you and I are doing pretty well with our interpersonal relationship." He gave her a soft smile.

Faith looked into his eyes and to her relief saw no judgment there. She looked lower at his lips, suddenly wanting to kiss them so badly that she leaned forward slightly.

Mike was standing just inches in front of her as she leaned against the car. He reached out and gently grasped her waist with one hand and pulled her nearer to him. This time it was about them. He wasn't thinking about friendship; he just wanted to show her how special he thought she was. He tasted her lower lip then the top and opened her mouth with his own. As he deepened the kiss, his hand slipped behind her back, pulling her against him.

Faiths hands rested lightly on his chest. She was enjoying this but not giving herself over to his kiss.

He broke the kiss and looking into her eyes and whispered, "There's nothing 'cold' about you, Faith."

Suddenly Faith felt a surge of feminine power that she had never felt before. She kissed him back, and as she gave herself over to the kiss, she became the aggressor. She was holding a man in her arms that she trusted. One she knew would never hurt her.

He slipped both arms around her waist, snaking them around behind her with his hands coming to rest low on her back. She responded by pulling his body to hers tightly. She trailed her hand up his chest and around his neck. She held his mouth to hers, delving deeper, savoring his flavor. She was hungry for this feeling – the feeling of being totally lost in and connected to someone at the same time.

A low rumbling sound came from deep in his chest when she deepened the kiss. He pushed her back against the car and gave her back everything that she was giving him. He couldn't get close enough as he pulled her body up and into him.

They both seemed to remember themselves at the same time. They broke the kiss. Faith suddenly felt self-conscious and started to slip out of his embrace.

"No…just hold on…a moment." This moment had been too perfect. Mike wasn't going to let it end badly.

She gave him a questioning look.

"No backing away and hiding." Mike was still slightly short of breath.

"Mike, I…"

"Hang on, Faith…just let me…hold on." He looked at her with a sappy smile on his face. He was holding her loosely in his arms.

She looked at him and couldn't help but return the smile. "That was…"

He finished her sentence. "Very nice." He kissed her lightly on the cheek and stepped back to open the car door for her.

They didn't notice Lieutenant Vukovic standing in the shadows just outside the entrance to McMurphy's. Vukovic waited until they left the parking lot to return to his car.

He thought, 'You never know when something like this could come in handy.' He spoke aloud to himself, "Very nice indeed."

0635

Saturday

March 26th

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Harm stood on the front porch drinking his coffee. He had gotten up before anyone else just to have this moment. He loved this place. Oscar sat at his feet, standing his watch with his favorite visitor. It was still cool outside, but spring was well underway. The trees were budding and the grass was greening up. In the distance he could hear what sounded to him like a tractor. Spring was a busy time in the country; he and Mac had noticed a lot of the fields they had seen on their way in that had already been tilled and replanted.

The simple ease of this place grounded him. Mac had known he needed to come back here for a while and he already felt better just being here. It was going to be a clear day; the sun had risen giving off its blinding yellow light to the east. The sky seemed bluer and the air cleaner after the cold of winter. Harm walked down the steps and Oscar followed. He reached down to scratch him behind his ears. Eight-year old-Oscar was now a puppy again and jumped up, resting his paws on Harm's side. Harm picked up a stick and threw it, sending Oscar bounding off down the drive.

Mrs. Rabb looked out of her kitchen window. She had heard Harm get up, and had waited until he had gone outdoors to get up. She knew he needed this time. Whatever worries or concerns he had about the new baby coming, he seemed to have resolved them for the time being. She was so glad for both his and Mac's sake. Mac had come downstairs and poured herself a cup of the 'decaf' she was drinking now. Harm had made it for her before he left the house, knowing she wouldn't be far behind him.

"Good morning, Sarah." Mac stood next to her at the window. She saw Harm walking down the drive. They both knew where he was going. Mac wanted to go with him, but thought she might intrude on some quiet time Harm needed.

"Go on, Mac, he's been up and out for quite a while." Mrs. Rabb nudged her, and she started for the front door and the porch beyond it.

Harm drew in a deep breath, taking in the scent of the turned earth and the farm. He started walking down the path to the gravel driveway. He thought of his mother and father. He felt so close to them here; he could not understand why, but when he walked this drive it was almost as though he could see them both. Over the years, when he thought of his father in his everyday life, he had trouble picturing him in his mind's eye. There were times lately when he was that way about his mother as well, but when he walked here, he couldn't picture one of them without the other. The image was clear and there was no pain attached to the memory.

He heard a sound behind him and looked back toward the house, where Mac stood on the porch with her cup of coffee in hand. She was wearing jeans and one of his sweatshirts from the Seahawk. Her face was freshly scrubbed and her hair pulled back from her face. She looked about 15 years old.

"Hey, Sailor, do you mind if I tag along?" She had thought about letting him take his walk alone this morning. She decided she wanted to be with him this morning, in this place. Their lives had been so busy and complicated – she just wanted to walk with him and just be.

Harm smiled at her. "Sure, come on."

Mac sat her coffee cup on the rail of the porch and walked down the drive to him. She slipped her arm around him and tucked herself under his arm. They began to walk down the drive, automatically in step, without missing a beat. Mac thought it was as though they were one person walking down the drive.

"How long have you been up?" She looked up at him.

"About an hour." He nodded toward Oscar, who was leading the way. "Oscar and I watched the sun rise." They had walked over to the family cemetery and left the daffodils that he had brought with him on his mother's grave. Harm thought that he needed that time alone to remember her.

"I love this place." She looked around her and at the canopy of trees over them. Most of the trees had tiny green leaves sprouting, contrasting beautifully against the blue of the sky. The trees made no shade and the sun shone brightly through the branches.

"I do too. I didn't spend as much time here as I could have when I was younger, but I still feel like I did a lot of my growing up here."

Mac gave his waist a slight squeeze. "Me too." She looked up at him and gave him a knowing look.

Harm pulled her closer and kissed her temple. He was so glad to be here and to be with her. He'd had to go away to Fentress last week for his F/A-18 quals.

"You know, I'm going to have to finish my F/A-18 carrier quals between now and May, right?" He looked down at her, raising an eyebrow slightly.

"I know…you still miss it, don't you?"

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't." They stepped onto the path along the creek heading to Harm's favorite place.

Mac let go of his waist and took his offered hand as she followed him down the path. "I can tell."

They walked along in silence for a few moments until he came to the rock he liked to rest upon. He climbed up and held a hand out to Mac. She stepped easily up and stood next to him.

"Are you going to tell me to let go of that lifeline before it becomes a noose?"

He gave her an indulgent look, before helping her sit down. He sat down behind her, stretching both legs out on each side of her and enclosing her in the circle of his arms.

She leaned back slightly, resting her head on his shoulder. "No." She took his both of his hands in hers and wrapped them around her waist.

"So much has changed since then. We're both different people now. When I said that I think I was still afraid I'd lose you. I thought back then that it wasn't possible for us to be anything but friends. I thought if you were at JAG I could keep you in my life. A carrier and your love of flying had taken you out of my life once, and I was afraid it would happen again."

"I don't plan on carrier duty any time soon." He let go of her hands and placed both of his on her stomach. "I've got a new project in the works right now." Her low rise jeans allowed him to flatten his palm over the soft swell of the lower part of her abdomen. He felt a slight flutter under one of his hands. "Was that – ?"

Mac had felt the baby moving a few times during the past week, but always by the time Harm had his hand on her stomach the baby would still. "Yes… you finally felt it."

"She's going to be here before you know it." He pulled her tighter into his embrace with

a satisfied smile spreading slowly across his face.

"She?"

"Did I say that?" Harm had been thinking of the baby as a girl; he didn't know why.

"So…you think it's a girl?" She turned slightly so she could see his face.

"I do." He grinned sheepishly.

Mac had been thinking the same thing. She really had wanted a girl first, but with all the problems she had she would settle for healthy.

"So, Daddy… do you have a name in mind?" she teased.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I do." He wasn't sure how she would feel about it. It was her baby too, after all. "Jacqueline Patricia."

She loved it. They would name their daughter for their friend and his mother. She chuckled a bit when she thought of Jack telling them on their wedding day that they could name their first born child after him. "I love it, Harm."

"Are you sure? We can talk about other names. We don't have to settle on this one so soon."

"It's perfect. I love the way it sounds when I say it. Though, you know, we could have a boy." She raised an eyebrow at him.

"I don't think so." He pulled her closer to him and felt a happiness and peace that he couldn't describe. He buried his face in her neck and breathed in the scent of her soap and shampoo. "Mmm… let's just stay out here all day."

Mac turned to face him again, and he kissed her before she had a chance to speak. After a long moment she broke the kiss.

"Hey, I thought you came out here to do your serious thinking." She grinned at him mischievously.

He kissed her lightly and looked into her eyes. "I'm thinking…seriously." He began to kiss her again, but they were startled by Mattie calling them from the drive. She could see them plainly from where she stood.

"Hey, when are you two going to start acting like old married people?"

Mac laughed. "Saved by the bell."

"Grandma sent me to find you – she has breakfast ready."

"Okay." Harm sighed and backed away from Mac to stand up. He helped her stand and then climbed down the rock. He held out a hand and she let him help her down.

As Mac followed him down the path toward Mattie, she whispered so that the teen could not hear her.

"You know, Harm, I've been feeling great, but I don't think I'm up to sex in the great outdoors."

Harm stopped on the path and turned to kiss her cheek. "Come on, Mac…where is your sense of adventure?"

"Oh, go on." Mac turned him around by his arms and pushed him down the path, laughing all the way.

Harm walked up the drive with a beautiful girl he loved tucked under each arm. At that moment he felt like the luckiest man on earth.

0830

Saturday

Faith Coleman's apartment

Alexandria, Virginia

Faith stood at her kitchen sink. She had already had breakfast and been for her morning run. She felt so good this morning. She couldn't remember when she had ever felt so happy. Last night had been wonderful. Mike had brought her home and kissed her goodbye at her door. She'd been afraid he would ask to come in … it might have been okay, but he chose not to.

She still had a lot to work out; he seemed to know that without her having to say anything. She knew she had to let other people in her life, and that everything couldn't hinge on his friendship. Michael had just helped her renew her faith in human kindness. She had feelings for him. She couldn't deny it, and she didn't want to anymore. She just wasn't sure where to go from here. She had never really had a long term relationship with anyone. She didn't want to make more of it than it was, but she didn't want to let this slip away, either. Michael was already too special to her.

Time would tell, she supposed. She would just have to trust what she and Michael had as friends to work this out.

1600

Sunday

March 27

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Harm loaded the last of their things into the SUV. They had to be back and ready to go Monday morning. Mac had been able to get an extra day, but he hadn't. Mattie wanted to get back that night anyway. Two days was all she could take away from her computer and her friends. Harm hugged his grandmother.

"It was good to have you all here this weekend." She kissed his cheek and released him. She turned to hug Mattie next. "I especially enjoyed this one." She patted her back as she spoke.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to get back here. I promise it won't be three months between visits next time."

"It's all right. I understand, Harmon. Maybe I'll come and see you next time. I could try and talk Jack into bringing me to Washington again." Mrs. Rabb had enjoyed her last visit, though it had been short.

They were all loaded in the vehicle, and Mrs. Rabb stood beside the driver's side and spoke through Harm's open window.

"Try and keep him out of trouble, Mac." She winked at Mac and gave Harm's arm a pinch, eliciting a laugh from Mac and Mattie.

Harm put the vehicle into gear and as he was driving away said to his grandmother, "Hey, I'll give Jack a call. I'm sure he would love to bring you down…as long as you don't drive."

It took Mrs. Rabb a second to register what he had said. "Oh! Harmon Rabb." He was already out of reach, though she could hear him laughing all the way down the driveway. He honked his horn as he pulled out and she waved goodbye to them all.

1000

General Creswell's office

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm and Faith had been summoned to the general's office. They both sat in front of his desk and waited as he read over a file that sat in front of him on his desk. He spoke:

"Commander Rabb, I want you to head up a JAGMAN investigation of a fire that occurred over the weekend in the family housing unit at Little Creek. There are a few complicating factors. The first one is that a Master Chief David Graham, a SEAL, was killed in that fire. Another is that this is one of the men whose picture was published in all the major newspapers interrogating a prisoner on the ground in Iraq. The last one is that the surviving spouse has asked that the lead NCIS investigator not be involved in this case."

The general extended his hand, and Harm rose and took the file from it. He sat back in his chair. Harm had heard about the pictures being published; there had been talk about suing the newspapers involved. He opened the file and read the name aloud. "Jethro Gibbs?" He looked at Faith with raised eyebrows. He just figured that this was yet another person that Gibbs had pissed off. He turned to look back at the general. "Did she say why, sir?"

"Yes, she is his first wife."

TBC


	24. Chapter 24

Will You Always Be There?

Chapter 64

Disclaimers: I do not own any of the JAG or NCIS characters. I do not own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything up to and including 'The Straits of Malacca' with some specific references to 'Ice Queen.' Some NCIS eps may be 'loosely' referred to as well.

A/N: Many thanks to aerogirl for her beta reading skills and excellent input.

1030

Monday

March 7, 2005

NCIS Headquarters

Washington Navy Yard

Agent Tim McGee sat down at his desk and turned on his computer. He noticed something unusual in his peripheral vision. He turned to see that a snapshot was taped to Gibbs's computer terminal so he rose from his seat to get a closer look. As he stepped toward Gibbs's desk, Agents Kate Todd and Tony Dinozzo walked into the office. They both noticed the puzzled look on McGee's face.

"What's going on, McGee?" Kate watched as he turned his head slightly in curiosity.

McGee got closer and got a clearer view. "Oh…." He stood up straight and started to walk away. It was a picture of a much younger Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Kate recognized him right away and stepped closer to get a better look.

The man in the picture was in bed. His arm was up trying to shield his eyes. He was smiling a sleepy smile at whoever was taking the picture. It was Gibbs, all right; Kate would know him anywhere. Forensics Agent Abby Sciuto had come into the office unnoticed and looked over Kate's shoulder.

"Wow…nice six pack. Who's the…oh God, that's Gibbs!" Abby looked at Kate; both women waggled their eyebrows and laughed. Gibbs was wrapped in a sheet that rested low on his waist, revealing a tanned and very well defined torso. Gibbs had been a true 'lean mean fighting machine' in his younger days.

"Is something funny, ladies?" Gibbs stood just outside the group that had congregated around his computer. As he stepped into the group behind his desk he saw the picture.

"What the hell?" He stepped around the desk, quickly dispersing the other three NCIS agents. He stood closer and got a clearer look. He opened his drawer and pulled out a pair of gloves. He put them on and carefully removed the picture from the computer. Turning it over, he saw that someone had written on the back of it. In the right hand corner, the words 'Summer 75' had been written. The ink was fading but it was clear enough to read. There was also a verse written in darker ink, which appeared to have been written more recently. It read:

Who is this coming out of the wilderness?

Like pillars of smoke,

Perfumed with myrrh and frankincense,

With all the merchant's fragrant powders?

Behold it is Solomon's couch,

With sixty valiant men around it,

Of the valiant of Israel.

They all hold swords,

Being expert at war.

Every man has his sword on his thigh

Because of fear in the night

Of the wood of Lebanon

Solomon the King

Made himself a palanquin.

Gibbs turned the picture over again. It had been taken nearly 30 years ago. Only Dani would have this picture; though he certainly hadn't kept any of her. This was a picture taken in better times, when he and Dani were both different people. He took an evidence bag out of his desk drawer and dropped it in. He took a similar bag out of the breast pocket of his jacket and handed them both to Abby.

"See if you can get prints from these." He started to walk toward the elevators. The clear bag revealed another picture and what looked like verse written on the back. This one was of a young woman; Abby assumed it was a photo of Gibbs's first wife. It was already all over the office that Gibbs had been taken off of a case involving his first wife. Her husband, a Navy SEAL, had died in a fire, under suspicious circumstances.

"Boss?" Tony knew that this had to have something to do with the investigation at Little Creek. "Where are you going?"

"To Little Creek." He looked back at Dinozzo and Kate and emphasized, "Alone."

Kate immediately began to follow Gibbs toward the elevators "Gibbs, Director Morrow gave me specific instructions to keep you out of this investigation."

"This isn't just about a possible murder/arson on a naval base anymore, Kate. This is personal now." His clear blue gaze held a warning.

Kate stepped onto the elevator. As the doors closed, she leaned back on the wall of the elevator. Gibbs turned to look at her but she was not backing off. This time she was responsible for this investigation and she would know whatever it was that he knew. There was a lot more to those pictures than Gibbs had said.

"What's the story on those pictures? Why is this personal now?" Kate stopped the elevator and folded her arms across her chest.

Gibbs did not want anyone in the office to know this much about his personal life, especially not this. He joked and complained about his ex-wives all the time – they were all fair game as far as he was concerned – but this was different. The first divorce had cut the deepest, and now she had been thrown back into his life again.

"Look, Gibbs, I don't want the information for office gossip. This is my investigation and I want to know what you think this has to do with you now." Kate was getting exasperated.

He knew she was right, but it still pissed him off. "Who wanted me taken off this case, anyway?"

Kate looked down and then back at him. "Mrs. Danielle Graham, for reasons that should be obvious to you. Frankly, given your recent comments about marriage and ex-wives in particular, I'm surprised you want anything to do with this."

Gibbs face hardened; she had no idea what she was talking about. "All right, Agent Todd,

I found the picture I gave Abby taped to my front door last night. It is a picture of my first wife. It was taken in the summer of 1975, as was the one on my computer this morning. It also had a verse written on the back of it."

Gibbs turned and placed his hands on either side of Kate's head and glared at her, riveting her to the wall with his icy gaze.

"It read, 'You are fair my love, and there is no spot on you….'"

He leaned in closer his lips just inches from her. "You have ravished my heart, my sister my bride, you have ravished my heart with one look of your eyes, with one link of your necklace." He thought of Dani and what they had once suddenly it hit him like a hammer.

At that same moment Kate had had enough.

She made a fist and slammed it backward on the wall. Gibbs was startled and stepped back one step, still seemingly determined to do as he pleased as far as the investigation was concerned and to keep his own counsel.

Kate, however, was not going to be deterred. Damn it, he was not going to intimidate her. She had never worked for anyone like him. It was turning into a real love-hate relationship. He was one of the sharpest investigators she had ever worked with and he was also the most arrogant and impatient. He was a game player to the Nth degree and he wasn't going to win this one.

"Stop it." She said in an even and determined tone of voice. "I'm not going to back off. Did you or your wife write those verses on the back of the pictures?"

"No…At least I didn't. I didn't know that she still had them."

Kate pushed the button to release the elevator. She was intrigued now. "How did the pictures survive the fire?"

Gibbs looked at Kate, waiting for her to read what he was thinking.

"You think whoever is responsible for the fire is also responsible for leaving the pictures." She was getting better at reading him, though it frustrated her at times that she had to.

"What do you think?" His expression was sarcastic and not a little inpatient.

"You were ordered to leave the investigation to me, Gibbs. General Creswell notified us this morning that there will also be a JAGMAN investigation being conducted in tandem with ours. It seems that Master Chief Graham may have been an international target. He and a fellow SEAL's photographs were taken while conducting an interrogation and published in a number of newspapers. The wife has also not been cleared as a suspect."

Gibbs remembered the situation being discussed among his superiors. He never put Dani's husband into the mix. He vaguely remembered that she had married a SEAL. He smirked; she'd probably done it out of spite. He hadn't seen her in over 20 years, but he would bet his life that Dani wouldn't kill anyone.

Gibbs exited the elevators walking toward the doors out of the building.

"Gibbs, don't interfere with this….Where are you going?" Kate did not want to go to Director Morrow, but she would to keep this case from being compromised.

Gibbs stopped and turned to look at her knowing she would go to the director. "I won't go to Little Creek, Kate." He turned to walk out of the building. He wasn't going to go…yet.

1200

Monday

March 28

Smith Residence

Virginia Beach, Virginia

Harm and Faith pulled up in front of the residence. It was a beautiful home just south of Rudee Inlet in the resort area of Virginia Beach. They had been notified that Mrs. Graham was staying with her parents until she was able to make other arrangements. They both looked at each other, and then exited the car. Neither officer looked forward to having to interview Mrs. Graham to eliminate her from suspicion in the death of her husband. It had to be done, though, and Harm wanted to start here while Gunny was following up some other leads for him. An elderly and elegantly dressed woman answered the door.

"Can I help you?" The woman looked at them warily.

"I'm Commander Rabb, and this is Commander Coleman. We are from the JAG Corps, ma'am. We'd like to speak with Danielle Graham, if she is available."

Another woman walked up behind the older one. She was a beautiful woman with strawberry blond hair and striking green hazel eyes. Danielle Graham showed little sign of her 48 years, with the exception of touches of gray at her temples. She was not a frail person, though she gave off an aura of sadness.

"I'm Danielle Graham." She looked at the older woman. "Its okay, Mom, I'm expecting them." She looked at Harm and Faith. "Won't you come in?"

Harm and Faith followed her into the foyer and then to what appeared to be a formal living room.

"Can I get you anything?" Danielle Graham was being gracious, but her grief was evident on her face. Her mother hovered just outside the room, seeming reluctant to leave her alone with them. Harm and Faith declined and Danielle looked at her mother.

"I'm okay, Mom – don't worry."

"We're sorry to have to intrude at this time, ma'am, but we need to ask you a few questions," Harm began.

Danielle nodded.

Harm reached into his breast pocket and took out copies of the two photos that had been left at Gibbs's home and office. "Do you recognize these either of these pictures, ma'am?"

Danielle reached for the pictures and blanched. "How?" She paused. "These are pictures of myself and my first husband; they were taken about 30 years ago. What could this have to do with David being killed?"

"They were left in plain sight at Agent Gibbs's home and at his office. There may or may not be link, ma'am. Agent Gibbs has stated that he did not have copies of these pictures and that you were the only one who could have had them. Have you had any break-ins prior to the fire?"

Danielle thought for a moment. "We had some trouble last fall. A number of homes in our housing subdivision were also hit, but we just thought it was some kids' pranks. Nothing of value was ever taken; they usually just broke in and made a mess and got out."

"Did you have these pictures in your home at the time, ma'am?"

"Yes." It occurred to her just then that she had carried them around all these years. "I think so. I had forgotten I had them" She looked at both pictures. She barely recognized herself. She had been standing at the kitchen sink and Jethro had crept up on her and snapped the picture. She shook her head slightly.

"This was a lifetime ago." She turned the picture over and read the verse that had been copied on the back of each picture.

"Do you recognize the verse on the pictures?"

"I recognize the verse – it is from the Song of Solomon, but I didn't write this." She handed the pictures back to Harm.

"Is there a particular reason you wanted Agent Gibbs removed from this investigation?"

"I was told he would be leading the investigation over the weekend. Nothing out of the ordinary was said or done; I just felt it would be awkward. He is my ex-husband. I haven't spoken to Jethro in over 20 years."

Harm smirked and thought, 'And I thought Harmon was bad.' "Were you aware of any threats being made to your husband or yourself in the last few months, ma'am?"

"We were all concerned about the pictures of the interrogations in the paper. Some of the members of the SEAL team intend to sue. We had discussed it but hadn't acted on it yet. We thought that since we lived on base, we'd be safe. We were only supposed to be here another six months, so we just didn't think anyone could get to us there. There was no specific threat made…no."

Faith looked at Harm. "Sir, if I may?"

Harm nodded.

Faith continued. "The other break-ins that occurred in your neighborhood: were they members of the SEAL team as well?"

"No, the other team members lived off base; a lot of the men don't have families." Dani was suddenly having a difficult time believing that she was never going to see her husband again. She still expected him to walk through the door any minute, his booming laughter filling the room.

Harm asked, "Ma'am, why were you staying here instead of at your home?"

"My father had surgery early last week, so I came to stay with my mother and help her take care of him."

Harm continued to ask about the details of her weekend. It seemed obvious to him that she had not been involved. She had been with her mother or father the whole weekend.

1745

Monday

March 28

Harm and Mac's apartment

North of Union Station

Harm unlocked the door; the apartment was quiet and dark. Mac's car was outside so she had to be home. Harm looked toward the living room and saw Mac stretched out on the couch. There was just enough light outside to allow him to see her. He walked over to the couch and sat down on the coffee table. Mac had a book open and lying across her stomach, holding onto it in her sleep. He read the title and smiled and thought, 'Typical Mac…always prepared and studying motherhood.'

He stood again, leaving Mac to sleep, and took off his tie and uniform jacket. He hung them up and opened the neck of his shirt, glancing at Mac to see if she would wake. He got himself a bottle of water out of the fridge and leaned back on the kitchen island, watching. He couldn't believe his coming in hadn't caused her to wake. She hadn't worked that day, so she had been here waiting for him. He would never be able to explain it; it was old fashioned, he knew, but he loved that she was here when he came home.

Mac began to stir and turned her head to see him watching her. "Hey…how long have you been here?" She sat up and placed her book on the coffee table. She walked across the room and slipped her arms around his waist.

"I just got in; you looked so peaceful I didn't have the heart to wake you. Did you enjoy your day off?" He locked his arms around her, kissing her forehead.

"Yes I did, but I don't think I could take too much of this." It had been kind of fun to kick back for a while, but she wanted to be back at work…making a difference. That was who she was.

"Reading up on motherhood, Mac?" He raised a brow and looked at her.

"Yeah…you know, I've been thinking…we are going to need to start thinking about another place to live." She leaned back and looked at him.

He knew they needed to move, but he still didn't like to think of leaving this place. "I know."

"I don't want to move either, Harm." She leaned back and gave him a lopsided smile. She had been reading about how to equip the nursery and all the best things for the baby.

He hugged her to him more closely. "We have four and a half months, Mac. I know we need to do more than think about this. We can look around, but let's not jump into something we really don't want because the baby is coming. We'll find something…that's just right for us."

"Too bad we can't move your grandmother's house closer to Washington." When she thought of home now, she thought of the farm in Pennsylvania.

"I know I want something outside D.C., something in the direction of Blacksburg. It's a long drive there now, I know, but even if we take 25 miles off of the drive it would help. I don't want to lose Mattie, Mac."

"I don't think you have to worry about that, Harm. We had a great weekend last weekend." Mattie was bubbling over with what was happening in her life; her main focus was on getting her pilot's license. It was just a matter of time now.

"Mattie draws everyone she loves into her circle, and I think we're lucky to be included in that."

"Are you tired, honey?" Mac leaned back and looked at him.

"Not really." Harm raised his brows a bit, hopeful.

"Good…what are you making me for dinner?"

1930

Monday

March 28

Faith's Apartment

Alexandria, Virginia

Faith had just finished her shower and was combing out her hair when the phone rang. The name on the caller ID made her smile. It was Michael.

"Hello."

"Hey, how did it go with Commander Rabb?" Mike had been thinking about her off and on all day.

"It wasn't bad. He was pretty much all business. It's a tough assignment, really. I'm beginning to feel like a grief counselor." Her last two major assignments had involved the death of a spouse.

"I don't envy you that part of it."

Silence.

They both spoke at once, then laughed at themselves.

Mike began, "I thought Commander Rabb might have been giving you a bit of a hard time about…well, you know, about seeing us out at McMurphy's."

"I know, I thought he might too. It seems you're the one he likes to rib about that."

"Yeah, I guess he's not as bad as I thought."

"We didn't meet on very good circumstances. You know what kind of first impression I give, and you were trying to get him sent to Leavenworth. So I think we are fortunate that he has a sense of humor at all when it comes to us."

"Yeah, I suppose that is true. I have to say when we were TAD to Iraq last fall, my opinion of him changed. He is a lot more squared away than I thought. He kids around about the Navy-Marine thing, but he really is a fair man….I just wish he had another focus right now, since I seem to be the one he wants to mess with."

Faith laughed and agreed with him.

Mike changed the subject. "Hey, do you feel like a cup of coffee?" He hadn't seen her since Friday night. He hadn't wanted to push her; he wasn't sure what he wanted out of this himself, but he wanted to see her…alone.

"I just got out of the shower." She hesitated, then dove in. "Why don't you come over? For a cup of coffee, I mean." She blushed though she was alone in the room.

Mike hadn't expected that, but he liked the idea. "Yeah, I can do that. Are you sure, Faith?"

"Yes, I am. I'll see you in about half an hour?"

2030

Monday

March 28

Smith residence

Virginia Beach, Virginia

Dani walked out onto the deck of her parents' home. She had just helped her father to bed and left her mother reading in the living room. It was a warm night; warm for early spring, anyway. She stepped off of the deck and walked onto the sand pathway that led over the dune to the beach. The moon was full, so the night was not so dark. She needed to think and just breathe. She still had trouble grasping the fact that David was gone. He had been the anchor of her life for over 20 years. What would she do without him? Both of her sons were on their way home from different parts of the world, she needed them now.

She was used to living alone, but only because she'd known that he was coming back. That had been what sustained her. She could bear anything, because at the end of it all, she and David were together. What about the boys? Right at this moment she didn't know how she would support them when she seemed so unable to even believe what had happened herself. Aaron seemed to be the stronger of the two boys. Boys? They were men now.

Her son Aaron was in Iraq; he was on his way home now. He had chosen the military as a career, but had joined the Army. She had laughed and told him he probably had only joined the Rangers to tweak his father's nose. The thought still made her smile.

Their youngest son Matt, had chosen the Navy, he was just one year younger than his brother. He was aboard the USS Patrick Henry in the Persian Gulf.

She walked up the steps that bridged the dune and sat down on the top step, facing out to sea. She folded her arms and rested her head on them. Suddenly she thought of every cross word they had ever had, every time she had lost her temper or been impatient.

She remembered how patient he had been with her in the beginning. She'd been so raw from her first marriage. She hadn't trusted anyone, and he'd borne the brunt of it. He had loved her through it all.

Suddenly she knew that no one would ever love her like he had, and she felt the loss of it at a visceral level. She doubled over and cried so hard she couldn't catch her breath. She tried to take in big gulps of air to calm herself. She hadn't broken down in front of her mother and father, or anyone for that matter. She thanked God she was alone.

She was not alone, though. Gibbs had parked his car in front of her parents' house and had seen her walk out of the back of the house. He followed slowly behind her as she walked toward the beach. It was odd, but in shadow she looked the same as she had when they were first married. She wore boot cut jeans, she appeared to be barefoot and her hair was long flowing down her back. Her oversized shirt billowed behind her in the wind. They'd always fought about her stealing his shirts out of his closet.

He knew he shouldn't be there but he followed anyway. He reached the top of the bridge to walk across when he saw her sitting at the top of the steps, resting her head on her crossed arms. He started to walk toward her when he heard her begin to cry. The sound stopped him cold, and Gibbs knew he had no place there. This was not the time. He was grateful that there was just enough wind to cover the sound of his retreating steps. He remembered that sound, the heartbreaking sound of Dani when she finally let herself cry.

Gibbs made his way quietly to his car and left without notice. He was relieved that no one had seen him. There were a lot of unanswered questions, but they couldn't be answered tonight. It was going to be a long drive home.

2325

Monday

Gibbs residence

Gibbs leaned back on his work bench and sipped the bourbon from his cup. Who the hell could be doing this? He knew that whoever had left the pictures with the verses had to be involved in the arson at Little Creek. This person had to know enough about him to link him to Dani. Her name was not common knowledge to anyone he worked with. Someone was digging deep in his past and he did not like it at all.

He thought again of Dani, of the sound of her crying for her husband. He remembered the time she had cried for him – at the end, when she had finally given up. In his mind's eye he saw her as they stood outside the courthouse ready to go their separate ways. It was the summer of '84.

"I wish you well, Jethro; I hope you find whatever it is you need to make you happy. It sure wasn't me."

She had caught him out with someone else. It wasn't the first time but it had been the last.

"I know it doesn't matter now, but it really didn't mean anything." He'd meant to say that it wasn't her fault, but it hadn't come out that way.

"You know, I can accept everything but that. Don't say it was nothing. It changed everything." She'd looked at him directly. "I know I'll never be the same again."

She'd looked away gathering her courage. She'd still loved him but she could not stay with him anymore.

"I used to think that women who tracked their husbands down like I did that last time were pathetic. I had to, though; if I hadn't I would have taken you back. I couldn't lie to myself if I saw it with my own eyes."

"Dani…" He didn't know what he was going to say – he just wanted her to stop talking and for this conversation to be over.

She put her hand up. "No… there is nothing else to say." Tears spilled down her cheeks and she turned and started to walk away. She began to run, leaving him behind and never looking back.

They had married very young; they'd been only 18 years old. They had been very happy in the beginning. He smiled when he thought of how he used to tease her about wasting his money on living room furniture; they hadn't used it much that first year. They'd had a lot of potential for happiness, but slowly, without their knowing, it had all slipped away.

He'd made a lot of mistakes, they both had. In spite of it all, he'd thought that he would be with her forever, but looking back to that time he'd seemed to be in a cycle of destruction and his marriage had gone down with it. He had just come back from Lebanon when it all seemed to fall apart. He had been there when the car bomb hit the Marine barracks at Beirut.

Gibbs sat his cup down on his workbench, and then it struck him. Both verses on the back of the pictures mentioned Lebanon. He picked up his phone and dialed a familiar number.

A/N: The verses are taken from the Song of Solomon, from the New King James Version of the Bible.

A/N: I know this isn't the first time I've mentioned a 'six pack'. I have no excuse other than….I like them. (Smile)

Chapter 65

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG or NCIS characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or to persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything up to and including 'JAG San Diego'. Some NCIS episodes may be 'loosely' referred to.

1535

Wednesday

March 30

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Danielle Graham walked through the glass doors of the bullpen. Petty Officer Jennifer Coates approached her.

"Can I help you, ma'am?"

"Yes, I'm looking for Commander Rabb."

She was directed to Harm's office where she knocked gently on the open door. Looking up, Harm greeted her and asked her to sit down.

"Thank you. Mrs. Graham, for coming so quickly."

"It's all right. I'm in Washington to arrange my husband's burial at Arlington."

Harm picked up his phone and rang Faith's office. "Commander Coleman, Mrs. Graham has arrived. Could you join us, please?"

Faith was in his office almost immediately. She nodded toward Danielle. "Ma'am." Harm directed her to be seated.

Harm began, "We have some new information we would like to discuss with you. NCIS forensics was able to determine that Master Chief Graham died of smoke inhalation. He also sustained a blow to the back of his head, in all likelihood rendering him unconscious."

Danielle folded her arms across her chest and straightened her back, steeling herself so that she could bear what she was hearing. Even though she was deeply involved in the details of her husband's funeral, the reality was still difficult to grasp.

"At least he didn't suffer." Her voice was almost inaudible. She had been haunted by what she thought he may have gone through.

Harm continued, "Forensics was also able to determine that an accelerant was used to start the fire."

Danielle slowly shook her head, trying to make sense of what she was hearing…even though her husband had a dangerous job, she had never thought that they were anything but safe here in their own home. "I should have been home." She knew there was nothing she could have done, but she felt it just the same.

Faith spoke up. "Ma'am, if you had been, it is likely that you would be dead as well."

Danielle looked around quickly at Faith.

"I'm sorry, ma'am." Faith colored a bit and looked at Harm.

"It's all right, Commander, I know that's true." She gave her a broken smile.

"Mrs. Graham, do you know if your husband had any problems with people he worked with, either now or in the past?" Harm wanted to redirect the conversation.

"No, David got along with everyone. I was never privy to the details of their missions, but I knew about his friendships with the other members of his SEAL team. They were like brothers; I can't imagine anyone from the team doing anything to harm him."

"We are still working with NCIS on this case, ma'am. We may have questions in the future and we will keep you apprised of our progress. This may take some time."

Danielle nodded and rose from her chair. She shook hands with Faith and then with Harm. "Thank you."

Harm rose and followed her out of his office door. He watched her cross the bullpen, and just as he turned to go back into his office, he saw something in his peripheral vision.

Special Agent Gibbs stepped off of the elevator and approached Danielle. She looked at him and he felt as though the wind had been knocked out of him. She was still as beautiful as ever – a bit of gray at the crown of her head blended beautifully with her golden auburn hair. He gave no outward sign of his reaction; he never had.

"Dani?" She didn't recognize him at first. Then he saw the recognition light her face.

"Jethro?" She extended her hand and he took it.

"I'm sorry about your husband, Dani." His expression was softer than usual for Gibbs.

"Thank you and I hope you understand about my requesting that you not be involved. It was just awkward…to tell the truth, I don't know what I was thinking." She was still glad she had made the request; she just hadn't meant to cause a problem for him.

He straightened and the expression on his face hardened. He did understand, but he was still not happy about it. "I understand."

The elevator opened again and a young man in an Army uniform stepped off of the elevator. His uniform bore the decoration and insignia of an Army Ranger. His name plate read 'Graham.'

"Mom?" He looked very much like his mother, except for his eye color, a cool shade of blue.

"I'm sorry, son; I was just on my way down. Aaron, I'd like you to meet Jethro Gibbs. Jethro, my son Aaron."

The two men shook hands, the younger one giving the older man a harder and more appraising look. Aaron had been told about his mother's first marriage and he knew Gibbs had been her first husband. He nodded to Gibbs and gently but firmly placed his hand on her elbow.

"Are you ready, Mom?"

"Yes, son, I am." She smiled at Gibbs. "It was good to see you, Jethro."

"Nice meeting you, sir." Aaron then turned and guided his mother toward the elevator.

Gibbs nodded and turned to walk into the bullpen; he hadn't noticed that Harm had been watching this exchange. Harm had just returned to his desk when Gibbs knocked on his door.

"Commander Rabb, a word with you?" He then turned to look at Faith as though he were silently telling her to leave the room.

Harm looked at Faith and she stood. "Commander Coleman, you are dismissed."

"Aye, aye, sir." Faith left the room, but she knew that this had to be about the case. When she had spoken with Special Agent Todd, she'd warned her that Gibbs had not taken the news that he was off the investigation well.

Harm sat down behind his desk and motioned for Gibbs to do the same. "What can I do for you, Special Agent Gibbs?"

"This is about the case at Little Creek." Gibbs did not sit down but leaned against the bookcase near the door.

"It is my understanding that Special Agent Todd is leading the investigation."

"I'm not interfering with her investigation." Gibbs looked away as he was speaking; whether he was trying to be evasive or cryptic, Harm couldn't tell.

"So you're interfering with mine?" Harm gave him a sarcastic smile.

"Look, I have information that may help in this case – do you want it or not?" He leaned forward to push off of the bookcase, stand and walk out of the office.

Harm raised a hand. "What do you have?"

"The verse that was written on the backs of both of those pictures. They both mention Lebanon. I was there in Beirut in October '83." He leaned back again and looked at Harm. "I believe whoever sent those pictures may be linked in some way to that time."

Harm frowned. "What makes you think this is about you and not about Master Chief Graham?" He had to admit the pictures were part of the puzzle, but Gibbs's role in this still remained to be seen.

Gibbs was angry immediately. "Look…no other members of the SEAL team have been threatened, Dani is the only one who had the pictures that were sent to me, and her husband is dead, in an apparent arson. You're going to tell me this is not about me?"

Harm had heard enough. He stood and walked to his office door and closed it. "Special Agent Gibbs, I'm going to tell you that we have not completed this investigation. I'm going to give you the advice that someone once gave me. Do you remember? About conducting an investigation on my own, when it was personal?"

Harm leaned against his desk and crossed his arms. "If you have any other information, Special Agent, I would like it now. Should you be contacted in the future, I expect you to notify Special Agent Todd or myself. Withholding information and acting on your own might be misconstrued and land you in the brig. Are we clear?"

Gibbs glared at Harm; he turned, walked toward the door and opened it. "Yeah…we're clear." He looked back at Harm.

"You're too close to this, Gibbs, and you know it," Harm warned.

Gibbs turned and kept walking toward the glass doors of the bullpen.

Harm knew what it was like to be involved in something so close to him personally. He knew from experience how disastrous it could be. He also knew that Gibbs knew better than this. It seemed that this time Gibbs was running on emotion, as though this were close to his heart. Harm didn't know what surprised him more: that he was acting this way or that anyone or anything got close to Gibbs's heart.

Just as Special Agent Gibbs walked out of the bullpen, Mac was walking in. She didn't notice Gibbs because she had her eyes focused on Harm. The look on her face caused Harm to freeze in place. Something was wrong. She was pale, her expression a mask, something was not right at all.

"Mac?"

"Harm, can I speak with you in your office?" She walked past him as he stood near the doorway. He stepped inside and closed the door.

"What is it, Mac?" He stood in front of her as she slowly eased into the chair.

"I've been hurting all day." Mac placed her hand on her lower abdomen on the left side.

"What do you mean? I mean...where?" Harm's heart was in his throat. It was as though all his fears about their having a baby were being realized.

"My incision, the place where I had my surgery, it has been hurting all day. I didn't think it was anything at first – it just stung a bit after I ran this morning, but now…" She looked up at Harm, her eyes filled with fear. "Oh, Harm, what if I hurt the baby?"

Harm was already turning and picking up the phone to dial General Creswell's office. "Jen, I need to speak with the general, now." He turned back and reached for her hand, gently grasping it.

"I'll get him, sir." Jen heard the insistence in his voice. He didn't usually speak to her that way. She knew something had to be wrong. "I'll transfer you now, sir."

Harm told the general that Mac needed to get to Bethesda right away and that he was going with her. The general gave his permission without hesitation.

"Keep us apprised, Commander."

"Yes sir."

Faith had returned to Commander Rabb's office to arrange tomorrow's meeting to discuss their investigation. She started to knock when Harm opened the door.

"Commander Coleman, I will be out of the office the rest of the day and possibly tomorrow." Harm had his cover and was guiding Mac out of the office. "I will be in touch with you tomorrow morning."

Faith had sensed immediately that something was wrong. "Yes sir." She stepped back to allow them to pass.

It seemed everyone in the office knew. The air was filled with tension and suddenly became very quiet. Mike walked to his office doorway and looked at Faith. She walked over to him.

"I hope everything is okay." Mike looked at her and raised his brows.

She nodded. "I do too." It wouldn't be fair if they were to lose this child. They had been her ideal of the 'happily ever after' couple. Because of them she believed happiness was possible, in spite of everything.

1830

Wednesday

March 30

National Naval Medical Center

Bethesda, Maryland

Mac lay on the exam table with her head elevated. She had been examined thoroughly, and the baby was being monitored; she could hear its heart beating. Every beat reassured her that everything would be all right. Harm walked into the room.

"Hey." His expression much more relaxed than it had been when they arrived.

"Did you talk to Commander Fletcher?"

"Yes, she wants you to stay tonight." Harm raised his brows, as though he were trying the idea out on her.

"I know."

"I think you should, Mac." He knew she would be difficult about this.

"I know – I just hate the thought of it, though. It's just the scar tissue from my surgery, Harm."

"I would feel a lot better if you would let them keep a close eye on you." He stood beside her and took her hand in both of his. "You gave us both a pretty good scare today, you know?"

She knew he was right. Commander Fletcher had told them that the baby was fine. Mac's pain was not about the baby but about her incision. She would have to exercise more conservatively and the doctor also wanted Mac to stay home until the following Monday.

"I'm sorry."

"Hey, I didn't mean that it was your fault. I just want to be careful now, that's all." Harm leaned in closer and kissed her on the cheek.

She sighed, resigning herself to staying at the hospital. "Oh, all right… but you should go home. There is no sense in both of us being stuck here all night."

"No." Harm's look was loving but very firm.

Mac looked at him directly in the eye and gave him a sly smile. "You're really loving having the upper hand here, aren't you, Flyboy?"

He returned her smile. "Yes, as a matter of fact I am…so no arguments. I called Jen. She's bringing me a change of clothes, and the general gave me tomorrow off, so we're all set."

"Enjoy it while you can, Sailor, because when I get better you are in a lot of trouble." She reached for him and pulled him down closer so that they were face to face.

"Promises, promises." With that he kissed her softly on the lips. She answered that with a sharp nip to his bottom lip.

"Hey…no biting." He stepped back and chuckled.

1900

Jen's apartment

Alexandria, Virginia

Gunny sat in his truck, waiting for Jen to come downstairs. She had called and let him know about Commander Rabb's call. They had planned to have dinner that night. He had offered to pick her up, drive her over and then have a late dinner after. Jen walked out of her apartment building toward him and as she did she passed a young man walking in. The man turned to watch Jen as she passed him. A slow smile spread across Gunny's face. Jen was totally oblivious to the man's attention. Her focus was on him, returning his smile as she walked to the passenger's side of the vehicle and opened the door.

"Hey…what are you smiling about?" Jen got in and leaned across the seat to kiss his cheek.

"Can't I smile if I want to?" He knitted his brow but kept his smile in place. The young man who had been watching got the message that Jen was taken. He shrugged his shoulders and continued to walk into the building. In a few moments, without even knowing it, Jen had made Gunny feel 10 ten feet tall.

"Yes, of course you can…you just look like the cat that ate the canary. What are you up to?"

Gunny put the truck into gear and began backing out of the parking place. "Not a thing."

One hour later…

Gunny and Jen had gone to Harm and Mac's apartment and picked up changes of clothes for both of them. Gunny was a little uncomfortable being there, but Jen seemed to treat the place like a second home. They were on their way in just a matter of minutes and now were approaching the hospital.

"I hope everything is okay for the colonel." Gunny had always looked up to Mac; she was the reason he'd come to JAG in the first place. He had been a witness to the things that Harm and Mac had been through together, the good and the bad. He just hoped all would be well in this situation.

"The commander said that the baby was fine and that the colonel was too. That's enough for me." Jennifer was determined to look at this in a positive way. It was one of the things that Gunny liked about her. She was direct and to the point and had more hope than someone with her background would be expected to have.

They were in the building shortly thereafter. Harm heard Jennifer asking for Colonel Rabb's room number. He had told her what floor Mac would be on but didn't have the room number when he talked to her. He walked out into the hallway.

"Jen?" He looked at the petty officer at the nurses' station. "It's okay, Petty Officer, we're expecting them."

Gunny and Jen walked toward Harm and into the room. Mac was lying in the hospital bed with her head elevated. Her eyes were closed; both Jen and Gunny hesitated, not wanting to disturb the colonel.

"She's not asleep, it's all right," Harm reassured them.

Gunny still felt ill at ease in a situation this intimate with a superior officer. He didn't think he would ever reach Jen's comfort level with the officers she worked for. Mac opened her eyes and turned toward them, pulling up her sheet a bit more.

"Hello, Jen…Gunny. Thanks for helping us out with this. I tried to send Harm home, but he's not taking orders very well these days." She gave Harm an indulgent smile. "I hope you didn't have to alter your plans for us."

"Not at all, ma'am. We were just going to grab a late dinner anyway." Jen was glad to be the one that the commander called on when he needed help, no matter how small the task was. She still felt she owed him a great deal

"It's not a problem, ma'am." Gunny was still very uncomfortable. He wanted to finish this conversation and get the hell out of there. He didn't like seeing the colonel this way; there was something backward about it. He was used to Colonel Mackenzie Rabb, the kick ass no-nonsense Marine. This was not a natural state for her as far as he was concerned and he just didn't like it.

Jen could sense how Gunny was feeling, so she did cut the conversation short and they left very shortly thereafter.

"Gunny and Jen, huh?" Mac smiled at Harm. He sat down on a stool beside her bed.

"Yeah, I think something is going on there, all right." Harm was thoughtful for a moment. "He's a good guy, Mac. Jen could do a lot worse." He knew without a doubt if Gunny and Jen were to have a permanent relationship that Jen would always be taken care of. He still felt a responsibility toward her. He had accepted a long time ago that he always would.

Mac shrugged her shoulders, "Yeah, I suppose so. They are complete opposites, though."

Harm raised his eyebrows, feigning a look of wonder. "Oh…really?"

Mac swatted at him, missing on purpose. "You know what I mean. Jen is so outspoken, bordering on insubordination at times. Gunny is a by the book Marine, totally squared away. On the outside, they don't seem to have a lot in common."

Harm considered that statement. "I could think of a lot of things that I know from personal experience. They are both loyal, dedicated to their jobs and their friends. They are both brave on a lot of levels. They both had things to overcome from their lives when they were young. They joined the military and changed their lives, really." He looked at Mac, waiting for her to answer.

"Harmon Rabb…have you gone and gotten deep on me?" She smiled at him mischievously.

Harm chuckled. "I wouldn't go that far." His smile faded when he suddenly thought of Gunny literally saving his life when they were in Iraq. He was the reason he was sitting there today. Harm reached over and placed his hand on Mac's stomach.

"Honey, what is it?" Mac placed her hand over his.

"I was just thinking…" He looked into her eyes then back at where his hand was resting on her stomach.

Mac waited.

"About when the gunny and I were in Iraq. He really did save my life that day, Mac. I could have died that day and never…" He looked back up at her again. He was running out of words, and he didn't want to be too emotional, not now.

"You've never really talked about that day, you know."

"This isn't the time." 'Please, Mac…don't push,' he thought.

She began to stroke the back of his hand where it lay on her stomach. "Maybe not…but you need to talk about this. It doesn't have to be with me, Harm."

"I'm not trying to shut you out, Mac. I just…"

"This was up close and personal…I do understand."

Harm looked at her and saw patience and love in her eyes. He stood up from the stool and then sat back down on the side of her bed.

"Is this okay?" He just wanted to get a little closer to her. He leaned down and kissed her cheek and then her lips.

"It's more than okay…though if you keep kissing me like that, I might not let you leave."

Her lips were just inches away from his.

"You know…that is the second threat I've gotten from you tonight. What is up with that, Mrs. Rabb?"

Mac smiled at him. "Just trying to keep the Sailor in line…in my weakened state."

Gunny and Jen approached his truck and he unlocked the door on the passenger's side of the vehicle. He had been quiet since they left the colonel's room. Jen stood in the open doorway of the vehicle.

"Victor?" She never really knew how to take the silences with him; they came out of nowhere sometimes.

He stood in front of her and gazed intensely into her eyes.

"Are you okay? Did I stick my foot in my mouth again?" Jennifer waited slightly unnerved by the look in his eyes.

"No." Victor's expression did not change.

Gunny had been thinking since he picked her up that it was time to tell her how he felt about her. They had seen each other often in the time since he returned from Iraq. To say he enjoyed being with her would be an understatement. He couldn't remember when he had been as happy as he had been in the last few weeks. Outside of a few good night kisses and cuddling up when they watched movies at her apartment or his, he hadn't been very aggressive in his showing his affection for her. He had definitely been holding back. He was having a great time with her; he didn't want to move too fast and spoil it.

Seeing the long look she got as she came out of her apartment building made him see that he had better make his intentions known. He was through waiting; he just didn't know where to begin.

"Jen…I know that you've noticed that I've been taking…it kind of slow…" This was just not coming out right. "I just want you to know that…I…"

Jen stepped closer to him and slipped her arms into his jacket and around his waist, making him swallow hard. She meant to reassure him but she literally felt his heart rate speed up.

"That you mean a lot to me…you're special…I…" Gunny was looking at her mouth, he just wanted to kiss her senseless.

Jen kissed him quickly and drew back. "Victor, you talk too much."

She kissed him again, and he deepened the kiss, pushing her back against the side of the truck. She pulled him even closer; this was what she had been waiting for. She had begun to think that Victor wasn't attracted to her this way, that she was just someone to spend some time with.

But his kiss was putting all of those thoughts out of her head; his embrace molding his body tightly against hers told her everything she needed to know.

TBC


	25. Chapter 25

Will You Always Be There?

Chapter 66

Disclaimers: I do not own any of the JAG or NCIS characters. I don't own any of the products or labels mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or person living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything up to 'JAG San Diego' and any spoiler floating around out there.

Some NCIS eps may be 'loosely' referred to.

A/N: Many thanks to aero girl for her beta reading skills and encouragement.

A/N: We are winding up the NCIS story line in this chapter; we will be more JAG and Harm and Mac centric from now on. Thank you for your indulgence while I swung out into NCIS land. (I have started an NCIS story from these characters that I will post on that board in the next week or so.)

0600

Thursday

March 31

Victor Galindez's apartment

Alexandria, Virginia

Jen was startled awake by an alarm clock, and nearly bolted out of the bed. She was disoriented at first and didn't remember where she was. She pushed the button on top of the alarm and stepped back from it. Then realization came, and she calmed down, placing her hand on her chest and slowing her breathing. Where was Victor? The apartment was quiet; she could smell coffee brewing, though, and thought he was in the kitchen.

She wrapped herself in a sheet from the bed and went to look for him. She padded into the living room and looked into the kitchen, then into the open door of the bathroom. He wasn't there. Jen's heart sank. She didn't really know what to think. Last night had been…wonderful. She thought he had enjoyed being with her too. She walked further into the kitchen, deciding that she might as well make a cup of coffee. Neither of them had slept very much and she would need it, so she figured she could even handle Victor's strong coffee today.

She walked to the counter where the coffee pot sat and noticed a note with her name at the top, sitting next to a clean coffee cup. It read:

'Jen –

Sorry I had to get out of here early.

I didn't want to wake you.

I forgot that I'm supposed to meet the general for a run this morning.

Last night was great.

Meet me here at 1800?

Victor'

She smiled to herself, feeling foolish for the panic she'd felt. She should have known he wouldn't have just walked away without saying anything. She poured herself a cup of coffee and walked to the window to look out. She saw that Victor's truck was gone and then she realized that she didn't have her car.

'Oh my God,' she thought – how was she going to get to work? Something else Victor had forgotten about. Calling anyone from work was out of the question. She scrambled to the phone, praying that her roommate was still there. Alicia answered, and after much begging and promises of fresh bagels for a week she agreed to leave early, pick Jen up and let her get her car.

Later that morning, Jen was walking into the bullpen from the elevators and passed Victor on her way to her desk.

"Did you enjoy your run?" She smiled at him sweetly.

"Yes, I did." He gave her a knowing look.

"I had a busy morning too." She turned to walk toward her desk. "I had to go get my car."

Gunny had already started walking toward his desk when he froze in place. He had completely forgotten. He turned and started to follow Jen when he heard General Creswell call for her. Jen turned to walk into his office and noticed Gunny's expression. She gave him a quick wink and stepped into the general's office.

When she had finished with the general she gave Gunny a call at his desk.

"Gunnery Sergeant Galindez…what seems to be the problem with your memory lately?"

She leaned forward so that she could see him from where she spoke on the phone.

Gunny smiled into the phone. "My apologies, Petty Officer. I think I'm being distracted by some of the naval personnel here. One petty officer in particular has caused several lapses in memory lately." He looked in her direction.

Bud walked into the bullpen and noticed Gunny talking on the phone and looking in Jen's direction.

"Gunny?"

Gunny snapped his head toward him. "Yes, sir?"

"I need a word with you after staff call. I'm going to need you to follow up on a few things for me."

"Yes sir." He still had Jen on the line. "I'll talk with you later, Petty Officer."

"Yes… you will." She smiled smugly and hung up her phone.

1600

Monday

April 4

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Virginia

Mrs. Rabb pulled her Jeep up the drive way and parked it in front of the house. Today had been a very long day. Jack O'Reilly had had a stroke. She had been at the hospital for the last two days. Sam had called her early Saturday morning asking her to come to the hospital in Altoona. Jack was her oldest and dearest friend. He had known her husband and his parents. It was almost as though he was her link to her past, her happy past.

She got out of the vehicle stiffly and walked toward the house. She was being reminded just now that she was not as young as she used to be. She had been sleeping on a cot to be near Jack, to reassure Sam and also herself, if truth be told. She placed a hand to her back, heaving a heavy sigh, and walked up the steps to her porch.

The therapist in her wanted to get Jack moving as soon as he was conscious. His doctors said he would be evaluated in the next 24 to 48 hours. He had come out of the stroke without apparent permanent damage. He had seemed so much frailer, though. He was weaker on one side but was testing out well with sensation on both sides. Jack had recognized her and had spoken to her in the last 24 hours, but Mrs. Rabb knew she was losing him because he was more frail than he had ever been.

She walked into her house and started her coffee, and suddenly she felt so lonely. She felt as though she had been left behind and that all the people who shared her memories were gone. She shook herself mentally and thought, 'Get hold of yourself, Sarah.' She knew she was just feeling sorry for herself and that this was no way to be. She had her health, she had Harm and Sarah and the new baby coming this summer. She even had that old rascal Jack Keeter, when he would slow down long enough to visit. Mrs Rabb was pulled from her thoughts by the telephone ringing.

"Hello?" Her voice sounded gravelly from emotion.

"Grandma?" She didn't sound like herself at all.

"Harmon, yes…how are you, son?" She cleared her throat.

She sounded distracted and Harm was concerned immediately. "Are you okay?"

"Yes…I'm fine. I just got in; I guess I should have called."

"What's going on?"

"It's Jack…he had a stroke…two days ago." It seemed more like a month ago.

"My God...Is he all right?" Harm knew that his grandmother and Jack O'Reilly had a special friendship.

"He's recovering. I've been at the hospital in Altoona since Saturday."

"You must be exhausted. I can call back later if you like."

"No, no. To be honest with you, I needed to hear from you today. You must have radar, son."

She smiled in spite of herself. She loved her grandson. The very sight of him or the sound of his voice could lift her heart. "What's happening with you, anyway?"

"I was just going to let you know that Mac went back to work today and she's fine." Harm looked at Mac, who was sitting at a chair in front of his desk. She was frowning with concern as she listened to Harm's side of the conversation.

Mrs. Rabb was relieved; she had been worried about her since Harm's phone call last Wednesday. "Oh, that's good to hear. Let me speak with her for a moment."

Harm reached across his desk and nodded toward Mac. "She wants to talk to you." He handed her the phone.

"Sarah?" Mac stood in front of Harm's desk.

"Hello, Mac. Tell me something good and then I'll fill you in on what's going on with me. I know you must be wondering after listening to Harm."

"Yes I am, and I did go back to work today, although I'm feeling like a lightweight these days. No more running for me per doctor's orders, but I can keep exercising, just not as vigorously as before."

"It won't last long, Mac – that baby will be here before you know it. Are you still having any pain?" She sounded more like the clinician than the grandmother just now.

"No, I really am fine. Harm's been hovering like an old mother hen."

She gave him an indulgent smile and he returned it with a wink. Harm knew Mac was teasing and that she appreciated that he was there for her.

"Okay, Sarah, I told you about me, now tell me what's going on with you."

Mrs. Rabb told her about Jack but tried to put her usual positive light on the situation. Mac knew her well enough to know that she wasn't telling it all. Something was getting her down; she could hear it in her voice.

"Will you be going back to the hospital soon?" Just then Mac had visions of Mrs. Rabb lying uncomfortably on a waiting room sofa trying to sleep.

"Yes, he will be evaluated for physical therapy in the next couple of days." Sam had insisted she go home until Wednesday and then she could alternate days with him and his wife Kathie.

"So you're just making sure they do it right?"

"Something like that." She grinned sheepishly.

"I was going to suggest you come and visit; I thought it might be nice to get you into the city for a couple of days."

"Don't worry about me, Mac, I'll get out of this funk I'm in. I just need a little rest and then to get back to the hospital."

"Worrying about you is my prerogative as your granddaughter-in-law. I still want you to consider it, Sarah…after things are settled with Jack."

"I can't argue with that…granddaughter-in-law." She liked the sound of that.

They ended the call shortly thereafter, with Mrs. Rabb promising to keep them posted on Jack's progress.

0630

Tuesday

April 5

NCIS Headquarters

Washington Navy Yard

A picture of a beautiful young woman was taped to the top of Special Agent Gibbs's desk, placed dead center. It was a picture of the then Danielle Smith. On the back was written in fading blue ink:

'To Jethro,

With all my love,

Dani'

There was also a verse written on the back of the picture as had been with the two previous pictures that Gibbs had received.

'Nevertheless I have this against you,

That you have left your first love.'

The cleaning crews were the only people who had access to the office after hours. One of the crew members had been approached by a young man one afternoon at the beginning of his shift who'd asked him to help him play a practical joke. He placed the picture at the designated desk. The young man had said that he and a man who worked here had been college friends; he had paid him fifty dollars for his trouble. This was the second time he had done this for him. It was an easy way to make a little extra money and harmless as far as he was concerned. He was well dressed and had seemed sophisticated. He was surprised the man had even spoken to him; the cleaning staff was invisible to most people.

0730

Tuesday

April 5

Smith residence

Virginia Beach, Virginia

Dani walked into the kitchen to get her coffee before taking what had become her daily walk on the beach. She took a sip of her coffee and walked to the sliding glass doors off of the kitchen. She was startled by an object that appeared to be taped to the glass. Taking a closer look, she saw that it was a picture of her and Jethro.

It had been taken at one of her family gatherings. She and Jethro were sitting on the beach. She sat between his legs and he had encircled her in his arms. They were looking lovingly into each other's eyes. Another forgotten picture, but one so intimate she wanted to grab it and hide it from anyone who might see it. She was embarrassed, even though no one else was in the room. She reached for it but then realized that it was taped to the outside of the glass.

She immediately opened the door and took the picture from it. It dawned on her then that someone had been this close to her parents' house, someone who very well could have murdered her husband. Commander Rabb had not said that the pictures and her husband's murder were related but that they might be. She considered calling Special Agent Todd but then thought better of it. She would call Commander Rabb at JAG; they were working with NCIS. She didn't want to deal with Jethro, not even indirectly. She had just buried her husband – she didn't need this now.

Composing herself, she brought the picture inside. She saw the dark writing on the back of the picture and turned it over to read it. One part of the writing had been what she had written: 'September 1978 at Mom and Dad's' in fading blue ink. The rest was written in stark black:

'For love is strong as death,

Jealousy is as cruel as the grave'

Dani had the most terrible sense of foreboding. She reconsidered her decision to call Commander Rabb immediately. What if someone were to kill Jethro too? She couldn't let ancient history be the cause of someone else being killed. She went to her purse and took Special Agent Todd's card out of her wallet.

0900

Tuesday

April 5

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Major McBurney followed Commander Coleman back to her office after staff call. He and Lieutenant Vukovic had been assigned to a case out of San Diego. It was a court martial of a Marine accused of killing a Nicaraguan civilian during a humanitarian mission. He would be prosecuting and the lieutenant would be defending. They would also be attending the annual JAG conference along with Lieutenant Tali Mayfield. She had been welcomed aboard on Monday.

Faith turned to look at Mike as he sat down, taking in the scowl on his face.

"Aren't you looking forward to San Diego?"

"No, not really." He looked away from her, not wanting to make eye contact.

"Care to elaborate?" She thought it might be about his apparent dislike of Lieutenant Vukovic.

He looked at her directly. "You know why I'm not looking forward to going out there. I might as well have been designated 'babysitter' with Vukovic and now the new lieutenant." He rolled his eyes. "They've got some kind of history, from what I understand… maybe I should be designated the chaperone too."

Faith was surprised; she knew that Michael thought Lieutenant Vukovic was a pain in the ass, but this looked like real resentment. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's nothing." Mike sat forward, resting his forearms on his thighs.

"Okay…now you're starting to worry me. What is it?" She folded her arms across her chest.

"All right…remember the night we… the night we went to McMurphy's. The night he came in as we were finishing dinner?"

"Yes." The color started to rise in her cheeks. She would never forget that night as long as she lived. She had never been kissed like that in her life – and she had never kissed back like that before, either.

"The few times we have been alone in the same room, in the break room or in my office, he keeps bringing that night up. Just stupid little details that no one would even think about. Like how warm the weather was that night or how great the steaks are at McMurphy's. Once he even said something about the parking lot being dark and that they should have it lighted better."

Faith sat forward in her seat. "Why didn't you say something?"

"What would I say…that he commented on the weather?"

He sat back and looked at Faith for a long moment. He hadn't wanted to tell her because it took her so long to let anyone close. He believed his hunch about something not being quite right with Vukovic had been correct. He also thought Vukovic was just the kind of person who could send Faith right back into her shell.

Faith returned his look. "You didn't think I could handle it…did you?"

Mike looked away from her. "I just didn't want to go back to the way it was before, Faith." He looked at her. "I have really enjoyed our time together."

Faith was touched that he felt that way, but didn't like it that he thought she was that fragile. "I appreciate that, Michael, but I'm not as fragile as you think."

He looked at his watch. "I have to get going. I have to be at Andrews by 1300." He stood and walked toward the open door. He turned and looked at her. "I should have talked with you about this. I'm sorry."

She smiled at him; he could get under her skin faster than anyone she had ever met. "Apology accepted."

As he started out of the room, he said, "I guess I need a little more…Faith." He couldn't keep from chuckling when he heard Faith's sharp intake of breath. He walked briskly back toward his office.

"All right, McBurney." She stood and walked around her desk to follow him when Commander Rabb appeared in her doorway.

"Commander Coleman, we just got a call from Special Agent Todd. We are to be at NCIS headquarters by 1000."

Faith stopped immediately and returned to her normal closed expression. Her face was still flushed, so much so that the commander asked her if she was all right. She had picked up her cover and closed her office door. She assured the commander that she was fine as she secretly glared at Michael across the bullpen.

0945

NCIS headquarters

Washington Navy Yard

Gibbs walked into the office swiftly. Kate could feel him walk into the room without having heard or seen him. He was furious and she knew why. He had somehow found out about the picture that was left at his ex-wife's parents' house.

"Kate! Where the hell are Dinozzo and McGee?"

Kate calmly closed the file she had been reviewing and started to stand up. Gibbs was in her face before she even had a chance to push her chair back.

"You'd better have someone covering Dani's family in Virginia Beach, Kate. What the hell are you doing? Are you going to wait till someone kills them, too?"

Before Kate had a chance to answer or react they both heard the booming voice of their director.

"Special Agent Gibbs!"

Gibbs backed off from Kate and looked up to see his boss waiting.

"My office…now."

Gibbs looked back at Kate for a moment. "This isn't over."

Director Morrow heard what had been said. "Special Agent Gibbs…." He turned to walk toward his office, and Gibbs followed him.

Director Morrow walked to his desk and sat down. "Close the door."

Gibbs did as he was asked. He was silent as he sat down in front of the director's desk.

"You have been advised to stay clear of this investigation, Gibbs."

"It's difficult to do when I keep getting thrown back into the middle of it." He looked at his boss directly.

"I'm aware of the situation; however, I am only going to tell you this once more. Stay out of Special Agent Todd's investigation."

"Director Morrow, I…"

The director raised a hand to stop him. "I heard your…concerns as you stated them earlier to Special Agent Todd. There is a security detail at Mrs. Graham's parents' home. There has been since the incident at Little Creek. Special Agents Dinozzo and McGee are following up with Mrs. Graham as we speak."

He paused for a moment, knowing that Gibbs would realize that someone had seen him at the Smiths' residence immediately after he had been directed not to stay off this case.

"Yes, you were seen there, but since you did not approach Mrs. Graham and up until this morning have not involved yourself, I was willing to let that go. I will not, however, tolerate anymore of this behavior, Special Agent. I want you to go home; as a matter of fact, I want you out of here for at least three days. Do whatever you have to do but stay out of this case, understood." The director leaned forward on his desktop and raised his brows.

Gibbs was barely controlling his anger, but he would do ask he was asked. He would stay out of the office, for three days, anyway. He nodded an affirmative.

"That will be all then, Special Agent."

Gibbs stood and left the office. He walked directly to the elevators and met Harm and Faith coming off of them. He brushed past Harm, nearly knocking him backward.

"Nice to see you too, Gibbs." Harm turned and brushed the sleeve of his uniform.

Gibbs looked at him but said nothing as the elevator doors closed. Harm arched an eyebrow and looked at Faith. "Not an easy person to deal with, is he, Commander?"

"No, sir." She gave him a pained smile. The special agent could be a great guy to count on in a tough situation, but more often than not, in the everyday, he was a bastard.

2330

Tuesday

April 5

Harm and Mac's apartment

North of Union Station

Harm lay awake listening to Mac's restful breathing as she slept. He had been mulling over the Graham case in his mind. He just couldn't put Gibbs into the middle of this somehow. The pieces just didn't fit and yet they were linked.

He and Mac both lay on their sides, spooning as usual. Mac leaned into him slightly and he pulled her closer. She drew a deep breath and seemed to slip further into sleep. He reached down and softly caressed her stomach, scooping his hand low to hold the baby in his hand. Mac was showing a bit more now, but she still carried this pregnancy well. She was as beautiful as ever to him and he had told her so. He felt a light thump under his hand and couldn't keep from smiling. He was still so fascinated with the fact of the baby. He couldn't wait until her next ultrasound; he wanted to see how much the baby had grown and that she was all right.

The phone rang, startling Harm and waking Mac.

Harm answered, "Rabb."

"Commander Rabb, this is Special Agent Todd. There has been a huge break in the Graham case. Meet me at headquarters NCIS in an hour. I don't think Commander Coleman should accompany you – she may not have clearance."

"What?"

"I'm sorry to sound so cryptic, Commander, but it is necessary, and once you have the details I'm sure you will understand why."

Harm looked at the clock. "I'll be there."

"Great." With that she ended the call.

"Harm?" Mac wiped the sleep from her eyes.

"It's about the Graham investigation. I have to meet Special Agent Todd at NCIS." He frowned. "This should be interesting."

He dressed quickly and kissed Mac, who followed him to the door and locked it.

Same time

Gibbs residence

Jethro Gibbs stood sipping his bourbon from his coffee mug, taking a rest from his boat building…in his basement. His cell phone rang and he picked it up. "Gibbs."

"Special Agent Gibbs?"

"Fornell?" He recognized the voice of FBI Agent T.C. Fornell.

"That's right. How quickly can you meet me at headquarters NCIS?"

"What do you have?"

"Let's just say I have some information that will tie up Special Agent Todd's case along with the JAGMAN investigation."

"I have been given specific instructions from my superior not to involve myself in this case."

"The director will be here as well. He is aware that I'm calling you."

"I'm on my way."

Chapter 67

Disclaimers: I do not own any of the JAG or NCIS characters. I do not own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything up to and including "JAG San Diego" and some NCIS episodes may be 'loosely' referred to, particularly 'Reveille' and 'Bete Noir'. I may also include some references to spoilers from any number of spoiler boards floating around out there.

0045

Wednesday

April 6

NCIS Headquarters

Washington Navy Yard

Director Morrow stood just inside the glass doors of the building, watching Special Agent Gibbs walk toward him. The director knew that he was not going to take what he would learn tonight, well. There was no way around it: they had gotten a hell of a break, though the source may not be to the special agent's liking.

Gibbs joined his boss and each gave the other an acknowledging nod. He followed the director into the building and onto the elevators. When Morrow pushed the button to the basement and the morgue, Gibbs frowned at him, seeming to question him.

"It is our most secure area for this meeting, Special Agent," he answered perceptively.

The elevators opened, and Gibbs saw Kate and Commander Rabb just inside the doors to the morgue. Gibbs was beginning to feel cornered. Something about this did not feel right. It seemed as though everyone was in on the story but him and he didn't like it at all. He walked inside the doors, glancing for a few seconds at Harm and Kate but not acknowledging them.

Harm and Kate looked at each other; Harm had already been briefed before Gibbs had arrived.

He looked back at the director. "Where is Fornell?"

"He will be here momentarily." The director looked toward the doors leading to the basement garage which housed all vehicles used by the medical examiner.

As though on cue, the doors opened and T.C. Fornell walked in, followed by a man dressed in business attire, his eyes shielded by the position of the hat he wore. As they approached the group, Fornell raised his hand and the man accompanying him stopped.

"We have the individuals responsible for the arson and murder at Little Creek."

Gibbs looked hard at the man who had yet to look up and allow his face to be seen. "Is this your informant?"

Fornell nodded the affirmative.

"Do you mind if I question him?" Gibbs's voice was taking on a sarcastic edge.

Just then the man began to look up and he spoke. "You may ask me anything you like, Special Agent Gibbs." He recognized the man's smug and mocking smile right away.

"Ari…" Gibbs held his temper but he took one step toward him. Harm and Agent Fornell stepped closer to Gibbs.

"Why the hell would you do anything to help us with this?"

Ari had taken Kate hostage in this building, and he had shot and wounded one of his people – Jackson had still not returned to full duty. He had not been able to prosecute him due to his Mousaad/ Hamas double agent status. Gibbs had been able to repay Ari to a degree; he had given him a shoulder injury much the same as Ari had given Jackson.

Ari feigned offense and said, "Why would I not help you, Gibbs? We are friends, are we not? We have so many…shared experiences." He returned to his mocking smile.

"Enough Ari." Kate turned toward Gibbs. "The pictures were not related to the arson and murder at Little Creek."

He looked at Kate as though he did not believe her, but said nothing. Kate looked at Ari.

"It was part of a game he was playing."

Ari answered, "You should not have shot me…I was in a great deal of pain for many weeks."

"What the hell are you talking about? If you knew about this, why didn't you come forward before Master Chief Graham was killed?" He was stepping closer.

"I was made aware only after the fact, Special Agent Gibbs." Ari placed his hand on his chest. "I would never withhold that kind of information. We are on the same side my friend, brothers in arms…in the war on terror."

"Brothers in arms don't shoot or torture each other…my friend." Gibbs returned his apparent sarcasm.

"Who got access to those pictures and why were they sent to me and to my ex-wife?"

Ari smiled. "Ah…yes…Dani, such a lovely woman." His voice took on the same quality it had when he taunted her about Kate or Jackson.

Gibbs understood then that it had been Ari who tormented him…them. He had used this opportunity to get back at him. Gibbs did not believe him. He swiftly stepped closer and Fornell and Harm stepped up, keeping Ari out of Gibbs's reach.

"Why the hell should we believe him?" Gibbs wanted to break his neck.

Ari stepped back, enjoying the effect of his taunt on his nemesis.

Kate spoke up. "The evidence we gathered at the crime scene is directly linked to the individuals that Ari informed us of."

"That doesn't mean that he is innocent. There is more to this. "He could feel it in his gut. He knew that Ari wasn't doing this out of the goodness of his heart. Harm and Fornell had backed off slightly, allowing Gibbs to see him.

"Your lack of faith wounds me, Special Agent Gibbs."

He had gotten what he came for that night. He had seen the result of the torment he was able to place in the special agent's mind.

"I must say, though, that your perseverance in your investigation impressed me. Although I do hope your superiors will look into security lapses in this building. You never know who might be able to breach it and get all the way in, even into your office, Special Agent Gibbs."

Gibbs had reigned himself in and decided to return the jab.

"Is your shoulder healing nicely, Ari?"

He would never regret shooting him; he wished he could have done more. He hated double agents. The only thing their existence proved was that there were people who had no loyalty, other than to themselves. In trusting them there was a 50 chance that you would be the one betrayed. With so much at stake, he didn't think that percentage was high enough to warrant his trust.

"I'm doing very well, thank you for your concern." The false sentiment hung in the air.

The director spoke. "This is over. Fornell, get him out of here."

Fornell and Ari had turned and were walking toward the doors with Gibbs's piercing gaze following them. Just as Ari walked out the door he looked over his shoulder at Gibbs; his sarcastic and smug smile continuing to taunt him. This was not over, and they both knew it.

"Commander Rabb, you will advise the Judge Advocate General of what has transpired here, with the proper discretion. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir." The director's implication was that Ari's role in the capture of the suspects would never be officially acknowledged.

The director looked at Kate. "If you and the commander will excuse us?"

Harm and Kate began to walk toward the elevators.

"I will expect a full report on my desk by 1300 tomorrow, Special Agent."

Kate acknowledged his request and they exited the room. She walked with Harm to the entrance of the building.

"You understand now why Commander Coleman could not accompany you?"

"Yes, I do." He paused just inside the doors before walking out. "Sounds like its pretty personal between Ari and Gibbs."

Kate nodded. "We had an incident last year. Ari took a hostage and wounded a member of our forensics team. Gibbs never really got over Ari's ability to walk away from the incident with impunity due to his double agent status."

"Spy games." Harm shook his head and looked at the special agent, suddenly glad he was at JAG and not playing spook anymore.

"Yeah." She wasn't really wild about them either but they were a fact of life here.

"I have to agree with Gibbs, though; I don't think Ari did this out of the goodness of his heart. It has been my experience that no spook ever does anything if there isn't something in it for him and all the other players in the game be damned."

Kate looked at Harm without answering, her expression guarded.

"The arson of the home and the murder of a SEAL who –happened- to be Gibbs's ex-wife was no coincidence, Special Agent Todd. Someone seems to want to make this personal, very personal for Gibbs."

Kate couldn't say any more without feeling like she was betraying Gibbs. He and the commander weren't enemies, but there was no love lost between them, either. She extended her hand to shake Harm's.

"Thank you, Commander."

Harm smiled slightly, understanding and appreciating her discretion. "Anytime, Special Agent."

At that same time in the morgue…

The director and Gibbs stood between two autopsy tables facing each other, each man leaning against one of them.

"Special Agent Gibbs, I have never considered myself an unreasonable or rigid man. I have always given you a certain amount of license in your investigations, within the law."

Gibbs knew what was coming. He had to have heard about the amount of investigating he had done on his own. He crossed his arms and waited.

"You already know what I am going to say."

"Yes." He was going to volunteer anything but he did know.

"You contacted Agent Fornell; you followed up with the other members of Master Chief Graham's SEAL team…. I could go on." He had not expected this from Gibbs; the man might have bent the rules more than once, but until now, he had never broken them.

"Director Morrow…"

He held his hand up to stop him. "I have no choice but to place this in your personnel file. You were warned more than once and yet you continued to interfere."

Gibbs decided that if it was going into his personnel file, he may as well say what was on his mind.

"We don't have the whole story, Director Morrow. You know it and I know it."

"Special Agent Gibbs, there was more at stake here than the incident at Little Creek. The arrests of the individuals responsible will be in the media tomorrow, but we were able to get more substantial intel than that."

They had been able to arrest 4 young men from a cell there in Virginia. They had been attending a 'jihad academy' not 30 miles from Washington D.C. They had the men responsible for the death of Master Chief Graham and a door through which they would be able to infiltrate terror cells here in America.

Gibbs still knew in his gut that they would regret this. He did not know how, but he knew they would.

"Will that be all, sir?" There was no point in pursuing this, since he wasn't going to be told more than he already had been.

The director nodded in the affirmative.

Gibbs turned and left the room without a backward glance. He knew he was already on thin ice with the director but at this point he didn't give a damn. He took the elevator up to their office level. He saw Kate standing in her office space perusing a file. When he approached her she was startled. A picture fell from the file folder. It was the one that had been taped to the door at Dani's parents.

Gibbs picked up the picture and looked at it impassively. "Do we still have a security detail covering Mrs. Graham?"

"Yes, but after the arrests are announced the FBI will take over."

Gibbs thought that was at least one positive. Fornell would keep him posted if anything should come up. He nodded and then walked away, taking the picture he had picked up from the floor with him. Kate thought about stopping him – the picture belonged in the case file – but she thought better of it. This had been difficult for him.

She didn't blame him for not wanting the picture to be part of a file kept in this office. It was highly personal and Gibbs was a private person. It had made her uncomfortable to even look at it. It was just a couple obviously in love and in a loose embrace. What had made it so intimate and therefore uncomfortable for her was the unguarded love and desire on his face. She hadn't seen Gibbs as being capable of showing that kind of emotion and it embarrassed her for reasons she could not explain.

If there were any questions about the missing picture from the file she would handle them. It wasn't worth it to pry further into Gibbs's life than she had to for the purposes of this investigation.

Gibbs took the elevator to the ground floor and walked out of the building. He unlocked his Intrepid, got in and reached into his breast pocket, taking out the picture. The lights from the parking lot allowed a clear view. He remembered that day clearly: it hadn't really been anything special, just a visit with her parents, an unguarded moment captured in an instant. Had he ever been than young…had she? Suddenly he felt a loss that he had never allowed himself to feel. He felt a tug on his heart toward something he knew that there was no road back to. Gibbs replaced the picture in his pocket, then started his vehicle and put it in gear.

He thought that the vehicle was suddenly too quiet and so he decided to turn on the radio.

"Classic Rock…WCAP…Jackson Browne."

It was a song from their time, his and Dani's, so Gibbs leaned forward and turned it up.

'Looking through some photographs I found inside a drawer

I was taken by a photograph of you

There were one or two I know that you would have liked a little more

But they didn't show your spirit quite as true

You were turning 'round to see who was behind you

And I took your childish laughter by surprise

And at the moment that my camera happened to find you

There was just a trace of sorrow in your eyes.

Now the things that I remember seem so distant and so small

Though it hasn't really been that long a time

What I was seeing wasn't what was happening at all

Although for a while our path did seem to climb

But when you see through love's illusion there lies the danger

And your perfect lover just looks like the perfect fool

So you go running off in search of a perfect stranger

While the loneliness seems to spring from your life

Like a fountain from a pool

Fountain of sorrow, fountain of light

You've known that hollow sound of your own steps in flight

You've had to hide sometimes, but now you're all right

And it's good to see your smiling face tonight…

Gibbs reached back into his pocket and looked at Dani again, her sweet smile and the love so evident on her face. He was glad she had come through this all right; she had always been stronger than he had ever believed. He gave her picture a sad smile and returned it to his pocket.

It was time to listen to something else. He pushed seek on his radio, and it sang out "Shot gun…shoot em 'fore he run now..." Junior Walker and the All Stars…..now –that- was music. It also seemed appropriate when he thought of Ari. He smiled at the thought of his being 'in a great deal of pain for many weeks.'

"All right…that's better." And with that Gibbs accelerated to a rate of speed that matched his music.

Harm had been on the interstate for just a few minutes when a vehicle blew by him. Although it was dark, he recognized the vehicle. It was Gibbs speeding down the highway; he looked as though he were going 90 miles per hour.

He shook his head, thinking that he didn't envy him tonight. Gibbs had had a personal stake, although indirect, in this spy game. He had stood there and watched his superior pull the rug right out from under him, knowing there was nothing he could do about it.

He had been there, only to go home alone with nothing and no one there for him. It had taken Paraguay for him to really see what he could lose and how terribly tired he was of all the games, spy and otherwise.

Where had he been a year ago tonight? It occurred to him how completely his life had changed in the space of one year. The last six months had been unbelievable. He had experienced nearly unbearable pain and inexpressible joy, and through it all Mac had always been there.

He was suddenly so grateful that he would be returning to his apartment to find her sleeping in his bed. Harm knew when he slipped under the covers she would turn automatically into his arms, barely waking, to the place they both knew she belonged.

No, he did not envy Gibbs tonight at all.

1200

Sunday

April 10

Faith Coleman's apartment

Alexandria, Virginia

Faith was surprised by a knock on her door. She looked through the security lens to see Michael waiting. He was in uniform. She unlocked and opened the door.

"Michael?"

"I'm sorry I didn't call first, Faith. I just got back in from San Diego. Do you have a few minutes?" He clearly had something on his mind.

"Sure, come on in."

"Thanks." He took off his cover and walked into her apartment.

"Coffee?"

"Yeah, that would be great." He seemed distracted and more than a little uncomfortable.

Faith went into her kitchen and began making the coffee and getting their mugs down from the cabinet. She had a studio apartment and the kitchen was open to the living area.

"Tell me what's going on, Michael – you have me worried." She looked at him with concern. She knew this had to have something to do with Vukovic.

"It's a long story; maybe I had better wait till you're finished with the coffee." He was walking back and forth between her kitchen island and the window. He was more preoccupied than she had ever seen him.

Faith finished the coffee and brought their mugs to the dining room table and sat down. "What happened, Michael?"

Mike sat down and placed his fingertip on the coffee cup rim. "I had another –altercation- with Lieutenant Vukovic. It wasn't only that, though – God… I don't know where to begin, Faith."

She was starting to get angry; he was still treating her like she was going to shatter at any moment. She gave him a direct and impatient glare. "Tell me."

Mike looked down at his cup. "You know that I said I didn't trust Vukovic."

"Yes." She had been right.

"In the case we were trying, the government ended up dropping the case against Corporal Duran when new evidence was discovered. I made the motion after I did some investigation with the help of a Lieutenant Graves at North Island."

"Lieutenant Graves?" Faith had never heard about her before.

"Yes, she came highly recommended to General Creswell. She may join us at JAG in the near future."

"I'm sorry, go on."

"After the case was dismissed, we were all at TJ's. It was Friday and the bar was packed. I didn't really know anyone there except Vukovic, but I went anyway, just to keep from spending most of my night in a hotel room."

He shook his head and pushed his chair back. He wished he had never gone to that stupid bar, especially in the company of a snake like Vukovic. He stood and walked toward her living room, then turned to look at her. He continued.

"We had a few drinks… when an old acquaintance of Vukovic's shows up."

Faith didn't like the sound of this. Was it a woman that he wanted to be the one to tell her about first? She waited a few moments and then impatiently said, "Go on."

"His name was Mark Robbins."

Faith stood up and walked into her kitchen and stood at the sink with her back to him. He had been Lieutenant Mark Robbins. The man who had tormented her and embarrassed her before she left JAG San Diego.

"Faith, I didn't want to tell you, but I have to, because there is more. I know this has to be hard for you, but you're my friend and I need your advice."

She heard the pleading sound in his voice, something else she had never heard before. If she didn't want him to treat her like she was fragile, then she needed to stop acting like it. She turned and looked at him and realized how hard it must have been to come here today.

"I'm all right, Michael. Tell me the rest."

"Robbins is still a lieutenant, and he and Vukovic were coworkers at one time. I didn't place him until Vukovic said we had a mutual acquaintance. I couldn't figure out what he was talking about. Vukovic mentioned your name and they both…"

Mike wouldn't go on and repeat what they had done. It would hurt her, and he wasn't going to do that.

"I could have broken them in half." He paused for a moment. They had given each other a knowing look. Mike could still see Robbins's suggestive leer.

"Knowing Mark, I can only imagine what was said." She looked at him, her countenance clear and determined. "Go on."

"I thought that Vukovic got that I had had enough, but then he began to talk about the case. He did as he had before, bringing up some of the details of the case, some details were minor…others were not. When he spoke, it was almost as though every other point had a double meaning. Then it occurred to me: at one point while we were negotiating a possible plea agreement, he seemed ready to deal, then out of the blue he had no interest in a deal of any kind…It was as though he knew the case against his client wouldn't stand up in court."

"I don't understand. Do you think he tampered with evidence?" Faith thought he surely couldn't be that stupid.

"I can't prove it, but yes, I do." He looked at her directly. "There is one more thing."

She wondered what more there could be.

"I hit him." Mike looked at her and then away, suddenly ashamed of his lack of self control, especially in the presence of an officer he respected and one he wanted to respect him.

Faith was surprised. They were junior officers, and either of them could cause him a great deal of trouble. "You hit whom?"

"I hit them both, actually." He turned away from her completely, looking out the window at nothing, his mind still reeling with the probable consequences of his actions.

"Why?"

"Faith, I don't think it's necessary to tell you every detail." He again wouldn't repeat the callous and hurtful things that had been said and implied.

Mike had decided to walk away. He wasn't playing Vukovic's game, and he had wanted to retrace his steps on his investigation so that he could be sure evidence hadn't been tampered with. He'd gotten up from the bar stool and started to leave, when Lieutenant Robbins decided to volley a parting shot.

"So how is the 'iceberg' ... I mean. Commander Coleman?" His voice dripped with sarcasm and contempt.

Mike had turned to look at him when Vukovic decided to chime in. "Oh, the iceberg has melted – just ask the major."

Something in Mike had snapped, and he'd had Vukovic by the shirt before he knew it. He'd wanted to bash both their sleazy faces in, but he'd settled for bashing Lieutenant Robbins in the face with Lieutenant Vukovic's head.

"Were you in uniform?" She hoped not.

"No."

'At least there is that,' Faith thought. She walked over to where he stood and looked at his hands. They didn't bear the marks of fighting. She took them in both of hers and asked

"What did you hit them with?"

Mike was still feeling pretty ashamed of himself. He was looking down when he told her.

Faith suddenly pictured the scene with Mark's face being smashed by Vukovic's head. She let go of his hands and covered her mouth with the fingertips of one of her hands to keep from laughing out loud.

"You hit Mark with Vukovic?"

He heard the smile in her voice. "Hey… it's not funny." At least –she- wasn't angry with him.

"I know, I know it isn't, but I….:" She had to walk away for a moment; it would be funny if they didn't have to worry about what both those sleazes would do.

He turned to look at her, and she looked back at him and smiled. She walked back to him and stood directly in front of him. She realized then how terribly tired he looked. He probably hadn't slept at all since this happened. She also realized that his reaction to them both had a lot to do with her. She was overcome by the need to pull him into her arms, so she gave into it and did just that.

"Thank you, Michael." She drew back and he gave her a tired smile.

"You're welcome." He pulled her back into his embrace. He hadn't realized just how much he needed this just now.

Faith held on for just a few more moments, and then she slipped out of his embrace and picked up her telephone.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm calling someone who can help us."

"This is not your problem, Faith."

She looked back at him directly and said, "Yes it is, Michael."

The person that she was calling answered his phone.

"Rabb."

TBC


	26. Chapter 26

Will You Always Be There?

Chapter 68

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything up to and including 'JAG San Diego'. Any spoilers floating around out there on any of the various boards are fair game as well.

A/N: Many thanks to aerogirl for her beta reading skills and her excellent input.

A/N: NLSO: Naval Legal Services Office.

1310

Sunday

April 10

Starbucks

E Street

Washington D.C.

Mike sat across from Faith, trying to figure out just what he was going to say to Commander Rabb. This was going to be so awkward. He wouldn't have agreed to this if Faith hadn't already called him.

"I still can't believe you called him about this, Faith."

"Michael, we have to take care of this before tomorrow morning. You know Vukovic will probably have contacted the general already. I think you should be proactive on this. He is counting on our keeping silent about this."

"But the commander?" He noticed that she said 'our' She spoke of this as though she were in it too. He wasn't alone in this situation.

"You said yourself that he was a fair man."

He nodded in agreement; he did say that. He just hadn't known at the time that his career might be riding on that belief. He looked up at her. He hated that they would have to explain Lieutenant Robbins's remarks, or at least that he would have to tell the commander about them. How was she going to react to that? Had she even thought about it?

"Are you going to be okay talking with the commander about the….personal side of this?"

She hadn't given it very much thought. Until just now. This wasn't going to be easy. All she had been thinking of was how to make sure that Michael would be in as little trouble as possible. She looked away from him, watching the light Sunday traffic pass outside the window.

"I think so." She looked down at her coffee. "We can keep the discussion pretty generic." She looked at him. "I can be pretty good at that."

Mike gave her a knowing smile. "Yes, you can." It had taken her forever to tell him what had happened. He was so glad to have her trust, especially now.

She looked at her watch. "We'd better go if we want to be there on time." The commander told them to come at two o'clock.

1410

Sunday

April 10

Harm and Mac's apartment

North of Union Station

Harm and Mike sat at the dining room table, and Faith stood back from them, leaning on the kitchen island. Mac had offered them coffee, and she brought two mugs for Harm and Mike and placed them in front of them. Tension was thick in the air.

Harm nodded toward Mike. "Maybe you'd better begin, Major."

Faith without thinking had stayed near the kitchen; somehow feeling less conspicuous if she wasn't sitting there facing the commander too. Mac seemed to sense this and decided not to sit down just yet either. She busied herself in the kitchen as the major began.

Mike leaned forward in his chair. "Sir…I…"

Harm could see small beads of sweat forming on Mike's brow. "Relax, McBurney – it can't be that bad."

"Just tell him, Michael." Faith couldn't stand watching him struggle with this. She wasn't exactly sure how the commander would react, but she knew they stood a lot better chance of being heard fairly if they spoke with him first.

Mike did finally begin. He started with Vukovic's odd behavior just after he had seen them at McMurphy's. He left out the part about thinking that Vukovic may have seen him kissing Faith in the parking lot. He told him about his suspicions about Vukovic tampering with evidence. Mike started to tell Harm about Lieutenant Robbins, but hesitated. He didn't want to say anything that would make Faith uncomfortable so he looked at her as though he were seeking her permission.

Faith decided this part was her story to tell, so she began.

"Apparently Lieutenant Vukovic and a lieutenant with whom I served at JAG San Diego are old acquaintances." She folded her arms across her chest. "This lieutenant…Robbins and I have a history." She was silent for a moment.

Mike picked up the rest of the story…there was no need for her to say more.

"Some comments were made about the commander personally and about myself. Most things that were said could be taken either way. I had intended to walk away. I was going to follow up on my concerns about the case." Mike folded his hands on the table. "I would have, but as I left their parting comments became more insulting and accusatory to the commander and myself. I lost my temper." Mike was quiet for a moment.

"And?" Harm gave him a questioning look.

"I hit Lieutenant Robbins."

"And Lieutenant Vukovic?"

Mike looked down at his folded hands and then at Faith. She nodded, telegraphing 'go on'.

"I...hit Lieutenant Robbins with…Lieutenant Vukovic."

"What?" Harm leaned forward, frowning, but Mac could see the amusement dancing in his eyes. Suddenly this struck her as so comical that she turned to open the refrigerator door for a bottle of water, just so that she could hide her smile.

Faith had pressed her lips together in a tight line so that she wouldn't smile. She knew that as funny as this all sounded, it was very serious.

Harm looked up at Faith, knowing she was probably biting the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling.

"I have to say, McBurney... that was creative." He looked back at Mac and raised his eyebrows. She covered her mouth to keep from laughing. Harm stood up and walked over to where Mac was standing as she composed herself. He leaned against the kitchen sink and folded his arms.

"I'm glad you both came and talked to me about this, although you will have to see the general. If he doesn't summon you first."

"Yes, sir." Mike still sat rigidly in his chair.

"There are a lot of things at play here." He looked at Faith and Mike. "I think you should deal with the things we know are true first."

"Yes, sir." He had not moved.

"I think you should talk to the general only about what happened at the bar in San Diego. If what you believe about Lieutenant Vukovic's conduct is true there will be serious consequences. You need to go in there with more than a gut feeling. You have to be able to prove what you believe."

"Yes, sir."

Faith looked at him still sitting almost rigidly in the chair. She furrowed her brow and said, "Lighten up, Michael."

With that comment everyone in the room looked at her and the room fell silent. Faith's face flushed red with embarrassment and the irony of the situation struck Harm. Commander Coleman was telling someone to 'lighten up?' It made him laugh out loud, and Mike and Mac joined him. Faith's face broke into a smile.

"I'm sorry."

"Not at all, Faith. I think that's good advice for the moment." Harm hoped that they would both relax more when they were in his and Mac's presence, at least outside the office.

The tension in the room came down to a tolerable level. Mike and Faith didn't have the same comfort level with the commander and the colonel that most people at JAG had, but they were both breathing easier now that this was out in the open. Mike stood and looked at Faith, silently thanking her for her good idea. She smiled at him.

"Sir, we won't take any more of your time."

Harm walked up to him and shook his hand. "Not a problem – I'm glad I could help. I hope you understand I'm not saying I don't believe you about the possibility of evidence tampering. You just need to be prepared if you intend to pursue this."

"I understand, sir." He looked at Mac, who had joined them walking toward the door. "I should have been prepared for this, given his behavior toward the colonel the first time he was before her in court."

Harm opened the door to the apartment and Mike and Faith passed through. Harm frowned and asked, "His behavior toward the colonel?" He looked from Mike to Mac.

Mike knew immediately that the colonel had never told him about Vukovic's inappropriate behavior the first time they had been before her in court. He looked at Mac, and she gave him a tight smile. 'Oh God...what have I done now?' he thought.

Mac walked up beside Harm. "A minor problem; but we handled it, didn't we, Major?" She looked up at Harm and then at Mike.

"Yes, ma'am." Mike's face turned pale.

Mac looked at Faith and then back again at Mike. "I thought you were told to lighten up."

They all laughed at that, and Mike and Faith made their escape. Faith decided that if she were to become a friend of anyone at JAG besides Michael that the colonel would be the person she would choose.

Harm closed the door and turned to look at Mac. "What kind of problem did you have with Vukovic in your courtroom, Mac?"

Mac turned to walk back to the kitchen.

"Oh, the lieutenant had a little eye problem and I spoke with he and the major about it." She looked back at him. "I haven't had any problems with him since." She raised her brows and smiled at him smugly.

Harm grinned at her. "An eye problem?"

"It's not a big deal, Harm."

"If it's not a big deal, tell me."

Mac placed her hands on her hips and gave him an exasperated look. She hadn't told him about this because she didn't want Harm to hold it against him. She saw Vukovic as an immature but harmless person who just needed a bit of time to grow into his position. The general seemed to feel that he had a lot of potential. Though, given what McBurney had just told them, what kind of potential he had still remained to be seen.

"It was Vukovic's first case before me – he sat second chair to McBurney. After court adjourned one day, I happened to look in his direction and he…winked at me."

"What?" Harm narrowed his eyes. He didn't look angry; disgusted would have been a better word.

"I called them both into my chambers and informed the lieutenant that I noticed his 'problem' with his eyes. I advised him that if he didn't get the 'problem' taken care of that his fellow officers and subordinates might misunderstand his actions. He got the message, end of story."

Harm raised his eyebrows and a grin spread slowly across his face. "I would have liked to have seen that."

"Oh, yeah?" She laughed.

Harm closed the distance between them. "Yeah." He pulled her into his arms.

"So, do you want to go out for dinner or stay in?" She smiled at him mischievously.

He kissed her and lifted her slightly off of the floor, walking her back toward their bedroom. "Mmmm… let's stay in."

1530

Sunday

April 10

Faith's Apartment

Alexandria, Virginia

Mike sat with Faith in front of her apartment. He did not turn off the ignition. He knew he had better get back to his place. Suddenly he felt self-conscious about being alone with her. He felt as though someone might be watching and misconstrue even the most innocent display of affection.

"You're not coming up?" She gave him a hopeful look.

Mike looked at her, trying to convey his friendship and something else that he hadn't been able to name as yet.

"I think I'd better not, Faith. I've already compromised you in that I made you a part of this stupid fight."

"It wasn't a fight, Michael. You only hit them once." She tried to joke, but it hadn't come out right.

He tried to smile but tomorrow was weighing heavily on his mind.

Faith reached over and placed her hand over his on the steering wheel. "It's going to be okay, Michael. You're a good officer and an excellent attorney. You have an exemplary record. That has to count in your favor."

He looked at her, feeling so grateful for her support and her belief in him. "Thanks, Faith." He covered her hand with his own.

"You only have to tell the truth."

"The truth is I lost my temper and I struck a junior officer. I fully intend to tell the truth. I just don't know how the general will react to it."

"A good man once said, 'the truth is all that matters,' and I think that's true in this case."

Mike smiled at her. "I know."

Deep down, Faith felt responsible for this mess. He had been goaded into that altercation because of his friendship with her.

"Michael, I'm so sorry that I even told you about Lieutenant Robbins. I hate it that your friendship with me has gotten you into this mess."

"Hey, my temper got me into this mess. Don't blame yourself." He turned toward her, keeping her hand in both of his.

Faith looked into his eyes and saw the warmth, sincerity and honor that had drawn her to him in the first place. She didn't even realize she had begun to lean toward him.

Mike saw what was coming, and he would have liked nothing more than to kiss her. Her touch was comforting to him, soul deep. He looked at her lips, and as he started to lean in to kiss her, but then Vukovic's nasty comments about his melting the 'iceberg' echoed in his head. He drew back immediately.

"I had better go, Faith. If I don't, I won't keep my word to you or myself that I'm not going to do anything to make this situation worse."

Faith recovered quickly, leaning back into her seat. "I know." She squeezed his hand. "Good luck tomorrow." With that she got out of the car.

Mike put the car in reverse and backed out of the parking space. Faith watched him leave and waved to him in his rearview mirror, and he returned a salute. She felt as though her heart were going with Michael as he drove away. 'Oh God… no….I love him.' She turned and placed her hand on her chest as she walked up the steps. She all at once felt so happy that she thought her heart would burst and so terrified she wanted to scream.

0730

Monday

April 11

Harm and Mac's apartment.

North of Union Station

Mac placed her coffee mug in the top rack of the dishwasher and closed it. "Come on, Sailor. I don't want to be late today."

Harm was coming down the steps from their bedroom. He straightened his tie and picked up his uniform jacket. "Yes, ma'am," he teased.

They were on their way in less than a minute. Since they had been married Harm hadn't been late for one staff call or appointment. It didn't even seem like the natural order of things anymore. He and Mac were once again a beautiful team. Harm smiled at the thought.

"What are you smiling about, Sailor?"

Harm was pulling away from their apartment building. "I'm thinking about what a great team we make."

"I have to agree." She was thoughtful for a moment. She was thinking of another 'team' just now. Major McBurney could be in a good deal of trouble.

He had gotten into a fight with not one, but two junior officers. He hadn't had the luck that Harm and Mic had with Bud. He hadn't blamed either of them, and had even defended them to both of their superior officers. Somehow she didn't think that would happen in this case.

Harm noticed that her expression had turned serious. "What are you thinking about, Mac?"

"I'm thinking about Major McBurney. I don't envy him today."

Harm raised his eyebrows. "I don't either. I am glad he came and spoke to me about it before seeing the general today."

"I think Commander Coleman had a lot to do with that."

"Yeah, I think they make a pretty good team too. I mean…they're not exactly like we were but they do seem pretty close."

Mac was quiet for a moment. "They do remind me of us, in a way."

"Maybe." Harm was looking in his blind spot as they merged into traffic on the Beltway.

"They seem to bring out the best in each other. I know that I see Commander Coleman in an entirely different way than I did when was first in my courtroom."

"I agree; McBurney seems a little less full of himself and Faith is a little more approachable on a personal level." She had been a good partner on the Graham investigation.

Mac nodded. "They are both excellent attorneys."

"She seems more squared away than he does most of the time." She was one of the most by-the-book naval officers he had ever met. Mac was pretty squared away, but that didn't count; she was a Marine.

"That's another reason they remind me of us." She gave him her best Cheshire cat smile.

He looked over at her quickly. "Hey, not funny, Marine."

0900

Monday

April 11

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

General Creswell finished staff call by asking Lieutenant Vukovic and Major Mc Burney to report to his office immediately following the meeting.

Vukovic followed McBurney out of the conference room. Harm hung back purposely to observe both officers.

"Well, I wonder what that is about." Vukovic passed McBurney, smirking smugly.

McBurney looked at him and said nothing. He went to his office and left his case file on his desk. He looked across the bullpen into Faith's office. She gave him a reassuring look and a secret thumbs up. Vukovic was standing near Jen's desk, waiting to go in to see the general. He saw the look that was exchanged between Mike and Faith.

Mike walked up to Jen's desk. "The general is expecting us." He did not acknowledge Vukovic at all.

"I'll let him know you're here, sir." She buzzed his office. "I have Lieutenant Vukovic and Major McBurney for you, sir."

"Send them in."

Mike and Vukovic came to attention in front of the general. "At ease."

He stood and folded his arms looked intently at both men. "I received a call this morning…from NLSO North Island. The commanding officer there reported to me that not one but two of my judge advocates were involved in an altercation with one of the judge advocates under his command."

He was silent.

Mike remained eyes forward. He knew his whole future hinged on his behavior in this moment.

Lieutenant Vukovic's turned his head sharply toward Mike and then to the general.

"Sir, I was not the aggressor in that fight. I did not strike anyone. The major..." His voice died in his throat when he saw the look on the general's face.

"Snap to, Lieutenant." Vukovic came to attention. The general walked over and stood in front of him. "Did I ask you a question, Lieutenant?"

"No, sir." He swallowed hard. This was not going to be as easy as he thought it would be.

"You will remain silent, Lieutenant, and speak only when you are spoken to: is that understood?"

"Yes, sir."

He walked over to where Mike stood and looked at him directly. "I expected more from you, Major."

"Yes, sir."

"What do you have to say about this?"

"I have no excuse, sir."

"Have you spoken to anyone about this incident?"

"I spoke with Commander and Colonel Rabb about this yesterday."

Vukovic turned to look at him but did not speak. The general gave him a stern look and he resumed eyes forward.

"May I ask why you thought that was necessary?"

"I spoke with Commander Rabb upon the advice of Commander Coleman. Colonel Rabb was present when I spoke with him."

The general walked around behind his desk.

"Go on."

"I was ashamed of my conduct, sir, and concerned about its consequences; Commander Coleman believed that Commander Rabb would give me good counsel on the best way to proceed."

The general listened and considered what he had said.

"Lieutenant Vukovic, you may –now – report your side of this situation."

"Sir, I had gone to the bar with the major in what I thought was friendship and he attacked me for no reason at all. The major took offense to a remark that was made by and old acquaintance of mine. He attacked both of us afterward." He looked at Mike with a self-satisfied sneer. "The major seems to be a bit sensitive when it comes to Commander Coleman."

Mike did not return his look but he visibly clenched his jaw. 'That son of a bitch!' he thought. Mike closed the fist that he held behind his back as he stood at ease.

The general studied the lieutenant for a moment and then looked at the major.

"Is that true, Major?"

"Sir, the commander is a close friend and fellow officer. The remarks made were very personal and derogatory. I admit that I overreacted to them…."

Vukovic interrupted before he could continue. "I never said anything about the commander, you did over react and you are –a lot- more than –close friends-. I saw..."

"Lieutenant Vukovic!" The general was right back in his face. "You will stand down!"

He looked at the lieutenant with an almost incredulous expression. This was no time or place for gossip and innuendo. The general did not want to know too much about anyone's personal life here. His only concern was the way it affected this office. Even in this situation there were personal things that he didn't care to know.

This was a side of the lieutenant he had not seen. He had believed the young man had the makings of a fine officer, but his behavior in this situation was beginning to make him reconsider that assessment.

The general walked back around his desk and stood behind it. He looked at both men for a long moment.

"I will consider what actions will be taken regarding this incident." He folded his arms across his chest. "Make no mistake, gentlemen. There will be consequences. You are dismissed."

They came to attention. "Aye, aye, sir."

Without a look at each other, both men left the general's office.

The general sat down at his desk. He leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers.

He leaned forward and buzzed Jen's desk. "Petty Officer Coates, have Commander Rabb report to my office ASAP."

"The commander is in court all morning, sir."

"What do I have this afternoon, Coates?"

"You have a meeting with your chief of staff at 1400 and you are clear thereafter, sir."

"Have the commander report to my office at 1500."

"Yes, sir."

1345

Monday

April 11

Rabb Farm

Mrs. Rabb sat on her front porch steps. She had just come from the hospital. She sat her purse and keys on the porch next to her because she just did not want to go indoors. She had been sitting there for some time. The day was overcast and a bit cool. It seemed fitting because she had just lost one of her oldest and dearest friends. Jack O'Reilly had died and she was heartbroken. They had thought he had been turning a corner in his recovery, but he had suffered another series of strokes from which he could not recover. She was still in shock; she'd thought Jack would go on forever or at least as long as she did.

She did not want to go inside that quiet house alone. Since her friend's stroke she had felt more and more lonely. She had never had a problem being alone before; she relished her own space and time to do what she wanted to. Now she felt she understood the phrase 'the silence is deafening.' Now when she switched on a radio or heard her own voice in the house it seemed too loud.

It was not like she and Jack spoke every day – it was more about knowing he was there, that she had known him almost all of her life. He was the last person in this community who remembered her David. He was as real a person to Jack O'Reilly as he was to her. He was just a picture to anyone else, even to his own grandson.

She heard someone driving up the gravel driveway. Kathie O'Reilly, Jack's daughter-in-law, pulled up in front of the house. She got out of her car.

"Sarah?"

Mrs. Rabb got up from the step and brushed the seat of her pants off.

"Are you all right, honey?" Kathie O'Reilly's brow furrowed with concern.

Mrs. Rabb thought that she must not look very good. She remembered just then that she had been at the hospital all night.

"Yes, I'm okay."

"How long have you been home?"

She looked at her watch. "About an hour, I guess. Do you want to come in for some coffee?"

Kathie was beginning to worry about Mrs. Rabb. She would go in with her to make sure she settled in and then she would call her grandson. She wasn't acting like herself. Kathie didn't think this community could stand to lose both her father-in-law and Mrs. Rabb.

1500

Monday

April 11

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm walked up to Jen's desk. "The general is expecting me." Jen buzzed the general, and he told her to send him in.

Harm came to attention. "At ease, Commander, be seated."

"Sir." Harm sat down.

"I have spoken with Lieutenant Vukovic and Major McBurney about an incident about which you may be aware."

"Yes, sir." Harm sat forward on his chair and knitted his fingers together.

"What is your assessment of the situation?"

"I think the major engaged in bad conduct when he was in San Diego and he deeply regrets it. He has accepted his responsibility in the matter, sir."

The general considered what he said for moment.

"The major said as much this morning. Lieutenant Vukovic sees the whole incident as being the major's responsibility. However, the lieutenant also demonstrated some difficulty this morning with military decorum, which leads me to believe his statement may not be entirely true. "

Harm listened, thinking that the general had missed his first apparent breach long ago. He was beginning to think Mac should have busted him then. The more he heard about this guy the less he liked him.

"I had considered having you take the lieutenant under your wing." The general looked at Harm directly. "Then I reconsidered it."

Harm stomach knotted at the thought.

The general got up from his desk and walked toward the fireplace.

"The lieutenant, if he is to become a good officer, is going to have to learn to be more disciplined in his conduct. While you are a good officer and have contributed much to this office…" He turned back toward Harm. "You have been rather unorthodox in your methods."

Harm could not keep from smiling. "Yes, sir."

The general walked back to his desk and stood behind it. "I am considering giving this task to Commander Turner."

"Excellent choice, sir." If anyone at JAG was by the book without question it was Sturgis.

"Thank you for your input, Commander. You are dismissed."

Harm stood came to attention and left the room.

1645

Monday

April 11

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Jen buzzed Harm in his office. "You have a call on line 6, Commander."

"Thank you, Petty Officer." He picked up the handset. "Rabb."

"Harmon?" The voice on the other end of the line didn't sound familiar or sure of herself.

"This is Commander Harmon Rabb, yes."

"I'm sorry – I'm Kathie O'Reilly, Sam's wife. I'm sorry to bother you at work but I thought I should call."

Harm remembered her now. "That's not a problem. How can I help you?"

"I think you know my father-in-law, Jack O'Reilly. He passed away early this morning."

"I'm sorry to hear it." Jack had been his grandmother's oldest friend.

"Thank you, but the reason I'm calling is your grandmother."

"What about her?" Harm remembered his last conversation with his grandmother; he had been worried about her since then.

"She just seems to be taking this harder than I thought she would. She has always been so strong. I never have seen her like this. She is not overly emotional – that's not her. It's like she's disconnected from us…I can't explain it."

Harm sat forward in his chair and looked at his calendar. "When will the funeral be held?"

"Wednesday. I was hoping you and your wife could get away. She just lights up when she talks about you two. She's not sick or anything, Harmon, I just…I just don't want to lose her too." She had known Mrs. Rabb better than she had her own mother-in-law.

"I understand. We may not both be able to get away, but she won't go through this alone." Harm paused for a moment. "Thank you for calling me about this, Kathie."

Harm managed to get in to see the general before he left for the day. He had gotten two days' leave beginning Wednesday. Mac hadn't wanted to request it since she had been out for so many medical problems. Harm understood and he knew his grandmother would too.

1730

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

The general followed Harm out of his office and they both saw Major McBurney still at his desk in his office. Harm walked back to his office to get his cover and secure for the day.

"Major McBurney." The general's voice carried loudly across the mostly deserted office.

Mike looked up quickly. "Yes, sir?"

"See me in my office." With that the general walked back into his office, leaving the door open.

Mike stood and walked into the bullpen, closing the door to his office behind him as he went. He looked up and saw Harm as he was leaving. Harm nodded as he left, hoping to telegraph some reassurance. Harm knew there was no way he would walk away from this without something in his record. But surely his exemplary conduct so far would ensure that he would be given some leniency. Mike returned the nod and walked into the general's office to meet his fate.

Chapter 69

Disclaimers: I do not own any of the JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything up to and including 'JAG San Diego.' Any spoilers posted on numerous spoiler boards may also be 'loosely' referred to.

1830

Monday

April 11

Mike's apartment

Alexandria, Virginia

Mike drove toward his apartment in solemn silence. He seldom drove without the radio or CD player on. The last three days had taken their toll on him. He had barely slept, and the level of stress he had been feeling kept him from relaxing anywhere. He would not be going to mast. No charges would be leveled against him.

Mike had known it was the general's discretion as to how they would proceed. He would have a letter of admonition in his record. He had hoped that would be the case, instead of charges being leveled by the general or the commanding officer at NLSO North Island. After he learned the general's decision, he was relieved but also ashamed that that would be a part of his personnel file for the rest of his career. He'd made the decision to knock Robbins and Vukovic's heads together; he deserved the admonition. He just felt as though he had let his family and himself down by letting this happen. The tradition of service in his family went back for generations.

Mike pulled the keys from the lock on his door and closed it behind him, exhaling loudly. He felt as though he had been holding that breath all day. Tossing his keys on the counter, he headed straight for the shower. He would call Faith after he finished. He showered quickly and picked up his handheld phone, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. He lay back on the bed for just a moment and before he realized it he was asleep.

1925

Same evening

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

General Creswell replaced the receiver on the handset of his phone. JAG Ops was deserted with the exception of himself. He had just spoken with Captain Stevens, the commanding officer of NLSO North Island. He had informed him of his decision in the matter concerning their 'fighting judge advocates.'

Apparently Lieutenant Robbins had been a significant problem to the captain's command for some time. He had failed to advance the last two times he was eligible. He had barely escaped dismissal in another incident involving a possible conduct unbecoming charge. During the past year the DOD was doing what amounted to 'cleaning house.' You had to do what the old Marines he'd come up with had advised: 'fill your uniform,' or expect to be processed out. The general definitely did not see this as a bad thing.

The general turned off all the lights in his office but his desk lamp. He called his wife to let her know he would be later than usual and sat down with Lieutenant Gregory Vukovic's personnel file. He was sure that the lieutenant had great potential – a man with 'fire in his belly.' He had not given up on the young man just yet. He would, however, ensure that he was supervised more closely. Vukovic would have a letter of counseling placed in his personnel record. Commander Turner was going to supervise some EMI for the lieutenant on military decorum.

He had seen the lieutenant as a kid from the streets that had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and made something of himself. He admired his ambition, and knew that this ambition could affect him one of two ways. Which way it would eventually go did not seem clear at the moment.

2045

Same night

Faith's apartment

Faith paced back and forth inside her apartment. She would look at the phone periodically, trying to will it to ring. Why hadn't Mike called? She had been beside herself worrying about him and had not heard one word. She thought that they were becoming closer in their relationship. He could at least let her know what the general had to say. They were friends, after all.

She paced for another half an hour when she couldn't take it anymore and dialed Mike's number. It rang a few times, then she heard someone pick up and then the sound of the phone hitting the floor.

"What the hell?...Owww!" Mike had been startled awake by the phone and had no lights on in the house. He had picked up and promptly dropped the phone on his foot as he sat forward to stand up.

"Hello!"

"Michael?" She hadn't even thought that he might be asleep.

"Faith?" His voice was still gravelly with sleep. "Oh, man, I was going to call after I got out of the shower. What time is it, anyway?"

"It's nearly nine o'clock." Faith couldn't seem to shake the visual of him wrapping a towel around his waist and falling back on his bed.

"I was going to call you as soon as I got in. Some friend, huh?"

Faith felt entirely ashamed of herself for thinking he had been inconsiderate. In truth he had been exhausted.

"You are a good friend, Michael. I was just worried about you. What did the general have to say?"

Mike told her about his letter of admonition and that he wouldn't be going to mast. He knew she would be relieved about that; she had said over and over how responsible she felt.

"What about Vukovic?"

"I don't really know what the general has planned for him. I would like to think he would get no less punishment than I did. I was just glad to get out of Creswell's office with my skin."

"I have to say it – Vukovic's a weasel, Michael."

Mike chuckled deep in his chest. "I can't argue with that. I don't think he did very much to recommend himself during our meeting this morning. Whatever good impression Vukovic had made with the general appears to be in serious jeopardy."

"Good," she said definitively.

Mike yawned hugely. "Man, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I'm sorry I woke you up. Go back to sleep."

"I will, but I'm glad you called, Faith." He lay back on the bed again, his eyelids already getting heavier.

"I had to. I couldn't stand the suspense." She laughed nervously. When he said her name it sounded like an endearment.

"Hey, there it is, she's still laughing." He sounded so sleepy. "Seriously, thank you… for everything." He yawned again, making Faith yawn too.

"Stop it, Michael. Hang up and go to sleep."

They ended the call, both feeling better about their future at JAG but resolved to keep a wary eye on Vukovic.

2200

Tuesday

April 12

Interstate 76 west

Somewhere in Pennsylvania

The Chrysler 300 C class seemed to be gliding down the highway and around the curves that seemed to come out of nowhere. Jack Keeter looked over at his friend and former shipmate. Harm looked pensively out the window at the dark landscape.

"You okay, Harm?"

"Yeah, just thinking about my grandmother. You know I forget that she's over 80 years old sometimes."

"Maybe you should bring her back with you for a while, Harm. It couldn't hurt."

"Our apartment is so small. It's just right for us, but there really isn't a lot of room for having company overnight. I wouldn't feel right having my grandmother stay alone, even someplace like the Willard."

"She's your grandmother, Harm. I would think about it if I were you. Sometimes when older people lose someone close to them like that…they fail really quickly. She's all alone out there, Harm."

"You're worried about her too, aren't you?"

"Yeah."

"She's independent, Keeter – if she thinks were managing her she will kick us out of there so fast it will make our heads spin."

"What happened to the old Rabb charm?" He gave him a sidelong glance.

"It doesn't work on other Rabbs." He never could get anything past his grandmother. The younger Sarah Rabb had always been hard to charm too.

"Oh."

1430

Wednesday

April 13

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Harm and Keeter walked on each side of Mrs. Rabb. They had just returned from the graveside service. She was supporting herself all right, but she seemed to need someone to guide her along. Kathie O'Reilly had been right. Harm had never seen her like this before. He looked over her head at Keeter, who returned his look.

"Grandma, why don't you come back to Washington with us?"

She looked at him and frowned. "No, Harmon…You don't want me underfoot. You and Mac are so busy you barely have time for each other."

"She just doesn't want to ride back to Washington with me, Harm."

Keeter was trying to get a rise out of her and he gave Harm a wink. He was willing to try anything to get her to talk to him like she used to. Jack hadn't realized how much he enjoyed the lighthearted barbs they threw at each other, or how much he missed them.

She looked up at Keeter and smiled sadly. "Rascal," she said in a soft voice. She hadn't said it with her gentle pinch on the arm or tap on the back.

Keeter gave Harm a worried look behind her back. "Hey, I know…I'll let you drive the Chrysler again. You know you can't turn that down."

Harm gave Keeter a sharp look; he didn't want to take those curves out of nowhere with his grandmother driving.

He said quickly disagreeing, "Oh, Keeter, I don't think she would want to…"

His grandmother had stopped and looked at Harm with her sad smile still in place…"I'll think about it, Harm."

She touched his arm lightly and walked up the stairs of her porch. She knew what they were doing. Everyone had been fussing over her. It was almost embarrassing but she was all right. She was mourning her friend. She had to admit she had been distracted, but she would be fine.

Keeter and Harm stood on the stone pathway to the house watching Mrs. Rabb go inside. Harm looked at his friend.

"You were right, Keeter. I am not leaving her here alone."

1530

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Petty Officer Coates was restocking the last of the staples for the break room. She was standing on a small step ladder. Lieutenant Vukovic walked into the break room, startling her. She dropped a box of Sweet and Low packets, sending them flying everywhere.

"Oh! I'm sorry, sir." Jen stepped down and immediately began picking them up.

"Not a problem, Petty Officer." He looked at her from behind, admiring the view.

Jen stood and replaced the packets in the box. "I'm all thumbs sometimes, sir."

"Oh, I'll bet you're really good with your hands, Petty Officer." He stood a bit too close and winked at her.

Gunny had been walking toward the break room to get his second cup of coffee of the afternoon. He heard the last part of this conversation. He froze just before he rounded the corner into the doorway.

Jen had seen Vukovic's type before, and she had developed a sure fire way of rebuffing that kind of behavior. She stepped slightly closer to the door and spoke a bit louder than necessary.

"Why yes, sir, I am good with my hands." Jen made sure her voice would carry outside the room. "I have been able to get my typing speed up to 90 words per minute." She smiled demurely. "That's what you meant, isn't it, sir?"

Vukovic had not charmed the petty officer as he thought he would. He cringed as he imagined who in the bullpen had heard her repeat his exact words. Her voice carried very well in the tone she had used.

"Yes, Petty Officer, of course." He just wanted to end this conversation as quickly as possible. All he needed was for Commander Turner to pop up out of nowhere. He had been doing that a lot lately.

Outside the break room as Gunny considered whether or not to interrupt this 'scene.' A grin spread slowly across his face. Jen handled that with grace and not a little humor. He chuckled under his breath. They were definitely going 'out' for dinner tonight. He turned to go back to his desk. He would wait until the lieutenant cleared the break room.

Jen looked at the lieutenant sincerely. "Will that be all, sir?"

"Yeah...I mean yes, Petty Officer."

She nodded, offering a quick "Sir," and left the room.

She rounded the corner and passed Gunny on his way back to his desk. They looked at each other for a moment and their eyes locked. She then passed him and walked on to her desk. Jen knew Victor wanted their relationship kept completely out of the office and she understood.

Gunny went to his desk and called her. He said only "McMurphy's tonight, Petty Officer."

"Are you buying?"

"That's affirmative."

"In that case, I'll be there."

"By the way, I just wanted to say I -heard- about the great job you did getting the break room squared away."

"You did?" Jen understood his meaning. She was hoping –someone- had heard.

"I did. Outstanding, Petty Officer." Gunny was grinning from ear to ear.

"Thank you, Gunnery Sergeant."

They ended their call, giving each other a quick glance before carrying on with their day.

1930

Wednesday

April 13

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Harm stood in the kitchen and replaced the handset on the telephone. He had just spoken to General Creswell. He was to return to JAG first thing tomorrow morning. He would be flying back to the Persian Gulf. There had been an incident involving Iraqi fisherman approaching an oil platform. Since a similar situation last year resulted in an insurgent attack with a number of American and Iraqi casualties, the ROE needed to be revisited in this situation.

Harm shook his head as he turned to walk into the living room and tell his grandmother what he had to do, and then it occurred to him. He could ask his grandmother to stay while he was away. Since Mac had that little episode of pain at her incision site, he had worried more about her. He had hoped that he wouldn't have to leave her for an extended period of time until after the baby came. He knew his grandmother would step right in and assume the caregiver role, however minor. It was as much a part of her as flying was to him.

0015

Thursday

April 13

Gunny Galindez's apartment

Alexandria, Virginia

Jen lay on her side, watching Gunny sleep. They had gone out to dinner at McMurphy's, danced, and had gotten back late for a week night. He had seemed more open with her tonight than he had ever been. She knew he cared for her and there was no doubt of his attraction to her. Tonight there was something more, something she couldn't quite put her finger on.

They had talked about what had happened with Lieutenant Vukovic. He had said over and over how impressed he was with how she had handled the situation. When they sat at their table, he sat closer to her. He was more openly affectionate, holding her hand, leaning in closer when he spoke. Something was definitely going on here.

She had strong and very special feelings for Victor, though she wasn't quite sure if there was a future in them yet. She was going to be cautious because she didn't want to be hurt anymore by anyone. She knew that he was a good guy but she just wasn't sure it was worth it to risk her whole heart.

She watched him sleep. He lay there on his side, facing her. He looked handsome even with the slight frown he had on his face. His arms were folded across his chest, slightly forward, almost shielding his face and upper chest. She wondered if he ever slept any other way. He had probably done that to be able to sleep anywhere he had to be, she thought. In a barracks, on the ground…with someone he wasn't sure he wanted to let in too closely…maybe it was a way to keep someone at arm's length.

She thought she might just lean across and kiss his arm or touch him. Suddenly she wanted to so badly, but then she though she had better not. He was a Marine, after all.

Gunny took a deep breath as he began to wake and opened his eyes slightly. "Jen?"

"Hey, I'm sorry I woke you. I couldn't fall asleep." She smiled at him and leaned forward, tucking her hand inside his folded arms, kissing his forearm.

He smiled at her sleepily.

"I was thinking about doing that while you were asleep but I was afraid you might think I was a scorpion and kick me out of bed." She laughed softly.

He unfolded his arms and gathered her in.

"Oh…I don't think you have to worry about that." He kissed her and rolled her onto her back. He clasped both of her hands in his own as she slipped beneath him.

"So… you're not sleepy?"

He dipped his head down, kissing her neck, opening his mouth to taste the skin from below her ear to her shoulder to her collar bone.

"Mmmm, no…no, not really." Her breathing deepened and she knew without a doubt that she was becoming addicted to this man. She'd never believed she would, but she felt an attraction for him that she hadn't felt for any man before. He was the most decidedly masculine man she had ever met. He was her complete opposite, and when they made love she had never felt more whole in her life.

"Round two?" He returned to her lips, nipping them and grinning at her devilishly.

"Mmmm …don't know…" She couldn't believe how much she wanted him. They had made love, showered and gone to bed just an hour ago. Yet for all she felt for him she could have been without him for days. He was truly ruining her for anyone else.

He stopped kissing her and looked directly into her eyes. "Oh I think you do."

An hour later they slept; this time Jen was tucked into Victor's arms, where she remained until they woke the next morning.

0630

Thursday

Interstate 76 east

Somewhere in Pennsylvania

Jack Keeter focused on the road ahead. He was paying more attention than usual, as the morning fog had not burned off yet. He glanced every now and then in his rear view mirror to check on Mrs. Rabb.

She had barely said a word that morning. She was up before they were, with coffee made and her bags packed. It was the first time Keeter could remember that she hadn't baked anything or tried to feed them both more food than they would ever need, though. She had agreed to come with Harm and stay while he was away, only on the promise that Keeter would bring her back to the farm as soon as Harm returned. She hadn't wanted to be 'in the way.'

Harm was lost in his own thoughts that morning. He and Keeter had remained quiet so that Mrs. Rabb could sleep. She had fallen asleep not long after they left the farm, or so they thought. Mrs. Rabb had leaned back and closed her eyes only to keep Harm and Keeter from feeling like they had to entertain her. She knew she was truly blessed to have them, to have Mac and the new baby on the way. She knew she needed to shake this off and go on. Her friend Jack O'Reilly would have said the same thing. She smiled at the thought. She and David and Jack had been a handful when they got together. After she had lost David, Jack had been her mainstay in those first few years. He stepped in as a father figure after Harmon Sr.'s grandfather passed away. She sighed heavily.

She opened her eyes slightly to see Keeter looking at her in the rearview mirror.

"Jack Keeter, stop spying on me, young man." She teased, feigning irritation.

Jack was startled. "Oh…I'm sorry, Mrs. Rabb."

Mrs.Rabb chuckled and Harm laughed at him. Mrs. Rabb reached over the front seat and rested her hand on Harm's shoulder.

"You two stop worrying about me. I'm all right."

Keeter laughed at himself along with them. "Okay, I'll stop worrying….when you start giving me a hard time again."

She folded her arms across her chest and turned toward the car window on her side of the vehicle. She put her head back and closed her eyes.

"I'll think about it." She thought for a moment. "You two stop being so quiet. It's not normal."

Harm and Keeter looked at each other; each with a sheepish grin. Keeter turned the radio on, and as they sped toward Washington, Mrs. Rabb fell into a peaceful sleep.

1130

Thursday

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm strode down the hallway toward Mac's office hoping that he would be able to see her before he left. He had gone home, gotten into his uniform and picked up his gear. He didn't think he would be away for a very long time but lately you just never knew. Mac turned the corner on the opposite end of the hall and when she saw him she gave him a radiant smile. She was starting to show now, even in uniform. Somehow, the knowledge that this smart, accomplished and beautiful woman was his wife and that she was carrying his baby made him walk a little taller and push his chest out a bit further.

She had opened the door and waited for him to come inside. She closed it behind him and leapt into his arms. "I missed you."

"I missed you." He kissed her hair and her neck. He pulled back to look at her. "I'm sorry, I have to go again. And I'm sorry about bringing my grandmother back with me on such short notice."

"It's all right, Harm. From what you've told me I'm glad we could be there for her. I'll never be able to repay her for what she did for me, Harm." Her expression was serious. "Will she be okay while I'm here, do you think?"

"She's not that bad, Mac. She's just so quiet. You'll see what I mean when you see her. Keeter is going to take her to lunch and show her some of the sights."

"Oh, poor Sarah."

They both chuckled at that but then the urgency of the situation came back to the surface. He had to go. She hugged him close again.

"Do you think you'll be able to get your F/A-18 quals out of the way?" She pulled back for a moment, waiting for the gleam to show up in his eye. She wasn't disappointed.

"You can't wait, can you?"

He smiled in spite of himself. "I am looking forward to getting back to a carrier for a while. You know me too well for me to deny it."

"I don't want you to deny it, Harm." It was just another part of Harm that she loved.

"Bud says I have a very large inner child."

"I would have to agree."

She laughed at him and her laughter drew him in like a magnet. He kissed her goodbye and all thoughts of military decorum left him. It was a kiss he wanted to keep with him until he got back.

When he broke the kiss, she kissed him again. She said, "You know, you're going to have to stop kissing me like that when I have to go to court."

He loosened his embrace and stepped back from her.

"I will if you will." He kissed her forehead and took one last look. He walked back down the hallway and out of the building. He was due at Andrews by 1300.

An hour later, Harm waited to board the C-130, starting the long trip to the Kennedy in the Persian Gulf. He remembered that he hadn't told her he loved her before he left. He looked at his watch and thought he might catch her before court resumed. Mac answered on the first ring.

"Colonel Rabb."

"Hey, I forgot something."

He smiled sheepishly and turned around so that his fellow passengers might not hear him. He suddenly felt as though everyone in the group waiting to fly over could hear him.

"I was wondering if you would remember." Mac sat at her desk in her chambers, waiting until she was ready to go to court.

"Ah…now I'm in the middle of a crowd of people"

Mac knew why he called. "When are you going to board?"

"Any minute."

"Well, honey…what is it?" She feigned ignorance.

"Stop giving me a hard time, Marine. You know why I called."

She laughed at him, enjoying one more little zing before he left.

The group had started to board and he followed, hanging back slightly. "Okay, I love you. Got to go, bye."

"Love you." Mac heard him end the call. She already missed him.

TBC


	27. Chapter 27

Will You Always Be There?

Chapter 70

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Any episode or spoiler through season 10 is fair game. There are a lot of references to 'Bridging the Gulf' and 'JAG San Diego' I have scrambled the order in which things have happened. Remember this is fanfic and I'm just playing around with the season, it's my prerogative…with a nod to Bobby Brown.

A/N: Many thanks to Aerogirl for her beta reading skills and encouragement.

A/N: I want to thank everyone who has reviewed and taken the time to let me know you enjoyed my story.

1130

Thursday

April 26th

USS John Kennedy

Harm stood on 'vulture's row' watching the F/A-18's take off from the flight deck. He had finished his quals. The last two weeks had been unbelievable. He had been able to finish his quals all right, but he hadn't been prepared for what happened somewhere in between. Sturgis's role in the whole fiasco had been the last straw with regard to their friendship. To say they had words would have been an understatement. Colonel Najjar had been right when he said 'best friends make the worst enemies.'

He had been charged with the murder of a high-ranking Iraqi government official. When he had spoken to Sturgis about it, it was as though he didn't even know him. They had nearly come to blows; if Colonel Najjar had not interrupted them, he was sure they would have. They had been able to uncover what had really happened, and he had been cleared of the murder charges.

The part of all of this that Harm could not shake was that Sturgis had been perfectly willing to charge him without doing everything he could to be sure that Harm was culpable in this case. 'By the book' Sturgis. He'd acted as if Harm had wanted him to compromise himself for his sake. That was not the case at all. He just thought that as his friend he deserved the benefit of the doubt or at the very least a more thorough investigation.

Sturgis had even thrown his acting JAG duties in his face. Yes, it had bothered him that he hadn't been considered, but he'd had more on his mind than ambition then. All he'd wanted at that time was for Mac to make it through her surgery and have a normal life.

They had spoken again before Sturgis returned to JAG, but the damage had been done. There were times he didn't think he would ever understand Sturgis. He could have lost everything he had worked for and Sturgis could only quote chapter and verse of the UCMJ. Harm was startled from his reverie by a petty officer who approached him.

"Excuse me, sir."

"Yes, Petty Officer?"

"You have an emergency ship to shore call, sir."

Harm's mouth went dry; his first thought was of Mac. He hurried to answer his call.

"Harm?"

"Mac? Are you okay?" Harm had dozens of scenarios going through his mind and all of them were bad. The old fear of losing her rose to the surface immediately.

"I'm fine, honey – it's not me." Where would she begin?

"What is it?"

"Harm… Mattie has been in an accident. She was taking a flying lesson when the weather took a bad turn. Her instructor had landed the plane and they were taxiing down the runway when they collided with another plane."

Silence on the line.

"Harm?"

"I'm here. Is Tom with her?"

"Yes, we all are. Your grandmother and I came out late last night. I know I should have called right away, but I wanted to make sure you had finished your quals before I told you what was going on."

"How is she?"

"She hasn't regained consciousness yet, Harm. She is more stable than she was last night, but until she regains consciousness the doctors won't be able to assess the damage accurately. We have a neurologist on his way from Johns Hopkins. He may be able to tell us more."

At that moment Harm felt completely powerless to do anything to help the little girl he had loved like a daughter. He was glad that Mac was there for her along with his grandmother.

"I'm due out of here in the morning. The COD is supposed to be here at 0800 our time. I don't think I'll be back to Andrews until late Saturday at the earliest."

"We have it under control here, Harm. I have notified General Creswell about what is going on. He expects to hear from you ASAP. He has your preliminary reports but everything about the new ROEs was delayed due to the possibility of the charges against you. I'm sure that if you explain the circumstances he will allow you to come out here for at least a couple of days."

Harm was silent, unable to settle the thoughts in his head. He had been thinking of the resolution of a murder charge and possibly the end of a treasured friendship. Now this with Mattie…my God. How would Tom handle this? Could he stand by her in this – could he be there for her?

"Is Tom holding up all right, Mac?"

"He is understandably upset, Harm. I think he's struggling, but so far he is holding up well for Mattie." For whatever reason, Mac wanted to give Tom the benefit of the doubt. She knew that it could easily be her. She always kept the phrase 'you're only as good as your last sober day' etched into her memory. She had too much to lose now to ever be complacent in her recovery.

"Thank God." He had been happy for Mattie that she had been able to mend her relationship with her father. It had gone a long way in helping her grow into the strong young lady she had become. He hoped that he would not fail her this time.

"Are you all right, Harm?" Mac had known about the charges against him. They hadn't had the chance talk at all since he left.

"I'm okay. I just need to get back there now." He couldn't begin to put into words how he felt. He had expected to breeze through his investigation, update the ROEs and enjoy his quals. In less than a week he had expected to be back at JAG. Things had not turned out as he had planned. The last two weeks had been a near nightmare and now this.

"You will be soon, Harm. I know you're in a place were you can't really talk to me. Just know that I'm here for you and that I love you."

"Thanks, Mac...I…well, thanks." He really wished he could tell her he loved her, but he was in CIC surrounded by his subordinates and superiors. "I'll talk to you soon."

2045

Friday

April 29th

St. Vincent Hospital

Blacksburg, Virginia

Mac sat on the waiting room chair, shifting uncomfortably. "Maybe I should walk for a while." She turned to look at Mrs. Rabb.

"It might be a good idea, Mac. You've been sitting most of the day, here and at Mattie's bedside." Mrs. Rabb's brow furrowed with concern. She worried that Mac was not resting enough. She had barely slept at all since they arrived on Thursday night. She had to return to JAG on Monday morning. Mrs. Rabb planned on staying even if Harm was able to make it back to Blacksburg before Mac had to return to Washington.

Mac stood and turned again to Mrs. Rabb. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, I'll be fine. I just hope Tom comes back soon. I have a very bad feeling about him, Mac."

She had seen his type when she was a young girl, even before she had been 'hired out' to the Rabb family – her father's friends who frequented the bar they lived above.

All Tom had been able to do was cry and say over and over, "My little girl.' The self-pity was evident in his tone of voice. 'She's all I've got,' he had said.

It was about him, not about what Mattie was suffering or what she could suffer in the future. She would need someone who had the strength to help her through this. Tom didn't seem to her to be someone who was capable of doing that. Alcoholism was a disease, but a person who would not recognize it and treat it was the worst kind of coward, in Mrs. Rabb's opinion. They had not seen him since late last night. She had known where he was going.

Mac had nodded and then started down the hallway to the cafeteria. She thought Mrs. Rabb might be right, but she hoped not. When she had spoken to Tom on that Christmas Eve so long ago, she believed that she sensed an ability to put Mattie first in that situation. She hoped that he would be strong enough to do that once again.

As she turned to corner toward the hospital coffee shop, she saw Jen walking toward her.

"Ma'am?" Jen's voice was nearly cracking with emotion. She had gotten there as quickly as she could after she secured for the day

"Jennifer?" Mac waited for her.

"How is she?" Her eyes were huge with concern.

"There have been no changes, Jen, but she's holding her own." Mac knew that Jen had loved Mattie as a sister. This had to be affecting her deeply.

The tears that Jen had kept at bay since she heard the news were now spilling down her cheeks. Mac reached for her arm.

"Jen, she's going to come out of this." She refused to believe that Mattie would not pull through. She knew she must stay positive for Mattie's sake and that Jen would have to be too.

"I'm sorry." Jen tried to compose herself quickly. She took a handkerchief out of the pocket of her jacket and wiped her tears.

"Come on, let's go get a cup of coffee and then we can go see her."

They each got a cup of coffee and sat down.

"Was Gunny not able to get away?"

"He is accompanying Major McBurney and Lieutenant Vukovic to Iraq. He left this afternoon." Victor had been great about Jen being so preoccupied with Mattie.

Mac thought that it might be a good idea for McBurney to take the gunny; he would need someone to watch his back with Vukovic. She wondered what the general had been thinking by putting those two together so soon after their altercation in San Diego. Maybe that had been the point; you never really knew with General Creswell.

Jen and Mac returned to the waiting area just outside Mattie's room. Mrs. Rabb was standing beside Mattie's bed. They could see her speaking to Mattie. Mac stepped just inside the door. She could hear Mrs. Rabb telling her that Harm was on his way and that her father had just stepped out for a little while.

"Sarah?"

Mrs. Rabb was startled. "I'm just trying to coax Mattie back over to this side of the world." She smiled. "I think we should talk to her, as much as we can. I have always believed that patients who are in this state can hear us on some level or another."

She walked to the doorway where Mac was. She looked at Jennifer and said hello.

"I think Jen wants to see Mattie." Mac and Mrs. Rabb had been given expressed permission from Tom to be at her bedside, one at a time.

Jen spoke up. "I won't be long; I just brought her something that I thought she would like." Jen lifted her iPod so that they could see it. It had her headphones attached so that Mattie would be able to listen to her favorite music.

"Excellent. What a wonderful idea." Mrs. Rabb decided that they would just take a chance, and if the nurses said she had to stay outside they would do as they were asked.

Jen crept into the room as she exited.

"Speak to her, honey, I think it might help. Try to stay calm and keep your tone of voice even." Mrs. Rabb was giving her instructions from the doorway.

Mac looked at Mrs. Rabb and smiled. Her frame of mind had changed dramatically since they were informed of Mattie's accident. She had become totally focused on her, talking about the possible ways for her to recover, speaking of other patients she had cared for who had recovered fully and gone back to their lives. She never spoke of the negative and wouldn't let Mac even consider it.

She had said, 'There will plenty of time to consider other options. We need to stay positive for Mattie's sake.' Mrs. Rabb seemed to exude hope and it had been contagious. She had been able to lay her grief aside to help care for Mattie.

They all took a shift that evening and into the next day, speaking to Mattie and playing her favorite music.

1735 Zulu

Saturday

April 30th

Somewhere over Eastern Europe.

Gunny opened his laptop and booted it up. He decided to drop Jen an email even though he knew she wouldn't see it until she got back to work Monday. She had told him that she would be spending the weekend in Blacksburg with Mattie. She had been nearly inconsolable when she had first heard about the accident. She had eventually reined her feelings in, though, and stayed in touch as much as she could by phone with the colonel, who kept her posted on the girl's progress. Mattie had not made a lot of progress so far, though. He frowned at the thought, and he hoped that would change soon.

Lieutenant Vukovic noticed Gunny on his laptop and smirked. He hadn't thought the gunny could handle technology of any kind. He had to be almost 40 and enlisted. He wouldn't be surprised if he didn't have a cell phone. Why they hadn't insisted he retire after he had his knee surgery was beyond Vukovic.

"Is there a problem, Lieutenant?" McBurney could not help but notice his expression since he was sitting across from him.

"Oh, no sir."

The last thing he needed now was to get into it with the major. He plastered an expression of fake respect across his face. He would do his penance for a while, but he knew he would get back in the general's good graces. He had volunteered to accompany Major McBurney on this case. The general had been impressed with his idea, as he had known he would be.

This would be a high profile case. A marine had been captured on film shooting an unarmed civilian in a mosque, in less than 24 hours it was being seen on every news service in the world. He would be sitting second chair on the defense team of the Marine along with the major. They would be going up against a very highly respected Marine JAG. He intended to be sure he made an impression on them all.

0630

Sunday

May 1st

Andrews Air Force Base

Langley, Virginia

The C-130 had just touched down and Harm gathered his gear, getting ready to leave the plane. It had been a long flight. He had tried to sleep but had been unable to. He had been so worried about Mattie; she had already been through so much in her lifetime. She had to come out of this. She still had so much living yet to do.

Harm looked at his watch; he could be on his way to Blacksburg in about an hour if he planned it right. He hoped Mac would call this morning. He needed to hear from her, but couldn't call her on her cell because of the hospital regulations.

He had spoken with General Creswell before he left the Kennedy. The general had told him to take all the time he needed. He was grateful; he didn't know if he would have been able to stay in Washington and at JAG if he had not been given the opportunity to be with her now.

He had hoped to be here late last night, but they had a six-hour delay in Germany. He wanted to talk to Mac but he was glad she was with Mattie, even if that made her unreachable for while. He hoped Tom was with her too.

1300

Sunday

May 1st

St Vincent's Hospital

Intensive Care Unit

Harm walked toward the nurse's station with his heart in his throat. She had to be all right – he could not lose her. He was focused on the nurse at the desk and was about to ask for Mattie's room number when Tom came out of nowhere. He was in Harm's face and smelled of alcohol so strongly that Harm drew back from him, as did the nurse standing behind the nurse's station.

"I can't find my girl…she's dead…Oh God, she's dead." He looked at the nurse. "Where the hell is she? What did you do to her?"

The nurse tried to speak but Tom refused to hear her.

"No, no, no…I know that you know …something."

His words were loud and seemed to echo off of the walls. Harm grabbed him by both arms.

"Stop it."

He couldn't stand to hear another word. It couldn't be true. The very sound of those words being spoken were so repulsive to him that he nearly lost what little he had to eat that day.

"Harm?" Mac was walking down the hallway toward him with a man he had never seen before.

Harm let go of Tom and fully turned toward her. Tom grasped the nurses' station to keep from falling down.

"Mac? Where's Mattie...She's not…"

Mac walked even more swiftly toward him.

"No, this is Tom's sponsor from AA. Chris Butler."

Tom recognized him then and nearly fell toward his sponsor. "Chris, they won't tell me – I know she's dead, my little girl, she's gone, just like her mother. I'm going to lose her too." Tom began to sob uncontrollably.

Harm could barely stand to hear him speak. He looked at Tom's sponsor.

"Get him out of here." He knew if he had to hear much more he would have thrown him out himself.

Chris looked at Mac as he braced Tom on his feet. "I'll get him sobered up. I'll be in touch." Mac nodded and watched him walk away with Tom.

"Where is she, Mac?" Harm's voice had an edge.

"Come with me. She is responding now, Harm. The neurologist from Johns Hopkins is reviewing her new CT scan as we speak. I just didn't want to say too much in front of Tom. In his state of mind he could demand to see her and I don't think either of them needs that now."

Mac took his hand and led him down the hallway and through a set of double doors labeled 'Critical Care.' They walked to the end of the hall, and as he looked into the room at the very end he saw Mattie. She was lying with her head elevated and was wide awake. Jen stood on one side of her and Mrs. Rabb stood on the other. Her face was cut and was bruised and both of her legs were in splints. She had a cast on her left arm.

Harm was so relieved that she was conscious that his knees nearly buckled. Running into Tom and hearing his worst fears spoken aloud had shaken him to the core. He stopped at the foot of her bed.

"Hey, champ." He hoped his voice would not betray his feelings at that moment.

"Hey." Her voice was barely there because of the respirator that had been in place just 24 hours before. "They just moved me down here."

Harm nodded, unable to construct a sentence in his head just now. He was so glad she was still alive, that he hadn't lost her. Mac came to his rescue.

"I found him looking for you in ICU. I got him redirected." She took his hand that he had at his side and gave it a squeeze.

He cleared his throat. "Yeah."

Mattie managed a grin. "You can kiss me hello, I don't hurt…right here." She pointed to the right side of her forehead. "No hugs, though…I'm not ready for that."

Harm walked over to her bedside and kissed the spot not bruised or cut, hoping Mattie wouldn't see the tears forming in his eyes.

Mac decided she would try and lighten the mood a bit. "You'll have to excuse Harm, Mattie. He's been on a plane for the last two days."

"That's okay, Harm; I've been kind of out of it for the past few days too." She joked back in her raspy voice, eliciting a chuckle from everyone in the room.

Mrs. Rabb thought this was a good time for them to leave Harm and Mattie alone for a moment. She looked at Mac, who seemed to understand what she was thinking.

"Mattie, I think we girls will take a break and let you and Harm catch up. We'll be back, but remember, not -too- much talking." With that Mrs. Rabb led the way out of the room.

Harm sat down beside Mattie's bed and took her hand. He gave her a soft smile.

"It's going to be okay, Mats."

"I know. Have you seen my Dad?" Mattie searched his face.

"Yeah, but he's not doing too well now, Mattie. Mac called his sponsor and he's trying to help him get…adjusted to what's going on now." Harm wouldn't say he was drunk but he knew by what he had said Mattie would figure it out. He would not lie and say he was fine. Mattie would see right through that, even in the state she was in now. He had never lied to her; he wouldn't start now.

Mattie did understand. She frowned slightly and drew a deep breath.

"I shouldn't have gone up that day."

"Hey, you can't take this on. You had no way of knowing what would happen." He gave her hand a squeeze. "You're still here, Mattie. And you're going to get better."

"Don't leave me, Harm."

"I won't. I swear it." Harm closed his other hand over their clasped hands.

1435

Sunday

May 1st

St. Vincent's hospital

Blacksburg, Virginia

Harm walked into the waiting area while Mattie slept. He saw Mac curled up uncomfortably on the sofa. She was resting her head on her hand and had apparently nodded off. He walked up to her quietly and touched her arm.

"Hey, sleepyhead." He gave her an amused smile.

Mac startled awake and looked up at him.

"I'm sorry, I was just coming down to check on you two." She scooted down to allow him to sit in the corner of the very uncomfortable sofa. Harm placed his arm on the back of it and pulled her close to him.

"Hello." He kissed her on her cheek and then quickly on the lips.

"Hi."

Harm leaned back enough to really look at her face. "How much sleep are you getting, anyway?"

"Thanks a lot, Harm." She smirked at him, thinking she must look awful. "Do I look that bad?"

"Stop it, Mac. You just look tired. I can worry about you, can't I?" Harm's voice was gentle but firm. He was glad she was going home tonight. "You still need to take care of yourself." He was still studying her face.

"I know. I'm going home in a couple of hours and I'll catch upon my rest then." She tucked her head under his chin and hugged him to her. She let out a satisfied sigh. It was so good to see him. These last weeks had been hell for them both.

"What about you, Harm…are you going to be okay? About Sturgis, I mean." She lifted her head from his shoulder and looked at him.

"Yeah, I think so. We spoke before he left on the COD. He left for the States with a witness that we used to assist in clearing me of the murder charges. A witness he should have spoken to before he decided to charge me." He shook his head slightly. "I don't know, Mac. I don't know if our friendship is going to survive this."

Mac listened and took his hand. She hoped that they would come to some type of truce in this. She and Sturgis had had their moments too, but he and Harm had been friends since they were in their first year at the Academy. She looked into his eyes.

"One thing at a time, Harm."

He leaned his dead down slightly and kissed her.

"I'm glad you're here." He reached over and placed his hand on her tummy and he was promptly thumped from the inside. "Hey." His smile beamed full force.

"She's been really active for the last couple of days. I've been a little stressed and she picked up on it right away. I don't think she's sleeping much either." She placed her hand next to Harm's on her stomach.

Harm was suddenly serious again. "Mac, I don't want you to overdo it."

"I'm not, Harm. I told you I'll rest when I get home, although I do hate leaving you again." She hugged him to her again.

"I never realized how much the work at JAG took us away from D.C. until I didn't get to go with you." She still missed working cases with him. He had truly been her best partner.

"I know."

He had missed her. He knew she would be all right alone, but he had just wanted to be with her. This last incident with Sturgis and his career in general had given him a lot of cause to do some soul searching.

The charges directed at him made him feel as though everything he had ever done in his career had meant nothing. His help had come from an Iraqi colonel. He just didn't know anymore. The only thing he did know was that he was going to see Mattie through this time in her life and build a life with Mac and their baby. Everything else, as far as he was concerned, was secondary.

1530

Monday

May 2nd

JAG headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Faith sat at her computer terminal and clicked to view her e mail. She saw right away that she had one from Michael. She opened it and read:

'Lady Sailor,

Do you miss me yet?

Michael'

Faith frowned, what was that? 'Lady Sailor?'

She smiled to herself as she thought of a response and sent it back immediately. Her reply read:

'Mister Marine'

No…not yet.

Faith'

Chapter 71

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything up to and including 'Death at the Mosque.' Any spoiler posted is also fair game and may be 'loosely' referred to.

1945

Thursday

May 5th

Martyrs Mosque

Karbala, Iraq

Major McBurney, Lieutenant Vukovic and Gunnery Sergeant Galindez waited outside the mosque. They were escorted by two heavily armed Marines. They had returned to the mosque to investigate their case further. Mike was surprised that the lieutenant had been so zealous in his defense of the young Marine accused in this case.

The lieutenant had studied the video tape over and over, especially after he had spoken with the ZNN reporter. Holloman had been so callous in his remarks that even Vukovic had been put off by them. He had made it clear that it was all about getting the lead story, and not the Marine being accused of murder.

The Marine's side could not be told. It might upset the folks at home to know that insurgents wired themselves with explosives, so that when they were approached by coalition troops for capture or even medical assistance when they were wounded, they could be blown away.

One of the Marine escorts had given the all clear, and he and the other Marine escort stood watch outside while the rest of the party entered the mosque cautiously. Gunny went up first and was followed by Lieutenant Vukovic. He looked the room over, trying to recreate the picture he saw in his mind's eye. On film the Iraqi who had allegedly been creeping away from PFC Smith appeared to be reaching for something on the floor, though there appeared to be nothing there. He walked to the approximate place and noticed a notch in one of the boards. He lifted the board.

"Major, I think you should see this, sir."

There within easy reach was an IED which could possibly have leveled the whole mosque, killing everyone inside. PFC Smith's actions had in fact saved the lives of everyone inside that building.

Mike walked toward the lieutenant while Gunny kept watch from one of windows of the minaret. As the major knelt to get a closer look, Gunny saw a sniper stand up from the rooftop of a nearby building. The man fired and Gunny took cover to the side of the window.

"Sniper!" Gunny saw the major take a defensive position, but the lieutenant seemed stunned. He was in the line of fire so he tackled the lieutenant, knocking him to his knees.

"Get down, sir!" Gunny shouted over multiple shots being fired at the mosque. The Marines standing guard returned fire and also took cover inside the mosque.

Within a few short moments they were able to isolate where the gunfire had come from. They were able to take one of the snipers out and the other surrendered. As Gunny and one of their Marine escorts made their way toward the insurgent who had surrendered, the lieutenant spoke to Major McBurney.

"Maybe we can learn more about what happened that night. They had to have been watching this mosque so that we wouldn't find the explosives."

"If he doesn't try to blow us to hell first, Lieutenant."

Mike's eyes never left Gunny as he assisted the younger Marine in searching their new prisoner. The lieutenant followed his eyes and noticed that the sleeve of Gunny's shirt was torn and bloody from the elbow down. The surrender was without incident and they made their way back to MEF Headquarters.

1800

Friday

May 6th

Officers Quarters

MEF Headquarters

Karbala, Iraq

Lieutenant Vukovic was stretched out on his rack when Major McBurney walked by his temporary quarters. He stepped up to his doorway.

"Lieutenant."

The lieutenant stood and came to attention.

"Stand easy."

Vukovic stood at ease.

"You did a great job with your investigation of this case, Lieutenant. You helped keep PFC Smith out of Leavenworth."

They had been able to clear him with the evidence they had been able to gather, in spite of the firefight. Their prisoner had been more cooperative than they had believed he would be as well.

"Thank you, sir," he said sincerely.

He was amazed that after all that had passed between them, the major would give him credit for anything in this case. He knew if the tables had been turned he would not have done the same.

"You may not be thanking me when I tell you what the CO 1st Marines and General Creswell have in mind for you."

"Sir?"

"They would like you accompany the Marines back into Karbala to provide ROE advice in a field environment. You are to report at 1900."

"Yes sir."

"Outside of what we saw yesterday, Lieutenant, have you ever been in combat before?"

"No sir, but I can't say I haven't been shot at. Sir, may I ask a question?"

"You may."

"Is the gunny all right?"

"Yes, Lieutenant – he just had a superficial wound to his arm. He must have incurred it during the firefight."

"Glad to hear it, sir." There didn't appear to be any guile in his voice.

"Very well. Good luck." McBurney turned and walked back to his quarters, thinking that Vukovic might understand this environment better than he thought.

1645

Friday May 6th

JAG headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Bud was closing a case file on his desk when Mac knocked on his open door.

"Have a minute, Commander?"

"Yes ma'am. Please come in." He started to stand but Mac waved him off. She closed the door behind her.

"I'd like to speak with you about something. Are you aware of the 'situation' between Harm and Sturgis?"

Bud leaned slightly forward. "Yes, ma'am."

He knew what the colonel had on her mind, and he wanted to try and put her at ease without involving himself too deeply. Somehow just now he thought that being in between those two was a bad place to be.

"Ma'am, if I may, they have been friends for a very long time. It seems to me that they have always had their differences. They'll find a way to work this out."

Mac nodded. "You seem to have been able to mend your relationship with Sturgis."

"You could say that. Professionally we get along well. I don't think you could say we were friends, ma'am. I don't think Commander Turner is comfortable with being close to anyone that he works with."

She gave him a tight smile. She knew he was right; she knew from her own experiences with Sturgis that he didn't seem comfortable knowing any of them…well.

"I hope it works out, ma'am."

Mac nodded.

"Will you be going to Blacksburg this weekend?" Bud changed the subject because this one was beginning to make -him- uncomfortable.

"Yes, I'll be leaving from here shortly. Jen is planning on coming tomorrow morning. I think she's expecting a call from Gunny tonight."

"She has been great about keeping us up to date on Mattie's progress. I'm really glad for the commander's sake as well as hers that Mattie is recovering."

Jen visited her namesake and her twin sister at least once a week.

"I am too. By the way, Harm should be back Monday. Mrs. Rabb will be staying in Blacksburg until Mattie is released."

"That's good to hear, ma'am."

Bud heaved an inward sigh of relief; with Major McBurney and Lieutenant Vukovic in Iraq he had been a bit overwhelmed this week.

Mac stood and started to leave the room. Bud stood behind his desk. He knew that he had not given her a lot of answers as far as Harm and Commander Turner were concerned, but he really didn't have them. Commander Turner had never really been an easy person to know. He respected him, but he had never had the mentoring type of relationship with him that he had with the commander and the colonel. He just hoped they would work it out before they had to oppose each other in court.

Mac turned and gave him a sad smile. "Thanks Bud."

1845

Friday

May 6th

St. Vincent's Hospital

Blacksburg, Virginia

Harm and Tom Johnson walked down the hallway toward Mattie's room. They had been able to come to an agreement on how to handle their situation in a way that would benefit Mattie most.

Over the course of the last week, Tom had been able to get sober and make some important decisions. He knew that he had not recovered enough to handle Mattie's situation at this point. He didn't think he could stand to fail her anymore. One of the best things he had ever done for her since she lost her mother was to agree to allow Harm to be her guardian. He could not give her up completely, but he would allow Harm to resume his guardianship.

For Harm's part, he was also ready to do whatever was best for Mattie. As disgusted as he had been with Tom, making an enemy of him would have hurt Mattie more than she had already been. When she had forgiven her father for the accident that had killed her mother, she truly began to be able to reach out to other people and be happy for the first time in her life. He wanted that for her, more than anything else. She needed that to be able to focus on her rehabilitation. Her level of function after she healed was still in question.

Tom looked at Harm just before they reached the door of her hospital room. "I think I need to do this alone." They stopped, and Harm nodded his understanding.

Tom walked into Mattie's room. His appearance was far better than it had been when Harm first arrived. He was still feeling hung over and very raw from coming down from his drinking binge; that was apparent from the look on his face. His face was still ruddy and eyes were swollen from crying.

"Dad?" Mattie looked at him questioningly.

"Hey, kid." He was praying for the strength to do this the right way.

"Are you okay?" Her face showed genuine concern.

"Not really, but I will be." Honesty always worked best with his daughter.

She reached for his hand and he took it.

"I messed up again, kiddo. I guess I'm not as strong as I thought I was." He was thanking God that she wasn't angry with him. He looked into her face and saw acceptance and not a little sadness.

"Please don't hate me, honey." He could not keep himself from pleading with her.

"I don't, Dad."

She really didn't. She had learned a lot from her Alateen meetings. When she stopped blaming herself for his alcoholism, she was able to forgive him for the times he had failed she and her mother in the past. The knowledge of that made her less angry at the whole situation. She was also secure in the knowledge that Harm would never leave her. He and Mac and Mrs. Rabb had quickly stepped in to keep the bottom from dropping out of her life.

"Just get better."

"I will, honey. I promise."

He tried to smile, hearing the promises he had made in the past to her and to her mother over and over in his head. Suddenly the room seemed crowded with only him and Mattie in it. He felt an overpowering need for a drink, a need so strong that he knew if he didn't check himself into rehab quickly he would never be able to look at Mattie in the eye again.

"I'm going to go now. I'll keep up with your progress through Harm. I'll be thinking of you… every day." He stood and backed away. He didn't want to fall apart in front of her after all he had done over the last week to disappoint her.

"I love you, baby girl."

Mattie watched him leave the room, knowing there was only a 50/50 chance that he would really check himself into rehab.

"I love you too, Dad." And with that, he was gone.

Harm walked in right after he left. "Are you okay, Mattie?"

She sighed heavily. "Yeah…I'm glad you're here." She looked up at Harm.

He took her hand. "I am too." He winked at her and tried to get her to smile.

She did, with a tear gliding down her cheek.

0230

Saturday

May 7th

Holiday Inn

Blacksburg, Virginia

Mac lay on her back next to her husband, listening to his soft snore. He had been exhausted when she arrived Friday evening. It had taken her, Mattie and Mrs. Rabb to convince him to leave the hospital and get some real sleep. He hadn't left since he arrived last weekend. He'd kept his promise to Mattie to never leave her. Mrs. Rabb had taken the room so that she and Harm could sleep in shifts, but Harm would not take one.

Mac convinced him to leave the only way she knew how. She told him that she wouldn't leave if he didn't. He couldn't stand the thought of her sleeping in one of the chairs or the sofa in the waiting room. They left the hospital about 2300.

By the time Mac had showered and walked back into the bedroom Harm was out. She padded over to the bed and took off his shoes and belt. She smiled, thinking he looked so young, lying on his back, his mouth slightly open and his limbs heavy with sleep. She had missed him so much.

The intimacy of sleeping in the same bed, the closeness that she had come to rely on, had been absent for nearly a month. She knew it was selfish to covet his time now; he was focused on Mattie, as he should be, but she missed having him to herself.

She shook her head, scolding herself for her thoughts and then covered him with the other half of the bed spread. She slipped onto the other side of the bed after getting an extra blanket from the closet for herself. She turned on her side, facing him, and watched the rise and fall of his chest until it lulled her to sleep.

The next morning...

Mac woke to the feeling of Harm brushing her hair back from her face and the smell of coffee. She opened her eyes to see him smiling at her.

"Hey." Harm had gotten up and was already dressed.

"Hey yourself." She sat up slowly and slightly stiff from their uncomfortable bed.

"I know I smell coffee."

Harm got up from the side of the bed and took one of the coffee cups that he had just brought in for them and handed it to her. "I thought you could use some, even if it is decaf."

"I'm almost used to it." In truth she hated it, but it was better than nothing. Decaf did have a small amount of caffeine, didn't it? She smiled at him and took a sip. "Not bad."

"Thanks, I made it myself," he teased. "We'd better get going. I want to be there for Mattie's PT session this morning. She only gets one today. She should be getting started in about an hour." He offered his hand. "Come on, Marine, let's get moving."

Mac took it and let him help her up. She was just beginning to feel awkward with her growing belly. She was almost self-conscious. She stood and quickly went to get her kit and got ready to leave. As she dressed to go, she took a look at herself in the mirror. It seemed in the past week or so her stomach had gotten so much larger. She had never been out of shape in her life. Even though Mac exercised and was not overweight at all, the changes in her body were beginning to make her feel uncomfortable. Harm was being as sweet as ever, but this was the first time in a long time that he had woken her up with just a cup of coffee. Coffee usually came…after.

Harm walked up behind Mac and saw her studying her thickening waist intently, her brow furrowing with what Harm mistook as pain. "Are you okay, Mac?"

Mac was startled. "Oh, I'm fine." She immediately felt silly for what she had been thinking. She knew Harm loved her and she was carrying the evidence that he wanted her. Hormones, that's what this was. "Let's go."

1040

Sunday

May 8th

Baghdad International Airport

Baghdad, Iraq

Major Mike McBurney and Gunnery Sergeant Victor Galindez both settled into their seats, waiting for the plane to taxi down the run way. Lieutenant Vukovic would be staying on for a brief TAD with the 1st Marines.

Mike leaned back and closed his eyes, trying to sort out all that had happened in the last 48 hours. Vukovic had volunteered to stay – had really asked to be allowed to stay. He had made a good impression on the commanding general and the prosecutor in this case, Major Atkins. He would be TAD at least six weeks until the permanent JAG field officer could be installed. When he had spoken to General Creswell about it he did not seem surprised. It was as though this had been the plan all along.

Vukovic had come to his quarters last night and asked to speak with him. He still wasn't sure how to take what he had said. He had apologized for his behavior in San Diego. He had taken responsibility for his part of their –disagreement-.

Mike had asked him, "Why all the innuendo with regard to Commander Coleman and even the case we were trying?"

"I have no excuse, sir." He didn't have one. He had taken an instant dislike of the major. He had wanted what McBurney had, the respect of his peers and his subordinates – something he knew he didn't have, and he hated him for it.

"Why the change of heart, Lieutenant?"

"A number of things, sir. Some are hard to explain."

"Give it a try, Lieutenant." The major still wasn't sure he wasn't trying to play him.

"Well...sir, the respect and trust our client put in us, his willingness to lay down his life to protect me or anyone else. He is only 19 years old. You don't want to know what I was like at 19." The lieutenant caught his informality. "Sorry, sir."

"Go on."

"Sir, being here, seeing our job for what it really is … I just think I want to do what I can to make their jobs easier, I mean for the Marines here on the ground. They are the ones putting it on the line."

"You put it on the line this week too, Lieutenant."

Vukovic nodded. "Yes sir. We all did."

Mike raised his brows, thinking 'humility?' Maybe Vukovic did learn something after all. Faith would love this.

He was startled from his thoughts as the plane began to pick up speed and take off.

Mike looked across the aisle at Gunny, who was looking out of the window of the plane.

"Doing okay, Gunny?"

"Oh, yes sir." He smiled. He was ready to go home. He felt their near miss more keenly this time than he had before. The thought that he might not get home to Jen had occurred to him for the first time. The plane could not get him back to her fast enough.

0700

Monday

May 9th

Harm and Mac's Apartment

North of Union Station

Mac stood in front of the full length mirror in their bedroom. She buttoned the jacket of her uniform. It was getting almost too tight. She would have to get another or have this one altered. She could hear Harm humming to himself as he shaved in the bathroom. She sighed. They had come in late last night and had both fallen into bed.

She was still feeling a little off-balance and self-conscious about her body. Harm's preoccupation with Mattie and the fact that they had spent most of the last week apart meant that they hadn't really had a chance to make love since he returned from the Kennedy. As she looked at herself in the mirror she started to wonder if it wasn't because she was getting so huge that Harm was put off by her.

Harm had stepped into the room and she saw his reflection in the mirror standing behind her.

"Honey, what is it?" Mac looked so upset. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine." She stepped away from the mirror and down the steps into the living room. "Are you ready?"

Harm stood at the top of steps, looking so fit and handsome in his summer whites. Mac looked down at her swollen tummy and then looked away. Pregnant or not, looking at him like that still made her weak in the knees.

"Something is wrong. Mac, talk to me." Harm walked over to her and turned her toward him. He tipped her chin up so that she had to look at him.

"What is it?" The love and sincerity in his blue-green gaze nearly melted her heart.

Mac didn't want to tell him; she felt so childish suddenly, but she had no choice.

"Oh…I look like a hand grenade!" She tugged her chin away from his and stepped away from him. She hadn't meant to say it quite that way, but there it was.

"What?" Harm had to try hard not to laugh out loud. "Hand grenade?" He hadn't been able to keep the chuckle out of his voice.

"It's not funny." This was getting worse by the minute. She sounded like a big baby, even to herself.

Harm walked up to her and pulled her into his arms. "Honey, I'm sorry." He was still laughing, though – he couldn't help it.

She pretended to punch him in the chest. "Jerk."

"What's making you feel like that? I think you look beautiful." He leaned back and looked at her, giving her one of his most charming smiles.

"I know I'm being silly, I'm sorry too. I just feel so awkward. And I…I've missed you. I've missed us." She looked at his lips and then into his eyes.

He had been preoccupied with Mattie, but he had missed her too – she hadn't been aware of how much. He looked at her intently. "You're not thinking I don't want you, are you?"

Mac looked away from him, still too embarrassed to admit what she had been feeling.

"That could not be further from the truth." He turned her face to his and kissed her softly on the lips. Mac deepened the kiss and Harm pulled her into his arms. As she slipped her arms around his neck her internal clock told her that if they did not leave for work now they would be late.

"We should go." She broke the kiss but kept him close to her.

"I know." He looked at her and kissed her quickly and started to loosen his hold on her.

"So I don't look like a hand grenade?" She looked up at him questioningly.

Harm laughed again in spite of himself. "Don't say that."

"I do, don't I?" What a choice of words – she would never live that one down.

"No, it just sounds funny."

"Right…Let's go…we'll be late."

She picked up her cover and briefcase from the dining room table and Harm followed still laughing. 'Hand grenade' – he would have to remember that one.

TBC


	28. Chapter 28

Will You Always Be There?

Chapter 72/75

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or person living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything up to and through 'Dream Team' and any spoiler floating around out there may be 'loosely' referred to.

Many thanks to Tracy who was kind enough to beta read for me while Aerogirl was unavailable. Thank you!

2130

Wednesday

May 11th

Reagan International Airport.

Washington D.C.

Major Mike McBurney and Gunnery Sergeant Victor Galindez made their way down the concourse toward baggage claim. They had flown commercial from Germany with a layover long enough to get some chow and a shower. The airport was less busy this late in the evening; both men were far away in their thoughts. Gunny was trying to decide whether he should call Jen this late. Mike just wanted to get home and get back to JAG tomorrow. Faith wouldn't believe the turn around that Vukovic seemed to be experiencing. Time would tell though. Mike was also ready to try a case in a courtroom instead of a tent, for awhile anyway.

Jen and Gunny's relationship had grown considerably in the last couple of months but still there was no real commitment made. Gunny still didn't know how he felt about that. He knew he cared for her deeply, he loved her, but that was something he hadn't said to anyone in a long time and he wasn't sure he was ready to start now. As they approached the escalator they looked down to the lower level and saw Jen with her arms folded across her chest looking for them.

She smiled at Gunny.

"Hello."

She wasn't sure how he would feel about this. She had gotten their itinerary as a matter of course at work, so she knew their flight numbers and what time they would be in. She just didn't want to wait until tomorrow to see Victor. She had missed him. She looked at the major and quickly.

"Hello, sir."

"Petty Officer Coates." Mike nodded toward her; he could feel the tension in the air kick up a notch when Gunny saw Jen waiting for them. He felt like an intruder suddenly and walked swiftly ahead of them toward baggage claim.

Jen and Gunny followed, hanging back just enough not be overheard.

"I hope you don't mind. I know I could have waited until tomorrow."

Gunny answered quickly "No...Dont worry about it"

He had almost sounded short with her. Jen quickly looked up at him, the question still in her eyes. Gunny answered in the most even tone he could muster.

'It's okay Jen."

He just wanted to get the major on his way to their government-issue vehicle so that he could be away from him and alone with Jen. He kept her at arm's length, not trusting himself to stand too closely. He thought he must be getting soft in his old age because he was having a hell of a time keeping his hands off of her.

Mike had gotten his sea bag from baggage claim and had started back toward Jen and Gunny.

"Will you be taking Gunny back to his car Coates?" Gunny had left his car behind at JAG.

'Yes sir, if that is all right?" She knew it would be, she asked as a courtesy.

"That's fine." He walked past them and started for the shuttle to take him to the parking lot. "See you in the morning."

"Yes sir" they both said in unison.

Gunny continued to walk toward the baggage claim and picked up his sea bag. He turned and walked past Jen.

"Where are you parked?" He just wanted to get somewhere that he could at least hold her without embarrassing himself.

"Victor?" Jen stopped and looked at him. "Are you mad at me for coming here tonight?"

"No."

He had said it almost too loudly. He stopped and turned back to look at her. She was standing there giving him that look that made his heart squeeze in his chest. It was her eyes that got him every time. He was lost from the time he had first really looked into them.

He had been talking to her about her 'friend' Pia and also about her friendship with Commander Rabb. Now he saw sincerity, apprehension and innocence and if, he were honest, he hoped he saw love in her eyes. All of her emotions seemed to reflect in them and made him want to know more. She had seemed to him world-wise and naive all at the same time.

"I know I should have probably…" Jen stopped speaking because Gunny put his sea bag down and was walking toward her with a look that, if Jen hadn't really known him, would have frightened her. His brow was drawn into a frown and his eyes shone with an intensity that nearly took her breath away.

Gunny couldn't take it anymore, he finally didn't care who saw him. He pulled her into a tight embrace and said,

"No…Jen…I'm glad you're here."

His voice was a hoarse whisper, full of barely contained passion as he spoke into her ear. He pulled back and looked at her directly in the eyes for a second before he kissed her. He had always been very private about things like that. He had always given the younger Marines in his units a hard time in the past when their girlfriends showed up right after a deployment. He'd lecture them about 'exercising control.' He smiled at the thought as he broke the kiss.

"What are you smiling about?" Jen kissed him again, lightly, and he looked into her eyes again.

"What have you done to me Jen?" Gunny thought that the old-fashioned word would be 'smitten.'

"Something good, I hope." She waggled her eyebrows slightly.

"Yeah…it could be" He picked up his sea bag with one hand and circled his other arm around Jen's waist as they started out to the parking lot.

2210

Same evening

Capital Beltway

Washington D.C.

Mike pushed the button on his speed dial and a familiar voice answered.

"Coleman." It had been her cell phone number that he called so Faith assumed the call was work related.

"Is this Commander Faith Coleman?" He said with laughter in his voice

"Michael." She recognized it right away.

He wondered why it was so endearing for Faith to say his given name, his proper name. He had always hated it when his mother had.

"Hey, just thought I'd let you know I was back. I didn't wake you did I?"

"No, you didn't. I know I don't have much of a social life, but I do stay up past 2300. On rare occasions I even stay up till midnight," she teased.

She had missed him and it was great to hear his voice.

"I don't know Faith…you're becoming a real woman of the world."

"Hey, don't let it get around. I have a reputation to maintain. How did it go with Vukovic? I was a bit concerned that he was accompanying you."

"It went better than I expected. It's a long story. Why don't we talk about it over dinner tomorrow night? I'll get you caught up on my week and you can get me up to speed with what's going on at JAG."

"You –are- going to buy me a steak…right?"

It had been awhile since they had had dinner together. She couldn't call this one a pay back for a case won, or lost.

"McMurphy's?"

"Sounds good." McMurphy's was fast becoming their place.

"I guess I have to resort to bribery to get you to tell me what's going on. I'm coming up on my exit, so I'll talk to you tomorrow."

He was giving her an out, so she wouldn't see their dinner as a date. He just wanted to see her and spend some time with her, away from JAG. He wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong impression.

"Okay, bye"

Mike ended the call and headed off of the Beltway toward his apartment. It was really strange, now that he and Faith had become closer; he felt the need to connect with her in order to feel at home. He didn't really know where their relationship was going. He just knew he was glad they had it, whatever it was.

1400

Friday

May 13th

St. Vincent Hospital

Blacksburg, Virginia

Mrs. Rabb observed the PT session from across the room. Mattie was sitting in her wheel chair on one end of the parallel bars, resting. Her therapist today was someone she had never seen before but so far she had not made a very good impression.

She seemed young, apparently fresh out of school. Mrs. Rabb had seen her type more times than she cared to remember. She appeared to be very much in love with her authority and the sound of her own voice. Mrs. Rabb caught Mattie's eye and looking back she gave her a slightly bewildered look. This had been a tough session today. Mattie was having more pain because she was going from IV pain meds to oral medication. She had been nauseated and had trouble following the therapist's directions.

The therapist for her part seemed to be doing what Mrs. Rabb termed 'over instruction.' Mattie had a mild head injury, multiple fractures and was having difficulty processing instructions. Mattie was becoming overwhelmed. An experienced therapist would have known that. She approached Mattie and spoke to her too loudly. It made her flinch and made everyone in the PT department look at her. Mattie told her that she wasn't feeling well and that she wanted to return to her room. The therapist chided her, not taking her complaint seriously. She told her they would try one more time, again speaking very loudly, causing a look of near panic on Mattie's face.

Mrs. Rabb stood and walked over to the parallel bars and placed her hand on Mattie's arm to silently reassure her. She looked at the young therapist.

"I think we'd better get her back to her room. She doesn't seem to be feeling very well."

"Are you a family member ma'am?" The therapist spoke with condescension.

"My grandson is her guardian and I am assisting in with her care in his absence." Mrs. Rabb stood a bit straighter, folding her arms across her chest.

"Well, if she doesn't start making progress we're going to have to transfer her to a nursing facility. Her insurance coverage is minimal as it is and if we don't document more progress soon, she'll have to be discharged."

Mattie's face went from white to red with embarrassment.

Mrs. Rabb had finally had enough.

"Young woman, I want to speak with your supervisor. If that person is not available, I will speak with your department head."

"I'm sorry ma'am. You just don't understand how these things work." The young woman smiled smugly.

"I understand very well how these things work. I was a physical therapist for over 40 years. This session is over."

Mrs. Rabb ducked down and came up inside the parallel bars. She situated Mattie's legs carefully on the foot pedals and leg plates and then unlocked her chair. She slowly eased her back and turned her around and took her out of the PT department. As she went she read the name of the department head. She stopped at the reception area. She told the receptionist to tell Ms Porter that she expected to hear from her within the hour, and if she did not that she would take her problem to hospital administration.

Mrs. Rabb wheeled Mattie to the elevators and pushed the button for her floor. Mattie began to cry silently, her face was still burning with embarrassment and hot tears were running down her cheeks.

"Mrs. Rabb, they can't put me in a nursing home can they? I don't want to go there."

The very thought terrified her. She thought that she had been making great progress. Her other therapists had seemed pleased with what she had been able to do so far. She certainly didn't like the one she had today.

"No one is going to make you go anywhere. You have Harmon and Mac." She leaned down and looked at Mattie more closely. "You have me too."

Mattie smiled through her tears. "You're pretty tough sometimes, aren't you?"

"Yes, for an old lady, I have to admit, I am."

She laughed and gave Mattie's shoulder a slight squeeze. Mrs. Rabb was laughing but she was also very angry at the way she had just seen Mattie embarrassed. There was no excuse for it and she intended to see that something was done about it.

1930

Friday

May 13th

Harm and Mac's apartment

Mac sat back in her rocking chair and closed her eyes. She wrapped her arms lightly around her growing belly and thought of rocking her baby in this chair. The chair had been delivered just half an hour before. Mac had hurried home to make sure she didn't miss the delivery man. She and Harm had gone to work in separate cars today because he thought he might have to stay longer. Harm and Bud were working a case together and looked like it would be a late night. Harm would be going to Blacksburg in the morning. He had talked her into staying home; he had been worried that sitting all those hours at the hospital might not be good for her or the baby. She had already done enough of that as far as he was concerned.

The chair was larger than a regular rocking chair. It was the largest one she had ever seen, the perfect size for Harm to rock their baby in. She placed her hands on the arms of the chair and smiled. He could rock HER in this chair it was so big. It was made of a warm brown walnut wood and polished to a satin finish. She imagined handing it down for their daughter to rock her children in. If it was a Rabb rocking chair, it would have to be Rabb size; she thought as she laughed softly and caressed her stomach unaware of her actions. It certainly didn't match anything in this room but she didn't care, she knew Harm would love it.

Mac heard his keys in the lock and she turned to look at him as he opened the door. She hadn't turned any lights on yet and the only light in the room had been from the setting sun.

"Hey, what are you doing sitting here in the dark?"

He flipped on the small lamp by the window. He stopped and took in the sight of her in her in the largest rocking chair he had ever seen.

"Hey sailor, what do you think?" She raised her eyebrows in question.

"What's this?" He put his cover and briefcase on the dining room table.

"I bought myself a Mother's Day present last weekend. They just delivered it an hour ago." She grinned at him mischievously and began to rock it slightly.

"Now, that's a rocking chair." He had his hands on his hips and walked around it. His brow was furrowed but he was grinning from ear to ear.

"No Harm, this is a Rabb rocking chair." She stood up. "Come sit down, I want to see if it fits." She reached for his hand, gave it a tug and stood, allowing him to sit down.

Harm sat down and scooted back in the seat. It did fit him perfectly with room to spare. He could rest his head on the back of the chair and his forearms rested easily on the arms of the chair.

Mac stood back and gazed at him, she could almost see him in her mind's eye, holding their baby in his arms and smiling down at her.

"What are you thinking about Mac?"

She walked toward him. "I'm thinking about what you'll look like rocking our baby in this chair."

He reached for her hand and pulled her into his lap. "Come here."

"I was just thinking that you could rock me in this thing. So…do you like it?" She knew he did, she just wanted to hear him say it.

"I do." He had a thought suddenly. "It's the perfect chair to rock my little 'hand grenade' in." He waggled his eyebrows and winked at her.

"Oh! Not funny!" she pinched his side. "I knew I never should have said that. I'll never live that one down."

Harm was laughing so much that he couldn't answer her at first. "Come on Mac…I hardly ever get one over on you."

"You are enjoying this entirely too much." She turned in his arms and looked at him. He was still laughing, looking happier and more like himself than he had in a long time. Mattie's accident had taken its toll on him but since she had regained consciousness he had begun to look and act his old self. She touched his cheek with the tips of her fingers and kissed him. She couldn't resist that smile anymore, she didn't want to.

"Mmmm if this is what I get for teasing you then I'm going to have to do it more often."

He kissed her lightly and then put one arm under her knees and the other around her back. "Let's move this conversation into the other room." He lifted her in his arms as he stood to walk toward their bedroom.

"Harm, I'm too heavy." She held onto him tightly around his neck but tried to bring her legs down.

"You're fine, Mac"

He walked to the steps and then pretended to wobble slightly. "Gee Mac…I don't know."

"Hey!" She tapped him on the back with her fist.

Harm laughed and walked up the steps. "Hey, stop it, I might drop you. I wouldn't want you to explode"

"You just wait Harmon Rabb. After I have this baby, you are in so much trouble." She was laughing right along with him.

"Looking forward to it Mac." He lay her down easily on the bed. "Now…where were we?" He said as he followed her down on the bed.

1035

Saturday

May 14th

St. Vincent's Hospital

Blacksburg, Virginia

Harm made his way up the hallway toward Mattie's room. He could see Mattie carefully standing with the help of a nurse and his grandmother. She was able to fully bear her weight on both feet but it was very painful. She had fractured 3 ribs and a fracture of her left femur that had required wiring and pinning. The fracture to her left wrist had made functioning as difficult as anything. She still needed some assistance with her balance as well. Harm slowed his pace allowing them to finish their task before his entrance to the room distracted them. Once they got her comfortably into bed, he continued into the room.

"Good morning, ladies." Harm walked into the room focusing on Mattie.

"Hi" she said wearily. She had just finished her only PT session that day and she was tired and was in quite a bit of pain.

Mrs. Rabb spoke up. "We just got back from her therapy session." She gave Mattie a reassuring look. "She did very well today. She is out of the parallel bars and she walked 30 feet today." Mattie had to use a platform walker, since using her left arm on crutches was out of the question. Mrs. Rabb was sure she would only need a cane by the time she went home.

"Mattie, that's great." Harm looked at her trying to catch her eye, but she was looking at his grandmother rather sleepily. "Are you all right kiddo?"

"Just tired" She looked at him and tried to smile.

"She just had her pain medicine about 20 minutes ago. It can make her pretty drowsy."

The nurse straightened her blanket on the bed and placed her call light within her reach.

"Sorry Harm." Mattie had been looking forward to seeing him all week and now she was too tired to talk to him.

"It's okay kiddo. I'll be here when you wake up." He came closer to the side of her bed. He took her right hand and gave it a squeeze.

After Mattie fell asleep Harm and Mrs. Rabb walked down the hallway to the coffee shop.

"I got a phone call last night from a Ms. Porter. She is the head of the PT department here at the hospital. Do you know anything about that?" Harm gave her a sidelong glance.

"I might." Mrs. Rabb set her jaw and looked at him. She had spoken with the department head later yesterday afternoon. Ms Porter had not defended the younger therapist's behavior but she hadn't really agreed with Mrs. Rabb's interruption of Mattie's therapy session either. They had agreed that that particular therapist would not be treating Mattie anymore.

They walked to a table and Harm pulled out a chair for his grandmother to be seated. "I think you ruffled a few feathers yesterday Grandma."

"Good." She said it smugly. She believed she was right and no one would convince her otherwise.

"What happened?" Harm tried not sound accusing; he just wanted to hear his grandmother's side of this story.

Mrs. Rabb told him about what had happened the day before and about its effect on Mattie. She also told him about the difference in Mattie's progress today with a more competent therapist compared to yesterday with the other therapist. She looked at him directly.

"This is something I know about Harmon. We are in a window of opportunity here. Mattie's progress at this point is crucial and if she is discouraged she will not make progress as she should. She needs to heal on so many levels."

"Speaking of progress, we may have a problem in another week or so."

"Insurance?" Mrs. Rabb had known it would be a factor...

"Apparently with Grace Aviation just getting off the ground Tom was only able to afford minimal coverage for them to begin with. She only has another week of hospitalization left and then she will need to be released to my care and home therapy as soon as it can be arranged." Harm had no idea how they were going to manage this.

"Let her come home with me Harm." Mrs. Rabb knew she could take care of her. She also knew that Mattie would make a great deal of progress if she was allowed to. "I know I can get her back on her feet."

This was a lot to ask and Harm wasn't sure his grandmother was up to something this physical. Mattie was still a lot of work. "I don't know Grandma."

"I do. I won't be on my own Harmon. Sam and Kathie O'Reilly will be there if I need any help. I think she will be fine. She will have to be supervised by a practicing therapist but she won't need as many visits since she is with me. You know yourself that it is one of the best places to heal." She smiled at him. She was winning and she knew it.

Harm was being convinced, he should have known better. "I'll see what I can arrange."

"Great, I'll talk to Kathie and Sam .I still have some connections of my own. Let me see what I can do first. They are looking after a few things for me at the farm while I'm here; I know they'd love to help with Mattie."

1645

Thursday

May 19th

National Naval Medical Center

Bethesda, Maryland

Mac lay back on the exam table, her body draped except for her abdomen. She and Harm were waiting for the ultrasound tech to come into the room. Harm sat on a stool next to the table

"I can't wait to see her." Harm's face seemed to be lit with happiness. His expression was so sweet that Mac reached to touch his face. He took her hand and kissed it and placed it back on his cheek.

"Harm, remember, it may not be a girl. I know we've been saying 'she' all the time, but you never know."

She didn't want him to be disappointed. Imagine, Harm wanting a girl instead of another Rabb in his own image.

"It's a girl Mac." He said it with certainty.

The ultrasound tech came into the room, closely followed by Captain Fletcher and also Captain Morrison.

Harm stood "Sir" and turned toward the newly promoted Captain Fletcher "Ma'am."

Captain Morrison wanted to be sure that Mac was making good progress and that there were no reoccurrences. He was still very concerned about the colonel. Harm was glad was he was there. Worry about Mac still nagged at him. He wanted as many reassurances that he could get that Mac was continuing to recover from her surgery and the disease that threatened to take her away from him.

"Shall we get started?" Capt Morrison said and the tech began.

Harm took Mac's hand and leaned forward to get a better look at the monitor. The screen was dark at first and then slowly white grainy shadows came into view. Harm and Mac then saw a straight well developed backbone and then the baby turned.

"Do you want to know the baby's sex?" Captain Fletcher asked.

"Yes, please." They spoke at the same time.

"It's a girl."

Mac and Harm looked at each other and Harm could only chuckle softly under his breath. Then the baby seemed to look up and directly at them. Harm and Mac both drew in their breath sharply.

"Oh….hello" Mac automatically reached for the screen.

"There she is Mac. That's our girl." He kissed the back of her hand that he had been holding since this had begun. They could hear her heartbeat steady and strong. The joy rose up in him so quickly that he wanted to laugh out loud.

"Everything looks good so far." Captain Fletcher stood closer to the ultrasound tech and took the sound head from her. "Let's have a more thorough look." The tech stepped back out of the way. She brought the ultrasound head down to the side of Mac's abdomen where she had had her surgery last fall. She slowly moved the sound head so that she could inspect the area where her ovary had been removed. She moved to the other side looking thoroughly at the right side. Harm looked at Captain Morrison who was watching the ultrasound intently. He tried to discern what he was thinking, but the captain's face gave away nothing.

"How does she look?" Harm couldn't keep himself from asking.

Captain Morrison gave Captain Fletcher an acquiescing nod and she began.

"The baby looks very good. She is positioned well and appears to be gaining weight right on schedule. I would say you are easily into your 28th week."

She smiled at both Mac and Harm and then looked at Captain Morrison.

He began. "As you know Colonel, your blood work has been good and outside of the episode you had with pain at your incision site a couple of months ago, you are doing well. I am however a bit concerned with the amount of scar tissue forming on your left side. Your adjustment of your workout routine seems to have gotten your pain under control. Have you had any other problems with pain?"

"I have it occasionally, not always with exercise. I just assumed it was because my stomach was getting larger."

Harm looked quickly at Mac. She had never mentioned it.

The Captain gave her an assessing look. "Can you describe the pain?"

"It stings sometimes at my incision and then other times it begins there and seems to spread across my lower stomach." Mac placed her hands low on her abdomen, suddenly a bit self conscious.

"Can you show me?"

Mac silently pointed out the area of her occasional discomfort. "I just thought it was normal." Mac suddenly felt the need to defend herself.

"Scar tissue is normal after surgery Colonel; we just have to monitor yours closely because of your pregnancy, with the surgical site being so close to the baby."

Harm's radar was on full alert. He thought Captain Morrison was being guarded in what he said. He wanted to be sure he got the whole story. "Do you have any other concerns Captain?"

"None that I haven't expressed before." He looked at Harm directly.

Mac decided to ask a question, she was beginning to feel like she was being discussed like she wasn't there. "Is Doctor Ahrens still of the opinion that my tumor was of a rare type. Not the type of cancer we feared initially?"

"Yes" His expression still gave away nothing.

Harm asked. "You don't agree with him do you?" He wanted a direct answer.

"I will restate what I said before. I will monitor your wife as I would any patient I treated for ovarian cancer. I will follow her progress and the research along with Dr Ahrens. Either way your wife is assured the maximum amount of care we can give her."

He was good; Harm had to give him that. He would not disagree with his colleague in the presence of a patient. Harm had a feeling though that he did disagree, he could not explain it, it was just a feeling he had.

"I'm doing well so far, isn't that right Captain?" Mac could feel the fear rising up in Harm. She wanted him redirected immediately. She was fine, their baby was fine and that was that.

"Yes Colonel, you are progressing well, but you have to understand that the extreme hormonal shifts that happen in preparation for delivery and also the shifts thereafter, will need be closely monitored. We have to assure that the tumor doesn't return during these times."

"What about her pain?" Harm didn't like the fact that Captain Morrison had shown concern about it and that Mac had never mentioned it.

"That is a concern. I think she may need to modify her exercise schedule again. She may do light floor exercises but any vigorous exercise is out of the question."

Mac felt left out of the conversation again. "What about swimming?" She had to have some kind of cardio or she would be as big as a house.

Captain Fletcher answered her. "Within reason Colonel. I would also like to start seeing you every two weeks and if you have a prolonged reoccurrence of pain, I want to see you immediately"

"Understood."

Harm stood as Captains Fletcher and Morrison started to leave the room. "Sir, Ma'am"

Harm considered Captain Fletcher's promotion. Harm didn't think that he wouldn't even look into whether or not he had made captain, he didn't expect it. With all that had happened in the last two years, he felt he was lucky to still have a career in the Navy at all.

Mac started to wipe the ultrasound gel from her stomach with a towel and Harm came over and took over the task. He touched lightly on her incision site. "Does this hurt?' He looked worried and Mac thought, a little afraid for her.

"Honey, its fine." She tried to give him a reassuring smile. It was. She hadn't had pain like that in a week or so. She placed her hand over his. "Don't worry."

"Why didn't you tell me about this?" His brow furrowed with concern.

"Because I didn't want you to overreact. You had enough on your mind with Mattie and trying to keep up at JAG. You heard Captain Morrison, they are going to watch me closely, and scar tissue is normal after surgery, Harm."

Harm nodded and remained quiet. He was glad he had come with her, he needed this reality check. Mac was doing well, but they both needed to be reminded that the possibility of a reoccurrence was out there. Their lives had been so busy and full of so many things that it had been easy to put the worry of this on the back burner. Mac wouldn't be out of the woods completely for a long time.

Mac dressed quickly and as she started to open the door the ultra sound tech came in carrying a manila envelope. "Excuse me ma'am, I didn't think you would want to leave without this."

Mac took the envelope. She opened it and pulled the picture out facing up. It was their daughter looking right at them and suddenly the fear they both felt fled and joy replaced it. They would be alright. They had to be.

Chapter 73/75

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Any episode through Season Ten. Any spoiler floating around out there may also be loosely referred to. The events surrounding 'Fair Winds and Following Seas' will be referred to but as usual they will be in different order and affect different people.

1135

Sunday

May 22nd

Interstate 76 West

Somewhere in Pennsylvania

Harm and Mrs. Rabb drove toward the farm in companionable silence. Mattie had dropped off to sleep an hour before. Harm had tried to make the back seat as comfortable as he could for her. Her leg was propped with pillows as well as the rest of her body, trying to prevent any jarring of her ribs.

They had not spoken about much of anything besides Mattie since this whole ordeal had begun. There was something that Mrs. Rabb had been concerned about for some time. She had been aware of the strain on Harm and Sturgis's friend ship as a result of the incident that had happened during his last deployment. She and Mac had discussed it in general terms, but they had both been so focused on Mattie that they hadn't talked about it again.

"Harmon, do you mind if I ask you about something?" She looked straight ahead, seeming to be watching the road along with him.

"Sure Grandma, anything." He took his eyes off of the road for just a moment.

"I haven't even had time to ask about how things are for you at JAG since you returned from your last deployment."

Harm knew where she was going with this. "It's been all right." He looked at her, knowing she meant to ask about how he and Sturgis were getting along.

"We're fine with each other, Grandma." They were being the professionals they were, but they did not act like friends, not anymore.

Mrs. Rabb studied her grandson, knowing the whole situation still troubled him a great deal. His expression was still guarded; he still didn't want to talk about it.

She had always had a soft place in her heart for Sturgis. When she first met him he had impressed her right away. He was such a nice young man, even more serious than Harmon, if that was possible. She understood why Harm felt betrayed; she couldn't say she fully understood why Sturgis hadn't at least given Harm the benefit of the doubt. Now that Harm had been able to clear himself, she hated to see them end their friendship badly.

She remembered a conversation she'd had with Sturgis's father when he and Sturgis had come to stay at her home for Harm and Mac's wedding, Christmas Eve. He had shared his concern for his son with her; she understood that this past year had been a difficult one for Sturgis. Over the years she and Chaplain Turner had become friends and she had appreciated his confidences. Between the two of them they had been able to keep close tabs on both young men as they came up through the Academy and their careers.

"Grandma?" Harm noticed the faraway look in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Harmon, I just got lost in thought. I'm still thinking about you and Sturgis." She reached over and patted his arm. "I think I understand how you feel, son, and I think it speaks well of both of you that you can put that terrible incident behind you and perform your duties as professionals. I just hope you can salvage something of your friendship. It would be a shame if you couldn't, after all these years."

"We'll be fine." He tried to reassure her and decided it was time to change the subject.

They talked about Mattie and her scheduled PT evaluation tomorrow. Mrs. Rabb had been able to help arrange home PT and OT for her. She knew Mattie had a long way to go before she was independent and that the first week would probably be the most difficult. She was excited, though, for Mattie's sake; she had seen a lot of progress in the past week, all she needed now was the time to heal… and a good therapist.

0830

Monday

May 23rd

JAG headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm sat at the conference table with the rest of the staff, waiting for General Creswell.

The door of the conference room swung open.

"Attention on deck." Harm brought them to attention.

"At ease and be seated." The general did not sit down at his place at the head of the conference table. He appeared more excited and animated than he had ever been in their presence.

"We will table our regular order of business. The SecNav is standing up a new unit, the Joint Legal Services Center. It will be comprised of Navy and Marine lawyers in the field under one command." He turned toward Sturgis.

"Commander Turner, you have been selected for command of that unit. Joint Legal Services Southwest." He handed him his orders. "You will be headquartered in San Diego."

Harm looked at him, genuinely glad for him but with the old feeling of being passed over still niggling in the back of his mind. He knew that topping out at commander was the best he could hope for given all that had happened in the past two years. He assumed he would finish up his career here at JAG HQ and that would be the end of it.

"Thank you, sir." Sturgis was stunned. Harm thought it was kind of funny to see him speechless. I guess 'by the book' pays after all, he thought.

Sturgis and Harm looked at each other. There wasn't a smile exchanged, but the look held no animosity. Their expressions were almost those of interested observers.

"Congratulations, Sturgis." Harm gave a nod in his direction.

"Thank you."

"Congratulations are also in order for you, Commander."

"Sir?" 'Now what?' he thought.

"Your new duty station will be in London, Force Judge Advocate, Naval Forces Europe." The general handed Harm the folder holding his transfer orders. "I hope you like Yorkshire pudding."

"This is a captain's billet, sir." Harm looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"It is indeed, Commander. The O-6 board just reported out—frocking has been authorized. Congratulations, Captain Rabb."

"Thank you, sir." Harm's mind was reeling; he'd never expected to be promoted. He had made no plans to ever leave the area. He had strongly considered retiring at 20 this summer and beginning a new life with Mac, Mattie and their new baby.

"That will be all." The general dismissed the rest of the staff.

Bud looked at Harm and smiled at him warmly. "Congratulations, sir."

"Thanks Bud." Harm still couldn't believe it.

The general looked at Harm and Sturgis. "You are authorized to choose your staff; no one is off limits."

Both officers said, "Thank you, sir."

The general left the room. Harm and Sturgis eyed each other for a moment and then Sturgis decided to break the ice.

"Congratulations, Captain." He seemed sincere.

"Thanks, Sturgis – I almost believe you meant that."

"I do, Harm. I wish you well, I really do." Sturgis knew they were different people than the two young men who became friends at the Academy. Whatever happened in the future, he did not want to leave their friendship at a bitter end.

Harm extended his hand to shake his. As they shook hands, he said, "This is unbelievable; you were as qualified as I was."

"Not according to the promotion board." Sturgis grinned sheepishly.

"Your time will come," Harm assured him.

"No doubt about that. Now I just have to figure out how I'm going to get married next month and assume that new command."

This was the first real adjustment Varese would have to make as a military wife; hopefully she would understand and take it in her stride.

"That's right, and I've got a few things to take care of as well."

Mac, Mattie…What the hell was he going to do? Harm followed Sturgis out of the conference room to make a quick call to Mac, who was not due in court until 1000. How would she react to this? It seemed to him that ever since he had promised to always be there for her, he hadn't been able to be there at all.

"Good luck to you, Harm." Sturgis turned back to look at him, smiling.

"You too, Sturgis." Harm turned into his office and closed the door behind him.

1145

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm sat on the stone bench out on the grounds of JAG headquarters, waiting for Mac to meet him for lunch. His mind was still reeling from what he had learned this morning. He knew he should be happier about this than he was, but all he could think of was how this would affect Mac and Mattie. He had nearly talked himself out of the new billet and promotion. Too much was happening and they needed him.

Mac walked toward Harm. She could see that even from this distance that he was very troubled by something. She approached him, and he was so deep in thought that her touch on his arm startled him.

"Harm, what is it?"

Harm stood and helped his wife sit down on the bench. Mac searched his face for some hint of what could be on his mind.

"I got some news today that I never expected."

Mac waited for the rest of the story.

"It looks like I made captain after all." He looked at her from beneath his cover.

"Harm, that's wonderful." She reached to squeeze his arm and quickly placed her hand back in her lap. They were in public and both in uniform.

"You might not think so when I tell you the rest. I have been assigned to Naval Forces Europe as Force Judge Advocate."

Now it was Mac's turn to be stunned. She looked at him, trying to take it all in "When do you have to report?"

"I have one week; that includes travel time." He looked at her, trying to gauge her reaction. "Mac, if you think this is a bad idea or that it will be a problem for us, just tell me."

"Are you kidding?" Mac was incredulous; yes, she was surprised, shocked even, but she hadn't even considered that she wouldn't want him to take it.

"What about you and what am I going to do about Mattie?"

"Wait a minute, I will be fine and don't you mean what are we going to do about Mattie?" She leaned in a bit closer as she brought her voice down.

"I took on that responsibility, Mac." He looked away from her, not wanting to see her reaction just now. This was going to be a problem. He was already beginning to feel that it wasn't worth it to take the promotion and turn both their lives upside down.

"Excuse me? Don't you think that since we are married that she is as much my responsibility now as she is yours?"

"You don't have to take that on; you have enough to deal with." He meant to make this as easy for her as he could. He wanted to see her happy – he wanted everything for her. "Mac, I'm not spending the next three years away from you and our baby."

Mac was beginning to get irritated. "Now listen to me: the last time I checked my name was Sarah Rabb and that makes everything that is yours, mine, including all your responsibilities."

"Mac, I just don't want to put too much on you." He still remembered the feelings Mac's last doctor's appointment brought to the surface. His fear of losing her was still strong.

"I think I can handle it." She placed her hand over his for a moment. "I think it's your turn to trust me."

He looked at her, remembering their conversation last fall, when he had asked her if she trusted him and she had. It was the beginning of the road that had brought them together, the one that made them a committed couple. He looked at her, trying to push away the guilt he was already starting to feel.

Mac seemed to read his mind and began her argument. "Harm, we have three months 'till the baby is due. I can manage myself and Mattie. I don't think I could stand it if I thought you turned this down on my account. Your grandmother and I will get Mattie up to speed by the time the baby comes. Maybe you could get some leave time around the time she's due. There has to be a way to work this out."

"What about you, Mac? I don't want to leave you again, not now." He made small circles on the back of her hand with his thumb.

"You know as well as I do that our jobs don't always allow us to do what is convenient. I've been thinking for a long time about what I want to do once the baby comes – this just brings the discussion and the decisions to the forefront."

Harm gave her that soft look that belonged only to her. "You're amazing." In the midst of what seemed to be their lives turning upside down, she was calm and matter of fact. This was the Mac he knew and loved, the one who could come up with a dispassionate plan in an impossible situation.

A slow smile spread across her face as she decided to agree with him. "Yes…I am. Now, it looks like we have a lot to arrange. Let's grab some lunch and then maybe by this evening we can formulate a plan that works for all of us."

She smiled at him, releasing his hand and carefully coming up to her feet. Her stomach chose that particular moment to growl audibly.

"Hey, was that you?" Harm turned to look at her quickly.

"Yes, if you must know. Now move your ass, Sailor, I'm hungry." She touched the top of her stomach lightly and laughed with him in spite of herself.

At that same moment...

Bud stood in his office, looking out the window watching his mentors and two of his oldest friends. Turning down the commander's officer of a position with him at Naval Forces Europe had been one of the hardest decisions he had ever made. He would have loved to have gone to Europe, and he valued his friendship with both the commander and the colonel. He knew though, that this was not what was best for his family. He didn't really think it would be best for him in the long run.

During the last couple of years he had begun to feel more confident in his own right as an attorney and officer. He would never forget what both Harm and Mac had done for him, and he didn't intend to leave their friendship behind. He just knew that he was carving out his own niche here at JAG. He got on well with the general and felt he could advance his career very well from Headquarters JAG. He hoped the commander understood.

When he saw them both stand up and walk toward the building, they appeared to be laughing. They both seemed to be very happy, in spite of everything. They would be all right, and they could always count on him to be there for them if they needed him. A knock on his door pulled him from his reverie.

"Commander Roberts, you have a call on line four." Petty Officer Coates stood in the doorway.

"Thank you, Petty Officer." He smiled at her and reached for the phone. "That will be all."

"Yes sir." Jen turned and walked toward her desk.

"Commander Roberts," Bud said in his most commanding voice.

"Bud?" Master Chief Bud Roberts was making his weekly call. He and Bud had begun to try in earnest to mend their relationship. They had agreed to speak once a week as their schedules allowed. The conversations weren't always long and had been difficult in the beginning. But both men felt they had a vested interest in making this first step work, and so far it had.

"Dad?" Bud walked around his desk and closed the door to his office. "How are things in Georgia?" Big Bud had decided to go back into the Navy after all. It proved to be making him happier and was fulfilling more purpose in his life than he ever thought it would. Bud's mother would have gotten a kick out of that.

"Oh well… you know how it is, son. Same shit, different day." Bud had learned his father's code for contentment. Counseling had gone a long way in helping him mend this relationship. Though his father could have used the counseling too, Bud decided they would take one step at a time. It seemed to be working so far.

"Oh, I'm sure you've got it under control, Dad," Bud said laughingly, moving smoothly to the next subject, Big Bud's grandchildren.

1530

Faith Coleman's office

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Faith sat behind her desk, listening to her friend and colleague ask her opinion of his taking Captain Rabb's offer to join him at Naval Forces Europe in London. She hadn't even considered that when she heard the general's announcement this morning that this would mean Michael's transfer too. Her defenses went up immediately. He would be a fool not to take this opportunity, but she did not want to lose the closeness she had come to rely on with him. He had become her dearest friend and so much more to her than he knew.

"It's an excellent opportunity, Michael." She tried to keep any emotion at all from her voice, fearing that if she gave one inch in this that she would beg him not to take the position and make a fool of herself.

"I know it is, Faith, but I want to know how you feel about it." He could literally see her shutting herself off from him.

"If I were offered the position, Michael, I would take it." She looked down at the file she had opened on her desk, not reading it at all.

He looked up at her quickly, surprised by her answer. They weren't officially a couple, but there was an unspoken understanding between them. It was something stronger than he had ever had with any woman. She could read him like no one else and he believed he knew her better than anyone as well. He sat back, watching her, considering her answer.

"Okay." He continued to look at her, waiting for the real Faith to make her appearance. The one he knew was hiding behind that wall.

"Look, I'm sorry, but I have to get going with this case." She picked up a file folder. "The SecNav wants to expedite an NCIS investigation of a recipient to the Silver Star. He is implicated in a murder that happened prior to his deployment. I want to speak with the lead investigator before the end of the day…so if you'll excuse me."

Her voice began to take on that detached and mechanical quality that she used when he first met her.

'Go, Michael,' she thought, 'get out of here before I lose my composure completely.'

Michael felt as though he had the wind knocked out of him. She acted as if they were no more than acquaintances, just colleagues who shared cases. He stood and continued to study her face, and she remained guarded, revealing nothing. He turned and walked out of her office. Faith stood, picked up her briefcase and cover then quickly left the bullpen. She got into the elevator and turned. She was facing forward and refused to look toward JAG ops. She knew Michael was watching; she didn't trust herself to look his way.

In less than three minutes she was in her car and backing out of her parking place. Tears were flowing down her face unchecked. She could keep a tight rein on her expression but the tears could not be held back any longer. At least she was alone, she thought. She did not know that Petty Officer Coates had seen her get into her car and was close enough to see her reaction to Michael's possible transfer to London. She had hand carried some documents to the Pentagon for the general and was returning when she saw Commander Coleman leaving; she hadn't even seen her as she passed her in the parking lot.

1730

Monday

May 23rd

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Mattie sat on the couch with her left leg propped with pillows, exhausted. This had been harder than she thought it was going to be. She figured that having PT at home would be easier, but it hadn't been. Her physical therapist and Mrs. Rabb and thought up all kinds of little challenges for Mattie to work on during her PT treatment. Mattie shuddered to think about how her Occupational Therapy would go. Mrs. Rabb knew this therapist well too, so who knew what they had cooked up for her tomorrow.

It had been an adjustment just having to navigate in a home environment instead of the hospital. She had been feeling pretty good about how well she had been walking until she arrived here yesterday and tried to walk on uneven pavement or gravel, which was a joke. It was a far cry from the nice flat, shiny hallways in the hospital.

Mrs. Rabb called to her, pulling her from her thoughts.

"Are you okay, honey?" Mattie had been pretty quiet for the last couple of hours.

"Yeah, I'm just tired. I didn't know you could be such a slave driver." She gave Mrs. Rabb a mischievous grin.

"It will get easier, Mattie." She came to stand beside her and pushed her hair back from her forehead. "Are you having a lot of pain?"

"No, it's not too bad."

Mattie couldn't believe how many things had happened today. She'd had her evaluation that morning. Harm had called that afternoon and told her about his new orders to London. She and Mrs. Rabb had repeated her exercises for the afternoon. She still had trouble grasping how quickly things were moving. She didn't really know how she felt about all this. One month ago she was with her Dad, taking flying lessons, very close to getting her pilot's license – and now she was contemplating living half a world away from everyone she had ever known besides Harm. She knew she could trust Harm and she could count on both him and Mac to be there for her. It was just a lot to digest.

"Mattie?"

"I'm just thinking... things are happening so fast." Mattie felt a rush of emotion from seemingly nowhere. Tears stung her nose and eyes.

"I know, honey, but remember, you have time and you have a lot of people who want to help you get through this. It's going to be all right."

She picked up a pillow from the end of the couch and elevated Mattie's leg, helping settle her more comfortably on the couch.

"Just rest for a moment and I'll see what I can scare up for supper."

1814

Same day

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm placed a cardboard box of some of his personal effects from his office into the back seat of his Lexus. He turned to look up at the building that was Headquarters JAG. He had spent a decade of his life here. He could easily say that his experience here had changed his life, in more ways than one. It was painful to think that he would not be a part of this place in one week's time, yet he had felt himself pulling away for sometime now. It was as though he could literally feel his life changing, taking a turn into the unknown. He knew it was time for him to move on – that was part of military life – but another part of him had this unreasoning desire to remain a part of what was so familiar to him.

Since he returned from his 'tenure' with the Company and especially since General Creswell had come aboard, JAG had felt less and less like home. The general was a good CO, but the camaraderie was not there. He and AJ had had their moments but they had connected on another level. He knew he could call on him at any time and he would be there for him or Mac. In fact, Harm was counting on being able to do just that where Mac was concerned. AJ knew how to check up on Mac without making her feel that she was being hovered over. The admiral had always managed her better than he ever could. He smiled at the thought.

"Penny for your thoughts, Sailor." Mac walked toward him across the parking lot.

"I was just looking back for a moment." He gave her a sheepish grin; there was no way he would share what he had just been thinking.

She smiled sympathetically and touched his arm lightly.

"Are you ready?"

"Yeah, let's go home. We have a lot to talk about." Harm opened the door on the passenger side of the vehicle and helped Mac ease into the seat. He helped her adjust the seat belt and leaned in a stole a quick kiss.

2000

Gunny's apartment

Alexandria, Virginia

Gunny sat on his sofa, flipping the remote to his television. He wasn't even paying any attention to what was on. His mind was a million miles away. He was remembering the conversation he had overheard earlier that day. He had heard Commander Turner ask Jen if she wanted to accompany him and Lieutenant Vukovic to San Diego.

He hadn't been asked by Captain Rabb or Commander Turner. He was relieved, because though he admired both officers, he really did like being at Headquarters. He liked General Creswell's command style; he understood it and felt comfortable with it. Jen hadn't seen him pass by and he hadn't heard her answer.

He wanted her to stay where he was, but what right did he have to ask her to stay, since he had made no commitment. He hadn't been able to tell her he loved her. Now, if he told her, it would seem as if he was only saying it to keep her from doing what she wanted to do.

He got up from the couch and started to slowly pace the room, still deep in thought. He didn't really know how she felt about anything. She hadn't said those three little words to him either. He was making all kinds of assumptions that he didn't have the right to make. Maybe it was better that he hadn't told her how he felt; maybe he should just let her go now. That way she wouldn't feel obligated to him. He still didn't know what she saw in him. She'd probably be relieved if he just gave her an out. They could always be friends, get together when one or the other of them was in town. The more he thought about it the more the thought was physically painful to him. He was in love with her; this wasn't a relationship of convenience.

They had made plans for a late dinner there tonight. Jen was needed at JAG Ops later than usual that night. There was a lot to arrange; it was as though JAG was being split in half. The doorbell pulled him from his reverie. He got up to answer it, and then checked his security lens, and it was Jen.

He opened the door, and the moment he saw her and she launched herself into his arms, he knew that there was no way he could break this off with her. If it happened, she would have to do it. He loved the very sight of her.

"Hello." She leaned back and smiled at him. She gave him a smacking kiss and bounced out of his arms.

"What's for dinner?" She began to look around the kitchen, seeing nothing on the stove or counter.

"Oh...I...forgot."

He had been so preoccupied with what Jen might decide to do that he hadn't even ordered anything. He straightened his back and dug his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. He looked away from her, trying to decide how to begin. 'By the way, Jen, I was eavesdropping on your conversation with Commander Turner and…' That would go over just great, he thought wryly.

She turned to look at him resting her hand on her hip. "What's on your mind, Marine?"

She grinned at him, but she knew something was wrong – he had been acting peculiar since this afternoon. He had been avoiding her gaze and then he slipped out of the office without even saying goodbye.

Gunny turned away from her and went into his kitchen. "What do you want for dinner?"

"Pizza is okay – why don't I order it? You still haven't answered my question, Victor."

She wasn't going to let this go. She was learning that most of the time Victor needed a nudge to open up and talk to her. Something was really wrong and he was going to tell her what it was before the night was over.

"I know." He walked out of the kitchen and stood in front of her. He folded his arms across his chest and kept his gaze on the floor. He didn't want to look in her eyes, not yet. They were lethal as far as he was concerned. He had gotten through his 38 years without making a fool of himself over a woman and he wasn't going to start now. He had to know, though. He had to know if she felt the way he did. It was only three little words, so what was the big deal? He was a Marine, after all. First he had to ask the question…and he would… in a minute.

"Pretty surprising this morning at staff call, wasn't it?" He looked up, now assessing her reaction.

"Yes, it's unbelievable. I'm happy for the captain, though. I'll miss him and the colonel, but they've been at JAG for a long time."

"He and Commander Turner are choosing staff from JAG Ops." Gunny's gaze was still steady on her.

"Are you leaving, Victor?" She hadn't even considered that he might go.

It gave him a secret thrill that she seemed genuinely concerned that he might leave.

"No, I'm glad that I didn't have to decide. It would have been tough, and besides, I like it at Headquarters."

This was about her, then, and she could not keep from smiling. She looked at him and saw for the first time the look in his eyes. He thought she was leaving. He couldn't ask her, but that was exactly what it was. She reached over and rested her hand on his folded arms.

"I'm not going, Victor." She kissed his cheek softly and looked into his eyes.

Gunny let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and reached out to pull her into his arms. "Jen." She could feel his heart hammering against his chest.

"Commander Turner asked me, but I don't really want to leave. I like it at Headquarters too. I like being near the Roberts and my namesake." She leaned back and looked at him. "And I love being near you." She kissed him quickly. "I love you, Victor."

Gunny barely let her finish the sentence before he took her mouth with a deep and soul-wrenching kiss. All he could think was 'Thank God' over and over again in his head. He broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers. Here goes nothing. "I love you too, Jen."

2230

Harm and Mac's apartment

North of Union Station

Harm lay on his side, looking at his wife. She sat up on propped pillows behind her back. Her hair was gathered up from her neck in a clasp and she was wrapped in the cream colored sheet, the perfect accent to her skin tone. The color of the sheets made her eyes and hair more striking in contrast as well. She looked beautiful, like a portrait to him. The warm yellow light illuminated her features perfectly. Despite all the teasing he had done lately, Mac made a lovely picture resting her hand lightly on her rounded stomach. Harm wanted to freeze this moment in time and keep it forever. He wanted to preserve it so that when ever he missed her he could take out the memory and relive the contentment he felt lying here with her, talking about their future.

Mac for her part was feeling better than she had in a long time. She almost felt as though she had a new mission now. She was going to do her job, take care of herself and the baby and manage Mattie's care with the help of Mrs. Rabb. She was going to be there for Harm and watch him step up into something she was so proud to see him achieve. She wanted as much for him as he did for her. Mac wanted to show a different strength, one she had learned over the course of the past year, and this was her opportunity to do it.

"What are you thinking about?" Mac looked down at Harm, questioning.

"I'm thinking about how beautiful you are and about how much I'm going to miss you."

Harm bent his elbow and rested his head on his hand.

"I'm going to miss you too." She reached over and rested her hand on his bicep. "I need to talk to you about what I'm thinking, okay?"

"Okay, you talk, I'll listen." He winked at her. "As long as I get an opportunity for rebuttal."

"I've been thinking for a long time about my options, what I want to do as far as my career was concerned once the baby arrives. I don't want to give up my career, but I am seriously considering reserving my commission for a year after the baby comes. I love being a Marine, it's as much a part of me as you are, but this baby is a gift neither of us ever expected. I want to be able to give it my full attention."

In truth, she had listened carefully when Captain Morrison repeated his concerns. She was going to do everything within her power to get this baby into the world healthy and whole. She was also going to do everything she could to live to raise her.

"I really want to make this baby my priority now. After the baby comes and Mattie is on her feet, then I can divide my attention to include my career. Now… I just don't think I want to."

Harm couldn't believe what he was hearing. He knew how much the baby meant to her, but as far as reserving her commission, he never in a million years thought she would do that. He reached for her hand where it rested on his arm and kissed it.

"It's never going to be uncomplicated…is it?" He rested her palm on his cheek.

She smiled at him indulgently. "Probably not."

TBC


	29. Chapter 29

Will You Always Be There?

Chapter 74

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG or NCIS characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or person living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Any episode through season 10 on JAG and 'Hometown Hero' on NCIS.

A/N: Many thanks to Aerogirl for her beta reading skills and to Cajonchik for her 'tech support'.

0630

Friday

May 27th

Rock Creek Park

Washington D.C.

Faith Coleman was finishing her run in very good time this morning when she noticed that someone was standing near her vehicle. She looked with more scrutiny and realized that it was Special Agent Gibbs from NCIS. Their communication this week had been strained at best. She understood and even admired his determination to leave no stone unturned where Petty Officer Dobbs was concerned, but right now he was doing a very good job of irritating her.

"Good morning." He smiled; it was an expression she hadn't seen on his face since she met him. There was also something more in his expression that she couldn't quite put her finger on.

Faith didn't like the idea that he knew she would be running this morning. She also wasn't happy about the fact that he was sitting on the bumper of her vehicle. She walked toward him and gestured for him to move out of the way. When she opened the back hatch of her SUV, Gibbs looked at her organized trunk with towels, brushes and everything she would need to get organized when she finished her run. She was about to ask him what the hell he was doing there when he handed her a cup of coffee. She took it, and as she took a drink, she saw a familiar vehicle across the park.

It was Michael; he had known she would be running this morning. He had been trying to catch up with her since Monday and she had taken every opportunity to avoid him. This case, among others, had kept her busy. She would be glad when this was resolved once and for all. She didn't like dealing with Gibbs and she certainly didn't like dealing with the SecNav.

Mike recognized Gibbs right away, and before he even took the keys out of the ignition, he reconsidered trying to talk to her now. It would be too awkward. He knew that her case entailed working with Special Agent Gibbs, but he was surprised to see him with her after her run. Mike and Faith had met there and had run together a couple of weekend mornings. Right now he didn't like the idea of this at all. What the hell was he doing there, anyway?

Faith seemed to recognize him just as he drove away. Good – somehow he was glad that she had seen him. He knew he had no right to say anything…but Gibbs? Surely she wasn't going to go out with him. He and Gibbs had gotten along well in the past, but right now he couldn't remember one thing about him that he liked... It was pretty damn presumptuous of him to show up like that anyway. As he turned he saw them both sit on the tailgate of her vehicle. It occurred to him then that there would be no more opportunities to be together like that for them in the everyday. No casual dinners or walks in Georgetown, no meeting to talk over a case. He was losing something that he never knew how much he valued: Faith's time and her friendship.

As he drove back toward JAG, he began to think about some way to hang on to their friendship even if he had to go to London. There had to be a way. They weren't ready for a commitment, but he didn't want to lose her, either.

2010

Friday

May 27th

McMurphy's Bar and Grille

Georgetown

Harm stood leaning against the bar with Mac securely tucked into his arms. In less than 24 hours he would be on his way to London. He still couldn't believe this was it. Bud and Harriet had joined them. He was disappointed that Bud had decided to stay at Headquarters JAG but he understood.

"I hope you understand, sir." Bud reached for Harriet's hand and she gave him a reassuring smile.

"I do, Bud." He looked across the bar as Mike McBurney walked toward him. "McBurney has decided to join me at Naval Forces Europe. You never know, Bud; we may be working together again someday."

Mike stepped up to the group feeling slightly uncomfortable in this informal setting. "Think you're up to the task, Mike?"

"Yes sir – I mean, Harm." Mike really didn't like using his first name. It just didn't seem right.

Bud laughed and said, "Don't worry about it; I still call him 'sir' too."

Just as Mike was beginning to relax a bit, all heads turned when Faith walked into the bar. 'Great,' Mike thought; she'd picked tonight to wear something soft, flirty and feminine. She wore a sleeveless dress in a warm shade of brown that wrapped at her waist and came to rest just above her knees, drawing his eyes to her beautiful legs. The color accentuated her hair and eyes and made her skin look satiny and touchable. Mike swallowed hard and tried not to stare.

She looked directly at Mike and he fell silent. She stepped up to the group and they exchanged pleasantries. When Mike and Faith spoke, the air was thick with tension. Faith turned toward Bud to discuss setting up possible plea agreement for five petty officers caught in a fencing scam. She decided keeping the conversation about work might drop the tension level. Computer equipment valued in the tens of thousands of dollars had been stolen. The petty officers were minor players in the scam and they had cooperated with NCIS in providing information about the main players. The mention of NCIS ensured that her plan to drop the tension level didn't work out quite as she thought.

Mike spoke up before he could stop himself. "You have a direct source now at NCIS?" He had said it more sharply than he had intended.

Faith looked quickly in his direction. "No, I don't."

Mike felt angry at her and at himself. Everyone there had to know his irritation had nothing to do with the case and everything to do with Faith.

"Excuse me." He felt embarrassed and exposed.

Across the bar at that same moment…

AJ Chegwidden and Tom Boone were watching the younger attorneys from their side of the room. AJ shook his head slightly.

"Kinda makes you feel like a dinosaur, doesn't it?"

Tom followed his gaze. "Nah, they can have it. Would you really want to go through all of the BS we went through in our thirties and forties?"

AJ gave it some thought and laughed. "Hell no." He picked up his beer for a toast. "Here's to us and those like us."

Both men said as they toasted, "Damn few left."

A booming voice coming from across the bar drew their attention. "Hey, I heard they were serving 25 cent beers tonight…is that true?" Jack Keeter walked into the bar toward his oldest friend, Harm.

"Keeter!" Harm greeted him.

Mac looked at both men with an amused grin. It seemed to her that a small part of each of them became 20 years old and full of themselves as soon as they saw each other. She could see the mischievous glint in both their eyes. They must have been a pair. She didn't envy any of their professors, or commanding officers for that matter.

"Congratulations, man, I heard about your promotion." Jack shook Harm's hand and planted a kiss on Mac's cheek just for good measure.

"Thank you and get your own girl." Harm feigned jealousy and pulled Mac slightly away from Jack.

"London… what the hell are you going to do in London?" Jack seemed incredulous; he had only yet begun to goad.

"Force Judge Advocate." Harm said it with not a little pride in his voice.

"Man… they must be getting hard up." Jack threw his head back and laughed. Mac decided that it was time for Harm to go out on the small dance floor with her. Jack made his way over to where Tom and AJ sat. He walked up behind them and clapped a hand on each of their shoulders.

"Well...If it isn't my fellow conspirators."

He was proud of what they had been able to do. They had been able to follow the pursuit of the terrorist Aziz Nasiri, who was responsible for the bombing that had killed Harm's mother. They had been able to do it without Harm knowing or involving himself in any way. Jack saw it as his good deed for the decade.

"Keeter," they both said at once.

Tom gave Jack a sidelong glance and took a folded page of newspaper from his pocket.

"Speaking of fellow conspirators. Did either of you see this in the Washington Globe this morning?" Tom began to read from a small single paragraph article. 'Former Secretary of the Navy Douglas Nelson has been appointed to assist the deputy secretary of state on European affairs…'

AJ took the paper from him. "Well, I'll be damned. I knew something had to be going on."

Tom spoke up. "Sheffield had better watch his back." He looked at his friends, waiting for their reaction.

Jack looked at the article over AJ's shoulder, not really reading it. He already knew about Nelson's appointment. He had been in touch with the former SecNav a couple of times since the Trafalgar Square matter was resolved. He thought Nelson was well placed for the time being.

"Sheffield has enough to worry about without taking on Nelson. Hell…He's got Rabb as Force Judge Advocate, Naval Forces Europe."

Harm overheard him and walked over to them. "Hey…just for that you're buying for the whole party."

"Ooooh. Big bar tab. Hey… speaking of small bar tabs…where's Sturgis?"

"He already shipped out Wednesday," Harm answered.

"Shipped out?" Jack didn't know anything about this.

"San Diego, Joint Legal Services Southwest." Harm hadn't said anything to anyone outside of close family, about the incident while he was completing his carrier quals. He was surprised that Jack didn't already know.

"No kidding. Man, I need to come around more often." Jack turned toward the bartender. "Joanna, my usual." She returned with his bourbon, neat.

"Where the hell have you been, anyway?" Harm leaned back on the bar.

Mac walked up to join the group who were listening to Harm and Jack spar in amusement.

"There she is, the woman I should have married. Sarah my love, dance with me." He gently but firmly guided her away from the group and pulled her into a loose embrace. He looked over Mac's shoulder at Harm. "Watch out, Harm, or I'll steal your girl."

This drew a laugh from the group as he waggled his eyebrows and guided her further away from them.

Another pointed question avoided, Harm thought to himself. Jack was determined to remain a mystery to them all. It didn't matter to Harm. He knew that if what he was doing was meant to be kept secret, it would be. Keeter was a man who honored his promises, his country and his friendships.

Mac laughed and rested her arm on Jack's shoulder. "Oh yeah, Keeter, I'm a prize all right. Can you even get your arms around me?"

"I can manage." He drew back and looked at her directly. "Harm is a lucky man, Mac."

Mac blushed profusely. "Thank you, Jack."

Faith excused herself from the other group, made up of Bud, Harriet, Gunny and Jen. She walked up to Mike, who sat on a barstool on the opposite side of the bar. Mike tossed back a drink and Faith touched his arm. He looked at her without speaking, waiting to hear what she had to say.

"I saw you this morning." She was trying to read his closed expression.

"Yeah, I saw you too." He looked forward again, not understanding why this was hurting him so much.

"Why didn't you come over?"

"You seemed otherwise occupied." He sounded like a jealous lover and he knew he had no right to feel that way.

"Michael, Gibbs just showed up this morning, and it was a bit unnerving, frankly. I didn't invite him. He wants more time to investigate a case before we proceed with the accused burial."

Mike waited, mulling the answer over in his mind. "I was hoping to talk to you. You've been avoiding me all week."

"I know."

"Why?" At least she would admit it, but it occurred to him that it didn't help at all.

"I've been really busy with this Dobbs case with NCIS and with trying to hammer out some type of plea agreement with Commander Roberts. I just got caught up in both situations." She had been avoiding him and she knew it. She just didn't know how to explain it.

"You've been avoiding me, Faith." He looked at her intently. "I know you, or at least I thought I did."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Faith hadn't expected him to react so intensely to this situation. She knew he saw her as a friend, but this side of him was different, especially tonight.

"It means you've been treating me like an acquaintance all week. I thought we were at least friends, Faith. I'm shipping out for London tomorrow morning, for Christ's sake."

The two strong drinks he had had in a matter of minutes made it easier to speak his mind and made his voice one octave too loud. Faith hadn't noticed, but Mike's new boss across the bar had.

Faith felt her face burn with shame; she looked down at her hands. She hadn't even considered that he would feel this way. She could only think of protecting herself, hiding what she felt from him, so that she could stand to let him go.

"I'm sorry." She looked over at him, searching his eyes, trying to salvage their friendship, even if it had to be long distance.

He turned on the bar stool and faced her. "Dance with me."

Faith complied silently, slipping from the bar stool and allowing him to take her hand. He pulled her into a loose embrace, but as the music played on he began to pull her closer. It was the song that had made Faith so uncomfortable so long ago. 'Broken.' He rested his cheek on her temple and closed his eyes. 'I wanted you to know, I love the way you laugh, I want to hold you high and steal your pain away…'

He hadn't held her close to him like this since the fiasco with Vukovic. She had stood by him through that terrible time without wavering. She felt so strong and feminine at the same time; her waist was slim but he could feel the well defined muscle where he rested his hand on her back.

When he had returned from Iraq, it had been clear that she was glad to see him and they'd had a great time together, but they'd kept their physical distance.

Now this felt so good, so right. She skimmed her hand up his back, slowly caressing him. For Faith's part it had been an almost involuntary response. He brought that out in her, an ease and comfort no one else had. She couldn't believe that he was actually leaving the country tomorrow.

Mike let his hand slip lower on her back and pulled her body even closer to his. He was getting lost in the feel of her body against his. He didn't want this dance to end. He breathed her name into her ear without having realized he had done it. She pulled back and looked at him, locking her eyes with his. "I…I have to go. I'll miss you, Michael."

"Do you have to?" Mike had begun to look at her lips, remembering the kiss they had shared just outside this building, long ago, when they thought they had all the time in the world. Though right now, it seemed too long a time to him.

"I do, I really think I should." She felt tears starting and she couldn't humiliate herself like this. She turned away quickly.

Harm and Mac stood with Gunny and Jen. Faith made her way over to them. She spoke to Harm.

"Excuse me, sir. I just want to say it was a pleasure working with you." She offered Harm her hand. "I'm going to make it an early night. Good luck, sir. Goodnight, everyone."

"That's Harm, and thank you, Faith." Harm shook her hand. "Goodnight."

She looked at the rest the group, addressing them with a nod. As she walked swiftly toward the door Mike began to follow her. This could not be all... this couldn't be the last thing they said to each other.

"You'll stay in touch, Faith?"

She stopped short and turned toward him. "Of course."

Then she quickly slipped out of the door, leaving Mike standing just a few feet away, looking at the door, as though he expected her to come back in at any moment.

Mac was still listening to the song. It seemed so sad and yet, for some reason she could not name, seemed to fit this situation. "That is a beautiful song. What is the name of it?"

"Broken." Gunny answered, proud of himself for remembering, He had heard it when he and the captain were in Iraq a few months ago.

Both Harm and Gunny named the group. "Seether"

Jen and Mac looked at them, puzzled. Jen decided to ask. "Where did you hear that?"

Harm feigned offense. "Hey…we're not that old." The protest got a laugh from the entire group.

Jen turned to look at the major, standing as if abandoned at the door of the tavern. It was time to interject a little information. She approached Mike.

"Excuse me, sir?"

Mike turned toward her. "Yes." The look in his eyes was distracted, as though he were only half listening.

"I know this is none of my business, but well…sir, the day you decided to go to London ...well, I saw the Commander Coleman leaving JAG Ops. She was crying, sir – she was very upset. I know you and she are just friends, but she doesn't really talk to anyone else here. I just thought – I don't know, I just thought you might want to know about it before you left."

Mike was beginning to take in what she had said. It had to have been when she left to follow up on the NCIS investigation. He had to talk to her; there had to be more to know about how she felt than she allowed him to see.

"Thank you, Coates."

"You're welcome, sir."

Jen smiled sweetly and turned toward Gunny. He winked at her and shook his head. He couldn't have stepped up to an officer and spoken to him about something that private if his life depended on it. She would never cease to amaze him.

Mike paid his bar tab and said goodnight to everyone. He decided it was time to have a talk with Faith. He and Harm had to catch their flight at 0900 in the morning. They had less than 12 hours.

0930

That same night

Faith Coleman's apartment

Alexandria, Virginia

Faith had only been home a few moments when she heard a knock at her door. She knew it had to be Michael. She checked her security lens and saw him standing there. She leaned back on the door for a moment. She didn't know if she could do this. It wasn't the old fears; she had banished those a long time ago. Rather, she didn't know if she could keep her emotions in check. How would she keep from telling him how much she hated to see him go? She steeled herself and answered the door.

"Michael?" He looked so handsome standing there. The sage green polo shirt he wore tucked into his jeans accentuated his eyes and fit his body in a way that revealed all the hard work he had put in in the weight room.

"Faith." He walked in without being asked. "I couldn't leave it like that. I don't want to go to London without telling you…without your knowing…I…" What was he going to say? He didn't know if they had a future, but she meant so much to him.

Faith's eyes widened. What was he going to say? "I know… this is difficult." She turned away from him and walked into her living room. "You're the first real friend I've had in a long time."

"We're more than friends, aren't we, Faith?" He didn't know how to define their relationship either.

"Yes, but I'm not really girlfriend material, am I? I still have a lot to work out. You're a great guy; you should be seeing someone …normal."

"Don't do that. If you don't want more than friendship, say so, but don't use your past to keep me away. Like you're doing me some kind of favor." She was pushing him away and it was making him almost angry. They didn't have time for this.

"I don't like feeling inadequate, Michael. Here you are, you're this incredible guy, accomplished, honorable, with a wonderful sense of humor and of himself. What could you possibly see in me – I feel like an emotional cripple sometimes."

"I never meant to make you feel that way." He was at a loss. He had done everything he could to make her comfortable around him since their true friendship had begun.

"You didn't do anything, it's me." She turned to look at him, her eyes pleading with him.

Mike studied her for a moment. It was as though she had thrown her whole life in reverse and she was nearly back where she started last Christmas.

"It's just an excuse, Faith, and you know it. What are you afraid of? What have I ever done that would make you not trust me and shut me out of your life? I think I deserve better than that."

"Yes, you do." She folded her arms across her chest and looked at him directly.

Silence reigned for a few moments.

Faith started to speak, but when Mike began to walk toward her she stopped. He was looking at her in a way he hadn't in a long time … not since last March in McMurphy's parking lot. He came to stop just inches from her, looking down into her eyes. He wasn't sure what should happen next. Mike didn't know how deep his feelings were for her; he just knew he wanted to touch her. He reached up and traced her cheek bone out into her jaw line.

"Michael." Faith breathed his name and he kissed her. Memories of his kisses had never left her. He seemed to be able to make her lose track of all thought. For a moment she lost everything but the feel of his lips on hers and the way he made her feel when he held her. She slipped her arms around his waist and pulled him closer to her, and Michael couldn't keep a sound of pure pleasure from escaping as he deepened their kiss. He didn't need to come up for air. He just wanted this kiss to go on forever.

They both began to respond to each other, the tension building until they were both lying on the couch. Neither Faith nor Mike would be able to say how they had gotten there. Faith was lying beneath him, feeling her control beginning to slip away. Mike could also feel himself losing his grip; this was not what he had planned tonight. He wanted to deepen their relationship, but this was moving so fast now, and he had to leave her in the morning. If he wanted her to believe in him then he wasn't going to have a hasty fling and then leave her alone in the morning. Not after all she had been through and not after all she had come to mean to him.

He began to slow down and draw his kisses out more slowly. He lifted his head and looked intently into her eyes.

"We had better slow down, Faith." He was still kissing her cheeks and her closed eyes. "I want to be with you, more than anything, but I can't do that and just leave you in the morning."

Faith didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Her body was screaming for him, but she knew she still had a lot to work out. She loved him, but she had no intention of telling him so just yet. She knew he was right; this was too soon for them. He was being so sweet and so kind that it made her love him all the more. She didn't think there was anyone in the world like him. Up until she had gotten to know him, she didn't think his type existed.

She looked at him, returning his light sweet kisses. "I know you're right, but I'm going to miss you so much, Michael."

She was killing him with her touch and her tone of voice. "I'm going to miss you too, but if I don't get off of this couch, I'm going to lose all my resolve."

She smiled shyly and they disentangled themselves from each other. Faith stood and walked into her kitchen. "Do you want some coffee?"

Mike thought the best thing would be to get out of there. She looked so beautiful in that dress and he could still feel her lips on his. "Why don't we go out?"

"You know I'd really like that. Let's go to Starbucks and take a walk on the Mall." Now she had the look in her eyes that he hadn't seen all week. This was the Faith he knew. Right now she was an open book to him, and he couldn't believe how relieved he was to see her this way.

"It's pretty late, Faith."

"I know, but I have my own Marine escort. I'll be fine." She smiled at him, and it warmed him all the way to his heart.

2300

Friday

May 27th

Lincoln Memorial

Washington D.C.

Mike and Faith had walked around the Mall and ended up on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. Mike sat on one of the large stone railings that led up the building, and Faith sat down, securely wrapped into the circle of his arms and body. It was a very intimate position to be in, but somehow it was not too familiar for them just now.

Faith turned toward him. "It's getting pretty late."

"Yeah, I know. Are you tired?" He looked into her eyes, hoping she would want to stay a bit longer. He didn't want to leave her until he had to.

"No, but you have to be out of here early tomorrow." She reached up to touch his cheek.

He kissed her, pulling her deeper into his arms. In the distance he heard the sound of footsteps on pavement. He broke the kiss and looked in the direction from which the sound came. He saw two familiar figures step into the lighted pathway in front of the Vietnam Memorial.

Faith turned to look. "It's Captain Rabb."

"Yeah. I wonder why he's here so late."

"His father was MIA, remember?" They had both had access to his military record when he had been tried for the murder of Lieutenant Singer two years ago.

"I do remember now. I haven't spoken to him about it. We get along all right, but we don't discuss a lot of personal matters."

Faith turned back to him and smiled. "If you don't count the ribbing you took about me."

He narrowed his eyes. "Yeah, if you don't count that."

They both turned back to look at the couple standing at a certain place on the Wall. They watched Harm reach up and touch what they knew had to be his father's name. Mac reached for the arm he had at his side and he turned toward her. Faith and Mike looked back at each other, feeling that they were intruding on a private moment, one that they respected him too much to witness.

Faith pulled him into a warm embrace. It felt so good to hold him. "What am I going to do without you?"

"You won't be without me completely. We have leave time and email and we can talk on the phone too." He looked over Faith's shoulder and watched the couple at the Wall walk away in the other direction. As Faith loosened her embrace, she looked in the direction he was and saw Harm and Mac walking away.

"I hope I have what they do someday."

"I do too."

"We're not there yet, are we?" She returned her attention to him. She seemed to be studying the buttons at the collar of his shirt.

"No, not yet." He kissed her cheek.

Faith looked down and nodded, suddenly feeling a loss.

Mike tipped her chin up and looked into her eyes. "But who is to say we won't be?"

0630

Saturday

May 28th

Harm and Mac's apartment

Harm sat down on the edge of the bed next to Mac. She had been lying there watching him gather the last of his things, missing him already.

"It's about that time."

"I still think I should drive you."

"Now, we talked about this. I want to say goodbye here. When I think of you, I want to remember you here, all warm and tousled waiting for me in our bed." He leaned down and kissed her. "You're beautiful, baby."

She pulled him down to her and kissed him again with as much passion as she could. She wanted him to remember her well.

Harm broke the kiss. "Hey, that's not fair." That kiss was an invitation if he had ever gotten one.

"I just want to make sure you remember me." She smiled at him mischievously.

"No problem there." He winked and got up from the bedside. He walked out to the door and looked back at her sitting up slightly wrapped in the sheet. She kissed the tips of her fingers and extended her hand toward him as he slipped out of the doorway.

A/N: The toast AJ and Tom gave each other is one I heard while watching the movie 'Gardens of Stone.' I'm not sure who the original author of the toast is, but I think it fits those two old salts. AJ Chegwidden and Thomas Boone.

Chapter 75a

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Anything up to and including season 10 of JAG.

A/N: NLSO BROFF: Naval Legal Services Branch Office.

A/N: Thanks to Fawe for her permission to use a legend she wrote of in her wonderful story 'Legend.'

1545

Friday

June 10th

NLSO BROFF

Central London

Harm walked down the hallway toward his office. He passed Major McBurney's office on the way and stopped at his open door.

"Major." He stood in the doorway

"Sir." Mike stood quickly.

"Stand easy. Great job with the Brown case."

A petty officer aboard the USS Puget Sound had gotten into trouble with the local authorities in Naples. During an event cosponsored by the local soccer team, Petty Officer Brown had offended some of the team members by not taking the game seriously enough. A few wisecracks had been over heard by the team's best player.

The result was an all-out brawl. The petty officer barely knew what hit him. The sailor was arrested after breaking the nose of the police chief's son during the scuffle. The passion for the sport in Europe made NFL football fans in the US pale in comparison.

McBurney had been able to get the petty officer back to his ship with fines and smooth the ruffled feathers of the locals with humble apologies all around. Another PR disaster averted; however, Petty Officer Brown would not be leaving the ship for the rest of his deployment.

"Thank you, sir." He was slightly distracted; Faith was in the process of sending him a text message on the new picture phone he had recently bought to stay in touch with her.

Harm stepped into his office and noticed that Mike had left his cell phone open. Harm recognized the model and commented,

"Hey, is that one of the picture cell phones? I'm considering getting one myself."

Harm walked further into Mike's office and stood next to his desk. He saw the text message: 'Where have you been, Michael?' Mike noticed that his CO was looking pretty closely at the phone and picked it up. The screen indicated that he had a picture message. Harm just looked at Mike, waiting for him to answer it.

"Uh, I have a message, sir." Having the captain look over his shoulder made him a bit uncomfortable.

Harm was curious. "Do you mind if I see how you retrieve the picture?"

Mike didn't know what he was sweating about: how bad could it be? It was Faith, after all. He slipped the keypad down and retrieved the picture, which made him laugh out loud despite himself. It was Faith all right, but she had picked that moment to make a very unprofessional face at him that involved crossed eyes and her tongue out.

Mike closed the phone quickly and looked at Harm. "Sir – the commander was..."

"—Really angry at you for not calling her. I think you'd better get to it, Major." Harm finished his sentence for him.

"Yes sir." Faith would be mortified if she knew the captain had seen her like that.

Grinning from ear to ear, Harm turned to walk to Mike's office door and left without a backward look.

Mike worried for a moment that the captain might have more to needle him and Faith about, but then he considered that it was highly unlikely that the captain would even see her. No need to worry.

Harm had been settling in well in his new command. He had been able to speak with Mac nearly every other day by phone or e mail. His predecessor had just gotten his first star and was transferring back to the States. He and Captain Glenn Butler had been able to work together well to make the transition almost seamless.

The rest of the staff that he had been able to bring over had blended well with staff already on board. Major McBurney had stepped into his own leadership role very well. He was proving to be an asset to him already. He had been involved in two major cases in as many weeks, both of them requiring flying out to Naples and Bahrain. Their satellite office in West Ruislip had faxed a list of new personnel coming aboard. The list included a familiar name. He would be reporting today.

'Unbelievable.' He had not seen Tiner since last fall at his mother's funeral, and had only spoken to him briefly. Mac had told him that his orders might bring him back to JAG Headquarters, but Harm had not expected to see him here. He was definitely going to be one that the major would have to 'take under his wing.' He smiled when he thought of Tiner's well-meaning but sometimes bungling ways. McBurney would have his hands full, all right.

"Captain Rabb?" Harm's yeoman buzzed his office.

"Yes, Petty Officer?"

"I have Lieutenant Tiner to see you, sir." That had a strange ring to it, almost as strange as Captain Rabb.

"Thank you, Petty Officer Wilson. Send him in." Harm had given orders that the lieutenant report to him as soon as he arrived.

"At ease. Are you getting settled in, Lieutenant?" Harm still sat behind his desk.

"Yes sir." He stood before him in summer whites with jg shoulder boards, with all the spit and polish of a new recruit. No more 'cracker jacks' for Jason Tiner.

"The work may not seem very challenging in the beginning – power of attorney, wills and small claims – but the case work will get more interesting as you gain experience. You will be working under the supervision of Major McBurney, although my door is always open to you as well."

"Thank you, sir." The captain was putting him at ease and at the same time reminding him of his duty. He would be a good CO and Tiner was anxious to get started.

Harm stood and walked around his desk. He extended his hand, signaling the end of the meeting. Tiner smiled and shook it. "Good to have you aboard, Lieutenant."

"It's great to be here, sir – and … If I may, sir, I wanted to say, I still have your cover."

Harm frowned and then he remembered: he had tossed him his cover and told him to keep it. 'Hope it brings you more luck than it did me.' That had been the day he'd thought he was out of the Navy forever and Tiner's career seemed to be just beginning.

Tiner looked at him with the open and earnest look that always seemed to be on his face. "If you would like, I can give it back, sir."

"That won't be necessary. It seems that life is better now for both of us, so who knows, maybe it did bring you good luck."

"Thank you, sir." Tiner was relieved; he hadn't really wanted to give it up. The then-Commander Rabb had been someone he wanted to emulate. The fact that he had given the cover to him had meant a great deal to him, even in that terrible time.

"That will be all, Lieutenant."

"Yes sir." Tiner came to attention and turned to leave the room.

Harm crossed his arms and leaned back on his desk as Tiner left the room. It seemed he would know now 'up close and personal' just how Tiner the officer would turn out.

1345

Monday

June 13th

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Mattie sat resting on the front porch. She sat on the bench, leaning forward slightly and stretching her left leg out a bit. It was starting to hurt again, but she had done well today, so it was worth it. She had been able to walk the length of the porch with Mrs. Rabb standing by. She hadn't lost her balance once.

"That was great, Mattie."

"Thank you – it was great, wasn't it?" Her smile was a welcome sight to Mrs. Rabb. She had had a difficult time the first few days after Harm left for London. She understood the reasoning behind their separation and looked forward to the day they would all be together, but the realities of the time in between began to sink in, leaving her feeling abandoned.

"Yes, dear, I think it was so good that you will just have to do it again after we do some stretching." Mrs. Rabb couldn't let that pass; besides Mattie needed to push herself now more than ever.

"I've been working for an hour, grandma." Mattie had begun calling her this out of the blue, and though Mrs. Rabb noticed, she never called attention to it. She just answered her as if she had always been her grandmother. It just seemed the natural order of things.

"You're young and on your first legs, Miss." Mrs. Rabb walked over to her and sat down. They did some stretches and strengthening exercises on her knee and her arm, and then after a short rest she decided it was time for Mattie to get on her feet again.

"Grandma? Do you think everything will be all right over there – in London, I mean."

"Of course, Mattie – why wouldn't it?"

"I don't know. I don't know anyone over there. I'll feel out of place."

"There are a lot of children whose parents are stationed in London who felt the same way when they first arrived. You'll be attending the American school, with other military dependents and children of foreign service people."

"Do you think people in London will hate me because I'm a military kid?"

"Oh, honey, no – what makes you think that? You're watching too much television."

Mattie shrugged, feeling a little embarrassed.

"People in London won't hate you – I tend to think that Brits see Americans as this wild cousin of theirs. They have a great affection for us, but they hope we don't show up when they have company."

Mattie laughed with Mrs Rabb.

"Stop borrowing trouble, Miss Mattie. It's time to get to work. Let's see how much progress we can make before Mac comes this weekend." She winked at her and guided her up into a standing position.

Oscar, Mrs. Rabb's Labrador retriever, lay at the side of the bench, keeping his watch over Mattie. He raised his head and thumped his tail as he did every time Mattie walked across the room. He had become her constant companion and protector. No one had been able to come near her but Mrs. Rabb. He had even been a bit wary of Mac when she visited.

Mac had come for a long weekend in the first weekend in June. It had been just what Mattie needed to feel a part of Harm and Mac's future. Mac had helped her realize that they were all just getting ready to be together again after the baby came and Mattie got more physically able to travel.

"Okay, Mattie, remember: back straight, eyes forward, no watching your feet. That's my job." Mrs. Rabb chuckled and gently touched her back, signaling her to begin.

1830

Thursday

June 16th

Trafalgar Square

London, England

Harm walked around the pillar on which a statue of Lord Nelson was erected. This was the place. The last place his mother ever had been in her life. The square was busy and full of people now. A number of red double-decker buses stood out in the busy traffic on the street. He had avoided coming here since he had arrived, but the longer he waited the more it weighed on his mind. It was time to put this to rest once and for all. Harm didn't want anything to have that much power over him anymore.

As he walked around he passed the Landseer Lions of Trafalgar Square standing their sentinel watch at the base of the statue. He remembered a legend his mother had told him about the Landseer Lions and Big Ben: if Big Ben chimed a thirteenth time, the legend said that the fearsome Landseer Lions would come to life. He smiled as he remembered the times they had read together, the way she had brought out his natural curiosity in reading.

She had been a good mother, and he missed her; there was still so much he wished he had told her.

Harm looked around the square, trying to reach her somehow, and then it occurred to him. She wasn't here; this place had nothing to do with what she was to him or his father. She was at home; to him she was at the place he felt closest to her now, at the farm in Pennsylvania. He believed too that she was with his father.

The person who had perpetrated the wrong that had been done here had met justice, and that was really all that mattered. It was over, and now he was going to do what he knew both his parents wanted him to: get on with his life and be happy. As hard as the last year had been, it had brought him more happiness than he'd ever thought he had a right to feel. His cell phone ring tone pulled him from his reverie.

"Rabb."

"Hello, Rabb, this is Mrs. Rabb."

"Hey." He smiled at the source of most of his happiness this past year.

"I've been thinking about you all morning." It always worried her when she got this way; not being able to get him off of her mind usually meant something was wrong.

"That's good to hear." It was great to hear her voice, especially now.

"What are you doing? You're not still at work, are you?" He had a tendency to overwork when he was on his own. It had been great for his career, but not so great for him, Mac had decided.

"No, I'm taking a walk."

"Where are you?" Mac wished so much that she were walking with him.

"Trafalgar Square."

"Oh – are you okay, Harm?" When Harm had gotten orders to London, Mac had worried that being that close to Trafalgar Square would be difficult.

"Yeah, better than I thought I would be." The thought occurred to him as he said it.

"Now –that's- good to hear." He sounded good. She could always tell when he was holding something back, even long distance. He wasn't this time; the tone of his voice was even and clear. Their cell phone connection was so good that she felt as though he were in the next room.

Harm looked over his shoulder, taking one last look as he walked out of the square and onto Northumberland Street. He didn't see any need to stay to exorcise any more demons, now that coming here held no power to hurt him.

"Now, tell me about your day." He was ready to focus on her now. Harm was feeling as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

1435

Saturday

June 25th

US Naval Academy Chapel

Annapolis, Maryland

Mac sat in the pew, about halfway back on the groom's side. Varese and Sturgis stood facing Chaplain Turner. She was so happy for her friend and was sorry that Harm had not been able to see this. Harm and Sturgis seemed to have mended their friendship, and the plan had been for Harm to stand up for Sturgis as his best man, but both of their orders had prevented that. Maybe it was just as well, given the strain on their relationship in the past few months. Sturgis's cousin, who had also graduated from the Academy four years before Sturgis, had taken his place.

There were many faces here she did not recognize: Varese's friends and family, some of Sturgis family. Then there were some that were very familiar to her. AJ and Marcella Chegwidden, Jennifer Coates and the Gunny had come. Mrs. Rabb and Mattie sat to her right. Mattie was walking with a cane now, though Mrs. Rabb stayed close by to make sure she managed without a loss of balance. The general and his family were present. The Robertses, with the exception of Big Bud, were in attendance. The only one missing was Harm. Mac closed her eyes and thought of him sitting next to her, wishing to feel his hand slipped discreetly into hers. She missed him so much; his presence was something tangible to her. He didn't have to speak; she felt him when he walked into the room. The baby thumped an agreement and Mac opened her eyes.

The male members of the wedding party were filing out to arch swords while the guests filed out of the chapel from the side entrance. A few moments later, Sturgis and Varese came through the arched swords and Captain Clayton Turner announced, "Presenting for the first time in public, Commander and Mrs. Sturgis Clayton Turner." The ceremony was completed by Varese's 'christening' tap on the six and "Go Navy."

One hour later…

Mac was being led out onto the dance floor by AJ Chegwidden at Sturgis and Varese's wedding reception. She felt like an elephant, but he insisted she come out and start enjoying this occasion. She had been enjoying herself – she just felt as though part of her was missing because Harm was so far away.

"Are you sure you're ready to deal with a very pregnant Sarah Mackenzie Rabb on the dance floor, sir?"

"I think I can handle it. I learned a lot from Marcella when she was expecting Francesca."

He had the scars to prove it. Some of them had lasted longer than ones he had from combat in Vietnam. He remembered one scar in particular on his head, one that had required stitches. He looked across the room to see Marcella dancing with Jack Keeter. He had shown up for the reception and had toasted the groom and charmed nearly everyone one the room. Marcella looked at him over Jack's shoulder and her gaze softened. He was so glad to have her back in his life, along with his daughter, whom he thought he would never have any real relationship with. Mac's comment pulled him from his thoughts.

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger, right, sir?"

"Something like that." He gave her a wry grin.

Mac felt a sharp pain on her left side and she flinched slightly.

AJ, perceptive as ever, picked up on it right away. "What is it, Mac?"

"Oh, it's nothing. I have a bit of pain from my surgery last fall." She laughed, trying to reassure him. "I'm getting bigger by the day. I'm bound to have some kind of pain occasionally." She looked up at him.

He looked down at her, giving her his critical and assessing look.

"Hmpf. Mac… I don't think you should be staying alone anymore. I know I'm overstepping here, but I think that given the events over the last year, you should be more cautious."

He was waiting to feel her stiffen in his arms, excuse herself and walk away. He knew she hated being coddled but he felt a certain responsibility toward her. He knew that Harm had not wanted to leave her alone and that she had insisted he go and take his assignment in London. It had been an unspoken understanding that AJ would look in on her often to be sure she wasn't taking on too much.

"I appreciate your concern and I'm considering taking medical leave before the baby comes."

"Really?" AJ was shocked; he raised his eyebrows and looked at her directly. "It may be wise, Mac."

"Harm and I talked about it before he left. I want to work as long as I can, but if I start having any real difficulty at all I will slow down. As for being alone, for the next couple of weeks Mattie and Mrs. Rabb are going to be here with me. Mattie is doing well enough and Sarah seems to feel that she needs to see some of the friends she made at school in Washington. Her friends in Blacksburg seem to be unable to handle her accident and her inability to keep up with them."

"That's a shame; I suppose she's learning early that times like that tell you who your friends really are."

Mac looked at him and smiled, understanding his double meaning. "That's true… that's very true." The music came to a stop and AJ led Mac back to her chair to sit the next couple of dances out.

0930

Wednesday

July 6th

Courtroom # One

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Mac sat at the bench listening to Commander Roberts finish his closing arguments. This case had been a very interesting one. A lieutenant commander stationed at NTC Dam Neck had been brought up on an Article 92 charge, failure to obey a lawful order. He had refused to require his students to recite the 'Sailors Creed' at the beginning of each class. A standing order had been handed down Navy-wide recently by the admiral in charge of the Navy's Training Command. Commander Roberts was prosecuting the case.

"In summation I would like to quote the inscription on the tombstone of Admiral Arleigh Burke, three-time CNO, recipient of the Medal of Freedom, Navy Cross and many other distinguished commendations, located on the grounds of the United States Naval Academy. 'Admiral Arleigh A. Burke, Sailor, United States Navy…"

Bud walked across the courtroom and faced the members. "Admiral Mike Boorda, CNO at the time of his passing, stated, 'Admiral Burke defined what it means to be a Naval Officer, relentless in combat, resourceful in command and revered by his crews. He was a Sailor's Sailor.'"

"The order requiring all naval personnel to recite the 'Sailors Creed' was not meant to demean anyone. It was a lawful order, meant to unite officers and enlisted and instill pride in the naval service as a whole. Lieutenant Commander Waxman disobeyed that order by not requiring his class to recite the 'Sailors Creed' as other instructors have."

Bud returned to his seat and Mac rapped the gavel. "This Court is in recess until the members' findings are published."

Commander Faith Coleman, who had been defending the case, looked up at Colonel Rabb. She noticed that the colonel grimaced in pain and then quickly recovered her unreadable and professional expression. Faith continued to watch her as she started to stand and then saw her place her hand on the left lower side of her abdomen. She sat back down again. Something was wrong. Faith looked across the courtroom at Bud. "Commander Roberts." She said it sharply and a little louder than she intended.

Bud turned toward her quickly, frowning a bit at her tone of voice. "Yes?"

She walked quickly over to him. "Commander, something seems to be wrong." She looked up toward Mac.

Bud looked at Mac and understood immediately. He looked at Faith and ordered, "Call an ambulance and notify the general now."

He walked quietly but swiftly toward Mac. "Ma'am, are you all right?" He spoke in a low voice, not wanting to attract too much attention.

Mac looked up at him, trying to remain calm but having difficulty due to the pain she felt making its way from her lower left side and spreading to the right. This was different; the pain nearly took her breath away, making it difficult to speak. She looked at Bud and spoke in a low voice, "Something is wrong, Bud."

Bud looked back at his second chair, Lieutenant Mayfield, who had followed him to the bench. "Get Admiral Morris. Tell him that the colonel is ill and is awaiting transport to Bethesda." He spoke calmly and firmly.

Faith was already on her way to the bullpen.

Petty Officer Coates saw Faith walk in and stood as she approached. There was no emotion apparent on her face, but something was up; Jen could feel it.

"Petty Officer, we need an ambulance at Courtroom One and I need to see the general now. We have an emergency involving Colonel Rabb."

Jen immediately buzzed his office. "I have Commander Coleman for you. It is an emergency, sir."

As she entered General Creswell's office, Faith looked over her shoulder at Jen. "Contact Admiral Chegwidden."

"Yes ma'am. I'll contact Mrs. Rabb and Mattie as well." Something must be terribly wrong if it were moving Commander Coleman to become this involved. The commander was still famous for keeping her distance from most of the staff at JAG.

Faith nodded and turned her attention to the general as she closed the door behind her. She came to attention.

"At ease." The general's brow knitted in curiosity.

"Sir, its Colonel Rabb. There appears to be a problem. Commander Roberts is with her, and he has instructed Lieutenant Mayfield to notify Admiral Morris that the colonel will be transported to Bethesda as soon as the ambulance arrives."

"Were you able to finish the case?"

"Yes sir – we had just finished closing arguments. We had just adjourned; however, the members are still out."

"Very well. You and Commander Roberts will need to be available when the members return."

He buzzed Jen's desk. "Clear my schedule this morning, Coates. I'll be accompanying the colonel to Bethesda. Has the colonel's family here been notified?"

"Yes sir, Mrs. Rabb and the Admiral Chegwidden are on their way to Bethesda as we speak. Sir, what about Captain Rabb?"

"I will take care of that matter from the hospital. We will not contact the captain until we have something to tell him."

"Yes sir."

Jen turned off the intercom and looked out the glass doors of the bullpen as she saw emergency medical personnel exit the elevator toward the courtrooms. Gunny looked in her direction and then out the doors as well. Their eyes locked and he knew. It was Colonel Rabb.

1010

Same day

En route to National Naval Medical Center

Mac lay on the gurney, listening to the sound of the siren and the medical personnel giving her vitals to the emergency room at Bethesda. She looked at the general sitting to her right. It had been kind of him to accompany her, though a bit awkward. She hadn't had the opportunity yet to know him as well as she had Admiral Chegwidden, but she had no doubt that he was a good man. The way he had handled her transition to the judiciary had been evidence of that.

The general looked at the corpsman attending Mac. "How many minutes out are we, Petty Officer?"

"About 10 minutes, sir."

"Very well." He looked down and noticed the colonel watching him.

"Hang in there, Colonel – we're almost there."

The pain Mac was having was still with her and she was fighting the panic she was beginning to feel rise up inside her. This baby just had to be all right. She knew in her heart there would not be another. This baby was their chance to be parents of a child that was their own.

Mac spoke in a low tone, as though volume would make it hurt more.

"I'm sorry about this, sir."

"Not at all, Colonel."

"This must be old news for you, sir." She remembered that the general was a father too.

"Not really. I didn't get to be with my wife when the children were born." He had been deployed, but his wife had borne it well, with her own special grace.

"It happens." Mac voice was still low and she tried to think of something else to say.

"Yes, it does, and you're going to be all right, Colonel."

General Creswell made the statement, making it sound as though it couldn't be any other way. He had given an order, after all.

"Mrs Rabb and Admiral Chegwidden will be waiting when we arrive at the hospital."

Mac nodded "Yes sir – thank you, sir." She tried to take a calming breath, pressing her lips together in a thin line as she exhaled. She closed her eyes and willed the ambulance to move faster.

1130

Labor deck

National Naval Medical Center

Bethesda, Maryland

Captains Morrison and Fletcher walked out of Mac's exam room and into the hallway. They looked down the hallway at the small group of people waiting to hear about her condition. Mac's scar tissue had become more of a problem than they expected. The tissue had spread across her abdomen, pressing against the growing baby, causing the radiating pain across Mac's lower abdomen.

This was an OB case, but because Captain Morrison was her oncologist and he had performed surgery, he was also continuing to monitor her. Both doctors agreed that the best course of action would be a C-section as soon as possible. They walked toward the assembled group of Mac's friends and family.

The general walked to meet them just a few paces outside the group. "I am General Creswell, the colonel's commanding officer. What is her status?"

"Is Captain Rabb not available, sir?"

"He is not; he is in London at present." He stood blocking their way to the rest of the group. He had to arrange a way to get Captain Rabb here as soon as possible; he had to get as many details as he could.

"The colonel's previous problem with her scar tissue has resurfaced and has worsened. We need to deliver this baby as soon as possible."

"Is the colonel aware of your recommendations?"

"She is and she has agreed."

"I will see that the captain is notified."

"Thank you, sir." The doctors started back toward Mac's room.

The general looked at AJ. "You'll keep me informed?"

"Certainly," he assured him.

"Thank you." He looked at Mrs Rabb and Mattie and nodded his goodbye.

AJ saw the doctors going into Mac's room. "Excuse me."

"Yes?" Captain Fletcher answered as both doctors turned toward him.

"May I speak with the colonel for a moment?"

"Are you a family member?"

"No."

From behind the curtain they heard Mac say, "I'd like to speak with him for a moment, Captain, if it would be all right."

The captain nodded her acquiescence, and AJ walked into the room and walked over to Mac's bedside.

Mac looked at AJ and tried to smile. She had been able to keep up her brave front so far, but the facade was beginning to crack. She wanted her husband.

AJ seemed to see through her practiced tough exterior. "It's going to be okay, Mac."

Mac nodded, but as she did tears began to fall from her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, there is nothing wrong with wanting your husband with you at a time like this."

"Were you there when Francesca was born?"

"Yes and I got called every kind of SOB. In Italian." AJ smirked at the thought; Marcella's labor had been a tough 17 hours.

Mac laughed through her tears and winced when she felt it tug at her left side. AJ took her hand, and she looked up at him and admitted what she never thought she would.

"I'm afraid…what if I lose her?"

AJ knew the gravity of what she had just said; she wouldn't have said this if she didn't feel this fear soul deep.

"Mac, that's not going to happen." AJ could not fathom it. Both Harm and Mac had lost so much in their lives. Whatever higher power there was could not allow them to lose any more.

Mac nodded, but the look in her eyes told him she didn't quite believe him.

"Listen to me, Mac. You are here with doctors who know you and how to handle this situation. The best technology in the world is right here. You and your baby are going to be fine. Do you hear me, Marine?" He closed his other hand over hers. "You just relax and let these people do their jobs and help you bring this baby into the world."

Mac nodded, unable to speak just now.

AJ winked at her and released her hand. "I'll see what I can do about getting your husband back to the States. All right?"

Though he was retired, he intended to have a conversation with General Creswell. Although he did not know him well, he knew that General Creswell was already working on getting the captain back here ASAP.

"Yeah," she whispered.

"Okay." He backed away from her and turned and walked toward the doorway. Mrs. Rabb stood just outside, peering in.

Mac looked at her. "Hi."

"Hello, I understand you asked the doctors if I could accompany you to deliver the baby."

"Is that all right?" She had not expected to need anyone, but then again, she had expected Harm to be with her.

"Of course, dear. I'd be honored." She walked up to Mac's bedside and pushed her hair back from her face. "It really is going to be all right, honey. I have this wonderful feeling that this is going to be one of the best days of our lives."

She would be witnessing the birth of her and David's great grandchild. She couldn't imagine a greater gift.

Mac took a deep breath and nodded her agreement. Mrs. Rabb was about hope; it was one of the things she loved most about her.

"Excuse me, ma'am, but we need to prepare Colonel Rabb for surgery. Captain Fletcher has requested that you report to the delivery deck ASAP. You will need to scrub and dress in time to be present at the delivery."

Mrs. Rabb looked at Mac and leaned down and kissed her cheek. "See you in a few moments." With that Mrs. Rabb left the room.

15 minutes later…

The doors to the delivery suites opened with a bang as the corpsmen rolled Mac into the suite. To her left, Mrs. Rabb approached her, dressed in turquoise scrubs and her hair covered in a white paper cap.

"I'm right here, honey."

Mac reached for her hand.

"Come on, Mac – let's go have a baby." Mrs Rabb's eyes were sparkling with delight.

TBC


	30. Chapter 30

Will You Always Be There?

Chapter 75b/Epilogue

Disclaimers: As previously stated.

Spoilers: Anything up to 'Fair Winds and Following Seas' in Season Ten.

1730

July 6 2005

London Time

Bond Street

Central London

Mike had almost reached the Bond Street entrance to the Tube when his cell phone rang.

"Michael?"

"Faith! Hey...it's great to hear from you." He hadn't expected to hear from her until the coming weekend.

"Listen, have you seen Captain Rabb?"

"Yeah, he left a bit early today. He didn't appear to be having a very good day...Why?"

"Everyone is trying to find him. Colonel Rabb is at Bethesda today. The general has been turning half of Naval Forces Europe upside down to try and locate him."

"What's going on? Where are you?" Mike stopped and stepped nearer to a building so that others could pass and he could better understand her. So far nothing was making much sense.

Faith was at Bethesda; she and Bud had secured early, with the general's permission. The members had returned quickly with a guilty verdict in Faith's Article 92 case. Admiral Morris had stepped in to preside in Colonel Rabb's place. Since she and Commander Roberts were the resourceful people they were, they had convinced the general they could help locate the captain. They also promised to double their efforts on their case work in the morning if allowed to go to Bethesda this afternoon.

"I'm at Bethesda – the colonel delivered their baby today, and Commander Roberts and I had an idea about how to help the captain get a look at his new baby right away."

Mike caught on right away and liked the idea. "Our picture phones?"

"Very good, Mister Marine – now all we have to do is find him."

"I'm on it, Lady Sailor. I'll call you back as soon as I find him." With that Mike ended the call, satisfied that he got the last word in… this time.

1955

London time

Wednesday

July 6th

NLSO BROFF

London, England

Harm walked up the steps to the office. He had been walking around central London for the last two hours. He hadn't wanted to go back to his lonely apartment tonight. He felt on edge tonight for some reason. Everything had irritated him today; he thought it best to be on his own tonight.

He'd had a couple of pints with McBurney last night and that had helped pass the time. Giving Mike a little good natured needling about Faith Coleman had become one of his favorite things to do, but he was in no mood for that tonight. He looked at his watch. Mac would probably still be in court; there was no use in trying to reach her now.

He walked into his darkened office, flipping on the light over his desk and dropping into his chair.

Outside on North Audley…

Mike was beginning to think he was never going to find him. He had been to Harm's apartment, around Trafalgar Square, Piccadilly Circus… it seemed to him he had looked everywhere and he was beginning to get worried. He looked toward the office and noticed a light on; as he drew nearer to it he realized that it was Captain Rabb's office. He pushed the button to dial Faith's number and got through right away.

"I found him – he's back at the NLSO. I'm going into the building now."

"Okay, I've got a text message and then a few pictures. Can you manage that?"

"Yes, I think so…what kind of question is that?" he demanded, slightly irritated that she might think he didn't know how to use his picture phone.

"Okay, Michael, I'm joking. Honestly!" She chuckled at him, surprised at his sensitivity.

"All right, all right… I'm on our floor. Let me make sure that it's the captain."

Faith might not be laughing if she knew Captain Rabb had seen the lovely picture she sent last month.

He knocked on Harm's office door. "Captain Rabb? Sir? Are you there?"

Harm stood and answered. "Yes. McBurney? What are you doing here?"

"Sir?" Mike couldn't keep the smile from his face. "I have a message for you from your wife."

Harm frowned. Why hadn't she called him herself – and why would she call McBurney? He reached into his pocket to check his cell phone. He had turned it off and forgotten to turn it back on when he left the office.

Mike handed the phone to him and Harm looked at the message. It read:

Jacqueline Patricia Rabb.

Four pounds Eight ounces.

Seventeen inches long.

Born at 1246, July 6 2005.

Mother and Baby are doing fine.

Harm blinked. He couldn't believe she was here – their baby was here. He looked at Mike, speechless. "How?"

"Commander Coleman is at Bethesda with her picture phone. We thought it might be nice if you saw your daughter right away."

Harm looked back down at the picture phone, which was still showing the text.

Mike pointed to the place on the keypad to retrieve the pictures that had been sent. "Sir, if you will push this button."

Harm pushed it, and was rewarded with a picture of a very tiny Jacqueline Rabb being lifted up slightly from her warming bed, so that her face could be seen in the picture.

Mike suddenly felt like an intruder and thought it might be time to step outside and give the captain some privacy. "Sir, there are more pictures; just push the button. I'll be just outside."

Harm nodded, but his eyes never left the picture on the small screen. He reached for the back of the chair nearest him and felt his way to the front of it to sit down. He pushed the button Mike had shown him, and saw a picture of Mac in her hospital bed and surrounded by their friends and family. AJ, Bud and Harriet, his grandmother and even Mattie. She looked great, standing at Mac's bedside. He was so relieved Mac wasn't all alone, but brokenhearted that he had not been there. He knew she must have needed him. He pushed the button again and it was a text message. It read:

Mister Marine

Tell the captain to call directly to the colonel's room

812 555 1996

Room 427

Call me later

Lady Sailor

Harm closed the phone and placed the call from his office to the National Naval Medical Center and Mac's room.

"Hello," Mrs. Rabb answered.

"Grandma?"

"Harmon! That was quick. I'll get Mac for you."

"Harm?" Mac sounded groggy.

"Mac!" He wished with all his heart he was there with her. Their dream had come true; their baby had made it into the world healthy and whole.

"She's here, Harm, and she's perfect."

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there." He shook his head slightly, feeling that he had let her down again.

"Harm, you've been there and -are- there for me in all the ways that count." Mac's voice cracked with emotion. "General Creswell is going to try and get you back here for a couple of days. You'll be with us soon." It was so good to hear his voice.

"This has been a terrible day up until now. I can't wait to get back to you." Harm stood and carried the phone to the door of his office. "Just a minute, I have to let McBurney have his picture phone back. We're going to have to have one now for sure." Harm heard Mac laugh softly into the phone.

Harm smiled and handed the cell phone back to Mike. "Thank you, Mike."

"You're welcome, sir, and congratulations." Mike turned to walk down the hallway. "Goodnight, sir."

Harm nodded and smiled, turning back to his conversation with Mac. "Mac, I know you must be tired, but if you can, tell me everything. Is she really all right?"

"She's tiny, Harm, and she is in the Neonatal Unit. She is requiring oxygen but the doctors say that it is pretty normal for a preemie. She's beautiful, Harm. She's tiny, but she's just perfect." Mac was repeating herself but she just couldn't express it any better. "I feel like I'm looking at an angel."

Harm sat back in his chair and heaved a satisfied sigh. The baby was here, and she was all right. Mac was all right and he was coming home.

0745

London time

Friday

July 7th

NLSO BROFF

London, England

Mike McBurney unlocked his office and stepped inside. He saw a note in the middle of his desk calendar. It read:

Mike

Thank you again for your help in connecting me with my family on such a momentous night.

I will be out of the office until Tuesday. The Judge Advocate General has seen fit to allow me a few days leave to meet my daughter.

I forgot to pass on a text message that you received last night.

Lady Sailor would like Mister Marine to call her.

All the Best

Harm.

Mike sat down the chair behind his desk with a thump. He would never live this down. He should call her right now, but she was probably in court. He hoped the captain did ask her about her picture, the one with the crossed eyes. It would serve her right. He grinned, shook his head and turned on his computer to begin his work day.

1800

Thursday

July 7th

National Naval Medical Center

Bethesda, Maryland

Harm walked as fast as he could without running into the entrance of the building. It had been a long trip, but he was not tired. He was running on pure adrenaline, he was feeling almost giddy. He had laughed at himself when he was shaving at a layover in New York. The baby wouldn't be able to see if he had a five o'clock shadow or not; she wouldn't be able to tell what he was wearing. He had changed into a clean uniform anyway; after all, he was meeting his daughter today. He couldn't wait to see her and his legs couldn't carry him fast enough.

Harm exited the elevators and followed the numbered signs to Mac's room. Her room was empty. Harm looked at the nurse's station just behind him; the corpsman answered his question before he asked it.

"She's probably in the NICU, sir. She and her grandmother left not five minutes ago."

"Where?" Harm walked toward the nurse's station.

"It's just down the hallway, through the double doors to your right, sir."

He smiled and thanked her, and immediately made his way to the NICU.

He walked up to the unit enclosed in glass. A nurse's station was at the entrance.

"I'm here to see my daughter."

"Your name, sir?"

"Captain Harmon Rabb."

"Yes sir, follow me."

Harm followed the corpsman to a row of clear bassinets. There appeared to be about 7 of them, sitting on wheeled carts. Harm looked at each baby as he passed and then he stopped in front of the bassinet labeled 'Baby Rabb.' He looked at the corpsman.

"Here she is, sir." The young man liked this part of his job. It wasn't easy to see these patients struggle through the first weeks of their lives, but this was one of the perks: Introducing a parent to his or her child.

Harm looked at the tiny baby, wrapped in a pink blanket and wearing a small pink cap. She had a small tube that went inside her mouth, a monitor that read her heart rate and her oxygen level attached to her heel. As the corpsman explained, Harm's eyes never left the baby.

"Would you like to hold her, sir?"

Harm looked at the corpsman quickly. He wasn't ready; she had more lines and tubes than he had expected. She didn't look real to him at that moment.

"I'll wait for my wife."

"Yes sir, she should be here any moment. Let us know if you need anything, sir."

"Thank you, Petty Officer." Harm glanced quickly toward him.

Harm looked down at the baby, trying to see her through everything that seemed to be attached to her. The baby, whose eyes had been closed, suddenly opened her eyes and appeared to look directly at Harm. He leaned forward and closely as he could, locking his hands behind his back, as though he didn't want to touch the bassinet.

"Hello," he said to his daughter.

Jacqueline blinked, and her eyes seemed to open wider as though she were trying to see him better. At that moment Harm finally saw the baby beneath all the wires and tape. They were looking at each other eye to eye and he was smitten. The baby drew her eyebrows down as if she were studying him. Harm bent down even closer, his big body nearly bent double at the waist. This was the picture that greeted Mac as Mrs. Rabb wheeled her into the unit.

Mac held up her hand and whispered to Mrs. Rabb, "Wait." She didn't want to interrupt the moment. "Look at that. I think the baby is already wrapping her father around her little finger."

Mrs. Rabb smiled and nodded her agreement. She was so glad to see this day, so glad for Harm and Mac and, if she were honest, for herself too. Though this year had been hard in some ways, her life was so much richer because of these two. They had brought Mattie into her life, and now this new baby was the icing on the cake. She couldn't ask for more.

Mac locked the brakes on her wheelchair and carefully stood up. She walked gingerly over to where Harm stood. He had sensed her presence as she walked toward him, and he straightened his back and held his arm open for her to walk into his embrace. She tucked herself carefully into his arms and Harm kissed her temple.

"Thank you." He looked down at her and into her eyes.

"You're welcome. I couldn't have done it without you, Sailor." She kissed his cheek.

"You were right, Mac – she is beautiful." Harm turned to look at their baby.

"She's getting stronger too, Harm. She doesn't require any assistance with her oxygen levels now, though they are monitoring her closely. I know the tubing is a little frightening at first."

"I know, but after you see her eyes and she looks at you, you just don't see it anymore."

Harm was amazed at how quickly all the lines attached to the baby became secondary to that intense little gaze.

Mac smiled at him. "That's right." She winced a bit; her incision was beginning to

pull. "I think I better sit down."

Harm walked her to the rocker that sat near the bassinet and helped her ease into it. Mrs. Rabb brought another rocking chair and placed it next to Mac's.

"You don't have to do that, Grandma. You've already done so much for us. I don't know what we would have done if you hadn't been here to help us."

"It's all right, sit down. I'll go down and get a cup of coffee and let you two spend some time with your daughter."

They would never know what they had meant to her.

"Thanks – where is Mattie, by the way? I wanted to tell her how great she looked in the picture last night. You've done such a great job with her."

"Mattie has done most of the work. She is with Jennifer and Victor. Jen is getting a few of Mattie's old friends and taking them all to the movies."

Mac braced herself and chuckled. "Poor Gunny."

Mrs. Rabb laughed along with her, and she left as the unit nurse came into the room. "Would you like to hold the baby for a while, Captain?"

"Yes, I would." He wasn't afraid to hold her now; as a matter of fact, he couldn't wait to get his hands on her.

The nurse arranged the baby's tubing and wrapped her in her blanket before placing her into Harm's hands. He sat her slightly up and she nearly fit into the palm of one of his hands. She opened her eyes and gave him her serious and direct look.

"She's unbelievable, Mac."

Mac gave him an indulgent smile. "I know. She looks as though she knows all the secrets of the universe." She reached over and stroked the side of his face and hair with the tips of her fingers.

He looked at Mac. "There is something else, too." He looked back at the baby. "It's hard to explain, but I feel like I recognize her face, like I already know her." Harm knew this didn't make sense, but it was the way he felt, and the feeling was so profound that he had to tell her about it.

"I know what you mean. It's like she's been waiting for us to get our heads out of our sixes and get together so that she could come into the world." She had felt that way since the first time she looked into her eyes right after the baby had been born.

Harm looked back into Jacqueline's little face and remembered her mother's question to him over a year ago.

"Yeah, Mac… it's as though she's always been there."

FIN

Epilogue to follow

Will You Always Be There?

Epilogue

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or person living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Any episode from Season One to Season 10.

1730

Saturday

October 22, 2005

Rabb Farm

Belleville, Pennsylvania

Mrs. Rabb stood on her front porch holding her granddaughter. She was bundled in a jacket and cap that was a beautiful shade of 'Marine green,' much to her father's consternation. It was a sunny but cool day. Jackie seemed to love the outdoors; she was such a happy baby. The wind picked up slightly and whirled a pile of leaves high in the air. The baby squealed with delight and locked her hands together. As young as she was, she seemed to be curious about every sound and interested in every face. Mrs. Rabb smiled and kissed her little cheek. They would need to go in in just a moment; the baby's nose was getting pink.

She was expecting Jack Keeter this afternoon. She had offered him a couple of good home cooked meals and a nap or two in front of the fireplace in return for the loan of his cabin. Mrs. Rabb kept the baby and Mattie would be staying with her while Harm and Mac took a quick weekend away before they moved to London. They were celebrating a year together, along with the news that Mac's health was continuing to improve, once again with close monitoring.

Mattie would remain behind for at least the first semester. She had asked Harm if she could wait until early next year to come over. She had made new friends here; life was slower and easier for her now, and for the time being, it seemed to be what she needed. She and Mrs. Rabb had become very close, and for the time being Mattie wanted to stay here in the States. Harm had been disappointed but he had understood.

Mattie had been able to return to walking without assistance and her balance had improved a great deal. She still had lapses at times when she was tired or not feeling well, though those times were getting fewer and farther between. School was proving to be a challenge for her, a greater challenge than anyone expected. She was beginning to make progress at school, but her first few weeks had been difficult at best. Her attention span had been affected by the accident and Mattie's frustration level with her limitations was high. Special tutoring was helping her catch up with her classmates. Mrs. Rabb knew that all she needed was time. Mattie would be joining Harm and Mac, just a bit later than planned.

Mrs. Rabb and Mattie would both fly over to London over the holidays. She believed that would be all Mattie needed to feel that she could do well with Harm and Mac living overseas. She might just stay in London for a while herself; Mrs. Rabb decided that you were never too old to try new things. She smiled at the thought.

She bounced Jackie on her hip, and the baby smiled at her, then returned her attention to the red barn she had been studying for the last few minutes. She felt such a sense of immortality when she looked at this child. She had witnessed another generation of this family come into the world. She remembered Mary and Andrew Rabb and how they had always been there for her. She could see their faces still… she could still hear Mary's voice, and though she was soft spoken, that voice had belied the strength within. Andrew Rabb's unspoken respect for his wife and his love for his son and grandson had taught her what the word 'family' meant. His sense of honor and fair play was a lesson he taught by example.

She and David had believed they would have the same long and happy life that his parents had, that the war was merely a bump in the road. Time proved them wrong all too soon, but their love had given them Harmon and memories that time could not erase from her heart. She could see him in her mind's eye, tall and handsome, his smile drawing her in and making her fall head over heels in love with him. Try as she might, she could not resist him, and after he had finally won her, she hadn't wanted to. When she looked at the baby now she could swear her eyes were already turning the same shade of green as her great grandfather's. Loving David had changed her life, and though she had lost him, their love was always there.

She looked down at the first granddaughter of her only son. The baby reached for her face, and Mrs. Rabb took her hand and kissed it. Harmon had loved being a father; he had loved being a husband. He had made it obvious. For reasons she couldn't explain, she was so proud of him for that. He was an open book – if he loved you, you knew it. He was the type of man she had heard David's parents call a 'true' man; there was no guile in him. He had his father's sense of humor and confidence. She remembered a drive they had taken on a Sunday afternoon during Harmon's last visit to the farm. They had been listening to the radio and Harmon had decided it was time to sing. He'd turned the radio up and began to sing… terribly. 'I can hear her heart beat for a thousand miles…and the heavens open every time she smiles…" Trish had laughed and covered her ears, and little Harm covered his eyes, peeking at his father between his fingers. They had all been feeling pretty low because Harmon would soon be leaving, and he had made them all laugh. Mrs. Rabb and Trish had laughed until they cried.

She looked down the gravel drive and remembered Harm and Mac finding each other … here of all places. They'd worked together every day for over nine years, but when they came here, they could finally acknowledge the love that had always been there. She saw a vehicle slow down and then turn into the drive. Oscar barked his usual greeting and followed the vehicle up the drive. It was Jack, just in time for dinner.

Jack saw Mrs. Rabb standing on the porch, holding his namesake. Harm and Mac had nearly done him in when they told him they had named the baby Jacqueline Patricia. He had been joking about naming their first born after him. He had been honored and touched beyond words when he heard it.

Jack parked in front of the house and walked up the steps to Mrs. Rabb. He said hello to Jackie, and she gave him her best open mouthed smile. He followed Mrs. Rabb into the house and further into the kitchen. Mrs. Rabb handed the baby to him and turned to wash her hands at the kitchen sink. She turned and saw Jack awkwardly holding the baby slightly away from him. She chuckled and walked over to him. She helped him place his hands more securely on the baby's back and bottom and put the baby on his shoulder. Jackie peered at her great grandmother over his shoulder and blinked her thank you.

"For Pete's sake, Jack, it's a baby, not a cord of wood."

Mattie walked into the kitchen after witnessing the baby-holding lesson. She joined her grandmother in a good laugh on Jack.

Jack grinned sheepishly. "Okay, okay, what does a guy have to do to get something to eat around here?"

"Coming up, you rascal." Mrs. Rabb continued to laugh at her grandson's best friend.

2100

Saturday

October 22nd

Tilghman Island

Mac lay sleeping with Harm tucked in closely behind her. They had arrived late yesterday morning. Harm was at the halfway point in his leave time. They had spent a wonderful few days at the farm with Harm getting reacquainted with his daughter and with Mattie. Now they wanted to take this time alone before they left for London, a time to reconnect as a couple, just her and Harm. It had been a long time since circumstances had allowed them to return to a place that only they knew. That place where they were just a man and a woman who loved and needed each other. Harm's new assignment and Mac's pregnancy and subsequent healing thereafter had put unintended distance between them. The last 24 hours had helped them put all of that far behind them.

They hadn't done very much sight seeing so far, though they had hiked out to Black Walnut Point this morning after breakfast. They couldn't have ordered a more beautiful day. It was just as it had been a year before: the sound and smell of the ocean mixed with the scent of fall in the air. This was where they had really begun their journey together. This cabin would always be special to them.

Mac shifted slightly in her sleep and awoke, feeling Harm tighten his hold on her and tuck her in closer to him. She turned her head toward him as he woke and kissed her cheek.

"Hey, sorry – go back to sleep." She ran her hand along his forearm as it closed around her.

Harm hugged her to him. "I can sleep anytime."

"You'll probably be swamped when you get back to London after two weeks of leave."

"Nah." His voice was still gravelly with sleep. "General Creswell sent Commander Coleman TAD to help with case load while I'm in the States."

"Oh?" Mac turned in his arms. "That was kind of him." Mac had the feeling that Harm had requested Faith Coleman specifically.

"Yes, it was." Harm said, agreeing with her.

"I'm sure Major McBurney appreciated it."

Harm smiled. "I'm sure he did." He owed him something, after all. He had joined him in London without a backward look and was doing an excellent job. He had also taken his good natured jibing about Faith without complaint.

Harm was suddenly wide awake, though he had only been slept a couple of hours. "So…what to you want to do now?" He was making it clear that getting out of bed wasn't what he had in mind.

"Oh, I think if we REALLY try we can think of something." She laughed softly as Harm kissed her cheek, working his way down to the sensitive area just below her ear. What they had both been thinking of took them deep into the cool fall night together, making up for the many nights they had to spend apart.

Harm and Mac could not look down their lives and say there would never be a time when they wouldn't always physically present for each other. Their love, however, was something that always would be.

FIN

A/N: First of all I want to say a heart felt thank you to Aerogirl for her beta reading and encouragement. Her writing seems to have impressed most of us so that fact that she even gave this story a second thought was inspiring in itself.(Are you blushing yet AG?) This story was a monster (the monster that ate New York, lol) but she took it on with me and I appreciate that more than I can express.

B/N (Beta's Note): Kim, you are more than welcome. You never know where a story like this will take you at the beginning, and now that we've reached the end (which is hard to believe!), I'm very glad to have been along for the journey. I'm sure it wasn't easy at times, but I'm glad you persevered, and I hope you'll agree that it was well worth it. You've given all of us a lovely new way to look back on this last year and, really, the last ten years. Take a well-deserved bow, my dear.

A/N: To all the people who were kind enough to review and encourage me, thank you. To the authors who were kind enough to contact me and encourage me, I also say thank you. Soleil, your encouragement comes to mind right this moment; your wonderfully descriptive prose inspired me… I have to say. (Though you won't see much of soleil in my writing; hers is much more lyrical…blush) There are too many great authors to mention, but manette, CLK, Hollyip, and Ann are just a few that made me want to dip my toe in the fanfic waters and see if I could do it. I hope other authors I have not mentioned will know too by the reviews I posted that I meant every word, you are all an inspiration.

A/N: I have to say thank you also to the man who created these characters. As angry as I've been (and believe me, I was really angry) about the direction of the show the last couple of years, I have to thank Donald Bellisario for these characters that I have loved so much. This story started out as a way to get through Season 10 no matter what he decided to do and it became a love letter to the characters I had the privilege to know over the last 10 years.

A/N: An acknowledgement that I posted earlier in my story got lost in reformatting and beta reading. I used the phrase 'dark and patient and tender' to describe the look in Harm's eyes when he looked at Mac. I read it the first time in H.Lee's "Ease." It was a phrase that I couldn't get out of my head. To me it was the way Harm looked at Mac the last two years of the show … that is, when the powers that be would allow it. (Smile)

A/N: I know there are some story lines open with my secondary characters. I intend to revisit them in the future. I started this as a way to be able to let Harm and Mac and the other JAG characters go and now I find that I don't have to. So if you have questions about them, just hang in with me. I hope to write more about them over the summer. I can safely say, though, that I don't think it will be 75 chapters. LOL.

That's it.

No, really!


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